Love or Care: The Eternal Dilemma
Do you love me? Or do you just care for me? The eternal dilemma… Love or Care. I used to think I was immune to those kinds of questions. I just simply decided not to fall in love. I decided to not risk my heart. I was happy with my decision.
I didn't have a good example of what love could be. My parents are not around me. I couldn't recall any happier times. I couldn't recall any memories of my parents together. The love I received my whole life was from my Grams and friends.
Thinking about it… I'd just lied to myself. My friend had the blessing of loving parents. They seem so in love until their last day on earth. Yes, they died in a car accident.
I had that example of love in front of my eyes… but what difference was it for me? None.
I am a witch. I am barely learning to control and use my gifts. With any powers come a lot of responsibilities. That was the reason I couldn't afford to have dreams of true love and being together forever. I couldn't live with the dream of love. I could only live with the people I loved and cared for. Those people are the ones that I want to protect. The people that I consider family.
I couldn't afford the dream of true love… Why do I let my heart wonder? Why do I let my heart flutter every time I saw him? Why did I forgot the promise I made to myself?
I had to blink twice. I looked towards the source of the voice.
"Are you ok Bon?"
"Yea, I'm Ok."
"Why? Do I look bad?"
She smiled at me and put her arm around my shoulders.
"You look fine. You look like you were about to make a difficult decision. You looked worried."
"Maybe… you are right, Elena. I was just thinking about a lot of things."
"I am here Bon. You should talk about it."
"Yea I know… but not today. I just need rest, Elena. Thank you. I promise we will talk."
I left her. I needed time for myself. I decided to walk into the woods. It was a dumb and silly thing to do. But nature soothed my soul. I needed that kind of peace to be able to think clearly.
So much had happened. So much… I almost died and I lost my Grams. Caroline wasn't human anymore. She was a vampire. She became a vampire; one of those creatures that I truly hated. Or I used to believe I hated them. I couldn't hate her… she was one of my best friends.
I began to laugh a little. The irony of my life… I hate vampires but; they are everywhere. I even have to help them with my powers from time to time. My best friend was dating one of them. He saved me from death one time.
I wanted to hate him but I couldn't. Maybe it was for the sake of Elena or maybe because he saved me. I don't know. I couldn't hate Elena's boyfriend, Stefan Salvatore. But I despised with all my heart and soul his brother.
Or I used to believe that…
I've learned to tolerate him. Under the circumstances I was forced to help him. I was forced to interact with him.
I continued walking through the woods until I reached the old tomb. I sat down looking at its entrance. I began to remember everything that I've been through.
I felt his presence and I knew he would say something.
"Look who's here… the judgmental witch."
I didn't respond to his sarcastic remark. He continued walking towards me until I could see him clearly. He kept staring at me. It was as if he was waiting for me to say something.
"Did you lose your manners?"
I groaned a little. Right now I didn't want to deal with him.
"I'm just ignoring you. Is it possible for you to leave me alone?"
"Nope… I don't want to. You are thinking too hard. You look like my brother and that is not a good thing."
"Damon, why are you here?"
"Why do you care to know, Bonnie?"
"Whatever, Damon. I was trying to make a conversation with you since you don't want to leave me alone."
"I was doing my civil duty."
I glared at him.
"Yes, Liz called me about a missing person. We went to check it out. She had the suspicion that it could be a vampire roaming our peaceful town."
I laughed at him.
"Did you find the person?"
"Well… we found the body."
I watched as he sat down beside me.
"It was the work of a vampire?"
"No, it was a common case; just a common murder. They tried to make it look like an animal attack."
"Someone that I know?"
"I don't think so. You should ask the sheriff."
"Ha ha! Damon, very funny."
I switched my eyes toward the tomb. He couldn't keep quiet. He continued talking.
"Now, why are you here Bonnie? It's not safe."
"Damon I think I can handle myself."
"Maybe… but an Old One could appear… and…"
"And the witch is needed."
"Come on, Damon. You know very well that it doesn't matter if I'm here. I guess other witches or warlocks might come searching a possible way to defeat Klaus... or maybe they only want to help Klaus. I am not the only witch. Besides, neither you nor Stefan would let anything happen to Elena."
"You are the resident witch… that gives you…"
"Gives me what?"
"You are a Bennett. You are descendant from the Salem witches and you were born and raised here. I believe that you are the best conduit of any power this town could have."
"What are you trying to say?"
"They need you to perform the ritual."
"You mean they need me to channel the powers of all the witches who died here?"
"Another thing. You are right; we won't let anything happen to Elena; but we can't afford to let something happen to you."
"So, you are telling me that you are going to protect me."
"That's the plan. We need a truce."
I accepted the truce… against my logic I accepted the truce. We began to spend more time together. That was my mistake…
Some weeks later...
The brothers had a vague idea where the sacrificial site could be. But they didn't know for sure. They needed me to help them. At random days when our "normal life" activities and other situations let us, we went into the woods searching.
Sometimes we would go; the three of us and other times would be just two of us. This was one of those times. Stefan stayed with Elena. She was having a hard time with her biological mother's reappearance and her father bothering her any time they faced each other. Stefan wanted to be there with her. He wanted to comfort her and give her a little peaceful time with him at the brother's house.
So, I was with Damon searching for the site. I began to concentrate on the nature surrounding me. I wanted to feel the earth, trees, air, animals... everything. It was the only way I had to sense something powerful around the woods. I didn't want to cast any spells unnecessarily.
My stubborn and big no to do a locator spell provoked a fight between Damon and me. I couldn't tell the truth to the brothers; especially not to Damon. If I pushed myself too much I would end up too weak… too weak to do any kind of magic. I am a witch but I am also a human with limitations. It was a reminder that I'm not indestructible.
"I don't understand you witch. Why don't you want to do the spell? We are wasting so much time."
"I didn't know that my accompanying you was such strain for you. I regret that I didn't discover this earlier."
He made a scowl at me. I knew he suspected something. I didn't want to tell him; it would complicate everything.
"You are not answering my question, Bonnie."
"I don't have to answer to you, Damon. Please just keep silent; I am trying to connect with the woods around us."
I said that while walking backwards. I was facing Damon when suddenly I couldn't feel the ground under my feet anymore. I felt like I was hanging. When I was able to see what was holding me I discovered it was him. He began to pull me up, when the ground gave in again.
Now both of us were falling down. I'd prepared myself for the impact. I heard the loud noise of our bodies hitting the ground; but I didn't feel anything. Damon absorbed all the impact of our fall. He protected me.
"Damon, Are you ok?"
He grunted a little. I moved to let him sit down. He had some bruises that were already healing. I stood up and began to look around us. It looked like an old path. For some strange reason I'd remembered Alaric's history class. I remembered the lesson about the Civil War; the slaves and the underground escape routes. I shivered a little.
"We need to get out of here. Damon could you…"
At that moment I noticed he was abnormally silent.
I kneeled beside him. He was weak, too weak. He opened his eyes and signaled with a trembling hand around the cave. It was full of vervain. Oh no! What the? Who is using this place? I thought it was old.
If I didn't do anything soon, we would have serious problems. I let out a weary sigh. I wasn't sure if I would be able to do the spell that I had in mind; but it was our last hope. I helped Damon to stand up. I made him look at me.
"I need you to look at my eyes… keep looking at them. I will try to transfer some of my energy and strength to you. If you feel stronger, you need to get us out of here. Do you understand what I just said to you?"
He nodded. I was holding him so the transfer would be easier. I kept staring at his eyes and began to chant in Latin. I felt how my strength and energy began to abandon me. I watch how his eyes opened. He looked totally surprised. I kept chanting over and over again.
At some point I felt as if we were flying. I heard his voice calling me.
"Bonnie, wake up. Bonnie"
I began to open my eyes and the sight in front of me startled me. I was watching a worried version of Damon's features. I tried to sit down, but I was too weak. He helped me. I didn't have a clue how long I had been out.
"Why your nose is bleeding, Bonnie? It's the magic right?"
"Damon, please… I don't… How long I was out?"
"More than enough! I felt what you did. I felt your powers through me. It was a powerful spell. You fainted and your nose was bleeding. What the hell is happening to you?"
Defeated I whispered to him.
"It is nature reminding me that I am human. That I am not above the order of things."
"It is a reminder that if I use too much of my powers I could end up dead."
"Why did you push yourself so much?"
"If I don't do it, who will? Besides why do you care so much? It is me, Bonnie. I am not Elena."
"You are right. Why should I care about you? You just confirmed your weakness witch. I am certain that you wouldn't be able to channel all the powers of the dead witches."
I chuckled at him. Why couldn't he see it?
"Damon, I don't know much about the curse; but I am certain that if they needed, a werewolf, a vampire, a witch and Elena it is because none of us is supposed to survived it."
I began to try to stand up. He helped me again.
"That is the ultimate price, Damon. You better than anyone know it. Blood is priceless."
He picked me up and began to carry me back towards the manor. I was too tired to fight him.
"You are right Bennett, blood is priceless."
Later that night...
I was too weak when we reached the Salvatore manor that Elena and Stefan insisted on me to stay. Elena wanted to watch over me. For some strange reason Damon didn't tell them about my nose bleeding.
Damon lay me down on the bed of the guest room and left me with Elena without uttering any words.
"Oh, Bonnie... What happened?"
I felt how my eyes began to close. I was so tired. No! I was exhausted.
"Elena, could we talk later... please"
She began to get out of the room. I didn't want to be alone at the moment.
"Elena, stay a little bit. Please."
She nodded and returned by my side. She hugged me as if she were my sister. She did it without saying anything. I needed that kind of comfort. I slowly drifted away.
Later on I woke up. Elena was asleep by my side. I remembered that I wasn't at my home. I remembered what happened to Damon and me. I let out a weary sigh. I felt that everything would get worse than ever.
I left the bed and went downstairs. I was thirsty and planned to get some water. I noticed that the fire in the living room was lit. I walked absentmindedly towards it. I watched its beauty and the continuous movement of the flames that was hypnotic and soothing.
I jumped a little when I heard his voice. I turned around, seeking for him. He was leaning against a table with a drink in his hand.
"I... I didn't know you were here. I'll go now"
"Why are you in such a hurry? Stay..."
"Bonnie, remember the truce. Sit down and chat with me a little."
I did what he asked of me. After all, at the moment I was a guest at his house.
"Well I already sat down, Damon. What do you want to talk about?"
"I explained to you what happened. What else do you want to know?"
"I'm guessing that this is not the first time that you had the bleeding problem. Any one else knows about it?"
"Yes, him. He noticed my bleeding problem earlier."
"Why did he not say anything?"
"I asked him to say nothing as a favor. He kept his word."
Damon stayed silent for a moment. I could swear he was pondering everything. The wheels of his brain were turning, planning... or I should say plotting.
"Damon, that hole where we fell, it looked really old and it had an unused path. My first thought about it was a slave escape route; but...Why did it have vervain?"
"Bonnie, when slaves run away their owners track them. Who do you think were the best trackers back then?"
"But not everyone knew about vampires back then, right?"
"Not everyone, but enough people knew about it. Even the slaves. Emily was a slave and knew about vampires among other supernatural things. I guess it was just to protect the runaway slaves from the vampires. It can't be a work of the council. The council back then wanted to keep the slaves."
I looked again at the fire. I couldn't stop my mind. I was trying to imagine that time.
"I would have been a slave back then. Probably I would have had several punishment marks on my body."
Damon stood up and walked toward me.
"You are right. In 1864 you would had been a very intriguing, annoying and pretty slave. My father would probably have bought you to keep you for his particular use and would eventually have given you to us. But none of us would have let anyone damage your body, Bennett."
"Stefan and me."
"That would have lowered your market value."
I felt how my anger was rising within me. I felt how I was beginning to lose control over my emotions.
"Easy, Bonnie. I answered your question under the reality of 1864."
"And today Damon? If the south had achieved the victory instead of the north. I would be a slave right now, Damon. I would have been just another thing in your house. Another piece of furniture."
He shrugged a little and went to serve another drink for himself.
"You are right. I am not going to lie to you, Bonnie. Stefan and I were raised with those customs. I am not saying they were right. Human history is full of atrocities and none of them were right. They just happened."
I turned around and began to walk out of his presence. I needed to calm down my anger.
"Back then at 1864 or today in your hypothetical world..."
"I would have set you free."
I was totally surprised at his remark. I couldn't utter a single word.
"Thank you for today."
I nodded acknowledging his words and began to walk out.
At that time I began to comprehend that I didn't understand him or anything about him. Nothing at all.