Dear Diary-- Do people really say that in one of these? No, absolutely not, that sounds like an 8 year old is writing this. I will never write that again.
It's been about a month since I came back to this universe, and it's been a wild ride. I don't know what I was hoping to have when I came back, but what I got wasn't what I could have expected at all.
Part of me worried that my Doctor would have moved on, or that it had been hundreds of years for him, or he wouldn't want me around after I told him that I loved him and broke down on that fucking beach.
But then I remembered that he burned up a sun to say goodbye, and what the beach was called (Bad Wolf Bay). And that kept me going through learning physics, and building the dimension cannon, and wrong parallel universe after wrong parallel universe, and through finding him dead in an alternate universe.
When I finally made it back, we ran to each other, like we were in one of my mum's bodice rippers or something like that. But he got shot by a damned Dalek before I could even get to him and started regenerating.
While I had been jumping through the universes, I found this one, and was stopped from getting to the Doctor about a year earlier for him by myself and the Doctor, of all people. I was handed a letter with sometimes detailed and sometimes vague instructions telling me what to do to make sure the paradox completed right.
The thing was, I had met the Doctor after this all happened, and he was still all, sort of brown. Brown eyes, brown, spikey, really, really great hair, brown pinstriped suit, brown coat given to him by Janis Joplin. He loves that coat in this body. It's his third greatest possession, after the TARDIS and sonic screwdriver, of course.
So I freaked out, and told him he couldn't die. To be fair, I probably would have freaked out anyway, even if the paradox hadn't happened. I mean, I had just come back, and he was mortally wounded, and my one experience with regeneration wasn't so good. He had went a little crazy for a moment and had a neural implosion, and was sick for hours. We didn't need that right when we were trying to keep the multiverse from disappearing.
So he did something weird, even for him. He used the energy to heal himself, then threw the rest into a hand! Not just any hand, it was the one that got chopped off on Christmas Day, just a few hours after regenerating.
I still have to ask him how he came to have that hand, and why it was in a jar in the console room, of all places.
So one thing led to another, and I thought we were going to fail. Donna had been dropped into what was essentially a star at the center of the Dalek Crucible while still in the TARDIS. The TARDIS had screamed in my head, and I had to act like I couldn't feel her, because that would have given away my secret.
The whole thing was looking pretty bleak, when The TARDIS appeared, and out came the Doctor and Donna. The Doctor failed in what he was going to do, but Donna figured out how to stop the machine. It was funny, and I'll never forget how happy she was with all that knowledge in her head.
Poor Donna. She had done all these wonderful things, and she can't remember it now. We'll remember for her, and the Ood will sing of her for the rest of their existence.
At first, I had thought that there was another paradox, allowing two Doctors to be in the same place at the same time, but it wasn't. It was something called a metacrisis. I still don't quite understand how and why that happened, but we now have two Doctors, the original one, and one that is part human.
This new Doctor has one heart, no ability to regenerate, and ages closer to how a human does, if a bit slower.
The three of us now run together, and it's all the same. We laugh at inappropriate times, get things done at the last second, and run from the latest person the Doctor has insulted-like always.
It's the same, but it's different, very different.
For starters, there's simply the fact that there's two of him, which is a whole new layer of complicated. They both look exactly the same, ramble the same, and have the same mannerisms, like the running his fingers through his hair when he's stressed, or the way he scratches at his neck when he's caught out.
They're the same, but they're also different.
My new, new, new Doctor is warmer, and not just his body heat (35 degrees to his counterpart's 16). He's more open. It's like his guilt has just melted away. Not all of it, of course, or even most of it, but he just seems overall happier than his counterpart. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he's part human.
But his moods shift even faster than his old self. He gets angrier faster and easier, and scarier when he gets there. He's a lot like his leather and ears self now, actually. He's still the Doctor, though, he still tries not to hurt anyone if he can help it.
He's sassy and sarcastic. I mean he's always sassy and sarcastic, but he's a bit more like he was when he was all leather and ears. I keep saying that, actually. It's like some of the parts of the personality he used to have have merged with his personality he regenerated into when he became all sort of brown.
When he's stressed, or tired, or being sarcastic and sassy, he has a tendency to talk a bit like Donna. Oh, the names he calls his two hearted double! Names like Dumbo and Plonker when he's being thick. Spaceman happens to be my favorite-as if he's any less of a 'spaceman'. That's usually reserved for times when the original Doctor is rambling on about something or the occasional affectionate moment. Not that he'd ever admit to being affectionate to his 'brother.'
He also tends to sometimes refer to me as “Blondie,” as in, “...and Blondie over there's name is....”
He's still rude and not ginger (and he admits to being unhappy that he'll never naturally be a ginger.) He's still the same as ever, but different.
That's the mantra of this new life, I suppose, same, but different.
I'm stronger than before, I'm faster, I'm smarter. I have a lot of experience with being on my own in dangerous situations. The Doctor, Doctors, I mean, are both starting to see this, but they still sometimes act as if I'm as breakable as I used to be. If anything, in some ways, they are even more protective and possessive and drive me completely barmy.
I should have known that would happen, though, because the reason for that is the biggest change of all. We're together.
I've always loved him, it wasn't until after I met Jack that I realized that I was IN love with the Doctor, but I never thought anything would come of it. Was even half convinced I'd have to live my life celibate if I wanted to remain by his side. But that's all different now.
Since almost the beginning after coming back, I made my intentions known. I was going to be there by both of their sides, no matter what, unless one of them didn't want me, and it was up to them how I was by their side. After that, the part human Doctor and myself had been making out like teenagers behind the bleachers.
Two weeks ago, everything changed. The full Gallifreyan Doctor took me to this beautiful planet where the flowers glow in the dark, and while we were there, he told me that he was willing to give us a shot, even if I was going to be gone long before him. That's all I wanted to know.
After an incident with some locals (of course there was an incident with the locals, and I wouldn't want it any other way), I told him my secret. I'm telepathic, I heal fast, I'll have an extremely long life, and weirdest of all, I'm not completely human anymore. Human Plus is what the Doctor calls it.
I have the extra strand of DNA that all Time Lords have, which controls regeneration, lifespan, and whatnot. Well, the Doctor calls it TNA, and I'd be wondering what that stood for, if I could remember what DNA stood for in the first place. It's partially temporally out of sync though, slowly coming into sync, which is part of why we hadn't noticed any changes before. We don't know how it'll work when it's fully in sync. The possibility that I could regenerate scares me a bit, actually.
I also have bits of the genetic code of the TARDIS in me, allowing me to hold the extra artron and huon energy still left behind from my time as Bad Wolf without any side effects. It seems that I'm still the Bad Wolf, and will always be.
The next day, we found another TARDIS. It's just a baby coral right now, but it seems to have attached to me, and I was able to save it with some of my artron and huon energy. It seems that I'm going to have my own TARDIS someday. Kinda excited about that, actually!
After that, we made love for the first time, together, all three of us. It still makes me blush.
There's another area where they are different. The Doctor with one heart tends to be passionate, a little uncontrolled. He also likes to sometimes do it as a human, without telepathy. He's also very adventurous, and likes to experiment.
He's also a bit of a flirt. I mean the Doctor has always been a flirt as I know it, but this particular part human version is so full on innuendo and flirt. Sometimes I wonder if a bit of Jack didn't get in there!
The Doctor with two hearts tends to be calmer and more controlled, unless we let the telepathy take over a bit. He's also cooler, temperature wise. His internal temperature is only 16 degrees normally, whereas mine is 37 degrees. That adds a whole different dimension to making love. He also needs a certain amount of certain hormones before he can really do anything, and I only give that much off if I have an orgasm. I like that, a lot.
The Doctor with two hearts and I got a little overzealous with the telepathy the first time we were together, and wound up making a bond with one another, only one step below an unbreakable bond. From what I understand, we were holding back from one another, and it was enough to keep ourselves from going whole hog into it. So now, I have a bond with the full Time Lord Doctor, where I can always feel his presence, and can feel strong emotion if he doesn't block it off. We can also send images, words, feelings, and such through our link.
I also have a lighter link with the part human Doctor. We set it in place so that he could teach me some things about telepathy that my previous teacher, who was quite a bit weaker than me, couldn't or didn't know about. As soon as my link with the Time Lord is settled, I'll try to establish a stronger link with him, so that I also always feel his presence and tell if he's in danger or not without having to actively reach out.
He asked for it, but I want it, because he's the same, but different. The same in that he's a trouble magnet, and he can't stay away from helping people, no matter if he's going into danger or not. Different in that he's almost as breakable as a human now. And I want him safe, for as long as possible. I want him to grow old on me, because that means we'll have had plenty of time together.
And look at me rambling on. There's so much to write in here. I wonder why I put this off for so long!
We're going to this planet called Otinata today. There should be this thruster thing there that they want to get hold of for the TARDIS. Hopefully everything goes off without a hitch.
What am I saying? We'll probably be running back to the TARDIS.