"Good morning! Here on Pawnee Today we have Parks and Recreation Deputy Director Leslie Knope on our show to account for the travesty of a marriage that took place yesterday. Leslie, what explanation do you have for the citizens of Pawnee?"
Leslie blinked at the camera. "Well, I don't think it was a 'travesty', Joan."
Joan flashed a huge smile. "Of course it was! You presided over a clearly immoral and unpatriotic ceremony - "
"It was two penguins," Leslie cut in. "Penguins. I married them, and they were a boy and a girl this time."
"Yes, but the boy! When the keepers and regular zoo-goers can tell you that the girl penguin - Buffy - had been destined for a legally-bound commitment to another, much better, penguin, Angel."
"Well, I have it on good authority that the penguin I married to Buffy, Spike, is a fine, upstanding example of penguinery."
"Upstanding?" Joan let out a chortle of a laugh before looking directly at the camera. "We have some YouTube footage of Spike the Penguin taking part in Satanic cannibalistic rituals after hours at the zoo. Roll it!"
Leslie watched as fifteen seconds of grainy blackness with penguin-shaped blobs danced across the screen. When she noticed the cameras back on her, she looked back to Joan. "Oh. You know, I...I think I saw Angel in that clip. Didn't you? In the background with the...robe?"
Joan gave her a no-nonsense look. "Don't be ridiculous, Leslie. Angel would never take part in cannibalism. He has a shoal of fish to eat. Now we're gonna be back after these commercials to talk about how this wedding between Buffy and Spike spells doom for all of Pawnee."