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The Collected Works of Erik Lehnsherr

Chapter Text

If being born into you is
as imagined
the oceans would surely
surround

me.

suffocate me.

leave me

wholly lacking.

Tangled,
wrapped inside you

fulls my heart with joy
yet

denial.

Lacking as I am.
You cannot be mine.

Yearning,
filling up my heart.

Leaving it unsatisfied.

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we are many.
we are lost,
not to be found.

to be shifted from one

place

to another.

There are families
formed;
organic bonds
too strong to break.
Comprised of broken souls
searching for
belonging.

Hope.

Peace.

never an option,
peace is,
though.

only violence.
torture.
pain.

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never once did I say
how they died.

it was a lake
a car

an idiot

leaving me alone.

until you.

with you, I’ve become something

special.

Something important.

I still go back to the lake.
Wishing it would

have all

turned out

differently.

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it was not mine to be
given.

but it was branded upon my skin.

a sign of the system;
controlling me.

confining me
to a life of pain.

suffering at the hands of faceless others.

countless beatings
countless bruises
countless days of belittled comments.

no way to avoid the number
the stigma.

but embracing it
that cannot be done.

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Aren’t we all alike?

The same side of a coin;
linked to each other.

Bound.

tethered,
even in anguish.

When do we stand and escape?

Become someone unlike Janus.

One side; complete.

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broken
blue

bruised

stronger, however

pain giving birth

to passion
to emotion.

no longer will we be
told to submit.

we will rise.

defeating
everyone.

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fascinating.

you’re compelling
though I’m sure you’re unaware.

drawing me closer, with each day.
you are my magnetic north.

as I try to repulse myself away, it fails.

i fall back to you.

you and your face so carefully
drawn inside my irises.

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edges

edges surround

an abyss.

water
no longer a symbol

of purity

but destruction.

pulling, towards

an end.

It stands,
taunting me.

Calling me;
a siren beckoning me.

someday,
the pull, so strong,
will pull me in.

Swallow me whole.

End
the
suffering.

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wrapped around you
feels like

home.

nothing like the pain
felt through years of

neglect.

it’s startling to see
how well you
fill my

life.

there have been

so few.
who

manage to
create and fill
space

in my heart.

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solemn voices

solemn news.

telling me to leave.

escape.

run.

my heart wants
what you’re telling me

is evil.

doomed.

poisonous fruit
from a poisonous tree.

yet, there’s so much
that clings to the

place in my heart
where he stays.

nestled in.
buried deep.

I cannot save a relationship.
Without killing the other.

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together
it is us against
the world.

stronger
united.

then apart.

as forces push

pull.

separate.

only those organic bonds
cannot be severed.

made stronger.

as trials
attempt to pull us apart,

we will stand.

united.

a brotherhood of misfits.

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energy hums
when I’m near you.

Escape
impossible

because you pull
me.

closer.

to what, I can’t tell?
Only I want to push you away.

You can’t be trusted anymore.

Nothing will be the same.
Not now and not

ever.

pulling me back.
I want to break away.
repulse you.

because you’re repulsive.

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i dream
of you.

i want to dream
of anyone but.

your mind still burns with mine.

an echo that cannot
fade.

a phantom itch
constantly
looking for rough fingers.

i want
you gone.

but your memory remains.
Haunting me.

Torturing me.
like all lost boys.

still searching
for

home.

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once

You stood as water;
balm for my soul.

made to keep me strong.

now, you stand as
fire.

death surrounds you.

the bright light
that awakened my heart

lies cold.

shrunken.
empty.
burned to ash.

because you set it
afire.

to die.

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i lie.

second nature now.
to hide to pain.

it is obvious to
some.

hard to see
by others.

Conditioned to mask pain,
bury it deep
keep me safe.

stories push
rise to the surface.

threatening to
leave.

devour
the careful
existence

pieced together
from your rampage.

your wrecking ball.

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days pass

your voice
crystal clear

rings.

a new haunting
reality

settles in.

you’re someone
to believe in.

someone to
divulge
deep dark secrets.

bare my Soul.

everything I am
I want to give

to you.

drawn by your voice.

a welcome siren;
lapping slowly
over
the wide expanse

smoothing away
trauma,
hurt.

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There is no

expression

that can define my rage.
My hatred.

you

maimed me.

made me broken.

never to heal.

But there’s someone new.

exciting.

all I imagine is you
not the oceans that I want to swallow me whole.

bitterness blinds my vision.

but all I see is...

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running
away.

always best.

but your smile
your voice

brings be back.

learned behavior
would make me

run
run
run
hide.

red lips,
blue eyes

bring me back
from
water’s edge.

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you’re in my
head

controlling
my impulses

but when I think
of you

it drives her further
away

she’s always been
scared
more broken.

if she knew
how much you’re
hold has

changed me.

she’d hate you.

but she can’t hate you.
because I love you.
she’s always been here.

she matters.

so do you.

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who are you?

why do you
compel me?

make me
stumble
fall

tired days
seem as
nothing
past.

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give up.
give in.

let you
in.

swallow me
whole

make me.

banish him
leaving you
instead.

the voice,
reason,
screams

demands attention.

only, you’ve left.

gone away.

only the
memory

lives.

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single-celled
evolution
brought you
to me.

genetic mutation
made blue eyes

who took
my heart
my mind
my soul.

proud of all
that made you.

made me.
made us.

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you make me

want.

yearn.

feel.

share,
empty my mind.

fill yours
instead.

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my maker
never intended

to batter, bruise.

but rough hands
and a rougher heart

left me.

detached.

void.

unfeeling

you--

you make me
want
to unlearn

behavior.

old tricks, die hard

new tricks,
will you teach
me?