Sheldon looked at his watch again. Just two more minutes. Sheldon knew he had to wait until exactly eleven am, as he had neither a death wish nor a high tolerance for pain. He reflected upon how to broach the topic one more time-planning and choosing his words with more care than he usually did-again, with no desire for physical pain. To that end, he shuffled the still warm banana bread from one hand to the other, and looked at his watch again. Eleven am on the dot!
*knock knock knock* "Penny"
*knock Knock knock* "Penny"
*knock knock knock* "Penny"
The door to 4B swung open with force, and Sheldon instinctivley took a step back. Penny, however, was dressed and had a small smile on her face-which grew a bit wider at sight and smell of the banana bread.
Sheldon started, "It'selevenamandImadethisforyouandcanIcomein?" He shoved the banana bread in Penny's direction. Great Shelly, he thought to himself as he took a breath. Off to an aupicious start.
Penny laughed and stepped aside to let him in. She practically skipped to the kitchen, banana bread in hand. Sheldon entered and shut the door behind him. He hoped he could be more coherent now.
"Penny," Sheldon began again, "I am in need of your assistance."
Penny, already with a mouthful of banana bread said, "whaddya mwph need?" She chewed and swallowed, admitting even to herself, talking with that much bread in her mouth was kinda gross.
Sheldon took a deep breath, steadying his voice to sound as natural, well as natural as he was, "Amy Farrah Fowler has posited a hypothesis to an experiment that she would like me to partipate in." There, he thought to himself, calm, cool, collected and clinical. Oh, and why exactly was his lip twiching and his leg shaking? He nodded to the couch and sat down.
Penny sat down with him, banana bread actually sliced an on a plate now, instead of just tearing it off the loaf and gleefully stuffing it into her face, "And you need my help--why?"
Rubbing his hands on his knees to wipe off any perspiration, and to still his still shaking leg, Sheldon looked at her, and said as clearly as he could, "You need to teach me how to kiss."
Penny choked on her banana bread, producing a coughing fit that turned her red--ya, she thought, it was the coughing that turned her cheeks red. Really it was.
Sheldon got up, went to the fridge, and got a bottle of water and brought it to Penny, who was still sputtering and coughing. He handed it to her, and she mouthed, "Thanks," and drank deeply.
He sat again beside her, and waited. Slowly, Penny recovered. She swallowed hard, "WHAT did you say?" She couldn't have heard him right.
Sheldon sighed heavily, "I need you to teach me how to kiss," Sheldon started, trying to control his nervous tic in his lip, "Amy has proposed this experiment, and I don't want to be--deficient in this--circumstance."
"So," Penny translated Sheldon speak, as she was apt to do, "What you mean is Amy wants you to kiss her, and you want to be prepared so that you are better at it than her."
"Essentially, yes," Sheldon admitted.
"And you want my help because I'm the only other female you know?" Penny said, looking him in the eye.
Sheldon lowered his eyes when he said, "Well, no, but the only female I--trust--who is a friend." He looked up at her and managed to still his twitching lip with a small, earnest smile.
Penny felt her initial shock and irritation melt. Damn! How did he always do that to her, where she was actually considering his request now? "You do realize this will involve exchanging possible germs, don't you?"
Sheldon rolled his eyes, "I am well aware of what kissing involves Penny," Sheldon huffed, "theoretically."
"Just not in practice, right?" Penny smiled with a lilt of teasing in her voice.
"No Penny," Sheldon replied with a clipped tone, "in this, you're the expert."
She ignored his meaning, "and Amy brought this up?" It didn't seem likely to Penny, from what she knew of the woman-she didn't seem overly affectionate.
"Yes-I think she wants to test the Schrödinger's cat theory-you remember?" Sheldon was gearing up to explain it again.
"Ya-I remember-I remember!" Penny stopped the lecture by waving her hands in front of her, "So basically, she wants to test whether or not you both are-attracted to each other?" Penny asked, thinking to herself how strange that sounded.
"That would seem to be her motivation," Sheldon answered.
"And you're--ok with this?" She was beginning to think maybe all the "she's not my girlfriend" denials were just that. Penny wasn't sure what she thought about that just yet.
"I am--curious," Sheldon said after some thought.
Penny sighed deeply. Sheldon was her friend, really her best friend since her split with Leonard some months ago. He needed her help-goodness knows he'd helped her plenty of times. That she would reciprocate for the benefit of another woman in his life unsettled her a bit, but she couldn't deny him.
"Ok Sheldon," Penny turned to him, and shifted a bit closer. His eyes widened, "Lay it on me. Show me your moves."
Sheldon's widened eyes now had their brows lowered over them in confusion, "My moves?"
Penny laughed softly, "Kiss me, show me what I have to work with."
So he did.
It was a peck-something you'd give a relative at a wedding-a cousin perhaps, Penny thought. Even with his eyes open, he'd still missed her mouth full-on, and only managed a corner of her lips. He had pulled back and looked at her expectantly. Penny shook her head slowly.
"That--bad?" Sheldon said "bad" like it was a dirty word-from someone not used to being bad at anything in his life-because he wasn't.
"Sorry sweetie--you've really not done that before, hunh?" Penny patted his knee to lessen the sting.
"I've never voluntarily kissed anyone, other than my Meemaw-and only on the cheek," Sheldon stated.
"Hmmm," Pennny thought, "what about involuntarily?" She knew of one anyway.
"Well," Sheldon paused to count on his fingers, "my Mother, Missy, Julie Barker in the 5th grade just before I left for college, and--" Sheldon shuddered and looked pointedly at Penny, "Leonard's drunken mother."
Penny accepted the glare from Sheldon-it had been kinda her fault-and she didn't blame him for the shudder too, as she tried to rein in her own,"Ok--from scratch then."
"From scratch? Ah, from the beginning, yes," Sheldon began, "should I take notes?"
Penny laughed, "This isn't something to be learned by taking notes Sheldon," Penny turned and pushed herself closer, almost hooking her knee around his, "first, a kiss should be at least two, and more likely three Mississipis."
Sheldon stiffened slightly by Penny's proximity, but, he thought, considering what he'd asked her to do, he'd have to deal with it. He tried to relax his posture. Sheldon counted three Mississipis in his head, "That long?"
"Yes Sheldon," Penny giggled. She really had her work cut out for her, "Ok, give it a go. At least two Mississipis."
Sheldon leaned over and pressed his lips to hers for exactly two Mississipis. At least, thought Penny, he caught her full on the mouth this time. He looked at her, again expectantly.
"Better that time Sheldon." And it was, Penny had to admit to herself. He had really soft lips, she noticed, now that he actually kissed her somewhat like a guy kisses a girl.
Sheldon grinned his self-satisfied grin. Penny nudged his shoulder "Don't get cocky, you are ready now for the next step."
"Which is?" Sheldon's grin had slipped a little.
"You have to relax your jaw a little-open your lips too," Penny saw his eyes widen, "C'mon Sheldon, you want to be good at this, right?"
"R-i-ight," he admitted grudingly.
"Ok, so relax, open your mouth a little, and aim-for a top lip or bottom," Penny looked at Sheldon's full bottom lip, "uh, top, aim for my top lip."
"That's quite a few variables," Sheldon looked slightly nervous.
"Quit stalling!" Penny put her hands on his knees and tilted her head up, and waited.
Sheldon moved achingly slow, Penny thought, eyes closed and waiting, but once he made his move and caught her upper lip with his, she figured it was worth the wait. She had just the right amount of his bottom lip. Three Mississipis wasn't reallylong, so she sucked ever so slightly on his soft lip - she might as well enjoy it!
It actually felt like more than three Mississippis - she really should have counted - when Sheldon took her top lip andsucked slightly, mimicking her. Of course, he'd be a quick learner.
When Sheldon finally pulled back, the breath she took in a was a bit shaky. He looked expectantly at her again, appearing as calm as always, but his lower lip was slightly swollen, and his leg was shaking again. Penny removed her hands from him.
She took another deep breath, "Very, uh - very good Sheldon."
He smirked a little, but placed his hand on his shaking knee to still it.
Penny figured he deserved a little smirk. She took another steady breath, "Now there's just one more thing you need to do."
Sheldon gave a thoughtful pause, "Which is?"
"Well, I've been lifting my head to you - to make it easier. Amy won't, so you'll have to move her head to where you want so you can - aim." Penny said, mentally reminding herself that this "lesson" was for Amy's benefit. She sighed quietly.
Sheldon gave another thoughtful pause, "How do I do that?"
"You'll need to--to put your hand," Penny picked up Sheldon's hand, "either here," Penny put his hand to her jaw. Sheldon's hand was really, really warm. Penny refocused her eyes, "or--here," and Penny nudged his hand to the back of her head - his long fingers instantly went into her hair at the nape of her neck. His face was incredibly close to hers, "Then," the tone of her voice was lower, "you just direct me to the angle you need to--uh--kiss me."
Sheldon kept his hands in her hair, and tipped her head up to meet his eyes. They looked at each other for what could have been a second or a minute, before he closed his eyes and brought her closer to his lips. Penny closed her eyes, as he kissed her using every tip she'd given him. He was, Penny just had a whisper of a thought, an insanely fast learner. Her next thought - most definately longer than three Mississipis - then finally, before just giving in and kissing him back - she didn't care how many Mississipis. His other hand had moved from his knee to her waist, while hers landed on his shoulders - and she'd never even covered what to do with hands!
Somewhat reluctantly - and did she ever think her day would start like this? - they pulled apart. Taking a minute to recover - they both had raspy breaths - Penny smiled broadly at him. His cheeks were flushed and his lips decidedly swollen. She brought her hand up to her face. Hers felt the same. Huh.
Sheldon cleared his throat, "Have I mastered the skills neccessary?"
Penny laughed, albeit a bit shakily, "Yes, sweetie. You passed with flying colours!"
"Thank you Penny." Sheldon rose from the couch, though he paused for a second, then headed for the door. He turned back to her, "I appreciate you doing this for me - what must have been an uncomfortable situation for you - and yet you didn't make me feel - as awkward as I thought I would."
Penny got up and patted him on the cheek, "you're welcome sweetie - what are friends for?" She kissed his cheek as he turned to leave. She couldn't stop herself from saying, "Let me know how it goes with Amy."
Sheldon, blushing, nodded on his way out the door.
Penny trudged up the stairs, exhausted after a brutal Saturday shift. No wonder all she had energy to do on Saturday nights any more was laundry with Sheldon.
She hadn't heard from him since their 'lesson' two days ago. Penny reached her door and turned the key. She entered her apartment and stopped. It was spotless! Looking at her counter, with a fresh loaf of banana bread on it, she knew what Sheldon had been up to while she was at work.
It was no longer creepy. In fact, the next time she saw him she was going to hug him. She looked at the clock - which would be in about an hour for laundry night. Penny stripped off her clothes for a hot shower in an immaculate bathroom.
After, she practically bounced down the stairs to the laundry room, where Sheldon was already putting his darks in his preferred washing machine. He looked over his shoulder, "Hello, Penny."
Penny put her basket down on the machine next to Sheldon, and wrapped her arms around his thin waist - resting her head between his shoulder blades, "Thank you for cleaning, Sheldon - it's just what I needed after a long day at work."
Sheldon slid the coins in for his washer to start, then turned - still in Penny's arms, "It was my way to thank you for - helping me."
Penny smiled and squeezed him slighly, ready to let go before he freaked out, but his long arms had wrapped just below her shoulders, and he squeezed back - a sincere 'Sheldon-hug.' They unwrapped from each other, so Penny could stuff her clothes in the washer, while beside her, Sheldon did his colours - which took up two more washers.
Penny hopped up on her washer once it had started. She started to chew a nail, and knew she had to ask what he didn't offer her, "So - you and Amy?"
Sheldon leaned on the washer next to her, arms folded, "Amy and I--?"
"Oh c'mon Sheldon," Penny is exasperated, "you said you would tell me. So spill!"
"Spill?" Sheldon smirked a little.
Penny kicked the washing machine with her heels in frustration, "What happened when you kissed her?" Penny was starting to get a glimmer of why she was pushing so hard. Did he have a girlfriend or not? She felt she really wanted to know now.
"Nothing." Sheldon simply said.
"Nothing - as in you didn't kiss her or--" Penny peered at him beside her through her lashes.
"Oh, I kissed her. There was nothing." Sheldon turned around to face the washer Penny was sitting on.
"Nothing?" Penny looked up to his eyes.
"Nothing." Sheldon looked back, and unfolded his arms. He leaned a hand on Penny's washer, "If the cat was ever even in the box, it was dead."
"I'm sorry, Sheldon." She wasn't sure if she was, but she didn't want him to feel bad.
"Why? It was an experiment, the results were negative, now Amy and I can be friends." Sheldon dipped his head to her, and with a smirk again said, "And maybe now, when I say she isn't my girlfriend, you'll believe me."
Penny sighed with - what really was relief - until she noticed she had sighed out loud.
Sheldon put his other hand on her washer - effectively having a hand on either side of her knees, "I would like to propose another experiment."
"An experiment?" Penny's eyes were wide. Did he mean--?
"Yes. My hypothesis is that you and I might be attracted to one another. We can test this by kissing." Sheldon licked his lips nervously.
"We already did. Several times, if I recall," and she did. In detail. Especially that last one.
"Yes, though for practice. It was then that I thought of my hypothesis," Sheldon dipped his head lower,
Penny nodded. Sheldon put both his hands in her hair, and brought her to his lips. He kissed her like before, so she had his full lip between hers. She put her hands on his forearms, and sucked slightly on his lip - then was shocked when Sheldon flitted his tongue out against her lip. Oh, never mind counting Mississipis - he'd definately moved on. Penny slid further off the washer, and let her heels wrap loosly behind his thighs. They just stood there, kissing, until the washer Penny was sitting on clicked to the rinse cycle - making her jump. They seperated and stared at one another for a few seconds as they caught their breath.
Penny managed to speak first, "And the results?" She smiled as he made a great display of thinking it over.
"Very positive. The cat is so alive, I think we may have to feed it." Sheldon smirked again.
Penny laughed, "Yes," she hopped of her washer and put her arms around Sheldon's neck, "very very positive."
"So, what's next?" Sheldon bent towards her, and almost whispered in her ear.
"Well, we finish our laundry and have movie night like we always do," Penny began, "then we see what comes after the first kiss."