"The Angry Spider," read the Doctor. "By Hugh Meister. Hugh?"
"I was running out of ideas," said the Master, lazily. He settled himself even more comfortably into the Doctor's lap and was content to let the matter rest there.
Not so the Doctor, whose look of wide-eyed incredulity was getting more absurd by the second. The Master's angle didn't help, admittedly. Sideways and upside-down, the Doctor's face seemed to be equal parts curly light hair and nostrils. Not the best combination, so the Master closed his eyes and just enjoyed the silence.
"I can't believe you wrote a children's book," said the Doctor. "What exactly was the plan, here? Domination through the publishing industry?"
"Hardly," said the Master. "I was simply occupying my time."
"Oh, of course," snorted the Doctor.
There was quiet for a moment after that, and then the Doctor began to read aloud.
"...Then the spider met a donkey, and the donkey tried to step on him. This made the spider even angrier than ever before, and he decided to build a web so large that it would capture and hold even the donkey." A page turned. "But the web collapsed on top of the spider, and the donkey just laughed. And this made the spider even angrier. Oh dear." The Master cracked an eye open and saw the Doctor shaking his head. "Who did your illustrations?"
"I did them myself," said the Master, defensively.
"They're very... evocative," said the Doctor, backtracking. "I get a clear sense of what you're trying to represent."
"Mhm," said the Master, skeptically, and closed his eyes again.
Pages rustled, and the Doctor began reading from the last page.
"And finally the spider had managed to capture the whole world in his web, and no one laughed at him any longer. He ruled the world for the rest of his days, and he wasn't angry any more." The Doctor sighed. "I can't decide if this is sweet or horrifying."
"It didn't sell very well," admitted the Master.
"Well, I appreciate it," said the Doctor. "I feel like you've bared your soul to me."
"And you can't decide if it's sweet or horrifying?" asked the Master.
"Exactly." The Doctor bent down and kissed him.
The Master was glad this particular copy had lost the attached angry spider toy that had originally been bundled in with the book. He couldn't imagine that the Doctor would be pleased with the fact that what looked like LEDs for its eyes were actually hypnotic crystals. Crystals which, it had turned out, were ineffective in the presence of children for some odd reason.
The Master gripped the Doctor's braces, using them to pull himself up a little and kiss the Doctor back. At least the book seemed to be worth the effort, even if the domination plan had never panned out.