The Figurehead of Queer Justice

by perdue

Summary:

A harmless prank becomes the trigger for a domino-effect of important events in John Egbert's life. John/Dave, post-sburb.

Notes:

alright, this started as just a roleplay between myself and the lovely vector (found here and on tumblr as revolutionator). but I couldn't help myself and started writing bits of fic for in between their conversations...

i am the mediocre john to her stellar dave!

Chapter 1: Fake Boyfriends

–- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: hey dave, how's it going?
EB: ugh dave, leave it to you to not respond when i finally get online.
TG: sorry bro was being a dick
TG: which is probably redundant considering he is a dick all the time
TG: he just amped up the dickitude for a couple minutes back there
EB: haha poor you.
EB: why, what's he doing?
TG: eh you know how it is
TG: literally have to go to the bathroom with my back to the wall lest he shove a plush dong puppet down my pants
TG: shits degrading
EB: i'm definitely not laughing at you right now.
TG: hey fuck you i managed to block it this time
EB: this time!
TG: it was pretty awesome
TG: or it would have been
EB: i'm sure it was.
TG: i mean you can only look so awesome when youre battling down a weapon made of downy puppet ass
EB: yeah good point.
EB: but it's you, so of course you looked cool doing it, right?
TG: you can rest safe in the knowledge
TG: that i looked as badass as it is possible to look
TG: while guarding your ass from a puppet-wielding maniac
EB: oh boy. i don't know how you live with those things!
EB: but anyways, besides all the puppet ass, how are you?
TG: eh im pretty good
TG: working on a new comic
TG: dont spill over in anticipation waiting the four minutes it takes me to crank out these things
EB: oh gosh was i that obvious?
EB: hehe
TG: just a little
TG: dont sweat it though youre not the only rabid fan clamouring at the teat of sbahj
TG: new fans every day man im thinking of selling shirts
EB: hey maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea!
EB: nothing wrong with stealing money from your adoring fans, right?
TG: egbert you wound me
EB: hehe i know i am the worst.
TG: you saying you wouldnt want a shirt with steakmouthed wiseguys spewing artifacts all over the sleeves
EB: dave you know i'm your biggest fan, i will buy all of your shirts!
EB: well, maybe.
EB: i've got a pledge to not spend any of my money until i've raised enough!
TG: hey buy one and youll have sunk more money into sbahj than i have
TG: raised enough for what
EB: it's kind of a surprise, dave!
TG: surprises to me are synonymous with mannequin dong wedgies
TG: but i guess you dont have any smuppets so ill trust you
TG: for now
TG: wait you havent ever ordered anything off of bros website have you
EB: haha why would i ever do that?
EB: sorry but smuppets with big butts and phallic noses aren't really my thing!
TG: ok that is actually more of a relief than you can ever imagine
EB: i'm sure it is.
EB: not that i even have time for smuppets anyways with all this summer reading i have to do.
EB: that on top of my job, i don't really have time for anything.
EB: sorry i haven't been around lately, by the way.
TG: bro would argue with you fiercely
TG: about there always being time for smuppets or whatever
TG: but yeah ive been wondering about that
TG: you got a job huh
TG: harley clued me in that you were lookin for one
EB: yeah! it just sucks having no money i guess, so i applied at the bookstore close to my house, and they actually hired me!
EB: i was a little surprised, i didn't think my interview went very well.
TG: gotta say the idea of you peddling oprah winfreys latest book club recommendation comes way easier than it should
TG: i just started up working for the pizza place on the corner actually
EB: oh wow, you got a job too?
EB: that's pretty awesome!
EB: hehe now you'll have money to spend on apple juice and not-so-shitty swords!
TG: yeah exactly
TG: thats pretty much all i ever spend money on
EB: obviously.
TG: you think im being sarcastic but bro legit refuses to buy apple juice because i drink it all
EB: oh, rude.
TG: the harrowing life of an apple juice addict egbert it aint easy
EB: well at least bro isn't enabling you!
TG: hes been my rock through this difficult time
TG: kicking my ass whenever i go near the kitchen
TG: reading out news articles about how it gives you cancer
TG: dude you have no idea how good you have it living without any sibs
EB: there's still my dad.
EB: ever since i got the job he's been baking cupcakes nonstop to celebrate.
EB: if i see one more i think i might puke.
TG: you are such a weird kid
TG: anyone else in the entire world would be crying rainbow tears if their old man showered them in baked goods
EB: no, dave.
EB: those kids don't understand.
EB: baked goods
EB: all
EB: the
EB: time
EB: it's traumatic, i'm telling you!
TG: i guess if they were shaped like smuppets youd have a case
TG: as it stands i still think youre nuts but its cool
EB: oh gosh, i don't even want to imagine my dad even knowing what smuppets are, much less baking cakes shaped like them.
EB: but, just trust me.
EB: someday if you ever come visit you will understand what i mean when i say betty crocker is the most evil woman to ever exist.
TG: betty crocker is a godsend to the confectionery world bro i have no idea what youre talking about
TG: i have to say your old man doesnt seem like the smuppet type but who knows
TG: i mean have you even seen inside his room
EB: noooo dave don't even go there, please!
EB: that is like the one thing i never want to think about ever in my life.
TG: pff okay ill let up on you but only cause im in a good mood today
TG: works going pretty well but still having a day off is awesome
TG: especially after doing a week of solid shifts
EB: oh... hold on, something in my room is beeping...
TG: huh
TG: your phone or something right
EB: no dave it is a bomb.
EB: i'm going to die if i don't get out in five minutes!
EB: hehe okay no it was my phone.
EB: hm, dave you're pretty popular with the ladies, right?
TG: okay cause i was just about to jump out the window in my terror for your safety
TG: jk i was sat here drinking apple juice
TG: and youd be right
EB: glad to know you care.
EB: okay well would you mind giving me some advice?
TG: huh
TG: wait
TG: egbert
TG: hold the phone
TG: preferably not the one that is doubling up as a bomb that would be counterintuitive
EB: oops i guess i should put that one down!
EB: but wait why am i holding this figurative phone?
TG: youve got a girl queued up
TG: is this what this is about
EB: what?
EB: no!
EB: no, that isn't it at all.
EB: okay the thing is this girl likes me a lot for some reason, but i'm not really interested!
EB: and she keeps texting me
EB: and i don't want to hurt her feelings but it's starting to get a little annoying...
EB: and i figure you're so cool you've got to get like a million girls a day giving you love notes and shit, and you probably know how to let them down easy?
EB: unless that's not how coolkids roll, in which case i guess i shouldn't bother asking. :P
TG: shit john i didnt know you had it in you
TG: im wiping a single tear from my eye here
EB: wh..what?
TG: your first rejection speech im so proud
TG: ok well has she come out and said anything to you about liking you yet
TG: all up close and personal
TG: or does it look like shell do that soon
EB: um, well she hasn't said it yet.
EB: every time it seemed like she was going to, i sort of told her i had to go to work...
TG: ice cold bro
TG: okay youre gonna have to let her confess if you want to go anywhere towards letting her down man
TG: that being said it took me a while to work up to direct refusals
TG: maybe we can go with something easier
TG: shit did i ever tell you about that first girl who was macking on me a while back
TG: come to think of it i probably didnt considering how i let her down but uh
EB: oh... um, no you never did tell me about her.
TG: well she was making some pretty lewd verbal plays for my boypole
TG: and she just wasnt my type man yknow
TG: so uh im on the computer during this terrible attempt of hers to romance her way into my boxers
TG: talking to you actually
TG: and shes like
TG: oh you have internet friends wow
TG: and im like
TG: internet friends god damn it this is my boyfriend we met on okcupid how dare you trivialize our relationship
TG: problem solved
EB: wait, you used me as your fake boyfriend?
TG: sorry
EB: oh, no it's fine! it's kind of funny, actually.
TG: wait why am i apologizing
EB: good question!
TG: who wouldnt want to be my fake boyfriend
EB: that is a good point! hehe
EB: so are you saying that i should tell the girl who's interested in me that i have an internet boyfriend?
TG: its as good a way as any to get em off your back
TG: only downside is that after that it might be hard to get a girlfriend you actually want
TG: on account of everyone thinking youre gay and taken and all
EB: that didn't happen to you?
TG: i moved schools
TG: bonus of living with bro i guess
EB: oh, well that's helpful.
EB: i don't think my dad would go for it, but...
EB: i don't know, i might just do it anyways...
TG: you can always just say it was a phase or whatever
TG: half of suburban america is dumb enough to think you can switch in and out of sexualities like youre in a changing room so hey make the most of it
EB: well when you put it that way it seems like kind of a shitty thing to do!
TG: yeah it kind of is
TG: exactly why i dont do that anymore
EB: oh...
EB: what if i still did it and just stuck with it instead of calling it a phase?
EB: it's not like there are really any girls i'm interested in anyways
EB: and there's only one year left of high school, so it won't matter after graduation.
TG: hey good point
TG: i guess there are worse fake boyfriends i could fake date until graduation
TG: in fake of all the fake boyfriends youd probably be my top choice
TG: *fact jegus christ
EB: goodness dave, catch me i'm swooning.
EB: no wonder all the girls like you.
TG: what can i say im just a natural born ladykiller
TG: except i guess i can extend my talents to cover maneating as well now
EB: hehe maneating that's a funny word.
EB: and do you mean fake maneating, or have you...
TG: what
TG: no
TG: no way
TG: why
TG: have you
EB: oh, no.
EB: i mean jeez i've only been able to get one girl interested in me in my entire life, why would any dudes find me attractive?
TG: hey now no pitywagoning
TG: that stuff up there about you being my top pick for fake boyfriends was 100% truth concentrate
TG: but uh
TG: ive had a guy or two
TG: express
TG: interest lets say
EB: that's not really surprising, though!
EB: with all the ladies there's bound to be some dudes thrown in there as well.
EB: and of course you turned them all down just like the ladies, by using your top pick fake boyfriend, right?
EB: hehe
TG: heh yeah tahts it exactly
TG: *thats
TG: fuck my typing
TG: yeah honestly none of the people confessing were my type anyway
TG: girls
TG: GIRLS just girls
TG: lots of blondes and idk i think that much blonde in a couple is a step too much
EB: oh, is that so?
EB: damnit, this girl won't stop texting me...
EB: doesn't she know it's almost 1 in the morning?
EB: anyways, what are there no brunettes in texas?
EB: haha what about the guys who "expressed interest"? were they blond too?
TG: fuck it is pretty late she must be really into you
TG: use all your charm in shutting her down bro i believe in you
TG: hey theres lots of brunettes
TG: just none that have hit on me
TG: yet
TG: well no actually one of the dudes had brown hair
TG: the other was a redhead
TG: but yeah neither were my type
TG: i mean
TG: neither would be my type if i were into guys as well
EB: oh...
TG: ???
TG: that oh seemed kinda emotionally charged there
EB: no, it's nothing!
EB: i'm just getting tired, i guess!
EB: that is definitely it
TG: yeah dealing with obsessed girls can do that to a guy
EB: i will text her telling her my boyfriend is telling me about his new job and i'll have to talk to her later...
TG: good strategy dude
TG: my job is pretty important
TG: way more important than texting some girl anyway
EB: alright text sent
EB: i am actually pretty tired, though.
EB: and i sorta do have to work tomorrow, eheh.
TG: heh same here
TG: shifts bro theyre rough
EB: yours are probably harder! delivering pizzas is a lot more work than stocking books!
TG: eh not so much half of the orders are just bro prank calling
EB: why is that not surprising!
TG: hes just
TG: this angelic figure
TG: that ive been blessed with
EB: you are the luckiest little brother ever, obviously.
TG: i wake up every morning in tears because im just so moved
TG: that i live with such a kind and cariBRO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM
TG: YES I CAN SEE YOU
TG: get out
TG: ok
EB: hi mr. strider!
EB: hehehe
TG: sup egbert kid.
TG: i dunno what your dads curfew is but you should probably get to bed.
TG: fuck off bro
TG: okay hes out
EB: hahaha shouldn't he be saying the same to you?
EB: but i guess he does have a point...
TG: he just told me to get off the computer or hell do something drastic
TG: which is usually codeword for stuffing my bed full of smuppets and taking photos
EB: not like he wouldn't do that anyways.
TG: eugh dont remind me
EB: well i guess that means i should go...
TG: heh same here
TG: but we can talk tomorrow right
TG: tell me how things went on with your stalker
EB: she's not a stalker, jeez. just... really interested for some reason.
EB: whatever yeah we can talk tomorrow!
EB: i'll try to be online more often.
TG: hey same here man
TG: i get off the clock at 6 i think so ill try and get back for 630
EB: your time or mine?
TG: my time
TG: you gonna be back here for then
EB: uh
EB: i...think so.
EB: i need to do some reading tomorrow too so i might be a little later if that's okay!
EB: dave?
TG: sorry im running off my phone
TG: bro turned off the electricity like the douchepole he is
TG: and yeah i can wait up for you no problem
EB: oh that's harsh of him.
EB: but good!
EB: okay i will talk to you tomorrow then.
EB: goodnight, dave!
TG: hey night john
TG: see you tomorrow

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

John woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and in a mood that could rival black—or as close to that as he could get, being John Egbert. So Dave definitely wasn't into boys, had said so multiple times… John's eyes stung and he stopped that train in its tracks before the depressed thoughts could swerve and run off of the tracks and crash in a big fiery explosion in a ditch nearby.

Anna hadn't texted him again since last night, so at least the fake boyfriend thing was working.

Sighing, John popped a few ibuprofen before getting ready to go to work.

--

Five in the evening struck, and John clocked out with a big sigh of relief. Despite what he'd said to Dave last night, stocking books for nine hours wasn't exactly a walk in the park. There had been some particularly ungrateful customers today, and his headache never really did go away, despite the ibuprofen. John wondered if he would really have the concentration to complete the section of reading he'd planned on working on tonight. He kind of just wanted to log onto pesterchum and talk to Dave until the wee hours and hopefully successfully steer the conversation away from girls whenever necessary.

Leaving the store, the parking lot was relatively full, and there were some kids that John thought he recognized as classmates loitering around the front. He waved at them and smiled before turning and heading back behind the store. He didn't really register it at first, but he thought he heard them snigger and one of them say, "Holy shit," indignantly.

A minute passed and as John was walking through the alleyway behind the store, he suddenly felt himself being pushed roughly into the fence next to him. The same four boys who had been hanging around outside were now surrounding him, angry smirks and looks of disgust on their faces.

"Sup, Egbert," one of them said in a snotty tone of voice. "Where's your boyfriend today, huh?"

"T-Texas," he blurted out before he had time to think. They all looked at each other with shocked expressions before turning to him with simple anger burning in their eyes. John's face drained of color, fear gripping him with its icy fingers. "J-Just kidding!" he added quickly, a fake grin plastered on his face. "I'm not… I'm not a homosexual!"

"Nice try, faggot," one of them spat. "Anna showed me your cute little text." Another boy pushed him again, and John froze like a deer in headlights, too frightened to move.

"What, wanna suck my dick now, fuckin' perv?"

"Haha, gross."

"Well you know all fags are loose sluts."

John cringed and closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that this wasn't happening, but one of them said, "Oh look he's totally imagining sucking you off bro, that's sick," and suddenly a fist was slamming into his stomach. He fell to his knees with a wheeze and tried to curl in on himself, but wasn't able to when he was being pulled back up by his collar. "Shit, Egbert must really want my dick in his mouth, look how fast he got on his knees." This time they punched him in the face, and his head flew back and hit the fence behind him, causing his overbite to come down hard on his lower lip, drawing blood.

"So what, did your boyfriend move to Texas or are you just not good enough to get any in real life?"

"Dude, hold him down."

"He's not even fighting back, the faggot."

"Haha he probably wants our hands all over him anyway."

Another strike, this time knocking his glasses to the ground, and they were about to hit him again when someone yelled from the mouth of the alleyway.

"Hey you little shits, get the fuck out of here!"

The boys jumped, and when they realized they'd been seen they ran out of the alley as fast as they could, leaving John to slump against the fence, his knees buckling and his body sliding to the ground, breathing heavily. The man who had scared off the bullies ran over and knelt next to him. "Hey, kid." John didn't respond immediately, didn't really even register he was being talked to. The man snapped his fingers in front of John's face. "Kid, snap out of it."

John blinked and looked over as the man leaned over and grabbed John's glasses from where they'd fallen on the ground. He handed them to John, who took them slowly, his hand shaking. "Kid, you okay? Do you want me to call your parents? The police…?"

Something inside him had shut off, or he was in shock; whatever it was, John couldn't respond, wasn't even capable of it. The man stared at him for a couple moments longer before pulling out his cell phone. "I'm calling the police, okay? Everything's gonna be okay."

John didn't remember much else; just flashes and snippets of conversation and the incessant pounding in his head. He remembered the police talking to him, asking him to identify his attackers, bringing him to the station; he remembered his father walking in with worry lines etched into his face; he remembered his father talking to the police about what would be involved with pressing charges, filling out paperwork; he remembered getting into the car and finally breaking down, crying the whole way and not stopping even after they'd been parked in the driveway for fifteen minutes, Dad hugging him awkwardly over the armrest.

By the time John shut his bedroom door behind him, it was 10:30. He glanced at the computer and remembered that he was supposed to talk to Dave three and a half hours ago. Suppressing another sob, he stared at the screen for a full five minutes before finally loading pesterchum.

-– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: bro are you there
TG: jegus ok
TG: i guess ill just wait around like a douchebag with nothing better to do
TG: i guess maybe you forgot or something
TG: scool
TG: still not here huh
EB: no i'm here
EB: i'm sorry, i'm really sorry i'm so late
TG: and a thousand shitty fanfares blast off as one
TG: the paparazzi are goin wild
TG: its the elusive john egbert arriving fashionably late as usual
TG: except ordinarily i guess you arent THIS fashionably late
TG: i thought you werent coming bro
EB: i...
EB: well, i was sort of
EB: at the police station for the past couple hours...
TG: hey hold up a sec
TG: what were you doing there
TG: please tell me it wasnt some drastic attempt to reenact con air
TG: just for the record they dont usually ship their convicts places in airplanes these days
EB: i really wish that was it.
EB: really, really wish that was it.
TG: heh youre starting to worry me here
TG: what gives
EB: um, well
EB: gosh this is really hard for me to say.
EB: but you're my best friend, so...
EB: i sort of got attacked on my home from work today.
TG: wait
TG: what
EB: um
EB: that girl who'd been texting me?
EB: well i guess she showed one of the guys at my school about my "boyfriend"
EB: and he and some of his friends cornered me behind the store...
EB: dave...?
TG: what
TG: holy fuck
TG: what did they do to you
TG: they didnt
TG: they didnt make you do anything did they
EB: no!
EB: they just
EB: well they punched me a couple times and called me faggot a lot...
EB: i think they broke my glasses
EB: my lip is split but it wasn't bad enough that i needed to go to the hospital or anything.
TG: fucking
TG: christ
TG: tell me where they live im gonna get bro to drive me down so i can kick their balls through their eye sockets
EB: i don't know where they live unfortunately, because that would be pretty cool of you.
EB: but, uh
EB: that reminds me
EB: that surprise I mentioned yesterday...
EB: well, i've been saving up to buy a ticket to fly out to see you before summer's over.
EB: but my dad wants to press charges against those guys, so what with court dates and stuff, I don't think I'll be able to...
TG: shit this is all my fault
TG: wow in terms of giving shitty dangerous advice i take the cake
TG: multiple cakes
EB: no, dave...
TG: all the cakes in your house and then some
TG: fuck
EB: that's too many cakes, okay?
EB: you didn't do anything wrong.
EB: how can this possibly be your fault?
TG: also that is kind of hilarious because i was saving up for the same thing
TG: well the inversion
TG: wouldnt do me much good to fly out and visit myself
TG: i told you to pull that homoromantic excuse bullshit
TG: shouldve just said you were macking on rose or something
TG: fuck i am such an asshole
EB: it's not bullshit, okay? it shouldn't even matter who i said was my fake whatever.
EB: all you did was give me advice
EB: it was my choice to go along with it
EB: how could we have known that something like this would happen?
TG: i guess we couldnt but still
TG: god damn it why is it any of her business who you want to make out with if it isnt her
TG: setting her bouncers on you i mean who does that
EB: crazy bitches, dave. that's who.
EB: i knew there was something about her that bugged me, i guess now i know what it is.
EB: but... were you really planning on flying up here?
EB: i mean, are you still?
TG: welp i think thats safely extinguished even the slightest chance you had of going out with her right
TG: she sounds like a bitch
TG: and well if youre marooned in washington due to putting some fuckrumpuses into juvy then i guess thats the plan
EB: yeah i'd rather be your fake boyfriend than her real one any day.
EB: and... awesome.
EB: wow, that actually really cheers me up.
EB: when do you think you'll be coming? so i can let my dad know...
TG: hey
TG: john
TG: you can legit be my fake boyfriend for the rest of my life
TG: ill engrave that shit on my tombstone
TG: here lies dave strider
TG: beloved brother and fake boyfriend
TG: and then therell be a framed picture of you next to mine and well be making fonz hands at each other
TG: give the random graveyard patrons something to grin about
TG: and ive nearly saved up enough so i guess i can make the bookings next week
EB: i like this plan.
EB: fake boyfriends for life.
EB: brofriends, hehe.
EB: and i guess i will let my boss know i need less hours for the next couple weeks!
EB: oh my gosh this is actually really exciting.
EB: will you watch con air with me??
TG: brofriends sounds like a legit relationship
TG: fuck that single married widowed bullshit
TG: ill just write brofriends under other and be set for life
TG: also seeing how i managed to get your ass kicked for you i think con air is what i deserve
EB: ow, dave can you stop making me smile like an idiot? my lip didn't stop being split in the last couple minutes.
EB: hehehe
EB: and hey! you didn't get my ass kicked for me, okay?
EB: i refuse to let you take any blame for this!
TG: okay lets dial the mood back down to maudlin
TG: if only so we can stop your lip from splitting further
TG: cause that shit sounds painful
TG: and tough im gonna take all the blame
TG: the stock market is going crazy because suddenly all the blame is in my corner
EB: ugh dave why must you be so difficult?
EB: if anyone's to blame it's that girl for telling her homophobe friends.
TG: yeah but she wouldnt have had any justification if i hadnt told you to be a wiseguy and pretend to be gay
TG: not that thats a jsutification
TG: *justification fuck i cant even type today whats wrong with me
EB: um
TG: um
TG: um what
TG: you cant just leave me hanging with that um
EB: oh, sorry. hehe.
EB: anyways you just said it shouldn't matter anyways if i told her i was gay! that's no reason to get her big dude friends to beat me up!
EB: so really it's not your fault at all.
TG: am i still permitted to feel awful about it
EB: no! don't be silly.
TG: actually wait i dont need no freakin permit to beat myself up
TG: i promise ill tone it down though
EB: dave, even if you tone it down i'm still going to be feeling awful that you're feeling awful even though you didn't do anything wrong.
TG: you got hurt because of a dumb thing i suggested you do
TG: and they called you a bunch of horrible offensive bullcrap
EB: it wasn't dumb, okay?
EB: i thought it was a good idea so i went with it.
TG: im still
TG: sorry
TG: the thought of you getting hurt makes me so fucking angry
TG: i just
TG: look nevermind sorry im spamming your window with this teenage angst soliloquy
EB: no, what?
EB: what were you gonna say?
EB: i mean i understand, me getting angry makes me angry too!
EB: hehe, but i'll be fine.
EB: i'll have a black eye for a week and it'll probably be gone before you even get here!
EB: and then we can hang out in person and i will have nothing to worry about.
EB: oh, haha i meant me getting hurt makes me angry too!
EB: guess i'm a little tired...
TG: dude its fine youve had a tough day
TG: as days go id say it has to rank pretty impressively on the shit tier
TG: and i wasnt
TG: i mean
TG: i just wish i couldve been there
TG: thats all
TG: they wouldntve been able to do anything if id been there because idve kicked their asses
EB: well i guess let's just hope that if it ever does happen again it'll be when you're here.
EB: but i'm sure it'll be fine, i think homophobes like that are pretty rare around here!
EB: to be honest, you live in the south so i'm pretty surprised that no one ever tried to pick a fight with you when you used me as your fake boyfriend!
TG: washington sounds like a paradise for an upwardly mobile fake homosexual such as myself
TG: and yeah theyre pretty gayphobic round my parts
TG: but eh they know if they try anything with me ill kick their teeth in
TG: all that bro training was good for something
EB: hehe, i guess so.
EB: i kind of wish i were better at defending myself.
EB: though granted i never really needed to before today.
EB: maybe you should teach me a few things while you're here!
EB: then when you go back to texas i won't be completely helpless, hehe.
TG: heh that doesnt sound like a bad idea
TG: dave striders all intensive ass kicking courser
TG: guaranteed to force you twelve levels up in rampant badassery
EB: oh boy, a whole twelve levels?
EB: haha is there going to be any time for fun while you're here?
TG: hey me teaching you how to kick ass will be fun
TG: but yeah thats only gonna make up the appetizer for the sick amounts of leisure activity were gonna get up to
TG: you got any videogames that dont threaten the existence of humanity as we know it because let me tell you i am all about those
EB: dave who do you think you're talking to!
TG: haha true
EB: blackops, portal 2, left 4 dead, halo...
EB: whatever you want really!
EB: i can get more now too since all the money i'd saved up to visit you is pretty much up for grabs.
TG: excellent we can go trawling bargain stores for terribad classics
TG: i dont think anything comes close to the ironic perfection of mad snacks yo but i guess we could find some of those knockoff disney party games
TG: we can play halo too though
TG: ill try not to beat you too hard
EB: i'd like to see you try!
TG: there is no try involved egbert
TG: ill just be playing and then whoops did i win again
TG: sorry i just cant seem to stop being effortlessly better than you
EB: whatever, dave!
EB: you will see.
EB: i am the master at halo!
TG: bring it on dude
TG: hey i actually beat bro at halo the other day just so you know what youre up against
TG: it was worth the righteous smuppet pummeling he gave me afterwards
EB: fluke wins do not convince me, strider!
EB: that that is pretty impressive...
EB: *though that, oops!
EB: dave, what the hell i didn't hurt your feelings that bad, did i?
TG: nah its just bro suddenly came out of nowhere to shove a puppet in my face for 'misrepresenting' him
EB: pfft
TG: my dignity is in tatters
TG: getting beaten up with a puppet ass this is my life
TG: do me a favor john and if you ever do come and visit never leave my bedroom
TG: wait that sounded awful
TG: i mean dont get in bros way
EB: haha ooh mr. strider ooh why would i ever want to leave your room
EB: but don't worry even without your warning i would never want to get in your bro's way!
EB: he'll probably make fun of me enough for being such a nerd as is.
TG: yeah come to think of it he might say some stupid shit but hes harmless
TG: well
TG: mostly
TG: i dont seriously think hell try anything on a guest but just in case we should probably keep away from the roof
EB: yeah that sounds like a good idea.
EB: i think strife with bro strider is something that should really only be saved for you.
EB: hehe, sorry.
TG: hey no worries i dont want you cutting in on our animesque sibling rivalry
TG: but yeah speaking of bedrooms and terrible innuendo
TG: when i come visit you where am i staying
TG: i can probably afford a motel if you guys cant put me up so
EB: oh of course you can stay here!
EB: don't be silly, you aren't going to a motel.
EB: you'll just sleep in my bed and i can sleep on the floor!
EB: i mean, if we even sleep. we have video games to play, after all!
TG: ugh what im not letting you sleep on the floor thats dumb
EB: what, why?
TG: id feel like a douche for taking your bed
TG: although you make an excellent point about how likely we actually are to do any sleeping at all
EB: exactly!
EB: and anyways it would be fine! i mean, you're the guest so it only makes sense for you to get the bed.
TG: psh fine if you say so
EB: i do say so!
EB: so there, hehe.
TG: its gonna be kinda crazy actually seeing you irl
TG: i mean i know there was the game but
TG: idk
EB: that's not really the same.
TG: the game was bullfuck crazy and so seeing you in realtime kind of blended into the bullfuck craziness
EB: haha, exactly.
TG: seeing you in the real world with all the boring domestic life stuff going on in the background
TG: thats gonna be weird
EB: no cool powers, no missions, just plain old us.
EB: though you still pretty much have superpowers even irl, hehe!
EB: i'm just a nerd who gets good grades and plays video games. you'll probably get bored of real life me!
TG: hey plain old you is just fine
TG: i started being friends with you despite all your dorky limitations remember
TG: you couldnt do none of that crazy windy firework buffoonery when we just started out so ive proven i can cope with plain old regular egdork
EB: haha not to mention it's been like four years since we won, and if you're still talking to me by now, i must be doing something right!
TG: definitely
TG: i mean it was a devestating blow to our friendship when i learned that you couldnt fly around like a dorky blue butterfly anymore but gradually i learnt to deal
EB: pfft it must have been hard for you.
TG: an arduous battle to be sure
TG: fuck im out of apple juice again
TG: my life is over
EB: oh, i wish i could buy you one.
EB: i'm guessing it's too late to go to a grocery store.
EB: oh, dave i'm falling asleep on my keyboard.
EB: i think i should go to sleep...
TG: just a little too late yeah
TG: kid you need to go to bed
TG: orders from your dickbag of a best friend who got you beat up okay this TG: shit is serious
EB: oh shut up, dave. it's not like i haven't been exhausted this whole time.
EB: i just
EB: really wanted to talk to you i guess.
TG: well
TG: i really wanted to talk to you too
TG: hence me staying on here for 3 1/2 hours and letting rose pull her bullshit psychology at me
EB: haha if i were more awake i'd want to know what she's saying
EB: i’ll ask her tomorrow
TG: no
TG: uh
TG: heh
TG: it was dumb
EB: what you can't tell me no!
EB: i'll ask her if i want.
EB: unless you'd rather tell me, pfft.
TG: uh
TG: hahahaha
TG: youd laugh
TG: its really fucking dumb
EB: well her crazy psychological stuff is pretty funny!
EB: but dude i am really falling asleep
EB: tell me about it tomorrow, how about that.
EB: something tells me dad won't be letting me go to work, so i'll probably have some freetime.
TG: well i have some shifts but ill be back home same time as usual
TG: and yeah ill tell you tomorrow its actually hilarious and you will laugh everywhere
EB: good, i will probably need a laugh!
TG: something to look forward to right
EB: totally.
EB: alright, well
EB: thank you for cheering me up, dave.
EB: i’ll talk to you tomorrow!
TG: no problem bro
TG: now go rest the fuck up ok
TG: see you tomorrow john try not to miss me too hard
EB: that'll be a challenge, but i'm sure i'll survive. hehe
EB: goodnight!
TG: night dude

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

Chapter 2: Tentacle Therapy

Notes:

confession: i already have eight chapters of this finished. so... i'm posting them here slowly (as i have a lot of homework and studying to worry about right now), but if anyone is REALLY SUPER IMPATIENT and wants to read it all RIGHT NOW feel free to search on tumblr "the figurehead of queer justice" tag, where i just posted a link.

also, the dave and rose log in this chapter is completely courtesy of vector. :)

-– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

EB: dave! i hope you had a good day at work.
EB: if i don't respond when you get back i'm probably downstairs with my dad.
TG: shit you preempted me no fair
TG: jsyk im still in my hideous estimation of a pizza employee uniform
TG: shit looks like bad cosplay
EB: oh i bet you're just being modest.
EB: is it possible for dave strider to not be attractive?? :P
EB: i mean at least you're probably better than me after work with my gross polo and khackis
TG: probably not possible but when im wearing this it becomes probable and thats too much for me
TG: shit you have a uniform too that is too precious
TG: pics or it didnt happen
EB: no way you'll see it when you get here.
EB: i don't want you passing a pic around to rose and jade, they'll laugh at me and call me cute!
TG: you are cute
TG: better learn to deal with it
EB: what!
TG: also no homo
EB: i'm not cute at all.
EB: and sure dave whatever pfft.
TG: you totally are you give a brother diabetes just looking at you
TG: like a fleet of dimple-cheeked choirboys each holding a basket with kittens or puppies in
TG: thats the level of cute
TG: why do you think none of us take you seriously its cause were too busy suppressing our urges to pinch your cheeks egbert
EB: what since when do you not take me seriously??
EB: oh my gosh nevermind shut up, dave.
TG: heh
TG: anyway work was eventful
TG: if im typing slower its cause i have an icepack strapped to my hand
TG: on account of some dickstain knocking me against the fryer while i was doing side orders
EB: what?
EB: what the hell happened?
TG: eh most of the staff are okay theres just this jizztowel who likes to give me a hard time
TG: probably cause his dad drinks or some shit idk
EB: oh, that's sad.
EB: but still, why would he do something like that to you?
TG: yknow i have no idea
TG: hes always bumping into me
TG: starting to piss me off especially seeing how he ended up getting my hand fried
TG: to be fair he apologized
EB: maybe it was an accident?
TG: he doesnt do it to anyone else
TG: fuck he wasnt even working sides today there was no reason for him to be anywhere near me
TG: but anyway that was my day
TG: getting burned by some douche
TG: its nothing compared to the shitmarole you had to go through yesterday but eh if i type slow thats why
EB: no dave don't compare your day to mine that isn't even fair. it certainly doesn't make the fact that your hand got burned any less shitty.
EB: and hey if that guy at work only targets you maybe he has a reason for it?
EB: you should ask rose, she'd know.
TG: ugh
TG: i know exactly what shed say
TG: can we infiltrate roses house and burn all her wizard porn i think shes been reading too much of it lately
EB: haha!
EB: sounds like fun, but she'd probably get really angry and kill us with her knitting needles!
EB: oh speaking of rose, didn't she say something funny to you last night?
EB: i was so tired i don't really remember.
EB: daaave.
EB: if you're gonna go get more ice you could at least let me know.
TG: sorry it seized up
TG: and uh
TG: she did say something funny yeah
TG: hilarious really
EB: haha what?
TG: oh
TG: haha
TG: yeah
TG: okay keep in mind this isnt even something she directly said to me
TG: this is lalonde after all the decoding i do just to keep up with her snarky therapy banter
EB: yeah yeah i get it!
TG: so in other words she seriously thinks this
TG: haha
TG: basically she thinks i want to bone you
TG: shes implied it in like five different conversations
EB: oh
TG: funny right
TG: like
TG: i mean
TG: totally ridiculous levels of funny
TG: because its totally ridiculous
EB: uh yeah!
EB: haha rose is probably just reading too much wizard porn.
TG: yeah thats totally it
TG: reading shit into the atmosphere that isnt there
TG: i mean were both straight dudes right
TG: doesnt stop her though
TG: look at this bs
TG: TT: I wouldn't ever infer that relations between the two of you were anything less than platonic.
TG: TT: Your insistence on rivalling him in the game, while the perfect fodder for lesser girls than myself, was clearly just a manner of re-establishing your brotherly affection. I understand, Dave.
TG: TT: How often do you talk with him again? Jade has told me you haven't messaged her in three days now.
EB: um
EB: haha yeah
EB: rose is silly.
TG: i was like fuck just cause i dont message harley all the time doesnt mean anything
TG: and she was all
TG: TT: This is our second conversation in seven days.
TG: look youre my best friend right
EB: of course i am!
TG: its totally normal to want to talk to your best friend every day isnt it
EB: well, yeah!
EB: don't other best bros do that?
TG: yeah my argument exactly
TG: and then she said some more stupid shit that just was a load of lies and falsifications so lets not even go there
EB: no what did she say?
TG: ugh
TG: ok this was from later in the conversation
TG: TG: and so yeah now this bitch thinks were dating TT: Interesting. TG: ok dont gimme that TG: whats interesting about it TT: For someone so infatuated with irony not to understand what is interesting is....Why, it's like an ironic paradox. TT: I am falling down all of this irony. TT: Also, did you know that 80% of this conversation has been about John? TT: Unrelated, but also interesting.
EB: i see...
EB: i'm guessing the conversation wasn't actually 80% about me...
TG: well
TG: ok most of it was about the thing with you and that crazy fucked up broad
TG: but yeah what she was getting at was that it was ironic that we were fake-dating when apparently i want to real-date your dorky ass
EB: oh...
EB: i guess that is pretty silly.
TG: that lalonde huh
TG: i mean in terms of fake boyfriends you are definitely the only one for me
TG: heres where the romantic music swells
TG: but yeah who would even crush on his completely straight best friend right
TG: that only happens in those terrible japanese manga that bro prints out and sticks all over my door
EB: hehe he would do something like that.
EB: um, but yeah, getting a crush on your completely straight best friend would be painful and silly
EB: i mean painfully silly.
EB: or, well, both i guess.
TG: yeah i guess it would
TG: not that i have like
TG: any experience
TG: at all in that
TG: but my powers of imagination are gratuitous enough that i can extrapolate just how heart-wrenching and miserable it might be
EB: oh, um, me too.
EB: it sounds like it would be hopeless.
EB: but i mean i guess we'll never know for sure, right?
TG: yeah
TG: no way of knowing
TG: i mean i guess if i were to take a break being this fine specimen of heterosexual man-steak that i clearly am all the time
TG: and i had myself a perusal of guys to while away the break with
TG: thered be worse people than you
TG: i mean actually every guy would be worse than you
TG: but i guess you wouldnt be taking a break from heterosexuality so its a moot point
EB: i
EB: um
EB: oh my dad is calling me, i'll be right back

John pushed himself away from the computer as some tears began to fall from his eyes, feeling strange and foreign over the bruises that had formed since yesterday. His chest heaved for breath, and he lamented the painful mixture of butterflies in his stomach and feeling like something cold and heavy was pressing on his chest.

That isn’t fucking fair, Dave. You can’t say shit like that to me. Not when I…

Pesterchum flashed again, and John looked at the screen through blurry eyes.

TG: is this legit or are you jsut making an excuse to run away from that miserable trainwreck of a paragraph up there
TG: *just
TG: fuck my life i couldnt write a cohesive sentence today even if i had fully operational hands

John shook his head and jumped up to run to the bathroom and splash some water on his face. Anything to make this feeling go away. He didn’t think he could handle it for much longer.

EB: jeez it was legit!
EB: you don't trust me at all, do you?
TG: wounded over here egbert
TG: of course i trust you
TG: i dont trust myself to write anything after that grotesque wordvomit but uh
EB: it's fine, dave.
EB: i..feel the same way, actually.
EB: like, if i were to take a break from heterosexuality
EB: you would be it.
TG: really
TG: heh
TG: that
TG: thats pretty great to know
TG: i mean both of us talking hypothetically here right because were both straight
TG: b
TG: fuck this keyboard
EB: it's okay, i know it must be difficult to type.
TG: heh its not that
TG: anyway its good to know that we can score our top choices if our straightness ever
TG: yknow
TG: stopped being a thing
EB: yeah...
EB: um but anyways, i have to go to the police station again tomorrow, so i don't know if i'll be able to talk.
EB: i guess dad and i are supposed to meet with the guys who attacked me and their families.
EB: i'm not really looking forward to it...
TG: im not either
TG: why the fuck are they making you go face to face with those dicks again thats the last thing you need
TG: i mean ill be up really late just in case you
TG: yknow feel like venting afterwards
EB: i don't know why they're making me talk to them, i guess it's just protocol.
EB: this is probably really uncool, but i'm actually pretty scared.
TG: why would that be uncool
TG: they beat you up dude theyve proven that theyre willing to cross the line
TG: shitty protocol if you ask me
EB: i don't know, i mean we'll be surrounded by police officers, so it seems kind of pointless to be scared.
EB: i just...
EB: i had a nightmare about it last night, to be honest.
EB: i wish i could just never have to see them again.
TG: fuck
TG: i wish i could go with you
EB: dave, you would kick all of their asses then get thrown in jail.
EB: probably not a good idea!
TG: hell dyou think im stupid i wouldnt do anything while the cops were there
TG: id just glare at em
EB: haha how would they know with your sunglasses on!
TG: eyebrows man
TG: theyre how i emote
EB: hehehe that's kind of funny.
EB: it would be cool if you took your sunglasses off, though.
EB: not like in a police station
EB: but while you’re here.
TG: huh
TG: what why would you want to see that
EB: why wouldn't i?
EB: you're my best bro after all, it seems silly that you wouldn't let me see your eyes.
TG: uh
TG: heh well eyes arent all that interesting
TG: massively overrated
TG: window to the soul who thought up that poetic load
EB: but it's so true!
EB: when ben affleck and liv tyler look each other in the eyes in armageddon, oh my gosh it's so romantic.
EB: and it only makes sense that you would wear sunglasses all the time, you don't want people staring into your soooul.
EB: hehe oops do i sound like rose?
TG: just a bit
TG: sok though i mean we just had that awkward moment up there where we confessed our willingness to score with each other in a lapse of judgment
TG: should send the log to her itd be like christmas came early
TG: also im never reenacting armageddon in any sense of the word
EB: hahaha yeah that doesn't surprise me.
EB: but come on making eye contact isn't in any way reenacting armageddon!
TG: depends how powerful our offscreen chemistry is i guess
TG: you can be liv tyler btw i will bestow that honor unto you
EB: what why do i have to be the girl!
TG: im not being liv tyler
EB: but she's hot why wouldn't you want to be her!
TG: then id have to make out with ben affleck and he has a face like an ass
TG: but yeah i never take the shades off
TG: its my trademark
TG: my curse
TG: my legend
EB: whatever, dave. i will forever stand by the fact that you are just silly.
TG: heh guess i can live with it
TG: urgh bros being a dick
TG: i think im getting kicked off here soon
EB: oh, what?
EB: it's only like 10:30, what the hell.
TG: yeah tell me about it
TG: i think hes pissed off with work or a girl or some shit
TG: oh
TG: ok he just left a note
TG: he wants us to fight i guess urgh
EB: but what about your hand?
TG: like he gives a shit
TG: i can fight onehanded anyway its not too much of a big deal
EB: well, whatever you say.
EB: be careful, okay?
TG: heh i will
TG: i should be saying that to you for tomorrow
TG: be careful john
EB: i'll be fine, dave, seriously. my dad will be with me the whole time.
TG: i still worry
TG: wait
TG: fuck ignore that
TG: i mean
TG: yeah just keep your ass guarded and dont let em freak you out
EB: oh
EB: thanks, dave.
EB: really thank you, i’ll be on my guard.
EB: um, well, good luck!
TG: thanks john
TG: you too

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

John shut down his computer and stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed, pulling his comforter tight around him and grabbing his PDA from the bedside table.

-– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

EB: why do you keep trying to get him to admit to being gay?

Ten minutes passed, John lying on his side and clutching the PDA in one hand, trying to will himself to sleep despite the fact that the sun hadn’t even completely gone down yet. But he couldn’t force himself to be tired, not when his mind was racing with all the things Dave had said. Heart-wrenching and miserable; that is what he’d said he thought it would feel like to crush on your completely straight best friend. John’s chest ached. So can you imagine what being in love with your completely straight best friend must feel like?

His PDA buzzed and he wiped his eyes gently, making small sounds of discomfort when his fingers pressed against the bruises, before bringing the screen in front of his face and wincing at the sudden brightness.

TT: Well John, besides the fact that I simply take pleasure in exploring the inner workings of Dave’s mind, and nevermind my intuition telling me he is quite infatuated with you, I figured if I used more suggestive language, he might consider being honest with you.
TT: He is, of course, endlessly stubborn about all of this.
EB: well thanks i guess for trying to help me out, but he’s just treating your suggestive language like a joke. he’s pretty much straight and there’s no way he’ll ever like me like that.
TT: John, you do realize that Dave was raised in a place where to be a homosexual means thrashings, and for some people even death. Imagine what happened to you, and multiply it by ten, and that is what you can expect in Texas.
TT: Not that I am trying to belittle what happened to you, naturally. Occurrences like what you experienced would be no end of traumatizing for anyone.
TT: In any case, what I am trying to explain is that Dave is horribly closeted. The fact that he is convinced that you are just as heterosexual as he pretends to be surely does not give him any comfort.
EB: are you suggesting i tell dave that i’m not as straight as he thinks i am?
TT: I am fully convinced that doing so will open him up to the idea of considering his own sexuality as valid.
EB: …i don’t know if i can do that. the thought of telling him makes me feel really sick.
TT: Anxiety is to be expected, John, but what is really the worst that can happen?
EB: he could hate me for lying to him or think i’m gross or… i don’t know. lots of bad things.
TT: You are being silly. He’s your best friend and you know he has no issue with homosexuality regardless of whether or not he is actually closeted. How could he ever hate you?
EB: okay well you’re right, but i can’t, i really can’t.
TT: And why is that?
EB: ugh you’ll have a heyday with this, but, some…things were said tonight.
TT: What sort of things?
EB: he said that if he were to ever take a break from heterosexuality, every guy would be worse than me, and i sorta told him the feeling was mutual.
TT: I see. So if you tell him that you aren’t straight, it will be basically like admitting your feelings for him.
EB: yeah…
TT: Well, considering that he is perfectly content being your “fake” boyfriend, and that he has now admitted that, in a lapse of heterosexuality, you would be his choice in partners, I honestly don’t think you would have anything to worry about if he did know.
TT: But by all means, it is your choice to make.
EB: alright. thanks for the advice, rose.
EB: but do you think you could stop laying the suggestion on him so heavy? it makes him say things that are really painful for me and he doesn’t know it and i can’t tell him because he already feels bad enough about me getting beat up over him.
TT: Whatever you say, John.

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –-

He returned his PDA to the bedside table and placed his neatly folded glasses next to it before turning back over and burying his face in the blankets. There was no way he could tell Dave; he was right, Rose was just reading too much into the atmosphere.

Despite himself, John dozed off pretty quickly.

-

-– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: sup ectosis
TT: What a pleasant surprise! I was beginning to think you didn't love me anymore.
TT: I am sat here bedecked in the funeral finery befitting the death of such a dear and beloved relationship.
TG: oh ok
TG: listen
TG: can we establish a no-gloating barrier in this conversation for like twenty lines or so
TG: starting from now
TT: Are my lines included?
TG: no only mine
TG: shit two lines wasted
TG: ok so what if
TG: bear with me now
TG: what if
TG: i were reexamining my sexuality
TT: It surprises me greatly.
TG: yeah shut up
TT: I wasn't gloating.
TG: sarcasm is also banned
TG: seeing how you managed to slather more on in those four words than was necessary or called for
TG: it was like those four words were a cake and you dumped three vats of icing sugar on top just to make a point
TG: and now the cakewords are just swimming in this sugarcasm saturated to bursting point until they crumble into a mulch
TT: What is the point of this conversation, Dave?
TG: i dunno
TG: i was hoping for some guidance that didnt come in the form of gloating or tentacle therapy but seeing how you deal in both of those i guess its a lost cause
TG: brb messaging harley instead
TT: Jade will write such terrible machinations about you, I really wouldn't recommend it.
TG: point taken
TT: Why are you re-examining your sexuality? It can't have anything to do with John, according to your protests whenever I raise the subject. We've discussed this before, but it never hurts to revisit prior sessions.
TG: did you miss the part where i said no tentacle therapy
TT: Hush, I'm on a roll.
TT: I can't say I know what role you want me to provide. If you're seeking counsel, the obvious step is for you to undergo further self-examination until you're sure of your alleged 'heterosexy', which, by the way, is not a word, and does not scan in a rapological sense.
TG: the fuck is this
TG: i successfully cockblock you from gloating and you take it as an invitation to slam my verse
TT: Did you even read that message? Or did you go straight to the 'insult' and focus on defending your ego?
TG: shut up
TT: This is something you need to work out for yourself.
TT: I'd suggest talking to whoever it was who caused you to re-examine yourself, that might help clarify.
TT: Also, Dave?
TG: yes
TT: I warned you about those repressed homosexual feelings.
TT: I told you, dog.

-– tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

Chapter 3: An Ironic Thing for Nerds

Notes:

this chapter contains a little nsfw

Somehow he’s standing right in front of you, and he’s like everything you’d ever imagined. Blond hair neat and swept to one side, sunglasses covering an expression that might have been passive if not for the lips that were slightly parted, body lean and tall. Dave… Dave, I love you. I’ve never cared about anyone more than you. He leans towards you, so close that you feel his breath on your mouth, and he reaches up to remove your glasses as his lips touch yours, sweet and slow and gentle. Your knees quiver and you kiss back, tongue moving between his lips as his knee moves between your legs, eliciting muffled moans and whimpers. He pulls away enough to groan, “John,” into your mouth before reaching for the hem of your pants, and hearing him say your name always brings a heady rush, but more so now that it’s said with such desperation. One of his hands grips the underside of your thigh and pulls up, wrapping your leg around his waist. D-Dave, ah… He thrusts against you, this time moaning your name into your neck. You wrap your arms around him, fingers digging into his back, moving your hips to meet his. “John, I love you. I fucking love you more than anything.” And suddenly everything is searing white.

-

John awoke with a start, the sweat already cooling, his heartbeat slowing from an incessant flutter, and the liquid covering his hips making his boxers stick to his skin. “G-Gosh,” he breathed, and braced himself as he threw the covers off. The clock on his bedside table read 1:24am. With a sigh and a grimace, John stood and hobbled to the bathroom, praying the sound of the shower wouldn’t wake his father.

-

“Do you recognize this boy?”

“Yeah, that’s one of the kids who were surrounding him.”

Mumbled responses and the sound of pen scribbling away on paper followed, and John stared at Daniel Harlen from behind the one-way window, at his angry and tired expression, and tried to snuff out the pangs of fear shooting through his stomach. It’s silly to be scared, they can’t do anything to me here.

Thinking rationally never did comfort him.

i still worry

John felt heat rise in his cheeks when he remembered those words, and the fear was slightly subdued by the constricted feeling in his chest.

He looked over at his dad, whose face was drawn and frowning, then over to the man who had saved him and the police officer writing in her forms. The man, Eric Reading, was looking at him when he glanced over, his expression somewhere between concerned and curious.

“Hey kid, how you feeling?”

The police officer excused herself to take Daniel back to the holding cell and bring the next boy in. John cleared his throat.

“I’m… I’m okay. Thanks again, for doing this. It must be a huge inconvenience…”

“Not at all, man. Anything I can do to help.”

Dad shifted, and finally turned around. “John, I have to use the restroom. I’ll be right back, okay?” He patted his son on the shoulder and gave Eric a weary smile before turning towards the door. Panic rose into John’s throat as he watched his father close the door, and he wanted to follow him, didn’t want to be away from his father, made to move after him when Eric put a tentative hand on his shoulder.

“You sure you’re okay? You don’t have to be scared here, no one’s gonna let them do anything to you.” John looked down and didn’t answer. He knew he was safe, but that didn’t stop the memories of being cornered and punched and called disgusting things from bubbling inside him and making him feel sick. Eric’s hand on his shoulder tightened a little, and the man tilted his head, trying to look John in the eyes. “Kid, um… does your dad know why they were attacking you?”

John’s eyebrows creased a little and he finally met Eric’s gaze, panic rising in him for a completely different reason. “Wh-What?”

“Uh, sorry. Before I intervened I heard them say some stuff about your boyfriend, and calling you, well, using the six-letter f-word, let’s say.” When John tensed and braced himself, Eric let go of his shoulder. “Look, I’m not gonna say anything. I just think he’d probably want to know.”

The door on the other side of the one-way window opened, and they could see the officer escorting one of the other boys into the room. Eric glanced at her before looking at John again.

“I’m saying this as a father, kid. Trust me, he’ll be happy if you tell him.”

The officer finally opened the door and came in, and John rushed out before it could close.

-

-– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

EB: dave, how's your hand?
TG: shit bro you gotta stop getting there first
TG: its okay
TG: it itches some
TG: how was the police interview
TG: other than pretty fucking terrible which is how im imagining it was
EB: it wasn't really what i expected, i guess.
EB: the guy who intervened and pretty much saved my ass was there to identify them
EB: but i didn't actually have to be face-to-face with any of them.
EB: that was a big relief, let me tell you!
EB: my dad and i had to talk to their families though which was really awkward.
TG: oh that is way better than i expected it to go
TG: urgh
TG: did they give you any shit
EB: for the most part they were pretty nice about it and seemed surprised and apologetic that their darling sons would have ever done something like that.
EB: one of the dads was really...
EB: i don't know he kept glaring at me.
EB: haha i guess he probably hates me 'cause i'm "gay".
TG: huh
TG: then fuck that guy
TG: except no because he isnt worth that
EB: very funny, dave.
TG: yeah sorry my humor isnt quite up to the usual standard on account of me being unholy levels of pissed off on your behalf
EB: it's fine, really.
TG: incorrect
EB: the court date is scheduled for two weeks from now and the police said it should be pretty quick.
TG: you sound really unfine with it if you dont mind me saying
EB: r
EB: really?
EB: why?
TG: just idk getting a vibe from that 2P-color text of yours
TG: for what its worth i still wish i could go with you to do that whole supportive family member bullcrap
TG: court hearings dont sound like a day out to the circus
EB: um, i'm fine really!
EB: just tired, i guess.
EB: and, well, have you bought the plane ticket yet? when are you getting in?
TG: gonna book as soon as i get my confirmation for time off which should be like tomorrow
TG: how soon would be too soon
EB: you can come whenever, as long as it's not on the actual court date.
EB: we still have to come get you from the airport, after all!
TG: true true
TG: then i might try and come for the middle of next week
TG: i already asked bro and hes fine so long as he doesnt have to pay anything
EB: haha how nice of him.
EB: and good, i'll let my dad know.
TG: yeah spoilers the bro stands for broke-ass
TG: and sweet
TG: god i cant wait to get time away from work its getting really shitty lately
EB: really?
EB: is that guy still bothering you?
TG: yeah
EB: did something happen today?
TG: i suppose that depends on your definition of something
TG: or happen
TG: there was a minor thing that may or may not have occurred but no one else noticed it so did it really transpire
EB: oddly cryptic...
TG: bust out the philosophy textbooks im doing a mashup of freuds greatest hits dont miss it
TG: ok yeah im running at the keyboard but you get the point
TG: yeah something happened
TG: or at least
TG: i think it happened
EB: well are you gonna tell me what it is or just keep speaking in riddles?
TG: i like the riddles
EB: i like the truth better!
TG: i think
TG: he touched my ass
EB: what?
EB: really?
TG: i
TG: i dunno
TG: i was doing wash-up and no one else was really around
TG: and this dude he was meant to be doing toppings but he came over and stood by me a while and we talked about some stuff
TG: which you know i was totally down with execpt for how he was stood right up by my side
TG: like forget about up in my grill this guy was breaking through the car window and lying prostrate on my dashboard
TG: and then i dunno
EB: wait, is this the same guy who fried your hand yesterday?
TG: yeah
TG: like i said he apologized for that but he bumps into me a lot
EB: i'd hate to sound like rose here, but maybe he... i dunno maybe he digs you?
TG: heh i havent told rose about it for exactly that reason
TG: shit dude i know you wouldnt but
TG: ftr this stays here ok
EB: yeah bro of course.
TG: he stayed there for a really long time
TG: still talkin like nothing was going on
TG: with his hand on my ass like it belonged there
TG: i thought someone was gonna come in or something but idk i didnt want to tell him to take it away as thatd involve acknowledging that he had his HAND on my ASS
EB: wow
EB: um, maybe you should talk to your boss about this.
EB: sounds like sexual harassment to me.
TG: idk dude hes really socially inept and just genuinely terrible at everything
TG: maybe he just
TG: doesnt know that youre not meant to put your hand on your workmates ass without asking
EB: that... seems like a terrible excuse, dave.
EB: socially inept or not, what he did is definitely not okay.
TG: look im fine
TG: its not hurting anyone right
TG: maybe my ass is just more powerful than i previously imagined
EB: dave
EB: are you really fine?
EB: you seemed really confused about this, which i guess is natural.
EB: but like, some guy at your work touched you inappropriately.
EB: do you really think that isn't hurting anyone?
EB: oh my gosh dad this is a really bad time...
EB: dave please say something.
TG: yeah im
TG: yeah i guess its probably pretty weird huh
EB: subtract the probably and pretty and add extremely to and from that sentence and you have the truth.
TG: fuck you egbert im only just getting over how much trouble math causes me with my sylladex without you putting it into sentences and junk
TG: ok yeah lets put all our cards on the table
TG: it freaked me the fuck out
TG: he freaks me out
TG: hes weird and he breathes on me
EB: well he molested you so yeah i think he should freak you out.
EB: i'm serious dave, you need to talk to your boss about this, if not your bro.
EB: goddamnit okay my dad is getting angry, i need to go down for dinner!
EB: i'll be right back i swear.
TG: i dunno
TG: i mean id feel like shit if he got fired cause of
TG: ugh nevermind this is dumb
TG: yeah sok i need to get dinner too
EB: dave, this guy is sexually harassing you, why would you feel bad about him getting fired?
EB: i mean, the ass-grab, the burned hand, what more do you need?
TG: sup im here with my cup ramen like a boss
TG: hey he didnt mean to burn my hand
TG: i dunno i just
TG: idk i dont want to make waves
TG: accusing a guy of harrassing you is one thing
TG: accusing a guy of harrassing another guy is another
TG: this is texas after all
EB: goddamnit.
EB: can't you at least kick his ass and make him stop?
EB: i don't...
TG: you dont
EB: nothing.
EB: it just makes me angry
EB: to think of you being in this kind of situation.
EB: i mean, at least with me the assholes will end up in juvy.
EB: but you can't even say anything about it.
TG: yeah its a sticky situation
TG: tell you what ill mention to him tomorrow that i wasnt exactly enjoying the proprietary hand-over-buttocks gig
TG: and if he carries on after that ill either kick his ass or tell my boss
TG: i mean shit think what itll do to the average retail price of my ass if i just let any random schmuck cop a feel
EB: hehe.
EB: okay i guess that makes me feel better.
EB: just
EB: don't let him touch you again, okay?
TG: next hand to touch that ass is gonna be attached to someone who has permission
TG: scouts honor
EB: good.
EB: are you
EB: well, are you gonna tell your bro about this?
TG: fuck
TG: no
TG: no way
EB: why not? i mean i guess i can think of a couple reasons, but...
TG: it was weird enough telling you
TG: bro is great for a lot of things but
TG: yeah
EB: but you didn't do anything wrong!
EB: you know you don't have to be weirded out telling me things, right?
EB: i mean, it is me.
EB: i would never judge you for anything, especially shit that is out of your control!
TG: no i know
TG: i just
TG: yeah nevermind
TG: it was out of my control i guess but still all the same i didnt really want him to be the first one to touch my ass
TG: a striders ass virginity is a pretty big deal
EB: hehe i'm sure.
EB: but really, your ass has never been touched before?
EB: somehow this surprises me.
TG: well sure people have TOUCHED it but violating ass virginity is a bigger deal than that
TG: and not in the way youre thinking god egbert wash your mind out with soap
TG: but yeah in the terms of flirtatious rumpus fondling creeper mcpizzadude was my first
EB: no girlfriends jumped on that?
EB: consider me shocked.
TG: hey lets keep this between us but
TG: i havent dated anyone yet
EB: oh
EB: really?
EB: now i really am surprised.
EB: why not?
EB: with all the girls interested in you you're bound to dig someone...
TG: eh idk
TG: i figure ill know when the right one rolls along
TG: and people egbert
TG: people are interested in me
EB: well, yeah, but i guess if
EB: well if you're straight it only makes sense to comment on the girls?
TG: oh
TG: haha
TG: yeah
TG: definitely yep
TG: although idk recently ive been thinking
TG: i mean if someone were to confess to me and they were a dude but they were like
TG: good looking and shit
TG: and had all the qualities ive liked in a bunch of different girls combined
TG: wouldnt it be kinda lame to dismiss it just cause he was a dude
EB: what
EB: um
EB: what kind of qualities are those?
TG: well i dunno
TG: maybe
TG: when a guy is this cool all the time he gets burned out on cool
TG: maybe the most ironic thing would be to date someone who wasnt cool at all
TG: yeah
TG: i guess i have an ironic thing for nerds
EB: oh
EB: that's, um, hehe that's kind of cute!
TG: yeah but that alone wouldnt cut it
TG: theyd have to be patient i guess
TG: im self aware enough to know i can be a cockend at times and sometimes i need someone to tell me when
EB: haha i guess you can be an ass sometimes.
EB: you've been so nice to me lately, i must have forgotten!
TG: shit ive not been nice lately ive been a tool pretty much nonstop
TG: but yeah theyd also have to be able to put up with bro
TG: i guess i wouldnt mind if they didnt get the irony stuff
EB: what, how have you been a tool!
EB: and haha expecting other people to understand those crazy levels of irony might be a bit much.
EB: not everyone is a master like you and your bro.
TG: well yeah but were striders dude it goes with the territory
TG: and ive been a tool in all the ways lets just move on
TG: but yeah if i met some dude who was patient and on the nerdy side and good looking in a kind of dorkoid way
TG: and he said he was into me
TG: fuck you know where im going with this fill in the blanks
TG: that doesnt make me gay right i mean women are
TG: like
TG: fucking hot
EB: well, there is such a thing as bisexual?
TG: this
TG: is true
EB: so maybe you aren't quite as much of a fine specimen of a heterosexual man-steak maybe?
TG: i am a fine specimen of bi-curious man-steak
TG: fuck anyone who says otherwise theyre liars and blasphemers and ill not have them in my house
EB: haha fair enough.
EB: um, this seems kind of sudden though??
EB: yesterday you were pretty deadpan about the heterosexual man-steak.
EB: is there
EB: some guy you're interested in?
TG: what
TG: no
TG: why would you even think that
TG: has rose talked to you
TG: shes a liar and blasphemer too
EB: no she hasn't!
EB: i'm just
EB: curious
EB: like, you were really serious about the straight thing yesterday.
EB: i mean, you said it a couple of times...
EB: i'm just
EB: wondering is all.
TG: well maybe
TG: i was
TG: thinking about it already
TG: and maybe i wasnt entirely comfortable with it
TG: maybe
TG: shit im falling down all these maybes
EB: would it
EB: well
TG: yeah
EB: would it make you feel better if you knew someone BESIDES creeper mcpizzadude who also kinda had a thing for guys?
TG: huh
TG: someone else???
TG: wait like someone i work with or what
EB: um.
EB: well i guess if that's what would help then sure?
EB: i was sort of thinking of someone a little closer to you...
EB: you know nevermind this is silly.
TG: wait
TG: like
TG: haha this is dumb im shitty as fuck at guessing games
TG: it isnt you is it
EB: it
EB: might be...
TG: shit seriously
TG: but youre the straight one
EB: are you kidding i always thought the same about you!
TG: hell i wouldve suspected harley before you
TG: wait what really
TG: hahaha fuck
TG: this is crazy
EB: you aren't...
EB: i dunno, weirded out?
TG: why would i be weirded out
TG: im fuckin relieved
TG: wait uh i mean
TG: im just glad its not just me dude
EB: um, haha yeah me too!
EB: i guess i
EB: eheh, yeah i am pretty relieved too.
TG: heh
TG: guess its less ironic for a bisexual dude to have a fake boyfriend
TG: or maybe more ironic
TG: yeah actually im bumping this shit up a level in irony
EB: oh
EB: yeah that is pretty ironic...
EB: maybe i should get some irony points for being actually gay but beaten up over a fake boyfriend.
EB: uh, or bi...
TG: welp
TG: blame the lalonde in me but that sounded freudian
TG: egbert im not gonna give a shit if you dont like girls
TG: just for the record
EB: sorry, i guess after what happened
EB: i'm just...
TG: no its understandable
TG: im just yknow
TG: letting you know
EB: thanks, dave.
EB: in that case, well
EB: it's been a couple years now since i've found a girl attractive like that.
TG: thats cool
TG: same kinda
TG: well i mean ive liked a bunch of girls but
TG: eh nevermind
TG: say is there a dude you like just out of interest
EB: um, sorta but i don't think he really thinks of me that way.
EB: but it's no big deal, i'm a little more curious what you mean by you've liked a bunch of girls but not really?
TG: there was always something missing
TG: hey so tell me about your dude
TG: just trying to gauge your tastes here bro
TG: i mean i already know your platonic taste in women is terrible so i guess i just want validation it extends to both genders
EB: haha yeah you're so hilarious dave.
EB: liv tyler is beautiful okay don't deny it.
TG: she looks like a man so yeah maybe
TG: anyway quit dodging
TG: do i know this guy or what
EB: there's just not much to say!
EB: he's cool i guess and likes music and physics and stuff.
EB: but seriously it doesn't matter.
EB: have you seen the new l4d2 campaign on steam?
TG: sounds like the sort of dude id get along with
TG: anyway im sure he probably likes you fine i mean whats not to like about you
TG: as much as i love l4d2 in an ironic sense im more interested in your burgeoning love life
TG: im related to rose i cant help it
EB: sigh, dave i don't even have a love life, do we have to keep talking about this?
EB: i think video games sounds like a great topic right now.
TG: ordinarily id agree
TG: tell you what if you tell me more about your dude ill come clean about how i might have not have told you as much about my own doomed lovelife as i could have
EB: r
EB: really?
TG: yeah
TG: so maybe theres a guy i like
EB: oh
EB: why didn't you just say so?
TG: reasons
TG: but yeah theres a dude i like and hes cute and i want to have sloppy makeouts with him how does that go for embarrassing lovelife gossip
TG: tell me more about your dude now
EB: reasons, he says!
EB: um, well i've liked this guy for like three years actually.
EB: which is really stupid i guess, maybe i should just move on.
EB: but uh, he's really talented and good at school when he tries.
EB: is that enough information? i really would rather not keep talking about this...
TG: three years
TG: shit
TG: sorry im just backlogging and trying to think who youve mentioned
EB: seriously dave it is the most unimportant thing to ever exist.
EB: how interested would you be in spending a day in seattle while you're here??
TG: hey if im gonna be there at your gay wedding in new york of course its important
TG: rosell be over the moon by the way
TG: and dont even think about getting married anywhere else as soon as she finds out youre gay your wedding venue is decided
TG: also that sounds really cool
TG: two bros united against seattle they can make a movie about it
EB: yeah rose will be ecstatic, haha.
EB: are you gonna tell her about your not-quite-so-heterosexual-man-steak thing?
EB: and um, also that band muse is touring again and i sort of bought tickets for us to go.
EB: if you don't like them though i can just sell them i guess.
EB: they're kind of shitty seats actually...
TG: what the british one
TG: werent they on a twilight soundtrack or whatever
TG: ironic justification verified sign me up
TG: plus i want to see how you act at a concert
TG: i bet its adorable
TG: also no i am not telling rose because shell find out on her own
EB: dave shut up i'm not adorable, okay?
EB: and muse is a cool band i figured you'd probably like their style...
EB: despite their disgusting cameo in the twilight movie.
TG: TT: So, you are de-closeted. I threw a miniature party in your honor.
TG: whatd i tell you
EB: what how'd she know? hahaha
TG: spooky mind powers egbert
TG: nah we had a conversation yesterday and i guess she put two and two together when i mentioned i was talking to you
EB: that seems like a pretty big leap, if you ask me.
EB: you talk to me all the time, how could she put two and two together from that...?
TG: shit
TG: never mind
EB: no i'm confused, what...
TG: so that l4d2 campaign
TG: not played it yet how is it
EB: bro you can't use my shitty transitions against me, okay!
TG: look lets
TG: not go into this
EB: why, what's wrong?
TG: bros calling me
EB: dude you've gotta be kidding me.
TG: yeah he ahs the worst timing
TG: *has
TG: fuck uh
TG: maybe we can talk about this tomorrow
TG: if you havent already forgotten about it then because seriously this is so uninteresting
TG: i get off work pretty early so
EB: whatever dave that is the biggest lie.
EB: i actually go back to work tomorrow so i might be a little late.
EB: promise you'll wait up for me?
TG: hey i always do
EB: okay, okay.
EB: well go on, follow up on your lame excuse to leave.
TG: pfft
TG: ok
TG: but before i do that
TG: just wanna tell you that uh
TG: its nice
TG: not having to lie about being completely 100% heterosexual anymore
TG: anyway night john

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

John slumped back in his chair, mouth hanging open. He wanted to pinch himself, somehow convince himself he wasn’t dreaming. He sat there frozen for a few moments before stumbling over himself to get back to his mouse and scroll back up to reread their conversation from the beginning. Pesterchum began flashing, and he tried to ignore it, but after a couple minutes it was too distracting and he finally opened another window.

-– tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TT: So he told you.
TT: This causes no surprise, naturally, though I must admit the satisfaction at having been correct is positively euphoric for me.
TT: Then again, I am sure my own euphoria can be nothing compared to yours.
TT: Certainly this hasn’t failed to escape your attention, but you do recall your conversation with him that involved the admission of his hypothetical homosexual interest in you.
TT: To be honest, I’m quite surprised that he has not picked up on this himself.
TT: It could be that he is as insecure about his feelings as you are.
TT: Perhaps at this point it would be wise to admit your own inclination for penis.
EB: wow rose a little straightforward there don’t you think??
TT: I am merely explaining the situation exactly as it is.
EB: okay i am just a little overwhelmed right now and don’t really know what to think.
EB: and for the record i did tell him i’m gay.
TT: You did?
TT: What did he say?
EB: look can you just
EB: ask him yourself when he gets back from making up lame untrue excuses to get away from me?
TT: Oh, John, don’t take his sorry attempt at escape as something personal against you.
TT: I do not know exactly what your conversation consisted of, but I am sure he was simply flustered and, being Dave Strider, did not know how to respond. In a situation like this, it is only second nature for him to abscond.
EB: i guess.
EB: this is just a lot for me to try to comprehend in one night.
EB: would you mind if i was just alone for a while?
TT: Not at all, John. Take as much time as you need. You can always send me a text message if you require advice or a listening ear.
EB: thanks rose, you’re seriously the best.

-– tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

John set himself as Away on pesterchum before sliding out of his chair to lie on the floor, watching the ceiling with creased eyebrows.

There’s no way. He can’t like me, I’m uncool in every way and he’s way out of my league and what would he ever see in me anyways.

But he said, he said it to you that he had a thing for nerds. Patient nerdy guys who are good-looking in a dorky way.

That’s nice and all except for the part where I’m not even good-looking at all. He’s just so fucking perfect, everything about him is attractive and here I am with my stupid messy hair and huge stupid glasses and gross buck-teeth. And I’m boring and silly and there is nothing he could like about me that would make him want sloppy makeouts. He… he has to be talking about someone else. There’s no way.

John rolled over onto his side and dug his face into his arm. “How could I ever be good enough for him?”

Chapter 4: Waterworks Central

The next day during his lunch break, John pulled out his PDA and chewed thoughtfully on the tuna sandwich his father had packed for him as he found Eric Reading’s number in his contacts list. John’s dad had told Eric that, after everything he’d done for his son, he would very much like to keep in touch, maybe have Eric and his family over for dinner. Eric had been very gracious, and they exchanged business cards, and John had saved the number to his phone, just in case.

He had always believed that the sad story of his sexuality would remain his and Rose’s secret to the grave. Never in a million years did he consider that telling Anna that silly lie would have such real and frightening consequences. A few days ago no one would have questioned his supposedly staunch heterosexuality. Now at least five of his classmates and some random guy he probably never would have met all knew the truth because of a stupid lie.

Dave. Dave also knew. Color rose in John’s cheeks and he half-heartedly frowned at his PDA. It hadn’t been an accident or a fabrication or an exaggeration or even an understatement. It had been the complete and honest truth, and despite how overwhelmed and embarrassed John felt, he knew it could never be any other way. Dave was his best friend, and even if he was still young, even if most people would consider him silly and overly romantic, even if the feeling went unrequited forever, John knew that Dave was the love of his life.

With his heart beating in his throat, John pressed the call button and held the PDA up to his ear. It rang a couple times before Eric picked up.

“Hello, this is Eric in IT, how can I help you?”

“Uh, hi Mr. Reading. This is John. John Egbert?”

“Oh, hey kid. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just… Um, yesterday you said that my dad would want to know.”

“Uh huh?”

“I don’t… I mean, I want to. I just really don’t know what to say to him.” The phone went silent for a couple moments, and John could hear the ambient sound in the background, phones ringing and copy machines and co-workers chatting. He swallowed. “I-I’m sorry, you must be busy. I’ll go—”

“Hold on, kid. It’s not a big deal, I can always spare a couple minutes for you. Now, what’s this? You don’t know what to say?”

John’s head dipped a little and he murmured, “Yeah. I’m just… I’m so afraid that he won’t accept me.”

“Hm, he isn’t one of those crazy right-wingers, is he?”

“No, not at all.”

“Has he ever said anything to you that made you think he had a problem with homosexuality?”

“…No.”

“Well, from what I’ve seen, he’s a very caring guy who loves his son probably more than anything in the world. All I know is that if I were him, I would much rather be able to understand my son to his core than go on most of my life not knowing something so intrinsic to who he is.” John was silent then for several moments before Eric continued. “I have to say, it doesn’t sound like fun trying to hide your boyfriend. Why not put him through the humiliation of the first time meeting the parents?”

John laughed a little at that, but the sound dried up in his throat after a few seconds. “I… have a confession to make,” he said quietly.

“Hm? What’s that?”

John glanced around the break room to make sure he was completely alone. “I don’t… actually have a boyfriend. I told a girl who was flirting with me that I had one so that she’d leave me alone, and she ended up telling those classmates. If… if you hadn’t intervened, I probably never would’ve told anyone it happened.”

Eric was silent for a very long time then. As the seconds passed John began to regret admitting to that, and thought it would be best if he just hung up now, but finally Eric said in a gentle tone, “In that case, I consider it a blessing that I happened to walk back there. I really hate to think of the kind of hurt you’d be feeling if you had to go through all of this alone.”

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and John shut them tightly to fight off the overwhelmingly warm feeling in his chest. “Thanks, Mr. Reading. I… I’m really glad you got there when you did.”

“Of course, kid. Alright, I gotta get back to work, but you call me if you ever need anything. Just try to remember your dad loves you, and his feelings aren’t going to change when you tell him.”

“Okay, thank you. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

“Goodbye, John.”

“Bye.”

--

This time when walking home, John avoided the alleyway. He knew it was silly and superstitious, but the thought of going back there scared him.

When he closed the front door behind him, he took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. He could hear Dad rummaging around in the kitchen.

He loves me. This isn’t going to change anything.

John walked into the kitchen to see Dad frosting a cake while dinner cooked on the stove. “Welcome home, John. How was work today?”

“It was pretty good,” he responded, reaching into the refrigerator to grab something to drink. Dad had bought apple juice today. John tried to fight down a blush as he grabbed it and poured himself a glass. “A bunch of coworkers were doting over me and my dumb black eye. Got some funny stares from customers and stuff. Other than that it was pretty much just the same as usual!”

“Did Dave ever find out what day he’s flying in?”

“Oh, no, he told me last night that he’ll find out today if he’s approved for time off from work. I’ll ask him when I go upstairs and let you know.”

“Thank you.”

Dad turned back to his cake and John quietly sipped at his apple juice, his stomach twisting in knots and sort of making him feel nauseous. Ten minutes of silence passed, Dad roaming around the kitchen preparing for dinner and John sitting and watching, opening his mouth every minute or so to begin to speak and becoming irritated when nothing came out.

A few more minutes of frustration, and Dad finally said, turning around to face John, “Son, is something bothering you? I really like you being in here to keep me company, but usually you’d be upstairs talking to your friends by now.”
John couldn’t meet his gaze. “I…”

Tears welled in his eyes, and blinking only caused them to seep onto his skin. Dad walked over and kneeled in front of him. “John?”

“Dad, I’m… I’m gay.” He let out a wet sob, and as soon as he was properly crying he felt his father’s arms encircle him.

“Why are you crying, son?” John wrapped his arms around his dad and tried to calm himself down.

“I… don’t know. I’m s-sorry.”

“John, you don’t have to apologize for anything.” He pulled away and looked John in the eyes. “Especially for who you love, alright?” John’s eyebrows crinkled and he embraced his father again, burying his face in his shoulder. “I’m so proud of you, son.”

--

-– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: john
TG: you there
EB: yeah.
TG: uh
TG: i got time off work
TG: a lot of time off actually
EB: oh!
EB: that's awesome, how much?
TG: a lifetimes worth
EB: wh
EB: what?
TG: im joining the mass ranks of the unemployed
TG: i quit
EB: you
EB: wh
EB: why??
TG: uh
TG: basically
TG: something happened
TG: and i told my boss about it and he didnt believe me
TG: so i was like fuck this shit and i quit
EB: something happened...again?
TG: well one could say it was a followup to the previous events
TG: act 1: wherein our hero is accosted and repeatedly bumped into by some douchebag
TG: act 2: wherein the douchebag proceeds to assfondle our hero
TG: then in the climactic third act the hero decides fuck this ive had enough of some douchebag touching me
TG: he strides into work in a manner that befits his surname
TG: and he opens his mouth and says
TG: colin
TG: (the douchebags name)
TG: look i really dont dig you laying your hands on various parts of my anatomy
TG: we cool bro
TG: and the hero lifts his hand up to fistbump him and he just looks at him like he doesnt know what the fuck the hero is talking about
TG: fast forward a couple scenes
TG: its time for the heros fifteen minute break
TG: fuckin excellent
TG: the hero goes outside to get some fresh air and then all of a sudden
TG: (dramatic camera pan here)
TG: its douchebag colin
TG: who proceeds to shove the hero up against the wall and grunt some utterly debasing shit about how he can tell im gay and that ive been flaunting myself in front of him for fuck knows how long
TG: and then the douchebag defiles the heros mouth
TG: thankfully the hero isnt a complete piece of shit
TG: he knees him in the groin and goes to tell the manager
TG: the manager calls bullshit
TG: the hero hands in his notice
TG: roll credits
EB: holy shit.
EB: i can't even
EB: fuck
TG: yeah right there
TG: that was my mental process during and after
EB: dave, i'm so fucking sorry that happened to you.
TG: i just feel
TG: idk
TG: slimy
TG: like i took a bath in that ectogoop you liked fuckin around with so much back in the game
TG: except its sunk right through to my skin and i cant get it off no matter how much i bathe
EB: goddamnit.
EB: i don't know if i've ever wanted to hurt someone like this before.
EB: you don't have to answer this
EB: but why do you feel slimy?
EB: i mean, other than he's a major disgusting creep who needs to get punched, or...
TG: yeah its like i got creeper all over me
TG: creeper slime
TG: eugh gross
TG: yeah while he was kissing me he kind of
TG: touched the inside of my thigh
TG: fucking christ i just
EB: dave, you need to tell your bro.
EB: shit like this just cannot slide.
TG: i dont want to
TG: what if
TG: idk
TG: what if bro doesnt get it and he thinks im gay and he kicks me out or
EB: would he really do something like that?
EB: i mean he's an asshole but he still cares about you, right?
TG: he
TG: does
TG: i guess
EB: well i don't understand what there is to get or not get or whatever.
EB: some guy sexually harassed
EB: fuck, he sexually assaulted you, dave.
EB: you can't just let him get away with it.
EB: please talk to your bro.
EB: i can't even describe to you how serious i am.
TG: i
TG: how should i tell him about it
EB: what's wrong with the way you told me?
EB: just tell him something happened at work.
EB: maybe skip on the movie thing.
EB: it was funny at first but...
EB: well, you know what happened.
TG: hes online now i guess i could just
TG: copy paste
TG: hed appreciate the movie thing my bros weird
EB: are you sure you don't want to just tell him in person?
TG: im sure
TG: i mean as soon as i send it hell be in here anyway
TG: might as well put off the weird sunglasses-shielded stare-off for as long as possible
EB: should i go..?
TG: no
TG: stay
TG: just while i tell him
TG: if its ok
EB: of course it's okay
EB: i'll stay up all night if i have to.
TG: i might have to disconnect after i send him the mail but
TG: yeah
TG: heh
TG: i dont deserve you man
EB: i could say the same about you.
EB: i honestly don't know what i'd do without you.
TG: hey man
TG: what are best bros for
TG: except you go above and beyond the call of duty a lot
TG: guess thats what heroes do
EB: i'm not a hero, dave.
EB: i'm just me.
EB: and besides, i don't do anything that you wouldn't do for me.
TG: id do anything for you kid
TG: just putting that out there so you know the terms of this contract
EB: well good because it's mutual and always has been.
TG: john
TG: im really glad were friends
EB: so am i.
EB: like i said i don't know what i'd do without you.
EB: you're seriously the best friend i've ever had.
EB: no one else could ever even compare to you, bro.
TG: funny i could say the exact same to you
TG: im building up to telling bro
TG: i think he knows somethings up though
TG: mainly cause hes using punctuation
EB: uh oh, shit gets serious when bro strider breaks out the periods and apostrophes.
EB: but really though, maybe you should just tell him.
EB: it seems like he might be worried.
TG: yeah
TG: im getting there i promise
TG: when i tell him ill tell you because seriously hes gonna come in here and its gonna be awkward as fuck
TG: so ill disconnect
EB: i understand.
EB: um
EB: before you do
EB: i, uh..
EB: i told my dad tonight
EB: that i'm gay.
EB: i just thought you might like to know...
TG: what
TG: you did
TG: woah
TG: how did it go
EB: it went better than i could have ever expected.
EB: i told him that i was sorry after i said it
EB: and he just said that i had nothing to apologize for
EB: especially for who i love.
EB: and told me he's proud of me.
EB: i was crying the whole time, it was really embarrassing.
TG: your dad is such a nice guy
TG: i mean its fucked up that in this country you have to describe someone who isnt a raging homophobe as 'a nice guy' but you get my meaning
TG: hes legit a nice guy so it still applies
TG: and heh im not gonna judge you for crying
EB: yeah, i really love my dad. i hope i can be as understanding and gentlemanly as he is when i grow up.
EB: and thanks, hehe. 'cause i was really worried you would. :P
TG: youre already halfway there
TG: well get you a top hat or something
TG: top hats are gentlemanly
EB: haha!
EB: i dunno, dave.
EB: i might be a little too dorky to pull off a top hat.
TG: nah youd look cute
TG: maybe reserve it for special occasions
EB: yup, first date = top hat. that is what will happen. no such thing as overdressed.
EB: but anyways don't be silly not even a tophat can make me cute.
TG: youre about on a par with kittens and puppies in baskets
TG: wearing little hats
TG: thats the level of cute were discussing here
EB: i don't know what you're talking about!
TG: pff
TG: if i were there in person right now id be ruffling your hair jsyk
EB: oh, that reminds me!
EB: have you booked your flight yet? because soon you will be able to ruffle my hair whenever you want, hehe!
TG: heh i booked it when i got in from work
TG: matter of days bro
TG: ill forward you the flight details
EB: i can't believe this is actually happening.
EB: i don't even have any cool to begin with, but i'm totally going to lose it when i see you.
TG: well between you and me my cool is at serious risk too
EB: at least i'm not the only one.
TG: heh youre telling me
TG: speaking of cool im sending my bro the movie script thatll make me a millionaire
TG: so ill say goodnight now
EB: okay.
TG: seeing how ill disconnect in a couple anyway
EB: tell me tomorrow how it goes, alright?
TG: i will
TG: seriously john
TG: thanks for everything k
EB: there's no need to thank me, bro.
EB: it's already established that i'll do anything for you.
TG: and the same back
TG: ok
TG: goodnight john
TG: see you tomorrow
EB: yeah
EB: i

John stopped himself when he realized he was about to type "i love you" and accidentally hit enter. His heart pounded in his throat and he did as he always did in situations like this: smooth it over by being completely unsmooth.

EB: haha yeah goodnight dave.

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

John leaned back in his chair, his stomach a mess of nerves and anxiety and butterflies. He highly doubted Bro Strider would react negatively, at least towards Dave; if anything, John thought it was most likely that Bro would just be pissed that anyone would ever put his brother into that sort of position. Or, that could just be hopeful thinking. John didn’t really know.

The thought that Dave’s situation was suddenly so much more serious than John’s own planted itself in his head and refused to shake away. He knew it was silly to compare something like that. And yet, John’s bruises would heal eventually; he had admitted the truth to his father and his best friend, who to him were all that mattered, and he had been unconditionally accepted by both of them. Dave, on the other hand… Well, John could only assume, but being touched like that, made to feel low and dirty in a way that left no mark and had no proof, and indeed had been disregarded as insignificant, a falsity, must cut a lot deeper and do damage that might be irreparable.

His expression darkened when he thought of that douchebag Colin kissing Dave, touching Dave. It made him feel sick to his stomach, and he hated himself to know that, mixed in with anger on behalf of Dave for being treated so horribly and worry that Dave might not be as calm about all of this as his coolkid demeanor might pretend, John felt a horrid, raging jealousy deep in his chest to know that some creep had had his hands and lips on Dave.

Just when he was considering taking some melatonin to calm himself down, pesterchum flashed.

-– gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

GG: john!!!
GG: i heard what happened to you!
GG: im so sorry!! :(
EB: oh.
EB: did rose tell you?
GG: yeah
GG: i really cant believe anyone would ever do something so mean to you! :(:(:(
EB: me either, really.
EB: i’m fine, though! maybe a little bruised up.
GG: you poor thing!! :( so youre going to court soon??
EB: yeah, unfortunately. i really don’t want to, but i guess i’d rather those guys be in juvy than around to beat up other people.
GG: totally!!
GG: that must be a real pain though
GG: are any of them planning on fighting you in court??
EB: as far as i know, no.
EB: i really hope none of them do, that would be so stupid.
GG: seriously!!
GG: what kind of argument could they even come up with???
EB: a really shitty one, that’s for sure!
GG: yeah!! like there could ever be an excuse to beat up poor john
GG: you are the least beat upable person ive ever met!!!
EB: pfft.
GG: rose never did tell me why they beat you up :(
EB: um, well.
EB: haha funny story really!
EB: there was this girl flirting with me, and i don’t like her at all but i didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so dave offered i use him as my fake internet boyfriend.
EB: and she ended up telling these homophobe assholes that we go to school with, and so they cornered me after i got off from work.
GG: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
GG: what assholes!!
GG: if i was there i wouldve beaten all of them up <3
EB: haha, thanks jade.
EB: you know, i’m really sorry i didn’t tell you myself.
EB: i guess i’ve just been distracted the past couple days.
GG: its fine john!
GG: i totally understand <3
GG: but i am kinda wondering now............
GG: do you like dave????
EB: wh
EB: what?
GG: its okay!!
GG: i wont tell anyone
GG: :D
EB: um.
GG: hehehe im sorry im not trying to make you nervous!!
EB: it’s...
EB: it’s fine.
GG: i think it would be really cute if you liked him john
EB: whatever, jade.
EB: anyways, he’s actually coming to visit soon! i’m pretty excited.
GG: ohhhhhhhhhh
GG: thats sooooooooo romantiiiiiiiiiiiiic <3
EB: oh my gosh jade i didn’t even answer your question and you’re making all these weird assumptions!
GG: methinks the john doth protesteth too much!!
GG: hehe did i sound like rose??
EB: haha as much as it’s possible for you to.
GG: weeeeeell?????
GG: im sitting here waiting patiently for an answer!!!!
EB: jeez, jade, you don’t sound patient to me!
EB: why are you so persistent?
GG: because youre my friend!!!
GG: dont you trust me???
EB: sigh, of course i trust you jade.
EB: okay.
EB: you might
EB: possibly be right...
GG: omggggggggggggggg really???????
GG: thats so cute!!!!!!! :D
EB: oh boy...
EB: you can’t say anything to him, okay?
EB: no hinting or anything!
GG: fiiiiiiine :(
GG: its okay though i wasnt going to anyways
GG: i would never do anything to betray your trust john <3
EB: thanks jade.
EB: oh crap i have to go!
EB: i’ll talk to you soon, okay?

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

-– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

EB: dave!
EB: are you okay?
TG: ok im back
TG: woah that was
TG: eerily quick
TG: heh yeah im ok
EB: oh, um...
EB: haha i guess i was worried!
EB: well what happened?
TG: it was hideous
TG: i dont think ive ever been that jumped up and awful in front of my bro ever
TG: i dunno we train pretty hard for our poker faces so the fact i was freaking out made it worse and then suddenly i was just chattering all this bullshit and then he touched my shoulder and it was like flicking the switch to waterworks central
TG: and then he was bro-hugging me with one arm and calling up the pizza place with the other
TG: it was
TG: bizarre
EB: dave
EB: that makes me really happy.
EB: i knew he would be there for you.
EB: did he get ahold of the pizza place?
TG: heh he did
EB: and?
TG: he really flipped his shit at them which was kinda nice
TG: i mean seeing how i didnt really do any shit flipping of my own
TG: in fact i was a goddamn gentleman to those assbags and i have no idea why
TG: shouldve at least pulled some middle fingers and a litany of fuck yous as i slammed the door
EB: well i don't know, when shit like that happens sometimes you just
EB: freeze and don't know how to react.
EB: i mean that's how i felt anyways...
EB: sometimes it's good to have someone who can flip their shit for you.
TG: youre telling me
TG: im pretty sure douchebag colin is getting fired now anyway so thats something
EB: that's good.
EB: he should go to jail if you ask me, but fired is as good a start as any.
TG: look hes just some dick loser with no social tact
TG: maybe thisll permeate the spongy wastebag of his brain and teach him something
TG: im pissed he took my first kiss though doesnt a guys first kiss have magical fairytail properties or some shit
EB: it was
EB: your first kiss?
EB: dave, i'm so sorry.
EB: i just... hate to think of that creep doing those things to you. it makes me so angry.
TG: it made me feel sick yeah
TG: wish i could undo that
TG: i was saving it
EB: oh.
EB: yeah
EB: for that guy you wanna have sloppy makeouts with, right?
TG: bingo
TG: welp im spoiled goods now forever
TG: guess id better learn to deal with it
EB: you aren't spoiled goods, okay?
EB: your second kiss can be just as sparkly and magical as your first should've been, as long as it's with someone you care about.
EB: and i highly doubt your guy would think less of you just because some asshole cheated and got to you first.
TG: thats a good point
TG: yeah i feel a lot better about it now
EB: i'm glad.
EB: you know i really just want you to be happy.
EB: if you're ever feeling down you know you can call me, right?
TG: yeah i know
TG: it means a lot dude
TG: i mean the offers always extended to you too
TG: yknow if you ever needed me
TG: coolkid advice hotline fuck yeah
TG: anyway i think my bro made coffee so i have to go but
TG: thanks for making me tell him
EB: of course, dave.
EB: that's what best bros are for, right?
TG: you got it
EB: alright, well...
EB: i'm glad things went well.
EB: try to get some rest, okay?
TG: heh cant make promises
TG: but ill try
TG: hey you too ok
EB: yeah i guess i am pretty tired, hehe.
EB: goodnight, dave, i'll talk to you tomorrow.
TG: night john
TG: and
TG: yeah
TG: thanks

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

Chapter 5: Washington's Own

Notes:

there is definitely nsfw in this chapter

you've been warned

The phone started ringing as John was getting out of the shower the next morning and John listened to the sound of his father’s voice from downstairs. He was too far away to be able to distinguish his words, however, and John put it out of his mind as he walked into his room and pulled on his polo and khakis.

Before heading downstairs, John turned on his computer to print out the flight information Dave had sent him last night. It didn’t appear he was on pesterchum; John smiled to himself when he thought of Dave sleeping in this late, even if exhaustion wasn’t a particularly pleasant reason. And eight days from now, next Saturday, it wouldn’t have to be imagination anymore. John felt his face flush a little, but his daydreaming was interrupted when he heard Dad call his name, sounding serious and urgent. Eyebrows knitting a little, John rushed downstairs into the kitchen to the sight of his father, hands clutching the back of a chair and expression angry and grim.

“D-Dad? What happened?” He was silent for a long moment, and it seemed like he was having some difficulty maintaining his composure. “Dad…?”

“That was the attorney. Mr. Harlen has convinced Daniel to plead not guilty.”

John’s jaw dropped. “What?”

The silence with which his outburst was met was stifling, and John didn’t think he’d ever seen his dad look so angry.

“They… they can’t do that! How could they possibly put together an argument that would hold up in court?”

Dad sighed and released the chair so that he could walk over to his son. “It’s going to be okay, John. The attorney is going to call me back as soon as she has more information. Just… why don’t you head to work, but let your boss know that we might need to go visit the attorney in person today.”

John put a hand on his dad’s arm, trying to comfort. “I’m so sorry, dad. This must be so stressful for you.” He was simply met with a tired smile.

“Don’t worry, son. I’m a lot tougher than I look.” John couldn’t help but crack a grin at that, just to have Dad wagging a finger in his face. “Now, John, how is that lip ever going to heal if you keep smiling all the time?” He smiled a little wider even despite the pain, partly in defiance and partly because he couldn’t help himself.

“You know I couldn’t quit smiling if I tried!” he retorted. Dad just laughed wearily and patted John on the head.

“Alright, alright. Your lunch is in the fridge. You should get going. I’ll call you later.”

John grabbed the paper bag from the fridge. “Love you, dad,” he said before walking out.

“Love you too, son.”

-

The weather had finally decided to be more summery, and by the time noon struck the temperature in Maple Valley had risen to eighty-four degrees. The bookstore was small and the air conditioning had broken towards the end of the last random heat flash they’d experienced, and somehow had never been fixed. Everything felt stuffy and uncomfortable, and John hated the way sweat made his polo stick to his back, irritating the skin.

Even without the heat, it was impossible to focus at work when the thought of Daniel kept riling him up. Who was that asshole to give him more grief than he already had, or to put his father through so much stress? There was absolutely nothing he could argue. There was physical proof of what he’d done all over John’s face, and there had been a witness.

When Dad’s call finally came, John was more than a little relieved. He was given a ten minute warning before Dad was pulling up in front of the store and John was rushing over to climb into the car, grateful that the air conditioning was running. Dad seemed very solemn and didn’t speak for a long time. John quickly became uncomfortable, and after a minute broke the silence.

“Dad, are you okay? Did something happen?”

“I talked to Eric Reading on the phone this morning.” John blinked and turned his gaze towards the dashboard. “John, why didn’t you tell me that those boys hurt you because of your sexual orientation?”

John didn’t know how to respond. He hadn’t confessed that secret to Eric thinking that it would ever be told to his own father. Fortunately, before his thoughts could become too dark, Dad continued, “Son, you do not have to be ashamed of it. Gosh, I just wish I could have known. We’re going to have to tell the attorney—”

“Dad, no…!”

“We have to, John. She has reason to believe that Mr. Harlen is trying to convince the other boys to join Daniel in pleading not guilty, and their case becomes a lot stronger if all of them are in agreement. We’re going to need to tell the attorney everything so that there are no gaps in your story.” John hid his face in his hands and refused to answer. After a few moments he felt Dad’s hand on his knees, squeezing lightly. “I know this is hard for you, son, but you have to understand that it is important to put those boys into juvenile detention. Otherwise they will be able to continue harassing others, or worse, they’ll never know that what they did was wrong.”

-

The firm was small and Carolyn Jones’ office was cramped and hot, a single fan running next to the window; but she brought them iced tea and tried to make them comfortable.

“How are you feeling, John?” she asked as she sat at her desk, her own face flushed from the heat.

“Fine,” John murmured.

“The bruises haven’t started fading yet, I see.”

“It’ll probably take a while…”

She pursed her lips with a concerned look in her eyes before turning to some files and glancing over them quickly.

“Alright, John, I’m going to need you to tell me exactly what happened the evening of the 30th.”

John glanced at his father before averting his gaze and staring with deliberate interest at his lap. “When I got off work at the bookstore, Daniel Harlen, Chris Garn, Garrett Johnson, and George Morris were standing outside, and I waved at them. A minute later when I was walking in the alleyway behind the store, they all came up behind me and pushed me against the fence. I was surrounded and too scared to move. They punched me a few times, and then Eric Reading showed up and scared them away.”

“John,” Dad said in a warning tone. “You have to tell her the whole story.”

Carolyn seemed to perk up a little and she tilted her head. “John?”

John’s hands were sweaty, but they clenched into fists almost without his consent, and his head dipped further. “I…” Dad placed a hand on his shoulder. John didn’t move. “The reason they cornered me… is because there was a girl who had been flirting with me for a while. And I wasn’t interested in her at all, but I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings. So I told her that I have a… that I have a boyfriend. And she ended up telling those boys.”

The silence with which his explanation was met was difficult to bear, and John wanted to get up and leave. But when he looked up, Carolyn was staring at him, her expression very focused, almost to the point that she wasn’t even seeing him.

“What do you think, Carolyn?” Dad asked.

“John, are you actually gay?” she asked, never taking her eyes off of him. He had to look away.

“Yes…”

Carolyn stood and walked around her desk to kneel next to John. This time when their eyes met she held his there as if by sheer willpower. “I have been waiting for this case my entire career, John. But if this is going to work…” Finally she looked down and shook her head a little, a distracted, almost dreamy smile on her face. “We’ll have to do this quickly.”

“Do what, Carolyn?” Dad interjected. She got to her feet and gave Dad a satisfied smiled before looking at John again.

“John, I want you to be Washington’s figurehead of queer justice.”

-

-– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: sup bro
TG: sorry for that completely uncool display of emotion last night
EB: um
EB: oh, yeah.
EB: no, dave you have no reason to be sorry.
TG: ugh i woke up and just felt like an entire shed of tools so
TG: yeah thought id better cover my bases by apologizing for it
EB: why would you feel like a tool?
EB: you have every right to be upset.
EB: i'm...
EB: i'm glad you could open up to me like that.
TG: heh youre the only person i can open up to like that
TG: well the only one i can open up to without pep talks and a copy of sarcasm for dummies
EB: haha, good job bro strider.
EB: or rose.
EB: could be either one now that i think about it, hehe.
TG: heh its both
TG: bro for the former and lalonde for the latter
TG: speaking of lalonde i was thinking about telling her about colin mcdouche but idk
TG: for the time being i dont really want to talk about it
EB: well rose may be weird about that tentacle therapy stuff, but she still cares about you.
EB: but obviously just do whatever makes you comfortable.
EB: i'm not going to say anything.
TG: good advice best friend
TG: eh i probably will tell her
TG: just not today
TG: anyway speaking of today howre you
EB: uh
EB: haha
EB: i don't know what i am right now.
TG: well
TG: that set off the cacophony of alarm sirens
TG: thats bro slang for tell me whats up
EB: um, well...
EB: first of all, one of the guys who beat me up has decided to plead not guilty.
EB: that's fucking great.
TG: cocksucking shitbag
TG: ok im gonna tattoo the imprints of my knuckles into his ballsack
TG: but you said first of all
TG: so im guessing theres more
EB: uh haha yeah.
EB: second of all, my attorney has some information that leads us to believe the guy who's gonna plead not guilty is planning on convincing his friends to do the same.
TG: fucking
TG: ill kick his ass
EB: that would be much appreciated.
TG: you said you got an attorney though
TG: so thats something right
TG: does he think youve got a chance against these fuckends in court or what
EB: my attorney's a girl.
EB: but, um.
TG: *she
TG: that um doesnt sound too good
EB: well
EB: the guy who saved my ass... he's the one who told me i should come out to my dad.
EB: and when i was talking to him, i told him what exactly had happened and how it was all a stupid mistake, and how if he hadn't walked back there i probably wouldn't have told anyone what happened.
EB: but after the attorney called this morning to tell us the fucking amazing news, i guess my dad called that guy, and he told my dad why those guys beat me up in the first place.
TG: shit
TG: so your dad knows that this was a gay bashing
TG: well this is just perfect on every fucking level
EB: yeah...
EB: and he made me tell the attorney the whole story, since we actually have to put together an argument now for the case next week.
TG: john thats awful
EB: well, this is where it gets weird.
EB: she wants me to be all over the media as a, shit what did she call me?
EB: figurehead for queer justice or something.
EB: and i get that gay bullying needs more attention, but...
EB: i'm so scared, dave.
EB: i don't know if this is what i want.
TG: honestly im not either
TG: look uh this activism for gay rights is great and all but im not sure its gonna be too great for you
TG: i mean its gonna put you right in the line of fire for more fuckrags like the ones that beat you up
EB: yeah, that's what i was thinking.
EB: not to mention, i mean
EB: it took me this long to be comfortable enough to open up to you, much less my dad.
EB: and now all of a sudden she wants the entire world to know?
EB: i just don't know if i can handle that.
TG: yeah bro this stuff is hard to just blurt out into the great open
TG: basically
TG: i think you should think about it and figure out how comfortable you are with doing it
TG: and if its anything less than 100 percent then dont bother
EB: you're right.
EB: i don't know, just thinking about it makes me feel kinda sick.
EB: but then i'm also thinking about all the other people who get beat up even worse than i did
EB: and the ones who get called awful things every single day
EB: and no one ever does anything for them
EB: and i just...
EB: fuck, i don't know what to do.
TG: hey
TG: if you go through with it
TG: ask your attorney chick if shes interested in networking
TG: if you wanna go through with sticking your neck out and i cant be there to save your ass then i may as well help out your effort right
EB: wh
EB: what?
TG: i mean i know the media likes to think bisexuals dont exist but
TG: fact is if i got caught making out with a dude id still get beaten up for it right
TG: that is a joke because no one beats up dave strider
TG: still the sentiments the same
TG: just
TG: yeah
TG: if i could help by putting my own ass on the line for this project with you then id be cool with it
TG: you tell your attorney chick that k
EB: dave...
EB: i
EB: shit, yes i will talk to her.
EB: in fact, you can meet her when you get here next week if you want
TG: heh sure
EB: dave, if i go through with this...
EB: i mean, she says she wants the media to be covering me.
EB: if i'm with you all the time when you're here, people might
EB: i dunno, get the wrong idea...
TG: and then they will be totally jealous
TG: youre a sweet kid looking out for the feelings of the public like that egbert
TG: no but seriously i dont really give a shit unless it bothers you
TG: wait it totally bothers you doesnt it
EB: no!
EB: um
EB: no, i mean, why would it bother me?
EB: we're already brofriends for life, right?
TG: true that
TG: and fake boyfriends on top of that
TG: shit dude if we lived in some made up country like canada or england wed have a civil union by now
EB: pretty much!
EB: haha
EB: but anyways, how are you? i've been really worrying about you.
TG: oh ive been
TG: well lets not lie ive been better
TG: generally ok though
EB: i really...
EB: well, is there anything i can do?
TG: i think its out of our hands for the time being
TG: bro kind of took over this operation
EB: haha, really, what's he doing?
TG: well he called a bunch of people up
TG: got colins number
TG: called HIM up
EB: oh boy.
TG: yeah
TG: he was trying to keep the conversation quiet but eventually he was shouting and i could hear some of the other side of the convo too
TG: didnt sound too good
TG: sounded like colin was trying to convince bro i wanted it which is just the biggest crock of shit i ever heard
TG: thankfully bro thought the same and threatened to break his legs if he ever came near me again
EB: wow, colin has to be the biggest douchebag ever.
EB: but props to your bro, chances are he wasn't exaggerating at all.
TG: yeah heh hes pretty fuckin terrifying when you piss him off
TG: but yeah i started looking for another job
EB: i believe you.
EB: any luck so far?
EB: won't it be hard to find one if you're going to be here for a week and a half?
TG: yeah but you can scout out a sense for what places are hiring and shit
TG: whose gonna be leaving their posts open
TG: chance would be a fine thing in this fuckin economy
TG: i shouldve just gritted my teeth and stuck it out and then told bro about it
TG: least then i couldve kept my shitty job
EB: i don't want you working for them.
EB: i mean
EB: they didn't believe you when something that awful happened to you.
TG: true
TG: my boss went down a couple hundred points in my estimation
EB: more like your boss shouldn't be a boss if they can't even listen to their employees.
TG: that too
TG: i dunno lately it just kinda feels like im fucking everything up
EB: what?
TG: losing my job and getting touched up by random creepers and also failing to get anywhere with this dude i have a massive fucking crush on
TG: id write about it on fml or something but i really cant summon the effort to type about how much im managing to screw up
TG: besides itd probably surpass the character limit
EB: dave, i don't understand.
EB: everything that happened to you was not your fault at all.
EB: it had nothing to do with you fucking up, bad things just kept happening.
EB: and as for your crush...
EB: well, i don't know, i'm obviously the polar opposite of an expert, but maybe i can help you?
TG: seeing how the only common factor for all these massive failures is me id have to contest you on that point but whatever
TG: and i dunno if you can but
TG: hell im open to suggestions
TG: ok agony aunt egbert what advice do you have
EB: okay well first of all another common factor was your job so that is fail logic.
EB: and i don't really know, what are his interests?
EB: you never did tell me much about him besides that you want sloppy makeouts and he's cute.
TG: fuck your logic in the ass i can wallow in my misery if i want to
TG: and uh
TG: idk if i tell you his interests you might figure shit out i dont necessarily want you to
EB: what is that supposed to mean?
TG: nothing
TG: ok he likes movies
EB: well shit easiest advice ever, why not ask him out to go see a movie or something?
TG: uh
TG: you think thatll work
EB: dave please. if a guy as cool as you walked up to me and was all like "i wanna take you out to watch movies" i'd totally be unable to resist!
EB: does he like awesome movies like con air??
TG: thats an
TG: interesting comparative image right there
TG: and he likes movies like con air yes
TG: i see your fingers slipped on the keyboard and accidentally called con air something other than a piece of shit again
EB: alright i see he has good taste!
EB: shut up dave! con air is the best movie ever made!
TG: it is the best movie at making nic cage looking like hes never seen a stylist in his
TG: ok
TG: let me just cut that sentence off before it gets any gayer
EB: nic cage is manly and cool, i don't even know what you're talking about.
TG: why are we even talking about nic cage
TG: look
TG: do you seriously think asking him out to a movie will be good enough
EB: well i don't know, i mean i don't know him very well.
EB: what kind of guy is he?
TG: hes kinda dorky
EB: haha well you did say you had a thing for dorks.
TG: its a curse
TG: my achilles heel
EB: i guess that's why we're friends, pfft.
EB: but what else?
EB: i mean he's a dork but what's he LIKE?
TG: ok
TG: hes really kind
TG: and genuine in a way i have to try really fucking hard to be nowadays
TG: and hes sensitive and i think sometimes the world cuts him deeper than it does ordinary people
TG: mainly because the world fucking sucks but we established that already
TG: and he likes joking around and shit
TG: hes got a good sense of humor
EB: haha, well he sounds like a great guy.
EB: it seems like you're really into him.
TG: pretty much
TG: i am the teenage girl to his justin bieber
TG: with all the hideous displays of emotion that would imply
TG: not that anyonell ever see because i wear shades all the time
TG: so you think movies are the way to go huh
EB: um, well if you're serious maybe you should do something a little more... i dunno, serious?
EB: how much does he like you?
TG: i have no fucking clue
EB: really?
EB: that's kinda surprising.
TG: hes one of the few people immune to my strider mind psyches
EB: wow, this guy must be pretty damn special.
TG: thats one word for him yeah
EB: but come on dave, it's YOU. you can't gauge at all?
TG: im not dumb enough to think i dont matter to him at all
TG: i guess theres a chance
TG: that maybe he might like me
TG: kind of
EB: haha only kind of?
EB: i bet you're just being modest.
TG: idk
EB: well, on the one hand i don't want you to do something too romantic and scare him.
EB: which i doubt would even happen, i bet he likes you more than you're giving yourself credit.
EB: but then, i don't know, i would hate to think of you in a relationship where your feelings are a lot stronger.
EB: that would be horrible.
TG: that would suck pretty hard
TG: maybe the movie thing is easier huh
TG: i mean a dude could turn that shit down no problem
EB: yeah i guess so.
EB: make sure he understands it's a date, though!
EB: a lot of people go to movies as just friends.
TG: yeah thats true
TG: i guess it kind of loses its impact when youve already done it a hundred or more times before
TG: and all the films have been shitty without fail
TG: but
TG: what the fuck
TG: here goes
TG: fuck
TG: ok
EB: what...?
TG: john
TG: want to go catch a film or something sometime
TG: nbd
EB: i
EB: wha
EB: dave, are you saying what i think you're saying?
TG: if you think im saying that i want to go on a creepy date with you then yes we are on the same page
TG: shit this is so lame i am embarrassed enough for both of us
EB: no i
EB: holy shit
EB: is this
EB: actually happening
TG: im sorry
TG: shit haha i dont think i could have made a worse job of that if id tried
EB: no, no
EB: fuck, i
EB: dave i'm just surprised, i never thought you'd ever
EB: shit of course i want to go catch a movie sometime.
EB: i
EB: really want to.
TG: youre serious
TG: really
EB: dave, i don't think i've ever been more serious.
TG: i remember you saying something about liking some dude for three years though i mean i dont want to
TG: wait
TG: shit
EB: uh
EB: oh gosh...
EB: i, um...
EB: yeah, when i said i was serious...
TG: fucking christ
TG: i cant actually take how ironic our bromance has been up until this point
TG: like it is actually physically painful
TG: level 9 irony at least
EB: you aren't
EB: weirded out?
TG: no
TG: im actually
TG: just really fucking upset we didnt get this shit out in the open sooner
EB: i'm sorry.
EB: i just never thought you would ever feel that way.
EB: wait, you want to have
EB: sloppy makeouts with me?
TG: uh
TG: oh god please tell me you arent looking through the logs for all the embarrassing dorky shit i said about you
EB: i...might be.
EB: hehe
EB: for the record, i um
EB: well, i really want to have sloppy makeout with you too.
TG: that
TG: sounds like something that could most definitely be arranged
EB: damn, on the downside this makes waiting for you to get here that much more difficult.
EB: oh, dad's calling for dinner.
EB: will you still be here when i get back?
TG: BRO WANTED TO SPAR SO I MIGHT BE AWAY
TG: fuck
TG: ok hes in here
TG: no im not.
EB: oh
TG: fuck
EB: uh, hehe, hi mr. strider...
TG: sup egbert.
EB: um, nothing at all!
TG: yeah we were being perfect civil gentlemen til your ugly face showed up
TG: ok he left but he made the stupidest over exaggerated eyebrow raise before leaving
EB: do you think he knows?
TG: definitely
TG: considering how good i am at hiding my emotions it really doesnt seem to count for shit when it comes to him and rose
EB: oh my gosh, does he...
EB: well, does he mind?
TG: i
TG: i dont actually think he does
EB: maybe you should talk to him about it?
EB: goddamnit dad's calling...
EB: please try to be here!
EB: i
EB: um, hehe, this is so weird
EB: i love you.

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

John jumped away from the computer, elated and frightened and more than a little embarrassed that he’d actually said it and—

“Son, I’m going to eat your share too if you don’t get down here!” he heard his dad yell. He shook his head, trying to get ahold of himself before running down to the kitchen. Dad was sitting at the table, polite as ever, not even having started his own plate. The weather had yet to cool down any, so Dad had made a light meal, chop-chop salad. Their small fan was rotating on the open window sill.

“Gosh, dad, you didn’t have to wait for me,” John said sheepishly, dipping his head as he snuck into his seat.

“Sure I did. Good manners don’t take a rest even under stress, son.” Dad gave him a small smile, and they both picked up their forks and began eating.

Typically dinner conversation was full of the day’s events, funny stories, school, friends, video games; hell, Dad Egbert could usually even coax John into discussing world events. But this evening, as the past few had been, was mostly silent. It could be that with everything going on, small talk seemed even more trivial than usual, and after a day filled with the drama of police meetings and court proceedings and hyper-focused attorneys, maybe the silence was somewhat cathartic.

However, as usual, John’s mind was completely filled with thoughts of Dave. John simply could not fathom everything that had happened today. Dave had a crush on him, wanted to take him out to see a shitty movie and kiss him. And if that wasn’t enough, the way he had described John; as dorky, of course, but also as cute, and kind, and genuine, and sensitive… His heartbeat was fluttering against his ribcage, and he tried to calm himself down. But his mind simply led back to the beginning of their conversation, when Dave had said that, if John was serious about the whole queer justice effort, he would put his own ass on the line and do what he could for the project all the way in Texas. When John thought about how much worse things were for the queer community in the south, and that Dave had completely ignored that just so that he could support John… That was more than a crush; that was legitimate devotion. John felt tears well in the corners of his eyes.

“Dad?”

Dad looked up from his plate and regarded John. “What is it, son?”

“I’ve been thinking about what Carolyn said. How victims of gay bullying need someone to look to, since no one is actively fighting for them or anything. And I… I just hate to think of all the people who have to deal with that sort of thing every single day…”

Dad stared at him for a long moment. “John, you know I’ll support you in whatever you choose.”

John met his gaze, his own expression determined. “I wanna do it. I’ll be the figurehead of queer justice.”

This was met with a small laugh, and Dad gave him a loving look. “Are you sure, son? You barely like seeing yourself on home videos, and if you go with Carolyn’s plan, the expectation is that you’ll be approached by as many news reporters as possible.” John’s expression began to soften, and Dad smiled. “No one is going to be disappointed in you if you don’t want to put yourself through that.”

John was silent for several moments then, but the determination came back to his eyes as he reached his resolve. “No. I’m definitely scared, and the thought of all of that attention makes me feel sick, but I have something to fight for. I want to be courageous again.”

Dad seemed to be following, but his expression became confused. “Again?” he asked. John blushed immediately and averted his gaze.

“Oh, nothing. I’m, um, done with dinner. May I be excused?”

“Sure, son. I’ll call Carolyn and let her know, alright?”

“Thanks, dad.”

John ran back up to his room, a little shaken up. It had been a long time since he’d accidentally referred to sburb in front of his father. He hated the look of confusion with which he was always met, hated that no one knew it had been him and his three friends to save the world, hated that no one would ever know of that strange planet somewhere out there, outside their galaxy, where the trolls of Alternia thrived.

Somehow his room seemed even hotter than the rest of the house, and he plopped down in front of his computer to see if Dave was still there and felt a rush in his chest at what he saw.

TG: i love you too

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

Dave had left this final message before logging off, probably to have an epic battle with Bro Strider and possibly talk about the new turn of events in his love life.

He had been hyped up enough before, and the addition of those four simple words sent John into a frustrated frenzy. He tried to focus on his summer reading assignment and read the same paragraph five times before deciding he might as well give up. It was too hot to focus on anything, and he threw his clothes and blankets on the floor and lied naked in his bed, staring at his ceiling and listening to the sounds of evening coming in from his open window.

Slowly, John’s hands began to move over his torso, stopping to brush fingers lightly over the bruise Daniel had left
when he’d punched him in the stomach. The skin there was strange and soft, and he pressed on it gently to feel the sharp ache before moving lower. John wondered what Dave would let him do when he finally arrived. He wanted to hold his hand, fingers intertwined, when they sat together watching Con Air. He wanted to take him to the top of the Space Needle and touch his face softly, the Seattle skyline merely a background image to Dave’s expression as John leaned in to kiss him. He wanted to drift off to sleep with Dave’s arms around him, rubbing comforting circles lightly on his back, and he secretly wanted it to keep Dave wide awake with the same kind of frustration John was feeling right now.

Fingers fluttered over the arousal that was probably more cause for distraction than the summer heat, and he released a contented sigh, wondering vaguely if Dave thought of him when jerking off. Then again, John didn’t know quite how long ago his best bro had realized his feelings were a little deeper than the bro code likely allowed; Dave always had seemed a lot more sexually aware, but for all John knew Dave might find this creepy as fuck.

For the sake of keeping his fantasy going, John assumed that Dave would be chill as always. Or maybe chill wasn’t the right word, because John really wanted to test that coolkid poker face, wanted to make Dave want him so badly that all of his training wouldn’t be enough to hide it. He licked his palm, wrapping his hand around himself and starting off at a slow pace. Maybe he would reach for Dave’s sunglasses, and when he inevitably jumped up to stop John from removing them, John would take Dave’s hand and kiss his fingertips, lick the index finger slowly before pulling it into his mouth and sucking gently, eliciting soft moans and sighs from the coolkid.

His breath hitched and his free hand moved up to his mouth to muffle a gasp, knuckles pressing against his lips as the thumb of his other hand brushed against the slit, then pressed against it firmly. Dave wouldn’t be able to help himself allowing John to remove his sunglasses with a display like that in front of him, and when their eyes met, John would not look away, even as he began undoing Dave’s jeans, even as he leaned in to kiss Dave’s open mouth.

Swirls of heat coiled in John’s stomach, and as if the temperature in the room wasn’t already hot enough, he felt his cheeks burning, his skin flushed pink, and he panted a few times before biting his hand, eyebrows creased. Dave would get fed up then, grabbing the hem of John’s shirt and pulling it over his head before bruising his lips in an urgent kiss, his own hands roaming to John’s shorts and making quick work of them. Maybe he would break the kiss, lips roaming to John’s neck, his chest, his stomach, and finally the underside of his erection, grazing it before the pressure became firmer, tongue sticking out to taste, and—

John released a small cry when he spilled over into his hand, hadn’t even noticed that he was close. His heartbeat was still racing, but the sweat was already starting to cool as much as was possible, and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Maybe it had been a little too long since he’d done that.

A smile played on his lips and he turned onto his side, wiping his hand on the sheet and curling up. It felt a lot better to know that the things he imagined might not be completely out of the question, at least eventually.

Chapter 6: It Was Bizarre

Notes:

this aside was written entirely by vector!

-- marionAttitude [MA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

MA: too slow
MA: i can tell you want to talk about something what is it
TG: hey bro i
TG: fuck
TG: maybe i was just checking your pesterchum reflexes
TG: what now
MA: theyre lightning fast as always lil bro
MA: now cut the bullshit
TG: but i thought you loved bullshit
MA: dave
TG: just fuckin with you haha ok
TG: say a dude had something he wanted to get off his chest
TG: maybe even to his permanent parental substitute
MA: uh.
TG: hey were still dealing in the realms of the hypothetical
MA: sure we are.
TG: would a hilarious cinematic reimagining of the events be a passable way to communicate
TG: seeing how were not blunt and straightforward about anything in this house ever
MA: so it's about you.
MA: could've spun that out another few lines or so.
TG: yeah shut up
MA: anyway that depends on how hilarious the reimagining of events was.
MA: whatever just throw this news my way.

MA: dave. post it already.
TG: ok jegus copy-pasting
TG: act 1: wherein our hero is accosted and repeatedly bumped into by some douchebag
TG: act 2: wherein the douchebag proceeds to assfondle our hero
TG: then in the climactic third act the hero decides fuck this ive had enough of some douchebag touching me
TG: he strides into work in a manner that befits his surname
TG: and he opens his mouth and says
TG: colin
TG: (the douchebags name)
TG: look i really dont dig you laying your hands on various parts of my anatomy
TG: we cool bro
TG: and the hero lift his hand up to fistbump him and he just looks at him like he doesnt know what the fuck the hero is talking about
TG: fast forward a couple scenes
TG: its time for the heros fifteen minute break
TG: fuckin excellent
TG: the hero goes outside to get some fresh air and then all of a sudden
TG: (dramatic camera pan here)
TG: its douchebag colin
TG: who proceeds to shove the hero up against the wall and grunt some utterly debasing shit about how he can tell im gay and that ive been flaunting myself in front of him for fuck knows how long
TG: and then the douchebag defiles the heros mouth
TG: thankfully the hero isnt a complete piece of shit
TG: he knees him in the groin and goes to tell the manager
TG: the manager calls bullshit
TG: the hero hands in his notice
TG: roll credits

-- marionAttitude [MA] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

Dave swivelled his chair around, completely unsurprised by his elder brother already standing there. The muscle of his stomach was a hard, tight knot, and it only clenched tighter when Bro took a step towards him.

'A guy at work?'

All of the spit in his mouth had just up and left. Dave swallowed, trying to get enough of a handle on the English language to at least hack a reply out, who gave a shit if it didn't pass Bro's ironic standards of quality? Better to disgrace himself with an out-dated reference than to just let this accusatory silence get any thicker.

'Yeah.'

Tragic.

'And he touched you?'

'Yeah.'

The silence grew thicker. Dave supposed that this was ordinarily the stage where people spoke with their faces - but of course, you didn't do that in the Strider household. What was on show of Bro Strider's face was passive and completely unreadable. Maybe Dave looked like that too. In fact, he definitely did. He'd trained himself too hard to let the facade slip, even while undergoing an internal emotional breakdown such as this one.

'Internal emotional breakdown'? Jeez, were they having a sale on hyperbolic turns of phrase today?

'Hey, it's not a big deal or anything,' he found himself saying. 'Who gives a shit, right? I mean, if I'm such a hot piece of ass that people can't keep their hands off the merchandise, that's one thing. Who can blame 'em? Fuck, the only real mystery here is why it didn't happen sooner-'

'Dave.' Bro took another step forward.

'And expecting you to give a shit! You'd think a kid would learn what counts as worth telling his older brother. What a fucking miserable mind-set, thinking that my elder brother would take any action over me getting molest-'

'Dave, cut that shit out,' Bro cut in sharply, close enough now to rest his hand gingerly over his younger brother's shoulder. 'I-'

'Fuck,' Dave said, and then lowered his head instinctively as his eyes grew hot and his lips threatened to waver. If he was going to fall to pieces this spectacularly - shit, the tears were already falling thick and fast - he was at least going to have the decency to keep his goddamn face hidden.

What a let-down this was for everyone involved.

And then.

And then -

Wait, no. That couldn't be right. There was fabric against his face. Polo shirt fabric, just like the crappy stuff Bro bought in economy packs. And there was an arm around him. The feeling of contact on this level was so inexcusably alien that it took Dave a second to fully register it.

He raised his face, still uncomfortably aware of the steady streams still trailing from beneath his shades. Bro's free hand was clutching his cell-phone to his face.

'Who the hell am I even talking to?' He was angry. 'Kid, I don't give a shit about proper channels for customer complaints. Put me on the phone to your manager or I'll show up in person.'

Dave buried his face into Bro's front and let his words blur together, become incoherent. Just because he was feeling overwhelmingly relieved and possibly even moved (not that he would ever admit it), it wasn't any excuse to keep his tear-soaked face up in the open where any douchebag could see.

Striders had images to maintain, after all.

Chapter 7: So Goddamn Brave

The press was already waiting outside the law firm where Carolyn held her practice when John and his father arrived the next morning. The reporters swarmed the sidewalk where Dad pulled up to park, and were holding microphones and cameras in their faces as they slammed their doors shut. John paled and he tried to not look any of them in the eyes, suddenly very embarrassed about the bruises on his face and split lip.

“John, is it true that the boys who attacked you are planning to fight the charges in court?”

“Mr. Egbert, what was your reaction to finding out your son has become a victim of gay bashing?”

Carolyn stepped through the crowd and stood between the reporters and their prey, firmly stating, “John Egbert and his father are not answering questions at this time. There will be an official press meeting tomorrow afternoon. Thank you.” This naturally did not stop the reporters from taking pictures and asking questions, but Carolyn merely pushed John and Dad ahead, guiding them to the firm’s door.

As soon as her office door was closed behind her, John couldn’t help but notice her quick, self-satisfied smile, and it didn’t particularly help ease his nausea. A moment later and her expression became professionally serious, and she sat behind her desk facing her clients.

“Alright, I have informed all of the local news stations, as well as various journalists who work to raise awareness for issues in the queer community. I’m also working with Komo 4 News to cover the trial next week. John, you have three interviews scheduled for today, one at noon with a reporter from Voice of the Valley newspaper, three o’clock with the Seattle Times, and 4:15 with The Stranger. I have all of the addresses written down for you right here.” She handed Dad a slip of paper. “The most important thing to remember with these interviews is to answer all of their questions honestly. If you feel a question is stepping the boundaries of your privacy or comfort, it is perfectly fine to tell them you have no comment. Do you understand?”

John didn’t respond at first, thinking if he opened his mouth he might throw up, but finally resolved to nod his head.
“And Mr. Egbert, the same rules apply to you. At any instance of a reporter asking a question that you feel uncomfortable answering, just say no comment. Do be completely honest with your answers, however.”

“Yes,” he said quietly.

“Good. Most importantly, while I want you to answer questions honestly, we have to make sure that you stick to the same story each time. If you receive a similar question multiple times from different sources, I need to make sure you answer it the same way.”

“Is it alright for John to mention the names of the boys who attacked him?” Dad asked. Carolyn smiled.

“I would prefer that he did. There’s no use making this a big issue in the media if the perpetrators remain anonymous.”

Dad’s hand rested on John’s knee and squeezed comfortingly. John swallowed heavily and tried to keep himself from shaking.

“Okay, John,” Carolyn said. “Let’s get to work on your story.”

-

-– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -–

EB: uh. hi dave!
TG: oh
TG: uh
TG: sup
TG: heh hows life going for you
EB: i don't think i've ever been more exhausted in my life.
EB: sorry in advance if i fall asleep on you.
TG: nah bro its cool
TG: tired over here as well
TG: jobhunting sucks a whole platoon of cocks
TG: i was so exhausted when i came in that bro took one look at me and let me off of sparring practice
EB: shit, that's awful.
EB: and i can't imagine your epic battle last night did much for you today...
EB: did you... talk to him
EB: about things?
TG: heh
TG: actually yeah
TG: psyched myself up for that shit like id been cast as the swan queen
TG: and basically what happened was
TG: i said
TG: bro im gay for john
TG: like legitimately
TG: yes homo
TG: and he just looked up from his shitty website and said im still gonna kick your ass just as hard now go order dinner
TG: wasnt even a big deal
EB: haha!
EB: that
EB: is such a relief.
EB: i haven't told my dad yet, about you and me.
TG: heh really
TG: wow this is exciting
TG: im like your illicit mistress or some shit
EB: shut up, dave!
EB: that sounds ridiculous, pfft.
EB: i want to tell him, everything is just so hectic and i don't want to stress him out even more than he already is.
EB: but i can...
EB: if you want me to i will right now.
TG: i guess itd be
TG: cool with me
TG: i mean i dont want to be responsible for being the final straw that gave the businessman a stress hernia
TG: maybe hed be happy knowing that such a suave figure of manliness is looking out for his son though idk
TG: because of course i am so much use all the way over here in tx
EB: you'll be here soon, though.
EB: what if he doesn't want you to stay here if we're
EB: uh
TG: gimme a sec
TG: are you insinuating
TG: wait
TG: haha he wouldnt think that wed be
TG: i mean not that im averse to that actually the total opposite but
TG: wait what are we talking about
EB: i don't know, what are you talking about!
EB: i just don't know if he'd be comfortable with us sleeping in the same room and stuff if we're
EB: dating...
TG: ok we are thinking about the same thing
TG: as disgustingly enamored of your skinny dork frame as i am
TG: i think i can keep myself under control while im sharing a room with you
TG: your old manll understand
EB: i guess so.
EB: seriously though, dave, i will go downstairs and tell him right now if that's what you want.
TG: itd be nice to have it out in the open
TG: even if it does mean that meeting papa egbert is gonna take on a whole new layer of terrifying
TG: they can make a series of increasingly awful comedy movies about it where ben stiller plays me
EB: hehe, the guy who saved me did say he thought i should put my boyfriend through the horror of first time meeting the parents.
EB: my dad will like you, though. i know he will.
TG: oh believe me its a rite im happy to endure
TG: maybe ill even get cake out of it
TG: or forty
EB: probably forty.
EB: okay, i'm going to tell him, then.
EB: i'll be right back.
TG: ok begin the part where i drum my fingers impatiently against the desk waiting for you to get back
TG: ugh not only are you gay youre in a long distance relationship with some douchebag whose face you havent even properly seen
TG: ignore me im just
TG: unusually pessimistic about the outcome of this
TG: shit i wish you could delete messages
EB: dave, you're so silly.
EB: well, he's asleep.
EB: i guess he's pretty fucking tired after today, i'm really surprised that i haven't fallen asleep yet either.
EB: i
EB: really wanted to talk to you, i guess.
TG: man what an anticlimax
TG: and heh i wanted to talk to you too
TG: howd today go anyway
EB: it was pretty damn awful, i have to say.
EB: there were already a bunch of reporters at 8 in the morning when we got to my attorney's office, just sitting waiting for us.
EB: we spent three and a half hours working on my story and preparing and shit.
EB: i had an interview with a newspaper in maple valley, then we had to drive to seattle where i had two more interviews.
EB: and i know the interviewers weren't trying to scare me, they were all fairly nice.
EB: but it was just really difficult.
EB: i ended up puking between interviews in seattle, it was so embarrassing.
TG: sounds like your schedules gonna be crammed tighter than a bus to an anime convention
TG: eugh what
TG: hey look youre not doing this out of some fucked up sense of duty are you
TG: actually strike that you so are
TG: thats like you summed up
TG: hi im john egbert
TG: whats that you say
TG: if i do something incredibly detrimental to myself it can serve the greater good
TG: shit sign me up right now
EB: gosh, don't be such an asshole.
TG: no can do
TG: baby i was born this way
TG: idk
TG: whatever you choose to do im gonna back you
TG: but
TG: im not so sure i can endorse anything that makes you vomit because youre so shit-scared of fucking it up
EB: i'm not going to stop just because i'm scared.
TG: but what if it hurts you
TG: shit what if it doesnt just hurt you in terms of a few stomach upsets here and there
TG: its starting to seem way more real now that youre doing interviews and shit
EB: that's just a risk i'm going to have to take.
EB: my attorney will tell me how to handle it.
EB: everything's gonna be fine.
EB: and i'm not going to let the thought of getting beat up again get in my way.
TG: why do you have to be so goddamn brave all the time
EB: but i'm not brave all the time.
EB: it's been a long time since i've been brave.
TG: youre brave whenever you get the chance to be
TG: which is pretty much the definition of being brave in the first place
TG: john i just
TG: i dunno
TG: im not okay with the thought of you getting hurt over this
EB: people get hurt for shit like this every single day of their lives.
EB: if i have the chance to help them, why shouldn't i take it?
TG: i get that but
TG: jegus
TG: i feel like the dame in some depression-era blockbuster watching her husband go off to war
EB: you don't have to feel that way, not if you're by my side.
EB: ...will you be?
TG: always

The immediacy with which the word had been typed sent a pang of relief and adoration to John’s heart, and he stared at it for almost a minute, overwhelmed with the feeling that made his chest ache almost painfully. His fingers moved over the keyboard before he had a chance to think.

EB: dave, i love you.
EB: i love you so much i don't know what to do with myself.
TG: jeez egbert youre getting sap all over me
TG: its a bitch to wash out
TG: but yeah for the record the feelings mutual
TG: thats whats so scary
EB: what's so scary about it?
TG: once you open yourself up and start loving people suddenly you dont just have to worry about yourself anymore
TG: and hell its somehow worse than if i got hurt
TG: i dont know how id handle if something really bad happened to you
EB: i'll be really careful, i promise.
EB: and when you get here you'll just have to watch my ass and make sure nothing happens to me, hehe.
TG: im not gonna let anything happen to you while im around
TG: free bodyguards for egberts
EB: um
EB: your flight information says you're gonna be staying for a week and a half.
EB: do you want
EB: to stay longer, maybe?
TG: i
TG: id be cool with that yeah
TG: provided youre not gonna get sick of me beating your ass at everything
TG: were still having those lessons where i teach you badass fighting moves btw
TG: that didnt cease to be part of the itinerary
EB: i'm looking forward to it!
EB: and hey, if you teach me how to defend myself you won't have reason to be so worried about me anymore, right?
TG: i guess ill worry just a fraction less
EB: only a fraction?
EB: either you're a shitty teacher or you have very little confidence in my abilities!
EB: though i guess i'd understand if you didn't have confidence in me, hehe.
EB: i'm not very strong.
TG: youre plenty strong
TG: hey youre probably even stronger than i am but dont let it get around
TG: but im gonna worry a lot even if you were the fucking hulk
EB: bro if i was the hulk you wouldn't have to worry at all!
EB: but you really think i'm stronger than you?
EB: i couldn't defend myself from those guys.
TG: they caught you off guard
TG: youre like the dude in that one disney movie that i completely forget the name of
TG: youve got all this power but you just dont ever use it
TG: maybe cause youre too nice
EB: i don't even know what disney movie you're talking about. but i don't know... i mean i guess i was pretty strong back in the game.
EB: not nearly as strong as equius, haha.
EB: but i don't know, i always just assumed it was because of sburb. it wasn't actually me.
TG: your dads a strong guy right
EB: yeah? i guess so.
EB: usually he just bakes so it's kind of hard to tell, haha.
TG: way you told it in terms of pranking practice he sounded pretty tough
TG: stands to reason hed bring his kid up to be the same way
TG: but yeah regardless
TG: i just dont want you to get hurt ok
TG: promise me youll keep your head low as one possibly can when theyre being the public figurehead for bullied gay kids
EB: thanks, dave.
EB: i will do my best!
EB: my dad's already said he's going to be dropping me off and picking me up from work.
EB: i'm not going to go anywhere unless i'm with him, okay?
TG: ok that makes me feel a little better
EB: good!
EB: oh
EB: i think i just dozed off for a second there.
EB: i'm feeling a little woozy.
TG: kid you should get some rest
TG: hey its not so long until i dont even have to tell you that on a screen
TG: excitement abounts
EB: i am
EB: excited
EB: really really excited.
EB: eheh only a week now.
TG: meetups like this dont even happen in real life
TG: most of the time
EB: we're just speical
EB: *special
EB: ok dave i need
EB: sleep
TG: heh ok ill let you go
EB: i'll tlak to you
EB: tomorrow
TG: goodnight john
EB: after the press conference.
TG: dont wear yourself out ok kid
TG: and good luck tomorrow
EB: too late hahaha
EB: thank you.
EB: goodnight dave!
TG: night bro
TG: ...
TG: love you
EB: hehe love you too.
-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

-

“And now we have seventeen-year-old John Egbert of Maple Valley joining us for a special interview after a trying week. Tuesday, on his way home from work John was allegedly attacked by four of his peers because of a rumor stating that John has a boyfriend. John, how are you holding up? Are the bruises healing?”

John was wide-eyed, trying to keep his gaze on the reporter but finding himself distracted by the large camera recording their every move and the dozens of people waiting and working and watching on the set. He had thought that he would be free to go home after the press conference, but Carolyn had surprised them with a very special interview on the five o’clock news. John fiddled nervously with his shirt sleeve.

“U-Uh,” he said, and his eyes found Carolyn on the sidelines. She gestured at him to get ahold of himself, and gave him a thumbs-up. He swallowed and turned back to his interviewer. “I’m doing alright. It still hurts when they get bumped, but most of the time I forget they’re there.”

“Well, we wish you a speedy recovery. Now, how did it happen? Did they know you were going to be there?”

“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty common knowledge that I work at the bookstore.”

“But what would have caused them to want to attack you that day? Was it solely because of that rumor?”

“Um, well… The night before it happened I had been texting another classmate—a girl—and I mentioned my boyfriend to her briefly. When Daniel and his friends attacked me, he said that she’d told him about it. I don’t know if she was upset that I was already taken or disgusted that I’m dating a boy, or a mixture of both, but as far as I can tell, she wanted me to get hurt because of it.”

“No one else knew about your boyfriend?”

“It had been a secret,” John mumbled, embarrassed. The nausea was starting to return. “I hadn’t even come out to anyone until this happened.”

“Your bravery is admirable, coming here and letting the world know your story. Is it relieving to not have to lie anymore?”
John swallowed heavily, his hand moving to hold his stomach. He was glad at least that he had perfected the art of the fake smile. “Yeah, I’m happy to finally be myself. It’s scary to think about how many people are out there, unable to do the same because they only expect hatred. I just wish we could live in a world where teens don’t have to worry about getting beat up or called nasty things just because of who they love.”

“Well, even the biggest movements start small. You’ll be a hero to a lot of boys and girls out there when you win the court case next Wednesday.”

“Haha, I’m no hero, really. I just have something worth fighting for.”

The interviewer smiled. “Thank you for joining us, John. Next, we have Steve Pool with the weather. How are things looking for this week, Steve?”

As soon as the camera cut over to weather, crew members were rushing up to the desk, pulling John away and refreshing the news anchor’s makeup. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly around him, the lights were bright and smells of perfume and recording equipment were strong, and Carolyn was waving him over, but he needed a bathroom and fast.

He wondered vaguely as he bent over the toilet how many more times he would have to throw up before his body grew accustomed to this sort of stress. The night before, when Dave and he had had their semi-argument over whether or not this whole effort was too detrimental to John, he had been close to tears, because Dave was right: he was scared to death of messing up. There was so much banking on him doing everything right, on him being dependable and brave and sure of himself. And he didn’t really feel like any of those things, not when the world could see his bruises, could scrutinize his sexuality, could make him feel so isolated from normal life.

There was a knock on the door, but seeing as John was currently ejecting his lunch into the toilet, he wasn’t exactly able to answer. It opened anyways, and he heard heels clicking on the linoleum floor. “Oh my God, John…” he heard Carolyn breathe, and within seconds she was kneeling next to him, hand on his back. She didn’t say anything more, for which John was thankful.

Ten more minutes passed before John felt alright enough to move, and Carolyn helped him up onto shaking legs, then guided him over to the sink. “Wash your mouth out, go on,” she said softly. “Your next interview is in twenty minutes and we can’t be late.”

John heard nothing past “your next interview,” and before he knew it everything had gone black.

-

When John’s eyes fluttered open, he was laying in a hospital bed, his father snoozing lightly in a chair beside him. He blinked a few times and sat up. The curtains were closed, but he could see the dim light of twlight coming in from the bottom of the window. “Dad,” he whispered, and Dad released a quick, hard breath before opening his eyes, immediately focusing them on John, who couldn’t help but notice the dark circles beneath them.

“Son, how are you feeling?” he asked, and though his expression was calm, the urgency of his tone betrayed his worry.

John realized he’d been holding his breath and inhaled deeply. “I’m… fine, I think. I have a headache. Wait, dad, why am I in the hospital?”

“After you were on the news, you went to the bathroom to throw up and passed out. The doctor said something about it being a mixture of high stress and dehydration. John,” Dad trailed off and sighed. “John, I can’t have you keep doing this if this is where you’re going to end up. I’m going to have to call Carolyn and tell her that you’re done with the media.”

“Dad, no,” John objected, and before Dad could stand, John grabbed his hand and met his gaze, his own eyes swimming. “Dad, please don’t. I’ll – I’ll get a prescription from the doctor to help calm me down, just please don’t make me stop. I have to do this.” Finally his head tilted down, eyes shut tightly against the tears that threatened to fall and voice breaking when he repeated, “I have to.”

Dad went silent for a long time then, holding onto John’s hand as he tried to force himself to stop weeping. When someone finally spoke, it was John again, unable to restrain himself from tearfully exclaiming, “Dad, I’m so sorry—! All I ever do is – c-cause you stress. I-I can’t…”

But his coherence fell apart, and Dad quickly moved to the bed to wrap his arms around him, smoothing his hair and making low, murmured sounds of comfort as John sobbed into his shoulder. They stayed that way until John was again overcome with exhaustion and drifted into a restless slumber.

-

“… treating … unacceptable, I … would do…”

Consciousness was slowly coming back to John, and he clung to the sound of his father’s voice, trying to wake himself up, realizing after several minutes that his father was on the phone.

“No, as his father I cannot allow this to continue. Carolyn, he’s in the hospital.” John stilled and pretended to still be asleep when he saw his father turn to him. “I know that’s what he suggested, but he was upset. How is he supposed to make a rational decision after suffering from an anxiety attack? … No, Carolyn, you cannot say that. He is not a toy for you to dangle in front of news reporters, he’s still a child, he is a human being with feelings, and I’m sorry but it seems as though you’re keen to forget it as long as you can make his case famous.”

There was a long stretch of silence and John tried to focus on his breathing, making sure it was even, and nearly jumped when Dad continued speaking, voice oddly resigned. “Look, no… Carolyn, I know that this is important to you – important to a lot of people, I know. I just—yes, I trust him.” He sighed. “Yes, I can talk to the doctor. But Carolyn, if something happens to him, so help me, I will… Alright. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dad stuffed his PDA back into his pocket and raked a hand through his hair before quickly returning his fedora to his head. He released a quiet sigh before turning towards the door and shutting it softly behind him.

As soon as John heard the click of the door, he allowed his eyes to drift open. He wasn’t one to dwell on pessimistic thoughts, but everything had gone to shit so easily, all because he couldn’t control himself. And he was grateful that Carolyn was fighting so hard to give him a second chance, but Dad was right: she didn’t seem to be particularly attached to him on any emotional level other than that he was the figurehead that she was shaping him to be. And John didn’t know that he could handle the pressure he already put on himself, much less what Carolyn expected of him.

im not okay with the thought of you getting hurt over this

A dull ache arose in John’s chest, and his next exhale was shaky. Dave. Fuck, fuck, fuck all Dave was going to be so angry with him, not only for missing their ritual end-of-the-day talk, but shit, he’d gone and done exactly what he promised he wouldn’t do by ending up in the goddamn hospital. He sat up and glanced around urgently, trying to find his PDA to text Dave and try to explain, but froze when the door opened again, his father and a doctor stepping through.

“Oh, he’s awake,” the doctor said cheerily. “How are you feeling, John? Oh, wait, you haven’t touched your water since last night! It probably tastes stale by now. I’ll be right back with another cup.” She flashed them a smile and dipped out of the room, leaving Dad and John to inspect each other for a minute or two.

“I heard you talking to Carolyn earlier,” John finally remarked. Dad sighed and his eyebrows rose.

“Of course you did,” he replied calmly. “Well, then you’ll know that I’m planning on letting you keep on with this craziness. I’m not sure if that makes me a good dad or the worst.”

John smiled despite himself and threw the blanket off so that he could stand and walk over to his father, immediately pulling him into an embrace. “You’re the best dad anyone could ever ask for,” he mumbled into his shirt, and was pleased to hear him mumble in return, “Couldn’t do it without you, son.”

A moment later and the doctor walked back into the room with a cup of water in one hand and a slip of paper in the other. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, grinning. “You know, I hate to interrupt touching moments like these, but John really needs to drink some water.” John shrugged and pulled away from his father. When she handed the cup to him, she said, “Drink it slowly, alright?” He did as he was told as she handed the slip of paper to his father. “This is a prescription for a light benzodiazepine. It should calm him down almost immediately. The dosage will last you up until the day following the trial, and you must be very careful about following the directions. The human body builds a tolerance to benzodiazepines fairly quickly, which can lead to dependence. And we don’t want that, do we?”

John smiled and shook his head. “No, ma’am.”

“Good. Now you’re free to go! Make sure to rest today and drink at least ten to fifteen ounces of water every hour.”

They both thanked her before heading out the door.

-

When they arrived home, John sat in front of his computer, not particularly surprised that Dave wasn’t online. If he wasn’t still asleep, he was surely out continuing his job search. John sighed lightly and resisted the urge to call him, not wanting to bother him.

Instead he double clicked on Rose’s handle, and braced himself for a storm of therapy and sarcasm.

-– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

EB: so...
TT: So it appears you and Dave are a “thing” now.
TT: My sincerest congratulations.
TT: I must admit not expecting his forthcoming display of affection, as stunted and maladroit as it was, but he at least managed to illustrate the point.
TT: He is quite worried about you, by the way.
EB: what? he is?
TT: Indeed.
TT: Of course he didn’t say as much, but there was no need.
TT: I can read him so easily; it’s child’s play, honestly.
EB: wow, i wish i could do that. i’m never really sure what he’s thinking!
TT: Be cautious with wishes such as those. Seeing past Dave Strider’s near-comical façade is as much a curse as it is a craft.
EB: haha, i can imagine.
TT: Now John, what is it you wanted to tell me?
EB: huh? what makes you think...?
TT: It’s quite obvious, John.
TT: Dave doesn’t generally worry at all, and he has been behaving in a particularly distressed manner since last night.
EB: shit.
EB: well, i may have just gotten back from the hospital.
TT: Is everything okay?
EB: i guess so.
TT: Are the stresses of taking on a battle for the queer community a bit more overwhelming than you had anticipated?
EB: wait, rose how do you know about that?
TT: I follow an online journal, all of the articles for which are for queer and gender equality issues. Your story just happened to pop up.
EB: gosh, that’s a pretty big coincidence!
TT: John, please. Let’s not dance around the topic at hand.
TT: Why were you in the hospital?
EB: it wasn’t a big deal, rose.
TT: Certainly not. In fact, I may as well return to my knitting, or reading, or any number of things that are infinitely more important than a dear friend having visited a hospital.
TT: Rather, there is nothing I would rather be doing than dignifying my mother’s latest attempt at passive-aggressive trappings with my own inconspicuous response.
EB: okay, okay, i get it.
EB: you’re right, i was overwhelmed.
EB: i passed out in the bathroom where i was on the news.
EB: but really, i’m fine! the doctor gave me a, uh...
EB: this medicine with a weird, long name that’s supposed to help with anxiety.
TT: Benzodiazepine.
EB: yeah! that’s the one.
TT: John, I must urge you to be extremely cautious with your medication.
TT: Benzodiazepines have the unfavorable tendency of incurring their users with a strong dependence.
EB: i know, rose! the doctor told me.
EB: it’s fine, i’m just taking some this week and after the trial i will no longer need it!
EB: it’s only a week.
TT: Alright, John. I trust you.
TT: Now, it pains me to say this but my mother has invited me to a tea party with her colleagues, and after she refurbished my closet with all new clothes for the upcoming school year, I daresay I am obliged to attend, if only to spite her.
EB: i dunno, rose. it sounds like she just wants to spend time with you.
TT: Don’t be ridiculous.
TT: In any case, good luck talking to Dave. Do tell me how it goes.
EB: ok, bye rose.

-– tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

John sighed and sat there a few moments more before remembering he was supposed to drinking water and slowly headed downstairs.

Chapter 8: An Efteeyem

Notes:

small bit of nsfw, as well as introduction of a trans character.

also this chapter is like twice the length of the others because it was a special chapter i put out before going to china for a month! unfortunately...there will probably not be another this long, haha.

-– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: where
TG: the hell
TG: have you been
EB: shit, i guess rose was right...
TG: what
TG: shit
TG: what has she been telling you
EB: nothing, she just said you were worried.
EB: i'm sorry dave, i'm really sorry!
EB: i
TG: look im sorry i just
TG: i panicked
EB: no, you don't have to apologize.
EB: it's kinda nice to know, actually.
EB: but, uh
EB: please, just try not to freak out.
TG: ok
TG: you have a sworn promise that ill hold the reins in
EB: ok.
TG: what happened
EB: i wasn't online last night because i spent the night in the hospital.
TG: oh
TG: thats
TG: okay these reins are slipping
TG: why were you in the hospital
TG: what
TG: john are you ok
EB: fuck... yeah, i'm fine.
EB: i just
EB: was on the news yesterday, like i got an interview and everything.
TG: yeah i watched it
EB: and afterwards i just felt really sick and went to the bathroom to puke and i guess i ended up passing out.
TG: god john what the fuck
TG: this is EXACTLY what i said would happen
EB: i'm sorry, dave, i know i promised i wouldn't let it get to that.
EB: i just couldn't help it.
EB: apparently i was dehydrated or something?
EB: i don't know.
EB: please don't be angry at me.
TG: im not
TG: i just
TG: ugh is there at least some way these people can keep a checkup on you so youre not burning through all your reserves and passing out and shit
EB: actually i got a prescription for
EB: um, shit what's it called...
EB: benzo
EB: er
EB: benzodiazepine?
TG: drugs
EB: yeah.
EB: drugs.
TG: they put you on drugs
EB: it's a prescription! and they're to help anxiety.
EB: i have a dosage that'll last me a week, and then i'm done.
TG: i cant actually believe the lengths you go to
TG: jesus babymunching christ
TG: but i guess a week isnt as bad as it could be
TG: im still not happy about it
TG: you might have gotten a hunch
EB: i know, and i'm really sorry.
EB: getting a prescription isn't a big deal though!
EB: lots of people need medication to make them feel normal.
EB: and after next week i'm not even going to have a reason to feel anxious anymore anyways.
TG: believe me no one is looking forward to that more than i am
TG: for once i wont have to take you being offline as an indication youre off risking your ass for something
EB: if you wanna get technical, next week you won't have to worry about me being offline at all, since you'll be here to make sure i'm not risking my ass for something.
EB: hehehe.
TG: my point exactly
TG: im probably gonna have to keep you in an armlock so you dont spirit yourself away to some worthy cause
TG: just letting you know
EB: i think i could be okay with that.
EB: but, um.
EB: are you going to go to the trial with me?
TG: that is a dumb question
TG: presuming im allowed in the courtroom and dont melt off any faces with all the righteous glaring im gonna do
TG: of course im gonna go with you
EB: good, just making sure.
EB: i really hope i can sit next to you.
EB: they'll probably make me sit alone, though.
TG: ill be there
TG: you can just look at me
TG: i mean what better way to expel anxiety than look at a prime example of coolkid douchebag
TG: i hear theyre marketing it in all the new age magazines nowadays
TG: itd be better if i could sit near you though
EB: well, if real court is anything like tv, you're probably gonna be behind me.
EB: and i'll have to sit with the attorney.
EB: but it's okay, i'll just be relieved to know you're there.
TG: wow who knew trials spent so much effort on making sure the people testifying feel like shit
TG: but yeah ill be there
TG: emanating good vibes
EB: haha, emanating good vibes and melting off faces with righteous glaring at the same time?
EB: you sure are impressive, dave.
TG: i deal in paradoxes and double standards its what i do
EB: no wonder no one can figure you out!
EB: except rose of course, hehe.
TG: yeah that wench and her gift of sisterly insight
TG: but yeah
TG: i guess mainly i just wish i could do more
TG: seems like my life involves sitting on the sidelines and doing nothing of any merit while people i care about get hurt or worse
EB: hey, it's not like i don't feel the same.
EB: what did i do when that colin mcdouche did all of that shit?
EB: i was worried, but i couldn't...
EB: i don't know, i felt pretty helpless too.
TG: at least that particular scenario is all over and done with though
TG: cleared my inbox of that scumbag
TG: the only thing left that bothers me shouldnt bother me at all
EB: what is that?
TG: look i know its not a big deal and everything but
TG: yeah i was kinda hoping the first dude i kissed would be
TG: hey lets not talk about this
EB: no, i really think we should.
EB: last i checked we had gotten past the embarrassing confessions, so
EB: if you're angry that i wasn't your first kiss, then i understand.
EB: i'm pretty angry too.
TG: yeah got it in one
TG: usually when society insists on cramming emphasis into arbitrary romantic milestones im just like yeah whatever
TG: but eh i guess i bought into that idea
TG: like an idiot
TG: i just get angry about it sometimes
EB: you aren't an idiot.
EB: ugh this is really embarrassing, but...
EB: when you told me what happened, i got ridiculously upset.
EB: even though i didn't think i'd ever have a chance with you, i was still
EB: jealous, i guess.
TG: heh im moved
TG: well he was terrible at kissing
TG: i guarantee right here right now that when i kiss you itll be a million times better than that sorry charade
EB: it's so weird to think that you just said that you're going to kiss me unironically.
EB: this is kinda difficult to process, hehe.
EB: but i don't know how much better i'll be than colin mcdouche.
EB: my teeth will probably get in the way...
TG: took a lot of retyping
TG: and trust me youll do fine
TG: he had a shitty goatee and i think he learnt how to kiss from watching cpr videos
TG: i dont mind if your teeth get in the way
EB: well at least i don't have a shitty goatee!
EB: but the only lessons on kissing i've ever had were from watching romcoms, so i don't know if that's much better.
EB: and how can you not mind? they're so big and ugly.
EB: maybe i should get braces.
TG: oh john
TG: envision i said that in the rush of breath that comes from the worlds most long suffering exasperated sigh
TG: first off when we kiss were not reenacting any romcoms i am laying that down as a rule
TG: and secondly your teeth are cute
TG: i mean so long as theyre not going to grow into some terrifying x-men style mouthweapon i think you should hold off on getting braces
EB: dude how cool would it be if my teeth turned into a mouthweapon!
EB: that might possibly make me badass.
EB: too bad it'll never happen, huh?
EB: but come on, why shouldn't i get braces? they'd probably make me look a lot better.
TG: nothing would ever make you badass
EB: ouch!
TG: i mean that in the kindest way possible
TG: youve been badass on multiple occasions
TG: and yet simultaneously are not
TG: zen koans got nothing on your paradoxical states of badassery
TG: also look youre perfect the way you are now
TG: dorky teeth and all
EB: man, sometimes i wish we could be back in the game just so i could be badass again in my dorky way.
EB: but
EB: thanks i guess.
EB: if you think so i won't do anything to my teeth.
EB: hehe, not that i would have anyways, but it's nice to dream.
TG: it wouldnt matter if your name was actually coolguy mcbadass and you routinely fought badass crime in a hardboiled film noir-esque display of rampant badassery
TG: id still never admit it
TG: and heh im relieved
TG: after all the shock of you passing out and being prescribed cooldown pills i dont think i could take any more tragedy
EB: pfft me getting braces would not be a tragedy, you are just overexaggerating!
TG: no way
TG: look hey can we redo that whole promise thing
TG: where you promise you wont get yourself hurt and sick
TG: at least until i get there
EB: huh?
TG: im serious
TG: no more working yourself and stressing yourself until youre sick
TG: maybe the pills will help with that idk but
TG: yeah just promise me if it gets too much youll sit it out for once
EB: uh, yeah dave.
EB: the medicine is going to make the anxiety go away, though, so why are we redoing this promise?
TG: for my peace of mind
TG: do you want me to savagely detail just how shitty it was not knowing if you were okay or not
TG: this is probably coming across as cullen levels of creepy but
TG: just promise that if something happens and you cant get in contact youll get your dad to text me or something ok
EB: it's not creepy.
EB: caring about me isn't creepy at all.
EB: i
EB: gosh, i never really thought it would be possible to love you more than i already do, but you keep making it happen.
EB: uh, oops, i guess i got sap on you again...
TG: drowning in it
TG: but yeah i dont want to come across as some sort of weird stalker control freak but itd just be nice to know youre ok even when i cant talk to you
TG: which sucked by the way
TG: john i really care about you
EB: then i promise.
EB: cross my heart and hope to die, i will never make you worry like that again.
EB: i'll tell my dad, the second anything happens he needs to tell you.
EB: but nothing's gonna happen!
TG: i really hope so
TG: just stick it out until i can get there ok
EB: i'll do my best.
EB: shit, now i feel like the one who's fucking everything up.
TG: no youre just being ridiculously brave is all
TG: in ways i guess i dont know how to be yet
EB: going in front of all these people when it scares the shit out of me feels more stupid than brave.
EB: and then i end up in the hospital and stress my dad out and worry you.
EB: so, i don't know.
EB: feels like fucking up to me.
EB: and what the hell do you mean, you don't know how to be brave?
TG: hey i didnt say i dont know how to be brave
TG: just not in the ways you can manage
TG: like i feel bad that kids get treated like shit because of something they have no jurisdiction over
TG: but i dunno you work yourself to death for it
TG: put yourself out in the open and make yourself sick
TG: idk if i could do that
EB: well i'm only making myself sick because having so many people scrutinizing my every move scares me like you wouldn't believe.
EB: you're chill enough that you could probably handle it a lot better than I can.
EB: but, i guess
EB: i mean, you said earlier that you would want to help out the cause from where you are.
EB: if you've changed your mind...
TG: no i would
TG: i could do it and im going to do it
TG: cause i want to feel like im fighting with you even though this scenario is possibly more fucked up and potentially hurtful than what went on in sburb if you can even believe that
TG: i just
TG: i couldnt do it to the same extreme
TG: once i started stressing id be like well times up junior
EB: same extreme... like being on the news and stuff?
EB: heh, i didn't know a strider had it in him to be really stressed.
TG: like making myself physically sick because of the workload sorts of extremes
TG: you reach your limit and you keep on going anyway
TG: its about as terrifying as it is endearing
EB: well, like i said i'm just weird! i don't think most people would get sick as easily as me.
EB: especially not you!
TG: heh well maybe not for the same reasons
TG: dont get me wrong
TG: its actually pretty admirable that you keep at it in spite of everything
TG: just
TG: yeah take it easy
EB: th
EB: thanks, dave.
EB: eheh, i'll take it easy, really! or as easy as i can.
EB: but, um, what do you mean, "not for the same reasons"?
TG: im just saying that instead of standing up in front of people maybe theres other things that make me freak out
TG: like if they asked me to lay my feelings on the matter out on a plate with no sarcasm garnish then id be fucked
EB: oh, i guess that makes sense.
EB: it's weird, i forget sometimes that you're usually so unwilling to talk about your feelings.
EB: i suppose i've just been really lucky with you opening up to me so much recently.
TG: youre the exception that proves the rule
TG: even with lalonde we have to do a bullshit tango before we get anywhere
EB: haha, rose says that she can read you like it's child's play.
TG: she would
TG: but yeah its actually sort of
TG: nice
TG: being so open
TG: but only with you
TG: couldnt do it on a large scale
EB: hehehe, i feel so special!
EB: don't worry. i'll make sure to keep the strider behind the sunglasses a secret. :P
TG: ill hold you to that bro
TG: speaking of i probably need to crash soon or hell shut off the electricity again
TG: life is tough
TG: but uh
TG: for what its worth
TG: im really glad youre okay
EB: it's worth more than you know, dave.
EB: thank you.
TG: seriously stay safe ok
TG: i love you
EB: oh gosh, grinning like an idiot over here!
EB: i love you, too.
TG: hope every last one of those dorky teeth are on display
TG: see now im grinning too shit
TG: look what you made me do
TG: heh gnight kid
EB: hehehe! goodnight, dave.

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

Almost immediately after Dave signed off, John could hear the doorbell ringing from downstairs. Curious, and now with nothing better to do, he sauntered over to the stairs to see who it could possibly be. He peeked around the corner just as Dad was opening the door.

“Oh, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you over here?”

“We saw what happened to John on the news, and thought we’d bring over dinner. This is my wife, Sarah.” The door opened wider, and John saw Eric Reading, holding a pan covered in tin foil, and a lovely woman holding a mixing bowl full of salad greeting his father. Eric’s tone became concerned when he asked, “Is he doing alright?” John chose then to walk down the stairs, and they all turned towards him at the sound of his footfalls. Eric smiled with a strange hint of embarrassment. “Or I could ask him myself. How you feeling, kid?”

“I’m fine…”

Dad beckoned them inside, and Sarah offered to help Dad in the kitchen while John and Eric sat in the living room. It was silent for a few minutes, and John figured the awkwardness was so thick it could probably be cut with a butter knife. When Eric finally spoke, he sounded positively apologetic.

“Look, kid… I know you must be sore with me for telling your dad—”

“It was supposed to be a secret,” John interrupted, a little surprised at how hurt his tone was. Eric sat back a little, a look of resignation crossing his face.

“You’re right. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I didn’t do anything wrong, or that I didn’t hurt you. Just, kid… Try to understand my perspective, alright? I wouldn’t have been able to go to your hearing next week in good conscience if your dad didn’t know the whole story, not when those little shits are planning on fighting you in court. I’m a father, too, kid. And when I thought about how I would feel if I were in your dad’s position, not knowing why you were suffering as much as you were, not being able to do anything about it simply because I was ignorant… Shit, when he called me to tell me about the case – it even made more sense from a legal standpoint for him to know the whole truth.”

John remained silent and staring at the floor, eyebrows slightly knitted. Eric sighed.

“Sorry, kid. I wasn’t planning on lecturing you. I really am sorry; I’ve probably ruined any trust you might’ve had in me.”

“No…” John murmured, finally looking up and meeting Eric’s gaze before quickly averting it again. “You haven’t ruined anything…”

He could see Eric’s slow smile from the corner of his eyes. “I’m really glad to hear that.” Several minutes of silence passed before Eric made to stand. “Well, I guess I’ll go help Sarah and your dad.”

“Mr. Reading, how old are your kids?” asked John, before Eric could move away. The thought of his children brought a smile to his face.

“My daughter is ten and my son is seven. They’re quite the handful, but they’re the most darling kids you’ll ever meet.”
John contemplated this for a moment, before looking up and smiling. “They’re lucky to have a dad like you.”

Eric stilled and a soft smile crossed his face. “Hey, thanks kid. That means a lot. You’re pretty lucky, yourself.” After a beat, he cleared his throat and stood up straight. “Well, we should go help them in the kitchen. Can’t have them doing all the work, can we?” John followed his lead and stood.

“Yeah!” he replied enthusiastically. They walked into the kitchen together, surrounded by the smell of lasagna casserole and the feeling of warmth.

-

The air was heavy with steam, and John felt faint as he came into his hand, the semen immediately washing away as the showerhead poured water over his torso, and he had to cover his mouth with one damp hand to keep himself from gasping Dave’s name.

After a few more minutes of soaping and rinsing, John stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel over to him. He rubbed his face and hair dry quickly before wrapping it around his waist and replacing his glasses in their rightful place. When he looked in the mirror, the expression staring back at him was oddly calm, happy almost. Funny what an unexpected early morning release could do for his nerves.

However, the more John contemplated the day ahead of him, the more trepidation and anxiety began to quietly stir in his chest. After spending all day yesterday doing nothing but doctor-prescribed rest and relaxation, Tuesday was going to be long with interviews for magazines, queer and gender equality resource groups, a meeting at King 5 News headquarters to confirm permission to do a short special on his story, and the first of five appointments with a counselor to discuss his feelings on the things he had experienced, as suggested by Carolyn. He idly hoped that the case settlement would at least pay his dad back for all of the gas money he had to dish out, having to go to Seattle every day. He also wondered what professional tentacle therapy would look like when compared to Rose.

Hands shaking slightly, John reached out to the mirror and pulled it open, revealing toothpaste and hairbrushes and several cans of shaving cream, and since yesterday an unassuming bottle labeled Xanax. He looked at it warily before picking it up and holding it in his palm. It looked like any other bottle of pills he might normally find in the medicine cabinet, and the unceremonious clicks that met his ear as he twisted the cap a few times almost seemed too normal to be real.

Finally finished pretending to be unable to get past the child-proof cap, almost smiling from the feeling of nostalgia doing so induced, John held the bottle in one hand and pressed his palm against the cap, turning it under the pressure and after a moment feeling it come free. The bottle unscrewed, he peered into it and at its contents; the pills appeared to be little less than half an inch long, and not terribly wide. John breathed a shaky sigh and filled the glass on the counter with water before dumping one of the pills into his hand and tossing it back immediately. He cringed at the feeling of the pill going down his throat, but after he downed the glass of water, all was normal. Like it had never even happened.

He quickly returned the bottle to the medicine cabinet and set to brushing his teeth.

-

“You’ll be okay getting there?”

“Haha, I’ve only been there a billion times, dad.” John leaned into the car from the open door out of which he’d just exited, grinning all over. Dad seemed to regard him with caution.

“You’re sure you’re feeling alright?”

“I’m totally chill. Chill as a cucumber. Pffhaha what does that metaphor even mean, anyways?” Dad rolled his eyes, really exaggerated, and John laughed. “Seriously dad, I’m fine! The Xanax is doing its job for sure. I am not even nervous!”

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it. But so help me, John, if anything happens you call me right away. I’ll just be downtown with a business partner, okay?”

“Gosh dad, I get it! Haha, really, it’s just Seattle Center, what can honestly happen?” Dad became somber for a moment, and he didn’t answer. Sensing his father’s more troubled feelings in leaving his son on his own, especially after all of the media attention, John sobered up and climbed back into the car to embrace him. “It’s okay, dad, really. I’ll text you every ten minutes if that’ll make you feel better.” He pulled away and looked at his dad in earnest, and dad responded by ruffling his hair.

“No, no. I’m just – after the past few days, I guess I feel like I have more reason to worry than usual. I don’t want you to go through anything like that ever again, son.”

John smiled and embraced his father again. “I know. I’m on alert now, though. I won’t let anything happen to me.” When he pulled away, they looked at each other for a few moments before John grinned. “Dad, you’re gonna be late meeting your partner. I’ll call you when I’m done, okay?”

Dad returned his grin. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you in a few hours. I love you, John.”

“Love you too, dad.”

He shut the car door behind him and watched as Dad drove back down Thomas Street. A pang of guilt shot its way through John’s chest when he remembered his promise to Dave, the one that he was very clearly breaking: don’t go anywhere alone. And he honestly felt bad breaking it, because he knew that Dave would be so angry if he knew. But it was just too unpractical, considering that Dad still had work to do, and John had to be able to fend for himself. What Dave didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Today John was meeting with an interviewer from Seattle Gay News. The person he’d spoken to on the phone—Cade Schmidt, that was the name—had told him it was a very informal meeting; they were just going to meet at the Starbucks inside the Seattle Center Building. The lack of butterflies in his stomach as he walked past the children’s theatre was an odd but not unpleasant feeling.

When he entered the building, his interviewer stood and called out his name over the hustle and bustle of the cramped café, but when he looked over, John felt something sinking and distinct in the bottom of his stomach. It wasn’t dangerous, or even frightening. There was just a guilty twinge of embarrassment when John realized that he could not distinguish the gender of the person walking towards him.

He smiled widely to hopefully cover his discomfort, and said, “Hi! Cade, right?”

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you,” Cade said, holding out a hand to shake. Not even—his? her?—voice really gave anything away. “I can’t tell you how heroic I think you are for turning your awful experience into a legitimate cause. The queer community is really rooting for you.” John stammered for a moment at the compliment, but Cade just waved him off. “Come on, it’s true! Not everyone is so brave. But anyways, enough of my gushing, we should get on with this interview. Do you wanna go sit somewhere a little less crowded? Maybe over by the fountain?”

“Sure…”

Cade Schmidt was relatively short, and looked barely older than John himself, had hair styled in a crew cut, and sat in the grass close to the fountain with legs crisscrossed, a Nikon lying between them and a notebook and pen in hand. Cade’s clothes at least seemed very boyish, but the soft features, slender torso with wide hips, and generally graceful movements made John ultimately incapable of choosing which pronouns to use in his head. Going on any longer like this felt almost dishonest to him, which made him unable to stop himself when he blurted out, “Cade, I’m really sorry, but are you a boy or a girl?”

There was a moment of stunned silence before Cade laughed so loudly that John almost felt silly for feeling awkward. Once calm, Cade replied, voice still breathy with laughter, “I’m an f-t-m. I go by he, him, his pronouns.”
John’s brows knitted slightly in confusion, and his head tilted to the side. “An efteeyem…?”

“A female-to-male?” Cade grinned. “I’m transgender.”

It took a moment for it to sink in, and when it did, John’s eyes widened, a quiet oh leaving his lips. He sat up and leaned closer to Cade, inspecting his features with a newfound albeit innocent curiosity. “I’ve never met someone who’s transgender before.” Cade smiled and didn’t complain that John was too close.

“I’m not really anything special to look at,” he remarked off-handedly. John seemed to take the hint and made a noncommittal noise as he backed away, settling into the position he’d been in to begin with.

“Sorry! It’s just so interesting. I don’t know much about queer issues, to be honest. Have you,” he glanced nervously down Cade’s torso, “had an operation? Or…”

Cade smiled, and John was relieved to see that he didn’t seem bothered by his ignorance. “I haven’t been able to have an operation yet. I just graduated this past spring, so I don’t really have the money for it. I’m working for this newspaper, though, and hopefully I’ll be able to save enough in the next couple years when I get work at a mental health institution.” John gazed contemplatively at the grass. I wonder if there’s anything I can do to help? I do have all that money I saved to visit Dave… His train of thought was interrupted when Cade continued, “Enough about me, though! I’m really interested in learning more about you. Can I ask you some questions?”

“Yeah, of course!”

He laid his notebook on his thigh and poised the pen on top of it. “You’re seventeen years old, right?”

“Yep!”

“And you identify as a homosexual man?”

John blushed, but was vaguely aware that he didn’t feel anxious. “Hehe, yeah. Though it sounds weird to call myself a man! I still feel like a kid.” Cade smiled at him.

“Don’t worry, I feel that way all the time,” he offered, and John giggled politely. “So, I know it’s only been little over a week since it happened, but I was wondering if you would be comfortable giving me a little more detail about the incident than you’ve given some of the other newspapers.” John’s smile faded a little, his shoulders tensing. Cade didn’t fail to notice this, and leaned over to place a comforting hand on his knee. “Hey, it’s okay. If you aren’t comfortable with it, that’s fine. I know what it’s like to be bullied for things you can’t control. Some of the absolute shit kids like us experience… It’s traumatizing. So I completely understand if there are some things you’d rather not divulge. But, just for the record, the newspaper I’m writing for is made specifically to cover issues like these. The personal aspects of your story are just as important and will certainly resound a lot more with our readers than a lot of legal-speak with some minor run-through of the event.”

John’s gaze found the ground, and he pulled at some blades of grass with surprisingly steady fingers. “It’s fine,” he finally said, voice quiet. “You can ask me anything.”

Cade watched him for a few moments more as if trying to gauge how certain John really was, but eventually spoke anyways.

“Anyone who’s been following your story already knows that this entire incident started because of a text message. You mentioned your boyfriend through text to a girl from school and she told her homophobic friends, correct?” John nodded. “What exactly prompted this text message? I mean… You hadn’t come out before the incident, so what would make you want to mention your boyfriend to a classmate? I can’t imagine she was a good friend if she was willing to let this happen to you, after all.”

John trained his gaze so intensely onto the ground that he felt like his eyes were going to pop out. Shit.

Carolyn had told him to run with the “fact” that he had a boyfriend. As she said, the only people who knew that everything actually started because of a prank were her, Eric Reading, Dad, and John himself. (Well, and Dave, Rose, and Jade, but John didn’t really think they added into the equation.) Making the prank a part of the story would cause need for speculation and misunderstanding over John’s trustworthiness as a plaintiff. And the bottom line, Carolyn had been sure to illustrate, was that the boyfriend in question was irrelevant to the bigger issue. The press would (and should, she had added, somewhat self-righteously) be concerned primarily in the legal matters. And if it came down to it, John could fall back on the fact that he didn’t want his “boyfriend’s” name to enter into the media because it was a risk to his safety that he was unwilling to take.

Perhaps it shouldn’t have been a surprise that his attorney would be much more concerned over the legal aspect of his story. She’d said from the beginning that she had been waiting for a case like this for her entire career; something told him that she had much more grandiose plans with all of this attention than simply winning a court case. But now, John didn’t know how to respond. Would it be too incriminating to tell the truth? Should he make something up?

“John?”

He looked up in surprise to see Cade watching him with a sad and sympathetic expression. John could see it in his face, a desperate feeling of he’s taking so long to answer, something horrible must have happened to put him in that situation written in his expression as clearly as if John was reading a book.

I can’t do this. I can’t lie to him and make him worry over something that didn’t even happen.

“I need to tell you something,” John said quickly before he could talk himself out of it. Cade automatically reached out and placed a hand on his knee.

“It’s okay,” he said softly. “You can tell me anything. Just let me know and I can leave it out of my notes.”

John swallowed. “Maybe… leaving it out of your notes would be best.” Cade nodded and closed the notebook, setting it in the grass by his thigh. “The reason I told her I had a boyfriend is because at the time I didn’t.” At this, Cade’s head cocked to the side a little. “I… I’ve never been really popular. I mean, I’m a total nerd and I’m not super attractive or talented. I don’t really have any friends at school, just classmates, people that I know. But for some reason, this girl started flirting with me. I’ve known I’m gay for several years now, even if I never told anyone. But I didn’t know how to turn her down – I didn’t want to hurt her, you know? S-So I talked to my best friend about it… He’s a huge ladies’ man and turns down confessions at least once a week, so I thought maybe he could help me.

His advice for someone who wasn’t comfortable with flat-out rejections was to… well, to pretend to have a boyfriend. And it was late and I was tired and she wouldn’t stop texting me, and it seemed like it would work. No harm if it’s a prank, right? I never expected she would react that way…”

“So, in other words,” said Cade, his voice solemn, “you got beaten up over something that wasn’t even true?” John swallowed heavily and nodded in response, not trusting his voice to stay steady. Cade just shook his head, his expression fairly disgusted. “I seriously cannot believe people. A rumor is all it takes to send people into a heated enough frenzy that it’s worth hurting others. And to think that the rumor that caused all of this was false…” He pursed his lips and seemed unable to continue. John frowned.

“Well, that’s high school, you know? If it’s not some homophobes beating up the next possible gay kid, it’s always gonna be something else. I may not have any friends, but that doesn’t mean I don’t listen, and I can’t say I’ve ever been in a class that wasn’t teeming with drama-obsessed teens who can’t seem to make it through the day without spreading one rumor or another.”

Finally Cade cracked a smile. “You sure have it pegged,” he said. “It’s a shame, too. High school might be an amazing time if it weren’t for all that teen angst.” They both laughed a little before Cade settled John with an amused look. “So, I’m guessing there’s a reason you haven’t told any other newscasters this version of the story.”

“Yeah, well, my attorney didn’t think it would look so good if everyone knew that all of this started because I pulled a prank. I guess it’s something that the defendant’s attorney can use against me.” His eyes widened suddenly and a worried expression crossed his face. “You aren’t… going to tell anyone about this, are you?” Cade laughed lightly.

“Of course I’m not. John, I’m on your side here. I want nothing more than for you to win your court case.” He smiled reassuringly and John felt himself relax. “I’m curious though. You said that at the time you didn’t have a boyfriend, right?” His eyebrows rose suggestively. “Has that changed in the past couple of days?”

John blushed. “Hehe, yeah. On Friday he asked me out on a date.” Cade smiled.

“How long have you known him?” John’s blush deepened.

“He’s the best friend who gave me the fake boyfriend advice, so… I’ve known him since we were kids.”

“Really? The ladies’ man?”

“Yeah, he’s the real attractive stoic type, so girls tend to flock to him like preteens to a Justin Bieber concert. He always turned them down though, for as long as I can remember. Something about them…” he trailed off slowly as realization struck him, his smile fading, “never being his type…”

Cade watched him with an inquisitive gaze for several moments before saying, “John?” He blinked several times and found himself smiling wider than he had been before.

“Sorry! Just got a little sidetracked. I’ve been in love with him for three years, in any case, so needless to say I’m really excited that he feels the same way about me.”

“Well, well. The perfect teenage romance.” There went those suggestive eyebrows again, and the grin was coy. Cade reached for his notebook and opened it slowly. “Do you mind if I include this about your boyfriend? Of course, not the part about him not asking you out until Friday.”

“Sure, go ahead,” John said, the blush rising again. Cade took a few minutes to write things down before looking at John again.

“What was his reaction when he found out what had happened to you?”

“He was really angry and pretty guilty at first, since he’s the one who gave me the fake boyfriend advice in the first place.” John rested his chin in his palm. “He’s always so good at pretending to be chill about everything, and I’m not always sure what he’s thinking. But I’m just afraid that he really feels like what happened was his responsibility and that he’s taking all of that unnecessary guilt and internalizing it.”

“Can I ask more about what happened?”

John looked up before looking at the grass again. “Yeah…”

“All of the other reports say that you were cornered in an alleyway after work by four of your peers. Do you think you could describe the incident in more detail?”

Swallowing heavily, John closed his eyes and tried to dredge up the details of that evening. “I was just getting off work at five, and when I left the store there were four of my classmates hanging around outside. I… didn’t think much of them, just kept walking home. But they followed me back to the alley behind the store and snuck up on me before pushing me into the fence. They, um…. told me they’d seen the text message about my boyfriend. I tried to deny it and they started calling me a – a faggot, and talking about how I must want to suck their dicks since I’m gay and all gay people are… darn, what did they say? Loose sluts or something…”

Cade’s expression was downright shocked. “What was going through your head as this was happening?”

“Mostly just that I couldn’t believe that it was even happening. I was having a lot of trouble accepting it and I was scared out of my mind, so I froze.”

“Completely understandably,” Cade added, his tone upset. “What happened next?”

“One of them punched me in the stomach pretty hard… Then another got me in the face and knocked my head into the fence hard enough to make my lip bleed. They punched me in the face again, which tossed my glasses off so I couldn’t even see what was going on. One more time in the face, and they were about to do it again when Eric Reading happened to walk back there and scare them away.”

“I’m so sorry,” Cade said, and finally John looked up and met his gaze. He seemed a lot more genuine then any of the other news reporters he’d talked to. John hated to think it might have been because Cade knew from experience what he was talking about. “What are your plans beyond the court case, John?”

He considered for a moment. “I’m not entirely sure. I know my attorney probably has big plans involving some new legislation about anti-bullying. But for now, all I know is that I’m going to be talking to some LGBT organizations and learning more about queer issues.”

Cade’s hand again rested on John’s knee, and his smile was soft as he said, “Thank you, John. Thank you so much.”

Somehow, John got the feeling that those thanks meant a lot more to Cade than John would ever be able to understand.

-

-– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: welp
TG: weve gotta stop meeting like this egbert
TG: you me and a dingy chat client
EB: pfft, yeah right!
EB: i won't be able to call myself a pure, virtuous maiden if we go on like this.
TG: ikr
TG: id hate to break the news to your dad that you were consorting with the sort of gutterfilth that roams pesterchum
TG: anyway enough pleasantries
TG: howre you doing
EB: i'm pretty good, i think!
EB: the drugs worked! i didn't get worked up or pass out or anything that would make you want to punch me until i stop being an idiot.
TG: dude thats awesome
EB: i know! it was really relieving.
TG: anything that prevents you from tossing your cookies in public is something i can get behind
EB: agreed!
EB: i had a really nice interview today, actually.
EB: it was with a transgender person! an "ftm."
EB: kinda made me realize that i know absolutely nothing about queer issues, haha.
EB: so i want to learn more!
TG: female to male right
TG: yeah i came across some shit on the internet
TG: definitely wasnt researching because of you why would you even think me capable of a dorktacular thing like that
EB: dave...
EB: you're ridiculous.
EB: :)
TG: shut up no im not
TG: idk some stuff happened and i got to thinking how shitty it was that theres this whole fucking stigma behind everything
TG: and then suddenly i was reenacting some awful lifetime movie where the concerned friend uses a poor mans version of google to do research
TG: anyway i learned a lot of stuff i guess
TG: who needs school when you have the internet
EB: some stuff happened? what do you mean?
TG: i had
TG: kind of a run in with someone
EB: huh? who?
TG: its been taken care of
TG: nbd
EB: no, don't pull that shit, dave!
EB: what happened?
TG: sigh
TG: ok ive been checking around for job openings right
TG: just to get a feel for whatll be here
EB: right?
EB: uh, dave is everything okay? it's been a while since you've said anything...
TG: sorry bro came in to ask some junk
TG: ok
TG: so im cutting through the back alleys to get home
TG: when suddenly i get grabbed from behind
TG: hand over the mouth deal too
TG: caught me right the fuck off guard
EB: wh
EB: what the fuck...
TG: so im just
TG: pressed against some dudes torso right
TG: literally incapable of doing much else than thinking what the fuck over and over
TG: and then he gets his hands in my hair
TG: tight enough to hurt
TG: and says so kid looking for another job where you can ruin peoples lives
TG: and im like oh holy fuck not you again
TG: i mean dont get me wrong he blindsided me so i was at a disadvantage and everything
TG: but i started laughing and then he
TG: wow ok i dont want to type this
EB: dave...
EB: what
EB: what did he do to you?
TG: god it wasnt even
TG: okay it was
TG: it wasnt anything really bad but
TG: ok
TG: basically he got his hands all up in my junk
TG: and there were maybe three seconds where i just bluescreened
TG: and then i slammed back into consciousness and just kicked upwards with one leg as far back as i could
TG: and then i just stood there
TG: shouldve probably run or something
TG: but i just stood there watching him writhe his ass around against the sidewalk cursing and calling me a slut and a fag and a million other colorful euphemisms
EB: holy shit, how is that not horrible?
EB: i want
EB: fuck, i really want to hurt that guy.
EB: how could he do that to you?
TG: i guess im just so gogdamned beautiful that bitches cant keep their hands off
TG: no but seriously i
TG: i was standing there thinking about calling the police
TG: and then i just froze up thinking shit like no ones even gonna believe me if i report this so what the fuck is the point
TG: so i just ended up telling him if he came near me again id make pepperoni slices using only my broken katana and his dick
TG: and he said hey empty threats arent gonna change the fact youre gay
TG: you were packing heat there junior etc etc
TG: i ended up bailing
TG: thankfully bro wasnt in when i got home because i must have looked like 413 varieties of shit
EB: i don't understand how this is taken care of.
EB: that's fucking awful.
TG: im ok
EB: i don't know if i believe you.
TG: ill be seeing you soon
TG: thats the only thing that matters to me at this moment
TG: fuck i still cant believe he caught me with my guard down like that though
EB: goddamnit dave, there has to be something i can do. i don't want to just sit back and watch while that asshole hurts you when you can't do anything but threaten him.
EB: i want to see you so badly but there's still tomorrow, thursday, and friday.
EB: three days is too long.
TG: an hour is too long
TG: moving swiftly on from that uncomfortable display of sentimentality on my part
TG: even if i called the police on him what good would it do
TG: thered be people saying i made too big a deal of it because it wasnt like he threw me down on the ground and stuck himself in places
TG: then thered be people saying i was making it all up
TG: then thered be a bunch of shitty interviews not entirely unlike the debacle you had to go through with those kids beating you up
EB: but you can't just let him get away with it!
EB: have you at least told bro?
EB: and the only reason i'm doing interviews is because my attorney wants to turn my case into a big media thing.
TG: no ive not told bro hed overreact
TG: interviews is the wrong word
TG: i mean that sitdown bullshit where you repeat your story five times and no one believes you anyway
EB: fuck, dave. you're being way too chill about this.
EB: seriously, you need to tell bro.
EB: what if
EB: fuck
EB: what if next time that douchebag doesn't give you the option to react?
EB: he seems pretty zoned in on you.
EB: i mean, it's one thing for him to sneak up on you and do shit that you can pretend doesn't bother you...
EB: but what if
TG: what if what
EB: goddamnit dave, you know where i'm going with this.
EB: what if this guy is fucked up crazy and does something worse to you than he already has?
TG: i can take care of myself
TG: i handled it today
EB: you are definitely ridiculous.
EB: today he caught you off guard.
EB: what makes you think that won't happen again?
TG: it wont
EB: shit.
EB: dave, please don't do this.
EB: you don't have to pretend with me.
EB: i'm...
EB: jeez, i'm so fucking in love with you, and i don't think that i'm being an idiot worrying about this.
EB: what do you really know about that douchebag?
EB: he could be dangerous, and if anything happened to you...
TG: im not
TG: trying to make you worry
TG: thats the last thing im trying to do
EB: i know you're not.
EB: just
EB: please at least talk to bro about this.
EB: and don't tell me he'll overreact, because that's not true.
TG: but hell want to take action and shit and
TG: i cant
EB: why?
TG: what if he tries to keep me home to deal with it
EB: i
EB: oh...
TG: i cant
TG: not see you
TG: dont ask me to do that
TG: john
TG: are you still there
EB: yes, i'm
EB: i'm still here.
EB: dave, i
EB: i don't know what to do.
TG: i promise ill look out for myself ok
TG: and
TG: when i come back ill tell bro everything
TG: hell understand maybe
TG: hes weird
EB: can't you just
EB: not go anywhere until you leave?
EB: haha...
TG: i could stick to here and the roof i guess
TG: im not much one for the outside anyway
TG: all texas is good for is sunburn and assholes
EB: ...
EB: have you thought about where you're applying for college?
TG: yes
TG: im gonna have to work my ass off but
TG: i have an idea of where i want to go sure
EB: where?
TG: not sure
TG: guess ill be testing the ground in three days
EB: holy
EB: dave, i will seriously flip my shit if you go to college in washington.
TG: heh
TG: like i said
TG: id have to work my ass off
EB: yeah!
EB: jeez, dave.
EB: out of state tuition is a total bitch, are you sure it's a good idea?
EB: and here you are spending all this money to come visit me...
EB: can't you let me pay you back or something?
TG: no way
TG: look this is something i really want to do
TG: ive been saving for it for a
TG: while
TG: if you have to know
EB: for a
EB: while
EB: that's an odd break. :P
EB: but still! it is seriously so much money, dave, can i at least help you out with this trip.
EB: i mean, i know you only had to pay for a plane ticket, but every little bit helps, right?
TG: i was tossing up between while and long time to see which of the two seemed less pathetic
TG: sigh.flac
TG: if you must
TG: you can put some money towards it
TG: only for the sake of your peace of mind
TG: i still feel like shit accepting charity though
EB: hahaha, i don't think you're pathetic.
EB: and it's not charity!
EB: probably...
EB: hehe no i am actually giving you money for totally selfish reasons!
EB: obviously it's all because of my burning desire to be close to you.
EB: so it's not even really for you! it's mostly for me.
EB: hahaha.
TG: yeah i heartell the desire for striders is a pretty intense one
TG: ok ill believe you
TG: but let me buy you dinner or something while were there ok
EB: what?? no way! you need to save your money!
EB: i'm buying all the dinners!
TG: no
TG: im putting my foot down
TG: im buying you a classy dinner were doing this dating thing my way
TG: theres nothing more ironic than playing the wine-and-dine card straight
EB: ugh dave you are really, really ridiculous!
EB: as much as i am grinning like a huge idiot over the thought of you playing the wine-and-dine card
EB: i think it's totally lame that you have to buy the dinner.
TG: just one dinner
TG: damn it youre the only kid in the world who would complain about eating for free
EB: well excuuuse me for thinking about the future!
EB: i'd rather you save your money so we can go to college together than get a free dinner!
EB: or...
EB: hehe, go to college close to each other, anyways.
TG: ideally the first
TG: trust me the dinner wont make that big of a dent
TG: unless you eat more than i bargained for
EB: i don't knoow dave, my stomach can be a bottomless pit when it wants to be!
EB: how much do you have saved up already anyways? how long have you even been saving?
TG: like i said
TG: a
TG: while
TG: im hoping for scholarships though itd make it easier
TG: been working my ass off
EB: "a while," he says, bluuuuuuuuh!
EB: i'm sure you'll get scholarships!
EB: i mean, you do pretty well in school when you apply yourself, don't you?
TG: egbert you dont even know the half of it
TG: its like i walk in the room and they just cover me in a+s
TG: but yeah ive been working for what its worth
EB: wow, really?? that's kind of awesome!
EB: i'm jealous! haha i'm such a b-student.
TG: eh youre smart in other ways
TG: booksmarts are overrated
TG: idk when im gonna find a practical application for pythagoras theorem but what you gonna do
EB: hey man, if you go into maths and sciences, you can get lots of scholarships! everyone else is too busy getting their degrees in art and english, pfft.
TG: yeah i was thinking about going into chem maybe
TG: shits easy
EB: oh man, chemistry is so cool!
EB: i wish i was better at it, but it sure is fun!
TG: heh
TG: yeah ive been fucking around with chemical shit for as long as i can remember
TG: so maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea to try and score a few science scholarships
TG: well see
TG: ill get my ass over there somehow
EB: i'm sure you can.
EB: oh my gosh i just want to skip senior year and go straight to college now!
EB: haha why must you make my life so difficult, strider?
TG: thats just me summarized
TG: i exist to provide you with endless insurmountable problems based primarily around how cool i am
TG: shit i have to leave soon and all we did was talk about how great i am
TG: an understandable topic choice but i cant help but feel guilty
EB: pffft don't worry dave, i can assure you that i enjoyed every minute of it.
EB: but yeah, i gotta go too.
EB: dinner's just about ready.
EB: just, um
EB: be safe, okay?
TG: i promise ill stay indoors like a good kid
TG: hey john
EB: yeah?
TG: i cant wait to see you
EB: hehe, right back atcha!
EB: the next three days are gonna be torture, no lie.
TG: yeah you know it
TG: stay strong ok i know those media guys are probably working the hell out of you
TG: but ill be there to cheerlead in like three days so
EB: surely you will be the best cheerleader ever.
EB: no i didn't just imagine you in a cheerleader's outfit why would you suggest that.
TG: dude you know i would rock a skirt that short
EB: oh my gosh i'm tempted to dare you!
TG: oh ho this is intriguing
TG: hidden depths egbert
TG: but id win that dare
TG: you grow up with bro you learn to justify anything
EB: of course, it's all ironic, right? :P
TG: theres levels to this shit egbert
TG: its ok if you dont understand its an art
EB: sure, dave.
EB: sure.
EB: then in that case, i do dare you!
TG: challenge accepted
TG: heh anyway bros leaving angry ims so i should go
EB: haha, alright.
TG: love you dude
EB: i love you too!
EB: <3
TG: ugh dont make me do this
TG: ...
TG: <3
TG: sign
EB: hehehe.
EB: i am going to reward you for stooping to that level, dave.
EB: hold me to it.
TG: looking forward to it
TG: heh see you round john
TG: take care of yourself ok

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

Chapter 9: A Crucial Verb

Notes:

ok ao3 i'm sorry to say you're now caught up on this fic. which means you have to wait for my slow-ass writing. :( i am really sorry about that.

john and dave talk about SEX it is exciting

When John stepped in front of the mirror the next morning, he noticed, almost in passing, that the dark bruises around his eyes were turning a strange greenish yellow color. As he removed his clothes in order to shower, he saw that the bruising on his stomach had also taken on a bit of a green tinge. He sighed and tried to put out of his mind how ugly he felt. At least his lip had healed over and only ached a little when he smiled widely, though it was small relief to the dread in the pit of his stomach that Dave would be there in three days and he still looked like he’d gotten his ass handed to him in the Puget Sound’s nearest fight club. Not exactly exuding sex appeal, there.

Well, not that John Egbert ever exuded sex appeal in the first place.

As he was eating breakfast that morning, his PDA buzzed and he pulled it out to see familiar green text.

-– gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

GG: john!!!
EB: oh, hey jade! how are you?
GG: john you are really silly and i am going to pap you really hard on the nose next time we see each other!!!!!!!!
EB: what?
EB: what did i do?
GG: weeeeeeeeell for one thing its been like a week since youve talked to me!!! >:(
GG: and for second thing i hear that there have been............developments!!
EB: oh, i’m sorry jade! i swear i’m not trying to ignore you or anything.
EB: like you said, there have been lots of developments!
EB: i feel like being the gay kid who got beat up is my new job or something, there’ve been so many interviews and stuff!
GG: joooooooohn john john you are ridiculous!!!
EB: ...what?
GG: im not talking about the media thing silly!!
GG: i meant romantic developments ;)
EB: ...
EB: oh.
GG: hahahahahaha!!!
GG: john you are so cute <3
EB: pfft, no i am not!
GG: i think you definitely are
GG: and i bet dave agrees :P
EB: oh my gosh jade, i will turn off my phone.
GG: shhhh no john dont do that that is the worst thing you can do!!
GG: i just wanted to ask you about it since sooooome people have to get their information second hand!!!
EB: jade, i really am sorry!
EB: i guess everything is happening so fast that i sort of forget to keep everyone in the loop. :(
EB: my dad doesn’t even know yet!
GG: really??? :o
GG: when are you planning on telling him??
EB: i don’t really know, to be honest.
EB: i think dave really wants me to say something even if he is pretty nonchalant about it.
GG: that dave is so stubborn about that stupid coolkid thing
GG: doesnt he realize that we all know hes pretty much full of shit??? :P
EB: haha!
EB: maybe not!
EB: i don’t know, i think he’s pretty cool.
EB: i still don’t get the whole irony thing, but whatever.
GG: its probably not something you want to understand anyways!!
GG: but do you think youll wait until dave actually gets there to let the cat out of the bag???
EB: hm.
EB: i feel like i might want to give dad a little more heads up than that, haha.
GG: yeeeeah thats probably a good idea
GG: dont want to give dad a panic attack now!!
EB: oh man, that would be the worst!
EB: i don’t think i’d be able to live with myself if i gave my dad a panic attack.
GG: thats why you gotta tell him asap!!!
EB: but when?
GG: idk john its not like im your secretary!! :P
EB: pfft.
GG: well what are you doing now?
EB: just eating some cereal.
GG: is today gonna be reeeeally busy??
EB: compared to the rest of my schedule for the past week, not particularly.
EB: i have a meeting with my attorney, i’m going to a queer resource center in seattle to learn more about the issues, and this silly counseling appointment that my attorney is making me do.
GG: counseling?? :(
EB: yeah, for what happened and stuff.
EB: having counseling is proof that the event upset or traumatized me or something.
GG: like you would need counseling to prove that!!!!!! D:
EB: no kidding!
EB: oh no jury i was totally cool with getting beat up, no big deal.
GG: hehehe
GG: i bet your counselor isnt as good as rose!!!
EB: not by a longshot!
EB: rose has been waaaaaaaay more helpful to me for pretty much ever.
GG: her tentacles are scary but she sure is good at figuring out what youre thinking and using it for good
GG: unless youre dave then she uses it for evil!!
EB: hahaha!
EB: well what, jade are you saying that you’ve needed rose’s help recently?
EB: is everything okay?
GG: hehehe everything is great!! :D
GG: a while ago i was having pretty weird dreams that sort of had to do with the game
EB: oh, do you get the nightmares, too?
GG: :/ no
GG: what nightmares???
EB: oh, uh.
EB: hehe, it’s nothing! just one of those weird rare occurrences.
EB: definitely.
GG: i dont knooow something seems a little fishy here john!!
EB: shh jade we were talking about you, remember?
GG: whatever john!!
GG: but fine
GG: i was just having these weird dreams a lot and feferi was in them!!!!
EB: oh, really? that’s weird.
GG: hehe i guess so
GG: anyways when i told rose we did the whole feelings jam and she gave me lots of good advice and now i dont really have them anymore!!
EB: that’s good, i guess!
EB: were they bad dreams, then?
GG: not bad really
GG: just kinda sad :’)
GG: anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!
GG: if you arent super busy today why not just tell your dad right now??
EB: well
EB: i guess i could do that...
GG: do it do it do it :D
EB: oh boy, he just came into the kitchen.
EB: wish me luck!
GG: good luck!!!!!!! <3

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

He shoved his PDA in his pocket and glanced up at his dad nervously. Dad, of course, was busy placing some just-finished cookies on the rack to cool. John gulped.

“Uh, hey, dad?” he asked, trying his best to look at him and not really managing it.

“What’s up, son?”
He watched the swirls of cinnamon dance around in the bowl of milk and cinnamon toast crunch remains and sort of wished he’d already taken his Xanax because this was really nerve-racking!

“Um, hehe, I think… I might have something to tell you, maybe?”

There was silence for so long that John had to look up, merely to see his dad leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, giving him the most amused look. “Sure about that, son? I think you ought to think about it a little more, maybe. You might want to be positive about it first.”

John stared at him in mild shock for a good many seconds before shooting back, more than a little surprise showing in his tone, “Woah, dad, when did you learn how to sarcasm?” Dad grinned.

“I just figured since Dave will be here soon, it might be good for me to hone up on my skills. He’s the sarcastic one, right? Or is that Rose? I’m never quite sure, the two are so alike.”

It took a second for those words to really sink in, and when they did John burst into laughter, almost falling out of his chair. Dad, highly entertained by his son’s reaction, joined in, and soon they were both gasping for breath and wiping tears from their eyes.

“Oh man, dad. I don’t know if I should tell them you said that or keep it as the biggest secret we’ll ever have. Seriously, that has to be the best thing you’ve ever said.”

“I certainly hope not!” Dad exclaimed as he walked over to the table, ruffling John’s hair a little as he sat down across from him with his own bowl of cereal. “Anyways, I didn’t mean to distract from what you had to say! What’s on your mind, son?”

Immediately John’s gaze returned to his bowl, and he fidgeted. Okay. Okay. I’m just going to say it!

“So would you be angry if I was maybe dating someone?”

He jumped at the sound of his dad’s bowl clinking where he dropped his spoon, and looked up with a bright red face to see Dad staring at him, mouth agape. “Not that – I am, necessarily…! Well that isn’t – exactly true, I mean I sort of am actually, but I just don’t want you to be angry because it’s not like it’s some random guy or anything, I’ve actually maybe been in love with him for several years now and, uh…”

John trailed off when he noticed that Dad’s expression had melted from shocked to understanding. And not sympathetic understanding, more like “I know exactly what’s going on” understanding. John gulped again and only waited a few seconds before Dad replied slyly, “So, I’ll be meeting him in three days, I imagine?”

As if John wasn’t blushing enough to begin with, he turned about ten different shades of red at his father’s question, and abruptly stood, suddenly pulsing with so much adrenaline that he couldn’t make himself sit still. “It’s been five days since it happened and I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you but you were so stressed and we were both really busy and I didn’t want to give you a hernia or something because I’m already causing you enough trouble as it is a-and –” Dad reached up and grabbed his hand, so John stopped talking, still unable to look him in the eyes.

“Sit,” Dad said gently, and John did so. “Son, first of all, do you really feel that way? That you’re just causing me trouble?” His inquisitive stare bore so strongly into him that John couldn’t help but look up, and saw immediately that it wasn’t just curiosity; there was a very deep feeling of concern there that caused an awful guilt to twist around in John’s stomach. “Maybe you don’t remember this since it was so late and you were still feeling so weak, but you mentioned something like that before when we were in the hospital. I didn’t think much of it at the time since you were understandably hysterical, but… John, you know that I will never in my life consider you a burden, don’t you?” He squeezed his hand, and John realized that his own body was shaking a little. “You are my son and I will do anything for you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” he responded softly after a few moments, still holding his father’s hand but resting his forehead against the table, his words muffled into it. “I guess I just worry. Isn’t it bad enough that you have a gay son who got beaten up? And there’re the court dates and the constant media attention, and now all of a sudden I’m dating a guy for the first time…”

“John, I’m going to say this once and hopefully it won’t have to be said again: your sexuality is not a burden, not in the slightest. You are who you are, and that is a kind, clever, talented young man. I am lucky to have a son as intelligent as you, and who you love doesn’t change that in the slightest. What happened to you was unfortunate, but it wasn’t your fault, and I don’t consider standing up for my son’s rights a burden either. As for Dave,” he continued, tone showing his amusement when John sat upright, his hold on his father’s hand tightening a little as he held his breath, “I have to say I’m not entirely surprised. I don’t appreciate his sailor mouth, and I have some problems with the way he’s been raised… But I know that Dave is a good kid, that he cares about you, and I trust the both of you to be responsible.”

The explosive outburst of breath John released made Dad laugh. But his relief was put into sharp perspective when Dad continued, “But John, as your father I’m going to have to ask that, while Dave is here, you sleep out on the couch, or at least on the floor. I don’t mind if you two are together all the time, and obviously I’ll turn a blind eye to kissing” (here John’s blush returned with full force) “and other things, but I would be uncomfortable with you sharing a bed knowing that there are romantic feelings involved.”

Despite the intensely concentrated feeling of disappointment that dropped into his stomach like a cinderblock, John nodded and said, “Of course, dad. That’s totally fair.”

The phone started ringing, and John and his father shared a small smile before John stood to return his bowl to the dishwasher, leaving Dad to answer it. “Hello? Carolyn, what’s…”

John tensed at the worried tone of his father’s voice and paused over the dishwasher to turn and look at him, but immediately sort of wished he hadn’t. Dad’s expression was so broken, so tired, and suddenly John didn’t think he had it in him to hear more bad news.

In little more than a whisper, Dad said, “Alright. We’ll be there as soon as possible.”

-

Almost as if it had never happened, the bright, sunny weather disappeared behind a thick layer of clouds, much in Washingtonian fashion. John stared at them through the window of his father’s car as they drove into Maple Valley’s small intercity district.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he assured, trying to avoid looking at his reflection in the glass. “This is just a minor setback. I’ll work extra hard with the media, and when Dave gets here I’m sure he’ll help me prepare… As long as my friends and family support me, there’s no way I can lose. Don’t you think?”

Neither of them looked at each other, but after a moment John could feel his father’s hand ruffling his hair. He tried to believe his own words as enthusiastically as he’d spoken them.

-

-– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: uh, hey dave...
EB: sorry to bother you on your phone, you're probably busy!
TG: what no
TG: since we last talked ive pretty much been sat on my ass constantly
TG: ive been reduced to little more than a jellied puddle of atrophied muscles and screen-strained optic nerves
TG: least my fingers still work
TG: anyway sup
EB: oh, uh, i guess that means you are being good and staying inside like you said you would!
EB: don't worry, we will unjelly you when you get here.
TG: see now i feel like a puppy
TG: ill anticipate it
TG: how are things over on your end
EB: pfft, maybe you are a puppy!
EB: actually maybe we shouldn't go that route, i don't want you thinking it's an excuse to start peeing on the carpet. hehe.
TG: my toilet habits are my business
TG: but yeah ever since bro fitted me with a flea collar theres been nothing to worry about
TG: ugh tv nowadays sucks gratuitous amount of monkey dick how do people stand sitting around watching this all day
EB: haha why don't you just play video games?
TG: uh
TG: i
TG: could
TG: i guess
EB: pfft! dave, you are silly.
EB: maybe we can play something on xbox live together when i get home?
TG: yeah look just
TG: i
TG: heh this is dumb but im not in the mood for videogames today
TG: alert the media i guess im maturing
EB: huh? really??
TG: yeah
TG: just woke up and thought hey you know what if i never play another videogame in my life
TG: that would be a thing i was okay with
TG: set that up in the list of pandimensional reality commandments
EB: oh...
EB: well, okay.
EB: i guess we don't have to do all night video games when you get here, then...
TG: yeah idk
TG: i just had a really fucked up dream is all
EB: what?
EB: what happened?
TG: it was concerning that last big mmo we all played together and how it was responsible for all of us dying at least once
EB: oh.
EB: uh, i guess i could've figured...
TG: look im fine ok its not a big deal in fact i would go so far as to describe it as a miniscule deal
TG: something that barely constitutes as the definition of deal at all
EB: even though it's making you want to not play video games which is like one of your favorite things to do?
TG: shut up
TG: ok if you have to know i dreamed about dying again
TG: and all that glitched-up reality matrix that came afterwards
TG: with the tentacles and the dark and the mouths with teeth and the reliving lots of dumb shit over and over
TG: it wasnt a good dream
TG: anyway tell me where you are
TG: you have a graphic mental image of me congealing in my own clothes in front of a tv screen
TG: i demand that you return the favor
EB: dave, was that nightmare just a weird, fluke thing? or is that something that happens a lot?
TG: it happens sometimes
TG: john
TG: where
TG: are
TG: you
EB: i'm just at carolyn's office like i usually am at this time of day!
EB: just sometimes? are they always that bad?
TG: what so you have to see her every day
TG: look theyre not a big deal
TG: reading comprehension egbert
TG: you appear to have forgotten it
TG: see that huge block of text up there about how fine i am and how its all cool
EB: i'm not stupid. i understood it just fine and i knew it was complete bullshit.
EB: you're freaked out enough by it that you can't even stomach video games, bro.
EB: how is that fine?
TG: leave me alone
TG: its
TG: look nvm can we not talk about this now
TG: john
EB: i'm just
EB: confused, i guess.
TG: whats there to be confused about
TG: i had a dream about a really stupid game we once played together for some godforsaken reason that was all mapped out in the stars
TG: the dream sucked
TG: i wake up and figure hey you know what
TG: i dont want to be reminded of videogames right now
TG: that is pretty much all there is to it
TG: simple
EB: i
EB: get them too...
TG: you do
EB: yeah.
TG: what
TG: i mean i figured rose was gettin them but
TG: shit we need to join a club or something
TG: are there 12-step programs for sburb ptsd
TG: hey my names larry i was the douche of space and i have nightmares about all those monotonous hours collecting frogs
TG: oh thats nothing i was the time hero of my session
TG: pretty much 48x the play time
EB: dave, the reason i'm confused
EB: is that i get them too, and sometimes they can be pretty bad!
EB: but i've never woken up from one and been unable to play video games.
EB: so i guess i just don't get why you can't just talk to me about it.
EB: ...unless it being so bad is the reason.
TG: i dont like being reminded of exactly how little i mattered in the grand scheme of things and how i failed at protecting pretty much everything i cared about
TG: now that were done
TG: on that topic
TG: seriously how are things going with you
TG: youre being cagey
EB: you did matter.
TG: my biggest contribution was the me from another timeline who stopped you getting killed
TG: look
TG: not
TG: in the mood
TG: id rather talk about whatever this is that im watching
TG: wait no its dr phil nix that
EB: you helped jade with the frogs, and that was really important.
EB: you're the only one who tried to save rose when...
TG: john
TG: we can talk about this
TG: but
TG: can it be in person
TG: ...
TG: please
EB: yeah.
EB: that's
EB: that's fine.
TG: thanks
EB: shit, hold on. my dad...

"Son?"

John looked up from his PDA and tried to get ahold of himself.

"Uh, yeah?" Dad gave him a worried look.

"You look like you're about to cry, John," he said quietly. "Is that Dave you're talking to? Is everything alright?"

Carolyn glanced up from her phone call and John tried to avoid her eyes almost as hard as he tried to shake himself out of it. He really needed to remember to not talk about sburb when he was in public...

"Oh, no. I mean, yeah, it's Dave, but everything's fine! Why would I be about to cry? We're just talking about video games and stuff." He stood, almost tripping over his chair in the process. "I'm pretty hungry, actually! I'll run next door and get something from that Subway. Dad, Carolyn, do you guys want anything?"

Dad scrutinized him for a long moment before finally releasing a sigh and nodding. "No, son. I'm fine. Please try to come right back."

John turned to his attorney. "Carolyn?"

She shook her head and continued her phone conversation.

John left the room as quickly as he could without it looking like he was trying to escape.

TG: your dads there too
TG: wait
TG: why is your dad there
TG: john whats up
TG: ...
TG: john???
TG: god this is less of a conversation and more a sequence of unpleasant occurrences that happen to be tenuously related
TG: that neither of us wants to talk about
TG: and now youre not even answering
TG: john are you ok
TG: long silence means yes smiley face for no
TG: this is beginning to be considered by the entire panel of judges as a long silence
TG: i dont know how long i can stall them
TG: john
EB: sheesh, dave! you are such a worry-wart.
TG: im not worried im annoyed god cant you tell the difference
EB: oh...
EB: i guess not.
EB: sorry.
TG: im over it
TG: whys your dad there
EB: he's always at my meetings with the attorney unless he absolutely has to be at work.
TG: is this an important meeting
TG: whats going on
TG: clue me in
EB: no, it's not
EB: particularly important.
TG: particularly he says
TG: my interest doth rouse itself
TG: cmon dude whats going on over there
EB: it's nothing, really!
EB: besides, why would i be texting during an important meeting?
EB: that is just silly.
TG: idk
TG: same reason how after i woke up ive been signed into pesterchum
TG: waiting for some dorky shit with blue text to log on
TG: john
TG: youd tell me if somethin was up right
TG: idk i get the feeling that you and jade are actually way better at figuring shit out
TG: whereas for me if you tell me youre fine most of the time im inclined to buy it
TG: so
TG: yeah if you would help me figure out when things are less than fine
TG: thatd be appreciated
EB: i don't
EB: want to admit that something's wrong.
EB: i know you always call me a hero and stuff, but i don't think i can handle this.
EB: maybe if i just
EB: pretend that everything's the same as usual, it'll all really be okay.
EB: besides!
EB: i know that if i just keep working hard it won't even matter!
EB: having my dad and you and rose and jade looking out for me is enough!
EB: so no there's
EB: there's nothing wrong.
TG: wow
TG: that
TG: youre actually knocking me off my pedestal as the crowned prince of horseshit
TG: hey heres a thought
TG: maybe looking out for you is like this umbrella term
TG: that includes us wanting to know when it all gets too much
TG: and when i say us
TG: i mean especially me
EB: but if i don't think about it then it's not too much it's just... a thing that is there.
EB: so i will just
EB: not think about it.
EB: um, hold on i am ordering a sandwich at subway...
TG: classy
TG: look john im not exactly a pro at offering up bullshit child psychology thats always been roses thing
TG: but maybe we can add this to the list of shit we need to discuss irl
TG: might help
TG: js
EB: there is nothing to talk about, really.
TG: yeah thats paradoxically the thing that needs talking about
EB: i don't understand??
TG: how you think theres nothing to
TG: yknow what
TG: im lost too
TG: lets
TG: just clear that to one side
TG: i mean i guess well have plenty of time to talk about it in less than 48 hours
EB: yes, this is true! i still don't get what has to be talked about, but i am really happy that day count is slowly going down!
EB: though i hate to add to it, it's kinda more like sixty hours.
EB: but close enough!
TG: shush im good at math
EB: pfft yeah mr. straight a student. :P
TG: anyway the point here is that
TG: regardless of how many awkward topics were accumulating for discussion at a later date
TG: im really looking forward to having them
TG: sort of
TG: ugh
EB: dave...
TG: shh im being romantic and suave
EB: pfft, yeah totally.
EB: but, well
EB: oh man, i don't want to get sap on you again because i know it's gross.
EB: i really love you, though.
TG: maybe its not that gross
TG: maybe its nice being told every now and then
TG: like nicer than i let on
TG: anyway this is getting dangerously close to me being sentimental and gross so lets
TG: cut off
TG: gotta draw the line somewhere
EB: i
EB: guess so...
TG: fwiw i love you too
TG: sorry im still unused to this sincerity gig
TG: its not easy
EB: i know.
EB: i appreciate that you even try for me, dave.
EB: just don't feel like you have to push yourself. i've loved you all this time regardless of how difficult it is to drop the whole coolkid thing, so...
EB: that's not gonna change!
TG: well
TG: thanks for putting up with it
TG: is what i guess i want to say
TG: i mean on top of everything else youre goin through youre humoring my bullshit
TG: worthy of a high five
TG: remind me to give you one soon as i get to washington k
EB: ...just a high five?
EB: hehe.
TG: well
TG: consider it as a precursor
TG: the opening act if you will
EB: alright, i guess that will just have to do. :P
TG: look im no seer but i predict theres gonna be increasingly depraved acts of mackery in your future
TG: depends how much i can get away with in front of your old man
EB: gotta say i am looking forward to that!
EB: but, oh man! that totally reminds me.
EB: so, dad sort of... banned us from being in the same bed together.
EB: oh yeah! i told my dad that we're dating, by the way, haha.
TG: wait he what
TG: oh
TG: uh
TG: i guess
TG: thats cool
EB: well on the bright side, dad is totally cool about it!
EB: i think he really likes you, dave. :)
EB: oh and i guess maybe that came off a little more harsh than it was meant.
EB: like, we can be in the same bed!
EB: we just can't SLEEP in the same bed.
EB: so he asked me to sleep on the couch.
EB: but i will probably just end up sleeping on the floor.
TG: well im cool with your dad too but
TG: what does he think if im in bed with you that my arms will reach out of their own accord and
TG: ok lets not go down this alley
TG: way i figure it i should take the couch
TG: youre the one working yourself to death you should be able to crash out in your own bed
EB: what? no way!
EB: you are the guest obviously it is your job to take the bed.
EB: and i mean, that isn't to say
EB: that maybe, i might sneak in with you
EB: maybe.
TG: gasp
TG: john egbert ruledodging on my behalf
TG: be still my fluttering heart
TG: no but thatd be nice
TG: uh
TG: and just to be clear thats not because i want to ravage you
TG: not that i dont want
TG: ok i really need to get out of the house more its not just my muscles that are atrophying
EB: uh.
TG: basically you sneaking in with me would be a good thing it doesnt need to be expanded upon any further than that
EB: well, that is
EB: i mean, maybe i am just reading too much into this but
EB: um, it seems kind of
EB: if you're following up that you don't want to, well.
EB: but i guess what i'm trying to say is maybe do you want to??
TG: do i want to
TG: there is a crucial verb missing here
TG: even if that verb is a vague euphemism
EB: um!
EB: well maybe i am just wondering if sometime you'd want to do
EB: more
EB: than just kissing........
EB: oh god you are taking a really long time to respond.
EB: shit maybe i should..leave...
TG: no
TG: im just
TG: uh
TG: i
TG: yeah of course i do
TG: i mean fuck dude what do you take me for
TG: seriously you are just gonna lie there and be kissed and im gonna pull all these awesome moves on you and youre gonna be so fuckin seduced itll be like a hundred old spice commercials distilled
TG: thats how its gonna go down so
TG: be ready
EB: um. wow! i bet you will just be so smooth.
EB: yeah.
EB: eheh...
EB: but it sounds kind of lame if i'm just lying there!
EB: and also i, uh.
EB: well, i don't think i am necessarily ready to
EB: uh!!
EB: but if we're just lying together and kissing maybe i would like touching also??
TG: you dont have to lie there
TG: i mean part of the plan is to reduce you to this weak needy mess beneath my talented fingers
TG: but
TG: yeah ok we can hold off on the intense shit
TG: just touching would be nice
EB: oh boy the people sitting across from me are looking at me really weird!
EB: i think i might be
EB: blushing a little...
TG: cute
EB: no way!
EB: shit, i'm leaving this is too embarrassing to talk about when i'm around all these people...
EB: but dave are you really
EB: that talented?
EB: you haven’t...done that kind of stuff before, right?
TG: well
TG: i mean cmon pretty much everyone knows how this shit goes right
TG: and im just generally fantastic at everything i put my hand to
EB: oh!
EB: uh
EB: yeah, totally!
TG: so youre in capable hands just trust me
EB: i do!
EB: same to you, though! i bet i can seduce the shit out of you right back, probably!
TG: steady on there junior lets take this slow
EB: what?
EB: why are you the only one allowed to do the seducing?
TG: because
TG: because fuck you
TG: fuck you is why
EB: that is a stupid reason!
EB: i bet i am very good at it!
TG: ok im giving you a free pass to attempt to seduce me
TG: along with a healthy dose of good luck
TG: which you will need
EB: i will not need any of your luck!
EB: trust me, i am going to be awesome and you will not be able to resist.
TG: heh
TG: well i guess well see about that
EB: yeah.
EB: we will
EB: definitely see about that.
EB: uh, hehe.
TG: lookin forward to it kid
EB: good!
EB: well, i need to get back to that meeting with my attorney.
EB: i'll probably be on the computer later tonight!
TG: ill wait up for you dude
EB: um, thanks.
TG: seriously dont strain yourself too hard at that meeting ok
EB: i will try!
EB: but, well
EB: talking to you has already made everything better, so i am not worried.
EB: i love you.

-– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

John stuffed his PDA back in his pocket quickly as he walked back into the firm. Somehow, awkward admissions of love after even more awkward admissions of wanting to have sex were really, really embarrassing.

Holy shit we just agreed to have sex.

His knees did a wobbly thing and suddenly it was all he could do to walk without fumbling to the ground in a mess of nerves and disbelieving anticipation. What if he is actually really awesome at that stuff and I just embarrass myself oh man I can’t believe this is happening how long are we gonna have to wait to do that stuff when would be too soon I don’t know how this stuff works—!

“Hey, John, you okay?” one of the other lawyers in the firm asked. John looked at him and realized that he was definitely leaning against the wall like he was having trouble walking. “Oh, you look pretty feverish, John. Where’s your dad? I heard about what happened, and I know Carolyn likes working you to the bone, but maybe you should go home if you aren’t feeling well?”

“Uh, haha! No, no way, I am not sick! I am great. I am super great! I just got some food and now I am going back to Carolyn’s office!” Why is my voice so high-pitched. Why am I so dumb. Why, why, why…

The lawyer gave him a pretty weird look but finally shrugged. “Alright, whatever you say. Don’t work too hard, hey?” he said as he walked off.

John hurried back to Carolyn’s office before he managed to embarrass himself any further.

Sitting back down, however, quickly depressed his awkward high. Carolyn’s tiny television blared the news on her desk, and as Chris Garn, Garrett Johnson, and George Morris sat with the news reporter, it dawned on John that he never had told Dave. Maybe that was for the best.

“Is it true,” the news reporter asked, her voice somewhat distorted through the old television speakers, “that all three of you intend to join Daniel Harlen in pleading not guilty to your charge of the assault of John Egbert?”
Garrett didn’t stop to consider. He said, “Yes.” The other two nodded.

John’s mouth suddenly felt very dry, his stomach a cold mass of hurt and confusion and helplessness, and he reached for his PDA without even thinking. All that went through his mind is he needed something, anything to latch onto, to convince him that he wasn’t going to collapse under the weight of this thing that was much, much larger than him.

The familiar red text met his eyes, and he breathed out a shaky sigh.

TG: i love you too man
TG: seriously if it gets too tough in there just imagine the righteous hugbump im gonna bestow your skinny ass
TG: heh guess youre already gone but w/e
TG: knock em dead kid

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

John did himself a favor and imagined the righteous hugbump Dave was going to bestow his skinny ass, then carefully stowed his phone back in his pocket and focused on the television screen.

Notes:

i just wanted to add right quick something that vector and i have discussed... you all are free to interpret these characterizations however you want, but from vec's and my perspective, dave is NOT actually cool, or suave, or smooth, or any of these things. he has absolutely no clue about sex, let alone sex with another dude. he does this thing in canon as well as at other times during this fic, where when he is nervous or upset in some way, he will ramble. him saying "oh john i'm gonna lay all these sweet moves on you" is him trying to seem like he knows what he's doing out of some misplaced sense of strider pride than anything else. what was actually going through his head as he said those things was, via vector: "oh my fuck i dont know how to use condoms do you think itll be obvious oh my god how do you even have sex with a guy properly." dave was really blushing just as much as john! they're both just...awkward teenagers in love. that is all.

Chapter 10: Strider Tears

Notes:

sorry this took so long! vec and i are back in business. the aside at the end is written entirely by her.

When John and Dad finally returned home, it was later than usual. They had ended up having to call Eric Reading to Carolyn’s office to begin sorting out the mess that had just become their case.

John had been told from day one that the likelihood of him losing the case was so small that he shouldn’t bother considering it. That was before Daniel made a public claim of his intentions. At that point, John was warned to be wary, and to always make sure to keep his story straight. However, even with Daniel pleading not guilty, as long as the other three boys still planned to plead guilty, there was no way an entire jury could be convinced of his supposed innocence. However, now that all four boys had decided to join together in opposition of John, whatever they were planning on arguing became much stronger.

Meetings were arranged with Daniel, Garrett, George, Chris, and their respective families, which would all be held the next day. Perhaps some civil discourse can persuade them, Carolyn had proposed, and John was going to try his hardest to do just that. Part of him knew, though, that it was futile. He could see in their faces that they had no intention of turning back.

They both plopped into the kitchen to share a piece of cake, and while John rested his chin on the table and moved the icing around the plate with his fork, Dad checked their home phone’s messages. The first two were business partners relaying new information and asking a few questions regarding company stock. Dad deleted them (as he had already responded to these via PDA), and waited for the last one, undoubtedly another business message. Instead, the voice that ripped through their kitchen was completely unrecognizable, except for the awful words it produced:

“Go to hell, you fucking faggot!”

The silence that followed was thick, and Dad and John didn’t look at each other for several minutes, both suffering their own forms of shock. When John finally abruptly stood up and made for the door, Dad called his name quietly. But John merely hid his face, the blotchiness of his skin and the trembling of his lip and said, “I’m going to bed.” He absconded quickly before Dad could say anything more.

He thanked God (or Karkat, he wasn’t sure which was more accurate) that Dave had waited up like he said he would.

-– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: ding dong
TG: as i understand it you ordered a wholesome serving of radtacular broslice
TG: thatll be $9.95
EB: dave, i don’t think i can do this anymore.
TG: huh are you okay
TG: what happened
TG: did something go down after i got done talking to you
TG: i mean when you say you cant do ‘this’ what are referring to
TG: its a crucial this
TG: am i putting undue strain on you cause i can ease up
TG: i mean i can make some attempt to stop my gums flapping looser than a two dollar hooker
TG: cant guarantee itll work
TG: wait am i making this worse
TG: shit sorry
TG: john whats wrong
EB: you know when i said earlier that i didn’t want to talk about it because if i ignored it maybe everything would be okay?
TG: ...yes
EB: that didn’t really work.
TG: yeah i had a hunch that
TG: it might go down like that
TG: do you feel like talking about it now or
EB: they're all pleading not guilty.
EB: all four of them decided to fight me in court.
TG: wait what so did that one dbag contaminate the rest of them
TG: fuckin
TG: wow i would make ineffectual violent threats but it just highlights how the only thing in my power rn is to send them links to gore picspams
TG: actually i dont know their email addresses so i dont even have that
TG: is that what your meeting today was about
EB: yes...
EB: i'm sorry i didn't say anything.
EB: i thought if i avoided it maybe...
TG: look its ok im not mad
TG: but eugh
TG: ok right so this is the farthest thing from ideal but hey on the bright side it means that theyre gonna get a higher sentence if justice is served which
TG: according to my past deathtrap lawyer sources
TG: is a thing that sometimes happens
TG: i mean admittedly my only deathtrap lawyer source was a salivating knife-grinned lunatic who ate chalk and lived on fuckin mars or something but
EB: hehe.
EB: yeah, you're probably right.
TG: illequipped as she was to deal with anything remotely fuckin relevant i kinda wish i could talk to her right now
TG: i dont know the first thing about law or hate crimes or anything that would prove useful here
TG: and as endearingly saccharine as internet backpats and 'i got your back bro's are
TG: i just wish i could
TG: idk
EB: hey, terezi probably doesn't know much about earth hate crimes either.
EB: and don't worry, you're honestly doing enough by just talking to me.
TG: why does it fucking matter who you want to stick your junk into
TG: i didnt realize it was such a personal affront to your average john smith out on the street
TG: why is it any of their business
TG: how come youre taking the fall and stressing yourself and taking meds just because some assholes took issue with your leanings for cock
TG: pisses me off
EB: i wish i could just be normal.
TG: look john you could fill the landfills of bombay with shit about you that isnt normal
TG: like who doesnt like cake what the fuck
TG: you seriously watched mac and me and didnt projectile vomit at the screen
TG: no sir you did one better and bought a poster of that bad boy and put it up in your room so you could observe its fetid mediocrity every time you scrubbed the gunk from your waking eyes
TG: but the fact you want to fall in love with a dude and make out with them and possibly touch their junk
TG: idk what the fuck about that is so abnormal
TG: tigers do it
TG: gay tigers exist
TG: not your fault that human society at large is years behind on this memo
TG: and im aware how hilarious this is coming from a dude who resisted the prying analytical remarks of one snarky horseshit-peddler lalonde but
TG: seriously
TG: youre not the one whos wrong here ok
TG: how can you be abnormal for being in love with someone thats moronic
TG: and wow im doing excellently on this score of not talking bullshit i see
TG: ill shut up
EB: no you...
EB: maybe you're right.
EB: i just
EB: there was a message waiting for me when i got home
EB: saying "go to hell you fucking faggot."
EB: and i know that i'm expected to be the hero and everything but,
EB: it's hard to forget that so many people out there hate me for who i love.
EB: it's stupid, but i just don't know what to do.
TG: wow allow me to bestow the champion piece of shit award to that particular chunk of rat smegma
TG: i hope they feel validated in their decisions to make unassuming kids feel like shit over something that has precisely fuck all to do with them
TG: uh look idk if this is any consolation whatsoever but
TG: societys taking its baby steps right now yeah
TG: towards being something that doesnt scarf down on a cheery helping of dick
TG: i mean progress is happening
TG: and youre helping that progress along by being amazing and getting your egbertian brand of skylark dust everywhere
EB: i...
EB: i want there to be progress.
EB: but what if i can't do it? i'm starting to feel like this is too much for me.
TG: then you can stop
TG: whatever i dont give a shit
TG: maybe itd even be better for you to stop
TG: i have a feeling itd have way fewer assholes riding your ass
TG: but
TG: i dunno i get the feeling you dont want to stop
TG: out of your weird sense of commitment to being an all around good guy
TG: whatever you wanna do though ill be here
TG: whatever thats worth
EB: it's worth a lot.
EB: you're probably right.
EB: i'm really upset right now and think that if i never went to the law firm and never saw another interviewer again i would be totally okay with it.
EB: but when it comes down to it, i don't think i can bring myself to stop.
EB: and i guess
EB: knowing that you're there for me either way makes it seem a little better.
TG: yeah tbh it seems like this stuffs doing a number on you
TG: understandably
TG: but hey
TG: youre not alone ok
EB: thank you.
EB: dave, i really appreciate you. i hope you know that.
TG: fuck who doesnt appreciate this sizzling hunk of raw sex appeal
TG: ...
TG: but yeah i
TG: i appreciate you too
TG: youre doing great ok
TG: and hey its not so long now
EB: i feel like i say this every time we talk but
EB: two days is way too long, haha.
TG: true that
TG: god i cant wait to get out of this apartment btw
EB: yeah, you've been hanging out there for a while, haven't you?
EB: that does make me feel really relieved all things considered, but it does suck that you can't really go outside. :(
TG: you dont even know the half of it
TG: i mean bro gets it and he doesnt get it all at the same time
TG: keeps making these digs at how he thought that never-leaving-the-computer phase died once i hit 14
EB: oh right.
EB: you haven't told him what happened...
EB: i understand why you can't, but i still really wish you would.
TG: like i said
TG: after i come back ok
TG: i promise
TG: even though hell fly off the handle like a tool
EB: not like a tool!
EB: he has every right to fly off the handle.
EB: i'm really worried about you, and i think it's good that he is too!
TG: meh no point in worrying i can handle it
EB: dave, you are being silly and stubborn again.
TG: im being truthful is whats up
EB: you are the most stubborn! it is you.
EB: and i'm not going to stop worrying, so there!
TG: yeah well
TG: kinda wish you wouldnt
TG: got enough on your plate as it is over there
EB: it doesn't matter what i have on my plate!
EB: you're more important to me than anything that may be on my plate at the moment.
TG: im wiping a single tear from my eye
TG: strider tears are a precious commodity btw
TG: look em up on ebay
EB: you are definitely avoiding the subject.
EB: i don't know why you're so adamant about me not worrying about you since you've been doing nothing but worry about me for the past couple weeks!
EB: you don't think
EB: you have to be ashamed of what happened, do you?
TG: ...
TG: hahahahahahahahaha
TG: why would i be
TG: oh man thats a good one
EB: well, i don't know.
EB: i don't think you should be because you have nothing to be ashamed of!
EB: um, i think you are probably just clinging to that coolkid mask right now with all of the energy you can muster.
EB: but regardless i want you to know that you can talk to me about this.
EB: in fact, i really wish you would.
EB: especially if you aren't going to talk to anyone else.
TG: ok whatever
TG: maybe it messed me up badly who gives a shit
TG: how about we make a lifetime movie about my struggles coming to terms with some dude pawing my goods
TG: adve strider: tough enough to go through a game that obliterated the known universe but cant handle some crotchjockey getting too close to his grill
EB: so if we go by your logic how about john egbert: strong enough to go through a game that obliterated the known universe but can't handle a little court case.
EB: i know that society makes it out that only girls can get sexually assaulted, but that's not true and it doesn't make it any less horrible when it happens to a guy.
TG: yeah wekll
TG: im meant to be made of tougher stuff than that
EB: you aren't meant to be anything but human.
EB: no one should have to deal with being violated like you were, and you aren't less tough or anything for being affected by it.
TG: itd be nice to believe that
EB: why can't you believe it?
TG: reasons
EB: dave.
TG: look bro may have provenb recently to have not been a complete sack of shit
TG: but lets just put it this way
TG: when you get raised with a code thats based around not looking like a chijjckenshit rookie sometimes you
TG: ok no im not getting into this on a cht client that happens enough with lalone
EB: i know that this is hard for you.
EB: rose does enough prying for all of us and i don't want to make you uncomfortable.
EB: but maybe you'll let me try to start convincing you that it's okay to feel things?
EB: and maybe that showing your emotions doesn't have to be a bad thing?
EB: i mean, come on, it’s not like you’re fooling anyone. you are making way too many typos for that.
EB: like, at least four in that last set of lines!
TG: yeah
TG: maybe
TG: im gonna brb and draw some shit for a while k
EB: oh...
EB: um, okay.
EB: i'll try not to fall asleep while you're gone!
EB: i love you, dave.
TG: hey you know something funny
TG: i love you too
TG: a lot
TG: so yeah sorry youve gotta put up with my dumb ass
EB: hehe. i love your dumb ass and will put up with it forever, okay? and don't you forget it.
TG: thnx

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

John watched as Dave’s status jumped to offline almost as soon as his last word appeared on the screen, and leaned back a little, deciding to take his glasses off so he could gently wipe his eyes. Had he done something wrong? It had been a while since he’d seen Dave so subdued.

He sat at the computer for a while, looking at random blogs and youtube videos, and soon enough an hour had passed and John’s eyes were starting to droop, his eyesight going fuzzy. Dave still hadn’t returned from “being right back.” Tomorrow was going to be long with conferences and he was already exhausted with what he’d gone through that day. But he’d promised to try not to fall asleep…

A half hour passed and John awoke with a start, not even having realized he’d drifted off. Dave was still nowhere to be seen.

Finally deciding to give up, John’s fingers flopped over the keyboard with a messy “davee i am realyh tird im’ sorry but iam goign t obed i love you nihgt” and stumbled over to his bed. Before he realized what he was doing, he reached for his phone and was texting Rose.

EB: i think i emsed up rose
EB: dave is proabby angry at e for prying
TT: John, have you been consuming alcohol at any point in the past couple hours?
EB: waht
EB: no!!
EB: i am realy tired ok.
TT: Perhaps you should consider saving this conversation for a time when you are feeling somewhat more conscious.
EB: but i m juts so worrried. he is so great and i wishhe woudl nto force hi mself to alwys preetnd to be all touhg and strong. TT: It is natural to worry, but I highly doubt you have done anything to upset him.
TT: While your version of prying certainly does not have nearly as successful results as mine do, I am positive that yours managed to instill a much deeper level of thought-provoking confusion.
TT: I don’t feel it is really my place to disclose information from any of our many sessions, but you should know that regardless of what it may seem, Dave is trying very hard to open up to you.
TT: It is just an unfortunate fact of life that he is rather emotionally stunted.
TT: You shouldn’t worry, however. He will come around with time.
TT: Just continue being your sunny, take-no-prisoners-with-kindness self. The more you attack him with love and affection, the less he will be able to put up resistance.
TT: ...
TT: John?
TT: I suppose you have fallen asleep.
TT: Good luck tomorrow, John.

-

“Are you going to be alright?”

John stood outside of the conference room with his father and Carolyn. Even with the Xanax he felt a little shaky, but he nodded regardless. Too much was riding on this meeting to make them worry about him unnecessarily.

Dad squeezed his shoulder lightly as Carolyn opened the door, and within seconds he was faced with the monsters from his most recent nightmares. He swallowed heavily and plastered on his winning Egdork smile before taking his seat.

While Carolyn and the other boys’ attorney made some opening remarks, John pointedly tried to not avoid everyone’s eyes. In fact, he made firm eye contact with each of his attackers and their parents, except for Mr. Harlen, who refused to look anywhere but his mug of coffee.

“In essence, the point of this conference is to open up a dialogue concerning the events of last week, and to come to some sort of consensus on what to do given the court case coming up. First of all, I’d like to invite John to address his peers.”

She nodded to him, and he swallowed his fear. He’d thought a lot about what he wanted to say, and when he inhaled, it was slow and steady.

“I guess, when it comes down to it, I don’t understand why you all wanted to hurt me. That is what you did, you know? Put me through a lot of physical and emotional pain. But that isn’t why I’m asking you to be honest with the court next week. Mostly I just wish you’d be honest with yourselves, because the moment you convince yourself that beating me up for something as insignificant and out of my control as which gender I’m attracted to is okay, you start on the slippery slope of excusing yourselves for hurting all sorts of people who might be different from you. I’m not friends with any of you, but we’ve been going to school together for years now. Garrett, we’ve even been classmates since middle school. I know you aren’t the type of person to go out of your way to cause trouble. You’re all good students and I think you are good people. So can you really look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn’t do something wrong?”

He looked at each of them, then, looked into their eyes, appealing to them the only way he could. They responded with blank expressions; Daniel averted his gaze entirely.

“I don’t think we did anything wrong, because we didn’t do it in the first place,” Chris finally said.

John shuddered visibly, and Dad placed a comforting hand on his knee. “There is physical evidence of what you did all over my son’s body. A man witnessed it. I don’t understand how you plan on defending your case,” Dad said, tone civil but greatly strained.

“My clients have alibies. All four of them were at the Harlen residence at the time of the incident.”

“Were they?” Carolyn cut in. She and the other attorney looked at each other for a long moment. “Or would the security cameras at the bookshop say otherwise?” John’s gaze jumped to her. The bookshop didn’t have a security camera outside. Did she not know that? Did the other attorney not know that? But when John looked over, he saw that his attackers had grown wide-eyed and anxious. Carolyn’s lips upturned smugly. “Ah, have I struck a few nerves?”

“There are no security cameras outside the bookstore where my clients would have supposedly been loitering,” the other attorney cut in angrily. Carolyn met his gaze, the smirk never leaving her face.

“Goodness, of course there aren’t. But that’s no matter, because I’ve seen all I needed.” She gave the flustered attorney a flippant wink and stood, organizing her papers in their respective folders and gesturing for John and his dad to prepare to leave. Folders in order, she looked at each of the boys across from her, and her smile weakened a little. “You can’t learn from your mistakes without first admitting you made them. It’s not too late to start now.”

She waited a few moments, testing their silence. But they wouldn’t give.

“Alright,” she sighed. “Come on, John, Mr. Egbert. Let’s go.”

-

“Here is the evidence we have so far. I had to obtain these records myself, and I’m still waiting for the other records to be faxed to me. They should arrive soon.”

There was a detailed cell phone bill under the name Craig Vane, Anna’s father. John picked it up and looked at the texts between Anna and George.

AV: Omg i think i’m going to puke.
GM: What? Anna, you okay?
AV: John’s gay!!!
GM: What the fuck?
AV: He just sent me this text!! EB: oh, i’m sorry but my boyfriend is telling me about his new job, i have to go! i’ll talk to you later.
AV: I just can’t even believe this. Right when i think there’s a chance he might want to date me. :’(
GM: Hey dont blame yourself. It isnt your fault that hes a fag.
AV: I know, but it still hurts. Even if he’s gay, he’s still so cute.
GM: Ugh, Anna. Hes a fag, he isnt cute.
GM: Look, are you gonna be okay?
AV: I’m crying a little but i think i’ll probably be alright. I really just want to never see him again, i’m so embarrassed.
GM: For what its worth, I think youre way too good for him.
GM: Youre pretty and smart and really fun to be around. As popular as you are I dont doubt that you can get someone way better.
AV: Um, thanks george. That’s really nice of you.
GM: Hey, maybe Ill go talk to him about it. Give him a hard time or some shit.
AV: You shouldn’t be mean.
GM: He hurt you, I have every right to be mean. Besides, hes just a faggot, he deserves it.
AV: I guess…

John stopped reading when his stomach started hurting enough for him to notice it.

“Judging from these text messages, we might infer that George has feelings for Anna, which would give him even more motive than simply being homophobic. As soon as the phone bills from your attackers go through, I’ll be able to look for more connections like this, and will be able to play off of those connections during the court case. To be honest, I’m mostly confused by Daniel’s behavior throughout this process. What would have made him so adamant from the beginning to plead not guilty? You’d think George would be the one most likely to want to fight you. The others I could easily stock up to mob mentality. And then there’s the fact that Chris has a history of arrest.”

Dad and John looked at her in shock. “He what?”

“Why didn’t you bring this up before, Carolyn?”

“The details are lost due to his case being resolved outside of court, but he was arrested in his hometown two years ago in Arkansas due to violence, presumably against someone he’d assumed was homosexual. So this is not a first time for him.”

“So then, George and Chris supposedly have a motive, but Garrett’s and Daniel’s aren’t as obvious?”

“Um, I know from going to school with Garrett ever since sixth grade that he usually just does what his friends are doing to fit in…”

“And it’s been pretty obvious from early interviews with the police and a background search that Mr. Harlen is terribly homophobic,” Carolyn sighed. “It’s possible that Daniel is just mimicking what he hears at home.”

She looked at John for a long moment before being interrupted by the fax machine lighting up. “Oh, good,” she said under her breath. It was Mr. Harlen’s phone bill. “Here we go… I’ll take a look at this. You two can feel free to go get some lunch while I go over these documents. Meet back here in forty-five minutes?”

Dad nodded, and he and John left her office. “We’ve been getting Subway so often, I don’t think I can eat another sandwich. How about that Mexican place down the street?”

“Sure,” John said, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“Talking to Dave?” Dad asked off-handedly. John smiled after a moment.

“Uh, no, it was Jade.”

-

They had been going over documents all afternoon, and finally John excused himself to use the restroom.

When he locked himself in the stall, he pulled out his phone and found Daniel’s number, the one he had swiped from the documents their phone company had faxed to Carolyn, and opened a text message.

EB: hey daniel, this is john. i would really like to talk to you about all of this alone. i’ll be over by fernwood park around 5.

John swallowed heavily and pressed send.

-

 

 

TG: im gonna brb and draw some shit for a while k
EB: oh...
EB: um, okay.
EB: i'll try not to fall asleep while you're gone!
EB: i love you, dave.
TG: hey you know something funny
TG: i love you too
TG: a lot
TG: so yeah sorry youve gotta put up with my dumb ass
EB: hehe. i love your dumb ass and will put up with it forever, okay? and don't you forget it.
TG: thnx

-– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-

And so it came to be that Dave Strider doth verily slam the fuck out of his status to 'ABSCONDED', but nay, that was not severe enough an action to express his need to Get the Sweet Fuck Out of Dodge! He closed Pesterchum. He disconnected the internet, then reconnected it out of force of habit, then disconnected it again.

Then he navigated the clusterfuck of badly named folders that ultimately brought him out near his stored pesterlogs, and he re-read the entire dickblasted conversation again from start to end. Three times, just to try and pinpoint where that creeping feeling of dread had started to bubble up, where it had become really difficult to maintain an adequate level of distance. One more time just to revel in how classy his retreat had been. He is just a certified master of clean getaways, and the last few lines of that pesterlog only served to emboss that fact. There was pretty much no way in hell that John was sitting up on his computer, wondering what the hell just happened.

Distraction time.

Dave wasn't the type of kid to brag, but he was an uncontested champ at distracting himself. It was a skill finely honed from long hours whiled away in the relative comfort of his own bedroom. First port of call would be to drown himself in the most unpleasant colours he could smash together in MS Paint, then save his work over and over into a glitchy, artifact-saturated mess.

It was only after copy-pasting his fourth consecutive panel of Hella Jeff placing his every appendage on Sweet Bro's impudently jutting rump that Dave decided that he was sick of that, too. He sat looking at his empty desktop, dry-mouthed, his stomach a wriggling mess of coiled tension. Maybe you should sign back on? suggested a timid voice in his subconscious; maybe you should go fuck yourself, Dave's conscious mind retorted in turn. He was handling this perfectly. Not that 'this' was even a thing worth handling. It was not as though he was curled up in the fetal position on his bed, feeling like he just got done losing fifty consecutive rounds to Bro, was it?

Shit, nix that. People got curled up in fetal positions on their bed for all kinds of reasons that were in no way related to emotional compromise or making their boyfriends feel like shit. Which this definitely was not. Glad we could get that cleared up. Besides, the fetal position was way overdue a comeback, and who better to assist it than a coolkid such as himself? And before Dave could get any further enmeshed into this downward spiral of feelingsy repression, his hand shot out towards his phone.

Rose. Rose would know how to deal with this shit, even if it meant having to wade through the turgid swamp of her fragrant lavender prose.

So he texted her:

hi youre certified pro of beating around the bush (in more ways than one)
so how do you fix it when all that bush beating pisses off your boyfriend
not that youre familiar with boyfriends but put that overactive imagination of yours to work
best keep it tethered though
if i look out my window to find crotchety old wizards making out flagrantly in the streets ill know who to blame

and he fought the urge to barrage her with more texts, an entire fuckin' torrent of them. Thankfully she replied in a matter of minutes.

Interesting use of figurative rhetoric. If we are to sustain the metaphor in its most vulgar form, why wouldn't John be upset by your 'bush beating'? You are in a monogamous relationship, are you not?

so do you only have selective subtext blindness when it best serves to piss me off or were you actually hurt by my insinuation you like to clamdive
i mean im cool with your fetish for carpet burns and wherever you want to stick your tongue is your business not mine
but i was asking an actual question

Did you just expend three separate texts on this question? I suppose I had better drop all of my other engagements and hasten to the aid of my brother, who is still as recklessly entertained by the idea of girls engaging in sexual intimacy as he was when he was twelve.

yeah thats right

So what is the issue?

A pause.

idk

Email me the chatlog, Dave.

So he did.

Then there was an uncomfortable, lengthy silence wherein Dave managed to unthread the stitching from the cuff of one sleeve, fidgeting the other hand against the screen of his iPhone in case he'd somehow managed to lose signal in the past two seconds. Eventually there came another reply:

It’s been a while since you allowed yourself the luxury of erroneous typography. You even skipped the customary step of involved and directionless metaphors! I feel we’re onto a breakthrough.

are you going to jibe at me or actually offer useful assistance

is this like donkey kong wherein i dodge the snarkbarrels and jump up arbitrary obstacles in order to get a straight answer but you insist on escalating it to higher levels until im too pissed off to keep playing

cause im getting the feeling its more like pacman

where its pretty much the same but i reach lvl 255 and you turn into a glitched out screen and my phone explodes

Four separate texts. Don’t break the bank over my psychological advice so early on in my career, Strider. I promise I won’t think less of you if you stoop to the proletarian lows of punctuation, just this one time.

Dave typed his next message with his face planted firmly in the palm of his hand, peeking out through the cracks of his fingers. At least she couldn’t see the depths of his internal anguish through a phone message. Actually, who the fuck was he kidding?

please

As much as I’d like to prove an unceasing font of worldly wisdom, I don’t actually know. I can’t read John’s mind, and I can’t whisper advice to you through a headset as though we were bromantic room-mates in a 90s situational comedy. What use would I even be? As you so kindly pointed out, I am not much better at repressing my proclivity to the indirect.

What I can say, however, is that he’s clearly very worried about you, particularly considering the circumstances you informed me of earlier.

And for what it is worth, so am I.

ok fine just should i go back online to talk to him y/n

God, he could practically see the line of her mouth screwing up in tight displeasure.

Y.

k thanks youve been a babe

You are very much welcome.

He sat back in his chair, opening Pesterchum via right-click rather than double – heightened the tension, spun it out a little longer – and then scrolled through the list of handles.

Of course John’s handle was greyed out. It was ridiculously late. Ridiculate. Ridiculately past whatever infantile hour John usually wriggled up into his cocoon of bed sheets, anyway.

So Dave went back to his bed and lay out straight on his back. Hey, it was totally rational to go to bed early, especially when you were a kid with as much on your plate as John ‘Take the World’s Burden On My Shoulders’ Egbert. It would be totally selfish and irrational to feel let down over a greyed out name on an instant messaging client.

Glad we got that cleared up.

Notes:

hey sorry we're on hiatus again and idk how long it's gonna last.