It starts with flowers. Roses to be precise.
No seriously, of all things, roses.
Adam wakes up with a bunch of white fucking wild roses next to him, right in front of his face They have to be wild, because there's no way cultivated roses could look like that, no matter what gardeners juice them with. Big, fucking huge actually, and short stemmed, and really pretty.
Adam's allergic flowers. Especially roses.
He ends up sneezing up a fucking storm. And by the time he calms down enough to trash the things, and wash up, his face is blotchy, and he looks like Rudolf the fucking reindeer of a human. At least that's what Dean tells him while laughing at his face. Sam at least is kind enough to not laugh at his face and hands Adam coffee and sandwiches they picked from the diner for him.
There's a reason Adam likes Sam better than Dean. Sam is the best giant moose of a big half brother ever.
The next time it's carnations, which Adam hates. Then come the Bell-flowers and Asters. Then a bunch of more flowers all meaning different variations of love. Dean of course rolls his eyes at Bobby, Sam, and Adam and at the fact that they know this shit. Which of course explains to Adam why Dean probably never had a long term girlfriend.
Adam spends most of the next few mornings trashing each bouquet with extreme prejudice – well all except the bouquet of lilacs and tulips because those were mom's favourite – and walking around with a runny, red, near clown nose.
“They are a traditional gift of courtship.” Castiel explains apologetically while thankfully healing Adam's congestion so that he can breathe like a normal human again.
Adam throws the latest bouquet at him.
The pie would be a nice gesture. Actually it is a really nice gesture. It looks and smells amazing. Castiel made it.
Except all that supposedly tasty gooey red filling reminds Adam of not so nice memories, and monsters that impersonated his mom, and the time he spent holding his own insides in a tiny coffin. Like he said, not so nice memories. He ends up spending the rest of the afternoon in the bathroom, puking up and trying to force himself into forgetting those mental images.
Adam would yell bloody murder at the angel, but it's obvious that Castiel honestly didn't mean it. (Even though Adam suspects it sometimes. After all the angel molotoved him, and left him in the Cage. Yes, he's still pissed about that. He has every right to be.)
Apparently the pie was fucking delicious, Dean tells him later, and Adam has to remind himself that Dean is a Hunter and so any attempt at physical violence against him would only result in Adam landing painfully on his ass. So instead he stalks off back to the room he sleeps in at Bobby's and curses his existence like an emo kid.
Waking up to dead stuffed animals in your bed will never, ever be okay. Not in a million years.
“Dean said stuffed animals always work.”
“I meant the toys Cas. Not this.”
“Oh.” Castiel's eyes went comically wide, and Adam would laugh if he weren't the guy who woke up face to face with the beady eyes of someone's stuffed dog. After his first death and the Cage, he already had enough nightmare fuel to last him for the next few thousand lifetimes. He didn't need anyone adding to it.
Thank God Sam was coming up to wake him up anyway. Adam would've probably hurt himself panicking and trying to get away from the thing after just getting up.
When Castiel actually leaves, thank someone for that because it was getting seven different kinds of awkward with him around, Adam turns on Dean, wondering why in the fucking world would he be interested in setting them up.
“Cas is weird and stuff, but he's Cas. He's not a douche like the rest of the feathered dicks.”
Which might be true in Dean's case but it's a sucky explanation, because Dean tends to forget Castiel left him in the Cage. That's not the kind of thing you get over easily. So yeah actually liking the guy enough to date him, is out of the question.