Buster’s trial fell on Pride Week the first year that GOB was an Official Gay. While Tony marched in parades, drank booze, and went to a hundred parties, GOB watched the hours of the courtroom clock tick by.
When his boyfriend showed up for lunch one day, scantily clad, covered in glitter, and holding flowers, Lucille sent him away. GOB tried to protest, but to no avail.
“I won’t have that fruit in here while we’re trying to make the jury sympathize with our family. He enables you.”
“Enables me to be happy,” said GOB indignantly.
Lucille patted his cheek. She smiled insincerely. “Be happy on your own time. Right now, we have to save your brother.”
As it turned out, he had quite liked jail, and didn’t view it as being saved at all. Buster felt like he had experienced something real, something that was his own behind bars. He did like the restoration of his clear conscience, however. The guilt was the only bad part of the new life he had made.
The best parts, incidentally, were his new friends and the ice cream sandwiches.
GOB put a rainbow flag over his desk at the Bluth Company when the trial was over and understood how his brother felt.
Minus the ice cream sandwiches.
Tony broached the subject a year later at breakfast while GOB was pretending to care about the newspaper.
“So, Pride is this weekend,” he said. “I know your mom was being a total bitch about it last time, but-”
GOB flipped the newspaper down so he could see Tony.
“You need your super hot boyfriend to tag along and really sell the whole gay thing?”
“Super hot, huh?” said Tony, smiling.
“We’re a good match that way.”
Tony laughed. “It’s true.”
“Do you need me?” asked GOB.
Tony rubbed the back of his neck, causing glitter to sprinkle onto the floor.
“They were already breathing down my neck about fraud before and when my boyfriend was a no show last year, the rumors got worse. I know we haven’t come out as a duo yet but. . .”
“I’ll go,” said GOB.
“Really?” asked Tony, his face brightening. “You’re not worried about a scandal?”
GOB laid the newspaper flat on the table. He pointed to an article in the Variety section.
“The times are changing, Tony Wonder. Look: ‘Dog and Panda Best Friends at Zoo.’ If people can make sense of whatever is going on there, they can understand us too.”
Tony got up from the table, and hugged GOB from behind. He kissed GOB’s hair, and a light dusting of glitter showered down in front of his face, pooling in his lap. He closed his eyes happily. Tony made him feel warm inside in the way only alcohol ever had before.
“If this whole gay thing is some sort of elaborate idea to piss off your terrible parents. . .never tell me.”
“Believe me, if I wanted to piss off my parents I could have done that all by myself.”
The entire first night was filled with nothing but clubs, hard liquor, and beautiful, sparkly men. Sometimes the sparkles were Tony’s fault; he was glitter-bombing left and right for publicity. GOB kissed one or two of the pretty men. . .or maybe ten of them. He kissed Tony the most, so he figured it didn’t really matter.
“Watching you kiss all those guys is getting me really worked up,” Tony breathed into GOB’s mouth after a particularly long makeout session with another dude. He ground his hips into GOB’s.
“Is it?” GOB moaned.
Tony pushed him into a dark corner up against a wall. He sucked a hickey onto GOB’s neck.
“I think I need to show those boys who this hot piece of meat belongs to.”
GOB’s knees buckled a little. . .or a lot, because the world came crashing down. Apparently he was very, very drunk.
Also everything was on fire? Everything was on fire. Why was everything on fire?
Tony pulled him to his feet by the hand.
“We have to get out now, babe.”
GOB nodded dumbly, and followed his boyfriend into the alleyway next to the bar.
“What happened?” he asked.
“From what I can tell, your lighter fluid mechanism set a puddle of alcohol on fire.”
GOB laughed. “Are you sure it wasn’t my body that did it.”
Tony looked at him hungrily, his eyeliner beautifully smudged, and pushed him against the brick building.
Blowjobs in an alley were a lot hotter than GOB expected.
After realizing that GOB was the guilty party behind the nightclub fire, San Francisco Pride organizers attempted to ban GOB from the vendor fair. Tony complained, citing the fact that it would damage his image to not have his boyfriend present. The organizers decided to allow him in on the condition that he be stripped of anything that could be considered dangerous and monitored by police.
So on that hot June afternoon, GOB was shirtless, toothless, and clad in sweaty leather underwear. He had never felt more like an object in his life, and one of his past jobs was as a stripper.
“This is not fun,” said GOB gritting his teeth. “Look over there. That’s Jake from my hot cops days. He’ll see me here. . .think I’m a fool.”
Tony reached up to stroke the hair on the nape of GOB’s neck. “Only two hours left, babe. Don’t worry. You look shredded.”
He kissed GOB on the cheek, and GOB’s stomach flipped happily. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.
“Wanna hear a secret?” said GOB, voice muffled by the din of the parade. He threw another handful of glitter at the crowd. Tony laughed.
“Right now?” He let loose a stream of coins that clanged as they hit the street.
“Right now is when it’s most important.” GOB put his hand down his pants, fiddled around, an extracted several tiny firecrackers. Tony’s eyes grew wide.
“What is that?”
“It makes smoke. I hid about twenty of them in my butt. We’re losing the crowd’s attention every minute we’re not playing with fire.”
“GOB. . .” He looked towards the front of the parade, eying the officiators. Then he looked back at his boyfriend and down to the explosives in his hand. “Ah, fuck it. The leaders of this event just need to be shown how to have a good time.” He grabbed two firecrackers out of GOB’s hand. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Later, when they escaped in Tony’s pink corvette from the burnt down floats and furious people, they stopped at a gas station to destroy the evidence. GOB rolled all the pyrotechnics onto the ground, and Tony poured a bottle of water on top of them. The both of them got back in the car, and sat in silence for a moment.
GOB opened his mouth to say something, but Tony shook his head.
“It’s not a problem, Gobie.”
Before Tony, GOB never wanted to admit to a mistake. Now he did all the time, and Tony would never let him. Tony sighed.
“Ok, maybe it’s a problem, but it’s our problem now. I-”
GOB cut him off with a kiss, and Tony laughed into his mouth.
“It’s gay pride and I haven’t been gay with you for twelve hours,” said GOB. He took off his shirt. “Remove your pants, Tony Wonder. Don’t worry about that other stuff. You haven’t even been to the main attraction yet.”
In the back seat of the car that late Sunday afternoon while listening to fire sirens that sped past and Top 40 hits on the radio, GOB showed Tony what Pride was really all about.