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the day you lost everything

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TG: were going to die
GG: yeah…
GG: yeah i think we are
GG: :(
TG: well
TG: if we have to die
TG: at least we can
TG: die together
GG: yeah.
GG: um
TG: yeah what
GG: could you
GG: maybe
GG: hold my hand, dave?
GG: i’m scared

She floats beside you, green eyes wide with fear, ears bristling, tail swishing beneath her. Somehow, she is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

There is a meteor coming for you, and at this point you know there’s no escaping it. She knows it too. She knows everything. You know everything. You’re sprites; that’s your job.

You two are the only ones. You’re alone in your world, even surrounded you’re alone, the two used-to-be-humans-but-aren’t-anymore, the two who failed. Neither one of you is human now and you never will be again. You knew this a long time ago, of course. You’d accepted your fate long before you ever jumped into Alpha Dave’s sprite. You knew it was what you had to do. You just didn’t know - you couldn’t have known - how lonely it would be.

You never really knew what loneliness felt like until you grew wings and turned orange, never knew what it was like to be really different. You count your eyes as a sort of warning of what was to come.

You were always beneath him, beneath Alpha Dave, even though you’d spent more time in the game then he still has. Than he ever will. And yet you were always nothing. Always just the sprite, always just that floating guy. You got your fucking wing cut off and nobody cared. That was because you were nothing.

Jade, she makes you feel like you’re everything. Because she’s the same as you. It’s just that she knows how to make you feel like you’re worth it, like all of this is your doing (even though it is because for fuck’s sake who does all the work around here that’s right you) and you’re the one who’s saving the world.

Just look at you, you’re injured and you’re dying and you’re going to die, all for this game that you’re not even a part of anymore, and all you’ve got is this shitty sword stuck in your middle and Jade’s eyes looking into yours. Thank God that’s enough, thank God that’s more than enough, thank God she’s everything you need now and she doesn’t mind being it.

Alpha Dave would never understand, probably won’t ever understand, all the shit you’ve done for him to do better. That’s okay, though. Jadesprite - no, Jade, she’s your Jade and therefore the only Jade - is floating next to you and she is holding your hand and you think maybe she loves you. And it’s all right. It’s all all right.

GG: i guess
GG: this is goodbye
TG: i guess so too
TG: jade?
GG: yes dave?

She’s the only one who ever calls you Dave. It’s always Davesprite or other-me or that floating yellow guy but she calls you Dave. To her, you are the only Dave, and she is the only Jade. Karkat can have Alpha Jade, she is yours and she will always be yours. She told you so.

TG: thanks
GG: for what??
TG: for
TG: i dunno
TG: being here
GG: i don’t have a choice, really!
GG: but
GG: but yeah.
GG: dave, if there was anyone i would want to die with, it would be you.
GG: hands down!
TG: jade you
TG: youre the only one who
TG: ugh i mean
TG: i think i
TG: fuck sorry i
GG: dave, it’s okay.
GG: i get it :)
TG: you do
GG: yeah.
GG: and i love you too, silly!
GG: woof :)

The meteor glints off of your shades and you grab her by the hand like she’s going to disappear if you don’t hold her to the ground.

TG: yeah
TG: i guess i
TG: i love you, jade
GG: great!!!!!

She gives you a huge smile. It’s never ceased to amaze you how she can smile in the most hopeless of situations. Once, a long time ago it seems, she wouldn’t stop crying, and now she can’t stop smiling. It makes you want to smile, too.

And that’s all that needs to be said. She is the only one who understands and the only one who ever will understand and you know this because you’ve been all through the future and the past and the present, alternate pasts and alternate futures and alternate presents, even, every time you can think of and it’s always just been her. Just Jade.

The meteor is almost here and you are ready to die at Jade’s side.

And then she flickers.

GG: oh fuck!!!
TG: jade???
TG: jade what is going on
GG: dave i
GG: dave!

She’s fading right next to you and your hand tightens on her wrist but she’s already mostly gone and you think those might be tears stinging your eyes but you’re not sure, you haven’t cried for so long and where is she going leaving you alone no come back

GG: i’m going to be a god, dave!

She glances up at the meteor, an awed expression on her face, and blinks out of existence.

TG: no
TG: fuck
TG: jade
TG: dont leave me

And then something happens, the air where she was is shimmering, and you suddenly feel like half of yourself has been ripped away.

She doesn’t even say anything to you, just laughs out loud, spins once in her new god-tier uniform, watches her skirts swirl out around her. She raises a hand and suddenly the meteor is tiny, a kid’s toy in her hands. She laughs again.

You’re saved. You’re not going to die.

Right now, though, you kind of wish you could.



hey all i wanted was to have someone who understood how small i felt

and now shes the biggest thing in existence

i never was anything but she pretended that i was and now

now i know im nothing