Sins of the Father

by carolinablu85

Summary:

They thought he was gone, that he couldn't hurt them ever again. So what happens when Colonel Mayer comes back for Noah?

Notes:

Set in spring 2009: after the guys decide to move in together, before Damian comes back. Around that time. Ish. (thus, before the Colonel came back from the dead that summer)

Chapter 1: One

Alison entered Java with an armful of books, in desperate need of a caffeine fix. “Noah!” she spotted her friend behind the counter. “Can you get me-”

“Double shot latte, coming up,” he called to her as she sat in the corner booth, dropping the books with a huff. “You okay?”

“I have two finals for nursing school coming up, and I’d really like to not fail them,” she gestured to the pile. “These textbooks are haunting my dreams.”

Noah smiled sympathetically, placing a mug in front of her. “Makes me glad I’m a good-for-nothing film student.”

Alison mock-glared at him until she took a sip of the latte, immediately sighing in satisfaction. “You are a coffee god. How many more can you make in the next hour?”

“None, sorry. My shift just ended, so…”

Casey came hurrying into Java, moving over to them quickly, waving a hand to interrupt whatever Noah was about to say. “Noah, my friend, my savior, please tell me you’re done. My dad took my car this morning, and I left some paperwork at the hospital that I need for tomorrow, and I desperately need a ride so Jade doesn’t, like, literally kill me.”

Noah couldn’t help but grin. “Yeah, I guess we wouldn’t want that. Come on,” he grabbed his jacket from behind the counter, twirling his keys around one finger.

“Oh, dude, thanks,” Casey sighed, then did a double take. “Wait, you guess?”

Ali giggled at the look on his face. “Aw, be careful Noah. He’s got a fragile ego. He just masks it under all that bravado.”

Casey looked back and forth between them. “What? I don’t mask anything. This isn’t bravado, this is pure, masculine, animal magnetism right here.” He waved a hand vaguely around himself. “No one can resist this.”

“Sorry bro,” Noah threw an arm jokingly around Casey’s shoulders. “But the straight girl and the gay guy here are saying differently.” Ali giggled again as Casey good-naturedly shrugged off Noah’s arm.

Casey wagged a finger at Alison. “Keep laughing girlfriend. I may not be able to change your mind, but I’ve got a whole ride to the hospital to win Noah over.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, good luck with that. I’m not too worried.”

Casey turned to follow Noah out the door, stopping at the last second just inside the doorway. “You should be worried. We all know Noah’s got a thing for blonds!” Noah couldn’t help but laugh at the slightly surprised look on Ali’s face.

“I’ve got a thing for Luke, not blonds,” Noah felt like he had to correct Casey as they walked through Old Town.

Casey shrugged, still grinning. “Doesn’t matter. If I just got Alison even a little bit jealous, it means I might have a fun night ahead of me when we meet back up later.” The look on his face, eyebrows raised suggestively, caused Noah to crack up, Casey joining him. They rounded the corner, still laughing, when Noah stopped abruptly. Casey looked at him questioningly, about to crack another joke, when he saw his friend's face. Noah's eyes were wide, shocked, and... fearful? "Noah?" Casey was almost afraid to touch him. He was as tense as Casey had ever seen him.

He followed the direction of Noah's stare. A large sandy-haired man was leaning ever-so-casually against the driver's side door of Noah's truck. Too ever-so-casually, in Casey's opinion. Thank God the guy hadn't noticed them yet, because he gave Casey the creeps immediately. And Noah obviously recognized him. "Who is that?"

Noah snapped out of his daze. "Let's go, hurry!" he grabbed Casey's shoulder and shoved him back the way they had come.

"Who is he?" Casey asked again.

"Come on!" He broke out into a run, and Casey quickly followed. A few minutes later they burst back into now mostly-empty Java, out of breath.

Alison looked up from the booth they had left her in, surprised. "Hey guys, I thought..." she trailed off at their expressions, Noah's especially freaked out. “What happened? Noah?"

"Seriously, Noah, who the hell was that guy?" Casey finally managed to catch his breath. Noah's breathing was still rushed, but it looked like it was more from panic than the run.

"What guy?" Alison asked.

"My dad," Noah said simply, quietly. Casey stared at him, shocked, while Alison’s frown deepened with worry. He sounded scared and younger than the other two had ever heard him before. As Casey filled her in on what had happened, Noah hurriedly pulled out his cell phone and hit speed dial 1. He paced back and forth as it continued to ring. "Come on Luke, pick up!" It went to voicemail, and Noah tried to swallow back even more panic. Where the hell was he? "Luke, it's me. Call me as soon as you get this, and- and- just... go somewhere safe, okay? Don't go anywhere alone, don't... just call me, Luke, please?" Casey and Alison exchanged a troubled glance, starting to realize how serious this was.

"Why would I call you when I'm already here?" Luke said from the doorway, stepping in to hear the end of Noah's message. He was grinning, unaware of the tension in the coffeehouse.

"Oh, thank God." Noah made a beeline for his boyfriend, grabbing him and pulling him into a forceful, relieved hug.

"Hey, it's nice to see you too," Luke said, still smiling. He tried to pull back, but Noah just tightened his grip. "Noah?" It was then he realized Noah was shaking. He frowned, instantly concerned. "Hey, hey. Baby, what's wrong?" He rubbed one hand reassuringly on Noah's back, made eye contact with Casey and Allison over his shoulder. "Guys?"

"We saw Noah's dad," Casey said quietly.

Luke felt a chill spread quickly through him, squeezing at his lungs, making his knees weak. "No, no, no, no, no. He's dead. He drowned. He can't..." he finally managed to pull Noah away from him. He held Noah's face in both hands. "You’re sure it was him?" Noah just looked at him, nodding, not trusting himself to speak right now. "But he drowned," Luke whispered, wanting Noah and Casey to be wrong. After everything he and Noah had been through, this was the last thing they needed.

"They never found his body," Noah said just as softly. His face was so pale, and he looked like he might pass out.

Luke steadied him, pulling him to the booth to sit with Alison. He kept a hand on Noah’s still-trembling shoulder. "Okay, so... we need to do something. We'll call my parents, the cops-"

"I'll call my mom," Casey cut in, already pulling out his phone.

"-Good, okay yeah. And then we'll just... we'll just wait it out here for right now, drink some coffee, hang out. Here. In public. Safely." Luke was just this side of babbling, but he wanted to remain calm and coherent for Noah, who looked like he was in a state of shock. Luke suddenly had a flash of fear. Had something happened? "Did he see you? Did he say or do anything to you?"

Noah shook his head. "He was waiting for me. Casey and I saw him standing by my truck. He was waiting for me." He was staring at nothing, his hands clasped together tightly.

Luke and Alison exchanged glances, concerned. "Hey," Luke said gently, running a hand through Noah's hair. "We'll figure this out. It'll be okay, he's not going to hurt you again. I promised, didn't I?" Noah didn't answer, but he did lean into Luke's touch, eyes closing miserably. Luke smiled a little sadly- what had they done to deserve this?- and Alison put her hand on Noah's other shoulder.

They all three looked up when Casey closed his phone, sitting down with them. "My mom's on her way with a couple uniform guys. She said she'd get your parents too, Luke. She wants us to stay here and stay together until they get here." Casey stole Alison's mug, taking a sip. She gave him a half-hearted glare, but didn't make any move to stop him.

It only took Margo about thirty seconds of explanation to get Lily and Holden to come with her. A few minutes later they were all rushing into Java, the kids standing up to meet them. "Are you okay?" Lily cried out, arms immediately going around her son.

Luke tried reassuring his mother and nodded to his dad, who went over to Noah and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Noah?"

Noah had calmed down, and now he tried to offer a little smile. "I'm okay." Holden smiled back, patting his shoulder.

Margo approached, a regretful look on her face. "Well, unfortunately he's gone. Maybe he heard us coming, or he didn't want wait around any longer, I don't know. I'm sorry," she said to Luke and Noah. Their eyes went wide, and everyone else grew more alarmed.

"So what do we do?" Holden prompted.

"I'm going to keep a few officers here to canvass the area, we'll put an APB out on him, make sure the town's aware. And," she sighed, "I'm going to put some police protection on you, Noah."

"Me?" Noah asked, looking back and forth between Margo and the others. "No, you mean you’re going to for the Snyders."

"Noah," Luke tried to cut in.

"No, Luke. Don't you remember what he does? He's never hurt me-"

"Yes he has!" Luke cried out, thinking back on the physical and emotional abuse Colonel Mayer had inflicted on his son over the years.

Noah shook his head. "No, he always goes after the people I care about. I don't want that to happen again."

Lily smiled sadly at the boy she had come to love as one of her own. "Well, those people care about you too, so you're going to get protection whether you want it or not."

Holden stood beside her. "That's right. How about this- we were all going to spend the weekend at the farm anyway- you come and stay with us so the police protection can be for all of us." Noah had no choice but to agree.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Emma was baking, of course, when they entered the house. "Well hello there, where have you all been?" She realized there were four people- not three- walking in, instantly recognizing the tall, lean form of her grandson’s boyfriend. “Noah, dear! I didn’t know you were joining us tonight. You’re in luck, though, it just so happens I made your favorite…” She trailed off, finally took in their appearances, the tense looks on their faces. Her expression immediately dropped into a frown. "What happened?"

Holden looked at the boys, noticing how Luke kept glancing worriedly at Noah, and nodded to Lily. "Mama, there's something we need to tell you. Let's go to the living room and we'll explain." He and Lily ushered Emma out of the kitchen.

Luke silently thanked his dad as he and Noah sat at the kitchen table. He pulled his chair closer when Noah sighed heavily, burying his head in his hands. Luke reached out to run a hand comfortingly over Noah's hair, not sure what else he could do. "You want to talk?" he asked quietly. Noah shook his head, not looking up. "Okay." Luke wanted to say something else, something clever or cute, but now just wasn't the time. Right now he had to make sure Noah was okay.

And then Noah looked up, tired blue eyes focused on him. "Do you need to talk?" he asked. "I haven't... I'm sorry, I've been so freaked out, but you've got to be scared too, and I haven't-"

"Noah, hey." Luke let his hand drop from Noah's hair to the side of his face. "I am scared, okay? Your father doesn't exactly bring back warm and fuzzy memories, but-" and he waved off Noah's protest or apology or whatever he was about to say, "-but I'm scared for all of us. No matter what you say or think, he has hurt you. And I don't want him to do that again."

"I don't want him to hurt you again either," Noah responded quickly.

"See, I love it when we’re on the same page," Luke smiled, and they pulled each other into a tight hug. After a few moments he stood, prodding Noah to his feet. "Come on, you look like you need some sleep. Who knows, maybe by the time we wake up Margo will have caught the Colonel and we can forget this ever happened."

Noah smiled a little then. "By the time 'we' wake up?"

Luke mock-glared at him, playfully pinching Noah’s chin. "Didn’t I promise I wouldn't let you get hurt again? Face it Mayer, you're stuck with me until this is all over. You go to bed, I go to bed."

"You know, if circumstances were different, I'd really like the sound of that," Noah commented, his voice rough with exhaustion. He held on tight to Luke's hand as Luke guided him up the stairs. Noah kicked off his shoes and flopped onto the bed, not bothering to change clothes or take off any he had on. Luke took his own shoes off, and his sweatshirt, before sitting on the bed next to him. The second he was settled, Noah turned his body to rest against Luke's, his head laying on Luke's chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Luke immediately wrapped his arms around him, dropping a kiss onto Noah's forehead. "Noah, it's okay. None of this is your fault. Nothing's going to happen to us, I promise." Of course he had know way of knowing what could happen, but he wasn't about to let Noah go to sleep thinking otherwise. He stayed where he was, resting his cheek against Noah's hair, listening as the other boy's breathing deepened and slowed. When he was positive Noah had fallen asleep, he allowed himself to do the same.

And that was how Holden and Lily found them a few minutes later. They quietly shut the door, deciding to disregard Emma's rule for the time being. The boys needed each other right now. Once they were back down in the kitchen, Lily leaned into her husband for a hug, laying her head on his shoulder. "What are we going to do, Holden?"

He held her tightly. "I don't know. Whatever we have to. There's going to be a lot of people out looking for Colonel Mayer tomorrow. They'll catch him."

She shook her head. "You don't know that. Luke and Noah-"

"-will be fine. They'll catch him," Holden insisted. "And in the meantime, we'll protect the boys with everything we have. And if that bastard tries anything, tries to come here and hurt them, I'll kill him myself."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When Margo stepped in the next morning, the Snyders and Noah were just finishing up breakfast. “Did you find him?” Noah was the first one to ask.

Margo looked at him, the hopeful expression on his face, and shook her head slowly. “No, not yet. I’m sorry, Noah.” Noah swallowed hard, his head dropping down to stare at his plate, the food barely touched. “But we have local and state police patrolling the area for him. We put in a call to his last army base too, to see if the military wants to get involved in finding him. And we had Casey look at his mug shot to confirm that it is Colonel Mayer.”

“He really is back,” Luke murmured. Part of him had kind of hoped, despite what Noah and Casey saw… Lily put her hand on his arm, squeezing gently. He smiled at her, then turned to Margo. “So, what are we supposed do in the meantime? Bunker down here, order in food? Stay away from doors and windows? They have work, and Noah has school, and…”

“Easy, calm down,” Lily pulled Luke back into his chair. He hadn’t even realized he had stood up. “No one is keeping us here as prisoners.”

“Yeah,” Holden jumped in. “We’re going to keep on living our lives as normal, just…” he nodded towards the cops standing outside the house. “with… a few new friends hanging around.” He looked to Margo. “Right?”

“Absolutely,” she assured them. “Where are the girls and Ethan?”

“Jade’s staying over at a friend’s house tonight. Faith, Natalie, and Ethan are spending the weekend with my mother,” Lily answered. “It was only supposed to be a day, but we figured, the way things are…”

“That’s a good idea. No need to scare them or get them involved,” Margo agreed.

“Get them involved?” Noah echoed. He lifted his head finally. “None of you should be involved. He’s here because of me, I should-”

“You should what, Noah, go out and find him yourself? Leave town?” Holden reached out and grabbed Noah’s shoulder as the young man stood up from the table.

“I don’t know! Maybe! We don’t know what he’s capable of, okay? He’s going to hurt someone and…”

“And?” Luke also stood up, moving in front of Noah as the blue-eyed boy paced back and forth.

Noah stopped to lock eyes with Luke. “And I’d rather it be me than someone else!” Before anyone could stop him, Noah stormed out of the kitchen.

The others looked at each other sadly, Luke exchanging a glance and a nod with his father before following. He caught up with Noah on the porch, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him around. “Noah, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what, Luke? Put you and your family in danger? Let my father ruin my life again?” Noah was shaking under Luke’s grip.

“Don’t try to do this on your own,” Luke said quietly, calmly. He knew how quickly Noah’s emotions could escalate if pushed. He put his hand against Noah’s face, waiting for him to look him in the eye. “You’re a part of this family, too. You are,” he insisted when Noah shook his head. “I mean it, I think sometimes my parents would love to disown me and adopt you instead.” Noah gave a short huff of laughter, and it encouraged Luke to continue. “And we,” he slid his arms around Noah’s waist, anchoring him to the spot, “are going to protect you as much as you want to protect us. No matter what, we’re all in this together.”

Noah smiled genuinely then if a little hesitantly, wrapping his own arms around on Luke’s shoulders. “So I’m stuck with you, is that it?” he asked.

“Pretty much,” Luke grinned. He leaned forward and kissed Noah softly once, twice, and then started moving them back to the kitchen. “You’ll see. It’ll be okay, and he won’t be able to hurt us this time.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Winston Mayer stood very still, watching from the shadows of the woods surrounding the Snyder farm. Through his binoculars, he could see his son in the kitchen, sitting with his “friend” and the parents. He nearly shook with disgust, watching Luke with his arm fastened around Noah’s shoulders, seeing the Snyders- Holden and Lily and an older woman- treat Noah as though he was their family and not Winston’s. No, it was all wrong. Noah was his son and his responsibility.

Once Lieutenant Hughes was gone and the other cops were settled in outside, Winston felt brave enough to get closer. He moved to the very edge of the tree line, hoping to get a better look at Noah. He had to admit, Noah looked good- strong and healthy, matured. Though he held himself a little tensely, and of course Winston knew he was the cause of that, Noah also seemed more… comfortable with himself, with other people. That awkward, gangly young man Winston had known was all but gone. When the older woman said something and the whole family (group, he corrected himself, Noah was not a part of that family) laughed, Winston could only stare in wonder at the way Noah’s face broke out into a grin. He hadn’t seen Noah smile like that with him since he was eight.

That had to change.

Winston had tried to stay away, start a new life. But try as he might, he couldn’t forget about his son. He did still plan on leaving the country to start over, but he knew now that that had to include Noah. Whether Noah wanted it to or not.

The buzzing of his phone brought Winston out of his thoughts and back to the present. He slid back away from the house, pulling his cell out. “Yeah?” he barked out.

“Sir, our base is secure,” his hired man reported in. Tim Kelley had served with Winston in several tours and could always be counted on for the “off the books” jobs. Tim had brought with him two of his own men- Alan and Brett- and between the four of them Winston was sure they would pull this off. “We’re ready to go ahead with your plans.”

“Okay, good job, Tim. I’ll be there in a few,” he hung out without waiting for a response, looking back one last time at his son before melting even further into the shadows, disappearing from sight. Today, it would begin.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Dude, that sucks!” Casey frowned, glancing at the two plainclothes officers sitting near the door of Java. Luke answered with something close to a grunt, head propped up by both hands. Jade tried to smile in sympathy, but gave up when Luke’s glare told her it wasn’t working.

“What sucks?” Alison asked as she dropped into the seat next to Casey.

“Police protection,” Luke sighed dramatically, nodding his head to his and Noah’s new friends.

Alison’s eyes widened. “They haven’t caught Noah’s dad yet?”

“Nope. And until they do, not only do we get to be stalked by the psycho, we also get to have Starsky and Hutch follow our every step!” Luke said with fake-enthusiasm.

“Luke, it’s probably for the best,” Alison responded gently. “The guy’s dangerous. He put you in a wheelchair at some point, didn’t he?”

He grimaced. “Yeah, but-”

“Look at it this way,” Jade proposed. “Yeah, these guys following you around is annoying, but if the alternative is leaving Noah wide open and in danger, don’t you think you should suck it up and let them do their job? Which is to protect Noah, and you.” Luke was silent, contemplating this.

Casey jumped in. “And don’t you think it makes Noah feel even a little bit better knowing you’re protected? With all this crap going on, it’s one less thing he has to stress out about. Right?”

Luke looked around at the three of them. “God, I hate it when you guys make sense.”

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t happen to me too often,” Casey grinned.

With the atmosphere a little more relaxed, Alison glanced around the coffee shop. “Speaking of stress, where is Noah?” She jumped, startled, when a mug- double shot latte, of course- was placed onto the table in front of her, followed by Noah sitting down heavily next to Luke.

“Finally finishing his shift at work, unlike you losers.”

“Busy day?” Jade asked.

“Finals week, yeah,” Noah nodded to the students just leaving Java, their arms full of textbooks. “Not to mention looking over my shoulder every five minutes to make sure Colonel Freakshow doesn’t walk through the door.” He hooked one arm casually around Luke’s shoulders, both boys drawing some comfort from the contact. “Everything cool here?”

Luke glanced again at their bodyguards, but decided against complaining some more. His friends were right- the less stress, the better. “Yeah, totally cool.”

Noah grinned at him. “Liar. How many different ideas did you come up with for ditching our police protection?”

The other three snorted at Luke’s indignant expression. “I will have you know I…” he couldn’t fight off the smile any longer. “Four. Five if you happen to have any ski masks in the back room.”

Noah chuckled deeply. “No ski masks, but I do have a pay check to pick up back there. After I grab that, how about the five of us go out and do something fun? Hang out at the pond or go to the movies or… something? Anything?” If he sounded a little bit desperate, the others understood and ignored it.

“You know, that’s a great idea, I heard there’s some double feature of old movies playing at the theater today,” Jade suggested, sending knowing looks to Casey and Alison.

Alison elbowed Casey, and the two of them started nodding enthusiastically. “Sounds good!” they echoed each other.

Luke couldn’t help but smirk at them. He glanced over at Noah, who was shaking his head. “Yeah, you guys are so smooth.” He nudged Noah’s shoulder with his own. “Go get your paycheck, and then we’ll go watch the movies and you can tell us in excruciating detail why we’re supposed to like them.”

Noah ducked his head, giving that embarrassed little smile that always delighted Luke. “Shut up,” he mumbled. He stood up and headed to the pay office. “Be right back,” he called over his shoulder.

He had just stepped into the room when the door slammed shut behind him. He spun quickly, but before he could react someone shoved him hard back against the wall, and a forearm was pressed tightly to his throat. Noah managed to make one choked off noise before his breath was stolen from him. “Hey kiddo, remember me?” The large man smirked at Noah, pulling his arm back just enough for Noah to catch his breath.

Noah squinted, studying the man. For a second his heart was beating too fast for him to think, but then realization sunk in. “Sergeant Kelley?” he stuttered. When the man’s smirk widened, Noah felt like throwing up. This was one of his father’s closest friends, they had served together before Noah was even born. Noah couldn’t believe he was here. He started struggling, his mind working a hundred miles a minute. Did that mean his dad wasn’t in town alone, he had people working for him?

The arm was pressed hard against his throat again, hard enough to cut off both Noah’s oxygen and his train of thought. “Here’s the deal, Noah. Your dad is waiting for you, he’s close by. You come with me now- no fuss- I’ll take you to him and that’ll be it. No one in this sorry little town has to know, and no one-” the pressure increased on his throat, causing Noah to wheeze as he tried to suck in some air. “-No one has to get hurt. Don’t you think that’s a good idea? What do you say, kiddo?” He had always called Noah ‘kiddo.’ Noah had never hated it until now.

Noah couldn’t possibly talk with the way Kelley was choking him, so he just shook his head. His chest was starting to feel heavy, more air leaving his body than going in, like he was having an asthma attack. He tried to push the arm away, push himself away, but nothing happened. Some long forgotten instinct- his father trying to teach him self defense when he was younger- had Noah lashing out with one hand, hitting the nerve on the inside of Kelley’s arm. He used his other elbow to strike the Sergeant in the eye.

The man cursed, letting go of Noah to grasp at his arm for a second. Noah sagged downward and braced himself against the wall, about to push himself off and make a run for it, but Kelley recovered too quickly. Once again, he found himself shoved back, his air cut off violently. He shook his head again, a faint groan escaping his lips.

The pressure seemed to increase even more. “No? Come on Noah, don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Spots were starting to cloud Noah’s vision, and that scared him. If he passed out, he wouldn’t be able to protect himself… not that he was doing a great job of that right now.

“No!” he gasped out soundlessly. He struggled, trying feebly to push Kelley away from him. No, no, no.

“You’re putting your friends at risk here, Noah. I promise, you come with me now and no one gets hurt,” Kelley’s voice was genial, conversational, as though they were talking about a Cubs game.

Noah was starting to have trouble getting his brain to work, but he was pretty sure he knew going with Sergeant Kelley would be a bad thing. He shook his head again, lungs empty and chest heaving. How long could a person go without oxygen before they died?

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: The Colonel makes his move, Noah and Luke suffer the consequences...

Chapter 2: Two

Summary:

The Colonel makes his move, and Luke and Noah suffer the consequences.

Casey went up to pay for his coffee, and he noticed that the door to the back office was now closed. And he realized Noah was still in there looking for his check. He shook his head, wondering if Noah had forgotten how to spell his name or something. He dropped his money on the counter and headed to the office door. Pushing it open, he called out, “Noah, dude, how long does it take to get a payche-”

Casey froze in the doorway. A man built like Hulk Hogan circa 1985 had Noah forced back against the wall, a giant forearm pressed to his throat. Noah’s face was nearly purple, and while he was trying to pull the arm off of him, it only took Casey a second to see how weak his struggles were. It only took Casey another second to act. “Hey!” he yelled out, rushing forward. Without breaking stride, he plowed into the stranger, doing his best to knock him away from Noah.

The second the man let go, Noah dropped bonelessly to the floor, sucking in air and coughing harshly. The strange man stumbled back a few feet, giving Casey enough time to get in between him and Noah. He held his ground, glaring, until the man furiously turned to face him. Then Casey wasn’t ashamed to admit that he took a step back, glare faltering. Holy crap, the guy was huge.

Casey was about to start fearing for his life when he heard footsteps running to the doorway. The two plainclothes cops rushed in, giving chase as the attacker fled out the back door, moving surprisingly quick for a man his size. Casey let the cops go after him so he could turn back to Noah, who hadn’t moved from his spot on the floor. He knelt down next to his friend, hand on his shoulder. “Noah? Can you hear me?” Noah was still coughing, but he nodded to Casey’s question.

“Noah!” Luke appeared next to them. He threw his arms around him and pulled him close, somewhere between panicked and relieved. “What the hell- are you okay?” Noah nodded again, not yet sure if he could speak. Luke pulled back to study his boyfriend, eyes wide when he took in the bruises already forming. “God, your neck…” he lightly touched the black and blue ring, pulling back the instant Noah winced at the contact.

Luke looked over to Casey, and they nodded to each other. “Come on Mayer, let’s get you up,” Luke said softly as he and Casey each took an arm, helping to pull Noah up to a standing position. They propped him up against the wall while he got his bearings, waiting for him to show that he was alright.

After a beat he closed his eyes and then slowly reopened them, drawing up his strength. He looked over to Casey. “Thanks, Casey,” he said finally.

Casey forced himself not to wince at the hoarse quality of his voice. “Yeah, of course, man. You sure you’re alright?” He was happy to note that the color of Noah’s skin was much better, and his breathing had evened out. Still, he was starting to lean a little more into Luke, though Casey wasn’t sure if that was for physical or emotional support.

“I’m fine,” was the standard answer.

Casey was pretty sure he could actually hear Luke roll his eyes. “Sure you are,” he said. “How about we get out of this room, sit you down somewhere.”

“Sounds good,” Noah half-whispered, letting Luke wrap an arm around his waist and lead him out. Casey stood on Noah’s other side, one hand staying near his shoulder to steady him if need be. Once they got him back to the booth, Casey went to call his mom and Jade volunteered to call Holden and Lily.

Alison instinctively fell into her nursing role, forcing Noah to sit in front of her so she could examine his neck. “Luke, go get a washcloth, soak it in hot water for me please?”

Luke’s arm was still possessively around Noah, and the look he gave Alison told her he was seriously doubting her sanity. “I’m not leaving him-”

“It’s okay, Luke,” Noah’s voice was so scratchy they could barely understand him. But he looked a lot steadier, and when his eyes met Luke’s they were clear. Luke stared at him for a moment, searching for some reassurance. Noah thought he gave a pretty convincing smile, but Luke still looked like his puppy had just died. He pulled Noah’s face closer, kissed his cheek softly, and then reluctantly moved off to follow Alison’s orders.

“Okay hon, how many do you see?” Alison held up two fingers.

He sighed. “I don’t have a concussion, Ali.” He pushed her hand out of his face.

She frowned at him. “And exactly how do you know that?”

“I’ve had them before,” he coughed, bringing one hand up to rub lightly at the bruises around his throat. “And I didn’t hit my head. I just got the wind knocked out of me, I’m okay.”

Alison sighed, pulling Noah’s hand out of the way so she could look at the bruises. “This is a little more than ‘wind knocked out,’ Noah.” Luke reappeared, handing the washcloth over to Alison and taking his place next to Noah again. She gently draped the material around Noah’s neck, glaring good-naturedly when he tried to move away from the contact. “Hey, sit still,” she said.

“It’s hot,” Noah said petulantly. Luke, somehow looking both worried and cutely exasperated, grabbed Noah’s hands in one of his, using his other arm to hold Noah in place so Alison could put the makeshift compress on his neck.

“The muscles around your throat are strained, Noah. The heat will help with the pain,” she then turned to Luke. “Do this again later tonight, and if it gets swollen, do the same with cold water.” He nodded.

“I’m fine,” Noah protested.

Luke shook his head. “And I’d believe you if you were able to talk as loud as the rest of us,” he replied. Noah heaved a frustrated sigh, which just set him off coughing again. “See?” he smoothed the hair back away from Noah’s face and adjusted the washcloth around his neck. Noah closed his eyes and leaned his head down on Luke’s shoulder. Jade came up next to Alison with a glass of water in her hand. She passed it over to Luke. “Thanks, Jade.” Noah cracked open one eye as she sat down across from them. “Here,” Luke nudged him with his shoulder. “You should drink some water.”

“No thanks,” Noah murmured, eye drifting shut again.

Luke forced the cup into Noah’s hand anyway. “Not a suggestion.” Noah slowly brought the water to his lips and took a small sip before setting the cup aside. “Noah…”

“I can’t,” Noah’s voice was as quiet as he’d ever heard it. “It hurts.”

Luke felt his face fall at how embarrassed and small Noah sounded. He hated it. If ever someone deserved to not be a victim, it was Noah. “I’m going to kill him for doing this to you,” he muttered.

Noah shook his head. “It wasn’t my dad.”

“What?!” Luke, Alison, and Jade stared at Noah. His eyes were now open, but he was staring at the floor.

Casey pulled up a chair between Alison and Noah. “My mom’s on her way. I tried to give a description of the guy, but I didn’t get a real good look at him.”

“Hold on, I don’t understand!” Alison broke in, looking back and forth between Noah and Casey. “Your dad didn’t-?”

“He might be behind the attack, but this guy was hired muscle,” Casey explained. He winced, remembering the size of the man. “Emphasis on the muscle. The guy was like G.I. Joe.”

“Pretty close to the truth, actually,” Noah sighed. “He’s an army buddy of my dad’s.”

“Wait, you know him?” Luke couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I’ve known him since I was a baby. Sergeant Tim Kelley- he served under my dad for like twenty-five years. Guess he still does,” he added wryly.

Luke felt like screaming and breaking something (like Colonel Mayer’s face). He couldn’t believe this was happening. He had spent so much time trying not to think about what Colonel Mayer could do to them. He had tried not to relive any of those terrifying moments of the last two years whenever Noah’s dad had shown himself. Even when the Colonel had been in jail, a part of Luke had still been scared that something could happen to him, to his family, to his boyfriend. And he kept thinking of waking up in the hospital after the fishing trip from Hell, groggy and weak. And paralyzed. With an attempted murderer in jail and Noah avoiding him. He couldn’t take going back to that again. “God, this sucks.”

Casey snorted. “You think it sucks for you? I think I broke my shoulder barreling into Hulk Hogan back there.” He rubbed his shoulder for emphasis, pouting.

“You sure you didn’t hit your head?” Jade muttered.

Luke was about to tell them to cut it out- now wasn’t the time for jokes- when Noah laughed at them, and Luke was grateful to hear that sound even if it did end with another bout of coughing. He smiled his thanks at the two, catching the nod that passed between them- mission accomplished. A flash of motion out of the corner of his eye caused Luke to look towards the door, and he almost felt like groaning. He rubbed his hand along Noah’s back, saying, “Get ready to get hugged.”

“Huh?” Noah’s eyes had closed again. He opened them, fuzzy with confusion.

“Noah! Sweetie, are you okay?” Lily was a frenzy of movement entering the coffeehouse. To Noah’s shock, and Luke’s delight, she hurried straight over to him, throwing her arms around him in a relieved hug. After a second Noah hugged her back, his face losing its tension for a brief time. Lily looked to her son over Noah’s shoulder, and Luke nodded that he was okay. She smiled at him quickly before pulling back to look over Noah again. Frowning at the bruises around his neck and the quieter-than-usual way he held himself, she had to fight to keep from hugging him again.

“Where’s Dad?” Luke asked, surprised they hadn’t come in together.

“He was out when Jade called, I got a hold of him on the way here,” she smiled a hello at the other three kids and then turned back to Luke and Noah. “I told him we’d meet him at the hospital-”

“No, I don’t need to go to the hospital!” Noah protested as politely as he could. Luke grinned at his predictable behavior.

Lily laughed lightly too. “And that’s what Holden said you would say. He and Emma are waiting at the farm with dinner ready,” she turned to the others again. “And you’re all welcome to come with us.”

“Free food? Can’t pass that up!” Casey said happily. Both Alison and Jade slapped him lightly on the back of the head.

Noah smiled, but seemed to hesitate. “They’ll need me to make a statement about the…” he couldn’t get the word ‘attack’ out. “About what happened.”

Lily smiled that motherly smile that Noah still hadn’t found a way to say no to. “Margo knows where we live. Come on Noah, let’s go home.” His cautiously grateful reaction to that nearly broke her heart. She forgot sometimes about his upbringing and childhood; he was such a polite, respectful, caring young man, and yet he had never had a home of his own, or a mother, or unconditional love.

Her smile widened when the group stood up, Luke keeping a hand on his boyfriend’s back and kissing his cheek when Noah smiled at him. Lily was so proud of Luke, so glad that these two were a part of her family. And she was going to protect and fight for this family as hard as she could.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Later, Holden and Lily were clearing the table while Emma washed dishes when Luke came back down the stairs. “How’s Noah doing?” Lily asked him.

He sighed, suddenly feeling a hundred years older and a hundred pounds heavier. He sank into a chair. “He’s okay, I think. Not that he’d tell me otherwise. But, I finally got him to fall asleep and he let me put a warm compress around his neck.”

“It’s still hurting him?” Holden asked.

“He wouldn’t admit if it did, but the fact that he let me probably means yes.” Luke’s eyes were downcast, and he idly traced a finger along the wood lines on the table.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Emma sat down next to him. “Besides the obvious,” she waved a hand around.

The obvious. After hearing Noah’s statement to the police, Luke couldn’t shake a bolt of terror that kept shooting through his chest. He had been afraid that the Colonel was here to hurt him and Noah, yet this was worse. The psycho wanted to take Noah away from him. But that was the obvious. Besides that? Luke bit his lower lip. “I can’t get him to talk about it. Or… anything. What he’s feeling, what actually happened at Java today, anything. I feel so guilty that I can’t be there for him.”

“You are being there for him, son. And you know how Noah is. He likes to deal with things in his own head,” Holden pointed out.

“If it were me, Noah would bug me and badger me until I told him everything. He wouldn’t let me go to sleep until he was sure I was okay,” Luke argued. “How come I can’t do the same?”

“Because it’s not you, it’s Noah,” Lily said gently. “He does things differently. Think about it, Luke- whenever you’ve had a problem in the past, you’ve had me and your dad to help work it out. You’ve had two grandmothers, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles… Noah’s just used to doing things on his own.”

“But he doesn’t have to anymore!”

“And I think he’s learning that. But you have to remember he’s had seventeen years of experiencing the opposite. Give him time to accept this, Luke. And you have to remember that no matter what, you know he loves you. And he knows you love him,” Holden insisted.

Luke rubbed at his forehead, conceding that point. There were times when even he forgot what it must have been like to grow up with the Colonel. Noah always referred to his childhood in distant, vague descriptions. But the more he thought about it the more he realized that was Noah being Noah, and the Colonel had probably messed him up more than any of them realized. But that was the past, and Luke had his hands full just dealing with the present. “Then how do I help him now?”

“Luke. Sweetie. Were you there when he fell asleep?” Emma reached out, held his face in both of her hands.

“Yeah,” he answered, confused and a little worried Emma was about to yell at him for breaking one of her rules.

“And are you going to be there when he wakes up?” she asked.

“Yeah. Yes,” he responded with certainty this time. House rules be damned. Besides the fact that Noah had actually fallen asleep in Luke’s bed, Luke didn’t plan on letting Noah out of his sight for a very long time.

Emma smiled at him. “Then you are helping him, you big dummy,” she said with a teasing tone, pinching his cheek. From where they stood, Holden and Lily also broke out into grins.

Luke stared at her for a second, before giving a sheepish chuckle, ducking his head. “I guess I am adding some unnecessary drama to an already full plate, huh?”

“You got that right,” Emma smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “Now scoot. Go look after that boy that you love. I hereby lift my house rules for tonight. Behave yourself and maybe I’ll think about revising them while Noah’s father is dealt with.”

Luke smiled at her sweetly, giving her a kiss. “Thanks Grandma.” He said goodnight to his parents and went back upstairs. Pausing in the doorway to his room, he studied his sleeping boyfriend for a moment. Noah was curled up on his side, a slight frown marring his otherwise boyish face. Luke stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, quickly changed into a simple t-shirt and sweatpants, and climbed into the bed next to Noah. He leaned over to check that the compress was still against Noah’s neck, and then silently turned off the light.

In the darkness, he lay there listening to the hitched but steady breathing of the person next to him. Luke decided he couldn’t be this close to Noah and not touch him, so very carefully he slid closer until his chest was resting against Noah’s back. Encouraged by the fact that he didn’t wake up, Luke dared to reach out, wrapping an arm around Noah’s middle. Noah mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, instinctively grabbing onto Luke’s hand and holding it over his own chest. Luke smiled happily; he could feel Noah’s heart beating.

He leaned forward to softly kiss the crook of Noah’s neck, just above where the compress covered the line of bruises. Noah let out a breath, head turning slightly in Luke’s direction. His eyes fluttered open for just a second, but Luke wasn’t sure if he was actually awake or not. “Go back to sleep,” Luke whispered just in case. He placed another brief kiss to the side of Noah’s face.

He was awake, barely. “Thanks for taking care of me,” Noah mumbled. He settled back down more comfortably, still holding tight to Luke’s hand. Luke also burrowed into the blankets, curling his body around Noah’s. “Love you.”

Luke dropped one more kiss onto Noah’s shoulder, smiling again. “Same here.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“He refused?!” Winston slammed his mug down hard on the table with a satisfying crack. At Tim’s nod, Winston shoved the mug to the side and reached for his flask instead, taking a long pull from it. Part of him had really thought that it would be that easy- tell Noah to come with him, and Noah would obey. Noah should obey, he used to follow orders without question. He didn’t like the person Noah had become. All the more reason to get him out and away from Oakdale.

“He didn’t even consider it, Win,” Tim mentioned, sitting across from him at the table. “Not even when I threatened his friends. He’s not going to leave this place willingly.”

“Yes he is,” Winston took another drink. “We just have to convince him.”

Tim glanced at the other two men who were sitting on the other side of cabin. He leaned in closer, lowering his voice. “I just don’t understand why we don’t just go in, grab Noah, and leave.”

“Because Noah has to accept that it’s the right thing first,” Winston hissed back. “If we force him to leave, it will never be right between us, okay? He has to understand why I’m doing this- he has to accept it- or things will turn out like they did last time. And I’ll lose my son for good.” He took another sip from the flask. “That. Cannot. Happen.”

“Yes sir,” Tim responded, eyeing the rapidly emptying flask but saying nothing.

Winston nodded, looking over at Alan and Brett across the room. “Your men, they’ll be up for this?” Several key points of his plan relied specifically on one of these guys.

“You can trust them,” Tim assured him. “They’ll get the job done.”

“We have to get Noah here,” Winston continued, his thoughts already moving on. “If I can just get him here alone and talk to him, I know I’ll get through to him. I can show him the error of his ways. This place is secure, out of the way, safe. They’d have no way of tracking us, I don’t think anyone even knows this place is out here,” he glanced out the window of the cabin to the woods surrounding them.

“We did our research,” Tim agreed. “This place has been abandoned for years.” He took a breath, leaned in even closer. “Now Win, if this is what you want to do, Alan and Brett and I can make it happen. You give me the okay, I can have your boy here by tomorrow night.” He watched as Winston finished off the flask, stuffing it back in his pocket. “Win?”

Winston stood up from the table, intent on finding some more whiskey in the cabin somewhere. “Do it.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Noah opened his eyes slowly, blinking at the brightness of the room. He held himself still, not wanting to accept that he was awake just yet. He had slept through the night, no bad dreams thankfully. He’d never told Luke or anyone else, but he’d always had problems with nightmares ever since he was a little kid. He kept them hidden for the most part, and he had to admit after what had happened yesterday he was kind of surprised that the night had been quiet.

More awareness flooded through him, and the slight movement of an arm hooked around him told him just why he’d had such a good night’s sleep. The hand from that arm was actually clasped in Noah’s own, tucked up near his chin. He was holding it close like a little kid clutched a stuffed animal, and Noah found he was only a tiny bit embarrassed by that, not as much as he thought he’d be. A second hand was trailing lightly through his hair over and over, a soft and soothing gesture. Noah smiled sleepily, finally turning around to face the owner of those hands.

Luke was lying in the bed next to him, watching him. He greeted Noah’s expression with a beautiful smile of his own, warming Noah from the inside out. “Good morning sunshine,” he said quietly in a sing-song voice.

Noah snorted, bringing Luke’s hand up to his lips before letting go. “Morning,” his voice was still scratchy and hoarse from the day before. He could see Luke debating internally on whether or not to check the bruises and decided to put him out of his misery. “How does it look?” he had to lower the pitch of his voice to relieve some of the burning in his throat.

Luke was already reaching to pull away the compress from around Noah’s neck. He frowned at whatever he saw, eyes going back up to meet Noah’s. “It’s not too bad,” he said carefully.

A quiet laugh rumbled in Noah’s chest. “So I guess I’ll be wearing turtlenecks for awhile?” He took Luke’s hand back in his, playing idly with his fingers.

Luke snuggled in closer to him. “Might be a good idea.” He lightly kissed the bruised skin before focusing on Noah’s face again. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine-” he answered immediately.

“-Fine, of course,” Luke answered over him. “Why do I bother asking?” he shook his head exasperatedly, not completely teasing.

Noah kissed Luke’s hand again, placing it behind his own head so that Luke had to wrap an arm up around Noah’s shoulder, moving closer until their noses were almost touching. “Do I not look fine?” he asked quietly, a smirk pulling at his mouth. Somehow, at some point, his hand landed on Luke’s hip, thumb rubbing slow circles into the skin.

Luke was still studying him, but his eyes were brighter, sharper, dancing across Noah’s face. He kissed Noah’s forehead. “I always think you look fine,” he whispered, letting his lips linger against skin. Noah shivered a little, and Luke trailed kisses down the side of his face until he reached Noah’s mouth. Noah leaned in, but Luke pulled back at the last second, causing Noah to make a sound of disappointment. Luke smiled in spite of himself, but he had to say this. “Noah. You know if you need to talk about anything, I’m-”

“Luke.” Noah’s voice was soft, and the deeper pitch of it sent an electric shock radiating throughout Luke’s body. “Thanks, but…” his hand worked its way up from Luke’s hip to slide under his shirt, traveling up Luke’s back. “…I don’t really feel like talking right now.”

Luke couldn’t help but grin. He returned the favor, his hand insinuating itself between cloth and skin to run the expanse of Noah’s chest, slowly sliding the material upwards for easier access. Oh the hell with it. Luke shook his head, giving a little laugh at himself. Before Noah could question him, Luke was pulling his shirt over his head and then making quick work of his own.

Noah’s hands came up to cradle his face and they shared one sweet, gentle kiss before Luke decided to take charge again. He cut another trail of kisses along Noah’s jaw line to his ear. “Anything I can do to help,” he whispered. Whatever Noah was about to say in return was swallowed by Luke’s mouth suddenly and fiercely on his, and then for a little while the two allowed themselves to forget about the drama of life outside Luke’s bedroom door.

Later, the both of them spent but happy, Luke lay wrapped in Noah’s arms, his head on the other’s shoulder, one hand traveling playfully around the bare skin of Noah’s abdomen. “We should just do this all day,” he said contentedly.

“I wish,” Noah whispered back. “I have to get work later.”

“Work? What?” Luke lifted his head. “Noah, if ever there was a day to call out sick…”

“I don’t… I don’t want to break from routine, Luke,” Noah tried to explain, suddenly serious. “I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of upsetting my life.”

Luke’s fingers gently grazed those bruises again. “Yeah, because it’s the break from routine that’s so upsetting about this.”

“It is to me,” Noah insisted. “He’s always controlled me or tried to control me- where I go, what I do,” his arms tightened around Luke, “who I do it with. I don’t want him scaring me away from what’s normal in my life.” After another pause, he added a little sheepishly, “And anyway, it’s the closing shift; I don’t think there’s anyone available to cover it. I have to do it.”

Luke smirked. “You’re such a goody-goody.”

Noah chuckled, bumping his shoulder against Luke’s jaw playfully. “Shut up. Nerd.”

“Geek.”

“Brat.”

“Whiner.”

“Drama queen-”

Luke kissed him then, hard and swift. He always figured it was the best way to win an argument against Noah. “Well, I’m pretty sure your dad doesn’t control this part of your life,” he said, voice husky as he pressed Noah back down onto the mattress. Noah’s smile was more than a little giddy as Luke maneuvered himself to perch on top of him. Noah’s hands moved to Luke’s sides to steady him as Luke propped himself up with his arms on either side of Noah’s head. He leaned in until he was just a few centimeters from Noah’s face. His fingers found themselves once again combing through his boyfriend’s dark, slightly-curly hair. “How long till you have to go to work, then?”

“Long enough,” Noah answered, moving forward to erase that last bit of space between them.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

After spending the rest of the morning with Noah and most of the afternoon and evening at the foundation office, Luke was ready to call it a night. While he had started out the day relaxed- very relaxed, thanks to his boyfriend- as the night wore on and he didn’t receive some kind of all-clear signal from Margo and the cops, his nerves started to get to him. His police shadow had no news for him and couldn’t have been more boring if he’d tried.

Luke decided he needed a change of scenery. He was starving, his eyes were tired from reading documents and notes for the past few hours, and he hadn’t talked to Noah since they had both left the farmhouse in the afternoon. “Off to Java it is, then,” he muttered, more to himself than to Officer Krane.

Noah was alone (except for Officer Thompson), his back to the door, wiping down the last few tables when Luke entered. “Sorry, we’re closing,” he called over his shoulder.

“Aw come on barkeep, just one more?” Luke grinned, hopping onto a stool at the counter.

Noah spun around, face breaking out into a relieved grin of his own. “Hey,” he said happily, leaning in for a quick kiss. “I’ll be finished soon, then we can go h- back to the farm.”

Luke lightly patted his face. “You’re allowed to call it home,” he scolded casually.

Noah ducked his head for a second, shrugging. “Either way, it’ll just be a couple more minutes, okay?”

“Oh, don’t mind me, I like watching you work, gets me all excited.” Teasing Noah was way too much fun.

“What, me cleaning cappuccino machines is a turn on for you?” Noah wasn’t above teasing back, even if it was a little weird to do so in front their police protection. He threw his rag at Luke’s face.

Luke caught it easily. “Ooh baby, everything you do is a turn on for me,” he shot back. Luke counted it as a victory for him when Noah blushed bright red. He would have kept teasing him, but at that moment the lights in Java cut out, leaving all of them in a sudden and terrifying darkness. “What the…” He was up in an instant, Noah moving quickly to stand next to him.

“Is it a power outage?” Noah’s hand found his, clasping it tightly.

The two cops with them moved to flank them on either side, hands resting lightly on their concealed pistols. “I don’t think so, lights are on everywhere else,” one of the cops answered.

“Wishful thinking,” he mumbled, Luke squeezing his hand reassuringly. Noah’s eyes wandered around the dark, empty coffee shop, the lights from Old Town outside casting strange shadows across the walls and floor. He half expected to see his father magically appear in one of the chairs. “What do we do?”

“I’m going to call this in, get some more officers here. The phones have to be working next door,” Noah’s protection officer said. “Noah, you’re parked out back?”

Noah nodded even though he was pretty sure Officer Thompson couldn’t see it. “Yes sir. Are you sure…?”

The cop nodded. “Officer Krane will get you two to Noah’s truck, take you back to the farm.” He nodded to Luke’s protection. “Do it quick.”

“Alright, let’s go,” Krane led Luke and Noah to the back entrance while Officer Thompson went out the front. Krane eased the door open, peering into the parking lot before beckoning Luke and Noah out after him.

They’d barely gone a step when three dark shadows detached from the building and came forward. Hands grabbed them, forced them away from each other, restrained them. “Hey!” Noah yelled as Luke’s hand was pulled away from his. Someone dragged him to the side a few feet as Luke was forced back near the door to Java.

A large man Noah didn’t recognize was holding Luke, keeping him and Noah apart. Unfortunately, Noah did recognize the man fighting with Officer Krane. It was Tim Kelley again, and he made quick work of the policeman, knocking him out efficiently and silently. An arm was wrapped around Noah’s upper chest, while the other grabbed Noah’s own arms and pinned them behind his back.

“What are you doing?” Luke was still facing Noah, being held back by a mountain of a man. Noah was struggling against the man holding him, a man whose face was still hidden in darkness. “What do you want?”

The man restraining Noah stepped closer, Noah stumbling alone with him, and his face was finally revealed in the streetlight. “I just want to talk to my son.”

“Dad?” Noah tried to twist his head around to see his father, wincing as it pulled on his already sore neck muscles. Winston’s grip on him tightened, not allowing Noah to move out of his arms.

“How’ve you been, Noah?” Winston’s voice was calm, tight and controlled, in that tone that froze Noah with an old, almost-forgotten fear.

“Let us go, Dad, please,” Noah stuttered a little. God, he felt like he was seventeen again. “Y-you don’t want to do this.”

“Do what? I just want to talk.”

Luke and Noah locked eyes for a moment, no idea what to do. Noah tried to look at his dad again. “Okay, we’ll talk. Let us go, and you and I can talk. Right here, right now.”

“Noah,” Luke’s voice was soft but warning. He didn’t want Noah making any sort of deal with Winston. The man holding him tightened his grip, an order to stay silent.

Winston, surprisingly, ignored Luke. “Giving orders now, son? I don’t think you’re in a position to be giving orders. But you’re right, we will talk. Just not here.”

“What? What are you-?” Noah was cut off by the sound of an engine coming closer. A van pulled up next to them, driven by another man Noah didn’t recognize.

“Alan?” Tim Kelley called out, obviously asking for a report.

“The other cop is down, sir,” the driver responded. He’s a soldier too, Noah realized. Damn it. Alan eyed Noah, looking him up and down as he struggled in Winston’s grasp.

Winston’s grip on Noah strengthened again, and he forced Noah to take a step back towards the van. “Okay, move out. Brett,” he nodded to the man holding Luke. “He stays here.”

Noah’s eyes widened. “No!” he yelled, renewing his struggles, arms breaking free, surging forward to try to get to Luke. Luke, in the same moment of realization, did the same. They reached for each other, their fingers just barely brushing the other’s before being yanked backwards.

“No, don’t!” Luke cried out as they were separated, Winston and the other man dragging Noah back towards the van. “Noah!”

“Luke!” Noah shouted, just as he was shoved into the back of the vehicle. The Colonel was still holding his son down, trapping his arms. The other man- he did look like Hulk Hogan, was this the guy that attacked Noah yesterday?- jumped in after them. Luke got just a brief glimpse of Noah’s terrified face before it was blocked by the door sliding shut.

“No, no, let him go!” Luke pushed helplessly against the man holding him. The man’s fist cocked back, and Luke only had only a second of warning before what felt like an iron club slammed into his gut. He gasped, vision going gray, and collapsed to the pavement when the man let him go. A kick, maybe two, to the same spot flattened him to the ground.

Vaguely in the background he could hear footsteps running to the van, a door opening and closing, what sounded like Noah yelling out desperately. But Luke could only huddle on the pavement, trying to get air into his lungs. When his senses finally returned and his breath came back to him, Luke looked up frantically. But the van- with Noah inside- was gone.

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Margo talks to Luke, the Colonel talks to Noah, Lily gets help from an unlikely source...

Chapter 3: Three

Summary:

Margo talks to Luke, the Colonel talks to Noah, Lily gets help from an unlikely source.

Alison was near the end of her double shift, counting down the minutes until she’d be allowed to go home and collapse into bed. She was exhausted, but when she turned the corner at the emergency room ward and saw Margo coming out of a room wearing a worried frown, all thoughts of bubble baths and peppermint tea slipped from her mind.

“Hey, is everything okay?” She glanced past Margo’s shoulder into the exam room, shocked to see Luke sitting there with a miserable and numb look on his face. His ribs were being taped up by a resident. “Luke?! What happened?”

Margo took a deep breath, gathering herself. Her face was tight, pale, and Alison got more and more afraid. “Luke has some bruised ribs, but other than that he’s okay physically.”

“Physically? What does that mean?” Alison’s hands were shaking.

For a second Margo actually looked like she might crack. “Do me a favor, Alison, sit with him while I call his parents? I don’t want him to be alone right now.”

“Yeah, sure, absolutely.” It wasn’t until Margo had left and Alison was opening the door that she realized she had forgotten to ask where Noah was.

Luke was back in his shirt and sitting on the exam room bed, staring down at his hands. The resident had finished wrapping his ribs and, with a nod to Alison, left them alone. Alison cautiously took a seat next to the bed. “Luke?” she called softly. He didn’t respond, didn’t so much as twitch a muscle. “Luke, honey, look at me.” She laid her hand on top of his, jostling it slightly. Luke finally looked up at her, and Alison felt all the air leave her lungs at the emotions fighting for control on his face. Something really bad had happened. “Talk to me, okay? Can you tell me what happened?”

Luke swallowed hard, eyes watery. “They took Noah.” Alison gasped. “They took him right in front of me, and I couldn’t stop them.” His voice was drained, nearly emotionless. He had to be in shock.

“God, Luke…” Alison moved to perch on the edge of the bed. Luke tensed slightly, but didn’t move away. “Are you hurt anywhere else? What did they do to you?” Who was ‘they?’

Luke stared at her, the answer obvious. What did they do to him? “They took Noah.” His face crumpled slowly, as if the reality of that was finally sinking in. Alison threw her arms around him and, mindful of his ribs, pulled him close into a hug. He leaned into her embrace, shaking and trying not to cry in full-out panic. Alison rocked him gently, trying not to cry herself. She had no idea what else to do.

A few seconds later a new pair of arms wrapped around her, causing Alison to jump and turn her head. Casey was now sitting next to her, his face pale and drawn. He hugged her tightly, one hand coming around to rest on Luke’s trembling shoulder. “I just saw my mom, she told me what happened,” he murmured. A little louder, “Luke, I am so sorry. But you know my mom, she’ll find Noah. Everything will… will work out fine. He’ll be okay.”

“And anything we can do to help, we will,” Alison added. She and Casey both stood up slowly when the door opened, letting in Holden, Lily, and Margo. Lily was silent, tears already streaming down her face, as she hurriedly took Alison’s place on the bed next to Luke, holding him close to her. Holden moved to the other side, laying his hand on Luke’s hair. Casey and Alison backed up near the door, Casey going to stand next to his mother. He looked over at her, and she squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked after a few minutes. Luke just shook his head, and Lily looked around for help.

Alison pulled his chart out from its holder, scanning quickly. “A few bruised ribs, but none are broken. No concussion, no other bruises or lacerations. He’s on a mild painkiller right now, he might be a little groggy for awhile,” she quietly filled Lily in. “It looks like once the doctor checks him out he’ll probably be free to go home.”

“Thanks Alison,” Lily spoke quietly, arms still around her son.

“No problem. I’ll, uh,” she glanced back and forth between Margo and the Snyders, “I mean, Casey and I will go find the doctor, see if we can’t get him out sooner,” she grabbed Casey’s arm and pulled him out the door before he could protest.

But once he was out in the hall, “Hey, what was that for? I want to stay-”

“We don’t want to overwhelm Luke, Casey. He’s probably going to have to tell your mom what happened, and the less people around-”

“-The better,” Casey finished for her. “Yeah, okay, good point. He does seem freaked out enough already.”

“Wouldn’t you be? He was attacked, Noah was taken,” Alison was starting to feel her own panic build up.

“I can’t believe Noah was-” Casey exhaled with a sigh. “I mean, I know his dad was- is- a bad guy, but…”

“He tried to kill Luke,” Alison pointed out. “And Dusty. And he did kill Noah’s mother.”

Casey winced, ran a hand through his hair. “So what’s he gonna do to Noah?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Noah resisted and struggled, pushing and pulling against hands and arms that held him in place. He fought when handcuffs were slapped around his wrists, trapping his hands behind his back. He fought when a cloth was forced into his mouth and tied around his head. He was struggling blindly, trying to twist and turn out of their holds, trying to escape, trying to get out.

It wasn’t until a hand slapped him hard across the face, punctuated by a shout of “Noah!” that he finally stilled, breathing harshly through his nose, wincing at the sting on his cheek. Winston was crouched in front of him in the van as it sped away from Java. From Luke. Once they had thrown him in the van he hadn’t been able to see… God, what had they done to Luke?

He tried to yell at his father, turn around to look out a window or something, but Winston grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, knocking him back against the side of the van. Noah winced as his head connected with the metal behind him, took a moment to catch his breath, and then glared up at his father.

“You have to calm down, son,” Winston said, keeping his grip on Noah’s shoulders tight. “Now, I need to talk to you. And it has to be alone. Not with that boy around, or those people who let you think you’re a part of their family.” Noah shook his head, disbelieving. This was how his father defined “talking?” He was handcuffed and gagged in the back of a moving vehicle!

Winston seemed to understand what his son was thinking. “We’re just going somewhere private, Noah. There are things I need to say, things I need you to understand before we can start our lives over. Together.”

At that, Noah’s eyes widened impossibly further. He shook his head frantically. He tried to yell through the gag again; there was no way he was starting life over with the Colonel. No, he had a life that he loved, a boyfriend and a family that he loved, and there was no way his father was going to convince him otherwise.

Winston narrowed his gaze, frowning at Noah. “Son, I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. Just give it some time, you’ll see that this is for the best. Trust me.” Noah closed his eyes, feeling despair wash over him. This was a nightmare, just a dream, it had to be. When he opened his eyes, he’d be back in bed at the farm, covered in blankets, Luke’s warmth and comfort lying next to him. This had to be a dream.

But no, another slap to the face brought Noah back to reality, his eyes opening on instinct. Winston was still glaring at him. Noah rubbed his aching cheek against his shoulder, glaring right back. He shook his head decisively. No.

Winston moved a lot quicker than Noah expected. He seized Noah’s chin callously, fingers pressing into Noah’s cheeks and jaw so tight Noah was sure they’d leave bruises. No matter how hard he struggled, his father wouldn’t loosen his grip. “Noah,” he said firmly. “This is the way it has to be. You’ll see that, I know you will.” Finally he let go, and Noah pushed himself back and away until he was huddled at the far end of the van away from his father and Sergeant Kelley. The two men he didn’t recognize sat in the front.

He watched with slightly fearful eyes as his father approached him again, this time with a rag in one hand and a bottle in the other. He tracked the Colonel’s movement with his eyes, no where left to run. “We’re not going far, but you’ll understand my precaution,” Winston continued, trying to sound reasonable. “It’s for the best if you don’t know our location and how to get there.”

Noah was very much of the mind that what his father thought was best for him was probably a bad idea. And he was proven right, as the cloth was doused in whatever was in the bottle- chloroform maybe?- and then pressed against Noah’s face. He tried to turn his head, fight, hold his breath, anything, but as always his father was stronger than him.

It wasn’t long before black spots danced in front of Noah’s face, his vision going gray around the edges. There was a sickeningly sweet smell in the air, accompanied by a bitter taste in the back of his throat. The muscles in his neck, which had been throbbing mercilessly, were now numb. As was the rest of his body. He felt himself sliding downwards, and he was unconscious before his body hit the floor.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Luke,” Margo stepped forward hesitantly. Luke tensed, knowing what was coming. His fear was confirmed a second later. “I need you to tell me what happened tonight.”

“Margo, can’t this wait until-?” Lily began, her arms tightening protectively around her son.

“We don’t know if Noah has that kind of time, Lily,” Margo interrupted gently. That shut Lily up. She glanced fearfully over to Holden, who nodded somberly. Slowly, Lily eased her embrace off of Luke, gently settling him back onto the pillows of the raised bed.

Luke was looking at Margo, gathering himself to talk. “We were at Java,” his voice was quiet, nearly emotionless. “The electricity cut out, and Officer Thompson told us to go out to Noah’s truck and get home. We stepped out back, and they were waiting for us.”

“They?” Margo questioned.

“Yeah, there were three of them. Four,” he shook his head, correcting himself. “Four. A guy was driving the van. There was a guy holding me, a guy on Officer Krane, and Colonel Mayer grabbed Noah.”

“Can you describe the van at all, Luke?” Margo asked.

Luke wasn’t listening. “The driver said the other cop was down…” He looked up suddenly. “How are Officer Krane and Officer Thompson?”

Margo grimaced briefly. “Officer Krane’s going to be fine. A bad concussion, dislocated shoulder, but he’ll be alright. Officer Thompson is… still in surgery. Skull fracture.”

Luke swallowed, suddenly feeling like he was going to throw up. “I didn’t get a good look at the van. It was black, old-looking. A sliding door on one side.” The image of Noah being thrown past that sliding door was seared into his brain. “I think it had Illinois tags, but I didn’t see the numbers or anything. I’m sorry Margo, maybe if I had-”

“Luke, you were attacked, nearly knocked unconscious. There’s nothing you could have done,” Holden spoke up, reassuring.

Luke shook his head. “I knew they were going to leave me behind. Colonel Mayer told the guy holding me…” he trailed off suddenly, frowning, searching for a memory.

“Luke?” Lily prompted, worried.

“He called him Brett.” Luke looked straight at Margo, eyes widening. “The guy holding me was Brett, and the driver’s name was Alan. I didn’t hear the other guy’s name, but it was probably Tim Kelley; Noah said he and his dad have been friends for years. All of them talked like they were military guys.”

Margo smiled encouragingly. “That’s great, Luke. Good. That’ll help us search for the accomplices.”

“What’s the next step after that?” Holden asked anxiously.

Margo sighed. “Well, we have to determine whether or not Colonel Mayer took Noah and left town, or whether they’re holed up nearby. Once we’ve identified the men he’s working with, which we should be able to do now-” Margo smiled at Luke. “-Then we’ll look for any local places they may have ties to, somewhere they may seek out shelter. A couple officers from the Military Police who knew the Colonel in Missouri are going to give us hand. We’ll find them,” she said confidently.

“Wh-what if,” Luke cleared his throat, tried again. “What if they did leave town? What if Colonel Mayer took Noah and is planning on leaving the country, like he tried to do with Ameera?” Lily went pale, the possibilities of what was happening to Noah now running through her mind. She tightened her hold on her son. Luke didn’t even feel it.

Margo reached forward, clasping her hand on Luke’s arm. “We won’t let that happen, Luke. We’ll get Noah back, okay? I’ll do everything in my power to get him back.” She exchanged a few more words with his parents, words that Luke couldn’t get himself to listen to, and then she was gone.

Luke wondered if he was supposed to say something, but he couldn’t get himself to do it. What did it matter what he said now? It wouldn’t bring Noah back. He took an overly deep breath, actually relishing in the pain it caused from his bruised midsection. He needed to feel something. The painkillers- and probably shock- were clouding his mind, making him feel too numb. He didn’t want to feel numb.

He actually didn’t understand why he wasn’t up out of this bed right now, searching the entire town for Noah, going door to door, putting his picture on milk cartons. His boyfriend was missing, taken by four obviously dangerous men. He needed to get Jack involved with the cops. No, he needed to get Lucinda involved with… whoever she could get involved with. They had to find his boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend seemed like such a trivial word. Noah was so much more than that. Next time he saw him, Luke was going to tell him.

Noah was everything.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Winston stood very still, watching his son- his son- awaken slowly. Noah shook his head back and forth a few times, trying to clear it. His bright blue eyes were cloudy with the after-effects of the drug, along with confusion and pain. He immediately zeroed in on Winston, frowning in both anger and fear. 

He watched with something akin to pride as Noah visibly pushed away his panic and assessed the situation, glancing at every corner of the dark, dank room, testing the strength of the handcuffs binding him to the chair they had set him on. He coughed mutedly, tossing his head a little to try and dislodge the gag still in his mouth.

“I have some water, if you want it,” Winston finally spoke. Noah stilled, frowning at him again. Winston held up the bottle of water. “I’ll take the gag off, but you have to remain calm, understand?” Noah weighed his options, coughed again, and reluctantly nodded. Winston came forward, reaching out and yanking the cloth out of Noah’s mouth. Noah coughed harshly a few times, licking his lips and grimacing at the chloroform’s aftertaste. He drank greedily from the water bottle the Colonel held up to his mouth.

Too soon, the water was pulled away, and Noah silently groaned at its absence. He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering himself for whatever was about to happen. When he opened them, he was startled to see his father sitting directly in front of him. Noah couldn’t even figure out where the extra chair had come from. “Well, Noah, are you ready to talk?” Winston asked, sounding very serious.

Noah kept calm, maintaining eye contact. “What did you do to Luke?” he asked quietly.

A sharp hit to his jaw rocked his whole body to the side, nearly causing the chair he was in to fall over. He gasped a few times before turning back to the Colonel, staring incredulously. Was his father really going to do this to him? Tie him to a chair and beat him like some prisoner of war?

“First thing you need to learn, son. You will not speak of that boy ever again,” Win ordered firmly. Oh. So, not a prisoner of war. Noah was apparently learning to be a Mayer-In-Training. He didn’t want to be a Mayer anymore. He swore to himself, the second he and Luke got married he was changing his name to Snyder so fast…

Luke…

“Just tell me if he’s okay?” Noah pleaded. Another punch, directly over his eye, blurred his vision for a few seconds. “Please,” he tried again. A hit to his chest. He sat there, trying to remember how to breathe. Luke was okay, he had to be okay.

“You will not speak of that boy again,” a voice above him spoke, stressing every word.

The surreality of this hit Noah like one of his father’s fists. “What do you want, Dad? Why are you doing this?” Noah found his voice again.

“We need to start our lives over, Noah. Together. The only way we can be a family- you can have a family again- is if we agree to leave together and never come back.”

“I already have a family,” Noah whispered. He was expecting to be hit for that, and wasn’t disappointed. He felt the skin of his cheek split, blood slowly beginning to drip down his face. Well, I may be tied to a chair and terrified, but at least I’ll look like a badass.

“I am your only family,” Winston hissed. “I’m your father. You owe everything in your life to me!”

No way. He really was delusional. “I. Owe you. Nothing,” Noah gritted out behind clench teeth. “You’ve been nothing but a disappointment to me.”

“You want to talk about disappointment?” Winston shouted in his face. Noah had to turn his face, not able to look his father in the eye. “What have you done with yourself, Noah? What have you done with your life? You’re nothing now, nothing. You need constant validation for everything you do, you have to have people around you to make you feel good about yourself… when all you are is nothing.”

Noah refused to look up until he had himself under control. His father was always able to do this, always able to bring Noah’s biggest fears and biggest faults to the surface. But now he couldn’t let the Colonel use it to control him. “If I’m such a horrible son, then let me go. Just go away and never come back.” He wasn’t begging, he wouldn’t let himself beg.

“Son, you don’t understand.” (He apparently never did, Noah wanted to retort.) “We can’t let go of the past, I can’t change what has happened. The only way I can see us putting that all behind us is to accept that it happened… and move on, together. You have to see what I did was for the best, the right thing to do. Then… then everything will be better. For both of us. I promise.” Winston’s voice and expression were so sincere, which Noah had to admit freaked him out more than a little.

“No,” he said sadly. “No, Dad. What you’ve done- what you’re doing- is wrong. I’ve got my own life now, and it’s good. I’m doing well, and for the first time in pretty much ever… I’m happy. You want to start over, fine. Go. You want me to say I forgive you? They’ll just be words, I can’t mean them.”

Winston gripped Noah’s jaw, forcing him to look up. They stared at each other for a few moments, Noah glaring as defiantly as a person in his position could. Winston blinked, somewhat surprised. “Gotta say, I’m a little impressed, Noah. Didn’t see it going this way.” He let go, patting Noah’s cheek. Noah pulled away angrily. Winston chuckled, “You just don’t understand, boy. No one else cares about you, your future, like I do. You think that family you’re freeloading off of really cares about what happens to you?”

Noah couldn’t help but flinch. Freeloading. How could his dad know he still felt like he was imposing on the Snyders, despite everything they’ve said to the contrary? No matter how nicely they treated him, Noah was sure they saw him as Luke’s boyfriend, not a member of the family. He didn’t expect them to, of course, but hearing Winston say it hurt more than he thought it would.

“Why shouldn’t you just come with me?” Winston was talking again, towering over his son. “Wouldn’t they all be better off? One less mouth to feed?” He smirked, sitting back down in the chair across from Noah. “They might miss you at first, but they’ll get over it. You know they will. What do you have to offer them, why should they care?”

“Why do you care?” Noah burst out, frustrated, feeling his blood pressure rising. If his heart was beating any harder it would knock him out of the chair. He once again couldn’t believe the Colonel was doing this. How could he claim to want what’s best for his son, and try to get it by hurting him? Noah’s head was spinning, he was just so confused.

“Because you’re my son, Noah. Not theirs. They can’t possibly be there for you like I could. Like I have been.” He leaned in close. “Given the opportunity, would anyone in that town choose you?”

Noah glared again, finding a bit of strength left in him, centered around the thought of one person. “Luke would.”

The punch landed solidly against his ribs, and Noah felt a bone give way a little bit. He had to bite his lip to keep from crying out at that. But it was worth it. If only to remind himself that Luke was out there, that Luke would try to help him, it was worth it.

“I told you not to mention that boy again!” the Colonel screamed at him. Noah ducked his head without thinking, falling back on old habits. The past two years had seen him grow a lot as a person, but it was hard to break eighteen years of instinct- his father yelling at him, intimidating him again, just like old times. “That was your last warning, do you understand me?!” Noah remained silent and stared at the ground, trying to lock himself away inside like he used to, hide as much of himself as he could from his dad. He nodded finally.

But Winston kicked at him, sending the chair skidding back a few inches. Noah’s head and back collided roughly with the hard surface behind him. “I said, do you understand?”

Noah fought to control his breathing. “Yes sir,” he said dejectedly. Looks like Colonel Mayer was going to win this round. At this point, just a little bit, Noah started to hate himself.

“Good. Now,” the Colonel settled down calmly in his chair again. “Let’s move on to the next lesson, shall we?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Lily held onto Luke’s arm as she and Holden walked him into the living room and straight to the couch. He hadn’t spoken much since giving his statement to Margo, which Lily had to admit terrified her. Usually when something went wrong Luke was firing on all cylinders and they’d have a hard time holding on to him. But now… now he was listless, quiet. He settled down on the cushions and let Lily fuss over him without a complaint, something else he would normally never do.

Holden eyed him sadly before turning to Lily. “I’m going to make a few calls, let Mama know what’s happened, maybe see what Jack can do,” he said quietly. Lily nodded, taking her eyes off Luke briefly to look at her husband. He nodded back knowingly, hugging her tightly before going off to the kitchen.

Lily went back to Luke, sitting down next to him. “Honey?” She spoke softly. “Do you want anything? Do you want to talk about…?”

“I promised him, Mom,” Luke’s voice sounded so impossibly young.

“What?”

“I sat next to him at the farm, two days ago, and I promised him that nothing was going to happen, that his father wouldn’t hurt him again.” He turned desolate eyes on to his mother. “I promised him.”

“Oh, Luke,” Lily drew him to her again, holding him close against her. This time he leaned into the embrace, his own arms coming up to wrap around her. She rocked back and forth a little, whispering soothing words into his hair, rubbing his back. “You couldn’t have known this would happen, none of us did.”

“But Noah-” Luke pulled back, shaking his head.

Lily captured his face in her hands, stilling him. “Noah is going to come back to us, safe and sound. We have to believe that. We have to hold on to hope. And you have to remember that none of this is your fault, and beating yourself up about it won’t help anyone.” She kissed the top of his head then pulled him close to her. “It’s going to be hard, and you may not want to, but you have to keep it together and stay strong. When this is all over, Noah’s going to need you, understand?”

She felt him nod against her chest. She squeezed him tighter for a second before letting go, helping him settle back against the couch again. He let out a heavy, bone-deep sigh and closed his eyes, though Lily knew he was no where near close to falling asleep. “Can I get you anything? Something to eat, or…?”

Luke shook his head, eyes kept firmly shut. “I- I can’t right now. Thanks, Mom, but… maybe later?”

She tried to smile. “Sure. Just say the word.” She got up from the couch, resolving to take tomorrow and the next few days off from the hotel to stay with him. She headed to the kitchen after Holden, pausing one last time in the doorway to study her son. Luke was sitting up now, eyes open and staring down at his watch, fiddling with the clasp, reading the inscription etched on the inside.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Lily heaved an exhausted sigh as she crossed the threshold into the Lakeview early the next morning, going directly to the front desk. The clerk on duty jumped at her arrival, looking surprised. “Mrs. Snyder! I didn’t know you would be in today,” he greeted her.

She attempted a smile. “Technically, David, I’m not. I’m actually taking the next few days off- family emergency- and I was hoping to take home all those tax forms and busy work we need to catch up on. Let everyone know they can reach me at home if they need me, okay?”

“Sure, I’ll do that,” he looked at her, puzzled, before going back to her office to grab the papers for her. Lily’s smile dropped immediately from her face, and she leaned tiredly against the counter, head in her hands.

“Lily?” a voice behind her, a hand on her shoulder.

She turned reluctantly, not in the mood for socializing, only to see Dusty looking at her with concern. “Dusty, hi,” her voice sounded as bad as she felt.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, brow furrowed.

Lily wasn’t sure what to say. “What? Oh, it’s nothing, I-”

“I heard you say something about a family emergency? Is everything okay?”

She went back and forth on what exactly she could say to answer that question. But then she remembered that Dusty had been involved in the trouble with Colonel Mayer when he had first come to town, and he had also looked after Noah during a lot of that. Maybe he had a right to know… “No, things aren’t okay. Noah’s been kidnapped.” She almost choked on the word.

“What?” Dusty took her arm, leading her to the couch nearby. They both sat, Dusty shaking his head in disbelief. “When? Who… Do you know who? Or why?”

Lily swallowed, just barely maintaining eye contact. “Colonel Mayer came back to Oakdale.”

“He faked his death,” Dusty said, more a confirmation than a question. He didn’t look all that shocked, but then Lily remembered that Dusty had some experience in that area. Lily nodded, and Dusty leaned forward. “And he took Noah? When?”

“Last night,” Lily could feel tears starting to well up in her eyes.

“How’s Luke?”

And now the tears started to fall. “Not good. He was there when Noah was taken, ended up with a few bruised ribs. And of course now he blames himself. He’s not eating, hasn’t really slept…”

“He cares about Noah a lot,” Dusty replied gently. “He loves him. Of course he’s going to have trouble.” They sat in silence for a moment. “Have you eaten? Or slept?”

Lily smiled ruefully. “Like mother, like son. Every time I close my eyes, I just see Noah- alone, hurt, scared somewhere. And there’s nothing I can do.” She wiped the tears away angrily. “I think of Noah as one of my own, Dusty. And I hate this feeling of not being able to save him.”

“Have the police been able to do anything?”

“They’re trying, but they haven’t found much yet. Jack has been keeping Holden updated all night, but…” she shook her head. “We have no idea where Noah might be.”

Dusty closed his eyes for a moment, taking it all in. When he opened them again, Lily could see that familiar Dusty-determination in them. “I’ll swing by the station, see if there’s anything I can do.”

“Dusty, I can’t ask you to do that,” she sighed.

He held up a hand, cutting her off. “You’re not. Noah’s a good kid, and he’s always been a friend to me. I’m doing this for him.”

Lily smiled then, a genuine smile. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Dusty smiled, moving with her as she stood up and went back to the front desk. She took the folders and files from David, and headed out of the Lakeview with a tired wave to Dusty. He waited until she was out of sight before pulling out his cell phone. It was time to make some calls, see what information he could dig up. There was no way the Colonel was going to get away with this.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He didn’t know what time it was. He didn’t know what day it was. He had no idea how long he’d been sitting there in that dark, cold room. The cuts and bruises on his face ached. His shoulders and arms were throbbing, while his hands were slowly going numb. He was pretty sure that a rib was cracked. Noah was tired, hungry, thirsty. And scared.

His father had left him some time ago, and Noah assumed he was going to get some sleep. He wished he could do the same, but there was absolutely no position he could get to that eased the pain he was in enough to rest. Leaning his head back just pulled on the already bruised muscles at his throat. Hanging his head down caused the ache in his shoulders to reach screaming levels. It was a lose-lose situation for Noah Mayer.

God, he just wanted to be with Luke right now. Luke could always make him feel better, about anything, even when he wasn’t trying to. Did Luke even know how much he had done for Noah since they had met? He had to tell him. Noah probably wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for him. Maybe he’d still be breathing, but he wouldn’t be living. If he had grown at all as a person in the last two years, it was because of Luke. One of the things he was scared about now was that spending too much time with his father would turn him back into the shell of a person that he used to be. He couldn’t survive going back to that… No. Noah could survive this, he couldn’t let his father win.

His head started to drop to his chest again, and this time Noah let it happen. He pictured himself away from here. In Luke’s bed at the farm, surrounded by crazy amounts of striped shirts, with Ethan and the girls making way too much noise down the hall, Emma cooking down in the kitchen. Maybe Lily was down there with her, Holden out in the barn with the horses. Luke was in bed next to him, wrapped around him, holding on to him. Noah felt a tear drop from one eye, tracing a stinging path down his cheek as it hit the cut there, mixing in with the blood on his face.

He realized then that even if his father was right- even if the Snyders didn’t consider him to be a part of their family… they were his. He missed them so much right now that it almost physically hurt. He hated being alone, and right now he was more alone than he’d ever been before. He let out a pained and shaky breath, and then Noah, for the first time in a long time, started to cry.

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Noah tries to stand up to his father, Dusty does some investigating, a trip to the police station doesn't go well...

Chapter 4: Four

Summary:

Noah tries to stay strong, Dusty does some investigating, a trip to the police station doesn't go well for Luke.

Noah turned his head to the side, spitting blood out of his mouth. He coughed a few times before turning back, glaring half-heartedly out of the eye that wasn’t going blurry. It wasn’t his father’s fuzzy shape in front of him. No, the Colonel was standing off to the side, by the stairs that led up to somewhere. A cabin? Noah had the feeling, judging by the look of the basement and the brief glimpse he’d gotten of the room above him, that he was in a cabin of some sort.

“Hey, kiddo, you still paying attention?” A sharp tap to the side of his head had Noah focusing back on Sgt. Kelley standing over him.

He turned his glare back over to his father. “This isn’t going to work,” he said as calmly and coherently as he could. “Whatever your game is…”

“There is no game, Noah. This is your life we’re talking about,” the Colonel’s voice was cold, serious. “I’m just trying to put you back on the right track.”

“Back on your track, you mean,” Noah shook his head. “No way. You’re insane.”

Tim smiled darkly before delivering a swift hit to Noah’s midsection. “Watch the attitude, son.”

Noah coughed harshly, trying to curl in on himself and ease the ache in his body. His arms cuffed behind him kept him from moving too far. “I’m not your son,” he growled lowly, not able to lift his head. He was, however, able to twist it around so he could lock eyes with the Colonel. “I’m not yours either. Not anymore.” After everything that had happened, even after praying some nights for his father to be alive to reconcile with him, Noah was sure of this. The Colonel wasn’t worth it.

There was a beat of silence, and in that time Noah wondered if maybe he had crossed the line with his remark. Winston’s face betrayed no emotions, and Noah had to admit that it scared him. Tim obeyed some unspoken command and backed away to the corner of the room while Winston came closer to Noah.

They stared at each other, and then Noah couldn’t help but flinch when his father reached out and clasped Noah’s shirt, tangling his fist in the material and pulling Noah towards him, causing him to strain against the handcuffs again. He could feel tiny rivulets of blood dripping down his clenched hands. It tickled, just another annoyance heaped upon his body right now.

“Noah,” Winston said, very seriously. “No matter what either of us have said or done, we’re family. Nothing can change that, nothing can hide that.” Noah turned away but Winston shook him, bringing his attention back. “You’re my son, and I love you.”

Noah started, incredulous. “You love me?” He shook his head furiously, at a loss. “Look at me, Dad. Look at me!” He knew he was a mess. He could feel cuts and bruises littering his face and chest. His vision was getting blurry on the left side, which meant either a concussion or at the very least his eye was swelling up. Maybe (or with his luck: definitely) both. Noah felt shaky, weak, and was possibly dying of thirst. And his father had orchestrated this, helped do this to him. “What you’re doing isn’t out of love, Dad. You’re sick and you need help.”

“What I need is for you to accept who we are as a family-”

“Are you kidding me?” His dad really wanted to get into a discussion about accepting people for who they are? “Have you accepted that I’m gay?”

Winston backhanded him across the face, hard but not too hard. It didn’t leave Noah’s ears ringing, which was a plus. “Stop this, Noah. This isn’t you, any of this. And this… defiance, this backtalk-”

“This standing up for myself?” he murmured. He was braced and ready for the hit when it came this time. It didn’t even really hurt anymore.

“It doesn’t have to be like this. As soon as you accept what your life is supposed to be, we can go back to being the family we once were.” He looked so utterly convinced of this.

Noah almost laughed at the surreality of it all. “When was this- when were we this nice, happy family? When I was two, before you made my mother leave me? No. We were never happy, Dad. I was never happy. Not on the bases, not in the closet. Not with you.” Winston pulled back sharply as though he’d been the one hit this time. Noah wished. “I hated my life. The only parts about it that kept me going were the parts I had to hide from you. I didn’t even know I could be happy until I came to Oakdale-” until I met Luke- “and got away from you.” By now, Noah was out of breath. See, this is why he was a director and not an actor- he could never handle a monologue. “Dad, we’d both be better off if you just left me here and disappeared. For good.”

It didn’t even hurt anymore.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Holden was actually kind of proud of himself. Not only had he gotten Luke to talk to him this morning, he’d also gotten his son to agree to come to Old Town with him and run some errands, and even get lunch at Al’s. He kept himself from celebrating too much though. It’s not like they had that much else to be happy about right now. Despite his repeated phone conversations with Jack throughout the night, there had been no developments. He and Lily had stayed up basically the entire night, worrying about Luke, worrying about Noah.

Lily was now stuck with unenviable task of breaking the news to Lucinda and the kids. Holden had already spoken to Emma, having to explain why they were back at the house and not at the farm. Emma had been upset, of course. She had such a soft spot for Noah- even confessing to Holden once that he reminded her of Holden’s father Harvey as a young man. Man, Holden would pay money to see Noah’s reaction to that.

But right now, it was just a little easier not being smothered by Snyders. Luke was still too quiet. His ribs were much better today, which was why Holden had suggested going outside for a bit. He knew there was no way to get their minds off of what was going on, but anything felt better than just sitting and waiting. And overthinking.

God, when Holden thought about the damn Colonel, what he’d do to the bastard if he ever got his hands on him… Every time that man appeared he wreaked havoc on Luke’s and Noah’s lives. These were two good, caring, decent kids who were becoming men of the same quality- what had they ever done to deserve this?

His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his cell. Both he and Luke tensed, filled with equal parts hope and dread. Holden fumbled for the phone, pulling it out of his jacket pocket, checking the screen. And deflated. “It’s Ken,” he said quietly to Luke, apologetically. One of his horse buyers. “I’ll call him back later-”

“No, it’s okay,” Luke cut him off. “I’ll go ahead to Al’s and order.” The words sounded normal enough, but Luke was still using that deadened, monotone voice.

Holden hesitated. He did need to take this call, but… “You sure you-”

“Dad.” Luke gave him a look. “I can be left alone. With a milkshake. In a public place.” For a second his old spark was back, and Holden couldn’t help but smile. He nodded, flipping open his phone.

Luke pushed open the door to Al’s, keeping a sort of tunnel vision directed at the counter and Henry taking orders behind it. The tunnel vision had served him pretty well so far today. If he didn’t look around, he didn’t see every single spot in Oakdale that reminded him of Noah. Al’s had that one corner booth they tended to favor, so Luke purposefully didn’t look to the right as he approached the counter. “Hey Henry.”

“Hey Luke,” Henry gave him a once over, obviously noticing something was off but thankfully not saying anything. “The usual?”

“Yeah, for me and Dad, thanks.” He took a seat at the counter- don’t look to the right- as Henry put the order in.

“Luke!” a figure came dashing out of the kitchen, enveloping him in a warm hug. “Oh kid, you okay?”

Luke hugged Janet back, at first reflexively but then sinking into the comfort that was offered. “I’m… well, I’m-”

“Oh God, stupid question, I know. Sorry. Are you feeling alright though? When Jack and Emma told me what happened, I admit, I almost had a heart attack. I’m so sorry…” Janet finally paused to take a breath, allowing Luke to catch his. She patted the side of his face. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do, okay?”

Luke nodded, a little overwhelmed. “There’s not much any of us can do, they-”

Janet waved her hand through the air. “If there’s anything I can do for you. Or for Noah when he’s back. I could make you some- no, I bet your grandma’s already baking up a storm. Maybe I could-”

“Janet,” Luke cut in quietly, trying not to let his eyes well up at hearing Noah’s name. Janet stopped mid-tirade, looking at Luke, almost fearful that she was pushing him too far. But Luke just smiled weakly, hugging her again. “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”

Henry brought the food over as Janet released Luke from the hug and headed back to the kitchen. This time he definitely looked more concerned. And he definitely was going to say something. “Luke. What’s going on?”

Luke took a deep breath. Just how, exactly, do you explain that the love of our life has been taken by his own psychotic father? “Um, remember Noah’s dad?”

“Colonel Crazy? Yeah, he’s kind of hard to forget,” Henry shuddered. “He died last year, right?”

“That’s what we thought,” he murmured in reply, playing with the straw of his milkshake.

Henry’s eyebrows flew upwards. “He’s alive?! He’s in Oakdale?”

Luke grimaced, grinding his teeth together. “He and some guys attacked us last night.” He waved away Henry’s interruption. “I’m fine, but they took Noah. We don’t know where they are, what they’re doing to-” he cut himself off with a shake of his head.

Henry was uncharacteristically quiet and still. He stared at Luke, shaking his head in shock. “Wow, Luke, I… I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

Luke gave what had to be the most pathetic excuse for a smile in the history of smiles. “Yeah, um, do me a favor? Don’t… don’t tell Maddie. At least not yet. I can barely deal with my own freak out right now, I won’t be able to handle her calling to check up on me.”

“I can’t promise anything, Luke. For you and Noah, Maddie would want to know… but I’ll try to keep her at bay for awhile. Anything else? I mean, I probably can’t do much against Colonel Kurtz… and I’m not really much of a private investigator or a spy… The closest I get to James Bond is the martini. But if there’s anything…” Henry, realizing he was rambling, tried to wrap it up by offering a little smile.

“Thanks,” Luke grabbed the food, seeing his dad end his call outside, and stood up. He needed to be home now. He needed to be by the phone, his computer, the mailbox. Every possible form of communication monitored, just in case.

“Luke…” Henry called out as Luke opened the first set of doors. Luke turned. Henry shrugged, uncomfortable and worried. “Would it be utterly stupid and patronizing for me to say that everything will be okay? That Noah will be okay? Because I believe that. He’s a good guy and he’s strong and he’ll want to get back to you. You’ll get him back.”

Luke didn’t think he’d be able to muster another smile, so he just nodded, thanked Henry again quietly, and headed out. The bright lights and colors in Al’s were becoming just too cheery for him anyway. How dare they be so damn happy when Luke can barely keep from ripping his hair out?

And he could only keep up the tunnel vision for so long. He felt like he was slowly going crazy- that the tunnel vision would close in on him and he would implode. He wanted to scream and he wanted to stay very very quiet. He wanted to punch something (someone) and he wanted to curl up in bed with a stuffed animal and cry. He really wanted to close his eyes, open them, and see Noah standing in front of him alive and well.

Unfortunately, none of those things were going to happen. He was in some sort of limbo, and he needed to do something to break out of it. His mom was right; he needed to be sane and steady for when Noah was rescued. His hands started to shake at the thought of Noah not being rescued, and then Luke had to again force himself not to fly apart.

“Hey,” Holden took the food from him. “You didn’t want to stay and eat?”

“No,” Luke’s voice was short and clipped. When Holden gave him a concerned, calculating once-over, Luke shook his head. “Dad. I have to do something. Anything. I’m going to lose it if I have to just sit around and wait for… for whatever to happen.”

“Luke, I understand what you’re feeling-” Holden tried to put a hand on his son’s shoulder.

Luke shrugged the hand away. “No you don’t. You don’t. Noah is…” he trailed off, taking a step back when Holden tried to touch him again. “It’s Noah. He’s gone and I’m going crazy.”

“And I’ve been there,” Holden broke in firmly. Luke was about to scoff at him and turn away again, but then the reality of his dad’s words hit him. Holden nodded. “When your mom was kidnapped, it was the worst experience of my life. I’ve been there Luke, I know how helpless it makes you feel, how frustrated.”

“So what do I do?” Luke could hear the tears in his voice, even if they weren’t falling down his face.

“You let the cops do their jobs and trust them. You stay strong, and hold on to the idea that the person you love will be coming back to you soon. You stay strong. For him, for the other people who miss him. For yourself.” He wrapped an arm around Luke’s shaking shoulders. “And you have lunch with your old man, and let him try to make you feel better.” He kissed the side of Luke’s head when Luke attempted a smile. “If there is anything you or I can do, we’ll do it. Right now it feels horrible, but we have to wait,” he said softer.

Luke nodded and took a deep breath, brushing away the tears that hadn’t yet fallen. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll… I’ll try.”

Holden started leading Luke away, back to their truck. “That’s all I ask, kiddo. Something is going to turn up, I promise.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Dusty sat in his car, playing idly with his cell, flipping it open and shut. 10:56pm. Lawson said the guy he was looking for had been here at this bar every night for the past three nights, 11pm on the dot. And Lawson was good for this type of info. So Dusty just had to pray the guy would show his face tonight. 10:57pm. Noah had been gone for about two days; the Snyder family had to be a wreck right now.

Dusty had called in more than a few favors, people he had worked with over the years, even people who had helped him fake his own death. Someone had to know something about Mayer and his missing son. And then an old friend, Lawson, had called him two hours ago with a tip. Dusty was now parked outside a bar on the outskirts of Oakdale. 10:59pm. Come on.

11pm. And there he was. Or, at least, there was someone who matched the description Lawson gave him. Dusty waited until the guy was inside the bar before flipping his phone open again. Now, who to call- Margo or Jack? Which one hated him less this week? Doesn’t matter, he’d take his chances with either.

“Oakdale Police Department,” a voice answered.

“This is Dusty Donovan. I need to speak with Margo Hughes or Jack Snyder right away. It’s an emergency.”

Maybe three seconds later- “Dusty, I’ve had just about as many emergencies as I can handle right now,” Margo’s voice sounded a little harsh and hurried in his ear.

“Margo. I found one of the men working for Colonel Mayer,” he said by way of reply.

“How did you even- never mind, I don’t want to know. Where are you?”

“A bar out past the Wagon Wheel. Quentin’s.”

“Okay, I know the place. I’ll be there with backup in twenty minutes. Dusty, I know no matter what I say you’ll do what you want, but please. Please. Don’t do anything stupid. Just keep this guy in sight. Don’t engage with him, but don’t let him leave either.”

“My pleasure,” Dusty eyed the entrance to the place, already getting out of his car.

Margo sighed. “I mean it, Dusty. Him getting away, that’ll be bad. But him getting tipped off to us and then getting away… that’ll be bad for Noah. Don’t risk the boy’s life in your daring heroics, got it?”

Dusty initially bristled at Margo ordering him around, but he forced himself to admit she was right. “Got it.” This was for Noah. “Are we going to wait till he leaves and follow him? See where he leads us?”

“No. If we can apprehend him, we’re going to. We’ve been getting intel on the men working for Mayer, and they’re all former military. Special Ops. Even if we could tail him, wherever he’d be heading would be hard to find. They’d know we were coming way before we’d get there,” Margo sighed. To borrow a phrase from her son, this whole situation sucked.

Dusty was thinking close to the same thing. “Twenty minutes,” he confirmed before hanging up. He spotted the guy as soon as he entered Quentin’s- sitting alone at the bar, nursing a beer. Dusty sat at the opposite end with his back against the wall, watching and studying. He was a big guy, that was for sure, and he definitely looked like ex-military. Dusty wondered if this was the man who had attacked Noah in the Java stockroom, or maybe the one who had hurt Luke the night Noah was taken. He felt his hand clench into a fist and had to force himself to relax.

He ordered a Scotch, keeping a close eye on the man. Honestly, it was hard not to just go over there and beat Noah’s location out of this guy, but Dusty knew that Margo was right. They couldn’t put Noah in jeopardy like that. Just the thought of what the kid must be going through already… Dusty realized he had made a fist again.

Ten minutes later and Margo still wasn’t there. Dusty was starting to get anxious, as the guy had finished his beer and was paying his tab now. He couldn’t let this guy get away, he had to do something. The man stood, collected his jacket, and started to move to the door. Dusty hurriedly threw back the rest of his Scotch and followed. Just as the man was about to reach the exit, Dusty purposefully stumbled into him, trying to look drunk. “Oh, sorry,” he slurred his words just a little, righting himself slowly.

The man glared, annoyed, but obviously didn’t want to start anything or call attention to himself. “It’s fine.”

Too bad, Dusty inwardly challenged him. He grabbed the front of the guy’s jacket, straightening it, brushing off imaginary dirt. “Totally my fault, man. The floor’s been playing tricks on me all night. Let me buy you a drink, buddy. I’ll-”

“That’s okay,” the guy tried to move smoothly away, but Dusty followed him outside to the parking lot.

“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” Not the most original line there, Donovan. But he had to do something to keep him here until Margo showed up.

“Don’t think so,” the man snapped, patience wearing thin. He headed to his car, but Dusty got in his face once again.

Oh, screw it. “You sure? I think you know a friend of mine.” He leaned in closer, any trace of his fake-drunkenness gone. “Noah Mayer. Seen him lately?”

The man tensed. Dusty expected him to lie, play innocent, or maybe make a break for it. So he was more than a little surprised when the man just smirked at him. “I may have spent some time with him not too long ago. Who’s asking?”

He couldn’t believe the gall of this guy. “A friend. Where is he?”

“Spending quality time with his Dad,” the man shot back. “Think of it as a family retreat.”

“I think of it as kidnapping and assault,” Dusty came closer. “Where is he?” he growled again.

The man shook his head. “The kid is gone, friend. And he’s not coming back.”

Dusty looked down, examining his own hands, making sure they weren’t balled up into fists. Where the hell was Margo? “You tell us where his is, it’ll go easier for you in the long run.”

The man snorted. “Easier? You think whatever you do to me would be worse than what the Colonel could do to me? No way, no thanks.”

A tiny burst of fear crept through Dusty. Just what the hell was the Colonel planning on doing? What was he doing to Noah? “Come on man, he’s just a kid. Don’t let this happen to him!” The man opened his mouth slowly, as though considering Dusty’s words. Dusty foolishly let himself hope, but then the guy feinted to the left, shoving Dusty aside, and rushed the last couple of yards to his car.

Dusty cursed himself for letting his guard down and hurried after him. Both men froze, however, at the sound of several cars screeching into the parking lot. Dusty used the momentary distraction to shove the other man violently into the side of his car, pinning him against the metal. The man struggled, but stopped when a half dozen cops converged on them, guns drawn.

Margo and Jack both stepped forward as Dusty let go, allowing a cop to restrain and cuff the guy. “I am so not surprised to see you here,” Jack half-smirked at Dusty before turning back to Margo. She was looking over the suspect with a searching eye. “Well, Margo?”

She nodded. “Based on the photo IDs we got from the Fort Leonard Wood MPs, I’d say this is Brett Henderson. We’ll have to call Luke in to identify him before we charge him with anything, though.”

Jack moved over to Brett, getting in his face. “Brett Henderson? We’re taking you in for questioning.” Getting even closer, “Please. Resist.” Jack’s voice was quiet, dangerous. He and Janet had gotten to know Noah pretty well when he had lived on the farm, and both of them had grown to love the quiet, respectful kid who obviously loved their crazy family.

The deal had been sealed for Jack when he had caught Noah hanging out with Sage one night just after Jack and Carly had had a particularly bad fight. He was watching one of her videos with her and keeping her distracted and entertained with stories about the making of this particular movie. Jack had never been more grateful.

And now he would love to take out some of his worry and frustration on one of the men responsible for Noah’s disappearance, for Luke’s pain, for his family’s pain. But unfortunately (or probably fortunately), the guy didn’t fight. Brett quietly let the cops put him in a squad car and drive off. Jack looked over to Margo and Dusty. “Did you see that? No protest.”

“Maybe it means he’s going to cooperate; he knows he’s busted,” Margo suggested.

“Yeah, maybe.” Jack was doubtful. “He just didn’t seem all that worried.”

“Earlier, he was more afraid of Colonel Mayer than of me or the cops,” Dusty added, obviously feeling what Jack was feeling. This case was no where near over.

“You think we won’t get anything out of him?” Margo asked.

“God, I hope we do,” Jack muttered, running a hand through his hair tiredly. He had been up all last night at the station, working with the MPs to find out exactly who was allied with the Colonel, what they all might want with Noah, where they could have taken him. He was pretty drained, but part of him didn’t want to go home and face everyone- Emma, Janet, Meg, even Sage- and have to tell them they still hadn’t found Noah.

But apparently it wasn’t up to him. “Jack, go home, okay? I’ll call Holden, get him to bring Luke to the station,” Margo ordered. “Get some sleep, and come back to work tomorrow with a clear head.”

“You sure?” he asked. Margo nodded, pointing to his waiting car. Another part of Jack had to admit he really wanted a home-cooked meal right now, anything that wasn’t vending-machine crackers or crappy coffee. Between Emma and Janet, the Snyder kitchen was probably overcooked at this point. The image of that in his brain was enough for him to simply nod in return to both Margo and Dusty and head home.
Margo looked at Dusty. He looked right back at her, one eyebrow raised. She sighed. “Fine. You can come back to the station. But I don’t want you around for the actual questioning, got it? We didn’t exactly do all of this by the book, and you hanging around will just exacerbate things.”

“Fine by me.” Then a moment of consideration. “Thanks, Margo.”

She sighed again, feeling so much older than the age she had been this morning. “Don’t thank me yet, Donovan. Let’s just see if we get anything out of this jackass first.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He felt sick. Even with his eyes closed, the room was spinning. And Noah was pretty sure if he did open his eyes he’d just throw up again. But then, he had to figure he was lucky (relatively) that they had untied him for a bit and let him go to the bathroom, take a shower, drink some water. Thank God for small favors.

Though he was a little weirded out by the guy who had been standing guard outside the bathroom. The man- the van driver from earlier- hadn’t said a word, but the way he had studied and glared at Noah had unsettled him. A lot of things unsettled him right now, and the two pieces of bread they’d given him to eat hadn’t helped. He’d thrown them up about an hour later.

Now he was back in that uncomfortably sturdy chair, tired and shaky. The cuffs were biting in his wrists so harshly that the skin around both was scabbed up, inflamed, and swollen. He was having a hard time swallowing and wished he could have more water. He tried not to think about a Rocky Road milkshake from Al’s, wavering back and forth between absolutely craving one and trying to keep his stomach from turning over at the thought. God, he was miserable.

No one had been down in the basement with him for about two hours. At least he thought it was two hours. He had tried counting the seconds and minutes to pass the time, but he kept forgetting to start over after sixty. His brain just wasn’t his friend today. What day was today? How long had he been here?

His last talk with his dad had been the worst one yet. Somehow Winston had been able to put all the blame of everything- his mother leaving, his horrible childhood, his mother dying and Luke almost dying- on Noah. If only Noah hadn’t acted against his father, Winston wouldn’t have had to do the things he did.

If only Noah had lived up to his potential, if only he had done what his father wanted, hadn’t failed him. If only he had been a better student, a better athlete, a better son, maybe none of this would have happened. Noah had tried to shake his head, deny it, but the lack of food and sleep- and the damn room still spinning- left him unable to argue back, even in his own head.

He was more than a little terrified that his dad’s plan, his manipulation, was starting to work. Noah had to admit that Luke never would have been hurt if he hadn’t defied his father and gone to Oakdale for that internship. Winston had killed Charlene to keep her away from Noah, because he knew Noah was weak enough to be influenced by her. If he had become the son his father wanted maybe he himself would be miserable, but Charlene would probably be alive.

And Luke wouldn’t have been paralyzed or stuck with an emotionally crippled boyfriend. Ameera wouldn’t have been kidnapped and almost sold back to Iraq. Dusty, the Snyders, Maddie… so much bad stuff could have been avoided if it weren’t for him. And did he really contribute any good stuff to the world to counter that?

He wondered what Luke was doing right now, if he was okay, if Holden and Lily were making sure he ate and slept. He hoped so. He hoped Luke was taking care of himself. And while it was admittedly selfish, Noah hoped there were people out trying to find him too. He knew they were probably worried for him, but he wasn’t sure how far anyone in Oakdale (besides Luke of course, and maybe Faith and Natalie) would go for him. Given the opportunity, would anyone in this town choose you?

There were times, like now, when he wished he were a Snyder and had all those people looking out for him. But, God, he was such a mess, he wasn’t sure he could do that to them- bring his troubles to that amazing family. No, if he wanted to get back to Luke he was going to have to find a way to do it himself, earn his freedom. And he had to do it fast. He didn’t know what else his father had planned for him, but it felt like the worst was yet to come.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Lily stood next to her son, one arm going around him as Holden continued to listen to whoever was on the phone. Luke barely paid her any attention, focused on his dad.

“Okay, yeah. We’ll be over as soon as possible. Thanks, Margo.” Holden hung up and looked over to the other two, his eyes concerned. “Margo thinks they caught one of the Colonel’s men. She wants you to come down to the station to identify him, Luke.”

Luke pushed past a tiny taste of disappointment- he had hoped they had found Noah- and nodded. At least they had something, right? “Has… has he said anything about Noah?”

“Not yet, no. I’m sorry, son,” Holden said as Luke’s head dropped. “But if you identify him, they’ll be able to charge him, maybe get a deal or something out of him. This is just the first step, okay?”

“Yeah,” Luke tried to agree, quiet.

Lily squeezed his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go to the station. This is a good thing, Luke. Noah will be home before you know it.”

The trip to the police station was both the fastest and slowest of Luke’s life. What if he didn’t recognize this guy? What if he did, but the guy didn’t talk? What if he talked, but just to say that Noah was gone and never coming back? Those thoughts kept him company all the way to the station. He was so distracted he almost missed seeing Casey come to stand next to him at the door.

“Luke?” Casey looked at him uncertainly.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Luke asked, surprised.

“I was here to see my mom when they brought the guy in,” Casey explained. “Figured I’d hang around in case you needed… anything.”

Luke felt himself smile at that. “Thanks.”

“Luke,” Margo approached them, Dusty right behind her.

“Why is he here?” Holden couldn’t stop himself from asking. Lily reflexively put a hand on his arm, gently restraining.

“Dusty’s the one who found this guy,” Margo explained. They all looked at him with surprise.

Dusty shrugged. “I called in a few favors with some acquaintances. I was hoping to find Noah, or at least Colonel Mayer, but…”

“At least you found something,” Lily spoke up helpfully. “Thank you, Dusty.”

He nodded to all of them. “Anything I can do to help Noah, I will.” He looked solely at Luke. “I’ve still got some contacts out there looking for him. Between them and the cops, it won’t take long to get him back,” he tried to sound as sure as possible.

Luke attempted a smile at his effort. “Noah would really appreciate this. Thanks.”

Smirking, Dusty shook his head. “I have a feeling he would apologize for causing so much trouble.”

Luke did smile then, even chuckling a little. “He wouldn’t understand what all the fuss is about.”

Dusty clapped Luke on the back, knowingly, commiserating. “I’ll get out of your way then,” he nodded to the others. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do.”

Margo began leading Luke and the others over to the interrogation room. Holden hung back for a second, just as Dusty was about to leave. “Dusty,” he called out hesitantly. The other man stopped just inside the doorway. Holden held his gaze. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. After a calculated beat, Dusty nodded and left. Holden joined Luke, Lily, Casey, and Margo at the window to the other room.

“Well, Luke?” Margo prompted.

Luke was staring through the glass at the man handcuffed to the table inside. His mind flashed back to Java two nights ago, arms pulling him back, a fist slamming into his body. “That’s him,” he whispered, shell-shocked. “That’s Brett.”

“The one who attacked you?” Margo clarified, already signaling to another officer to come forward. At Luke’s nod, Margo turned to the other crop. “We’re arresting Brett Henderson, charge him with assault, kidnapping, and conspiracy. Book him, and do it now. We need to find out what he knows about Colonel Winston Mayer and the location of Noah Mayer.”

“Yes, Lieutenant,” the officer responded immediately, heading into the room.

Margo turned back to the Snyders and her son. “This could take awhile, maybe you should-”

“You can’t expect me to just go home now,” Luke cut in incredulously. “What if…?”

“Luke, we’ll call you the second we know something,” Margo tried to reason with him.

“Or we can stay and save you a phone call,” he argued back. Margo looked at Holden and Lily to back her up, but they stood behind Luke, sharing his slightly hopeful expression. Casey, off to the side, raised his eyebrows at her, silently begging.

Margo sighed. “Let’s see how cooperative he is first, then we’ll make some decisions.” Luke nodded, okay with the compromise for now. The door to the interrogation room opened, the officers leading the cuffed man out to the holding area. Luke tensed at being so close to the man who had not only attacked him, but now held the information that could find and rescue Noah. It took everything in him not to scream. Lily, perhaps sensing or sharing his thoughts, put her hand on his shoulder, gripping it tightly.

That’s when Brett caught sight of him. And smiled. “You again,” he announced lazily, as though he didn’t have a care in the world.

“Where is he?” Luke demanded, unable to stop himself.

“Luke,” Margo said sharply, warning.

But Luke didn’t care, couldn’t help it now. This man knew where Noah was; if he would just tell them, this whole thing could be over. Noah could be home with him again, where he belonged. Luke called to Brett again. “Please! Just tell us where he is!”

Brett just kept on smiling. “Don’t worry, kid. They’re taking real good care of your boyfriend.”

Luke had taken a few steps forward without realizing it. Lily was tugging on his arm now, Holden moving to stand between him and Brett. “Easy son, don’t make this worse,” Holden cautioned him quietly.

Luke took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself. But the thought of Noah being held against his will somewhere, alone, scared, in pain… “If you’ve hurt him,” Luke growled.

Brett sneered. “Me personally? No, I haven’t touched the kid. Dear old dad’s been spending a lot of time with him though, so you can imagine what must be going on right now.”

Holden now had a hand on Luke’s chest, keeping him back. “Luke, turn around and leave. We’re going now. Don’t listen to him,” he spoke, commanding.

But Brett kept going, on a roll now. “And that’s not even the worst! You just better pray Alan doesn’t get his time alone with Noah.”

“Enough, get him out of here!” Margo tried to regain control.

Too late. “Alan, he’s got a real thing for brunettes.”

And for a few seconds Luke couldn’t breathe.

They all felt frozen then, except for Brett who kept twisting the knife. “Not sure if the Colonel knows about that, but maybe he does. Maybe he’ll try to scare the sin right out of his son, I don’t know.” He cocked his head, eyes burrowing into Luke’s. “What do you think, kid? Is your boyfriend the submissive type, or-” and that was as far as he got. Holden took two steps forward and swung a fist into Brett’s jaw. Brett would have fallen if not for the officers on either side of him.

“Holden!” Margo shouted.

“You son of a bitch!” Holden yelled over her, wanting to go after Brett again. Several more cops got in his way, separating them.

“Holden,” Margo’s voice cut through his rage like glass, forcing him to calm down and focus on her. She nodded over his shoulder. “Take care of your family, get them home. We’ll call you when we know something, okay?”

Holden deflated, looking behind him. Casey and Lily both had hands on Luke’s shoulders. Luke was staring at nothing, trying to get air into his lungs. Lily hardly looked any better. Holden nodded, more to himself than Margo. “Luke,” his voice was somehow both gentle and fierce. He hugged his son quickly, forced him to look him in the eye. “Don’t believe it. Don’t believe this guy. He’s trying to get a rise out of us, scare us, make us give up. I don’t want you for a second to think that what he said is true, okay? We are not giving up.” The cops finally got Brett back to the holding cells. “We’ll get Noah back safe and sound, understand?”

Luke finally remembered how to breathe, how to think. “Yeah,” he said, very softly. “Okay.” Lily sniffled, hugging Luke to her, as Casey stood beside them, looking absolutely shocked.

“Come on, let’s go,” Holden suggested, putting an arm around Luke and an arm around Lily, leading them out of the station. Casey followed on his way to work at the hospital, briefly clasping Luke’s shoulder before taking his leave. The ride home was silent. Once they entered the family room, Luke threw himself onto the couch, an arm coming up to cover his eyes.

“Honey,” Lily’s voice was soothing as she sat down next to him. “Your dad is right. That man was a crazy, angry person. There’s no reason to believe anything he said. You know that, right?”

“I understand what you’re saying Mom, I get it,” Luke sighed, not removing his arm from his face. “And logically, I know you’re right. But… but do you really think I’m going to be able to get what Brett said out of my head?”

Lily felt her eyes well up with tears, but refused to give into the desire to cry. She positioned herself so Luke’s head was resting in her lap, and she could run her fingers softly through his hair. “I think we have to try.”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Noah meets Alan and attempts an escape, Luke battles some demons within...

Chapter 5: Five

Summary:

Noah meets Alan and attempts an escape, Luke battles the demons within.

Notes:

This chapter is the beginning of some non-con, but vague and not very graphic. Story gets a bit darker here, just wanted to warn y'all!

The next time Noah woke up, he knew immediately that he wasn’t alone. But it wasn’t his father in the basement with him, it was the strange door guard from before. What was his name? Alan? The former soldier was standing by the stairs, leaning casually against the post, studying him just like before. Noah struggled instinctively, trying in vain to free his aching wrists from the handcuffs. After a few more minutes of silence he couldn’t take it anymore, and glared up at the man. “What?”

Alan shrugged. “You don’t seem all that much like your father.” There was an air about this man, something Noah really didn’t like, that made him uneasy.

He chuckled darkly. “Good.” The less he was like his father, the better. He tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but nothing took the strain off his arms. He began to feel more and more uncomfortable when Alan wouldn’t stop looking at him. “Was there something else you wanted?” Luckily the last helping of bread and water had stayed in Noah’s stomach, making him feel a little bit better and a little bit bolder.

The man smirked. “Yeah, and we’ll get to that soon.” Noah narrowed his eyes, getting slightly freaked out and confused by this guy. Alan moved closer, standing directly in front of Noah, their feet almost touching. “Your father saved my life during Desert Storm,” he continued, apropos of nothing.

Noah coughed, trying to curl in on himself and get a little more warmth in the cold, dark basement. “And I’m guessing I’m going to end up regretting his decision to do that, huh?” he replied in turn.

He got a sharp kick to the knee for that. “Colonel Mayer is a good man and a great soldier. It’s time you learned that.”

“Gotta disagree on that first part,” Noah grumbled, wincing just before a fist slammed into his chest, knocking the wind out of him. He gasped for air, trying to work oxygen back into his lungs. “You… think I’m going to change my mind?” Noah managed to ask. “Forgive him and be the happy family he seems to think we once were? I’m not going to change, about my father or who I am.”

Alan reached out, his hand going around Noah’s neck. It wasn’t tight, just resting there, barely applying any pressure at all. “I’m not here to change your mind.” Noah frowned in confusion, but it immediately gave way to shock and fear when Alan’s hand slid down from Noah’s neck to land directly over his heart. His brain nearly exploded when the hand ran back and forth across his chest, feeling at the muscles there.

“Get away from me!” Noah shouted, trying to shove himself and the chair he was cuffed to back a few feet, away from Alan. The man let him go, smiling; they both knew there was nowhere for Noah to run. Noah stared panicked at Alan, finding it hard to breathe again. No, no way.

“What’s the matter, kid?” Alan’s smile grew into a full grin, and he took a few steps closer. “I thought this is who you are.”

“Not this,” Noah snapped. “Not you.”

Alan shrugged. He was directly in front of Noah’s chair again, and Noah found himself shaking. Alan put his hand on Noah’s shoulder, gripping it tight enough to leave bruises, then moved it up slowly to cup the side of Noah’s face. No matter how hard he tried, Noah couldn’t break free. “Way I see it,” he leaned in close, “You don’t have much of a choice in these things.” And then Alan kissed him.

All Noah could think of was that this wasn’t Luke. He could always feel love, and emotion, and want, when he and Luke kissed. There was a unity involved, an equal give and take between them. Noah had never really gotten the term “partner” when applied to gay relationships, until Luke. They were partners in everything, including affection. But this… this was ugly and violent, and it was taking something Noah didn’t want to give.

He tried to pull away, turn his head, but Alan’s grip on his face just tightened harshly. This kiss was an attack, Alan’s lips and tongue and teeth vicious on him, and there was nothing Noah could do. When Alan finally came up for air, Noah turned his face to the side, gasping and gagging. Alan watched him, smirking. “Not bad,” he said.

Noah glared up at him. “Get. Away,” he bit out.

“Sorry boy, but I don’t think you’re calling the shots right now.” He reached for him again, and Noah reacted on instinct, kicking out and connecting sharply with Alan’s kneecap. Alan stumbled back a little, grasping at his leg. “Son of a…” he came forward again, striking Noah hard across the temple. The momentary daze that Noah was left in was all that Alan needed, and the next thing Noah felt was Alan’s mouth on him again, on his lips, his jaw, his neck.

“Stop,” he mumbled, struggling to get back to awareness. The last punch had left his head ringing and his vision blurred, and it was taking a lot of effort just to try to move.

He felt himself flinch as a hand gripped the back of head, fingers twisting painfully in his hair. The other hand pressing on his chest and then traveling lower down his body finally gave Noah enough strength and adrenaline to fight back. He curled upwards, kneeing Alan in the stomach and using his legs to shove the man off of him. Alan shouted angrily but stayed back, glaring at Noah, breathing hard.

Noah’s breathing was just as erratic, and he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. “Don’t touch me again,” he said quietly. He could feel welts starting to rise up on his skin, marks from Alan. Noah had never wanted to take a shower more than he did right now.

Alan glared for a second more before he broke out into a laugh, shaking his head. “Noah, I don’t think you really get how much what you want doesn’t matter.”

“How can my father…” Noah trailed off, unsure of the situation now more than ever. Did the Colonel know Alan was gay? He didn’t see how that was possible.

Alan lazily made his way closer again. “The Colonel’s a master strategist, kid. I owed him and Kelley from way back; they saw a need and a purpose for me now. Not that this is strictly business for me, of course,” he ran his fingers across Noah’s cheek and lips. Noah ducked away as quickly as possible, shuddering. No no no no no.

“Nothing you can do about it, so you might as well relax and get comfortable now. I got all the time in the world.” He cocked his head to the side, pretending to contemplate something. “Of course, you could just go along with whatever your dad wants, and he might tell me to go.” Noah’s eyes widened, and Alan continued. “Or he might keep me around for awhile, let me have some fun. Who knows?”

Noah felt bile rising in the back of his throat, had to take a few deep breaths to keep from throwing up. He tugged helplessly against the cuffs again and was shocked when one of the steel bands suddenly began to give way. Noah fought with everything he had not to outwardly react. Maybe getting his chair and arms slammed back against the wall so many times had snapped one of the restraints?

Alan continued to talk, and while Noah was sure whatever he was saying was fascinating- and terrifying- he instead concentrated his entire will on breaking the cuff around his left wrist. He felt the catch finally break free and start to swing open, and he quickly held it closed with his fingers, not wanting to alert Alan. He was still weak and aching right now and no where near capable of fighting the man. Noah swallowed painfully. And he really didn’t want this guy to have any power over him. Any more than he already did.

Alan must have realized he wasn’t listening, because he quickly stepped over and grabbed Noah by the hair, yanking his head up and forcing him to meet his gaze. Noah groaned at the too-quick movement, his vision blurring for a moment. “I won’t be ignored, Noah,” he said, sounding both casual and threatening.

Who does this guy think he is, Glenn Close? Noah asked himself. The image of a rabbit boiling on a stove came to mind, and Noah had to wonder when the exact moment was that his life became crazier than a movie. Maybe right now, he thought, as Alan’s fingers traveled through his hair, down his face, and started sliding under the collar of his shirt. Oh, hell no.

Noah was about to throw his strategy out the proverbial window and just start punching the guy when the door to the basement burst open and Sergeant Kelley came barreling down the stairs. Alan immediately pulled his hand away and took a few steps back, leaving Noah both gasping for breath and wondering just what Alan’s purpose really was in the this nightmare. And who exactly was in on that plan.

Kelley eyed them both for a second before speaking to Alan. “We have a situation. With Brett. He may have been arrested last night.”

“What?!” Alan yelled. Kelley nodded. Noah had to close his eyes and work to keep his heart from beating too fast. Brett had been the one holding Luke. Brett had been arrested. That meant Luke could identify him, and maybe they could find him. They could get him out of here. Save him.

You think that family you’re freeloading off of really cares about what happens to you? Noah flinched a little, as though his father was in the room with him right now screaming the words again. The Snyders would try to find him… right? Then he remembered his broken handcuff. Whatever was going on in the world outside this cabin didn’t matter, Noah would find a way to get out of here himself.

Kelley was moving back up the stairs, beckoning for Alan to follow him. “Come on, we have to meet with the Colonel and figure things out. Now.”

“That’s fine,” Alan glared over his shoulder at Noah, who, although he was completely freaked out, glared right back. “I’m sure I can finish this later.”

“Finish what later?” Kelley looked at Noah, then Alan, then Noah again. His eyes took in the new marks on Noah’s neck, but he said nothing more. Noah wasn’t exactly expecting help from the guy who had attacked him a few days (was it days?) ago in the Java stockroom, but he still couldn’t quite believe this was happening at all.

“Need to know basis, Tim,” Alan shrugged. Kelley narrowed his eyes and stared some more, but ultimately said nothing. He motioned for Alan to continue following him up the steps, and once more Noah was left alone in the cold, almost pitch black basement.

He shuddered violently, feeling dirty and scared. He couldn’t go through that again, and he definitely couldn’t let it go any further. What had already happened was bad enough. Noah just felt… felt wrong right now. Damaged. And he couldn’t help but wonder what people would think if they found this out. Could he have done something different to stop Alan? Damn it, what would Luke…?

A sudden thought shook him- almost pitch black. Where was the light coming from? Oh, thank God. The door was cracked open. Probably in the hurry the two men were in, they hadn’t noticed the door wasn’t shut all the way behind them. Hope and adrenaline filled Noah so quickly he almost passed out.

He let the handcuff around his left wrist drop open and quickly pulled his arms free of the chair, barely wincing when the movement pulled at stiff muscles. Standing was the next step, and Noah managed to do it without falling over or throwing up. Another victory. He stumbled forward, gaining strength with each step.

The promise of Luke, of home, of not here, lent him even more speed and stability. The wooden stairs were no match for him now, and before Noah really knew what was happening, he was slowly pushing open the basement door. Or, more accurately, pushing up. The entrance was in the floor like a trap door or a storm cellar.

Noah shoved it back closed with his foot, pausing to catch his breath and listen. There was no sound at all in the cabin. Where were they meeting with his father? He shook his head- who cares? Focus!- and ran as quickly and quietly as he could to the front door. He took a deep breath and, after a glance at the woods surrounding him, escaped into the darkness.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Jack slammed the door shut behind him, wishing more than anything that he could use Brett’s head as the doorstop. And slam it a couple more times. “No luck?” Margo asked needlessly, waiting by his desk.

Jack just looked at her, an eyebrow raised and a grimace on his face. He sat down heavily in his chair, and even the squeaking noise it made seemed to get on his nerves. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Not a damn thing,” he half-groaned. “He’s running his mouth enough, but nothing useful is coming out.”

Margo suddenly looked more nervous. “Has he said any more about Al-”

“No,” Jack interrupted her cautiously-ventured question. “No, he hasn’t. And he’s lucky. If he had tried to spread that filth again I’d have given him a matching set of bruises for his jaw.”

“I think your cousin did enough damage,” Margo said without any bite. Jack smirked half-heartedly; it was the one bright spot to this bitch of a situation. Jack was both happy and unhappy that he had missed the confrontation. He was glad he hadn’t witnessed Luke’s reaction to the taunting, but really wished he could have joined Holden in beating this bastard down. “Not that I blame him,” she added much quieter, for Jack’s ears only. Jack sort of grunted in agreement. “There’s got to be something we can do with this guy,” she continued, trying to draw Jack out of his funk.

Jack sighed, glancing down at the file on his desk, before looking up at Margo. “I just wish I knew what.” He studied Margo then, noting the tired look in her eyes. “Have you been here all night? You okay?”

Margo waved a hand, smiling starkly. “Oh, oh, I’m fine. I was home for a bit for some food and a nap, don’t worry.” Her voice lowered again. “It’s just kind of hard being there right now. Casey is…”

“He okay? He and Noah are friends, aren’t they?” Jack remembered then that Casey had been here to hear Brett’s crap too.

Margo gave her own weary sigh. “He’s trying hard not to push, not to ask me what we’re doing, but…” She shook her head. “He’s really worried and upset. And he wants me to fix this. I think part of him is angry with me.”

“With you?” Jack was standing again, leaning in close to Margo.

“Jack, Casey and I have never really had a stable relationship. And I’m supposed to be in charge of finding his missing, possibly grievously hurt friend. It’s been three days and we’ve found nothing. I hate having to go home and see Casey looking so hopeful, and I have to crush that hope. He’s just not that happy right now.” Margo tried to smile again.

“Yeah, tell me about it. I’ve become really good at sneaking into the farmhouse so no one can ask me for the updates I can’t give.” Jack and Margo looked at each other in understanding, just as Dallas hurried over to them, arms full of files.

“Okay, so, I think I figured out who this Alan guy is,” Dallas said in his usual fashion, no preamble or introduction. He dropped about half the folders onto Jack’s desk.

“What’ve you got?” Jack asked, still a little surprised to see him. Dallas was supposed to be off this week but had come in to work anyway when he heard who was missing. He had spent the last six hours pouring over every police and military file they could find on Noah’s father.

The younger cop opened one particular folder, pointing out a military identification file. “Alan Reddik. He was in Desert Storm, served in a battalion with Tim Kelley, Brett Henderson, and Winston Mayer.” He showed them a picture of a built, tall man with a dangerous look to him. Jack hated him on sight.

“He served back in the States with Henderson and Kelley before he was dishonorably discharged about five years ago. Since then there have been a few police reports of disorderly conduct and assault in a few different states, and he and Henderson have been marked as ‘persons of suspicion’ in a few random crimes over the years, sometimes with Kelley too.”

“Dishonorably discharged?” Jack repeated, worried.

Dallas nodded, face solemn. “I couldn’t get the records for the case, but charges were brought against him by a young recruit in his battalion. Whatever happened or didn’t happen, we can’t access the information.”

“But he was discharged,” Holden pointed out.

Jack nodded before doing a sharp double take. Holden? “Hey, when did you get here?”

“Just now,” he answered quietly. “Wanted an update if you had anything.” The looks on the three cops’ faces was all the answer he needed. “Great.”

Jack exchanged a quick look with Margo and Dallas before pulling his cousin away to talk privately. “How’s everyone doing?”

Holden rubbed the side of his face with one tired hand, looking like Jack felt. “As well as can be expected, I guess. Lily’s with the kids today. They’re not, uh, taking the news so well. Not that any of us really are. I think Lily needed some time alone with them to be a Mommy for awhile, take care of the kids she can take care of.”

“And Luke?” Holden shook his head. “Not good, but it’s not like that’s a shock. I’m half-surprised he hasn’t run off to solve this case on his own.” He gave a dark chuckle.

Jack studied him more closely, seeing how this was taking a toll on him as well. “How are you holding up? You can tell me, Holden.”

Holden was silent for a moment. He wasn’t doing great, but that was to be expected. He tried to express to his cousin what he really needed to get off his chest. “The thing that really gets me? The guy is doing this to his son. His own son. How could anyone in their right mind who called himself a father do this?”

Jack had wondered the same thing on more than one occasion over the last few days. When he thought of Sage, of Parker and JJ, he just couldn’t understand how someone could treat their own child this way. “Well, we know the Colonel isn’t in his right mind, for one thing.”

His cousin conceded that with another shake of his head. “And to think that this is what Noah had to grow up with? This man was the only constant thing in Noah’s life, and every time he’s around he just hurts him. I mean, is it any shock that Noah had a hard time starting a relationship with Luke? That,” he waved a hand at Winston Mayer’s profile and ID file, “is the only love the kid has ever known.”

“Until now,” Jack insisted. “You and Lily and- God- and Luke have done a lot for him. And Emma? Lucinda? Ethan and the girls? Hell, Janet’s been on my ass worrying about Noah since this whole thing began. Noah’s got a support system, he’s got a whole bunch of Snyders pulling for him. You haven’t failed him there. You haven’t failed him at all. Don’t worry about that, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll just worry about everything else,” Holden grumbled.

Jack clapped him on the back. “Well, that’s what fathers do.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He was alone.

It was the first time since Noah had been taken that everyone finally decided to give Luke some space. Quite honestly, he wasn’t sure if he was glad or not. He really didn’t think he could handle one more person telling him Noah would be okay and home soon. How the hell did they know that? They couldn’t know that; no one knew what Colonel Mayer could really do to his son, not even Luke.

So on the one hand Luke was glad for the peace and quiet. But on the other hand, the peace and quiet left Luke alone with his thoughts, which were conjuring up a hundred scenarios, each one more “worst-case” than the last. The probability that Noah would be returned to him alive and well was dwindling with every passing minute. Luke could actually feel each one of those minutes as they ticked by, weighing down his shoulders. It had been almost three days, and Noah was still missing. Luke was alone.

Tired brown eyes roamed around the family room, landing unconsciously on the liquor cabinet. Of course. Luke shook his head at himself angrily. I can’t go there. But the picture frames sitting on top of the cabinet drew him a little closer. They were all family photos, including one of him and Noah of course. It had been taken at the film student expo a couple of months ago when one of Noah’s short films had been up for an award. They were both wearing suits.

Noah had teased Luke about his color choice, saying he knew his film would win as soon as he saw Luke in that orange dress shirt- it was a definite sign of crazy things to come. Luke had shot back that he knew the film would win as soon as he saw the film, because his boyfriend was just that good. Then they had rolled their eyes at each other, smiled, and one of Noah’s friends had taken the picture.

Luke blinked hard and somehow found himself standing at the cabinet, one hand holding the framed photograph, the other reaching for a bottle of Vodka. He didn’t want to think anymore. But even as his fingers grazed the chilled opaque glass, his stupid overactive imagination created one more scenario.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Noah asked, standing next to him with his arms crossed, face trying to disguise his disappointment.

His disappointment always cut Luke to the core. “I just need…”

“You just need? You just need one drink, right? Just one?” Noah took a step closer. Luke could almost see himself reflected in the blue of his eyes. Noah had the bluest eyes of anyone Luke had ever seen. Had Luke ever told him that? “You think you’ll be able to stop after just one?”

“I don’t know,” Luke found himself answering honestly, voice barely above a whisper.

“Then don’t you dare touch that bottle. Why would you do this, Luke?”

Hearing his name in Noah’s voice almost broke him right then and there. “Because you’re gone, Noah. You’re missing, we can’t find you. I can’t see you or touch you, or…” he paused to catch his breath. It hurt so badly to look at this fake Noah, but he couldn’t look away.

He was wearing those really great jeans Luke had coerced him into buying (they were a little out of Noah’s usual spending budget, but damn he had looked good in them) and his Java t-shirt, of course, over a long sleeved white shirt. Wasn’t that the outfit he had been wearing the first time they had…?

“You’re seeing me right now, aren’t you?” Noah asked, using that placating tone he always used when he thought Luke was getting a little carried away.

“You’re not real,” Luke decided he had to point that out.

“So?” Noah prompted. “I can’t see or touch you right now either. Maybe I’m out there somewhere breaking down too. When we get back together, do you really think I’m going to be happy you were drinking?”

Luke had pulled away from the cabinet, shut it, and locked it without really realizing. Fake-Noah was right, everyone was right. He couldn’t control what was happening in the world right now, but he could control himself. “I’m trying, I am,” he told his hallucinated boyfriend.

“I know,” Noah replied gently, lovingly. “I’m pretty sure I am too.” His lips quirked up into that shy smile that had driven Luke crazy from Day One.

“Where are you?” Luke couldn’t help but ask, the words scratching his throat as they made their way out. That smile was still in place. They were standing pretty much toe-to-toe, but Luke felt like he could stretch and stretch his arms out, and he’d never be able to touch Noah.

“I’m right here,” Noah answered quietly.

“No you’re not,” Luke snapped at him desperately. He hated that Fake-Noah was looking and sounding so real. He hated himself for having to sit at home like a worried, helpless spouse while the cops and private investigators did all the work. It wasn’t in his nature to just sit by and do nothing, but so far ‘nothing’ was all Luke could do.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, Snyder. I’m just the figment of your imagination.”

“It’s not fair! It’s not fair that Fake-You is here and Real-You is out there hurt somewhere.” His head bowed down almost to his chest. He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t look at this Noah anymore. He needed the real one. Noah was a steady, peaceful influence in his life. Without him he lost his center, his focus, his ability to stay calm. Noah grounded him, made him feel safe and loved. Noah was home. “I miss you so much.”

“I could be okay, you don’t know anything for sure.” That was the best comfort he could get Fake-Noah to give him. “And I miss you too. You know if I can get free, I will.”

“The Colonel won’t let you. And there’s no way you’re ‘okay.’ I-” and then he stopped again. Oh well, if he couldn’t confess this to his actual Noah, the imaginary one would have to do. “I know a little more about your past than I’ve let you believe. I looked up some public records last year, after your dad died.”

“Fake died,” Noah corrected.

“Shut up. I looked up reports from some of the bases you were on when you were growing up. I know he hurt you when you were little. And that was before he went completely off the deep end when you came out. So I may not know exactly what’s going on right now, but I know he’s hurting you.” And that was killing Luke.

“I’ll be okay,” Noah’s voice was softer. “You’ll find me, I know it.”

Luke’s head was still down. His eyes closed to ward off the tears that kept threatening to fall. “Where are you?” he had to ask again.

It couldn’t be possible, but Luke swore he felt lips brush against his forehead, a breath moving through his hair. “You’ll find me.”

His head snapped up, eyes opening urgently. Noah? But there was no one in the room with him. It was empty, the liquor cabinet was untouched and locked, and the framed picture of him and Noah was still clutched tightly in his hand. But there was no one in the room with him.

He was alone.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He was running. Just running. He didn’t know where he was or where he was going. He had no idea how long he’d been running for. As soon as he had gotten out of the cabin, Noah had picked a direction and kept a straight course on it (he hoped). If it weren’t for the canopy of trees above him, he would have tried to use the stars for guidance, but the branches almost blanketed out the entire sky. He knew by the way the air was getting lighter and hazier that dawn couldn’t be that far off. He had to reach something soon- a town, a campsite, a road at the very least.

Sharp pains shot through him again, and he knew it was time to take another break. He leaned against a tree, left arm coming up to cradle his midsection while he coughed and gasped. Okay, so maybe running with cracked (broken?) ribs wasn’t the smartest of ideas ever, but the alternative- his father and Alan- was way worse.

He glared down at his useless right hand, the handcuff still dangling from the wrist, metal digging into his skin with every step he took. Emma would probably say he “looked a sight” right now. His shoes and clothes were dirty and torn, and all the cuts and bruises seemed to weigh him down like fingers tugging him backwards. All in all, Noah was feeling pretty miserable.

If anyone were to see him now, bloody and dirty and partially handcuffed, they’d probably think he was some escaped convict. Or the Junior Unabomber. But hell, Noah would gladly let them think whatever they wanted. Please do. Call the cops, get me arrested. God, he would love to be arrested right now.

Break time was over. Noah pushed himself away from the tree and began running again. When a twig snapped somewhere off to his right, Noah immediately began heading more to the left. Then again, maybe he didn’t want to run into whatever could be hanging out in the woods at this hour.

A hundred different movie scenes ran through his head- Blair Witch. The River Wild. Cabin in the Woods. Deliverance. Noah unconsciously picked up his pace. Another noise, now behind him, and Noah broke out into a full-on sprint. Something was wrong, definitely wrong.

He could hear running water up ahead and veered toward it. A river meant civilization, right? Following the river would lead him to people. Isn’t that how Lewis and Clark would do it? The twig-snapping was now definitely evolving into footsteps, heavy and moving quickly. Oh God, please don’t let it be-

“Noah!” a voice yelled out angrily. With the darkness around him and the way the voice echoed through the trees, Noah felt like he was being chased by a monster instead of his father. Another shadow off to his left, and Noah realized the three men were trying to surround him.

He tried to pick up his pace even more, scrambling through the brush, winding around trees and trying to keep some semblance of balance. Falling would be very bad right now. Falling would hurt. Low lying branches scratched at his arms, pulling and catching on his shirt, but Noah pressed on. He was almost to the water…

And then Sergeant Kelley leapt out at him, grabbing one shoulder and trying to knock him down and subdue him. Out of desperation Noah swung his arm around, catching the larger man in the throat with his elbow. The part of Noah not panicking actually got a perverse sense of joy at the surprised look on Kelley’s face. Oh, does your neck hurt? See how that feels?

But Noah couldn’t waste time reveling in the poetic justice. Kelley had put him off-balance with that grab, and Noah had to push along the ground with his hands for a moment until he could get his feet back under him. He sidestepped another shadowy figure- his father?- as it came at him from the other side. Noah slipped on the wet leaves covering the ground, and suddenly there wasn’t ground under him anymore.

Noah was falling, tumbling and rolling down a sharp hillside. His world was literally turning upside down, and while self-preservation had him try to catch himself and stop his downward slide, a large part of him was simply panicking and wondering what the hell was going on. It took the handcuff attached to his right wrist catching on a tree root to bring him back to awareness, mostly because the sudden stop wrenched his shoulder right out of the socket.

Noah was pretty sure he yelled out at the bone-deep pain that rocketed through him. He was on his stomach, still sliding slowly down the steep incline, even as the open end of the handcuff tangled in the roots and brush above him. Noah gritted his teeth- couldn’t let the men catch up with him- and yanked hard. His vision went white as he pulled on the dislocated shoulder, he could feel the bone grinding roughly against the socket and almost threw up. Again.

He swallowed hard and yanked again, and then his wrist was free and he was falling again. Okay. So. That plan may not have been your most thought-out ever, Mayer. Was it strange that the voice in his head was starting to sound more and more like Luke?

Noah could hear real voices and movement on the hill above him, and tried to control his tumble so he wouldn’t hurt himself any further, trying to keep his injured and useless shoulder from getting wrecked on anything else. He fell past rocks and branches, felt them digging into his skin as he plummeted. God, how long was this hill?

And then it was over. Well, not Noah’s fall. Just the hill. He had hit the edge of the ravine or cliff or whatever (topography not being his strong suit), and Noah had just a moment of free-fall sensation before he hit water with a cold and unforgiving splash.

The water should have been a shock to his senses, a wake-up call for him to keep moving, but for some reason it wasn’t. Maybe his shoulder or his hunger or just the stress of everything, but Noah just couldn’t get himself to move. The water was like a blanket, wrapped around him tighter and tighter. It was everywhere.

There couldn’t possibly be an end in sight, and Noah tried to remember if any famous directors had died from drowning. You know, so he’d have some company. He waited for his life to flash before his eyes, wondering if it would be like watching a film reel. But as black spots started taking over his vision, growing larger and larger until there was nothing but black all around him, Noah had to chalk this up to just another one of life’s disappointments. He was going to die now, without getting to watch one last movie.

I’m sorry, Luke…

… … … …

There were flashes of movement and sound around him. Noah’s eyes must have been open, at least a little, but he couldn’t really figure out the specifics. It was kind of like a DVD skipping scenes. He was soaking wet on the bank of some river, coughing up what felt like gallons of water while someone pounded on his back. Then hands were touching him, lifting up off the ground.

Another flash, and he was back in the van, shivering so hard he had to be creating new bruises as his body banged against the metal floor. Then he was lifted again, and carried down some steps. Back in the cabin? Another flash as someone- his father maybe- gripped his useless right arm and pulled. Hard. There was a popping sound at his shoulder, and by the time the pain registered in Noah’s mind he was sinking back into the darkness.

… … … …

Noah fought against opening his eyes when he woke up this time. It seemed like every time he opened his eyes recently, the world was sucking a little bit more than it had when he closed them. He was afraid of just what he’d see this time. But curiosity finally got the better of him (he’s been hanging out with Luke far too much), and ever so slowly he looked around. He was back in the damn basement. At least he wasn’t tied to the chair anymore.

Instead he was lying on the cold, hard floor. In cold, wet clothes. His jeans were heavy and scratchy against his legs, weighing him down. His shirt clung like a second skin, pulling at all the scratches and welts on his body. Noah groaned softly, part of him wishing he had never woken up at all.

“You awake over there, Noah?” a voice called out. Noah flinched, rolling onto his back to glare at his father. Winston studied his son, shaking his head sadly. “I wish you hadn’t done that. You could’ve hurt yourself a lot worse. It wasn’t very smart, son.”

“Don’t want to be here,” Noah slurred, the words barely making their way out of his throat. He coughed from the effort, feeling it reverberate through his chest and up to his aching head. Wow, he felt like crap. He blinked heavily, flinching again as his father crouched down next to him.

“We don’t have to be here. All you have to do is accept us, accept me, and we can go create our own lives together. It will be better than what we had and better than what we have now. Don’t you want that Noah?”

“No,” Noah whimpered, shaking. He coughed again; he could still taste the river. His lungs crackled on every intake. That probably wasn’t a good thing.

“I know you’re not happy son, you’ve never been happy. I understand that. Don’t you think it’s time to change? I’m your father, you know I want what’s best for you. Don’t you think I’ll do everything I can to make a good life for you?” Winston put his hand on Noah’s shoulder, the one he had just reset a few hours ago.

Noah shook his head, tried to pull away from his father’s grasp. The sound of rattling chains drew his attention down to his arms. What the hell? He wasn’t handcuffed anymore, and there were bandages covering the wounds the cuffs had made around his wrists. They must have been bleeding pretty badly for him to get actual medical attention.

But now the restraints were even worse. Noah was actually chained to the floor. A long length of chain was wrapped several times around his forearm, looped through a grate in the floor, and then wrapped and buckled around his other arm. Jesus, he was in the Abu Ghraib of Illinois, if he was still even in the state.

Noah let out another whimper, too panicked to be embarrassed, and tried to yank his arms free of the chains. All it succeeded in doing was getting the metal links to snap and dig into his skin, but Noah kept at it. He got free once, he could do it again-

“Stop it, Noah!” the slap to his face brought him out of his panic, and Noah collapsed back down onto his back, trying as hard as he could not to just cry his eyes out. He just wanted all of this to be over.

And it was then, for the first time, that Noah thought about giving up. About giving in to his father. But all that came out of his mouth was more coughing, burning his throat, and when Noah was able to open his eyes again his father was looking down at him not with compassion or love (not like Luke would), but with calculation.

And Noah knew even if he never made it back to Oakdale, even if he never saw Luke again, he could never go anywhere with his father. “Just go,” he whispered, not sure if he was begging, if he could produce enough volume in his voice to make it sound like begging. He didn’t care; his head felt so fuzzy and drained.

He heard Winston sigh. “I’ll be back to check on you later, son. Don’t struggle too much with these chains, you’ll just end up hurting yourself more.” Of course, like it was his fault he was chained up in a basement. “I’ll have someone check your bandages and your shoulder.” Check his bandages? They had a medic with them? His eyes closed as his father climbed the stairs. His father wasn’t a medic, only knew the most basic of first-aid. Same with Sergeant Kelley, Noah knew his specialty wasn’t medicine. That only left…

“And somehow we’re alone again, Noah.”

Alan.

Noah’s eyes popped open and he tried to push himself up and away. The chains only let him move a few inches, not enough to feel safe.

Alan crouched down next to him, not touching him yet, thankfully. “I was impressed by the escape attempt, kid. Didn’t know you had it in you.” He eyed Noah up and down, taking in the wet clothing that clung to his body. “Also don’t mind this new look of yours.”

Noah could feel the man’s gaze running over him like a caress and shuddered, not bothering to hide his distress. “Don’t touch me.”

Alan held up his hands, smiling a little when Noah flinched at the movement. “Hey, I’m here strictly for your own good.” Before Noah realized it, one of those hands was on his stomach, trying to slide under his shirt. “And this certainly seems good to me.”

“No!” Noah was able to shove the hand away just as it touched his bare skin. No, no, no, not now. He couldn’t fight back right now. He felt a wave of dizziness take over, and his head fell back weakly to the floor, eyes closing.

“Relax, Noah.” He felt the hand on his face again, then running through his hair. He tried to shake his head free, but the hand kept touching him. “I’m supposed to make you feel better, aren’t I? Trust me, this could feel great.” The hand touched his chest again, his stomach, moving lower…

He gave another cry, wordless this time, but instead of pushing away he barreled forward, knocking the body next to him away with as much force as he could muster. The chains pulled him back before he could get very far, but it enough to get the hands away from him, and that was all that mattered. He heard Alan curse from somewhere next to him as he landed with a thud, surprised that Noah still had some fight in him. That thought distracted him, and he didn’t notice the small object that fell from his pocket with a soft clink on the ground.

But Noah did. Even through the foggy mess of his mind, he recognized the object for what it was and quickly rolled onto his back again, hiding the object beneath him.

Alan cursed again. “Fine, be that way. You can play hard to get all you want Noah, but we both know it’ll be easy for me to get what I want. Think about that while I go eat my lunch. Maybe you’ll be in a better mood when I come back next time.” He stood up, brushed himself off, and moved up the steps, shutting the door and leaving Noah alone in the darkness once more.

Noah just lay there, shaking and silent. He couldn’t let there be a next time. He couldn’t. Slowly and carefully he turned onto his side, his back facing the stairs. It took him a second too long to remember what he had taken from Alan, but finally his mind caught back up with him. A cell phone.

He struggled with the chains around his arms for a second before he was able to grasp the phone in his hands and flip it open. And sweet Jesus, he had reception down here. For the first time it what was probably days, Noah felt what must have been a smile on his face.

He reminded himself to focus and fumbled for the keys. Then Noah punched in a few numbers- the only phone number he had ever bothered to memorize in his entire life, the only phone number he knew by heart…

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: a phone call spurs Luke into action, Winston decides to punish his son...

Chapter 6: Six

Summary:

A phone call spurs Luke into action, Winston decides to punish his son.

“Okay, ice cream? Cheese fries? Shopping spree? Anything but alcohol, and it’s yours, dude. Whatever you want.”

“Casey!” Jade smacked him in the chest, eyeing Luke nervously. Luke just shook his head, smiling a little. It wasn’t really funny, but he appreciated Casey’s effort to cheer him up. Just like he appreciated Casey and Jade getting him out of the house and out to Old Town, keeping his mind off Fake-Noah and the real liquor bottles (not that he would ever tell them about that incident; they probably thought he was crazy enough as it was).

The three settled down on a bench, and Luke refrained from telling them that it was the same bench that he and Noah had sat on just a few weeks ago, when he had told off that guy at the foundation meeting. When Noah had been proud of Luke, had confessed in his own sweet Noah-Mayer-way that he was glad Luke was done being a whining, moping emo brat. Okay, maybe Luke was paraphrasing there.

Luke refrained from telling them that they had left this bench and spent the rest of that day and night happily in bed together, reminding each other of how special and loved the other one was.

Of course, Casey and Jade wouldn’t have been listening to him anyway, because they had been sitting down for less than a minute when some petty argument started up. Luke swore those two started fights just for the fun of it now, though he had to admit they were pretty entertaining to watch. His cell phone rang just as Casey brought up the whole convenience-store-robbing boyfriend, and Luke reluctantly tuned them out to answer.

It was a number he didn’t recognize. “Hello?” No response. He could hear something on the other end, not static, so he knew it wasn’t a dropped call. Somebody dialed him by accident maybe? “Hello?” he prompted again.

There another was a beat of silence, and Luke was about to hang up with a shrug when a faint, hoarse voice finally spoke up. “Luke?”

Time stopped.

Time absolutely stopped. Casey and Jade were still making noise next to him, people were walking by, but Luke could comprehend nothing except the voice sounding strained and distant on the other end of the phone. “N-Noah?” he stuttered, disbelieving. Casey’s head snapped up to stare at him. He and Jade fell silent, even as Luke leapt to his feet, words spilling out and feet pacing in a crazy figure-eight pattern around the bench. “Where are you? Are you okay? Are you…”

“Luke?” Noah’s voice was breathless, faded, and it wasn’t from the cell phone connection. He sounded horrible- defeated, beaten. Which, considering his father, was probably pretty close to the truth.

Luke felt another bolt of fear shoot through him. Where was Noah? How was he calling him? “I’m here, Noah. Tell me where you are,” he commanded, forcing himself to stay calm. He was aware of Casey and Jade standing with him, but he didn’t acknowledge them, couldn’t. He was focused completely on Noah. “Please, baby, tell me where you are.”

“Basement,” Noah stammered. He sounded confused, and Luke wondered if he had a concussion.

“What basement, Noah?” he hoped repeating his name would ground Noah, bring him back a little closer to lucidity. He was still with his father? Was he was sneaking this phone call out to Luke? God, this could be really dangerous. “Where is it?”

“In a cabin,” Noah spoke so tentatively, Luke wanted to cry. He had never felt frustration like this before, not even when he was stuck in a wheelchair. Now he was stuck, apart from Noah, unable to do anything about it. This is what real paralysis felt like. “In the woods?” Noah continued, unsure, coughing roughly. “There was water, I fell… I fell in water…”

“Water?” Luke was at a loss. Casey and Jade were wordlessly begging him to fill them in, following in his wake like ducklings after their mother. He waved them away when Noah spoke again.

“I tried to run away, Luke. I tried to get home, find you…” Noah’s breathing was rushed. He groaned softly, and Luke could hear slight movement in the background, like Noah was trying to shift his body but couldn’t. “But they caught up with me, I’m sorry. I didn’t get away. I’m so sorry,” he was rambling a little, which terrified Luke. Noah didn’t ramble like this.

“It’s okay, Noah, it’s okay. Keep talking, tell me about the cabin.” He made frantic eye contact with Casey, motioned to his cell phone.

Casey nodded, dialing his mom’s number. “What the hell- a cabin?” he whispered while waiting for Margo to pick up.

“It’s cold,” Noah said, his voice starting to drift away.

“Noah!” Luke called him back frantically. Had he been drugged? Was he hurt badly? Was he bleeding, or-? “Talk to me, tell me how you are! Are you okay?”

“No,” was the simple, straightforward answer. Luke’s stomach flip-flopped even more. Noah admitting to not being fine? That was Luke’s worst nightmare. “They’re going to come back soon,” Noah continued, just this side of whispering. “I can’t… I can’t do it Luke. I can’t do what he wants. I want to go home.”

“You will, I promise you will. I’ll find you, you just have to hold on, okay?” Luke tried to reassure him. Damn it, he just wanted to have Noah in his arms right now. He had no idea what he could do; could the call be traced? Margo and Jack had to be able to do something.

“I can’t, Luke. He’s going to come after me again, and I won’t be able to fight him!” Noah was near panic now. “I’m… I’m scared. My dad is… He- Alan, he’ll…” Noah’s voice shook, and he let out what sounded like a choking sob.

Luke’s eyes widened, ice pouring through his veins. He stopped moving, Jade a step behind him. No, this was Luke’s worst nightmare. What Brett had alluded to at the station… Nonononononono! “Noah, listen to me,” Luke felt his own voice shake, but he continued on. Jade was staring at him fearfully, no idea what was going on but figuring it must be bad. She put her hand on his stiff shoulder.

“Listen, we’re going to find you. I will find you, and I’ll get you out of there, and you’ll be okay, and we’ll be together and move into our apartment and watch your boring old movies together every Friday night and…” Luke swallowed back his tears. “Just, just hold on. For me, okay?” Luke didn’t know what else to say, there had to be some way to give Noah the hope that he’d be saved.

“Luke,” Noah’s voice cracked again. “I-” suddenly there were other sounds on his end of the phone. Luke could just make out the sound of deep voices, heavy thumps. A door slamming.

“No,” Luke and Noah breathed out at the same time.

Luke could hear the real fear in his boyfriend’s voice and had to do something about it. “Noah, I’m right here, okay? I’m right here. It’s going to be okay, we’ll find you soon. I promise.” Noah had no acknowledgement for him, but Luke could hear the sounds getting closer, more talking, and Noah’s harsh and panicked gasps. “Listen to me. I love you Noah, I love you. You’ll see me soon, I promi-”

“Son of a bitch!” someone yelled. Luke could hear more movement, getting louder. “Kid stole my cell phone!” The sound got clearer- footsteps getting closer. “What do you think you’re doing, boy?!” There was the sound of flesh meeting flesh- someone getting hit- and Noah cried out.

“Noah!” Luke yelled out frantically.

“Say goodbye to your boyfriend, kid,” the voice called out, and Luke wasn’t sure if it was directed to him or Noah. Either way, he was starting to hyperventilate, beyond horrified. He could heard Noah getting hit again. Noah wasn’t crying out this time, or talking. Or making any sound at all.

Luke was just about to yell his name, tell him he loved him again, when the line went dead. “No,” Luke whispered. He barely noticed Casey and Jade grabbing his arms as he sank to his knees on the ground.

“Luke?” Casey asked urgently. “My mom’s on her way here. What happened? What-?”

Luke shook his head, unaware that Casey and Jade were still holding his arms. “They’re hurting him. Oh God. He’s hurt and they caught him calling me, and…” he took a breath, looking intently at Casey. “Case… he said something about Alan.”

Jade looked back and forth between them, confused, but Casey rocked back on his heels, closing his eyes in dread. “Damn it.” After that day with Brett at the police station, Casey had had a hard time not thinking about what could be happening to Noah. It had kept him up at night, fighting off freak-out after freak-out. And he knew he was taking it out on his mom, questioning her every time she came home or answered the phone, but he just couldn’t help it. He had no idea how Luke was keeping from going crazy. He rubbed a hand over his mouth anxiously. “What do you want to do? What can we do?”

Luke struggled to his feet. “I’m going to find him. Now.”

“Luke, you can’t-”

Jade tried to interject, but Luke pulled away. “No. He’s out there and he didn’t sound like he could hold on much longer. He said he’s in a cabin in the woods, near a river or a pond or something.” Casey nodded, pulling out his car keys determinedly, his body getting tense with anticipation. Luke found he was readying himself in the same way.

“So? Guys, that could be anywhere!” Jade tried to hold both their arms at the same time. It wasn’t working.

“Out of those men, Colonel Mayer’s the only one who’s been to Oakdale before. And the only place I know he’s been to that fits that description is the camping area where he took me and Noah when he tried to kill me.” Luke was so far passed thinking of that time. If he didn’t do something now, something bad was going to happen to Noah. That was all that mattered. Finally, there was something he could do. And Luke was going to do it, come hell or high water.

“Luke…” Jade’s eyes were doubtful.

“Look, Jade, I know it’s a long shot, alright? But I can’t not try. If we don’t find Noah soon, they’re going to kill him!” He was just this side of hysterics again. And okay, he didn’t actually think the Colonel would kill Noah. But those men definitely would hurt him. Badly. And there was a chance they could disappear forever, which to Luke felt pretty much like dying. And he and Noah still had far too much to do, far too much to share, to die now. So yeah, he was going.

Casey firmly pulled his and Luke’s arms free from Jade’s grasp. “I know the area you’re talking about. There’s a bunch of abandoned cabins, they could totally be there.” He turned to Jade. “Call my mom, tell her to go out there too. Then go find Luke’s parents.”

Luke pushed his cell phone into her hands. “Maybe they can do something with the number Noah called me from. See if they can trace it or whatever.”

“Oh, hell no. I’m coming with you guys!” Jade protested.

“You’re wearing, like, twenty-inch heels, Jade. Not exactly great hiking gear,” Casey pointed out.

Jade sighed in acknowledgement. “Okay, then, just… don’t do anything stupid, okay? Don’t do anything you.”

Casey had a comeback ready by Luke stepped between them. “We don’t have time for this, let’s go!” This time Luke grabbed Casey’s arm, pulled him off in the direction of the parking lot. No matter what, the only way Luke was going home now was if Noah was with him.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Someone must have hit the slow-motion button. That was the only way to explain what he was experiencing right now. And this person must have messed up the audio feed too, because every sound seemed to hit his ears like twenty seconds later than it should. All in all, things were definitely bad. He knew he was in pain, but his brain just wasn’t registering it. All he felt, all he could understand, was cold. He was so cold.

Not long ago he had been talking to someone (Who was it? Luke?) and the voice had kept him warm, made him feel like there would be an end to this hell he was stuck in. A happy ending. But the voice (Luke) was gone now, and he definitely had another broken rib. And it was so damn cold, he couldn’t stop shaking. Fortunately, focusing on that discomfort helped him ignore the person crouching next to him. Unfortunately, that person didn’t seem too discouraged by it.

A hand gripped his jaw tightly, pulling his head up, twisting it to the left and right as though inspecting his face. “This is starting to wear on my patience, Noah.” It took him too long to recognize the voice, but the hold on his jaw was painfully familiar. Hi, Dad. “I don’t think you understand yet. It’s not a matter of me letting you go, leaving you alone. You are coming with me. It’s just a matter of when. Resisting all of this only delays the inevitable. And it causes us unnecessary pain.”

That was true, this was a lot of unnecessary pain. Being his father’s son had been an unnecessary pain his entire life. “Just tell me you’re ready to start over, and all of this stops. And we’ll be a family again.” Noah wondered idly if insanity was a genetic trait. He didn’t want to end up this crazy some day. “Come on, son. This is the only way we could ever be happy.”

He couldn’t trust his voice right now, so instead he just shook his head. Yeah, this is pretty much as far from happy as he could get.

Winston’s face had grown stony, cold. Noah was so sick of the cold. “This is ridiculous. You have the chance to make me happy, make me proud. Why would you stay here in this life? No friends, no family, what have you done to be proud of? What have you done that would make people want to be around you? This is a time you can make me proud. I want you with me, son. I sought you out, found you, brought you here to help you. You’ve been with me for almost five days, Noah, and no one’s come close to finding you. They must not be looking all that hard.”

He pushed away the shock of five days and tried to stay collected in front of his father. No, they were looking for him, right? Luke had just said on the phone that he would find him. “Luke-”

A fist gripped the front of his still soaked shirt. “Obviously doesn’t miss you that much if he couldn’t find you in five days. And look at yourself. Is he really going to want you now? Damaged, weak… Who would want to be with someone as messed up as you are? I can help you. Let me help you.”

“If I’m messed up it’s because of you,” he whispered, blinking back tears. He didn’t want to be messed up anymore. He didn’t want to be damaged or weak. He hated disappointing people.

“No, son, I’ve done the best I can. You were just never good enough, and it’s been a battle since the day you were born.” As an afterthought, the real twisting of the knife: “No wonder your mother left.”

And damn if that didn’t punch him in the gut harder than any fist could. “No, no, no. She left you- you made her go!”

Winston smiled. Game, set, match. “And she had plenty of time to come back. Or plenty of opportunities to take you away with her. So why didn’t she? All those times I went away and left you alone to watch the house- I remember one time, I was in Japan for almost the entire month!- did she ever reappear?” He shook his head again. “It just proves what I’ve been saying, Noah. I’m the only person in your life that can care about you. About making you into the man you should be.”

It was all too overwhelming. Noah hated that his father could still get to him like this. It felt like being poisoned, like the Colonel’s words were dropped into his brain and spread through his bloodstream. And for as hard as Noah was currently trying to cough his lungs up, he couldn’t get rid of the poison. He tried to tell himself he didn’t care. He tried to convince himself that his father- the man who had known him longer than anyone else in his life- didn’t know anything about him.

He was wrong.

Wasn’t he?

Noah was having a hard time accessing that practical part of his brain (“mulish and idealistic” Luke would teasingly say, and “pragmatic” is what he would argue back with). No, Noah. Wake up. Can’t get distracted right now, even if it is to think about Luke. (Luke said they were looking for him, they would find him. Was he just saying that for Noah’s benefit?)

Wake up. Think logically. Even if they are looking for you (Luke said they were), they can’t do everything. You have to get yourself out of this. (Could they trace his phone call? Would Luke talk to Jack or Margo? Was he even a “case” for a detective to be assigned to?) No, Noah. Wake up!

Really, he had two options. He could give in to his father, and go back to the miserable, lonely life he had grown up with. He’d never see Luke again, never eat Emma’s cookies, never see Faith graduate high school, (never see Luke again) never find out if Casey would finally be able to choose between Jade and Ali, never hear another one of Brad’s impossibly dumb observations, (never see Luke again) never go on that road trip to Seattle with Aaron. Never see Luke again. Okay, so Option A wasn’t a favorite.

Option B was to continue on resisting like this, until the crack team of the Oakdale PD (oh God, he was so screwed) burst in with guns blazing. Or these guys killed him. Well then. Option B was only looking slightly better.

Of course, there was the wildcard of Option C, which seemed the most likely right now- pass out and never wake up. Noah could feel that blackness at the back of his brain, slowly pulling him away. No! Come on, Noah. You know your father is wrong; prove it by fighting. You’re stronger than him. (The voice in his head was sounding like Luke again. And Luke- imaginary or otherwise- knew him better than anyone, right?)

Noah squinted, finally focusing his blurry vision on his father. “Dad?” he began, mumbling through cracked, almost-numb lips. His father nodded, eyes widening with what looked a little like hope and a lot like triumph. Like Noah was just a war game he’d do anything to win at. The disgust that went through Noah gave him the courage he needed to keep talking. “When we ‘start over,’ does that mean I have to find a whole new boyfriend? ’Cause getting this first one was kind of a difficult process and-”

With an almost inhuman growl Winston shoved Noah’s face back to the floor, his own disgust evident on his face.

Once upon a time this would have hurt Noah, and maybe it still did a little, but now it also encouraged him on: “Of course, Luke’s more than just my boyfriend. He’s also my roommate. We just signed a lease on an apartment. If you and I ‘start over,’ the landlord’s going to be pissed.” Winston stood up and paced a few feet away from him. Maybe the insanity was genetic, because Noah kept talking: “And he’s my lover too, did you know that? We’ve been sleeping together for months now. In fact, we had sex the day you took me from Java. Several times-”

Noah almost welcomed this hit when it landed, telling himself it was worth it. It totally was.

“Damn it Noah.” Winston wasn’t yelling. Uh-oh. That stopped Noah’s internal victory dance. The Colonel was always at his worst when he was past yelling. Noah unconsciously tried to back up, but the chains around his arms just tightened spitefully. “You know, it hurts me that you would continue to… to flaunt this in front of me. After everything I’ve done for you, that you would still act this way…” Winston shook his head sadly, as though he was the one in pain. Noah begged to differ there. “Denying me this one thing…” He was leaning over again, staring into Noah’s face. “I just can’t understand why you would do this to me.”

“This is who I am, Dad.” He didn’t care that his voice cracked, that he had to pause after every few syllables to catch his breath. There had to be a way to get through to his father. “I’m sorry it hurts you, but I can’t change who I am.”

He had never seen his dad look so sad before. “Please, son. I don’t want to have to do this.” Noah frowned, confused. Do what? What more could he possibly do? And, even worse, what more could Noah take? “I’m giving you another chance to do the right thing. Let this go. Show me you can still be the man I raised you to be.”

No matter how hard he or Imaginary-Luke tried to think otherwise, the words still stung. But it also kept Noah from giving in. He wasn’t eight or twelve or fifteen anymore. His father couldn’t bully and guilt Noah into submission. “No.” His voice was quiet and bare. He almost sounded like he was that little kid again, but he wouldn’t act that way. “No. I’m better than the man you raised me to be.” And part of him maybe actually believed that.

Winston took a few steps back, staring at his son, before giving a short and decisive nod. “Then so be it.” He started backing off to the stairs.

“What?” This was completely not the reaction he had been expecting. He turned his head to track his father’s movements.

The man sighed. “I tried, Noah, didn’t I? I’ve tried to do everything I can to set you on the right path. To show you what’s right and what’s wrong.” Noah couldn’t help but chuckle darkly at that. Yes, his father had definitely shown him what was wrong with the world. Winston’s jaw tightened but he continued anyway. “But it hasn’t been enough. So if this is what you want to be…” he trailed off, the implied threat hanging in the air between them. Noah just couldn’t figure out what the threat actually was.

But when his father took another step back, Noah’s uneasiness grew. And when Alan stepped out of the shadows of the basement, he had to wonder if this was just another nightmare. He had forgotten Alan was even here; Alan was the one who had beaten him for stealing the cell phone. And he hadn’t left. This couldn’t really be happening, could it? No. It couldn’t. But why wasn’t he waking up then?

“Dad. No,” Noah gasped, pulled uselessly on the chains, as Winston moved even farther away and Alan moved even closer, like synchronized swimmers. Like soldiers in formation.

“I’m sorry, Noah. But if this is what you choose to be… You have to see how wrong it is. Now, I didn’t want to have to resort to this, but you gave me no choice.”

“No. Dad, please. No-” Noah choked, terrified. His lungs, already crackling and heavy from his near-drowning, now threatened to close up completely. He kind of wished he could use Option C right now and pass out. It may not stop Alan, but at least he wouldn’t have to… feel anything. Noah shuddered again, pleading with his father. “Dad, if you love me, if you love me at all, you won’t do this. You won’t let this happen! Please!”

Winston had already moved up three steps. “It’s because I love you, Noah, that we’re doing this. I have to show you how wrong this is, how wrong you are. If you had just…” he paused, took a breath, and continued on calmly. “You asked for this. You did. You have no one to blame but yourself.”

Noah shook his head. No no no. “Please!” he tried again, not caring that he was begging. They couldn’t do this to him! What would everyone think of him? What would Luke… “Dad, no, you can’t do this.”

His father resolutely turned his back on his son and walked up the remaining stairs. “We’ll talk again later, see if you’ve changed your mind by then.” His steps were firm, ignoring the shouts and pleading of his son on the floor behind him. His son. He hoped that maybe after this, Noah would realize he could still be Winston Mayer’s son.

Noah continued to yell and struggle mindlessly, caught up in a panic. He tried to fight as a shadow loomed over him, an almost-sinister laugh echoing in his ears. But there was nothing he could do as the shadow reached down, gripped his upper arms tightly, and rolled him onto his back. Noah may have been crying, he wasn’t sure. He felt his brain going numb, wished his body would do the same. He didn’t want to feel the hands that were now on him, moving up and down…

He tried to twist away, curl up and protect himself, but the hands were too insistent. They yanked him onto his back again, one hand hitting him hard across the face. By the time the stars cleared from his vision, the hands had tied his feet down with who-knows-what, making it impossible for him to kick out, to move. To escape.

He was really past panicking now. Oh God oh God oh God. “Don’t. Please, please don’t do this.” He barely recognized his own voice. Was he already broken?

Alan didn’t even bother responding, beyond laughing at him again. He tugged Noah’s wet shirt up just a few inches, watching fascinated as the muscles of his stomach fluttered and heaved with each pained gasp of air. Noah bucked up in terror when a hand started tracing the lines of his abdomen. He began crying out protests again, insulting, begging, anything.

Then his eyes closed involuntarily when a heavy weight settled over him, straddling him. The weight was on his legs, but somehow Noah felt it fall on his stomach and heart, nearly making him sick with fear. Oh God. He needed Luke.

But it wasn’t Luke who groped at him violently, who put bruising kisses on his mouth and neck, who continued to hit him when he struggled. This was a nightmare he wasn’t going to wake up from. And when he heard a slicing sound, felt cold air on his skin and realized his shirt was being ripped apart, he had to turn his face away.

He knew there was nothing he could do, and he hated himself. His eyes still closed, he prayed for the darkness lurking in the back of his brain to take him away as soon as possible. And he really hoped he’d never wake up again.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The first few minutes in the car were a tense silence, until Casey tentatively broke it. “You didn’t mean it, right?” Luke looked at him, confused. Casey kept his eyes on the road. “When you said they’d kill Noah. They wouldn’t, would they?”

Luke was silent for a moment, drumming his sore fingers on his knee. Sore, because he had bitten his nails almost clean off. “I don’t know,” he replied quietly, terrified by his own honesty.

“But, it’s his dad,” Casey had to protest. “Yeah, okay, sure he’s psycho-go-nuts, but he wouldn’t do that to his own son…” he trailed off, trying to prompt Luke to say something reassuring.

But Luke couldn’t. “Casey…”

“Luke, it’s his son! He’s sick, but he loves Noah, doesn’t he?”

Luke shook his head. “I’m not sure if he loves Noah so much as he loves the idea of Noah. A son to carry on with the Mayer DNA and reputation or whatever. He never really treated Noah like family. Like a father should.” The idea of Holden Snyder or Tom Hughes acting this way was impossible to comprehend. Casey shook his head, while Luke continued, “Noah coming out might have pushed Colonel Mayer over the edge, but he was never a… a nice guy.”

Casey swallowed hard, his next question getting stuck in his throat. “Did he ever… did he ever hurt Noah, when he was little?” Luke’s silence was enough of an answer. “Jesus.”

“Noah doesn’t know I know,” Luke said quietly. This time it was his turn to stare straight ahead. “After his father died- or whatever- last summer, and Noah was isolating himself off from everyone, I- I contacted some army bases they’d lived on, some public records people. I just wanted to find out what kind of man the Colonel was before I had met him, maybe find out why Noah was so upset by his death, why he was punishing himself so much.”

“And?” Casey was struggling between really wanting to know and really not wanting to know.

“There were a couple of vague reports filed,” Luke could actually feel his voice harden. “Stuff like child endangerment, ‘possible’ neglect, ‘possible’ assault. No charges were ever brought up.” He anticipated Casey’s next question. “There were never any real witnesses or concrete evidence, just suspicions. And whenever Noah was questioned, he wouldn’t say anything.”

“He was scared,” Casey guessed.

Luke felt himself nod mechanically. “His whole life, he’s been bullied and mistreated by his father. So right now? I have no idea what Winston Mayer might be doing.” Abused was the word, but Luke couldn’t bring himself to say it. Beaten was another one, but he never wanted to think that in context with his boyfriend.

“Jesus,” Casey said again, thinking along the same lines. “I didn’t know.”

“Neither did I. Noah still doesn’t talk about the specifics of his childhood, he always stays so carefully vague. I think that’s why. He’s still scared.”

“Yeah, well, now so am I,” Casey muttered, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he pulled into the campgrounds.

Luke’s fingers tapped even more anxiously. His eyes scanned the woods around them, foolishly hoping a giant neon sign would flash NOAH IS HERE! Or, even better, Noah would just pop out in front of them on the road, perfectly fine and ready to go home, asking if they Tivo-ed his shows while he was gone. But, of course, no such luck. “Where are those cabins?”

“Not far,” Casey answered. “Like another twenty minutes.” Luke wanted to point out that twenty minutes would be like twenty hours, but he kept quiet. “Should we, I don’t know, park pretty soon and walk the rest? They’d hear a car coming, I think.”

“Yeah, yeah. Good idea.” Luke hadn’t thought of that. That’s one of those practical, rational thoughts that Luke usually relied on Noah to have. And then he almost started crying, full out sobbing, right then and there. It wasn’t just because he was scared, and worried for Noah, or worried that this campground hunt would all be a bust and he had gotten his hopes up for nothing.

No. He really wanted to cry just because he missed Noah. And part of him had to own up to the fact that he had gotten used to having Noah around and wasn’t really able to think of a future without Noah in it. God, he was a mess. “Casey. Thanks for doing this.” He would have gone crazy(er) without his friend, he knew that.

Casey just shrugged, pulling the car over after a few more minutes of driving. “Hey, he’s my friend too. I want to help.” He shut off the engine before finally turning to look at Luke. “And I won’t tell anyone. What you just told me, about Noah’s childhood? I’ll keep it quiet.”

Luke smiled just a little. “Thank you,” he said again. They walked on in silence for a few minutes, Luke letting Casey take the lead. But the silence allowed for Luke’s imagination to crowd his brain again, and all the possible situations in which they could find Noah were starting to make his hands shake. “How did you know about this place?” he finally asked, needing to distract himself.

Casey had the good grace to look a little embarrassed. “Well, uh, it used to be a good place to bring a girl and a six pack in high school.”

And then Luke actually smiled again. “I wouldn’t know.”

A few more minutes of hiking, and then Casey slowed down nearly to a halt, holding up a hand for Luke to be quiet. “We’re here,” he whispered. Then, pointing: “And so is someone else.” Luke followed Casey to the edge of the treeline surrounding a clearing of six old, dilapidated cabins. He looked to where Casey was pointing, and sucked in a sharp breath.

It was the van. The van, the one that had taken Noah away from him, was parked along with a pickup truck next to one of the cabins. Luke couldn’t take his wide eyes off of the building, even though Casey was watching him closely. He nodded. “It’s them.” God, Noah was in there. Noah was right there.

Casey’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “You sure?” he whispered back. Luke just nodded again, taking a few steps closer. Casey twitched, startled, when Luke moved past him towards the cabin. “What are you doing?!” he hissed, trying to grab Luke’s arm.

“I- I just… we need to see if they’re in there. Get an idea of the situation and then get the cops here as soon as possible.” It was the first excuse Luke could come up with. Really? He was hoping he’d see Noah. He slowly, silently, made his way closer to a back window.

Casey cursed every curse he could think of, then made a few more up and cursed them too. “Wait for me!” he followed behind, glad that his sneakers didn’t make noise on the forest floor. He caught up with Luke just as they reached the window. The two of them peeked in, seeing a rusty, bare kitchen with a wooden table taking up most of the room. And sitting at that table was Colonel Winston Mayer and another man, this one sporting a lazy grin on his face and a faded bruise across his temple. Luke perversely hoped he’d gotten it from Noah.

That thought made him quickly search the room, but Noah wasn’t there. ‘He must still be in the basement,’ Luke thought to himself, praying his boyfriend was okay. Movement in the kitchen brought his attention back, and he noticed Casey’s eyes widen when another man tensely entered the room and leaned against the kitchen counter. It must have been the guy Casey saw at Java.

“What is it?” Mayer asked. Luke and Casey exchanged a glance, surprised that they could hear the conversation.

The man by the counter shook his head. “I can’t… I just can’t believe it came to this. It’s coming to this. I didn’t sign up for that.” He gestured off somewhere behind him. “Win… what we’re doing now-”

The Colonel stood up quickly, with a kind of menace that reminded Luke of the grizzly bears on Animal Planet before they attack. “You ‘signed up’ to follow my orders. And that is what you will do, Tim. You know there’s no turning back now. Just… just give me a little more time. Noah is coming to his senses, I know he is. It won’t be much longer now.”

The blood in Luke’s veins ran cold at the mention of his boyfriend. Coming to his senses? What were they doing to him? He felt Casey grab his arm in what was probably a bruising hold, but Luke couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything but the slow thrum of adrenaline in his body steadily getting stronger. He was a ticking time bomb, and the timer was counting down.

Casey must have realized this, because before Luke knew it he was being dragged silently away from the window, back into the cover of the trees. Casey shoved him down against a broad tree trunk, hiding him from view of the cabins, and crouched down next to him. “Breathe,” was all he said, even as he pulled out his cell phone and hit a speed dial.

Luke concentrated on following the command, deep breaths in and out, trying to fight back the adrenaline that told him to run into that cabin and choke the life out of those men, to find Noah and never ever let him go ever again. He couldn’t hear what Casey was saying until he heard his own name mentioned. He looked up again.

“They’re almost here already,” Casey assured him quickly. “Jade called them, my mom said they’ll be here in a few minutes, Luke. This will all be over soon.” Casey wasn’t sure if that sounded comforting or ominous. He hoped the former, feared the latter.

Luke nodded, but his eyes never strayed from the cabin, almost afraid to blink in case it- and the people inside- suddenly disappeared. It took everything in him not to spontaneously combust right then and there. It was so not in his nature to sit still and wait for the friggin’ cops, but Fake-Noah popped up in his brain once more, sternly reminding him that storming the cabin would just put himself, Casey and Real-Noah in danger. Luke grumbled mentally, balled his hands into tight fists, but had to agree.

Casey fidgeted next to him, checking his watch and his cell phone every twenty seconds. Luke continued staring at the cabin, trying to send some telepathic message to Noah: We’re here, it’s going to be okay. Hold on just a little longer. I’m here. I love you. He then held his breath, actually hoping that he’d hear a message from Noah in return. But there was nothing, and Luke bit his lip to keep from screaming something. Anything.

And then Casey’s hand was on his shoulder, and Jack, Dallas, Margo, and over a dozen other people were standing next to them. Some were Oakdale PD, some looked like state cops, and the rest were people Luke didn’t recognize- military people, government people? Whatever, it didn’t matter. They could be Jedi knights in training for all he cared, as long as they did their job and got Noah back to him safely.

Jack hurried over, pulled Luke up to his feet and back a few yards, away from the clearing. “You okay?” he asked in a whisper. Luke could tell he was in full on Detective Mode: his shoulders set more square than usual, eyes taking everything in, one hand resting steadily on his holstered gun.

“Ask me again tomorrow,” Luke answered just as quietly. Jack nodded sympathetically, his mind already moving on to the task at hand. Luke moved over to join Casey and Margo who were already deep in discussion.

“We’re letting the federal agents take the lead on this,” Margo told them. “We’re going to storm the cabin, take out the Colonel and his men. After- and only after- they’ve been secured, we’ll search the place for Noah.”

“Shouldn’t finding Noah be the priority?” Luke demanded as quietly as possible. After all, it was his priority.

“It is, Luke, I promise it is. But the feds think- and I agree- that the smartest thing to do is get Colonel Mayer out of the equation. Think about it, do you really want to risk him being around to hurt Noah more?” Margo didn’t give him time to answer, looking at something over his shoulder. “Okay, it’s time. You two stay here, don’t even think about getting involved until I say so.” She patted both of them on the shoulders hurriedly before moving into position behind the fed team. Jack and Dallas and the other cops were already set.

The next few minutes were a sudden blur of running feet and doors being forced open and shouting. It was the gunshots that drew Luke out of his panic-induced haze. He and Casey tried to rush forward, but a cop held them back, shaking his head, relaying information back and forth with his radio, apparently without any clue of just how much he was killing Luke.

“Who was shooting? Is everyone okay? Is my mom okay?” Apparently Casey was just as frantic. The cop, who Luke had just decided to call Jerky McAsshole until further notice, really started to live up to his new nickname by holding up a hand to silence the boys, still not giving them any information.

Just when Luke was contemplating where to stash Jerky's body after he strangled him to death (Fake-Noah shaking his head, throwing up his hands in defeat), the cop looked over at them. “The suspects have been apprehended,” he said. “Lieutenant Hughes- she’s fine, by the way- says it’s safe for you two to go up to the cabin now. She-”

Luke didn’t wait for the rest, dashing back to the clearing with Casey almost literally on his heels. Both were brought up short by the sight in front of them. Law enforcement guys were everywhere, and Colonel Winston Mayer himself was being led out of the cabin in handcuffs, struggling against the men holding him (one of whom Luke absent-mindedly recognized as Dallas). Luke didn’t see Jack anywhere.

He watched, suddenly feeling numb, as Mayer was put into a squad car. The man never noticed Luke, and Luke couldn’t bring himself to go after the Colonel. It didn’t matter, he didn’t matter. Luke was getting so tired of discovering new depths of anger for this man, it was wearing him out. He just… he just wanted Noah.

Another man (Tim Kelley, Luke remembered) was brought out next. The man was very quiet, very calm, a man who had accepted defeat already. Luke’s eyes were drawn away from him when the next person was brought out. On a stretcher. Luke sucked in a harsh breath, stumbling forward at the sight of the bloody, still form being carried out of the cabin.

“Luke!” Casey grabbed him around the waist from behind, trying to hold him back.

“No…” Luke thought he should be screaming, he was screaming in his head for sure. But it came out of his mouth so quietly. He tried to pull free from his friend, but Casey just held on tighter. “No.”

“Hey.” Somehow Jack was there in front of him, holding both of his shoulders steadily. Luke tried to look past him at the stretcher. There was so much blood… “Luke, it’s not him.”

What? “What?”

Jack’s face was still Detective-calm, but his eyes held that same gentle look he used to give while patching up skinned knees or bee stings. “It’s Alan Reddik. He got hit when we stormed the cabin. It’s not Noah, okay?”

Luke could breathe again. Maybe not normally, but enough to acknowledge his cousin. “O-okay.” He looked at Jack, then the cabin, then Jack again. “Where is he?”

“Boys…” Margo stepped up from out of nowhere before Jack could answer. A state cop pulled Jack to the side, speaking quietly in his ear. Jack looked at the cop for a moment before nodding and hurrying away without another word.

Luke had already forgotten he’d been there at all. “Where’s Noah? Is he okay?” he asked Margo, with Casey echoing the questions a beat behind him. The look on Margo’s face nearly drove Luke to his knees. “Oh God. What happened to him?”

“We don’t know, Luke.” Margo looked so sorry.

Luke shook his head, not understanding. “What does that mean? Where is he?”

“What’s going on, Mom?” Casey demanded next to him.

Margo was obviously trying to stay as calm and commanding as possible. “We found the basement, searched it. Guys, it was empty.” They still stared at her. Margo took an impossibly deep breath. “Noah isn’t here.”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Luke and Casey continue the search, the Snyders gather to hear news about Noah...

Chapter 7: Seven

Summary:

Luke and Casey continue the search, the Snyders gather to hear news about Noah.

“What do you mean, ‘Noah isn’t here?’” This had to be the cruelest cosmic joke ever played on anyone. Ever. Luke wanted to punch the universe in the face. “Where the hell is he?”

Margo shook her head, eyes a little bright. “We’re looking, Luke. I promise that we’re looking.”

“He said he was in the basement!” Casey exclaimed, staring hard at his mother.

She tried not to sigh and fought against putting her hand on Casey’s shoulder, afraid he would just shrug it off. “I know, but he wasn’t in there. We’ve got the rest of the officers and agents looking for him, okay? We’ll find him.”

We’ll find him. How many times had that been said in the last few days? It was Luke’s least favorite sentence. “He- he told me he’d tried to get away from them before. He almost got free. Do you think maybe he escaped again?” Luke ventured. “Maybe he’s in the woods somewhere…” he trailed off. God, why couldn’t this nightmare just be over?

Margo nodded in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “We’ve got people looking for tracks and evidence of that. And they’re searching the van and the other cabins for clues. Trust us, Luke.” She wanted to say more, but was called away by another cop.

Luke might have nodded in response as she left, he just wasn’t sure. He approached the back window where they had first gone to eavesdrop on the Colonel. Casey was, as ever, right next to him, saying nothing and constantly glancing around as though he’d find the X marking the spot where Noah was hidden. Luke was looking in the window, at the ugly and rust-stained kitchen again, going over the conversation they had overheard. “Casey.”

“Yeah?” Casey whipped his head around to look at a suddenly calm and focused Luke. Part of him got worried, but the other part started to fill with hope. Did Luke see something?

“Remember when the one guy said he hadn’t signed up for ‘that,’ and he pointed behind him?” Luke’s brown eyes were laser-focused on the kitchen counter where Tim Kelley had been standing.

“Yeah…” Casey had no idea where this was going, but of course he was going along for the ride.

“He pointed behind him. I thought he was pointing to the room leading to the basement, but what if…” Luke repositioned himself a little, as though lining up his sight with something. “What if he was pointing at something else?”

“Like what?” Casey looked at him quizzically before coming to stand right next to him, trying to get in the same eyeline… There it was. Through another window on the opposite side of the room, one of the other abandoned cabins was almost perfectly framed. “The other cabins,” Casey murmured, turning back to look at his friend with wide eyes.

Luke had that determined expression again, the one he had had during most of that insane drug bust fiasco earlier this year. Casey was more than a little comforted to see it now; it meant Crime-Fighter Luke was back in business. “All Noah said on the phone was that he was in a basement in a cabin.”

Hope and adrenaline started pumping through Casey’s bloodstream in equal measure. “He didn’t say which one.” He shoved Luke in the direction of the other cabin, hurriedly following in his wake. He heard his mother calling his name from somewhere nearby, but Casey had to ignore her for now. Something was telling him to search that cabin, and to do it fast. He noted on the way in that the dirt on the porch had been disturbed recently, and he felt the hope in him rise.

Luke came to a screeching halt in the living room, Casey almost crashing into his back. “Where’s the door?” Luke asked himself, asked Casey, asked the evil universe that continued to conspire against him.

Casey was wondering the same thing. There was nothing, nothing to indicate a basement of any kind. They just couldn’t catch a damn break! He pounded a fist onto the large table in the center of the room. And that’s when he saw it. “Luke!”

Luke had been in the middle of a mental freak-out of his own. He couldn’t even summon Fake-Noah anymore, and that scared him. Noah couldn’t really be gone, Luke wouldn’t allow it. He looked over to Casey and followed his gaze down to the floor. A corner of the large rug was flipped up carelessly. There, just barely revealed, was the edge of a panel. A door to a storm cellar. The basement. “He’s here,” Luke breathed out.

Casey let out a breath of his own, just for a second, and then sprang into action. He ran to the still-open front door and yelled for his mother before sprinting back to help Luke shove the table and rug away. Luke tried to ignore the sickening feeling that told him it was like Noah had been buried alive. ‘As long as he’s alive,’ he reminded himself.

He and Casey both fumbled for the handle in their haste and excitement, finally pulling it up and revealing the stairs that traveled down into near-darkness. They held their breath, listening for something to tell them their idea and their search hadn’t been in vain. There was the tiniest, softest of sounds coming from the darkness, and Luke couldn’t give it a second thought. He scrambled down the steps, hearing Casey following just behind.

Luke was pretty sure he stopped breathing for a few minutes once they reached the bottom of the stairs. It took far too long to process the image that greeted him and Casey. There was just no way the shivering, cowering person chained to the floor in front of him was Noah, his Noah. Casey made a pained, choking sound when he spotted his friend. He seemed rooted to the spot, while Luke snapped out of his daze and rushed forward.

“Oh God!” he cried out, terrified. He skidded to a stop in front of his boyfriend, dropping to his knees and reaching for the chains. “Noah?!” There was no answer. Casey was next to him now, helping him unwind the bindings. Luke forced himself not to look at Noah’s arms, the dozens of small cuts and gashes from when he had obviously struggled to get free. The fact that both of his wrists were taped up was something Luke didn’t want to think about. He also didn’t want to think about the fact that Noah had yet to acknowledge them. That he was freezing cold, shaking, his hair slightly damp. That he was shirtless, covered in dirt and bruises and blood and…

“Noah?” he said again, gently. He put his hands on either side of Noah’s face, frowning when he felt Noah flinch at being touched. Casey moved to untie Noah’s feet, leaving Luke room to get closer, so close he could see Noah’s eyes moving under closed lids. He was mumbling under his breath, and Luke had to lean in even further so he could hear.

“Go away go away go away…”

Luke sucked in a breath, halfway hoping he’d never find out what had Noah so scared. He shook himself out of these thoughts, though. He had to snap Noah back into reality. “No, Noah, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s me, Noah, it’s Luke,” he kept talking softly, hands gentle but steady against Noah’s face. His thumb rubbed lightly over Noah’s bruised and grimy cheek. “It’s Luke,” he repeated it over and over again, praying Noah would hear him, come back to him.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Noah opened his eyes. He was looking right at Luke, but it was pretty obvious he wasn’t seeing him. Luke said his name again, and this time Noah blinked, startled. His eyes, the most beautiful blue eyes Luke had ever seen, glanced wildly around for a second before zeroing in on Luke. He gasped in and out a few times, shaking his head. “L-luke?” He didn’t seem to believe that the other boy was actually there. Luke tried to smile, and Noah shook his head again. “Luke? You’re here?”

Luke’s smile melted into something more genuine then. “Of course. I told you I would find you, didn’t I?” Noah’s head rolled back on his shoulders in absolute relief. “Hey, hey, it’s okay now,” Luke tried to soothe him, but Noah’s slight shaking became more severe. Shock was probably setting in. Luke sighed, dropping a quick kiss onto Noah’s forehead, ignoring the flinch Noah couldn’t hide. “We’re going to get you out of here, but you have to help us. Can you do that?”

Luke felt a little silly, he sounded like he was talking to a little kid, to Ethan or someone. But it was apparent that it was all Noah could handle right now. He was responding more to tone of voice than the actual words, Luke could tell. A few days locked up with those psychos had left Noah with more than physical scars.

“Here,” came another quiet voice. Casey moved closer, shrugging off his sweatshirt and draping it around Noah’s bare shoulders. He eyed the marks crisscrossing Noah’s skin, but he knew now was one of those times when he should definitely keep his mouth shut, as hard as that usually was for him. He helped Luke ease Noah’s arms through the sleeves one at a time, again keeping his mouth shut when Noah tensed at the contact, and then leaned back as Luke carefully zipped up the hoodie. “We should get out of here, dude. He needs a hospital, like, yesterday.”

Luke nodded, his eyes never breaking away from Noah’s. “Help me get him up, Casey.” Casey obliged, moving around so that Noah could see him and would hopefully be less startled. Luke was still focused on Noah. “Noah? Can you walk?”

Noah nodded, but his face was turned towards the stairs and the door, fear quickly replacing the relief he had felt. “Are they… are they gone?”

Luke pulled his face back towards him. “Look at me. They’re gone. They’re not going to hurt you anymore. The cops have them, okay?”

Noah took a moment to process that. “You’re sure?” He was not going up those stairs until he was positive.

Luke reached down to take one of Noah’s hands in both of his. He wanted more than anything to kiss Noah right now, but he was actually afraid of what Noah’s reaction might be. Instead he squeezed Noah’s hand tightly. “I promise. Let’s go home, alright?”

Noah bit at his bruised lower lip, nodded weakly, and reached out both arms so Casey and Luke could help him up. He winced and stumbled as soon as he was standing, but the two guys supporting him kept him upright, pulling his arms over their shoulders and bracing him between them.

The steps seemed endless, and for a second Noah pulled back; he wasn’t sure he’d be able to climb what seemed like a hundred stairs. But Luke and Casey encouraged him forward and bit by bit, step by step, they made their way up and out of the basement.

Just as they were climbing up that last step into the shabby, dusty living room, the front door burst open. Two shadows stood in the doorway, their features blocked by the sunlight behind them. Out of instinct, Luke immediately went on the offensive, taking a step in front just as Casey protectively pulled Noah a step back. “Easy! We’re here to help,” one of the shadows called out.

Luke’s eyes adjusted to the sunlight, and he realized the shadows were paramedics, a man and a woman. Luke heaved a giant sigh of relief. “Oh thank God.” He started to turn back to his boyfriend, calling to them. “He’s right here.” Casey was still holding Noah upright, his own eyes closed in relief. Noah himself was just trying to stay awake, blinking at the harsh lights of the room after spending days in the darkness of that basement.

But the second the male paramedic stepped up close to examine him, Noah flinched violently away, hitting the wall behind him with force. “Noah!” Luke followed him, holding his elbow as Noah slid down the wall to huddle on the floor. He was breathing hard, shaking, hugging himself tightly. “Noah?” He didn’t answer.

Luke looked up uncertainly at the paramedic, not really sure what had just happened, but the man was studying Noah with a look of understanding. “Sarah,” the medic called his female partner over. She stepped up next to him, and he said quietly to her, “We might have a 27-2, maybe you should…”

The female medic’s eyes widened for just a second before her composure and training took over. She nodded and crouched down in front of Luke, Noah, and Casey. She smiled gently. “Hi, Noah. Everything’s okay now, we’re here to help you. Do you understand?” Noah was still shaking, looking at her with wary eyes, but he nodded. “Okay. My name is Sarah. Will you let me check you out, see where you’re hurt?” Noah swallowed hard, looking back and forth between her and the man standing behind her, and then finally nodded again.

Sarah slowly reached forward, pulling Noah’s arms away from where they were clasped around his middle. He seemed okay, if a little out of it, until she reached out to unzip the sweatshirt. She had barely pulled the zipper down an inch when he cried out faintly, shoving her hands away from him.

Luke and Casey both looked panicked, but Sarah kept calm, holding her hands out in front of her where Noah could see them. “It’s still me, honey. I just need to check your ribs, okay? Look at me Noah, look at me.” Noah calmed, focused on her again, nodding. She kept eye contact with him. “No one’s here to hurt you.” Noah stared at her for a moment longer, and Sarah was struck by the barely-there control she saw in the deep blue eyes in front of her. She could actually see him thinking this over, processing it.

When he nodded again she unzipped the front of the sweatshirt halfway, but then stopped when she noticed the makeshift bandages on his wrists. Rather than unwind those bandages now- that could wait until the hospital- she rolled the sleeves up slightly. Sarah frowned at the gashes marring the skin of his forearms before turning her attention again to the rest of him. Luke and Casey eased aside a little, giving her room. The male paramedic pulled out his radio and went back outside the cabin, talking quietly into it.

“Noah?” Sarah brought his focus back to her again. “Does your stomach hurt? Your ribs?” she ran her hands gently but firmly across his bruised torso, checking for injuries. Part of Luke expected Noah to respond with his usual ‘I’m fine,’ so when he simply nodded to her question, Luke couldn’t help but suck in a breath sharply.

Sarah felt along his ribs, making note of where Noah winced. A few bruised, one or two might be cracked or broken. She scanned for any other bone injuries, but only found one shoulder to be swollen at the joint, like it had been dislocated and set again. She wanted to shake her head sadly, but knew that Noah was still watching her.

The bruises and cuts on his chest, shoulders, and back were painful looking but not life-threatening, so Sarah knew it was time to wrap up and get him to the hospital. Noah’s eyelids were starting to waver open and closed, and she figured the poor kid had to be way past exhausted at this point.

“Alright, I think it’s time to get out of here,” she suggested, startling him out of his daze again. He didn’t answer, but Sarah honestly wasn’t expecting him to. She turned to the worried boys on either side of him. “Can you guys help me get him onto the stretcher?”

“Should we touch him?” Casey asked, scared of causing Noah to freak out again. “I mean, he- he…” Casey wasn’t exactly sure what he was trying to say.

Sarah shook her head, smiling encouragingly at all three of them. “I think he trusts you two.”

Luke had his hand on Noah’s shoulder again. “But when we get outside…”

Sarah knew what he was going to say. “I promise, no one touches him except for us, until we get to the hospital.”

Luke nodded, relieved. He turned back to Noah, tracing the side of his face with a hand briefly, before carefully zipping the sweatshirt back up. His hand lingered on the shirt for a moment, but he didn’t want to risk much more contact. It was killing him not to be able to grab his boyfriend and pull him into his arms as tightly as possible.

Sarah put a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I’m going to go get the stretcher, I don’t want him moving around too much with those rib injuries.”

“Okay,” Luke wasn’t looking at her, barely paying attention. Noah was blinking heavily, obviously trying very hard to stay awake and aware. He looked to Luke miserably, his eyes talking even before he opened his mouth. “Don’t, Noah,” Luke knew what he was about to say. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” A tear trailed down Noah’s cheek, and Luke wiped it away tenderly, just as Sarah reappeared with the stretcher. “We’re going to help you get on this thing, okay?” he asked quietly, so only Noah could hear.

Noah looked at it with trepidation and reluctance. “Do I have to-”

“Yes,” Luke and Casey said immediately. Sarah couldn’t help but smile at them, but she nodded as well. She held it steady as Luke and Casey gingerly pulled Noah up and onto the stretcher, steadying on either side of him. She kept the upper half slightly elevated to take pressure off of his ribs, and so he wouldn’t feel completely vulnerable lying stretched out on it.

As soon as Noah was settled, he reached out for Luke, who was already taking his hand. “I’m here, I’m here,” Luke said, leaning close to him. Noah nodded and closed his eyes, trying to force himself to relax. He was confused and in pain and completely freaked out; he didn’t feel safe, he didn’t feel rescued. Unbeknownst to him, Sarah was getting ready to strap him in while both Luke and Casey shook their heads frantically, Casey even going so far as to pull the straps out of her hand. “Please?” Luke tried to beg as casually as possible.

Sarah looked at them, at Noah with his bruises shaped like handprints, and acquiesced. “Luke?” Noah asked, not bothering to open his eyes. His voice shook, worried and weak. Something was wrong. Hell, who was he kidding? Everything was wrong.

Luke squeezed his hand. “I’m here. It’s okay, we’re going to get you out of here now.” With Noah’s eyes closed, Luke was hesitant to really touch him, startle him. So instead, he talked. He kept his mouth close to Noah’s ear, whispering to him the entire time they wheeled him out of the living room, out of the cabin, off the wooden porch and to the back of the waiting ambulance.

“Oh, thank God!” Jack and Margo were waiting there, Jack moving forward to meet them, relieved. He threw an arm around Luke’s shoulders, giving him a one-armed hug, while his other hand helped pull the stretcher along. He studied Noah critically, looked to the paramedic as though he was about to ask something, then changed his mind and kept quiet, for which Luke was grateful.

They all helped load the stretcher into the back of the ambulance, and while Sarah got Noah situated, Luke pulled Jack to the side. “I already called Holden,” Jack told him first, hand on Luke’s arm. “They’re going to meet you at the hospital.” He looked back at the ambulance. “I wish there was someone I could call for Noah…”

“He’s got us,” Luke insisted. Jack had to smile and nod at that.

“Yeah, I have a feeling the hospital will be overrun with Snyders today.”

Luke tried to smile back, but finally had to voice the question that had been in the back of his mind since the paramedics had arrived at the cabin, something he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to. “What’s a 27-2?”

Jack’s smile completely vanished. “What?”

Luke almost wished he hadn’t asked. “The paramedic said something about a 27-2 when they looked at Noah. I know you know what it means. I want you to tell me.”

Jack couldn’t quite meet Luke’s eyes. “Luke, I don’t-”

“Tell me,” he demanded. “I need to know so I can…” he trailed off, hoping Jack would understand.

Jack did. He schooled his features, then met Luke’s gaze. “27-2, it’s a possible sexual assault.” Even though Luke had kind of expected that, he still felt as though the ground was dropping out from under him. God no, please not Noah. It wasn’t fair. How could someone possibly come back from that? How could Noah ever be the same again? It took him a second to realize Jack was speaking again. “Hey, Luke, we don’t know anything for sure. Only thing you should worry about right now is being there for him, starting with the ride to the hospital.”

Luke shook himself back to reality, as Jack smiled comfortingly, giving him a gentle shove towards the ambulance. Sarah was waiting for him inside. “Luke, are you coming?” She had a hand on Noah’s arm, either comforting him or taking his pulse, Luke wasn’t sure. Noah’s eyes were still closed, but a frown was starting to play across his face, pain and exhaustion sinking in.

Luke rushed forward, suddenly wanting- needing- to be near him. He passed by Casey, who was standing at the door of the ambulance. His friend’s face was somber, worried. “Casey,” Luke began, ready to thank him for everything he’d done that day, the past few days.

Casey waved a hand, cutting him off. “Go on, I’ll follow you there in my car.” He nodded to Luke, looking a little more steady and confident. “Nothing to thank me for, Luke. I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant he’d be alright.”

Luke had to smile at that before quickly climbing into the back of the ambulance, taking a seat beside Noah. The last thing Casey saw before the ambulance pulled away was Noah opening his eyes and turning his face towards Luke, just as Luke brushed the hair back from Noah’s forehead.

The second they were out of sight, Casey deflated. The entire situation, everything that had just happened, hit him at once and he had to fight not to dissolve into a mess of tears. “Honey, you alright?” Margo was next to him, looking at him worriedly.

“I’m not Noah, so I’m doing pretty good considering,” he mumbled, glancing around at everything except his mother.

She put a hand against his cheek, forcing him to look at her. “He’s going to be okay. Noah’s strong, he’ll get through this.” She smiled lovingly at him. “And he’s got some pretty amazing people around him to help. You did a good job today.”

“Yeah?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” she echoed. “While I would’ve preferred it if you and Luke hadn’t been here at all, it was lucky you were. You did the right thing waiting for us. And you were the ones who found Noah. I’m really proud of you, Casey.” Casey stared at her for a moment, then threw his arms around her. Margo hugged him tightly. “Everything’s going to be okay,” she whispered. “Now go ahead, I’ll meet you at the hospital later.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Noah had given in to his exhaustion on the way to the hospital and was either asleep or unconscious by the time they arrived. Sarah assured Luke that it was a good thing, Noah needed the rest, but Luke hated that he couldn’t get Noah to wake up. Though he guessed he should be comforted by that- of the two of them, Noah was always the slower and more reluctant to wake up. But try as he might, Luke couldn’t convince himself that this was just any afternoon nap. The numbers “27-2” kept springing to mind, punching him in the gut.

“Okay Luke, do you want to give me a hand?” Sarah asked. She had really been amazing since taking over Noah’s ‘rescue’ as it were. Luke made a mental note to have the foundation buy her a new car. Or house. Or private jet with a complimentary tropical island, whatever she wanted. He nodded to her, helping to push Noah’s gurney out of the ambulance.

Sarah and her partner moved the stretcher along through the ambulance bay and into the ER. Luke kept pace along side them, holding Noah’s hand in both of his. He heard someone curse harshly somewhere behind his right shoulder, and he turned to see his dad there walking beside him. Holden was looking at Noah, a mixture of sadness and outrage crossing his face before he turned to look at Luke. Luke had no idea what his own face looked like, but judging by his dad’s reaction, it wasn’t anything good.

Holden just gazed at him sorrowfully, but a gasp from the other side of the gurney caused both of them to look over in that direction. Lily had one hand on the rail of the stretcher and the other on Noah’s arm. Jade, eyes wide, walked behind her speechless. Tears were falling unobstructed from Lily’s eyes as she looked back and forth between Noah’s bruised and unresponsive face and Luke’s miserable, grieving one.

Suddenly, there were doctors and nurses surrounding them, focused on Noah and forcing the Snyders to step back. Luke initially tried to fight to stay where he was, but Holden clasped his shoulders, steered him back a few feet. Luke shook his head at Holden. “No, you don’t understand, they can’t-”

“Luke,” and then Sarah was there next to him. “The doctors know. My partner radioed ahead.” His parents looked at him, confused, but Sarah just nodded at him calmly. Luke found himself trying to get to Noah again, but Sarah stopped him. “You have to let the doctors take care of Noah now,” was all she said, holding his shoulders firmly.

Luke looked past her at the gurney being rolled away from him, recognizing Alison’s mom as one of the doctors. The second Noah was out of his sight, Luke sagged backwards against the wall, his parents on either side of him. It was like Noah was gone all over again, and Luke couldn’t do anything to help him.

Time must have passed, because all of a sudden Luke blinked and he was no longer standing in the hallway of the ER. He was sitting in an annoyingly uncomfortable chair in a waiting room, Holden on one side and Lily on the other. There was a cup of coffee in his hands. Casey and Jade were sitting across from him, Jade opening and closing her cell phone idly, Casey hunched over, his head in his hands. Luke blinked again, cautiously took a sip of the coffee.

At his movement, Lily turned to him with concerned, loving eyes. “Honey?” she asked quietly.

He shook his head. “Where’s Noah?”

She rubbed her hand along his back. “The doctors are still with him, I’m sure they’ll come talk to us as soon as they can.”

“Sarah?” he asked, looking around.

“The paramedic?” Lily guessed. At Luke’s nod, “She had to go on another call. She said she’s stop by later if she could.” Luke fell silent again, taking another small sip of his coffee. Lily felt she had to keep talking. “Noah’s going to be fine, Luke. He-”

“No Mom, he’s not,” Luke interrupted her. “You don’t know what happened to him…”

“Whatever happened to him, he’ll get better,” Holden spoke up from the other side of him. “Noah’s strong, he’s going to be okay.”

Luke could only shake his head, looking over to Casey. The other young man returned his gaze, conflicted for just a moment before his expression cleared. “He’ll get better, Luke,” Casey said quietly, determinedly. He alone- besides Luke- had seen what Noah had been reduced to in that cabin. Casey was admittedly freaked out to see the usually level-headed, grounded Noah so panicked and out of it, but he had to believe- he needed Luke to believe- that he could recover.

“Luke?” a new voice called out across the room. All five heads snapped up as one. Susan was standing in the doorway, a clipboard in her hands and a weary expression on her face.

Luke was up on his feet in an instant, Lily and Holden right next to him, moving to meet her. Casey and Jade stayed a few feet away, just out of earshot. “How is he?” Luke asked desperately, fearfully. He had to know, no matter how bad.

Susan remained calm, her face giving nothing away. “We’ll be keeping him here for awhile,” she began. “He’s got a nasty concussion, two cracked ribs, another couple are bruised. His shoulder was dislocated and will need to be immobilized for a little while. His arms and legs are scraped up pretty badly, and he’s got enough bruises to make him more than a little sore.”

“Is that it?” Lily asked, overwhelmed by the list of injuries.

Susan sighed. Of course it wasn’t. Thank you again, universe. “Noah’s got the beginnings of pneumonia, his lungs are pretty weak right now. And his immune system has been compromised because it looks like he hasn’t really eaten in a few days. We have him on an I.V. to make up for the nutrients he’s lost, and some antibiotics to fight off infections.”

“But he’s going to be okay eventually, right?” Holden asked, an arm going around Luke’s shoulders. Luke barely noticed. He locked eyes with Susan, waiting.

She hesitated ever-so-slightly before nodding. “Physically, yes. A few days of rest and treatment, and he should be just fine.”

“Okay, what are you not saying?” Lily demanded, looking back and forth between Susan and her son.

Luke clenched his jaw. “The paramedics said he might be a 27-2. Is he?”

“What’s a 27-2?” Holden asked, eyes narrowing in apprehension.

She took a deep breath. “27-2 is the EMS code for possible sexual assault.” Luke heard Lily gasp, felt Holden’s arm tense around him.

Luke inwardly steeled himself, pressed on. He didn’t want to know, but he had to. “And?”

Susan’s apologetic expression answered him before she could even open her mouth. “We believe Noah was a victim of some sexual abuse.”

Hearing it officially, out loud, just made it ten times worse. Luke stumbled back, Holden’s arm the only thing keeping him upright. He had wondered, suspected, since finding Noah in that basement- really since Brett had taunted them at the station- but it had never been so blatantly stated. He wasn’t sure if he could ever accept it. God, what had Noah gone through? His hand went to his mouth, trying to hold in a scream. He was only vaguely aware of the people with him, of Holden’s arms going around him for some sort of comfort.

Lily was silently crying again, but she remained calm, standing her ground in front of Susan. “He was raped?” she asked quietly, her voice unable to rise to normal volume.

Susan held up a hand. “I didn’t say that. There are different forms of sexual abuse, and while Noah’s bruising and injuries suggest he was… assaulted at some level, I don’t believe rape is what actually occurred.”

That brought Luke out of his fog. “Really?” he moved back close to Susan, anxious.

“Like I said, we don’t believe so. But, hospital regulation means we have to perform an exam, use a rape kit, with the patient’s consent. That’s why I’m here now.” She held up the clipboard.

“Why are you telling us?” Holden asked.

“Because he won’t give his consent,” Luke guessed.

Susan shook her head. “Actually, he can’t give consent right now. He’s still unconscious and shouldn’t wake up for awhile. It’s up to his next of kin to provide permission.”

“Noah doesn’t have anyone,” Luke pointed out quietly, his heart breaking just a little bit more. Well, his dad was alive again, but Luke didn’t think that counted, and he’d be damned if he let the Colonel make any decisions concerning Noah.

“Actually, his latest medical records and proxy have you listed as his next of kin, Luke,” Susan replied, smiling a little at the shocked look on Luke’s face.

“They do?” Luke felt tears start to collect at the corners of his eyes. Noah had never said anything. Of course. It was always actions, not words, with him. He could kiss and kill that guy in equal measure sometimes. Luke couldn’t help but smile fondly. God, he loved him.

“So if you give your consent, I need you to sign this for me, and we’ll go ahead with the exam,” Susan held the clipboard toward him. Luke reached for the pen and was about to sign his name when he hesitated, wondering how shy, reserved Noah would react to being examined like this. Hadn’t he been through enough?

“Luke,” Holden spoke quietly next to him, sensing his trouble. “Whether Noah would feel comfortable with it or not, you should do what’s best for him. He trusts you to do that, or he wouldn’t have put your name on his records.” Luke took a deep breath, nodded, and signed his name to the consent form. Next of kin. He was Noah’s next of kin in an emergency. He hoped to God he never had to be a next of kin ever again.

Susan gave him a comforting smile, already turning to get back to her patient. “Another hour or so, and you’ll be able to see him, okay?”

“Okay, thanks,” he tried to contemplate having to wait a whole hour more. He wondered if pulling his own teeth out one by one with a pair of pliers would be enough of a distraction in that time. Probably not.

Susan had taken a few steps back to Noah’s room when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to see Casey looking at her somewhat timidly. “I tried to call Ali, left a message. Do you know where she is?”

She nodded, taking in Casey’s subdued, pale appearance. “She’s on duty up on the third floor. I’ll let her know about Noah, get someone to cover her shift. You look like you need her down here,” she said quietly so the others wouldn’t here.

Casey looked down, nodding. “Yeah, I think I do.” They shared an understanding smile, and then Susan headed out again.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

An hour had come and gone, and Luke was still in the waiting room. Right now, he didn’t care about the results of Noah’s latest tests, he didn’t care about what the cops were doing with Colonel Mayer and his men, he didn’t care that the number of people waiting with him had doubled. He didn’t care what Noah had gone through, what Noah looked like right now, what he himself looked like. He just needed to see him.

“Luke, maybe-” Lily tried to grab his arm as his pacing took him past her again.

“Mom, I swear to God if you say I should sit down and relax one more time I will-”

“Luke,” Holden was next to her. “If you don’t take a breath you’re going to end up a patient here too.”

“Good! At least then I’d be able to leave the waiting room!” he raised his voice at the end, directing it to whatever doctors and nurses were walking around the hallways. Shouldn’t it be part of their Hippocratic Oath to help him? He was suffering, damn it! And if anything else, he was certainly a medical wonder right now- most of his blood had to be made up of caffeine at this point.

“Hey, sugar, you can’t be this worked up when they let you in to see Noah,” Emma spoke up from somewhere behind him. She had arrived not long after Ali, who was now sitting with her arm threaded through Casey’s. The waiting was filling up steadily. Margo had already checked in and gone back to the station to participate in the questioning of Colonel Mayer and the others.

Holden was on the phone talking to Lucinda, who still had the kids. Faith had apparently threatened to hotwire a car if she wasn’t allowed to come to the hospital. Jade and Lily sat side by side, their shoulders resting against each other. Dusty and Jack were leaning against the wall on opposite sides of the room, gripping coffee cups tightly.

“Well if they’d let me see him I wouldn’t be worked up!” he was just this side of yelling, his voice rushed and breathless. No one in the room felt like they could argue with him.

“Luke…” But Lily decided she had to try again. She saw him take a deep breath, ready to battle some more.

“Excuse me,” Susan had miraculously appeared in the doorway.

“Oh, thank the Lord,” Luke made a beeline for her, Lily right next to him. The rest of the group stood, crowding behind them. “Well?” he asked anxiously, peering behind her as though Noah would be standing there ready to go home, asking if they can stop at Java on the way.

“Go around the corner, third room on the left, 220,” she told him.

Luke gave her what he hoped was a thankful smile as he hurried past her, leaving his parents to get Susan’s latest update. The run- and it was definitely a run- to Noah’s room felt like it was ten miles long, and the six hours or so it took for him to reach the door gave Luke’s brain a chance to think through all the things he would say to Noah when he saw him.

He skidded to a halt at the third door on the left and took a deep breath. His grandma was right; he had to calm down, couldn’t overwhelm Noah right away. As quickly and quietly as he could, Luke opened the door and slipped into the room.

And almost ran back out again.

There were no words to describe how Noah looked besides ‘awful.’ Luke had thought that since the medical staff had cleaned him up and dressed his wounds he would look better than he had in the cabin, but in some ways he just looked worse. Luke had never seen his six-foot-one boyfriend look so small, lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines that beeped and whirred and filled the otherwise silent room with noise.

Luke forced himself to take a few steps closer, studying his boyfriend bit by bit from his legs and torso covered by a hospital-issued blanket up to his arms, one connected to an I.V. pole next to the bed and the other wrapped up to his shoulder and bound tightly against his body. His wrists and arms were taped up and littered with small bandages and bruises.

And then his face. Noah’s face- mottled with bruises of every size and color, small cuts and gashes, and dark shadows under his eyes- was so very still.

Luke took a few more steps, finally coming up next to the bed. “Hey, Noah,” he whispered, reaching out to graze his fingers along Noah’s free hand. The only answer was the beeping and whirring around him. “It’s, uh, Luke,” he exhaled with a little laugh. Like he doesn’t know who you are. “Anyway,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “we’re all here, waiting for you to get better. So you have to, okay? No compromises on this. You have to wake up and get better.”

He swallowed hard, searching for the right words. God, he hadn’t been this awkward around Noah since they had first gotten together! “I’m going to be right here, so you don’t have to worry about anything.” As if to illustrate his point, Luke grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it up close to the bed, wedging himself next to the I.V. pole. He eyed it nervously for a second before decidedly ignoring it. “I’m right here,” he said again, lifting up Noah’s hand in both of his, holding it, kissing it softly.

The door opened behind him, but Luke didn’t turn to see who it was. He kept his eyes on Noah’s face, not wanting to miss him possibly waking up. But he couldn’t help but look up when a hand touched his shoulder tentatively. “Hi baby,” Lily said quietly, not wanting to disturb the silence in the room.

Luke quickly wiped away the tear that had been threatening to fall since he had sat down. “What did Dr. Stewart say?”

“He’s going to be okay eventually. It may be awhile before he’s awake and aware, but he will get there,” Lily said firmly. “The doctors think he got pushed beyond exhaustion, and he hadn’t eaten in a few days…” she faltered for a second before continuing. “They also gave him a mix of medication that’ll have him knocked out for some time, which is good. He needs the rest, right?” she prompted him to agree.

Luke just nodded, eyes back to studying every inch of Noah’s face. Lily sighed, turning to really study Noah for herself. The bruises and cuts covering him tore at her heart, the ordeal he must have gone through. For her own sanity, Lily had to ignore the welts and marks on his neck and collarbone that had been made by… no, she couldn’t think about that right now.

Instead, she moved around to stand on the other side of Noah’s bed, gently laying her hand on his forehead, brushing the hair away. “Hi sweetie,” she whispered. She heard Luke sniff from the other side of the bed but pretended not to notice. “You’re safe now, Noah. You just concentrate on getting better, okay?” She leaned down and lightly kissed his cheek, then turned back to her son. “The exam came back negative for…” Lily couldn’t finish the sentence, but hoped Luke knew what she meant.

He did. He deflated with a bone-deep sigh, resting his forehead and his and Noah’s clasped hands. “Thank God,” he murmured. He kissed the hand again, staring into his boyfriend’s face. Come on Noah! If this was one of your movies the patient totally would have woken up by now. Why can’t you be like Sleeping Beauty? I’ll kiss you again if I have to, as many times as it takes!

“Luke…” Lily’s voice, very gently, brought him back to her. He readied himself, knowing this wouldn’t be good news. “He may not have been raped,” Lily hesitated a bit on the word. Saying it out loud in front of Luke, in front of Noah, left a bad taste in her mouth. “But he was hurt by that man. Assaulted. Susan said there was bruising-”

Luke cut her off with a quick shake of his head. “Look at him, Mom. I know something happened. You should have heard him on the phone, and when we found him in the basement… he was terrified. I’ve never heard him scared like that before.” He stopped, getting himself back under control. Lily made her way around the bed to her son and wrapped an arm around him. She wanted to pull him up into a hug but knew better than to try and separate his hand from Noah’s.

They were silent for a few minutes, just watching Noah breathe in and out, occasionally wincing when his lungs seemed to crackle on the inhale. Luke had almost forgotten about the pneumonia. It explained how Noah’s hands could be so cold and yet his face so flushed with fever, glistening with sweat. Noah had to be so uncomfortable right now.

He pulled down on the sleeve of his sweatshirt, used it to dab at Noah’s forehead, telling himself not to get upset when there was no reaction to the touch. Noah was on a lot of meds, he needed the rest, he needed to heal. Luke’s brain understood that, but he still couldn’t help but silently beg for Noah to open his eyes and show he was okay.

And maybe finally- finally- the universe decided to be nice to him. Because just as he pulled his arm back and went to hold Noah’s hand again, he heard his mom gasp softly, her own hands tightening on his shoulders. Noah’s eyes were open.

Luke wanted to shout, to cry, to give a very happy victory dance, but he kept his cool. Noah didn’t acknowledge them, didn’t really even move except to scan the room back and forth with scarily-blank eyes, trying to figure out where he was. His breaths quickened, and Luke could feel him shaking again.

“Hey, hey, Noah…” he gently squeezed his hand, speaking softly. Neither he nor Lily made any sudden movements towards the bed. Noah was feverish, probably disoriented, and there was a good possibility that he didn’t remember everything that had happened. Luke slid his chair even closer so he was in Noah’s line of sight. “Hey. You’re okay. It’s okay.” He kept up a steady stream of quiet words, waiting for Noah to focus on him. To realize he was safe.

Very very slowly, Noah’s breathing calmed, and he stared heavy-lidded into Luke’s eyes. Just looking. He made no move to talk, and Luke didn’t try to make him. After a bit, Noah’s eyes started to flutter closed and open again, but he kept his gaze on Luke as though steadying himself. Luke cautiously moved one hand up to Noah’s hair. One of the nurses must have washed it when they were treating him. He let his fingers trail through it tenderly.

He purposefully didn’t allow himself to get upset when Noah flinched at the initial contact. He didn’t care. He didn’t care that Noah wasn’t talking. He didn’t care that for the first time in at least a year, he couldn’t read the emotions- or lack thereof- in Noah’s eyes. He didn’t care that he could see teeth marks at the base of Noah’s neck.
 
What mattered was that Noah was finally safe and could (would) get better. He kept his eyes locked with Noah’s, running his hand through his hair until Noah’s eyes slowly closed and he slipped away again. And even with his mother right there gripping his shoulder tightly, Luke couldn’t help but feel very, very alone.

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: The doctors and Snyders worry about Noah's fever, the interrogation of Colonel Mayer goes nowhere, a conversation with Noah leaves Luke devastated...

Chapter 8: Eight

Summary:

The doctors and Snyders worry about Noah's fever, the interrogation of Colonel Mayer goes nowhere, a conversation with Noah leaves Luke devastated.

Emma knocked lightly on the door and waited. No answer. She knocked again, a little louder. Still nothing. She counted to twenty in her head and then slowly opened the door to Noah’s hospital room. “Holden?”

Her son was there, sitting in one of those hard plastic chairs that were a staple of hospital rooms everywhere. He was asleep, head dropped down to his chest, one hand resting on the bed next to- but not touching- Noah’s arm. The same arm that had just been unwrapped by the doctors, the shoulder no longer an issue.

Noah himself was also asleep, or unconscious, or whatever state it was he’d been in since arriving at the hospital. Lily said he had woken up once or twice, but he’d been so completely disoriented and silent that it was like he wasn’t even there. The doctors said that it was normal, a combination of a bad fever and the medication they had him on, not to mention the trauma, but Emma could tell it had still disturbed Lily and Luke to see.

“Mama?” Holden’s voice was extra-deep, thick from an uneven sleep. Emma stepped up closer to his chair, putting her hand on his shoulder. He covered her hand with his own. Both of them watched Noah for a few seconds as he slept, breathing unevenly and frowning at who-knows-what.

“How’s he doing?” Emma asked softly, her heart breaking at the sight before her. She dearly loved this boy, and to see him so bruised and fragile… she shook her head sadly.

Holden was unknowingly echoing her movement. “No real change. Susan and Bob were both just in here to examine him, but they said there’s not much more they can do until his fever breaks.” He sighed, rubbing the side of his face to try clearing his head. “If the fever’s still this high tomorrow, they may have to open him up, so-”

“Surgery?” Emma’s voice was still hushed, even though she doubted even Ethan at his worst could wake up Noah right now. “Why surgery? I thought it was just pneumonia!”

“It’s a strong fever, Mama, and he has some broken ribs. They’re worried now that there might be some internal bleeding, if his fever and bruising stays as bad as it is.” He squeezed her hand, drawing and giving comfort at the same time.

Emma held her breath for a moment. “Lord have mercy,” she quietly prayed. Turning back to her son, “Lily just took the girls home to get some sleep. They’re putting up quite a fuss about going to school tomorrow.” She and Holden shared a weak smile at that. “Where’s Luke?” she asked, having not seen him in awhile.

“Casey and Alison took him down to the cafeteria for some dinner, whatever good that’ll do him.” He nodded over to the rollaway cot that had been set up next to Noah’s bed. Emma hadn’t noticed it when she came in. “I don’t think he’ll be leaving this hospital until Noah does.”

“Did you expect anything different?” Emma genuinely smiled this time. Such a big heart her grandson had. And she knew Noah held a very special place in it. Emma was sometimes surprised that two people who seemed so different could fit so perfectly together.

Though should she really be shocked? Look at her own son and Lily. Or even herself and Harvey, may he rest in peace. Sometimes it was the differences, the way they complimented and balanced each other, that made the bond that much stronger.

Emma was drawn out of her thoughts when Noah began shifting restlessly in his bed and wincing at the motion. His head shook back and forth, his breaths moving in and out quickly like a panic attack. Worried, Emma frowned and took a step closer, but Holden seemed to know what to do. He shifted forward, still sitting, and put his hand over Noah’s. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said quietly.

The blanket slid down from his upper body, and Emma got her first glimpse of the bruises and cuts littering Noah’s arms, the bandages on his wrists. She couldn’t stop a gasp from escaping her lips. “Oh Holden… what happened to him?” Hearing that the boy had been beaten and seeing it were two very different things. Oh Lord, poor Luke.

Holden didn’t answer her at first- couldn’t- because he was still talking softly to Noah, calmly and patiently. “It’s okay, Noah. You’re safe, you’re safe.” It reminded Emma of when her son worked with a skittish, scared horse. And her heart broke just a little bit more. She wasn’t so distraught, however, that she didn’t notice Holden only touched Noah’s hand, not his shoulder or face or anywhere else.

Noah tossed and turned for a few seconds more before finally stilling, never once saying a word or opening his eyes. Emma felt her own eyes well up. Holden shifted again and turned to her, looking as old as she felt. “Mama…”

She shook her head again, unable to look away from Noah. “He has handprints on his skin.” The clear outline of fingers were bruised onto his arms just above each elbow. “What happened to him?” No one deserved to suffer like this, least of all this young man who had fallen in love with her grandson and her family.

Holden cleared his throat, looking over Noah again and checking to make sure he really was calm. “I can’t… it’s not my story to tell, Mama. Legally, or… he… when Noah’s better, it’ll be up to him to talk about it. And nobody really knows what really happened besides him, so…” he shrugged. “He’s been though a lot, though. None of it good. None of it.”

Emma nodded, knowing she wouldn’t get anything more out of him. It did nothing to rid her of the fear that had taken up residence in the pit of her stomach. Noah had been rescued, but she wasn’t sure that he had yet been saved. Though if anyone could do that, she was sure Luke could. “Any more word on his father?” Emma had to change the subject, even if using the word ‘father’ in relation to that horrible, pathetic excuse for a human being made her skin crawl.

Holden looked like he was on a similar train of thought. “Last time Jack checked in they were still questioning the men.”

“Questioning? Why? Isn’t it obvious they’re all guilty?” Emma was even more worried now. They couldn’t possible let one of the men somehow go free, could they? They should already be locked up, keys thrown away. No, keys melted down into nothing and buried at the bottom of the ocean.

“Oh, they’re all going away for a long time, don’t worry,” Holden obviously sensed her distress. “The police just want to charge them with as much as possible. And figure out the motives for everything. It’ll help with the sentencing, I think.”

Emma put her hand on Holden’s, which was still on Noah’s, not sure of what else she could say or do. Her usual methods of coping were wearing thin; there were only so many baked goods to make in this world, and she and Janet between them had pretty much covered it all. “As long as they’re punished for what they’ve done. To our family.” This had hurt them all deeply, and now was the time to start putting things back together.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Margo glared at the man who was sitting calm, collected, and (thankfully) handcuffed to the table in front of her. It always threw her, always baffled her, when she came across people who were completely without conscience. Black and white characters like this shouldn’t exist in the real world. And usually they didn’t, but every once in awhile a man like Winston Mayer would pop up, showing Margo that there really could be someone in the world who was pure evil.

“I didn’t kidnap anyone,” Winston said yet again, explaining it slowly and carefully as though Margo was a small child who couldn’t figure out her math homework. She wanted to slam his head into the wall. “He’s my son. He belongs with me. I did nothing wrong.”

“Really?” Margo’s voice was low. “There’s a set of handcuffs in evidence right now with your son’s blood on them. That tells me a different story.”

Winston sat back oh-so-casually. “Sometimes kids make poor decisions. It’s up to the parent to do what’s necessary to set them straight again.” He inspected his nails, as though this was nothing. As though he wasn’t under arrest (again) and facing serious charges (again). As though his son wasn’t in the hospital right now, grievously injured. He continued, cutting Margo to the core. “Don’t you have children, Lieutenant Hughes? Wouldn’t you do whatever you have to so they turn out the right way?”

For a second she couldn’t speak. Even at her worst with Casey (and there had been a “worst,” she knew that), she had never purposefully hurt her kid like this, had she? She stared at the Colonel, who had the audacity to simply shrug his shoulders back at her in a “what-are-you-gonna-do?” gesture.

She knew what she wanted to do, she wanted to tear him limb from limb as slowly and painfully as possible. Instead Margo took a deep breath, stood up, and looked over to the guard in the room with them. “I’m taking a break. If he tries anything, feel free to shoot him ten or twenty times.”

Jack was waiting for her out in the squad room. “How’s it going in there?” he asked, already knowing and dreading the answer.

She finally let out the heavy sigh she’d been having to hide from Mayer. “I feel a little like Clarice talking to Hannibal Lector. Oh, and he’s handing out parenting advice, by the way, if you need any.”

“Yeah, no thanks,” Jack replied darkly, glaring in the general direction of the interrogation room.

“How’s Dallas doing with the other guy?” she asked, dying for some good news.

“Surprisingly well,” Jack settled down at his desk. “Sergeant Kelley is being very cooperative, giving up all sorts of intel. Hasn’t asked for a reduced sentence in exchange, either. Apparently whatever ended up happening at that cabin was more than he bargained for.” He shook his head. “A kidnapper with a conscience, I guess.”

“Sure, it’s not too much to just kidnap and assault an innocent kid. That doesn’t cross the line,” she spit out before stopping to calm herself. Her father-in-law had sent over Noah’s latest medical report for evidence, and the exam they had had to do… even knowing the results, she still hated these men, wanted to cry for Noah. It brought back memories of her own that she didn’t like having.

She hated that she could- on some level- imagine what the kid was going through. She knew Jack could too, and it was a topic both of them were purposefully avoiding. But that caused her to remember something else. “What are you even doing here? Did IA clear you that quickly?”

Jack nodded. “I had about a dozen state and federal officers as my witnesses, so they didn’t really need that much of an investigation.”

“Alright.” Margo could tell Jack didn’t really want to talk about what had happened during the shootout, so she let it go for now. “You going back to the hospital later? How’s everyone doing?”

“Yeah, in a few hours. Janet wants to visit. And they’re all good, I think. No- not good, but, you know, better. They’re still not sure if Noah will need surgery or not tomorrow. But he hasn’t gotten any worse, so the docs are hoping the fever is just from the pneumonia and malnutrition.”

“And not internal bleeding,” Margo finished for him. She took another second to study the so-called man in the interrogation room. He was real, sitting in the room right next to her. And she still had a hard time believing evil like him could exist. And it was going to be her job to make sure he’d never hurt anybody ever again. Then thoughts of ‘pure evil’ and ‘hospital’ mixed in her brain, and she remembered something else she needed to talk to Jack about. “Jack?”

“Yeah?” he semi-grunted, looking over some paperwork. What he wouldn’t give for a simple traffic violation incident right now. Something mindless and uncomplicated.

“There’s something else you need to know.” He looked up, concerned. What now? The expression on her face did nothing to make him feel better. “It’s about Alan Reddik.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Luke…”

Luke grumbled slightly, shifting on the cot into a different position, hoping he’d be more comfortable on his back. “Not now, Dad.” God, he felt like he had just finally fallen asleep.

“Luke?”

He sighed heavily, but then he realized it wasn’t his dad’s voice. It couldn’t be, because his parents had gone home for the night at his insistence. He had been left alone in the room with Noah…

Noah.

Luke sprang up from the cot almost blindly, his eyes blurry and feet tangling momentarily in the blanket before he managed to kick it aside. Within seconds he was at Noah’s side. His boyfriend’s eyes were half-open, searching the room. Luke could have cried with relief (okay, maybe he was) when those eyes actually spotted him and focused on him. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

Noah nodded, licking his dry, bruised lips. Luke had to fight not to lean down and kiss them, taste them. Instead he picked up a nearby glass of water, held the straw up to Noah’s mouth. “Drink,” he said softly. Noah obediently took a few sips, pulling away even before Luke could warn him to take it slow.

After putting the cup aside again, he very gently and very slowly perched on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?” he asked as he took Noah’s hand in his. His face was still too flushed and feverish, but he was talking. He recognized Luke! That had to be a good sign. His fever must be breaking; they wouldn’t have to do any surgery.

Oblivious to Luke’s mental ramblings, Noah glanced around again. He wasn’t moving any part of his body that he absolutely didn’t have to. “Where…?”

“You’re in the hospital. Oakdale Memorial. Room 220 if you want to be really specific,” Luke tried to joke.

His smile fell when Noah looked up at him, lost. “Am I sick?” He had never heard Noah’s voice sound this young, this small. It just brought more tears to his eyes. Now was not the time to get into what had happened. Noah was obviously still too disoriented. But what was he supposed to tell him? “Did I get sick?”

“No, love, you didn’t get sick. You got hurt,” he tried as hard as he friggin’ could to keep his voice steady. “But you’re going to get better, understand? You’re going to be okay.” Luke would make sure of that.

“Are you alright?” Noah’s voice was fading a bit, words slurring. It was the voice Luke imagined Noah would have if he was ever really drunk. He’d never seen Noah drunk before, because he refused to drink around Luke except for very special occasions, when he was sure Luke wouldn’t be uncomfortable or- God forbid- tempted to join in.

Luke had once tried to tease Noah into drinking, saying he didn’t mind being a permanent DD, but Noah had very seriously said that it was Luke and not alcohol that made his night worthwhile. Luke still couldn’t believe the shy, stuttering guy who had had such a hard time saying ‘I love you’ could pull out one-liners like that.

“Luke?”

He started slightly. He had been mental-rambling again. “No, yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine. Just worried about you.”

“Sorry,” Noah whispered, closing his eyes briefly, gathering strength before opening them again.

Luke felt like he was frowning and smiling at the same time. Was that possible? “No, no, baby. Nothing to be sorry for. You’re going to be okay, and that’s all that matters.” Noah watched him hesitantly, obviously out of it. Luke pulled a chair closer and settled down in it, still holding his hand. “Do you want to go back to sleep, Noah? You’ll probably feel better next time you wake up. I’ll be here, I promise.”

Noah gave the tiniest of nods, settling back deeper on the pillow with a slight cough. His lungs really didn’t sound as bad as they first had. The antibiotics must be working. Luke couldn’t stop himself then, leaning forward and very gently kissing Noah on the forehead, encouraged by the soft sigh he heard as he pressed his lips onto too-warm skin. Maybe Noah was getting better already- “Luke?”

“Yeah?” When he sat back, Noah’s eyes were pretty much closed, his voice sounding even more far away.

“Don’t tell my dad,” was all Noah said.

Luke knew he was definitely frowning now. “What?”

Noah still had his eyes closed, but he struggled to open them again, halfway back to sleep. He looked at Luke pleadingly. “Don’t tell my dad I got sick. He gets mad when I… I’ll get better, I swear. I can take care of myself. Please don’t call him.” The crystal-blue eyes were cloudy now, looking at someone who wasn’t Luke. Unshed tears just barely glazed over them, fear creeping in.

Luke swallowed heavily around a suddenly very dry mouth. Oh God. “Noah…” he cleared his throat. “It’s- it’s okay, I won’t call him. He’s not here. It’s just you and me.”

“He’ll get mad,” Noah whispered again, taking on that drunk tone once more.

Luke ran his hand through the sweat-soaked dark hair. “He won’t hurt you. I promise I won’t call him, no one will call him. Okay? I’m going to take care of you.” His throat seized up when Noah tilted his head into the touch, smiling just a little. He hadn’t seen Noah’s smile in… how long? It felt like centuries.

“Love you, Luke…” his voice dropped off a little at the end.

“Noah?” He sat forward quickly. Noah recognized him now? Was he back to reality? Because as much as Luke had always wanted Noah to tell him more about his childhood, he didn’t want to have that conversation with the actual eight-year-old-version of Noah. It hurt too much. “Noah?”

He was out again. But his breathing was a little slower and deeper than before. And he hadn’t flinched when Luke touched him this time. That meant he had to be getting better, right? Suddenly Luke wasn’t so sure. And he didn’t know what to do, so he went with his first instinct- he rested his elbows on the empty space of the bed next to Noah’s body, buried his face in his hands, and cried.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The only place Alison could think of where Casey might hide was the rooftop. She made her way up the stairwell after promising Margo she’d get Casey to call either his mom or dad as soon as possible. She wrapped her coat tighter around herself as she stepped out into the very cool, very dark air and spotted him immediately, sitting in the far corner of the roof, his back resting against the low edge. He was turning his cell phone over and over in his hands slowly, staring at nothing.

“Hey,” she said quietly, almost uncertainly, sitting down next to him so their shoulders were touching. “Your mom’s looking for you.”

“Yeah, uh,” Casey cleared his throat, waving his phone around absentmindedly. “I know. I’ll call her in a couple minutes.”

“Okay,” she still spoke softly, eyeing him concerned. She hadn’t felt this awkward around him in awhile, and couldn’t figure out why. “You okay?”

He smiled darkly. “It’s weird how people keep asking me that. It’s not like anything happened to me.”

“Casey, you went through something pretty horrible.” She risked putting her hand on his arm, could feel the tension pulling on the muscles under her touch. “It’s okay to be upset.”

“But I didn’t go through anything near as bad as Noah did. Or Luke, for that matter. And my mom was in a shootout the day before yesterday. Could’ve been shot. And somehow everyone else is, like, soldiering on and doing what they’re supposed to do in this situation. But… I don’t know what to do.”

Ali squeezed his arm, struck by the troubled look on his face. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. Be there for Luke. Be there for Noah when he needs it. You helped save him, Casey. Don’t forget that.”

He shook his head, brushing his shaggy hair out of his face. “It’s just… it’s so hard to be near them right now.”

“What? What do you mean?” Ali was getting really confused. She just wanted to know why Casey was so upset and how she could make him feel better.

“Whenever I look at Noah, all I see is what he looked like when we found him in that basement. How he acted…” he shook his head again. “I don’t know how I’m going to treat him- how I’m supposed to treat him- when he wakes up. And Luke- God, Luke is hanging on by a thread of sanity right now. His mood swings are swinging around a lot more than usual.”

Alison almost smiled, especially because it was true. When they had finally gotten Luke to take a break that first night in the hospital, he had been so relieved that Noah had actually been rescued that he was a crazy mix of exhausted worry and a volcano of energy and gratefulness, talking a mile a minute, telling Ali the whole story.

Well, she conceded, not the whole story. Luke had occasionally stopped himself from telling too much, sometimes exchanging a glance with Casey before speaking again. As a nurse, Ali knew that there were some things about Noah’s condition that had to be kept private, and only Luke and his parents really knew what. And probably the police. And, if this rooftop meeting meant anything, obviously Casey.

In a rare moment of camaraderie, Jade had told Alison about Casey and Luke’s reactions to Noah’s phone call, the way the Snyders had reacted to whatever news Ali’s mom had given them. Everyone else was being kept in the dark. Ali herself had watched Lucinda Walsh argue with Lily, demanding to know the full extent of Noah’s prognosis, and Lily had shockingly (possibly at her own risk) refused to give in. To Lucinda Walsh. That alone told Ali that Noah’s condition was serious, and there was probably more to it than the eye could see.

If it had been anyone else, she might have used a friend in the nursing staff to sneak a glance at Noah’s charts. But this was Noah. Ali respected him too much for that, knew if it was worth knowing then Noah would tell it himself. But she and Jade had both admitted to being really worried and curious.

“If Noah doesn’t come through this okay, it won’t matter if we’re ‘there’ for Luke or not,” Casey continued. “And I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around them. Should I just keep trying to cheer them up and pretend nothing happened? Or do I need to act different around Noah until he’s… or leave him alone? And will it matter either way, since nothing I do will actually help them? I just…” he trailed off, back to staring at his cell phone.

“So.” Ali tried to summarize. “You feel guilty for being upset over what happened, and you’re scared that things might not end well and you won’t be able to fix it.”

Casey stared at her, wide-eyed. “How did you do that?”

She smiled then. “I’m a genius,” she answered breezily. Casey gave a half-hearted chuckle, and it encouraged her on. “Because, what you’re feeling is normal, Casey. I’ve seen it in instances of trauma before- this is how people react. Kind of like survivor’s guilt, in a way. And the fact that you care so much? It means you are good, decent person. And a good friend. So just keep it going. And…” she put her hand to his face, making sure he was really listening. “You have to believe that Noah- and Luke- will get through this. They’re going to need us to help, sure, but… but they’re going to be okay, I know it.” She nodded confidently.

She wasn’t just saying that, she really meant it. Noah had woken up a few more times, and was getting more and more lucid each time. Luke had actually taken a shower and a nap, had eaten real food that didn’t come out of a vending machine. “They’re going to be just fine. They have to be.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Knock, knock.”

A voice pulled Bob out of his wandering thoughts. He looked up from the paperwork on his desk, the same paperwork that had been sitting there untouched for at least an hour. “Marcus, hello. Come on in.”

The man who entered his office was someone Bob had known for nearly ten years. Dr. Weston had always reminded Bob of his own son, he even looked a little like Tom. He was also a good friend, and a good doctor. And exactly who Bob needed right now. “I got your message, you wanted to see me?” He sat down with the sigh that came with getting older and also having a bad back remind you that you were getting older.

Bob smiled, but it wasn’t necessarily a happy smile. “I’ve got a patient for you.” He slid a file across his desk, watching as Marcus picked it up but didn’t open it.

Marcus raised his eyebrows. “A patient for me? …And here I thought you were just going to invite me to dinner,” he spoke as his eyes traveled down to look at the name on the file. “So what is it about this ‘Noah Mayer’ that has you calling me up from my office down in the psych pit? And asking me to take on my first patient in over four years?”

“You could read the file and find out,” Bob pointed out, knowing what Marcus’s response would be.

He didn’t disappoint. “I’d rather hear it from you. Medical reports only tell me so much.” He looked Bob in the eyes. “Come on, Bob. Why’s this case so important to you that you ask specifically for me?”

He couldn’t help but smile again. “Ah, don’t think you can analyze me, bucko. This is about Noah.” He took a breath, readying himself for this whole story. “He’s a friend of my grandson’s. A really good kid. And he’s been through a lot of trauma.”

“Physical or mental?” Marcus apparently was appeased by Bob’s words and recommendation, and he started to open the file and read. His eyebrows raised every so slightly as he scanned the reports, but he gave no other reaction.

“Both,” Bob confirmed with a nod. Marcus continued reading. “He means a lot to many people in this town, my grandson and wife included. We just want him to get the best help possible.”

It was Marcus’s turn to smile now. “Ah-ha. And does Kim know you’re asking me?”

“It was her idea, of course,” Bob shot back before sobering. “Seriously, Marcus, he’s going to need you to help him get over what happened. What his father did to him and allowed to happen… you’re the best shot he’s got.”

Marcus was nodding, but made no commitment either way. “Where is he now?”

“We just moved him from ICU to standard care, a private room. He was battling pneumonia when he first got here; his fever broke yesterday and he’s doing better physically. But between the delirium caused by the fever and the nightmares he’s been having… he’s been in and out of awareness. We’re still not sure if he really knows or remembers what happened to him, or if-”

“Or if he’s just blocking it out,” the psychiatrist finished for him, rubbing his chin, reading over Noah’s file one more time.

Bob knew he had him. “He needs you, Marcus. You’re the one I trust with his care.” And now for the real deal-breaker. “His boyfriend’s family is friends with mine. The Snyders.” Marcus reacted a little. “Yes, that’s right. Lucinda Walsh is involved. And she cares a lot about Noah. So even if I hadn’t immediately thought of you to handle this, it wouldn’t matter because she’s already been on my case to get the best care possible.”

Marcus sighed regretfully. “Bob, I haven’t taken on a patient in years.”

“I know.”

“I’m technically retired from actually therapy. I’m the administrator for the psychiatric department, not an active therapist.”

“I know that too.”

“I don’t even know if my license is still intact. It might be some crumbling, faded-yellow document in a museum by now-”

“Marcus.” Bob couldn’t kid around anymore. “Please. I really think you could help Noah, if he’ll let you. He deserves the best.”

“Which apparently means me, God help us all.” Marcus responded with a warm smile and a nod, having given in the moment he set foot in the office. “Okay then. When do you want me to start?”

“Probably ten years ago. But as soon as you can would be best. It’s not going to be an easy case,” Bob had to warn him. “The only family this kid has known is the psychopath who did this to him. He’s not an outwardly emotional or talkative person even on a good day. He’s got walls built up higher than the pyramids. And he doesn’t even know I’m recommending a therapist for him. Granted, I don’t think he’s actually held a coherent conversation yet, but as soon as he can I want you in there with him.”

“Well, any friend of Bob Hughes is a friend of mine,” Marcus stood, still holding Noah’s file. “I’m keeping this, by the way. And you do still owe me a steak dinner.”

Bob stood with him, coming around his desk to shake his friend’s hand. “You help Noah and the Snyders, and I’ll cook the steak myself.”

“Cook? God help us all,” Marcus said again as he left.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Noah gasped and shuddered, terrified, as Alan came closer to him. He tried to back away, but there was nowhere for him to go. He tried to pull frantically on the chains, but already there were hands on his upper arms, his shoulders, holding him still. “No,” he pleaded, eyes closing, wondering idly where the gag had gone.

“Noah?”

He didn’t want to hear his name coming from that man. “No,” he said again, trying to break out of the grip holding him down.

“Noah, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

No, it wasn’t okay. And Noah had no concept of what safe was anymore. He thought there might have been someone, from before, that Noah knew was safe. Felt safe to him, felt like home. He just couldn’t remember who. A hand moved up from his shoulder to his face, so Noah tossed his head to the side, wanting desperately to get free. “Don’t. Please, don’t.”

There was a choking sound. Was Alan sick? Noah didn’t dare open his eyes, but he felt some satisfaction at that idea. Good, served the bastard right. Now if only he’d let go. Noah tried to pull away again. There was someone he needed to find, someone he had to get to. “Noah, it’s okay. It’s just a dream. I’m here.”

The hand was back on his face. Just a dream? Noah trembled, waiting for the other shoe to drop. No way, he wasn’t going to fall for anything. “Stop,” he tried to protest when he felt his upper body get lifted slightly forward. “No,” he was nearly sobbing as arms wrapped around him in a tight hug. He struggled weakly, but the arms wouldn’t let go.

“It’s okay baby, it’s just me.” Noah started to realize this wasn’t Alan’s voice. Who…? “It’s just me.” Who would call him ‘baby?’ He’d never had a nickname before in his life. The closest his father ever got was calling him ‘son,’ and that always sounded more like a curse than a nickname. And who was ‘me?’ Then gradually the voice and the arms around him started to feel familiar, breaking through the fog of Noah’s consciousness. He knew that voice. “Wake up Noah, come on.”

The voice sounded warm, loving, inviting. It made Noah think of mistletoe, neckties with Windsor knots, Rocky Road banana splits. Behind closed eyes, he saw a farm, a pond, a bedroom filled with pictures of people- friends and families.

Slowly, Noah relaxed into the embrace. A hand carefully ran up and down his back in soothing motions. And then Noah could picture him, his brown eyes, his infectious smile, his striped shirts and ever-changing hair styles. Luke.

The fog seeped away. “Luke?” he echoed out loud, hesitating on the name. His throat protested the word, as though he hadn’t spoken in years. Part of him wondered if that might actually be true. Where was he? What day was it?

He heard a relieved sigh, and then suddenly it all came flooding back to him, everything that had happened. Everything. Noah sucked in a harsh breath, leaning heavily into Luke, turning his head so his face burrowed into Luke’s neck, hiding. Maybe he could hide right here for the rest of his life…

The hand not already on his back came up to his hair, cradling the back of his head. “It’s okay now. I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” Luke whispered in his ear. Noah nodded, not trusting himself to speak or open his eyes. They stayed that way for awhile, Luke continuing to whisper to him, rocking him gently.

Noah wasn’t sure how long it lasted, but it wasn’t long enough in his opinion. Luke eased him back to the pillows on the hospital bed after a few more minutes, though never breaking contact with his boyfriend. He gingerly re-arranged the blanket around him. “Careful,” he cautioned as Noah shifted restlessly. “You’re pretty banged up, Mayer. You’re going to have to take it easy for awhile, okay?” he brushed Noah’s hair back away from his face- always one of his favorite things to do- careful not to touch any of the bruises.

Finally, Noah opened his eyes, very slowly and very carefully. His lashes were almost stuck together, and it took him a second to realize they were wet. As were his cheeks, and the collar of Luke’s shirt. He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying. Before the embarrassment could really sink in, Luke’s thumb came up to wipe away some of the tears.

Noah then looked up at Luke, shocked to see tears on his face as well. He tried to settle back in the bed more comfortably, finally noticing one of his hands was attached to an I.V. stand. It was like being tethered to the hospital room, and Noah didn’t like it.

“When can I get out of here?” Noah asked, half-whispering.

His voice was so raspy and labored. Luke managed not to react to the sound, reminding himself to be happy Noah was speaking at all. He shook his head in mock-exasperation. “Probably not as soon as you’d like,” he teased gently. “Last time we talked to the doctors, they said it’d be a few more days before they’d likely let us take you home.”

Noah frowned. “Us?”

Luke almost sighed again. “Of course, dummy. Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandmother, Faith and Nat, are all waiting outside. And Casey, and Alison and Jade. Aunt Meg has Ethan, they’ve called like seventeen times, and Dusty and Henry have stopped by- Dusty twice. Jack was here for awhile, he had to go back to work, but he said he and Janet would check in again later. And that’s just today.”

“Today?” Noah was trying very hard to follow the conversation. Keeping up with all of Luke’s words could be a challenge on a good day, and Noah was nowhere near fighting form at the moment.

Luke’s expression was somewhere between a smirk and a gentle smile. “You’ve been in the hospital for three days. But don’t worry, the Snyders have been rallying with round-the-clock surveillance and care. We had to install a velvet rope and a bouncer to keep everyone in line.”

Noah’s eyes drifted downwards, and he bit his lip, trying to process all of this. Luke gave him the time, knowing that Noah didn’t always understand he had a family behind him one hundred percent. Another tear slid down Noah’s cheek, and when he went to brush it away, Luke reached out and captured the hand. “Hey. It’s okay. They care about you, they just want to be here and make sure you’re alright. There’s nothing wrong with that, and you don’t have to be ashamed of wanting it.”

Noah looked up again, surprised. He hadn’t realized he was so transparent. Luke laughed gently, holding Noah’s face in both hands and kissing the top of his head. “You shouldn’t be so surprised that you’re so easy to love.”

His head was shaking before he even realized it. All he could think about were the things his father had said to him and about him. And everything that had been done to him. “You don’t-”

“I’m not lying,” Luke’s voice was firm. “Whatever he said to you, he was wrong.” Noah still looked uncertain, so Luke settled down closer to him on the bed, sitting next to Noah’s hip. He leaned forward as he did so, and Noah couldn’t help but tense up at the feeling of someone caging him in. Luke noticed and subtly backed off a bit.

“Look, Noah, I know whatever happened out there was horrible, and I can’t imagine what you went through. And you don’t have to talk about it yet if you’re not ready. But I…” he trailed off, then gathered himself and continued. “I have to say, these last few days have been the hardest of my life. I’ve never been more scared, wondering where you were, what was happening to you. All I could tell myself was that if I ever saw you again, I would tell you how much… God, how much I love you. And how I can’t imagine not having you in my life- now, ten years from now, fifty years from now. I don’t want to be apart from you; it sucks and I hate it and the thought of you being hurt and… gone…” he leaned down until his forehead was touching Noah’s, and this time Noah didn’t tense up. “It kills me. I love you so much, Noah. And I’m so sorry that this happened to you.”

Noah was pretty sure he was close to crying again. He reached out and pulled Luke into a bone-jarring hug, not caring that it knocked into dozens of bruises and cuts on his body. Right now he’d take feeling pain if it meant he could feel Luke too.

The hug at last broke when the door opened quietly. A nurse, not Alison, slipped in, smiling at the couple. “I just need to check a few things.” She made some notes on Noah’s chart, glancing at monitors and the I.V. “How’s the pain, Noah?”

“He’s going to say it’s fine,” Luke answered for him, trying to give Noah’s throat a rest. “But he’s lying.” Noah tried to glare at Luke but failed miserably.

The nurse smiled. “Well, the doctor still wants you to get some more sleep so your body can recover. Right now I’m going to put some painkillers in your I.V. line, okay? It’ll probably knock you out for a few hours.” It was obvious Noah wanted to protest, but he forced himself to nod the okay. Both boys watched her inject the meds into the line, then waited to speak once the nurse left them alone again.

Luke could see hints of fear in Noah’s expression. “What’s wrong?”

Noah shook his head. “Not so sure I want to sleep right now…”

“Noah, you need the rest. The more you sleep, the better chance you have of getting out of here soon. Why wouldn’t you want to do that?”

Noah was looking up at him, face earnest and worried. “Bad dreams,” he admitted reluctantly, blinking hard.

Luke couldn’t keep his tears in any longer either. Very slowly, very gently, he maneuvered his body fully on to the bed next to Noah. It was cramped and narrow, but Noah didn’t seem to mind, and Luke definitely didn’t either. They worked together to carefully slide Noah over to the side a little, sitting him up a bit so Luke could scoot in behind him. “Easy, there you go, easy,” he whispered as Noah then leaned back again, settling half against the bed and half against Luke’s chest.

Without thinking Luke wrapped his arms around Noah’s middle, holding him close. Both of them were surprised when Noah flinched at the touch, and they both knew it wasn’t from physical pain. Luke’s face immediately melted into worry and guilt while Noah’s fell with embarrassment. “Sorry,” he murmured, about to shift away.

“No, no. Don’t be sorry,” Luke risked keeping his arms where they were, so Noah had no choice but to stay close next to him. “It’s just going to take some time, that’s all. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I still hate it,” Noah admitted. He let his head fall back so it rested against Luke’s shoulder, the meds starting to get to him.

“Yeah, me too. But it’ll get better.” Luke smiled encouragingly when Noah turned to look up at him, unsure. “It’s not going to be easy, but it’ll happen. And I’ll be with you whenever you need me.”

“Yeah?” Noah was starting to relax against Luke, feeling himself tiring out, his body pulling him back into sleep.

“I promise,” he answered. Seeing Noah’s eyelids drop a little, he started to shift his body on the bed so he could reach the remote to tilt the top half of the bed back.

Noah must have thought he was leaving, because his eyes flew open, panicking, and he grabbed at Luke’s arms. “No, don’t-”

Luke brought one hand up to Noah’s face, turning him back to face him again. “Hey, hey it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.” He kept Noah’s eyes locked on his, reaching out to press the remote. Once the bed was tilted down enough, he immediately put his arms back around Noah, one hand coming to rest on his chest, directly over his heart. “Go to sleep now.”

Noah’s head was on his shoulder again, his back against Luke’s chest. He leaned down a little further to look into Noah’s eyes, wondering if he should say something else encouraging before Noah started dreaming again.

But Noah’s eyes were closed, his breathing slowly evened out. Luke took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He rested his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder and tilted his head to the side so it touched Noah’s. “You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay…” Luke whispered over and over, offering it up as a prayer. He just wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince, Noah or himself.

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Alan makes another appearance, Noah and Marcus meet, Jack tells Luke and Holden some bad news...

Chapter 9: Nine

Summary:

Alan makes another appearance, Noah and Marcus meet, Jack tells Luke and Holden some bad news.

Instinctively, before he even opened his eyes, he knew he was in a hospital. At the moment he wasn’t sure why, or how long he’d been there, but there was no mistaking that sterile, chemical smell. Or the beeping of monitors and machines around him. Damn it, what had he gotten himself into this time?

He cracked his eyes open warily, and was more than a little relieved to find himself alone in the room. Pretty nondescript hospital room, from what he could tell. Nothing out the window gave him any indication of where he was. Oakdale maybe? It made the most sense. After he was done assessing his surroundings, it was time to assess himself. His side hurt like hell, and he had to wonder if it was broken ribs or something else.

The bandages around his midsection told him it was something else. He gave the wound an experimental touch and nearly yelled out loud at the pain that radiated from it. But the pain also made him focus, and suddenly all the memories of the past few days came rushing back to him. The kidnapping, the cabin, the basement… Alan smirked to himself at the thought of the basement. God, if only he’d had one more day.

No, he couldn’t dwell on that right now. There were obviously more pressing issues, namely the shadowy figure standing right outside of his door. If he was under guard that meant he was in a regular civilian hospital, and they’d be taking him to lockup as soon as he was discharged. He needed to find a way out of here before then.

He wondered briefly where the Colonel and Tim were, but dismissed them just as quickly. Either they were dead, arrested, or gone. Whatever the case, they weren’t here. Alan was on his own. Another glance out the window told him he was on at least the fourth floor. That meant no escape that way. He’d have to find-

Footsteps and voices outside the door alerted Alan, and in that split second he went with his gut (so to speak), laying back on the bed and closing his eyes. Better for people to think he was weaker than he actually was. Underestimate him. It was the easiest way to gain an advantage. He kept himself perfectly still as the door opened and footfalls- 3 sets, he could tell- came closer.

“He should be coming off the sedative soon, Doctor Hughes,” a deep voice said in warning. “Do you want to keep him doped up?”

“Yes,” another man’s voice answered. He sounded older, very gentle and folksy. Like a cross between Andy Griffith and a Muppet. “Yes, for as long as possible. It might be a few more days, Dallas, before we can release him to you.”

“That’s fine,” a third mad replied. His voice was younger, confident. “We’ve got a nice, depressing cell waiting for him at the station. Then the Feds will transfer him to a Maximum Security prison somewhere out-of-state.”

A nurse, a doctor, and a cop, Alan told himself, refraining from adding 'walk into a bar...' in his head. Now was not the time. He refused to react to the cop’s words, though the idea of a stint in maximum security sent a shot of fear through him that momentarily overrode the pain in his side.

“Out of state?” the second voice- the doctor- questioned curiously.

“We might be pulling some strings there,” the cop admitted. “All four men are going to separate max securities, but we want this guy as far away from Noah as possible.”

Alan almost- almost- reacted to the name. So, the cop (and maybe the doctor) knew Noah? And they had found him, obviously. And he was alive, wherever he was. Alan was half-tempted to blow his cover and ask how Noah was, but wisened up at the last second. Not yet.

“How long you standing guard today, Dallas?” the first voice asked.

“Just till six. Then it’s back to the station till midnight.” Six hour shifts. Changing of the guard at the top and bottom of the clock. Alan filed that info away. This fake-sedation was paying off nicely. “So how’s Noah doing, Doc?” the cop asked. For a second Alan stopped breathing, held his breath so he wouldn’t dare miss the answer.

“Better,” the doctor seemed a little cautious in saying. “I was going to talk to him today about being released day after tomorrow, maybe the next if he’s up for it. He’s been managing to walk around a little, with Luke’s help of course.”

“Of course,” Dallas echoed, and Alan could hear the smile in his words. But Alan was too keyed up to really register that. Noah was here. The kid was here in the same hospital. Damn. Maybe he was tempting fate here, but he couldn’t help it. His original plans for escape flew out the proverbial window, and new ideas started to form.

The male nurse and Dallas continued talking as the doctor left, and Alan was grateful for that. It meant the nurse was distracted enough not to notice that his patient was pinching the IV tube where it rested under his hand. So any sedative they administered was useless…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Noah shifted on the bed with a restless groan, aimlessly flipping through the four static-plagued channels the TV offered. Nothing on the stations had changed in the last two minutes since he had turned the TV on, and Noah found that to be unreasonably unfair. He had always had the innate ability to tell if he was going to like something within two minutes of watching it (it took him two minutes to fall in love with Luke), and nothing he had seen on TV in the last day and a half had managed to capture his attention.

Now that he was spending more and more time awake, he was growing more and more impatient to leave. He hated being on this bed, with the door right here for anyone to walk in or out of (except him). He felt like he was on display for everyone to see, a mummy in a museum. He didn’t like so many people looking at him, touching him, when he was… like this. Why did they have to keep looking at him like that? As if they could fix him?

He shifted in the bed again, wincing at the pull of sore muscles. Doctor Hughes and Doctor Stewart had insisted he start exercising and walking around to get his strength back. Noah had to admit, it had felt good to get out of bed. But the only thing that bothered him more than being in this bed was getting out of the room. Too many people, too much noise, and Noah couldn’t concentrate on protecting himself. There were too many ways he was left vulnerable. Honestly, if it weren’t for Luke wrapping an arm around his waist and walking alongside him, he probably would have run straight back into the room and locked the door.

Luke was the thing that kept him sane. Kept him safe. The other Snyders tried, and Noah appreciated and loved them for trying, but they could only do so much. Luke was the only one who knew how to chase his panic away. Luke still refused to leave at night, still slept on the cot next to his bed.

Noah could not be more ashamed and more grateful for that. He could handle being alone during the day- he was alone right now- but at night with the dim lights and muted sounds, Luke was there ready and able to convince him he wasn’t still locked up in the basement.

A knock startled him out of his thoughts. He waited, but the door didn’t open. That confused him. No one knocked and waited for his permission to enter. The doctors and nurses just barged in like they owned the place (which, okay, was pretty close to the truth). The Snyders and his other visitors always knocked, but it was more of a signal that they were coming in instead of a request. In his head, Noah actually refused to refer to it as ‘his’ room, because how could it be his if he had no control over it?

Another knock. He was almost tempted to exercise his right to refuse entry, but that seemed rude. What if it was Emma? “Come in?” he called out tentatively, still getting used to using his vocal chords at such a volume.

Noah didn’t recognize the man who entered, and that immediately put him on edge. Though he did remind Noah a little of an older Tom Hughes, and a lot of Rex Harrison. Idly, he tried to remember the last time he had watched the original Dr. Dolittle movie. A long time, he guessed. Then he realized the man was speaking. Noah shook his head to clear it and looked at the stranger questioningly.

“I was just making sure you are in fact Noah Mayer,” the man said, his voice low and pleasant. It was a nice voice. It helped Noah feel safe enough to nod in return, though he was still suspicious. His name was on every chart in this room and the door outside. Who was this guy? The man smiled calmly. “I’m Dr. Weston. And I do already know your name, but I felt like making a proper introduction. Just because I know your name doesn’t mean I know you, get what I’m saying?”

Noah stared at him incredulously, wondering if Dr. Bob had stuck him on some new hallucinogenic drug. The man- Dr. Weston- pulled up a chair to Noah’s bed, but still sat well outside the range of Noah’s personal space, which he grudgingly appreciated.

“Okay. Well, Noah, Dr. Hughes asked me to consult on your case; I’m a sort of… recovery specialist. I’m not here to do anything today, I just wanted a chance to meet you and for you to meet me before we work together.”

Noah nodded hesitantly. This guy was like no other doctor he had ever met before, and it made him nervous. How did he know this guy was for real, wasn’t…? “Where’s Dr. Hughes?” he asked quietly, his fingers slowly moving to the call button by the bed.

Dr. Weston noticed the movement but didn’t react. “He’s out to lunch with Kim right now. Though, as you know, Bob has been ‘out to lunch’ for most of his life.” He smiled a little wider, genuinely, and Noah cautiously brought his hand back away from the call button. Dr. Weston grew serious then. “Noah. I’m not going to tell you to trust me, because that would be stupid, but-”

“You’re a shrink,” Noah realized, his slight panic at that outweighing his embarrassment for interrupting. Of course he was a shrink. His tone, his understanding smile, his casual clothing. A ‘recovery specialist?’

Dr. Weston looked started for a second before smiling again. “Yes, I am.” He watched, impressed in spite of himself, as Noah folded inwards, almost seeming to shrink into the bed and pull away from him without ever actually moving.

“Please go,” Noah requested quietly. He was done talking. This was not what he wanted. He didn’t know this man, couldn’t trust him. No matter how much he looked like Professor Higgins.

Dr. Weston wasn’t about to give up yet. “Noah, I’d like for you to come see me sometime soon. My office is right downst-”

“Go. Please.” Noah didn’t care that he interrupted the man this time. His hand, now shaking, started to reach again for the call button.

Dr. Weston nodded, understanding that he couldn’t push it now. He stood carefully, backing away to the door. “I’m sorry to upset you, but I really think I can help you, Noah. And I think you know you need the help.” But Noah was done talking, now staring at a TV screen that had more static than picture on it.

Marcus wondered if there was something symbolic in that as he left, closing the door behind him. “Well,” he said, turning to greet the half a dozen pairs of eyes staring at him, “that went about as well as I expected it to.”

Luke’s angry gaze was the first to grab his attention. “I really wish you had told me first, instead of ambushing him like that,” the young man accused.

“Luke,” Lily rebuked half-heartedly. Marcus got the feeling he was witnessing a discussion that had been going on since he introduced himself to the Snyders fifteen minutes ago.

Luke didn’t look away from Dr. Weston. “I could have talked to him about it first, prepared him a little. He trusts me, he doesn’t-”

“Luke,” Dr. Weston gently interrupted. “You and I can’t make these decisions for Noah, as much as we’d like to. It has to be between me and him. He has to have complete control.”

Luke’s conviction weakened a little at that. “But-”

“Think about it, son,” Marcus continued. “Last week Noah lost control of everything in his life. But he didn’t just lose it, it was all taken from him forcibly.” He waited for Luke to nod in understanding before speaking again. “Now, my job is going to be to help Noah get that power back. To do that, it has to be just him and me.” He smiled then, trying to soften the blow. “You’re helping him so much, and doing a great job of it. Now it’s my turn. The best thing you can do for him is to let me do my job, my way.”

Luke studied him seriously for a moment. Marcus met the stare calmly, suddenly feeling like he was getting a dressing-down from Lucinda Walsh. This was her grandson after all, though the woman herself stood just behind him. Dear God, what was he getting himself into with this family?

He knew he liked Noah, had felt it the moment he sat down and met Noah’s gaze and could see the young man trapped inside. But, really, did it have to involve Oakdale’s most… present family? There seemed to be Snyders everywhere he turned! But he had to admit he was glad too. It meant Noah had a great support system, something he would definitely need.

Luke nodded to himself, and Marcus wondered if he had passed whatever test he had just taken. “I’m going to go sit with him,” the boy told his parents, holding up the large bag he had in his hands. “Casey dropped off his DVD player, so…”

“Go ahead,” Holden nodded, couldn’t help but smile at his son’s protective streak. It couldn’t be genetic, because Luke definitely got it from him.

Once Luke disappeared into Noah’s room, Marcus followed the rest of them back to the waiting room. “Well?” Lucinda’s voice was made to carry across the Grand Canyon, but Marcus was struck by the note of worry, of softness, he heard in that one word. He was a little surprised by it. Obviously, Lucinda wasn’t just indulging her grandson, her grandson’s boyfriend. She genuinely cared about this kid. And if Lucinda Walsh was in Noah’s corner, then Marcus had to take the job.

He put on his professional face, turning his attention back to the matter at hand. He reminded himself that therapists don’t sigh in public. “It’s not going to be easy. Bob was right when he said Noah has built up some walls…” the affectionately sad smiles from the adults told him they agreed, probably knew from experience.

He was feeling even more curious, more compelled to get involved because of it. “But he does need help. He’s very anxious, uncomfortable in his own skin. I don’t…” How much did these people know about Noah’s full condition? “I don’t think he’s fully acknowledging everything that happened to him. When he does, it won’t be pretty. The longer he puts it off, the worse it will be.”

“You don’t think he’d… hurt himself, do you?” Lily ventured. The other older woman with them, he remembered her name was Emma, took a deep shuddering breath at the thought.

Marcus shook his head. “From the short time I spent in there, no, I don’t see that happening. Not physically, at least.”

“Whoa- what does that mean?” The other woman burst out with before she could stop herself. Her name was Janet, she was married to Holden’s cousin, who was a cop. Marcus decided he was going to have to make a chart to remember all these people.

“He’s cutting himself off,” he explained. “Or he will. Shut down. Find some way to escape everything.”

“He’ll run away,” Holden murmured. Marcus stored that comment away in his brain for later thought, especially considering the fact that Lily and Lucinda nodded knowingly in agreement.

“Well Marcus, I assume this means you’re stepping up as Noah’s doctor?” Lucinda asked him, watching him with that laser focus and steely determination.

Marcus could remember a time when he had actually been afraid of this woman. “Lucinda, if you even have to ask…” She smirked at him before turning to the rest of the family, her face melting into a real smile then.

“When will you start?” Lily pressed on, clasping Holden’s hand in relief.

Marcus looked around reassuringly at all of them. “Twenty-five minutes ago.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

A few hours later, Luke was telling himself not to panic. Just because Noah hadn’t been in his room when Luke and Holden had come back from getting lunch, just because none of the doctors or nurses or Snyders had seen him leave, just because there was no trace of him anywhere in the hospital… that was not cause to panic.

If Alison’s suggestion of checking the roof didn’t work, then he would panic. This, what he was feeling right now, this was not panic. This was merely… elevated emotional anxiety. Not panic. He burst through the final door onto the rooftop. “Noah?!” Okay, maybe a little panic.

“Hey.” Noah was there. Noah was there, sitting on the edge of the roof but facing in towards the hospital. He looked at Luke, that scary-blank expression he’d had since being rescued still in place. Luke hated that expression.

“Oh, Jesus,” Luke took a second to catch his breath, the immediate relief nearly knocking him off his feet. “Noah…” He crossed over to his boyfriend in 2.2 seconds, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste. Forgetting to be gentle, he grabbed Noah and pulled him into a fierce hug.

Noah stiffened initially, but gradually relaxed into the embrace, his own arms coming up to wrap around Luke’s waist tentatively. “Luke?”

Luke wasn’t necessarily ready to let go, but he knew Noah probably wasn’t ready for one of their marathon hugs. He tried to ease off, but couldn’t completely. His hands came up to cradle either side of Noah’s face. It was still too pale, even more so in the natural light. Luke wondered how much rest Noah was actually getting. “You scared the crap out of me, babe. You weren’t in your room.”

Noah looked back at him confused for a moment before realization struck. “Sorry. Didn’t think I’d be gone that long.”

Luke nodded, tried to accept that, and told his heart and lungs that Noah was okay (relatively) and to calm the hell down. “What are you doing up here?” he asked softly.

Noah’s shoulders lifted just enough to constitute a shrug. “Wanted to be outside.” He hadn’t been outside in such a long time. He had just wanted to feel sunlight for awhile, take in real moving air, an actually breeze. It almost felt unreal, he’d been without it for so long. He sensed more than saw (when had he closed his eyes?) Luke nodding as he took a seat next to him on the ledge. Luke’s hand on his shoulder had him opening his eyes again, and he was semi-thrown by the look of understanding on Luke’s face.

“It’s been awhile, huh?” Luke’s voice was still quiet, and this time he was much more cautious as he put an arm around Noah and pulled him a little closer.

He nodded, telling himself it was okay, nobody was touching him in a way he didn’t want. This was Luke, for God’s sake. Noah had to prove to himself that nothing was wrong, so he laid his head down against Luke’s shoulder. It was a little awkward at first, but when he felt Luke kiss his hair, he breathed out a tiny sigh of relief. He could do this, he could try to be normal. “Sorry I made you freak out.”

Another light kiss. “Freak out? Me? No way, I was just… making sure you weren’t skipping out on the hospital bill.” Noah twitched for a second in what was probably supposed to be a chuckle, but remained quiet. He was still so quiet, and it worried Luke more than a little. And he was also a bit disturbed that Noah didn’t make any mention of the cost of his hospital stay or worry how he would pay for it.

Of course, Lucinda had already taken care of everything, but Noah didn’t know that. And he also didn’t ask. Luke found himself actually wishing they could have an argument about money right now, just to hear some life in Noah’s voice. “Just, next time you want to go for a walk, can you tell someone? No one will stop you, we just want to know where you are.”

Noah nodded again, eyes closing once more. He was breathing deeply and evenly, for probably the first time since he had woken up. Luke made a silent vow to bring him up here every time they went for a walk from now on until he was released.

Speaking of silence… “Have you thought any more about going to see Dr. Weston?” he asked cautiously. Since that unsuccessful first meeting early this morning, Luke had tried- and failed- to talk to Noah about going to therapy. He backed off soon enough, knowing it was something Noah would want to go over in his own head first. And Dr. Weston’s words to him after leaving Noah’s room had had a surprisingly strong effect- it would help Noah to decide for himself. Luke remembered his own experience with therapy and knew the doctor was right. Noah had to make these decisions on his own.

Noah shrugged again, and Luke told himself not to get frustrated. “Okay. Since I’m not sure if that means ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ I’m going to-”

“Do you remember the last time we were up here?” Wow. Not only was Noah speaking a complete sentence- subject and predicate and everything- but he was also interrupting. Luke was very surprised he hadn’t fallen off the damn building.

He took a breath, concentrating on the actual question. The last time they had been up here…? Oh. Crap. When Casey and Ali had locked them out so they had to talk to each other. Not one of his favorite memories ever. “Yeah, I remember,” he answered simply, letting Noah take the lead on this conversation. Hell, Noah could recite the Gettysburg Address right now and he’d take it as a victory.

“It was cold.”

Then again, if Noah was going to talk about the weather, maybe he would have to take the lead back. “It was January, love.”

The tiny movement against his shoulder might have been a nod. “I told you… told you we were both too messed up to be in a relationship together. That we needed to work on ourselves before we could…”

Okay. So. This is what panic feels like. “Noah, what are you trying to tell me?” He wanted to bring Noah’s face back up to his so they could look at each other, but with the way Noah avoided eye contact lately he knew that could only make the situation worse. So he simply held his breath, terrified.

“I’m more messed up than I’ve ever been, Luke. I c-can’t ask you to…” His voice was like sandpaper rubbing against Luke’s skin. It hurt, and he wondered if just listening to someone’s voice could make you bleed.

“You’re not asking me. I’m asking you. To try to get better, to believe you can get better. You, being with you, is what I want. No matter what.” Luke made sure his grip around Noah remained firm. “You’re not hurting me in any way, Noah Mayer. You’re stuck with me.”

“But…” Noah might have shaken his head, Luke wasn’t sure through the shaking his own body was doing. “What if this is it? What if this is me now?” Almost a whisper: “What if I can’t be good enough anymore?”

He wrapped both arms around his boyfriend now, his chin resting against the top of his dark head. He wanted to talk about that whole ‘good enough’ problem, but knew that was an issue probably best left to Dr. Weston. So he went with the first question instead. “Do you remember us on the porch at the farm, you telling me that my paralysis wasn’t a done deal? That I shouldn’t accept it as the way things had to be?” He didn’t wait for Noah to respond. “You were the one who convinced me to just try. And because of you and physical therapy-” he tried very hard not to stress the word therapy- “I did get better. And stronger for it. Now it’s your turn to let me convince you.”

Noah was silent for a few minutes, but Luke was encouraged by the fact that he was holding on to Luke as tightly as Luke was holding on to him. He should have known Noah was going to have this freakout. His mom had told him of Dr. Weston’s warning about Noah pulling away from everyone. But this was Noah; Noah was always throwing curve balls. Even with this episode, it almost felt like he was giving Luke the option to leave him because he thought he should, not because he wanted Luke to go.

But Noah still wasn’t responding, and Luke decided against pushing any further. “You don’t have to make any decisions right now, okay? No one on this roof is expecting anything from you.” Noah’s grip tightened just a fraction. Luke took that as his version of a laugh. And Luke would take whatever he could get right now. Whatever Noah could give.

“I do love you,” Noah’s voice just barely carried over the wind, just the tiniest bit insistent, proving Luke’s theory right.

“I know you do,” Luke whispered just as quietly. “I love you too.”

“I know.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Luke and Holden were just exiting Noah’s room when Jack hurried up to them, out of breath and concerned. “Janet said Noah was-”

“We found him,” Luke cut in, assuring him. He studied Jack curiously, wondering why he looked so freaked out.

Holden was wondering too. “It’s okay, Luke found him on the roof a few hours ago. He was just getting some fresh air; you can’t blame the guy, really.” Luke hid a smile- his dad sounded cool and collected now, but he had gone into a full on Papa Bear mode after they had discovered Noah’s empty bed.

Best of all, he had given Noah one of his patented Holden-Snyder-I’m-stern-because-I-care lectures when Luke had brought him back from the roof. The expression on Noah’s face had been the most Noah-like that Luke had seen since this nightmare started, another thing that gave him hope.

Jack’s next words brought Luke back to the present. “You can’t let him go wandering around on his own right now,” Jack told them forcefully.

Luke narrowed his eyes, getting a little defensive. Whatever Noah needed, Noah was going to get. “Why not? He needs to be up and walking, doctor’s orders. And I’m not going to let him be locked up in a room again.”

“Luke,” Jack sighed. “Just… just trust me. Please. Don’t let Noah go around the hospital by himself.”

The look in Jack’s eyes scared Holden a little, and he had to press the issue. “Come on Jack, you gotta give us a little more than that. What’s going on?”

Jack looked at both of them seriously for a moment before dragging them over to a more private corner of the hallway, still in view of Noah’s door. “Okay. I’m technically not allowed to tell you this, but… Alan Reddik? He’s here, being treated at this hospital.”

“What?” Luke’s voice came out as a whisper, but it still echoed for miles. “I thought he was dead.”

“Alan’s the one who…?” Holden had to ask. At both Jack and Luke’s somber nods, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then refocused on his cousin. “He’s here?”

Jack nodded again. “I’m sorry. I only just found out. Margo told me he had survived the shooting, but since I was pulled off that part of the case, I-”

“Why were you pulled off?” Holden interrupted, confused.

“It’s procedure,” Jack explained. “I was the one who shot Alan in the confrontation.” Holden and Luke looked shocked at that, but Jack waved away their reactions preemptively. “Internal Affairs cleared me, but I’m not allowed to work the case anymore.”

“You shot him?” Luke asked, voice going slightly high-pitched.

Jack tried to smile and failed spectacularly. “Yeah. Then I find out this morning he’s being treated here. And then Janet tells me Noah went missing from his room and…” he took a slow, calming breath. “I don’t know if you want to tell him or not, but I guess you two should be aware.”

“Can’t you have him taken somewhere else? Anywhere else? Siberia?” Luke was getting really tired of getting hysterical. He needed a damn vacation. Him and Noah, white sandy beaches, crystal-blue oceans, bathing suits optional. One tiny compartment of Luke’s brain that wasn’t dealing with this current crisis started to plan the trip.

“Not till the docs clear him, Luke. I tried, believe me. But we’ve got guys posted at his door at all times, okay? We’re taking care of it.”

“Can you put another guy outside Noah’s room?” Holden asked, his own eyes straying to the door, worried.

“No. They thought about it but decided not to.” Jack hated the fact that he kept bearing bad news to his family.

“Why the hell not?” Luke demanded. Holden put a hand on his shoulder, both in comfort and in warning for the language.

“Think about it Luke- do you think it’s really wise to put an armed man standing guard outside Noah’s room? You said it yourself, he’d feel trapped all over again. And on a tactical side, if Alan were to somehow escape and if he went looking for Noah, a cop standing outside the door would be a dead giveaway of his location.” Jack put his hand on Luke’s other shoulder briefly. “Trust me. We’re doing everything we can. And anyway, just two more days and Noah will be going home, right?”

“Right,” Luke answered, recognizing the logic behind Jack’s reasoning but feeling no where near satisfied.

“Have you talked to him about Emma’s suggestion?” Jack turned to Holden.

“What suggestion?” Luke looked back and forth between them.

“Mama wondered if Noah might want to move to the farm when he’s released from the hospital. Just for a little while, while he’s recuperating,” Holden told his son. Luke raised his eyebrows but didn’t immediately balk at the idea, so Holden continued. “It’ll be nice and quiet there, lots of open space and not a lot of people. She already made up his old room for him, just in case.”

Luke was silent for a long moment, chewing on his bottom lip. Noah move to the farm? “You… just decided all this? Without talking to me?”

Smiling, Holden tried to put Luke at ease. “No one has decided anything. Mama had the idea this morning. I was going to talk to both of you about it, but then Noah wasn’t in his room and we were running around and… It’ll be up to Noah, of course.”

“With Meg and Eliza staying at Paul’s, it’s just Emma, Janet, and me at the house,” Jack spoke up. “I can’t guarantee that Emma and Janet won’t try to mother the hell out of him, but maybe that’s what he needs. And he won’t feel crowded if he needs a break, you know?”

Luke nodded, still mulling it over, and Holden couldn’t hold back his grin any longer. Sometimes his son was so transparent. “Mama set up your old room too, Luke. You didn’t think we’d be stupid enough to separate you two, did you?”

Luke let out the breath he’d unconsciously been holding. “For a second, yeah. I did,” he grumbled sheepishly. Now that he thought about it rationally, he realized the two of them at the farm was a perfect idea; it was the place Noah always ended up after a fiasco with the Colonel. Okay, score one for Grandma Emma.

“I should probably be the one to talk to him about it,” he mused out loud. Holden and Jack nodded their agreement, following him back down the hallway to Noah’s room. Luke couldn’t help but glance around suspiciously as they approached the door. Alan was here somewhere. Too close.

The three Snyders paused in the doorway, looking in. Noah was asleep, face turned towards the TV that was about halfway through playing some old black-and-white movie. Luke vaguely remembered watching it with Noah before- what was it called? Animal Crackers or something like that? It was also one of Noah’s self-proclaimed “chicken soup films,” one he would watch when he really needed the comfort.

“Why don’t we got out to Al’s and get some dinner? Let him sleep,” Holden suggested quietly. God knows Noah needed the rest. Luke had told him about Noah waking up frequently during the night, as though he couldn’t let himself fully relax. As though he’d fall asleep and wake up back in that damn cabin. Holden shook his head, then realized Luke was doing the same.

“I can’t leave the hospital right now. Not after…” Luke nodded his head towards Jack.

Jack took a step forward, tried to look reassuring. “Luke-”

“No, I know. I know he’s under guard wherever he is and Noah’s safe, but… I can’t go just yet. If we went to Al’s I’d be too freaked out to eat anyway.”

“Okay, we can compromise,” Holden held up a hand. “How about a trip down to the cafeteria? Stale pizza, bad coffee, that sound good?”

“Yes. Great,” Luke answered enthusiastically, not caring if they teased him. As long as he got his way. One more glance at his sleeping boyfriend, and they headed down the hallway. Just two more days…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

It was now or never. Almost 6pm. He was being released any day now, he just wasn’t sure exactly when. It wasn’t like he could ask. In the last thirty-six hours since he had woken up, every time a nurse or doc entered to sedate him again he pretended to be asleep, pinching the IV tube under the cover of his blanket so the staff would never know. Just before they were due back, he’d remove his IV, drain out the fluids so it looked like the sedative was used up, then reattach the tubing. It paid to be a former Army medic, that was for damn sure.

He was off the heart monitors and any other machine that checked his status. All he had to do was take out the IV and he’d be ready to go. It was now or never. 6pm- the guard shift change was taking place.

Alan eased his way out of the bed, testing his muscle strength. He had been working them up to a steady condition in the dead of every night, determined to be in good physical form in case his escape got… a little out of hand. He snuck over to the door and peered out through the blinds at the small window. The two cops were talking, chatting lightly, until one finally walked off, leaving a young dark-skinned man behind. Alan wondered if one of the two of them was the Dallas that had been in his room when he woke up. Not that it mattered.

He shifted lightly on the balls of his feet, waiting. Sure enough, the door opened inward slowly as the cop came in to check on the prisoner. Alan waited for the guy to flip on the light switch before making his move. He slammed the door shut with his arm and grabbed the cop from behind, incapacitating him. The cop reacted quickly, throwing his head back and cracking Alan on the bridge of his nose.

Alan had been expecting the move, however, and ducked away in enough time to avoid a broken nose. He grabbed the cop by his neck and slammed his head down roughly on the edge of the bed, making sure to connect with the metal framing. The cop was out instantly, and Alan caught his falling body before it could hit the ground and make any noise.

Patting him down, he found the concealed gun easily, checked to make sure it was fully loaded, and slid it into the waistband of the pants he had changed into about an hour ago. His personal effects had been left in the closet of his room, and while his shirt was beyond repair, his jeans had been fine. He dragged the body of the cop over to the bathroom and stripped him of his baggy outer-shirt before locking him in. He had no idea if the cop was even alive or not, but he wasn’t taking any chances. And thankfully, the shirt fit him.

A moment later, Alan was walking confidently out of his own darkened hospital room. So far, so good…

* * * * * * * * *

Noah awoke with a start, and he wasn’t sure why. The last thing he remembered was turning on Casey’s DVD player to watch Animal Crackers. Not his favorite Marx Brothers movie- you just can’t top Duck Soup- but this one did have that brilliant Harpo ending with the silverware that always used to make him laugh.

Now the screen was dark with the DVD logo bouncing around slowly, and Noah had to admit he was disappointed. Part of him had put this particular movie on just to see if it would get him laughing; he wasn’t sure if he was capable of that anymore. And now he’d missed the opportunity.

He wondered what time it was and where Luke was, but he just couldn’t get himself to turn his head and look at the clock or the rest of the room. It would take so much energy to move, and Noah wasn’t sure how much energy he had left. To do anything. Putting up a semi-brave face for the doctors and the Snyders was slowly draining him.

The appearance of that shrink this morning might have been the straw to break the emotionally-crippled camel’s back. It was like the Perfect Storm- not a question of if but a question of when. Noah was this close to a complete internal explosion, and he really hoped when it happened that he didn’t accidentally take out any innocent bystanders with flying debris. Please God, just don’t let Luke get hurt by it.

He still wasn’t sure what had woken him up this time. Then he felt a hand on his wrist, slowly sliding up his arm. “Luke?” He blinked heavily, still half-asleep, and finally managed to turn his body so he was on his back and facing upwards. And that’s when he saw the figure standing over him.

Alan.

He bolted upright, trying to get anywhere but here, but an arm slammed into his chest and forcefully pushed him down until he was flat on his back again. Noah opened his mouth to scream- and it definitely would have been a scream- but the living, breathing nightmare slapped a large hand over his mouth, effectively silencing him. He still tried to struggle, tried to yell, but was suddenly frozen into silence when Alan leaned over him, getting in his face. Getting too close.

“Noah… Did you think I was finished with you?”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: A stand-off at the hospital, Luke tries to stop a bad situation from getting worse, Noah admits he needs help...

Chapter 10: Ten

Summary:

A stand-off at the hospital, Luke tries to stop a bad situation from getting worse, Noah admits he needs help.

The kid was frozen. Terrified. And Alan savored it; he was in control. Noah’s insatiably-blue eyes were wide and unblinking, and his breathing (through his nose, since Alan’s hand was still covering his mouth) was shallow and choking. He wasn’t struggling anymore, probably wondering if this was a dream or not. And if Alan could keep him weak with his fear, Noah wouldn’t pose much of a physical threat either. So he continued to talk.

“Did you think it was over, Noah?” he hissed, his free hand reaching for the nurse’s kit in the top drawer of the bedside table. “That we were over?” He found what he was looking for- extra IV tubing. “Did you think you were finally safe?” Noah’s hands had instinctively come up to grasp at the arm that was holding him down, pulling and pushing feebly. It was more annoying than actually threatening, but Alan could do without it.

He removed his hand from Noah’s mouth, but even as Noah took a deep breath, about to yell out, Alan delivered a swift, hard hit to his jaw to stun him momentarily. By the time Noah recovered, Alan was finished tying off the tubing around his wrists, binding his hands together.

The feeling of being trapped again, alone in the dark with this… monster, left Noah shaking and weak. Suddenly he wasn’t sure where he was anymore. The whole rescue, going to the hospital, being with Luke again- had that just been a dream? “No…” he couldn’t get his voice to raise above a soft groan.

Just the way Alan wanted it. He put one hand over Noah’s mouth again to silence him, leaning over so his lips were right next to Noah’s ear. “You really thought you were safe, didn’t you?” He made his voice as low and menacing as possible. “Get it in your head, boy. You’ll never be safe so long as I’m alive. So long as I can get to you.” Noah’s whole body was trembling now, unshed tears making his eyes glassy. And he also wasn’t struggling anymore, as though he was paralyzed.

“Now, you remember how this went last time, don’t you?” Alan asked, more for show than anything else. He loomed over Noah, taking the time to look him up and down and resisting the urge to lick his lips. This time, Noah was all his. And he realized, as he snuck his free hand up under the hem of Noah’s t-shirt to feel the skin underneath, that this time he’d be able to finish what he started.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He should have been tipped off by the fact that all the blinds were closed. It had been a debate when Noah was first moved to this room- close all the blinds and give him as much privacy as possible, or keep the blinds open so Noah wouldn’t feel shut in. Noah himself had settled the matter when one day Luke returned after lunch to see one side window’s blinds tilted open. He never talked to Noah about it, and of course Noah didn’t say anything, but from then on one set of blinds was always left that way.

Except right now they were all shut, and if Luke had been paying more attention, instead of making mental notes for Noah’s move to the farm, he would have noticed. It wasn’t until he opened the door to Noah’s room that he realized something was wrong. It was almost completely dark except for the faint light coming in from the outside window.

Luke was surprised and a little wary, as Noah couldn’t really deal with total darkness right now. “Noah?” he called out softly as he flipped on the dimmer switch, casting a light glow into the room. What he saw made his heart nearly jump out of his chest.

A man was standing next to Noah’s bed. No, he was halfway on Noah’s bed. Halfway on Noah. He had a hand covering Noah’s mouth, but Luke could hear very soft, timid whimpers coming from the back of his boyfriend’s throat.

In the second that he had to take it all in, Luke just barely registered the fact that Noah’s hands seemed to be tied together and that the t-shirt he had been wearing was ripped jaggedly at the neckline. That there was a dark bruise on his jaw, and his eyes were glazed over and terrified. But the thing that caused Luke to act was seeing Alan (this had to be Alan) with his hand pulling at the drawstring of Noah’s hospital-scrub pants.

“No!” Luke ran forward without thinking, his only thought being to get this bastard away from Noah. Alan let go, startled, and Luke lunged into him with all his might, shoving him away from the bed, knocking Alan to the floor. He leaned over him, punching with everything he had. “Don’t you dare touch him again!”

Alan recovered too quickly, however, and before Luke knew what had happened, he was being slammed up against the far wall, a large hand wrapped around his throat. And suddenly, Luke was face-to-face with the man who had wreaked so much havoc on their lives. It was like the moment in Jaws when they finally saw the shark. (Wow, he was hanging out with Noah too much. Thinking of a movie at a time like this?!)

The guy smirked at him. “So. You must be Luke?”

Luke fought, kicking and struggling like a wild animal. But Alan’s grip on his throat tightened, and Luke was starting to struggle for air. No! He couldn’t. He had to fight. He had to protect himself, he had to protect Noah. “Don’t… touch him,” he gasped. Alan pulled Luke forward just a bit so that he could slam the younger man against the wall again. Hard. Luke was sure he would see little cartoon birds flying around his head any minute now.

And Alan was still smiling. “Little late for that, kid. But,” and his hand closed in even more. Luke knew he had to be turning purple by this point. “I want you to know, as soon as you pass out, I’m going back to your boyfriend. And when I’m finished with him, I’m leaving and taking him with me. By the time anyone finds you here, he’ll be gone.” A calculated, oh-so-casual shrug. “Maybe he already is.”

Luke meant to yell, to scream out curses and threats and a hundred insults about Alan’s mother, but the only thing to come out of his mouth was one very faint choking sound. Oh God, he really was going to pass out. There was a roaring sound in his ears, like a train was passing by too close. His vision was going dark around the edges…

Click.

Both Alan and Luke froze at the sound. It was a very distinct sound, a sound both of them had been unfortunate enough to hear before. The sound of a gun’s safety being removed. Alan loosened his hold on Luke just a fraction as he turned towards the direction of the noise, reaching for his own gun as he did so. But his gun wasn’t tucked into his jeans anymore. It must have fallen out when Luke knocked him over. And now it was pointed at him.

“Noah…” Luke croaked out, trying to pull as much air into his lungs as Alan’s hand would allow.

Noah didn’t answer him. Didn’t even look at him. He was on his knees next to his bed, trembling, hands still tied together. But those hands held the gun Alan had stolen from the cop, and Alan himself was surprised at how expertly and confidently the kid was handling the weapon. “Let him go,” Noah’s voice was quiet, distant, and very serious.

The door burst open at that point, Jack and Holden standing in the doorway. Jack had his gun drawn immediately, and he almost pointed it at Noah until he realized who he was. Then he moved his own weapon in Alan’s direction. “Reddik. Step away, put your hands behind your head.”

Alan wasn’t even listening to him, solely focused on Noah. “What, you think you could actually-”

Everyone in the room flinched when Noah cocked the gun without any hesitation. Everyone but Noah. He kept his gaze calmly on Alan. “Let him go. Now.”

Alan eyed Noah for just a moment before releasing Luke. Luke slid to the floor, coughing harshly. It took everything in Holden not to run and grab his son, pull him out of this mess, but he held his ground. “Luke,” he called softly, holding out a hand and beckoning him over to the safety of the doorway.

But Luke was watching Noah, more than a little concerned. Instead of moving over to Holden and Jack, Luke crawled until he was a few feet from Noah, far enough away from Alan to be out of danger. “Noah,” he kept his voice calm, soothing. “I’m okay. Okay? It’s over.”

Noah was still staring at Alan, everything but his hands shaking. The gun was still pointed intently. “It’s not over,” was all he said.

Jack inched his way closer, scared that Noah might actually pull the trigger and make this whole situation that much worse. “Noah, put the gun down. Please.” Noah didn’t seem to hear him, so Jack turned back to Alan. “Reddik. On your stomach, hands behind your head.” Alan hesitated, about to say something else to Noah, when Jack cocked and re-aimed his own gun, trying to get his attention away from the boys. “Now!”

“Noah,” Luke was still talking, inching his way closer to his boyfriend. “Come on, baby, put the gun down. It’s okay. It’s over. You did it, you saved me, okay? Let Jack take him away. He’ll take him somewhere he can’t hurt us anymore. Understand?”

“Luke,” Holden called out again, this time with a little bit of warning. He knew Noah would never hurt Luke, but he wasn’t sure if Noah was even Noah right now. And he didn’t want Luke near any situation that involved a loaded weapon. He refused to look at the… the thing that was still captured in Noah’s sights. The thing that had tortured this boy, and had almost just killed his son. If Holden looked at him, thought about him, he’d be tempted to encourage Noah to pull the trigger.

Luke just shook his head at his dad, his own eyes never straying from Noah. “Put it down. Please, Noah. It’s over.”

“It’ll never be over,” Noah murmured, still so distant. He wasn’t even listening anymore. He was slipping away from Luke. From everything. The only thing he could be sure of was the weight of the gun in his hands, how if he squeezed his right hand just a third of an inch, he could put an end to this man. A part of Noah- the only part of him still functioning- really wanted to do it. To end everything. Otherwise Alan was right; it’ll never be over.

“It can be,” Luke replied, trying to keep the desperation out of his tone. He scooted the tiniest bit closer. “Look at me, Noah. Just look at me, not him. Come on.” Noah shook his head, but Luke could see him bite his lower lip, wincing slightly. His Noah was in there somewhere, hiding and scared. But to him, Alan was still a threat, and Noah was going to keep his guard up for as long as possible.

“It is over, Noah. Just put the gun down. You don’t want to do this. You don’t want to… hurt someone.” He couldn’t say kill. He couldn’t. “You’re not like him, and you’re not like your father. You’re better than all of them.” Did Noah just lower the gun a little?

Luke continued, talking faster. If Noah pulled that trigger, there’d be no coming back from that. “You’ve already done enough. He’s caught, okay? I’m safe. I’m right here. Let Jack take him.” He couldn’t believe his Noah, his sweet, dorky, brings-flowers-to-Emma-every-Sunday Noah, was about to shoot someone. If he did this, Luke would lose him, forever. “Please, love. Please.”

Noah took several deep, slow breaths, blinking furiously. Then finally, finally, he lowered the gun. Luke felt like he was literally deflating and was about one more crisis away from dissolving onto the floor in a puddle of pre-adolescent tears. Two cops- Luke had no idea how long they’d been there- rushed over, shoving Alan to the floor and cuffing his hands behind his back. Alan winced as the motion pulled at his wound, but turned his head to look at Noah and Luke.

Jack holstered his own gun and cautiously moved to stand in front of them, conveniently blocking them from Alan’s sight. “Give me the gun, Noah.” He held his hand out, face carefully expressionless. Noah closed his eyes and, without opening them, smoothly ejected the clip from the gun, let the bullet in the chamber drop to the floor, and handed the pieces over. Luke could only stare in shock, impressed in spite of himself. When did my boyfriend turn into Dirty Harry?

Alan found himself laughing. “Like I said, Noah. As long as I’m alive, you’re-”

His words were cut off when a boot connected with his jaw, nearly knocking some teeth out. “Oh, sorry,” Jack grunted. “These hospital floors, always so slippery.” Nodding to the two cops. “Get him out of here. I want him in a cell in lockup in the next thirty minutes.”

Luke turned his attention back to Noah, whose eyes were still closed. He was still quiet. Luke could see new bruises and marks on his neck and chest through the rip in his shirt. God, no. He didn’t bother saying anything, just gently touched Noah’s shoulders, pulling him sideways until he rested against Luke. He very very tenderly brought the bound hands into his lap, yanking apart what he recognized as IV tubing and freeing Noah’s wrists.

When Noah’s hand tentatively came up to touch Luke’s, it was as if a switch had been thrown. The adrenaline wore off, and Luke was nearly capsized by all that had happened in the last twenty minutes. What had almost happened to him, what had almost happened to Noah… He let out one quiet sob and drew Noah fully against him, cradling him to his chest. “Oh God, Noah, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Noah didn’t exactly respond to the touch, but he didn’t pull away either.

Another pair of arms encircled both boys, and Luke didn’t have to look to know it was Holden. He buried his face in Noah’s hair and breathed in the scent of him- alive and almost whole- while leaning them both into his dad’s embrace. He continued to whisper “I’m sorry” over and over again as Holden held the both of them, hoping it would be enough to keep both boys safe for a little while longer.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“I’m fine,” Luke insisted, even as Holden and Bob pushed him back onto the cot. His ever-trusty rollaway cot, which now held both Luke and a sleeping Noah. Well, sleeping wasn’t the right word- sedated. Doctor Hughes had decided to sedate Noah after an attempt to get him back to bed and examine him had led to Noah freaking out and almost running out on them. He hadn’t wanted anyone near him, and he definitely hadn’t wanted to be in that bed again.

He wasn’t letting anyone but Luke touch him right now, which was perfectly fine with Luke. After actually seeing Alan with his hands on Noah, Luke was refusing to grant anyone the right to touch his boyfriend. So now Noah was lying on his side, clad in a new t-shirt and his own sweatpants. His eyes were shut tight and he was very still, facing Luke even in his sleep. And Luke was sitting up next to him, arguing that he didn’t need to be examined either.

“You’ve got a pretty impressive ring of bruises around your throat that say differently, son,” Dr. Bob commented. He pulled out his stethoscope. “Just take a couple of deep breaths for me. I want to see if your airway is inflamed at all.”

Luke opened his mouth to protest again, but Holden squeezed his shoulder firmly. “Luke. Let him.” Luke realized Holden hadn’t really let go of him since that hug on the floor. His dad was just as freaked out as he was. The least Luke could do was humor him by getting checked out.

“Alright,” Dr. Bob said a few minutes later. “Nothing sounds damaged, but your neck’s going to be sore for a few days. I suggest some compresses to keep the swelling down. And I’ll send a nurse in with some aspirin for that and the bump on the back of your head.”

Luke nodded absent-mindedly as the doctor left the room, already turning back to watch over Noah. He let one hand rest in his hair, tracing the dark curls slowly with his finger tips, not caring that his dad could see the rather intimate gesture. Right now, he didn’t care too much about anything.

“Hey,” a hushed voice called from the doorway. Jack walked over to them, pulling up chairs for both him and Holden. The men sat down on the same side of the bed, closest to Luke. Jack reluctantly prepared to answer the questions he knew Luke had, but was interrupted by a nurse coming in to drop off aspirin.

Luke swallowed the pills with a big gulp of water, grimacing a little as the bruises on his neck made themselves known. Then he turned his attention back to his cousin. “How did he get free?”

Jack looked very sad and very angry. “He’d been faking sedation for at least two days. He was a medic in the Army, he knew how to deal with IVs and stuff. After one of the shift changes, he attacked his guard. Dallas.”

“He okay?” Holden cut in quickly, worriedly. They didn’t need anything else bad happening right now.

Jack nodded. “He will be. He’s got a hell of a head wound, docs are keeping him at least overnight, but they say he’ll be fine.” He turned back to Luke. “When Dallas came to, he called it in to the station and told security to come here. Your dad and I were just leaving the cafeteria and saw the commotion.” Luke nodded, mentally added Dallas to the list of people his foundation would be buying private islands for. “So that’s our side of the story, Luke,” Jack continued. “You okay to tell us yours?”

Luke could only stare for a few seconds, watching the rise and fall of Noah’s chest. “Yeah,” he said quietly. Too quietly, even for him to hear.

“Luke?” Holden prodded.

He cleared his throat painfully, not sure if it had anything to do with his bruises. “Yeah,” he said again, louder. Against his will he turned away from Noah, though one hand stayed in his hair. He told them what had happened, having to nearly spit out the description of Alan all over Noah, having to stop himself from wondering what exactly had happened when Noah was trapped in the basement with Alan. No, no, no, not thinking about that. No way.

“Luke… when Alan attacked you, did he…” Jack took a deep, uncomfortable breath. “Did he try anything…?”

Luke was confused for a fraction of a second before the understanding hit him. “No! Oh, God, no. He didn’t. He didn’t even want to, he told me so.” Both Jack and Holden breathed very audible sighs of relief. But Luke couldn’t share in it. “And he told me… he told me what he was going to do to Noah as soon as I passed out.” The look on his face stopped either man from asking for specifics. They all looked over at Noah instead.

“You think he’ll be alright?” Jack ventured. “I mean, I know this is a… a setback, but it’s still fixable. Right?” Neither Holden nor Luke could answer.

Finally Luke looked up again. “I definitely want him at the farm. As soon as possible. He won’t feel safe here anymore.” I don’t feel safe here anymore either, he wanted to add. Noah shifted a little under his hand, and Luke shushed him, petting his hair, whispering that everything was okay. When he turned back to the two men, he was surprised to see they were standing. “What-?”

“We’re going to let you two get some sleep,” Holden explained. Softer, “I have to tell your mom what happened. I think it’d be better to do it in person and not on the phone. We’ll probably both be back later tonight.”

“I’m going to check in with everything at the station, maybe come back and sit with Dallas for awhile,” Jack chimed in. “You can call me if you need anything.”

Luke meant to thank them, reassure them he was fine, something, but he was suddenly so exhausted that he just didn’t want to. He nodded with a jaw-cracking yawn, scooting down on the cot until he fully lying down, level with his boyfriend.

He turned onto his side so he was facing Noah, content for the time being to simply look at him. He could pretend, in this dark and quiet room, that he was in his bedroom at his mother’s house with Noah simply sleeping next to him. And they were both okay, healthy, happy.

As though he knew he was being watched, Noah stirred a little, frowning briefly before his eyes opened slowly. “Luke?” he drew the one syllable out heavily.

Luke was surprised, the drugs were supposed to keep Noah knocked out for a few more hours. “Hey there, Mayer.” He placed his hand down directly between them so Noah could see it, then moved it up to his face, rubbing his thumb against Noah’s stubbly jaw line.

Noah halfway smiled at the contact for a moment before frowning sluggishly. “You’re hurt?” He was looking at the bruises on Luke’s neck. He tried to move his own hand up to touch them but could only work up the energy to get his hand to Luke’s arm.

Luke stared deeply into Noah’s eyes, trying to gauge how aware he was. Those eyes that he loved so much were cloudy now, heavy-lidded and blinking frequently. He smiled soothingly. “No, I’m not. I’m fine.”

“Your throat,” Noah insisted, determined.

Luke shrugged his free shoulder. “You don’t like it? I thought we could have a matching set, his-and-his neck bruises.”

It took Noah a very long time to process that comment, and if ever there was a possibility for a drugged-up trauma victim to roll his eyes, Noah Mayer found a way. “Silly,” he mumbled, eyes closing a little more.

Luke grinned genuinely, liking how it felt to do that. He felt some of the tension from the last couple hours seeping away. Noah was safe, they were both safe and both going to be fine, Luke was sure of it. It wouldn’t be easy, of course, but right now Luke was starting to feel like it would definitely happen. “C’mere, love,” he softened his voice even more.

Noah opened his eyes again, studying Luke, trying to figure out what he just said. Then he half-smiled again, and both boys inched their way closer to each other until Luke was on his back and Noah was on his stomach, one arm slung across Luke’s midsection, his head on Luke’s shoulder. Luke watched as Noah’s eyes began closing again, his head turning even more to the side with a soft sigh. “Luke?” he asked softly, already half-asleep.

“Yeah?” His chin dropped onto Noah’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck a little.

Noah tried to smile drowsily. “I really, really love you.”

“Oh, you do?” he teased lightly. Half-asleep Noah was always a source of fun, and it looked like, despite the horrible situation, drugged-up Noah was going to be just as adorable.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere,” he continued mumbling.

“I’m not.”

“Ever.”

“I won’t,” Luke was somewhere between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Noah winced a little, this time definitely from physical discomfort as fresh bruises protested his movement, and he readjusted his body to get more comfortable on the narrow cot. “I don’t want it to be true.” He didn’t seem to be talking to Luke anymore.

“Don’t want what to be true?” Luke had no idea where this had come from. Or where it was going. Should he be scared?

“You’re going to leave me when you find out…” he sighed.

“Find out?” Okay, Luke was starting to get scared. But then Noah’s hand came up to rub at one of the ugly bruises near his collar bone, one that happened to be accompanied by teeth marks. Luke let out a breath, his hand covering Noah’s. “Not your fault, baby. I’m not going to leave you.”

“He said…” Noah’s voice cracked.

“Who?”

“Colonel. He said you wouldn’t want me now. Said I was asking for it…” Noah’s voice was fading.

Luke felt his heart drop down to his stomach. Not only had Alan attacked and abused Noah, but Colonel Mayer had given his consent? Had used it as punishment, or to teach a lesson?! Luke had to stop himself from shaking in rage at that, not wanting to upset Noah further. “Noah,” he sighed the name. “You know none of what he said is true, right?” No answer. “Right?”

The drugs had kicked in again. Noah was fast asleep, breathing deeply, the puffs of air hitting Luke on the upper chest and warming his skin through his shirt. He sighed, telling himself it didn’t matter, Noah was still going to get better. To hell with the damn Colonel. He brought his own hand up to lace their fingers together and finally allowed himself to fall into a deep, hopefully dreamless sleep.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Marcus was starting to get frustrated. As a long-time therapist, he knew the importance of patience, of keeping his cool when up against seemingly impossible odds. And yet, for the first time in many, many years, he felt like reaching up and tearing out the little hair he had left on his head. Why couldn’t he make this work? Was he really getting that old? Was he not up to this challenge?

“Damn iPod…” he grumbled, trying yet again (he really was glutton for punishment) to transfer songs from his computer to this mp3 player. “Damn technology…” The error message flashed across his screen again, mocking him. “Damn kids and their damn…” It just felt good to say. And it was his granddaughter who had gotten him this silly contraption, so in a way it was her fault.

He was just about to start yelling about kids ruining his lawn when there was soft knock on the door. He took a moment to calm himself. “Come in.” Thank God he took that moment, because otherwise he might have let the surprise he felt show on his face when Noah Mayer stepped into his office.

“Hi,” the boy said awkwardly, standing just inside the doorway as though he had to be ready to make a run for it. Marcus wondered if that was because he was uncomfortable in the presence of a therapist or if that was just his standard state of being anymore.

“Noah, hello.” He smiled genuinely but not too widely. He didn’t want his potential patient to think he was trying to be best friends right away. He didn’t want to scare him off again. “Would you like to sit down?”

He hesitated, glancing around the office, eyeing the posters and pictures on the walls, the large comfy leather couch covered in pillows, the organized chaos that was Marcus’s desk. He looked back at Marcus with the same calculating eye before nodding and moving in closer. He didn’t sit full on the couch though, just perched on the arm. Marcus noted he was moving slowly, very careful and deliberate with his actions. He winced a little before his body settled down. The latest encounter with his attacker must have left some bruises, more than a few.

“I’ll be honest, Noah. I was going to come see you today, try my pitch again. I heard you’re leaving the hospital this afternoon.” Bob had given him the heads up yesterday when he stopped by to tell Marcus about this latest incident. He really felt for the kid; it just seemed to get worse at every turn.

Noah nodded, looking down at his hands. “They say I’m well enough to go home, so…”

It was the most he’d ever heard Noah say in one breath. “Do you feel well enough?” He refrained from leaning forward, not wanting to crowd Noah even from the other side of his desk.

Noah shrugged, a very practiced gesture. “I guess. I’m not sick anymore, so it makes sense.”

“Well, how do you feel right now?” Marcus pressed gently.

Another shrug. “If… if I was okay I wouldn’t be here, right? I don’t know.”

Marcus nodded, sitting back in his chair. “First time I met you, you didn’t even want me in the same room as you, remember? I seem to recall you throwing me out.” He smiled, but Noah was still avoiding eye contact and missed the joke.

“I’m sorry,” he was becoming hesitant, withdrawing again.

Marcus rushed to pull him back. “I didn’t mean that as a rebuke, Noah. I meant it as a sign of progress. You came to see me, by yourself. In my opinion, that means you’re getting better.”

Noah scoffed ever so slightly. “Personal or professional opinion? There’s usually a difference,” he muttered, seemingly without meaning to. Marcus’s smile was much wider now, though Noah still couldn’t see it. There he was- it was the most personality he’d seen out of Noah yet. He was still himself in there somewhere, the boy just didn’t realize it yet.

“Both, actually,” he finally replied. One side of Noah’s mouth attempted a polite smile in return. Marcus readied himself with a deep breath. “Look, Noah, Bob told me a little of what happened yester-”

“I almost killed him,” Noah’s voice was quiet, but it cut into the air like steel.

“Your attacker?” Marcus clarified.

Noah nodded, his eyes roaming the office, looking at everything but the therapist. He settled on staring at an old photograph framed on a nearby shelf. The man and woman in it looked somewhat familiar, but Noah couldn’t work up the energy to try and place them. “Two weeks ago, I never even would’ve thought- thought that I could- that I…” he struggled with himself.

Marcus kept quiet, watching him intently. Noah traced a bruise on his wrist with his other hand. “He was going to hurt Luke, and I couldn’t let that happen. I wasn’t thinking then, just reacting: He had Luke and there was a gun right there and…” Noah took in a shuddering breath.

“Sounds like-” Marcus’s tone must have been too gentle, because Noah grimaced, his eyes flashing a brighter blue defensively.

“The thing is,” he continued as though Marcus hadn’t said a word. “When Luke was safe, and I still had the gun pointed at… I was thinking then. Clearly. And I wanted to kill him. I wanted to finish it.” He finally looked directly at the doctor. Based on his words, Marcus would’ve thought his face would be full of fire, anger, maybe even hate. But Noah once again threw a curve ball at him, and all he saw on the boy’s face was despair, shame, and real fear. “Is this how I’m gonna feel from now on?” he asked, sounding frail.

Marcus took a moment to choose his words carefully before answering. “Not if you don’t want to,” he responded. “You can fix yourself, Noah. I know for a fact that you can.” He watched, holding himself quiet then, as a battle waged inside his potential patient. Ah hell, who was he kidding? His patient. He was going to be a part of this recovery whether he was welcome or not!

Noah mulled many things- a lifetime’s worth of things- over in his head, unconsciously chewing on his lower lip. Marcus gave him the time. When he looked back up, Marcus could see that his eyes were a little bit clearer. He wouldn’t call it determination, but it was a start. “Well? What are you going to do?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Holden pulled the car up next to the porch and took his time shutting off the engine before he turned to look behind him. Unlike Lily, who was already twisted around and staring into the backseat. Holden smiled at her and turned his own head.

Luke and Noah were both asleep, holding hands, Luke’s head resting on Noah’s shoulder. It was a scene Holden had looked upon many times, and if it weren’t for the bruises visible on both boys he could almost believe everything was right in the world.

But then, as though God just had to prove him wrong right then and there, Noah flinched in his sleep, gripping Luke’s hand tighter. Luke woke up immediately, glancing around startled for a second before focusing on Noah, kissing his forehead lightly. By the time he looked up at his parents, both Holden and Lily were getting out of the car, hiding their sadness and pretending to be distracted by unloading the car of duffel bags.

Luke wasn’t fooled, but he didn’t want his mom and dad to know that. He looked back at Noah again, who was just waking up himself. “We’re here?” he asked groggily, blinking and yawning.

“Yup,” Luke whispered, running his thumb along the hand that was clutched in his. Noah nodded, rubbing his eyes like a little boy waking up from a nap. Luke couldn’t help but kiss him again. When he did stuff like that, Luke didn’t stand a chance. “You ready?” he asked, opening his door. After another nod, Luke hopped out of the car and hurried over to Noah’s side as his boyfriend climbed out too.

While they were both standing there, gratefully inhaling the smells and sounds of the farm, Holden and Lily took their bags inside, giving them the moment alone. Luke could see the nervousness on Noah’s face, having to face people he hadn’t consciously been around since before the kidnapping. He wanted so badly to wrap an arm around Noah as they walked to the porch, but he was unsure if it would be smothering him.

But then, even as he reached for Noah’s hand to offer a little comfort, Noah stepped in even closer and leaned into Luke’s body a little- their old unspoken request for a hug. He couldn’t help but grin, pulling Noah to him, relishing in the warmth their bodies produced together. He could feel Noah let out the breath he’d unconsciously been holding in.

“I’m glad you’re here, Luke,” Noah said softly. And then he did something that surprised both of them- he kissed Luke on the cheek. For the first time since his rescue, he initiated a kiss on his own.

By this point, Luke was getting used to emotions completely overwhelming him. Worry, helplessness, anger- they had been hitting him like tidal waves. But the fact that it was happiness that filled him now felt so incredibly good. His smile got impossibly wider, and he brought both hands up to Noah’s face, bringing it down so their foreheads touched. He was going to say something cute, something loving, but he realized as they looked into each other’s eyes (Noah was looking into his eyes!) that he didn’t need to. He had learned long ago- Noah had shown him long ago- that there were an infinite number of ways to say I love you.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Dinner was thankfully quick and uneventful. Noah had been understandably quiet and for the most part everyone left him in peace, except to encourage him to eat a little more and remind him to take his meds. He even managed a genuine smile for Emma, which nearly left her in a giant puddle of tears that she hid well enough from everyone but Holden.

While Luke took Noah upstairs to help him shower and get to bed- too much excitement for one day had Noah almost falling asleep at the table- Holden followed his mother over to the sink as she began washing dishes. “Mama?”

She just shook her head, not looking up from the soapy water. Holden leaned against the counter next to her, waiting. “They’re both still so hurt,” she finally whispered. “Lord knows they’re trying, but… A part of me thought that coming home from the hospital meant everything was all better. Foolish, I know, but I can’t-”

“It’s not foolish,” he protested quietly. “It’s not foolish to want your family to be well and whole. That’s a consequence of loving them.”

Tears burned her eyes again. “I just didn’t expect them to still be so hurt,” she tried to explain. Because while Noah was grievously wounded, inside and out, she could see the damage in Luke as well, and she wasn’t just talking about those ugly bruises around his neck.

“I’m worried about Luke too,” Holden murmured, knowing what she was thinking about, just like always. Emma finally turned to look at her son as he continued. “He’s got an almost… pathological need to watch over Noah right now, especially after what happened yesterday. He needs to take a break from worrying, or they’re both just going to suffer more for it. I’m worried they’ll get too dependent on each other.” He gave his mother a quick but warm hug. “But we did get over one hurdle today- Noah went to talk to Dr. Weston on his own. He’s going to start counseling in two days.”

“He accepted help,” Emma let out a relieved breath, almost not ready to believe something that good had actually happened. “He asked for help.”

Holden smiled. “Which is one of the hardest things to do. If Noah can do that, there’s no reason to think he can’t get through all of this. And if we can get Luke to see he needs help too, then everything will work out.” He gave her a sweet, silly kiss on the cheek. “I’d bet the farm on it.”

“Oh, you,” she swatted his shoulder with the dish rag, smiling in spite of herself. Maybe Holden was right. Maybe everything would turn out fine. She still had worries about her family, but right now her time would probably be better spent planning the biggest breakfast the Snyder family had ever seen…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Luke tore out another sheet of paper, balling it up and tossing it aside in true cliché-frustrated-writer fashion. He had thought that some writing would be good for him right now- he hadn’t done all that much lately. To be honest, he hadn’t really written for fun since this latest semester started. The first full semester in which he wasn’t a college student.

Luke didn’t want to admit it, but he missed OU sometimes. He missed his writing classes. He missed his professor, his advisor, he even missed the pretentious thick-framed-glasses-wearing student in the Decemberists t-shirt who always talked about “finding the truth” in his stories.

The truth for Luke was he missed that rush of writing something down, of getting a new assignment and having to push himself to be creative by someone else’s rules, of finding the perfect combination of words that said something new. Luke missed all of that.

But he didn’t miss school. And he couldn’t figure out how to tell his family that. They both were subtly and not-so-subtly dropping hints that he should try to go back. Noah did too, but he always backed off quickly. And he never talked about his own classes, his teachers, his friends in the film department. Luke wasn’t sure if he never brought it up because he thought it would sadden Luke or piss him off.

And now Luke wouldn’t be able to find out, as Noah was taking the rest of this semester off on medical leave. He knew Noah was going to hate being out of the editing lab for this long- the image of a crack addict going too long without a fix came to mind- but everyone, including Noah, knew it was for the best right now. And speaking of not talking about painful subjects…

He sighed a little, tossing the notebook aside (not the computer, it was always more fun and organic to write something new with pen and paper) and settled down fully on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He wondered when the time would come that Noah would be able to talk about everything that had happened to him. And if he himself would be ready to hear it.

Noah had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow a few hours ago. He had been so exhausted, mentally and physically, that Luke had had to pretty much prop him up in the shower. It had been such a strange experience. There was nothing remotely sexual about it, but Luke couldn’t help but admire how beautiful Noah was, even in this state. Just so achingly beautiful, Luke couldn’t look away. It was the first time he’d seen Noah naked since the kidnapping, and God he loved that body more than pretty much anything else on Earth.

But it was also the first time he’d seen the extent of the bruising on his body. Noah’s hips and the upper parts of his amazingly long legs had been discolored and marred; Luke had almost been afraid to touch him. Too many of the bruises looked too much like handprints, and if he actually thought about Alan touching Noah there, especially now that he had a visual to go along with it…

He was finding it harder and harder to let Noah out of his sight. What if something else happened to him? Something that finally made him snap? Noah was slowly trying to get better, but what if it wasn’t enough? What if Luke wasn’t enough to help him get through it?

Another rather impressive sigh, and Luke finally turned off his bedside lamp and burrowed under his comforter. His bed was so incredibly comfortable after those night on his friend, the rollaway cot. (He had been one more night away from giving it a name. Maybe Fred.) And yet, Luke wasn’t sure he’d be able to fall asleep tonight. He and Noah were in separate rooms now. How was Noah doing, was he okay?

A few more minutes of tossing and turning, and suddenly his bedroom door creaked open. Luke stilled immediately, wondering if it was his Grandma coming in to check on him. But when the door shut and the person stepped closer without saying a word, Luke knew who it was. He opened his eyes quickly and rolled over, pulling back his comforter so Noah could climb in next to him.

His boyfriend did so silently, gingerly, obviously still a little sore. They both lay on their sides, facing each other. Luke frowned when Noah finally looked at him. His eyes were panicked, wild. “Bad dream?” he whispered. Noah nodded before moving closer, pressing his forehead into the middle of Luke’s chest, breathing heavily.

Luke stayed still, letting Noah get whatever it was he needed. “I’m here, I’m right here,” he murmured, glad in a way that Noah had sought him out, wasn’t trying to deal on his own. He moved a little then, raking his fingers through Noah’s hair when he sighed and relaxed against Luke, forehead still resting at his chest.

Noah’s hand worked its way up to grasp the front of Luke’s shirt. Then he just held on, like Linus clutching his blue blanket. “Good night Luke,” he mumbled, more into the fabric than anything else.

Luke smiled sleepily, finally feeling like he could get some rest, now that Noah was here. Sorry Fred, looks like I don’t need you after all. He wrapped an arm lightly around his boyfriend and pulled the comforter over both of them. “Good night Noah.”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Holden and Luke argue, Noah starts therapy and bonds with someone unexpected...

Chapter 11: Eleven

Summary:

Holden and Luke argue, Noah starts therapy and bonds with someone unexpected.

The next day Emma kept a careful eye on the boys, Holden’s words ringing in her head. Was it right to be worried about them being too attached to each other right now? She knew that Noah had ended up in Luke’s room last night, and she almost felt guilty for not caring. If any of her own children knew that… oh, she’d catch an earful. But at the moment, if Noah needed Luke nearby so that he could sleep, she wouldn’t dare object.

The poor boy needed a lot of care right now, and not just from Luke. Noah had always been too thin for her liking and never seemed to eat enough of her food (like he had grown up eating rations, she shuddered), but now he was skin and bones, like a newborn foal. He needed fattening up, and Emma was just the woman to do it.

She was cooking up a storm right now. She left the meat dishes up to Janet- she’d never hear the end of it if the woman didn’t get to make her meatballs- and concentrated instead on the carbs and starches. Mashed sweet potatoes, stuffing, macaroni and cheese, and of course her oatmeal raisin cookies. Enough food to last her entire brood a few lunches and dinners.

Emma looked up from stirring the pot of gravy when Jack entered, sniffing the air appreciatively. “Smells like Thanksgiving!” he called out before coming closer and peering into the pots and pans scattered around the stove.

“That would be the stuffing,” she explained, playfully smacking at his hand with her wooden spoon when he reached for a cookie. “And those are for Noah.”

He smiled. “Of course they are. Where are the boys?”

“Holden dragged Luke out to help him with the horses. Noah was upstairs taking a nap last time I checked on him.” Emma went back to stirring. Maybe she would take some soup up to him later. First she’d have to make some, though. The name Campbell’s was blasphemous in her kitchen.

Jack nodded, whisking the tin of cookies off the counter before Emma could stop him. “I’ll take these up to him then,” he offered impishly.

“Jack Snyder, if they get eaten by someone other than that boy…” she warned. Jack raised his eyebrows in his best who-me?-face as he moved to the stairs. Just as he reached the bottom step, he grabbed a cookie and shoved the whole thing in his mouth, grinning at her through the crumbs. She kept up her stern glare until he was out of sight, then smiled good-naturedly. Oh, this family.

Jack made his way to Noah’s room, knocking on the door and calling out his name softly before entering. No Noah. The bed was empty, didn’t even really look slept in either. No reason to worry, though. Jack was sure if Noah was sleeping comfortably anywhere, it was in Luke’s room.

But a similar investigation left him with the same result- Luke’s bed was just as empty. Jack was about to think about maybe starting to possibly worry when he noticed the note sitting on Luke’s pillow, the message written in a precise, neat scrawl.

At the pond so don’t worry. Love you.

Jack smiled a little in relief and, leaving the note where it was, made his way down the far staircase to the den and out the hardly ever used (except for today) front door of the house. He could see Luke and Holden at a distance as he crossed the yard, corralling a horse by the barn.

He found Noah sitting at the far edge of the pond, legs drawn up and arms wrapped around. His chin was resting on his knees, and in that moment Jack thought he looked younger than Parker or JJ. It gave Jack the courage to approach him, being sure to make just enough noise so he wasn’t sneaking up on Noah.

Noah lifted his head when Jack sat down next to him, eyeing the older man quizzically, maybe even a little concerned. Jack held up a hand. “Everything’s fine. I just came by to give you Emma’s latest batch of cookies. Everyone knows they’re best when eaten right out of the oven.” Noah smiled a little at that and nodded, reaching for a cookie.

Jack set the tin on the grass between them and settled down to sit next to Noah, not too close, not too far away. He gazed out at the pond, the barn and house in the distance. He could even hear Holden, Luke, and the horse- their sounds carried out faintly by the wind. All in all, it was very peaceful and Jack could understand why Noah would be here.

“You nervous about tomorrow?” he asked, not turning to look at Noah. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Noah wince and put down his nibbled-on cookie. He didn’t answer, but he didn’t really need to.

“It’s a scary thing,” Jack continued. “Going to counseling for the first time. I don’t think I slept at all the night before I had to go.” He could feel Noah’s intense gaze land on him now, but he still didn’t look away from the pond. “It’s not easy, having to talk about yourself, having to relive whatever crap put you in therapy in the first place. But you know what the worst part was for me?” He turned suddenly, capturing Noah’s eyes with his, making sure he was listening. “The worst was having to hear what the doctor thought of me. Having to be assessed. I was worried I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.”

He almost smiled at the shocked look Noah tried to hide. The young man was nodding without even realizing it. Jack tried to smile in understanding, but Noah stiffened up again, turning back to look at the pond once more. Jack couldn’t help but be impressed by how tightly Noah held himself, how well he hid behind those walls.

He sat there, waiting for the kid to ask him why he had been in therapy. Anyone else would. But not Noah, he just continued to sit there next to him, breaking up the cookie he had been holding into little pieces and tossing it bit by bit to the family of ducks nearby.

“You’re not going to ask?” he finally had to prompt. Noah shook his head decisively. “Why not?”

“Because then you’re going to want me to talk back,” he answered quietly, his voice a little rough from disuse, which saddened Jack. It wasn’t like he had ever known Noah to be a big talker, especially compared to Luke, but he had been so damn quiet since they wheeled him out of that cabin.

Then the words Noah said registered in his brain, and Jack had to laugh softly. Clever, clever boy. “I won’t do that, Noah. I promise.”

Another moment of silence before Noah actually spoke up on his own. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Jack was confused; what could Noah have possibly done that would offend him?

He watched as the young man concentrated on pulling apart another oatmeal raisin cookie. Ooh, if Emma could see him now... “You’re the one who shot him. In the cabin.”

He felt himself sit back a little, rocked by this unexpected subject getting brought up. He wasn’t even sure how Noah knew about this, whether he had overheard it at the hospital or…? He nodded. “Yeah, I was. Still not sure why you’re apologizing for it.”

Noah shrugged. “You had to shoot someone ‘cause of me.” He took another cookie out of the tin, breaking it up to toss to the ground again. “I’m sorry you had to do that.”

Jack was silent, shocked, for a few seconds, watching as Noah broke the bits of oatmeal raisin into even smaller pieces so the ducklings wobbling around could eat the cookie too. Finally, he cleared his throat, ready. “First, I didn’t shoot him because of you. I shot him because he raised his weapon at me and my fellow officers with intent to kill one of us. It’s not the first time I’ve had to do it. I hope it’s the last, but with this town you never know.”

The corner of Noah’s mouth tilted up at that. Jack softened his voice. “I had to shoot him, Noah, because he would have shot me or someone else. The reason I did it had nothing to do with you, or me, or Luke, or anyone but Alan.”

Noah flinched, and Jack realized he’d never heard Noah say the guy’s name out loud. He wondered if Noah could even think the name. “I’m still sorry,” was the very quiet reply. Noah was shaking one of his hands absent-mindedly, flexing his fingers. Jack wondered if it was a nervous tic.

“Yeah,” Jack stood up, wondering just when it was that he got so old that sitting on the ground gave him a sore back. “Me too.” He picked up the tin, tossing out the rest of the crumbs over to the ducks that seemed to have adopted Noah. Get in line, birds. What was it about this kid that had families clamoring to take him in? “You hanging out here for awhile longer?”

Noah nodded, smiling a little again at the ducklings clumsily running around near his bare feet. Not smiling at Jack. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Alright. Take it easy, kid.” Jack was halfway back to the farmhouse with the empty tin when he realized he never saw Noah actually eat a single cookie.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Holden wiped the sweat from his brow, watching with more than a little pride as Luke walked the last horse back into the barn. The kid was a natural with horses, that was for sure. With everything that had been going on recently in Luke’s life Holden had been afraid to say it, but part of him would love to have his son work with him on the farm. Keep the Snyder business around after Holden was gone.

Though Natalie had recently informed him that she wanted to be a cowgirl when she grew up along with her career as a famous tap dancer (Noah had introduced her to Singing in the Rain a few weeks ago), so all hope wasn’t lost just yet…

Luke turned back to him, but he didn’t seem to be sharing in Holden’s fond musings. In fact, he had been distracted since Holden dragged him out here a couple hours ago. “Anything else, Dad?” His eyes were straying back to the farmhouse.

He tried to smile, tried to appear casual. “Got somewhere you have to be?”

Luke shrugged. “I just want to check on Noah. He didn’t eat much for lunch, and if he doesn’t take his meds with food it could-”

“Luke.” Holden’s voice was quiet, but it held that firm tone that always carried farther than it should. Almost reluctantly, Luke trailed his gaze back to his dad. That was the tone he used when he was going to say something you wouldn’t like. “We need to talk about something.”

“About Noah?” he asked a little fearfully, moving closer to Holden without even really realizing it. They both sat on the bales of hay stacked against the far wall. Luke racked his brain for every possible thing he or his boyfriend could have done to warrant the ‘Father-knows-best’ tone he was hearing now. Did Holden know about them sharing a bed last night? Did he, for some reason, disapprove?

“Yes. Well, sort of,” he amended. “I’m just… I’m worried about you.”

Luke’s eyebrows couldn’t have raised any higher. “About me? Dad, there’s no- and what does it have to do with Noah?”

Holden gathered his breath and his thoughts for a moment. Talking to Luke about subjects like this was like walking through a minefield, you just never knew what was going to cause an explosion. “I just want you to take a break for a bit. Take some time for yourself before you burn out.”

Luke’s eye brightened a little more with their hazel-tint, something they always did when he was getting defensive. Lily’s did the same thing. “You want me to take a break from Noah. Are you saying I’m spending too much time with him? Because we’re not together right here and now, thanks to you.” He stilled. The match was being struck. “Oh. That’s why you brought me out here, isn’t it? To keep me away from Noah?!”

And somehow the fuse had been lit. Holden just hoped he could stomp out the spark before it reached the actual bomb. “No, I wanted to spend some time with my son. And… I just don’t want either of you to get too dependent on each other, kiddo. It’ll only hurt both of you, hurt Noah’s recovery, in the long run.”

“I’m the only one Noah trusts right now, the only one he’s comfortable with,” Luke’s voice was deceptively calm. The spark was picking up speed, and Holden was racing to catch up. “You think I should just abandon him?”

“No, not at all,” he rushed to say. “But he’s never going to get better, trust other people, if you don’t let him. If he relies on you for everything, he won’t push himself to get better.” Too late, Holden realized he should have just run for cover before the bomb exploded.

Tick, tick, boom. “So I’m holding him back now?!” Luke was standing over Holden, hands flailing in the air a bit, before Holden even registered that Luke had gotten to his feet.

“Luke, I didn’t say that.” He fought to keep his voice steady, trying to show Luke how sincere he felt about this, about both boys. “I’m just worried about you two. And I don’t want you getting too far in over your head either. I just…”

“What? You just what?” Luke was challenging him, but Holden refused to rise to the bait.

Right now, he was just trying to put out the flames and make it out alive. Somewhere inside he started to laugh- sometimes being a parent is all about surviving. “There’s going to be a point where Noah will get better, will talk to someone besides you. I don’t want you to get upset by that. And I don’t want Noah to feel like he can’t talk to anyone else if it’ll hurt you. I don’t want either of you to end up resenting each other. This whole thing is enough of a mess as it is. I don’t want it to get worse.”

Luke was nodding at him, but in that way that wasn’t agreeing. It was the nod of ‘I’m-moving-a-body-part-so-I-don’t-reach-out-and-strangle-you-with-my-bare-hands.’ “Well, thanks so much, Dr. Phil, for that assessment. So instead of helping the love of my life who’s just gone through pretty much the worst stuff someone can go through, I should ditch him? Throw him out to sea without a life vest and hope he doesn’t drown?” He smacked his palm flat against the wood of the stable next to him. “What the hell, Dad? He needs me right now. Out of everyone, I never thought you would…” he finally stopped to take a breath, turning away from Holden for a moment, staring down the row of horses.

Holden waited a moment. “Are you done? Because I think you know none of that is true. You honestly think I want you- anyone- to abandon Noah? I know he needs us, he needs to see that there are still a lot of people who care about him.” He finally stood up, standing next to Luke, wishing his son would just look at him.

Quieter, “I’m just afraid that you not letting him out of your sight for more than an hour at a time will cause problems for the two of you later on. The last two weeks, Luke, all you’ve done is worry about Noah. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t have, or that we weren’t either. But…” he sighed, finally speaking out his real fear. “If you don’t let yourself and Noah breathe, you might end up resenting him. And he might end up resenting you. I don’t want that. You don’t want that. You need a break, to do something for yourself. Noah wasn’t the only one affected by all of this.”

Luke finally looked up at him, and for a second- just a second- Holden thought Luke was listening to what he was really saying. But then his son’s gaze narrowed, eyes flashing with more than defensiveness now. “What I don’t want… is you interfering with my life like this. Or my relationship with Noah. Trying to control it, me, like you are right now? Isn’t that what a certain Army guy did to his own son for like eighteen years?”

Holden closed his eyes so he wouldn’t actually flinch. He recalled a time a few months ago during the damn election that had gotten Luke off track in the first place. Luke and Noah had just had another fight about it, and Holden had found Noah sulking (hiding) in the barn after the argument. After several unsuccessful attempts to get him to talk, it had taken some very creative coercion involving one of the horses to get words out of his son’s boyfriend… but that was a story for another time.

They had talked, and Noah mentioned to Holden that Luke had actually quoted Colonel Mayer as justification for whatever he was doing. He’d never forget the look of near-physical pain on Noah’s face when he had tried to describe how that felt to hear. Well, now he knew. To be compared at all, even a little, to that rat bastard…

Luke knew he had gone too far with that remark, but he could never seem to stop himself when he got worked up like this. He looked at his father, half in shame and half still in indignant anger, and stalked out of the barn.

Holden let out a long, frustrated sigh, wishing there was something he could punch right now. He turned to the horse in the closest stall to him. “Don’t ever have kids,” he warned it. Eastwood snorted in response, shaking his mane, and somehow that made Holden feel like an even bigger idiot. Well, that went great…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Luke lay on one side of his bed, turned towards the empty space he had purposefully left open next to him. He had cracked his door open just a little bit too. All ready in case Noah needed him again tonight.

After the argument with Holden, Luke had gone back to the farmhouse to check on Noah, part of him doing it out of spite. The note on his pillow had left him smiling in fondness and fighting off panic. Noah had gone off alone. Even if it was just to the pond… wasn’t that dangerous right now? What if one of those freaks escaped police custody? Or, even worse, what if Noah had a flashback or a panic attack or something, and no one was there for him?

Luke had dashed down the stairs, nearly colliding with his cousin at the door. Jack had grabbed his shoulders, stopping him, saying Noah was okay. Luke had still been a little panicked, but relaxed when he saw the tin in Jack’s hands. Of course Emma had baked Noah’s favorite- the oatmeal raisin cookies. The empty tin eased a little more of Luke’s worry; Noah had slept through breakfast and only picked at his lunch. At least he was eating the cookies.

His bedroom door was opening. Finally, he sighed internally, surprised by his own relief. He watched silently as Noah eased his way into the room tentatively, shutting the door behind him. He took a few more steps to the bed before hesitating.

Luke lifted his head, pulling back the comforter. “It’s okay. Come here,” he whispered, smiling a little to put his boyfriend at ease. Without another word Noah slid under the covers, curling up next to Luke. His head ended up resting in the crook of Luke’s arm, his own arms wrapped around himself protectively. Luke frowned at the way he was shaking. That meant another bad dream. “It’s okay,” he said again. “I’m here.”

Noah nodded with his eyes closed, trying to stop his own trembling. Slowly, slowly, his arms relaxed and fell away. And just like last night, he reached out and held onto the front of Luke’s shirt, as though he needed to prove to himself that Luke was there, tangible, real.

Luke tried to keep the smile on his face, and reached out his own hand to cup the side of Noah’s cheek, rubbing his thumb along the five o’clock shadow that he secretly loved. Noah relaxed a little more, but wasn’t falling asleep.

Luke kept quiet, watching Noah and thinking over the argument he’d had with his father. Holden was probably the smartest man Luke had ever known, but in this he was wrong. Holden knew a lot about the world, but he didn’t know Noah. Not like Luke did. Nobody knew Noah like Luke did, and a part of Luke liked it that way.

It felt good to be able to take care of someone else, to have someone who would always come to him first. As crazy-scary and horrible as the past two weeks had been, the small bright light of it was that Luke could say without a doubt that he knew Noah trusted him, loved him. Noah was letting Luke take care of him, and (sadly) Luke was the only person on Earth who’d ever had that privilege. It made Luke feel special, important. He needed that feeling right now.

But he still felt horrible about the fight. And, God, had he actually compared Holden to the Colonel?! Just thinking about it left Luke feeling sick to his stomach. He hadn’t meant it, he really hadn’t. It just slipped out somehow. Even though he knew Holden was wrong about this (he had to be wrong about this), Luke still felt like crap for how he handled it. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d make it up to his dad.

Noah’s free hand touching his startled Luke out of his thoughts. He smiled genuinely again, linking their fingers together very slowly and deliberately. “Feel better?” he asked softly, pulling their hands close to him so he could kiss the fingers. At Noah’s nod, Luke felt like sticking his tongue out at Holden in his head (at least until he remembered the Winston comment).

Okay, just because he and Noah were really attached right now, didn’t mean they always would be! He would help Noah get better and they’d both go back to normal. No reason for his dad to worry.

To prove his point to Holden and himself, Luke pulled on their hands again until Noah moved in even closer, his face almost pressed into Luke’s shoulder. Noah let him do it, sighing a little with contentment when he settled back down comfortably. Luke kissed his forehead, the side of his face next to his closed eyes, the tip of his nose.

He had a brief flash of déjà vu, sitting in Noah’s broken-down truck with Noah’s head on his shoulder and Ameera sleeping on the other side of the cab…

…Wow. Sometimes even he couldn’t believe all the crap they had gone through since meeting two years ago.

Luke studied Noah’s face, how calm he seemed, how cozy and wonderful he felt lying next to him, how much Luke missed having Noah lie next to him. He took a chance then, leaning in to press a kiss to Noah’s mouth. He hadn’t kissed Noah in two weeks, and like a man lost in the desert, he dove in to quench his thirst. Noah’s lips were soft and warm and perfect and Luke hadn’t realized until now just how much he had wanted them touching his. It was perfect.

For about two seconds. Then Noah made a noise somewhere between a gasp and a whimper and shoved himself away, nearly falling off the bed. “No no no no no,” he was mumbling over and over again, nearly oblivious to his own body’s desperate movements. He stumbled to his feet but didn’t go far. As soon as his back hit the far wall, his legs gave out and he slid to the floor, wrapping his long arms around himself. He curled up in his sitting position, making himself as small as possible. “No no no no…”

Luke was frozen in his shock for barely that amount of time. Damn it! He wanted to smack himself in the head with something very hard and give himself a concussion, preferably something made of metal so he’d get tetanus too. God, what was he thinking? “Noah,” he called out softly. He flipped on his bedside lamp, casting the room into soft light, hoping it would help. He had to make his room as unlike a basement as possible.

Frantically he threw open his window, letting the cool night air rush in. Then he turned slowly towards the figure still huddled on the other side of the room, his heart pretty much breaking when the shadow of his body crossed Noah and Noah cringed, screwing his eyes shut even tighter. “Noah,” he said again, quietly, gently.

He crouched down in front of his boyfriend, not too close (but not close enough for him). “It’s me, it’s Luke, you’re okay. You’re safe, baby. Please…” he trailed off. Please what, dumbass? Please don’t be hurt? Please don’t be freaked out because I kissed you? Please show me that I didn’t just break you?

Thankfully, Noah wasn’t mumbling anymore. He was still shaking, but less so. He was coming out of whatever flashback Luke had accidentally thrown him into. He pulled his arms away from himself, staring at them. At the small little cuts and bruises that hadn’t healed all the way yet. The ugly red lines that were still scratched onto his wrists. He shook his head, trying to clear it, trying to come back to the present. To Luke. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, not looking up.

“No, God no, Noah. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t… shouldn’t have…” Luke was the one almost gasping now. He took a moment, calming himself. Deep breaths, Snyder. Deep breaths. “Are- are you okay? Do you need me to do anything? Get anything? A glass of water or…?”

Noah shook his head, staring downwards, flexing the fingers on his right hand. “I’ll be okay.”

Luke prayed to every God that had ever been prayed to that that was true. “Alright.” He twitched a little then, unable to stop himself. “God, baby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that, I-”

“It shouldn’t have,” Noah interrupted quietly. His voice, his face, was stony. Luke wondered for a second just who- or what- Noah was angry at. “It shouldn’t have.”

“Noah…”

“You kissed me. That’s the… the feeling I love most in this world, Luke. And I’ve missed it so much. But you kissed me tonight and I-I got so scared that he was… that I’m…” he trailed off, shaking his head jerkily. “I’m sorry,” he said again, choking on the words so it sounded more like a sob.

Luke was dying to touch him, but wasn’t sure what would happen if he did. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” He inched closer until he was sitting next to Noah, his own back against the wall. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I did, I wasn’t thinking.” They sat like that for at least a minute. Luke never realized how long a minute actually was when you were hyper-aware of every second passing. He looked over at his boyfriend, and was startled to see tears slowly trailing down his face. “Noah…”

Noah turned towards him without looking up and leaned into Luke’s open arms. He shook, trying to keep his crying inside as much as possible. Luke held him against his chest gently, unsure of where he could put his hands so he wouldn’t cause another panic attack. He settled for linking them on top of Noah’s shoulder, and Noah rested against him.

Luke blinked back tears of his own at how tense Noah still was, and then he began to wonder if Noah was letting him touch him now for Luke’s sake more than his own. He hoped that wasn’t true, but part of him wouldn’t have been surprised.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I love you,” he whispered over and over again. Just as he had when Noah had been delirious with fever. Just as he had when he had stopped Noah from shooting Alan. He wasn’t surprised that tears were running freely down his own cheeks now. When was the damn universe going to stop messing with his boyfriend?

Gradually Noah relaxed against him, and didn’t pull away. They sat there, facing the window, watching the sunrise. Both of them secretly hoping that the brand new day was going to be better than the last couple had been, and both of them even more secretly wondering if they had been kidding themselves this whole time.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Janet looked up from shutting the oven when the screen door swung open. “Morning!” she called out as Holden entered.

“Morning,” he answered, pulling off his work gloves and jacket. “What are you making now?”

“Homemade tuna melts!” she said happily, always at her best when creating something new in the kitchen. Especially something new that she could share with other people. “Noah didn’t eat much of anything for breakfast, and I know this is his favorite sandwich, so I’m hoping he’ll be tempted for lunch…”

Holden nodded, his face clouding over for a moment at the mention of Noah. “He already gone for therapy?”

Janet sighed, tucking some stray hair back behind her ear. “Luke drove him out not too long ago. And, honestly, I don’t know which one of them looked worse.” She shook her head. “Jack should be back by lunchtime too, he said he wanted to be here for when the boys get back.”

Holden nodded absent-mindedly. “That’s good.”

Janet wanted to ask what was wrong with him, she really did, but another matter that had been stewing in her head for a few hours begged to be talked about first. “Hey, can I ask you about something?”

Holden shook himself free of his own thoughts. “Sure,” he walked over to the kitchen table, settling down with a tired sigh.

Janet came over with two glasses of lemonade, giving one to him before taking the seat next to him. “It’s about Jack.” When Holden’s expression turned confused, Janet shook her head again and tried to smile. “It’s just… I’m glad he’s helping Noah, and Luke, I really am. I’m glad he cares so much. I love both those boys to death, I understand why he…”

Holden’s eyebrows were drawn together, not seeing what Janet was trying to get at. “But?”

When Janet looked back at Holden, there was a glaze of tears in her eyes. “He cares so much about helping Noah, Holden. He’s really worried for him, I can tell.” She took a deep breath, placing her hands flat on the table, as though she were laying out all her cards. “Was Noah raped?”

Holden sat back, drawing in a breath of air sharply. Janet was nothing if not direct, he should have known that by now. The thing was, Holden had gone through a strange sort of denial since Susan had told them about Noah’s condition. He either tried not to think about it at all, burying it deep, or he forgot that not everyone knew and assumed no one wanted to talk about it. But the truth was there were only a handful of people in Oakdale who knew what had been done to Noah, and now here was one more.

The fact that he took a long time to answer seemed to deflate Janet a little bit. She sat back as well, one hand coming up to her face. “Oh God. Damn it damn it damn it-”

Holden shook his head, almost frantic in his need to say something that wasn’t so devastating. “He wasn’t. He wasn’t raped.” Now it was Janet’s turn to look confused, so Holden rushed to explain. “One of the men assaulted him, threatened him with it and probably attempted to… but he didn’t. And then at the hospital…”

“The one who almost escaped? Hurt Dallas Griffin? It was him?” Janet wasn’t sure how loud her voice was anymore. That part of her brain that controlled volume just wasn’t computing.

Holden nodded sadly. “He got into Noah’s room, tried again. If Luke hadn’t come in, he might have succeeded. Jack and I walk in, the guy has Luke by the throat. Noah somehow got Alan’s gun and almost shot him.” He looked straight into Janet’s eyes now. “But everything turned out alright- Alan’s locked up and Noah and Luke are here.”

Janet decided to find out Alan’s last name and feed it to some of her less-than-savory Italian family members. “This isn’t alright, Holden. Noah’s not eating or talking and Luke is pretty much logging and monitoring every breath Noah takes… Neither of them can sleep without the other one being in the same room!”

“And I know all this, okay? But there’s nothing we can do until the boys starting getting help themselves. Believe me. I’ve tried to talk to Luke, but we both just made a big mess of it. Now he’s barely even speaking to me,” he sighed a little, needing a change of subject. No matter what it was. “Tell me why you wanted to talk about Jack.”

Janet was trying to calm herself down, her hands now itching to get back to the stove and cook something. “No. I get it now. Why Jack’s becoming so involved in it, why he’s so worried about Noah.” She stood up abruptly and went back to her safe zone. Her happy place. The kitchen. She refused to look at Holden anymore, even though she couldn’t focus on the words written on the recipe card through her tears. “He understands.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“It’s not stupid, Noah…” Marcus said again, fighting to keep his voice even. Again. He bit the inside of his cheek when his patient just shook his head, avoiding eye contact at all costs. It had been like this for the last twenty minutes, since he had tried to talk to Noah about the cabin.

The first forty minutes had been fine, relatively. He and Noah had just talked, getting to know each other. Well, he had talked and asked questions and Noah had given very short answers. But that was to be expected after Noah’s ordeal, so Marcus wasn’t concerned. (Not about that, at least…) And he had learned some very interesting facts about the kid.

He had a huge fear of sharks after seeing one attack a dolphin while he was living in Hawaii, he was nearly fluent in Japanese and Spanish and could hold his own in German, his favorite Rat Pack members were Dean Martin and Lauren Bacall (Marcus was shocked that he even knew the members of the 1950’s Pack), he preferred college basketball to the NBA, and an Army major who lived next door to him when he was sixteen taught him how to hotwire cars, though Noah had yet to try on his own. He loved Luke Snyder and the entire Snyder family more than he could possibly say, and he had probably the greatest taste in films of anyone Marcus had met under the age of fifty.

“I just… I don’t know what you want me to say,” Noah said oh-so-quietly. His left hand was squeezing his right tightly, and he had pretty much worn a hole through his lower lip with his teeth. Marcus was actually surprised there wasn’t any blood.

He didn’t try to smile gently at Noah. He didn’t try to move into the boy’s eyeline. He didn’t try to push Noah or pretend he knew all the answers. “That doesn’t matter. I want to know what you want to say. We both know you should be here and you need help. Just showing up was enough a few days ago, that was the first step. You proved to me- to both of us- that you could do this.” His encouraging expression grew a little stern. “That’s not enough now. Now you have to work with me.”

Noah looked at him, startled by the doctor’s blunt reply. He found himself appreciating it, but it still didn’t mean he was ready to lie down on a couch and tell his life story or interpret his dreams about playing chess with Hitchcock or stare at inkblots. No way was it that easy. “Is talking about anything really going to change what happened? Make it better?”

Marcus did smile a little then. “Those are two different things. First of all, no. Nothing can change what happened to you. It’s horrible but true. But you can make yourself better. Not ‘you’ you, but how you react to things, how you feel about yourself. And the first step? Is talking to me about these things.”

“I can’t,” Noah mumbled, starting to glare in the older man’s direction.

“Why not?”

“Because,” he was fidgeting again.

“Not good enough,” he reminded. “Tell me why you can’t talk about it.”

“If you’re such a good therapist, you should be able to tell me,” Noah snapped, a look of shame passing over his face immediately after. But only for a second, then he resumed his defensive glare.

Marcus just kept studying him. “Wrong. If I was such a good therapist, I should be able to get you to tell me. And I am that good.” Noah’s glare intensified, and Marcus welcomed it. Anything to keep the boy fighting, keep him present instead of closed off and silent.

“And just like that? Just like that, I tell the whole damn story, and… and what? The sun shines through the clouds and birds sing and life is one big Disney movie?” A leak had started in his brain, and now Noah couldn’t stop himself from talking. It was starting to hurt his throat. “You said it yourself- nothing’s gonna change what happened. Nothing’s gonna change me.”

“Actually, I said those were two different things. But if you believe this, then why are you here?” he asked, very curious to see how Noah would answer.

The young man deflated a little, settling back in his chair a little more. “I’m just… so tired. Everything makes me tired.” It felt like he was trying to smile, but Noah couldn’t be sure what his face actually looked like. “And I’m worried.”

“About what?”

The next leak of words came out in an emotionless rush. “I’m going to hurt Luke or his family. I’m going to freak out again and do something stupid and they’re going to realize they shouldn’t be around me, I shouldn’t be a part of-” Noah shook his head, cutting himself off. His arms unconsciously wrapped around himself protectively.

“Let’s go back to the ‘again,’” Marcus decided to put off the rest until later. An inch at a time, he knew, was the only way they could do this. “Freak out ‘again.’ When did you freak out?”

Noah was fidgeting and biting his lip once more. “I-I don’t…” he took a very slow, very deep breath. It was the first thing that Marcus had taught him that actually seemed to break through that shell. Breathing exercises were always something Marcus relied on to get through to a patient, to show that it was possible to get out of a panicked situation, to get some semblance of control over yourself if nothing else.

Noah’s eyes were fixed determinedly on his sneakers. They were very nice sneakers, almost brand new, and Marcus wondered who had bought them for him. Because from the little he had seen of Noah, even he knew that the kid wouldn’t buy something so nice for himself. It was a luxury, and Marcus was beginning to understand just how much luxury Noah had done without in his life so far. He watched Noah’s lips move ever so slightly, repetitively. “What number are you on?” he asked quietly.

“Twenty-seven,” Noah answered almost immediately just as quietly, almost trance-like. He was counting slowly in his head until he felt he was in control again. Marcus was relieved to see the seemingly simply exercise was working. Finally, Noah answered, eyes still cast downwards. “Luke kissed me last night. It was nothing special-” he grimaced inwardly there. Poor choice of words. Every kiss from Luke was special. “It was the first real kiss since… since this. And for like a second, it was amazing.”

The look of wonder on Noah’s face actually warmed Marcus’s poor old heart. Ah, young love. Marcus missed that. He was almost dreading the outcome of this story. “And after that second?”

He shrugged. “I wasn’t there anymore. I was in the basement again. And the chains were around my arms and my hands were numb and everything else hurt and he was… was…” His skin was pale and flushed at the same time. “And I don’t know what I did, but somehow I’m on the other side of the room and Luke is crying and apologizing. Because of something I did. I made him cry, and now he’s scared to touch me, to say the wrong thing… I made him scared of me.” He pressed his hands tightly against his own eyes, trying to hide from everything. Trying to tell himself to shut up. Since when did he talk so much? (Since when did anyone listen?)

“Deep breaths,” Marcus reminded gently. Noah nodded, his hands falling away and his eyes closing for a little while. When he was calmer, Marcus continued. “How much are you going to hate me when I say that it’s a normal reaction?”

“A lot,” Noah replied with barely any hesitation. He opened his eyes, the blue even brighter than usual. “It’s not normal. If it was normal, I wouldn’t be here. Is that how you normally react when someone kisses you?”

“No,” Marcus responded, waiting to see where Noah was going with this.

“Me either. So telling me it’s normal? That means nothing. Because whatever it is, it’s hurting Luke and I can’t do that anymore.”

“Why is what’s hurting Luke more important that what’s hurting you?”

“Because I’m not-” and then Noah shut down again, biting his lip and giving his sneakers another study.

“You’re not what?” Marcus prodded. But Noah just shook his head. Marcus watched him for a moment. “Do you think what happened in the cabin was somehow-”

Noah’s head shot up, and he glared once again at Marcus. “Do you know what happened to me?”

Marcus was actually thrown for a moment, it was a surprisingly intimidating glare. He wondered if Noah got it from his father. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” he finally answered.

Noah shook his head out of pure frustration this time. “No. Not the Psych 101 crap. You know what actually happened.”

As always, honesty was best. “Yes. I’ve read the medical and police reports and the testimonies of the men arrested.”

The men arrested. One of whom was his own goddamn father, though nobody seemed to mention him anymore. Noah wondered briefly if he was still even in the Oakdale police station. As if it actually mattered where Winston Mayer was- he seemed to be good at causing damage no matter how far away he happened to be.

All of a sudden Noah was angry at the world. At himself for reverting back to this- he really had thought he was getting better after moving to the farm- at everything in the universe. Was there someone he could apologize to? Whatever he had done wrong to deserve all of this, he was sorry. So, so sorry.

He could feel his glare at Dr. Weston weakening. He really was so tired. “Do you know how it feels? What it was like… what it’s still like?” He thought he’d be better by now, but he was still weak. Frayed at the edges. Damaged.

Marcus had an idea of where Noah was going with this, and it disappointed him. He had a feeling the session would be ending soon, and knew he’d be spending the better part of tonight praying that there would be a second appointment. “No, Noah. I don’t know what it’s like. I’ve never been through anything like that. I dare say not many people have experienced what you have.”

Noah nodded as though Marcus had just proved an important point. “So how do you know what’s going on inside my head? How can I… how can I trust what you say?”

Trust was something Noah obviously didn’t give out very easily. Marcus was kind of surprised that a boy so purposefully closed-off and quiet seemed to mesh so well (and so often) with the conglomerate that was the Snyder family of Oakdale, Illinois. “Because it’s my job to help you, I have no sinister motive. I’m here so you can figure out a way to trust people and trust yourself. To be yourself again. Do you believe me when I say that?” He looked hard at Noah. “Do you believe that there is a way out of this?”

Noah looked at him, looked at the photographs on the wall, and then let his eyes wander up to the clock hanging the far corner. His lips curled upward, but there was no way that Marcus could ever call that pained look a smile. “Time’s up,” the young man said calmly with a nod to the clock, everything in him devoid of emotion.

This time it was Marcus that shook his head. No, no, he couldn’t let the session end this way. “Noah…” But he was too late. The door was open and shut so quickly that the doctor barely had time to register it happening. And then suddenly he was alone in his empty and quiet office, as though the last hour and a half hadn’t happened at all.

As though nothing had changed.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He didn’t speak to Luke on the ride back. It wasn’t in an ignoring or vindictive way, he just had no energy left to talk. He tried to want to, because he knew talking was one of Luke’s favorite activities. But Noah’s head was in a fog right now from all the thoughts and emotions that his first therapy session had stirred up in him.

He had said a lot, more than he thought he would. All of that baggage was now out of his brain and out of his mouth, but now it was following him around like a personal storm cloud over his head. Or a cloud of dirt, like Pigpen. That felt appropriate. And every time Luke glanced over at him, worried and guilty, Noah hated himself just a little bit more. It wasn’t Luke’s fault his boyfriend was so messed up!

And now Noah was on his way to the pond again. He kind of hoped they’d let him stay down there during lunch, but he doubted it. It was getting harder and harder to avoid meals with everyone. He’d rather not eat than have to deal with everyone being awkward and upset because of him and his problems.

He took up the same position he had been in yesterday, in the same spot. He stared out, watching the gentle movement of the water, the swaying of the trees on the other side pond. Here, Noah felt the calmest that he’d been in a long time. He breathed in deeply, trying to inhale every possible breath of air the farm had to offer. It really was the most beautiful, peaceful place in the world. Having lived in several different countries on several different continents, Noah felt comfortable saying that.

He continued the slow and deep breaths, listening with half a brain as a handful of horses whinnied in the nearby pasture. The other half of his brain was shocked that Dr. Weston’s breathing exercises were actually working. Score one for the shrink, I guess. Noah really had no idea why he called him a shrink, when ‘doctor’ sounded more respectful. Probably because all the cool guys in movies used the term ‘shrink.’

The sound of approaching footsteps caused Noah to tense up again. He realized, ashamed, that he was kinda hoping it wasn’t Luke. He was so afraid of hurting him (more) right now, and he was starting to worry that Luke would blame himself when Noah didn’t get better immediately. Luke didn’t exactly have the patience of a saint (in fact, an untrained beagle puppy with ADD was what came to mind). Noah loved him, but he didn’t know if he could handle Luke’s disappointment when things didn’t work out the way he wanted them to, especially since-

The person settled down next to him, just like yesterday. And just like yesterday, Noah turned to see Jack sitting there, looking out at the pond. There was a plastic bag in his hand, and when he caught Noah looking at it questioningly, he tossed it over. “It’s for your friends. Probably a better meal for them than yesterday.”

Noah couldn’t have been more confused. And when he opened the bag and found a loaf of bread, he just felt stupider. What? He looked at Jack again, who grinned and nodded his head towards the pond. Sure enough, a bunch of ducks (the same ones?) were making their way closer to the bank, heading straight for him.

He couldn’t help but smile when they toddled over to him, waiting just a few feet away. A couple ducklings dared to come closer, probably remembering Emma’s cookies. He pulled out a few slices of bread and began tearing them up. After a second’s hesitation, he offered a few pieces to Jack. The man’s grin softened as he accepted the bread, and then the two of them faced the pond again, tossing bits out to the flock in front of them.

“How was therapy?” Jack finally asked, still very carefully watching the ducks. Very carefully not watching Noah. “Think you’re gonna go back?”

Noah thought about shrugging- it was his first instinct- but decided he owed it to this guy to actually answer for once, considering he had been all but silent around the man since being rescued. “I guess I have to.”

“But you don’t want to,” Jack guessed.

This time Noah couldn’t help but shrug. “I know I need help or whatever, but… I just don’t know if I can get it from him. He hasn’t been through… How can he tell me how I’m supposed to feel?”

Jack was silent, tossing away some more of the bread. “I hate to break it to you kid, but I don’t think you’re gonna find that many people on this planet who have been through what you’ve been through. It may be time to give that up as an excuse.”

“Excuse?” For some reason, Noah couldn’t get as defensive around Jack as he had with the therapist. Maybe because Jack was a Snyder…

“You have to face up to a lot, Noah. You’re going to have to admit some things to the doc and to yourself- recognize that what happened really did happen.” Jack grew more serious as Noah continued to avoid looking at him. “Why you’re feeling so messed up right now is because of your father and Alan. You have to talk about them to move past them.”

Noah couldn’t hide the flinch at the mention of that. Of them. “Why is talking about it the cure-all for moving on? Is talking going to make me feel any different?”

The older man shrugged. “Nothing else seems to be working, is it? Might as well give it a try.” He paused for a second, taking a slow breath. In the back of his brain, Noah wondered if Jack was doing a breathing exercise. “Noah. I understand what you’re saying about Dr. Weston not knowing where you’re coming from. I do. So if you do need someone to talk to who can… relate…” He looked straight at Noah’s face, even though it was still turned away from him. “You can talk to me.”

Noah swallowed heavily, the rest of his body stilling. He even dropped the bread in his hand, though it didn’t stop one very brave duckling from darting forward to grab it from his suddenly numb fingers.

It took a few more seconds before Noah could turn to look at Jack, and the look of hesitant begging on the kid’s face made Jack want to gather him up in the biggest bear hug he could. But instead he looked straight into Noah’s eyes, genuine and calm, and began to speak. “A few years ago I was married to a woman named Julia…”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Re-shouldering the heavy duffel bag, Luke entered the kitchen to the familiar smell of a home-cooked meal. He went through his normal routine of pausing in the doorway and smelling the air before stepping all the way in and letting the door shut behind him. “What’s for dinner?” he called out without even glancing around.

“Pot roast and green bean casserole,” came the answer. But it wasn’t Grandma. Luke turned slowly, watching as his dad carved up the roast on the stove. They were alone in the kitchen. Uncomfortably so.

Luke hadn’t apologized to him yet. After Noah’s panic attack last night, Luke had been too wrapped up in getting him back to sleep and then getting him to therapy to remember to talk to his dad. And then Noah had been so quiet after his appointment, and then had disappeared before Luke could talk to him…

He focused back on his dad now. He had to say something, something about their fight yesterday. “Okay. Sounds good.” What? Lame, Luke Snyder, totally lame.

“Where’ve you been?” Holden asked casually, barely blinking an eye at Luke’s current lack of verbal skills.

“Oh, um…” Luke dropped the duffel bag under one of the chairs, kicking it out of the way for the time being. “I stopped by Noah’s dorm, got some more of his stuff, some DVDs, his laptop.” Noah hadn’t even mentioned missing his movies or the latest film project he’d been working on. Of course, what was Noah talking about these days? Luke tried to push the worry away again, but he couldn’t, and that made him anxious and snappy. “Is that okay? Or is it smothering Noah too much?” Wow, he hadn’t meant to say that.

Holden barely reacted. “Probably a good idea, it’d be good to give him some familiar comforts.” Luke flushed red, but couldn’t take back the words. Even though part of him was dying to tell Holden about what had happened last night, he didn’t want to admit that Holden had probably been right about him and Noah.

So instead he kept quiet, watching his dad finish carving up the roast and set it on the kitchen table. “Noah’s still at the pond,” he told his son. “Jack’s with him, though. He’s okay.”

Luke just nodded, setting the table. “Good.” God, why couldn’t he just talk to his dad? He’d always been able to do that, no matter what. Holden was always the best at being a good listener (besides Noah), so why couldn’t he-?

“Are you okay with that? Jack and Noah talking?” Holden ventured.

“God, Dad, I’m not trying to shut Noah up in a padded room and keep him for myself!” Luke burst out. “At this point, as long as Noah is talking, to anyone, I’m happy.” Why was he getting so worked up over this? Both he and his dad wanted the same thing, they both wanted Noah healthy. So why was Luke getting so upset? Was there something wrong with him now?

Holden sighed heavily, rubbing a hand against the side of his forehead. “Luke, I didn’t mean-”

The phone ringing interrupted him, its tone sounding so much more harsh in this environment. Holden glanced at it, obviously deciding whether or not to answer it or let the machine pick it up.

Luke picked up the duffel bag again, glad for the distraction. “I’ll put this in Noah’s room. Be right back.” He hurried up the stairs without another word, kicking himself mentally with every step he took. It was like watching from outside his body, he couldn’t stop himself from getting upset. And the fact that he couldn’t control it scared him a little. He needed to get himself under control so he could be there for Noah. Noah was what was important, not some teenage angst he was having with his dad.

By the time he got back downstairs, Luke resolved to apologize to his father, tell him everything. Noah’s panic attack, his own mild freakouts, everything. He needed Holden. He came back down the stairs, an repentant look on his face. “Dad…” But then he stopped.

Holden had just hung up the phone and was staring at it as he placed it back on its cradle. His face was pale and very, very still.

“Dad?” Luke hurried forward, searching him for any clue. “What’s wrong?”

Holden cleared his throat, looked remorsefully over at his son. “Luke. That was Margo.”

He swallowed heavily. God, what now? “Yeah?”

Holden glanced around the kitchen, at the perfect picture presented at the kitchen table- the beautiful wooden table, checkered tablecloth, a home-cooked meal set on top. “She’s at the police station. It’s about Noah’s father.”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Luke and Noah talk, Marcus helps Noah realize some things about his past, some friends show up to cheer up the Snyder farm...

Chapter 12: Twelve

Summary:

Luke and Noah talk, Marcus helps Noah realize some things about his past, some friends show up to cheer up the Snyder farm.

“It’ll never be over,” Noah murmured, still so distant. He wasn’t even listening anymore. He was slipping away from Luke. From everything.

“It can be,” Luke replied, trying to keep the desperation out of his tone. He scooted the tiniest bit closer. “Look at me, Noah. Just look at me, not him. Come on.”

Noah shook his head, but Luke could see him bite his lower lip, wincing slightly. His Noah was in there somewhere, hiding and scared. But to him, Alan was still a threat, and Noah was going to keep his guard up for as long as possible.

“It is over, Noah. Just put the gun down. You don’t want to do this. You don’t want to… hurt someone.” He couldn’t say kill. He couldn’t. “You’re not like him, and you’re not like your father. You’re better than all of them.” Did Noah just lower the gun a little?

Luke continued, talking faster. If Noah pulled that trigger, there’d be no coming back from that. “You’ve already done enough. He’s caught, okay? I’m safe. I’m right here. Let Jack take him.” He couldn’t believe his Noah, his sweet, dorky, brings-flowers-to-Emma-every-Sunday Noah, was about to shoot someone. If he did this, Luke would lose him, forever. “Please, love. Please.”

Noah took several deep, slow breaths, blinking furiously. And then pulled the trigger.

“Noah!” Luke was frozen. Jack and Holden stood shocked next to the door. In fact, the only movement in the room was Alan’s now lifeless body sliding to the ground. Blood everywhere. Noah tracked its movement with cold eyes that were just as dead. “Noah…” Luke choked on his name.

Noah turned to Luke and looked at him, studied him as though he’d never seen Luke before and never would again. “You can’t save me, Luke.” Then he turned the gun on himself-

Luke shoved himself upwards with a gasp, sat there until the shudders wracking his body slowed down enough for him to think.

It was just a dream. It was just his nerves getting the better of him, because Noah hadn’t said if he was going to go back for another therapy session. It was from fear, having had to deliver that awful news to Noah about the Colonel and not knowing how he would react. It was from worry, because Noah hadn’t made an appearance in his bedroom tonight. It was a bad reaction from dinner, eating too much of Grandma’s stuffing as though that would make up for Noah not eating enough. It was just a dream.

He needed to see Noah. Now. He purposefully didn’t wonder if it was for Noah’s sake or his (since he already knew that answer). Instead he leaped out of the bed, pausing to change out of his sweat-soaked shirt and into a clean one, and hurried down the hallway to Noah’s room. The empty bed inside did nothing to ease his panic, and soon enough he was scrambling down the steps like Ethan and Natalie on Christmas morning. Where was he?!

His feet hit the cold wooden floor of the kitchen, but Luke couldn’t feel it. He could hear faint sounds coming from the den, so he took a chance and burst through the doorway. Noah was asleep on the couch, curled up with those long legs tucked in close to his body.

The TV was on, set to some old black-and-white movie Luke couldn’t even be bothered to make fun of right now. The grayish glow from the screen cast a strange light over Noah’s face, making his pallor look even worse than it should. But he was there. He was alive.

Luke breathed a sigh of thanks that was so loud and exaggerated it would have been comical in any other circumstance. “Jesus…” his legs started to wobble a little, weak with relief.

“Luke?” He jumped, startled, and realized someone else was in the room with Noah. Holden had been sitting back in a big comfy chair that he had pulled close to the couch, but now he was leaning forward, looking over his son with concern. “What’s wrong? You okay?”

Luke couldn’t answer for a moment, still staring at the scene. His dad was watching over Noah. Just like he had in the hospital. Tears started to pour out of his eyes unbidden. Noah was okay. He was being looked after. But now Luke wasn’t sure why he was so upset. Was it because Noah was okay without him? That Noah hadn’t needed to be in Luke’s bed to fall asleep tonight? Had Holden been right all along?

“Hey.” Luke almost jumped again when a hand touched his shoulder. He hadn’t even seen Holden stand up from the chair. His dad looked him over for a moment, and something in his expression shifted. He squeezed Luke’s shoulder and propelled him back towards the kitchen. “Come on, let’s talk for a little bit. Noah’ll be okay here.”

The second they sat down at the table, the dam burst on what was left of Luke’s self-control. And not just any dam, this was like the Hoover Dam of emotional outpouring. Luke had never simultaneously cried so hard and so quietly in his life. He felt Holden’s arms go around him and pull him close, and Luke was suddenly on the other end of the embrace he’d been giving Noah for days. “I’m sorry,” he managed to whisper.

Holden’s grip tightened just a little. “Me too, kiddo. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise. I promise.”

They stayed that way for some time, until Luke felt steady enough to sit back, wiping at his eyes. “How long has he been asleep?”

Holden shrugged. “About an hour. He’s not talking, of course, but I get the feeling it’s more him processing this, not shutting down.”

“He hasn’t said anything about his dad,” Luke traced the lines of wood on the table with still-shaking fingers.

“You sound surprised,” his dad remarked wryly.

He sighed heavily, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms. “At this point, nothing should surprise me, I guess. The only thing missing from all this is a natural disaster. A tornado. F5. Or we could make it a Greek tragedy- someone could be struck blind.”

“I vote Henry. Have you seen the shirts he wears?” Holden attempted to play along. They both smiled for a moment before Holden leaned forward again. “Luke, I’m sorry if I-”

“No, no, no, no, Dad. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’ve been so tense and angry about everything and I took it out on you.”

“It’s okay-”

“You have to know I appreciate everything you’ve done for Noah. Everything you’ve done for me and Noah. Not just now… you were the first one to accept us and treat us like… like a legitimate couple. And I love you for that, and I know Noah does too.”

“Luke-” Holden was smiling again, but Luke had to keep talking.

“And you’ve always looked out for me and never given me a reason to doubt how much you care about me and I just dumped every frustration I had on you and that wasn’t fair.” Luke’s eyes begged for forgiveness, for understanding.

The funny thing was, Holden had given it to him years ago, maybe from the moment he was born. “Luke. It’s okay. This situation hasn’t been easy for anyone. You’ve been so worried about Noah, you haven’t taken the time to deal with it yourself.” He grew serious again. “You need to.”

Luke was solemn now as well. “I know.” He wasn’t going to cry again, damn it, he wasn’t. “You were right. You were so right. I can’t fix Noah just by being with him. I thought I could. I thought that it was enough, that I was-” he shook his head. The last image of his nightmare, Noah pointing the gun at himself, saying he couldn’t be saved… “I hurt him last night. I didn’t mean to,” he said hurriedly as Holden grew concerned, “but I just wasn’t thinking and I pushed him too far. He panicked, and now…” Another slow breath. Admitting this part out loud was going to hurt. “Now I’m scared that whenever I kiss him he’s going to think of Alan.”

Holden rubbed at Luke’s shoulder, wishing there was some magic ‘Dad’ button he could press to make it all better. “Give him some time, and he won’t. He probably doesn’t now, Luke, but he’s still hurt from this and can’t help it if a flashback, or whatever it was, happens.” He sounded so sure of himself, Luke wondered how he did that. “He knows you, Luke. Sometimes I think he knows you better than I do.” A gentle smile as Luke flushed red. “And he loves you as much as you love him. As long as you two don’t lose track of that, you’ll be okay.”

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the tick of the old grandfather clock and the hum of the TV in the next room. Then Luke mock-glared at his dad. “How come you just didn’t say that in the barn yesterday?”

Holden glared right back. “Well where was your ‘you were the first to support us’ and ‘you’ve never given me a reason to doubt you’ and all that?” He playfully ruffled Luke’s hair, just like he used to do when Luke-the-adolescent had discovered the art of sarcasm all those years ago.

Luke laughed quietly, but then immediately sobered. “God, and I didn’t mean to say you were anything like the Colonel. You’re not. You’re so not. I’m so lucky to have you. What that piece of trash did to Noah, and what he did today…”

Holden waved the apology away. “It’s in the past, kiddo. You were upset and lashing out, like you said. May not have been the nicest thing you’ve ever compared me to…” Luke grimaced, so Holden continued on quickly. “But it’s not like I don’t understand what you’re going through, remember? When someone you love is hurt like that while you could do nothing to help, it makes you want to be in complete control of getting them better. You feel a responsibility, right?”

Luke suddenly felt so small. He nodded, eyes a little wide. “Because I couldn’t save him the first time,” he murmured.

Holden’s expression was so understanding that Luke wanted to time travel back to the barn the day before and punch Yesterday-Luke in the mouth. “Sometimes the recovery is just as hard as the ordeal,” Holden said, comforting and sure, his tone telling Luke that things still had a chance of being okay, not to give up hope yet. Luke studied his dad, smiling tiredly.

And just like earlier, the phone rang and interrupted them. But this time father and son were on the same side, and Holden felt much more at peace when he went to answer it. “That might be Jack,” he mentioned as he stood up. Jack had gone down to the station after he and Noah had gotten back from the pond and Holden and Luke broke the news about Winston.

Luke nodded absent-mindedly, his eyes (and brain) straying back to the den. He stood and walked passed his father, the two of them nodding and clasping each other’s shoulders briefly in newfound understanding. Luke let out a mental breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding when he saw Noah again. It was just a dream, Noah was okay.

No, not okay. Luke shook himself as he sat down on the floor next to the couch, right by where Noah’s head rested against the arm. He had to stop thinking about Noah as just having some physical injury that a band-aid and Neosporin could fix. Physically, Noah was healing. His cuts and bruises were slowly fading, his cough and the residual effects of pneumonia had all but disappeared, and if it weren’t for his still frail-looking frame and slightly gaunt appearance, a stranger could look at Noah and have no idea how hurt he was right now. But Luke knew. He really knew. It just wasn’t fair, none of it.

Noah sighed very very softly, squeezing his eyes shut tighter for just a second. Luke recognized these, the old telltale signs that he was close to waking up. He leaned in closer to his boyfriend, resting his chin on the couch cushion so his face was level with Noah’s. He watched with a smile as eyelids started to flutter open and Noah’s long body stretched out as much as possible, his big ol’ goofy feet momentarily hanging off the other arm of the couch.

When he really opened his eyes and drew his limbs in closer again, Noah looked up to discover a pair of warm brown eyes watching him. Not staring, thankfully, just watching. Staring eyes would have made him feel uncomfortable. Watchful eyes just made him feel safe. He watched right back, feeling his muscles relax one by one as the feeling of being surrounded by peace and Snyders permeated his brain.

“Hey,” his boyfriend whispered, chin still perched on the couch cushion near his own face.

“Hey yourself,” he mumbled back, smiling a little. He tried to sit up, but his body was so heavy. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep earlier, until Holden had suggested he take one of the sleeping pills Dr. Weston had prescribed for him. He hadn’t wanted to- he was scared he’d get fuzzy and confused and think he was somewhere he didn’t want to be- but Holden had just spoken calmly and rationally, promising to stay nearby so Noah wouldn’t panic. It was utterly embarrassing and indulgent, and Noah had kind of loved it.

And he’d been able to sleep, at least for a little bit. But then Luke had sat down next to the couch, and even drugged-up Noah could feel him there. And he’d wanted so badly to talk to Luke. He couldn’t remember why right now, but he knew he had screwed something up and needed to fix it. Luke was sad, and Luke wasn’t allowed to be sad. He shook his head when he realized Luke was talking.

Luke smiled wider. “You feeling any better?” he asked again.

Noah nodded out of habit. He honestly couldn’t really feel much of anything right now, but he was pretty sure nodding would make Luke feel better. And that was probably the first step in making himself feel better. “What time is it?” His mouth was really dry, and his tongue felt swollen and rubbery. Not fun. Part of him was craving a milkshake from Al’s. Until he remembered craving one while locked in the basement. Then Noah wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to enjoy one ever again.

Luke slid his eyes over to the wall clock, never moving his chin. “Almost one-thirty in the morning. You’ve been asleep since like midnight,” he inched a little closer, settling more comfortably against the front of the couch. He wasn’t touching Noah, and Noah kind of wanted that to change.

“Can you come here?” he asked timidly, unsure of what Luke’s reaction would be. Noah remembered now- last night they had been together together, and Noah had forgotten where he was.

“Here?” Luke parroted back. He looked confused and maybe a little worried, wondering how out of it Noah was.

Noah nodded, pressing his body back further into the couch so he only took up half the space. He laid his hand on the empty spot next to him. “Here.”

And then in the span of time it took for Noah to blink his eyes closed and open again, Luke was lying next to him on the couch, on his side, facing him. He still left as much space as he could between them though, which really only spanned about an inch and a half. Neither of them knew how to get past that last bit of air. It was a wall Luke was scared to break through right now. It was a wall Noah had never tried to climb.

But suddenly (maybe it was the sleeping pill) Noah really wanted to try. He made the first attempt. “I’m sorry I’m like this right now.”

Luke wanted to be upset by that, but his brain decided to focus on the ‘right now.’ Noah said ‘right now,’ like maybe he wouldn’t always be like this. A feeling Luke recognized as hope was starting to grow from his toes on up. “Hey. You aren’t ‘like’ anything. You’re you, and I love you. It’s okay. I’m so glad you’re here, and you’re with me, and you’re trying to get better…” He was trying, wasn’t he? “That’s what matters.”

Noah shook his head a little. “Not to me.” Him being hurt was hurting Luke. Where was the place where they could get better, and how were they supposed to get to it? Noah briefly wondered what Dr. Weston’s answer to that question would be…

Luke bit his lower lip, unconsciously mirroring Noah’s usual nervous action. He really wanted to kiss Noah right now. That used to be his best form of convincing Noah of something- shut him up by kissing him. Luke loved being right, and he loved winning arguments, and combining the two by kissing Noah was like the best thing in the world.

But the last couple days he had been wrong about so much, and kissing Noah last night had just seemed to make things worse. It left Luke feeling like he had no idea where he and Noah stood as ‘he-and-Noah.’ He decided to take a risk and try something. “You know what would make me happy right now?”

“What?” Noah’s voice was timid but also just a little eager.

It reminded Luke for just a second of Noah’s delirium in the hospital, when he asked Luke not to call his dad. It was sweet and painful all in one breath. He pushed past it. “I would be the happiest guy in the world, in the history of history, if you just took some time to worry about you for awhile. I want you to get better, because I think you can. I know you can.”

Noah’s brow furrowed as his befuddled brain tried to understand what Luke was saying. “Y-you want me to take some time?” His eyes widened a little, suddenly scared. “You want to-?”

“No! God, no. You’re stuck with me, love. I didn’t mean I wanted us to take a break. No way,” Luke tried very hard to keep his voice quiet, remembering his dad in the next room, his grandmother and cousins just upstairs. “I just want you to stop worrying about everyone else on the planet not named Noah Mayer, okay?”

He tentatively brought a hand up to trace Noah’s jaw line, his fingers scratching at the stubble, his thumb rubbing in short and quick motions on Noah’s cheek. “I’m going to be just fine. I want you to be fine too, got it? Quit being so freakishly selfless.” He smiled as he said it, hoping Noah knew he was teasing.

The slight, quirky smile on Noah’s mouth told him he got it. Though the smile quickly went away and was replaced with something more somber. “Just… just don’t let me push you away, okay? Because I need you. All of you.”

Luke took another risk. It felt like the wall was coming down, and he wanted to test it. Leaning an inch and a half forward, he kissed Noah right between his big blue eyes. “I already said it, babe. You’re stuck with me. With us. Believe it.” Thankfully Noah didn’t flinch or pull away. In fact, he was smiling a little when Luke settled back again. It gave Luke the courage to keep going. “Do you want to talk about your dad?”

This time Noah did cringe, but Luke was expecting it. He watched silently, one hand still resting warm and loving against his boyfriend’s face, as Noah lay there deliberating. When he finally met Luke’s gaze again, Luke saw nothing but conflict there. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about him. But… but that’s my problem, isn’t it? I don’t like to talk, because then I don’t have to think. Or I end up thinking the wrong things.” The sleeping pill was making him connect dots faster than his brain could draw them. But Luke was keeping up. (Because if anyone could relate to talking faster than he could think, wouldn’t it be Luke?)

That little bubble of hope was rising past Luke’s knee caps now, quickly filling his chest. They were on the verge of a breakthrough, standing on the edge of a cliff with their toes curling around the edge, ready to leap. Luke knew what he should say next, even though part of him wanted so desperately to be selfish right now. “You should tell this to Dr. Weston, love. I think you’re right, and I want to be the one to help you, I want to so badly, but he’s the one who can do it. Will you promise me you’ll go back for another session? Tell him what you just told me and let him work?”

Noah took a long time in answering, such a long time, that Luke felt the hope start to sink away. Until he nodded. Noah nodded, looking Luke in the eye. “I’ll go back tomorrow,” he said in such a small voice, Luke couldn’t help but reach forward and wrap him up in the strongest hug he could manage.

“I’m glad,” he whispered directly into Noah’s ear. He rested his forehead on Noah’s shoulder just as Noah did the same on his.

“You do, you know,” Noah said just as softly.

Luke frowned, eyebrows crinkling. “Do what?”

“Help me.” From his vantage point Luke could only see a tiny part of Noah’s face, but the part that he could see was blushing red. He couldn’t help but smile, and placed another quick kiss on the flushed skin.

“You help me too,” he kept it at a whisper as he felt Noah relax into the embrace. Noah drew his legs up as much as he could, halfway entangling them with Luke’s. More telltale Noah signs- this one saying he was about to fall asleep again. “You want me to stay with you till you fall asleep?” he asked for permission.

He felt Noah nod against him. And then there was the lightest, gentlest, most careful of kisses on the top of his head. “Always.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Marcus was scowling at his computer when Noah stopped in the doorway. He watched the doctor for a moment before tentatively knocking on the doorframe. “Dr. Weston?”

The man looked up quickly, glasses almost sliding off his nose. “Noah.” The scowl immediately switched to a pleased smile. “Come on in.”
Noah entered slowly, feeling embarrassed and having no idea why. He sat in the same chair as last time, sinking into the worn leather. “Is there something wrong with your computer?”

Marcus gave a frustrated grunt as he turned away from his desk, facing Noah, clasping his hands over his stomach in what Noah was beginning to recognize as Session Mode. “I think it knows I’m a senior citizen.”

Noah wasn’t up to smiling outwardly yet- he didn’t want to encourage Dr. Weston that much- but on the inside he couldn’t help but be a little amused. “The computer has an age bias?”

“Best explanation I can come up with,” the man shot back. “It’s some sort of curse, right? Only people under thirty can manage this i-stuff. Everything starting with that lowercase ‘i’ is just…” he shook his head.

Noah pursed his lips, contemplating what he was about to say and why the hell he was about to say it. “If you need help setting it up, I could do it later…”

If Marcus was surprised, he hid it well. “So that means you won’t just go running out of here in exactly one hour?”

He could feel the blush rising up his face. “I guess not.” He got into his own Session Mode: arms wrapped lightly around himself, slightly hunched over, staring at his sneakers. The ones Lucinda had gotten him for Christmas.

“Alright then,” Marcus’s tone went calm and even. “Let’s get started.” Noah nodded, readying himself. He knew what they were going to have to talk about today, there was no way Dr. Weston didn’t know what had happened. Someone had to have told him, right? “I’ll admit I’m a bit surprised you showed up today,” the doc continued. “You know, usually sessions are scheduled a week at a time. But I’m happy to meet with you whenever you’d like. I’m glad you’re here, I’m glad you want to talk.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to talk,” Noah murmured. “But I guess I’m trying to convince myself that I have to.”

Marcus nodded as well. “That’s a good start. Something happened yesterday, right? At the police station?” At Noah’s silence, Marcus leaned forward just a little. “You’re going to have to tell me what happened, Noah. Lieutenant Hughes just said there had been an incident. I didn’t ask her to elaborate because I was hoping you would do it for her. I need for you to be the one to tell me what happ-”

“My father tried to kill himself.” Noah was tempted to find a pin and drop it, see if he could hear it. It felt like even the clock in the room stopped ticking. He found himself staring at a photograph again, the same one that had caught his attention the first time he’d been here. The old one with the familiar-looking couple.

“He tried to kill himself?” Marcus echoed rather dumbly. He hadn’t been expecting that, Noah guessed. Noah hadn’t been expecting it either, when Holden had told him. He still wasn’t sure it was really real. “What happened?” Marcus prodded gently.

Noah shrugged, trying to appear casual. It’s no big deal, the guy who raised me and tormented me just decided he’d rather die than be in a world with me in it. “He tried to hang himself in his cell. Used the sheets off the bed. Two cops tried to stop him, and he…” Noah stopped, cleared his throat. “He killed one of them. Snapped his neck-” his voice cracked on the last bit, and Noah took a moment to gather himself. He bit his lip, shaking his head jerkily. Thank God it had been a cop he didn’t know. Oh great, Mayer. Way to be selfish when a man just died because of you.

“I’m so sorry, Noah,” the doctor’s voice seemed to carry from very far away. Noah nodded his acknowledgment but couldn’t look up yet. Marcus reminded himself not to sigh. “Where’s your father now?”

Noah couldn’t answer at first; he was trying to practice the breathing and counting exercises. He reached fifty, and finally felt like he wouldn’t pass out. “Still at the station, in isola- seclusion,” he corrected himself mid-word. Seclusion was the word the cops used, isolation was a military term. Isolation was the term his father used to say. “They have him under suicide watch, but apparently he hasn’t tried anything since. They don’t want to move him, just in case he tries something else.”

“What triggered it, if you don’t mind my asking?” Marcus was leaning back again, trying to give some semblance of space.

“I did.” Noah was staring at the photograph again. Who was that couple?

“What? How could you have triggered that?” Marcus brought his attention back to the present. “What makes you think that?”

“Margo told him I was out of the hospital, told him I was going to be okay and that I was staying with the Snyders. With Luke.” He tried to smile but it hurt too damn much. “I guess he didn’t take the news well. He was never that good at accepting failure.”

“What do you think he failed at?” Marcus questioned.

Noah gave a half-hearted chuckle. “Me. He failed at me.”

“What does that mean?”

“The whole reason he kidn- he took me to that cabin was to make us a family again. He was going to make me his son again, make me straight, make me… what I used to be.”

“And when Lieutenant Hughes told him about you…” Marcus tried to follow Noah’s train of thought, twisted as it sadly was.

“He found out he failed. He hadn’t managed to fix me, or rid the world of me, so…” Noah shrugged.

“Do you blame yourself for what he’s done?” Marcus had to ask.

Noah smirked darkly. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific.”

Noah’s smile might have been angry, but Marcus’s was sad. “For this latest incident. Him attempting suicide and killing the police officer. Do you think you’re to blame for it?”

Noah opened his mouth to say ‘no, of course not’ but found he couldn’t. He shut his mouth and opened it again, and again nothing came out. “Is… is it possible to feel a certain way even though logically you shouldn’t?”

Marcus nodded, taking it as a genuine question. “Very possible. We can’t help what we feel. I do think it’s possible to feel one way and think another. That almost seems normal to me.”

“Normal?” Noah couldn’t see that. Nothing about this was normal. But Marcus nodded encouragingly. “If you were just thinking- felt nothing- I’d be worried. If you weren’t thinking at all- had lost that part of you- I’d be worried too.”

Noah tried to digest that, but his brain had really turned to mush in the last twenty-four hours. There was just no possible way anything else could happen, because if it did… he might explode. He couldn’t take any more twists. Maybe that was another reason he liked movies- you knew at some point it would be over.

He shook his head again. “I know I didn’t make my dad the way he is. At least not on purpose. I know I didn’t make him kill that cop. I didn’t make him do any of the horrible things he’s done. But he did do them because of me, so in a way I’m responsible. For all of it.”

“All of it?” Marcus pressed.

The young man nodded, trying to fall back on the slow and deep breaths even as he continued talking. “He forced Charlene to leave us because he didn’t think she’d be a good enough mother for me. He killed her so I wouldn’t know her. He tried to kill Luke so I wouldn’t know him. He dictated so much of what I said and did for eighteen years, and I was never enough. I never found the right way to make him happy. I never got him to…”

“To love you?” Marcus finished for him.

“I couldn’t even get kidnapped right,” Noah spoke sardonically. “I was never what he wanted me to be.”

“Are you what you want to be?” Marcus’s next question surprised Noah.

“I don’t know yet,” he replied after a few moments of thought. He ducked his head as he did so, ashamed.

“I think that’s a wise answer,” Marcus surprised Noah. “Nobody has everything together. Anybody who says differently is selling something.”

“I’m not sure that’s going to convince me. That’s a quote from The Princess Bride,” Noah pointed out.

“Doesn’t make it any less true,” the doctor responded. “You reference movies a lot. You told me you want to be a filmmaker, is that your passion?”

“One of them,” Noah ran a finger along the seam stitched on the arm of the chair. He was thrown off a little by the change of subject.

“What’s another?”

“Luke,” he shrugged. He continued hurriedly. “I don’t… I don’t want to sound like one of those people who centers their whole life around their boyfriend-”

“I didn’t think you were,” Marcus threw in.

Noah kept talking anyway. “But Luke is… he’s more than my boyfriend. He’s given me more than that.”

“What’s he given you?”

“A family.” Noah was blushing again. “I’m not a Snyder, not really- I just don’t think I’m built that way- but there are times when… when I can pretend I am. When they make me feel like I’m a part of it.”

“Of what?” Marcus was smiling again.

“Of everything. There’s a chaos of like twenty people at one dinner table and everyone’s talking and laughing and happy. And I can forget that it’s not actually mine. I get to pretend I’m a Snyder.”

“Do you think they consider you a part of the family?”

“I’m Luke’s boyfriend,” Noah shrugged.

“That doesn’t really answer my question, does it?” Marcus pushed.

“I think it does,” Noah pushed right back.

“Okay, let me rephrase- do you think they should consider you a part of the family?”

The answer came immediately, quietly, and without thought, like he was on some kind of truth serum. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I… I’m a Mayer. It’s like a cursed name. Too much baggage.”

Marcus actually chuckled. “Noah, I’ve been living in Oakdale for about fifty-three years. Trust me when I say that the Snyder family is not without its own baggage.”

Noah didn’t see the humor right now. “Then they don’t need me around just to make it worse!”

“It might not be a question of need. Maybe it’s want.”

“Well I don’t want to hurt them.”

“How would you hurt them?”

“I don’t know yet. But it’ll happen. It’s what comes with being a Mayer. Being me.”

Marcus looked curious. “What, like predestiny? You don’t believe you control your own fate?”

Noah shook his head. “I wouldn’t go that far. It’s not about destiny, it’s… biology.”

“So who your father was dictates who you’ll be?”

He nodded. “He always has. Up until I came to Oakdale, he controlled every aspect of my life.”

“Up until Oakdale,” Marcus pointed out. “Don’t you feel like you’ve become your own person since then?” Going a step further, “Do you really think you’ll become like your father?”

Noah stared at the doctor, wondering if he was still breathing. One, two, three… He shook his right hand a little, flexing the fingers. “I don’t know,” he finally whispered. “I think I could be. It’s hanging over my head- everything I do, every decision I make, I wonder if it’s what my dad would do. And if it is or not, whether that’s a good thing…”

“That’s a lot to weigh on a person, Noah,” Marcus commented genially. He paused, deliberating on his next question. “Do you think anyone here thinks you’re like your father?” Noah shrugged. “Not good enough. Give me an answer.” Marcus winced inwardly then- he hadn’t wanted that to sound like an order.

Noah was looking off to the side. “Who is that?” he finally asked.

Marcus followed his gaze to a nearby shelf and the framed picture of a young couple. Therapists don’t sigh, he reminded himself again. “Noah-”

“I mean, the guy is you, right? Who’s the girl? Your wife?” Noah wasn’t budging at the moment.

Marcus grudgingly played along. “That’s me, yes. Two crazy kids who thought they were in love. Many, many years ago.”

“Thought? You didn’t love her?” Noah found it easier to dig deeper when he wasn’t the topic of conversation.

Marcus couldn’t help but sigh now, rules be damned. “We did love each other, but it wasn’t enough. For either of us. And it was a very long time ago.”

Noah was frowning as he examined woman’s face. “She looks happy. Is that-?”

“Noah.” Marcus shifted forward a little. “Come on, you’ve been doing so well today, don’t shut me out now.”

Noah closed his eyes. One, two, three… “Can we not talk about him anymore?”

“Sure,” Marcus compromised. “Is it okay if we go back to talking about the Snyders?” Noah shrugged, back to studying his shoes. “Do they treat you like part of the family?” He nodded. “Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know. I’m just a boyfriend,” he mumbled.

“Maybe they love you in your own right. Would that be so crazy?” Noah shrugged again, and Marcus let this one go. He had a point to make. “Plenty of people in this world find happiness, love, acceptance from people other than their own family. Do you think there are people in this town who truly care about you? I think there are. And not just Snyders- when you were a patient here, and know one knew how you were, you wouldn’t believe how busy that waiting room was. All shapes and sizes of people, wanting to know you were okay. Al’s Diner and Java sent over endless supplies of coffee and lunches. You were never left alone.”

Noah shook his head again. “What’s to stop me from saying they were just there for Luke?”

“You. You need to work on stopping that part of your brain, the ‘Mayer’ part, from taking over. And let the ‘Noah’ part thrive.”

Noah finally looked up, straight into Marcus’s eyes. It nearly took his breath away- the cynical, beaten down soul framed in innocence. “Is ‘Noah’ someone worth being?” he asked quietly, scared.

“I think so,” Marcus said calmly. “But that’s up to you to figure out. And right now,” he nodded to the side. “Time’s up.”

Noah’s breath escaped him like air leaving a punctured balloon. “Oh.” His head, for being so numb when he walked in, now felt anvil-heavy with thoughts and questions. He was going to need some time at the pond to sort through everything. Then he remembered something. “Do you still want help with your comp-”

Marcus waved him away, taking pity on the kid. “Show up early next time, then we’ll tackle that dratted machine. Okay?”

“Okay. Bye Dr. Weston, thank you,” he stood stiffly, as though he had forgotten how to use his body.

“Bye Noah,” Marcus smiled at the boy’s sense of propriety, obviously deeply ingrained in him. The smile faded at the thought of how and why it was so deeply ingrained. He heard voices then outside his door, recognizing Noah’s soft, hesitant intonation mixing with a strong, stark tone. Only one person in the world had a voice like that. He grinned when the door opened. “Hello Lucinda.”

“Well well, Dr. Weston. How does it feel taking up the proverbial pen and pad once again,” she teased as only she could.

He dipped his head in acknowledgment. “Well, retirement was just getting so boring. Not that you would know.”

“Or would ever want to darling, ever want to.” She took a step closer, staring him down from the opposite side of his desk. Suddenly he felt like the patient. “I just wanted to thank you. Again. Noah means a great deal to our family. If you can get him to realize that, we’ll forever be in your debt.”

“I’ll try my hardest,” he said sincerely.

She looked him up and down, nodded, and turned to leave. As she did, something on a nearby shelf caught her eye. “Good God, Marcus, I can’t believe you still have that picture.” She picked it up, smiling fondly for a moment before she remembered where she was and who she was with. “I have to take Noah back to the farm. Goodbye Marcus.”

“Goodbye Lucinda,” he was smiling, but no longer grinning. Goodbye indeed…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When Noah and Jack got back from the pond, Luke was at the porch waiting for them, very nervous. Literally wringing his hands, which made Noah smile. “What’s wrong?” he asked, knowing it couldn’t be too serious. When that happened, Luke was very still and quiet. This looked more like a classic Luke-Snyder-getting-worked-up-over-nothing scenario. Noah recognized the signs.

Jack obviously did too. He clapped Noah on the back with a smile. “Later, kid,” he said before heading to his car and driving off.

Noah wondered if he was going back to the station, going to see Noah’s father. They hadn’t really talked about him at the pond today, though Jack had promised to honestly answer any question Noah might have about the incident. Maybe later he would… He turned his attention back to his boyfriend. “Luke?”

Luke clicked his teeth together a couple times nervously. “Okay. Don’t freak out, but we have a slight change in plans for tonight.”

“No movie night?” Noah asked, confused.

“Well,” Luke hedged. “We are. Just, it won’t be just us.”

Noah nodded, not completely shocked. “Faith and Natalie?” He had been expecting them at some point, surprised they had allowed themselves to be kept away this long.

“No, no quite. Though they have been begging, pleading, and bribing anyone with wheels to let them come see you. No, um… I was talking to Jade while you were at therapy… And she- I don’t know how- but she and Casey and Ali are going to be here in an hour. I’m sorry!”

Now Noah was shocked. He hadn’t seen his friends since… since everything. He had vague, fuzzy memories of them in his hospital room at some point, but he hadn’t been aware enough to really interact with them. And now they were all on their way to the farm. Luke eyed him anxiously. “I can call them and tell them no, it’s really not a big deal, Noah.” The last thing he wanted to do was crowd Noah, cause him to retreat from the world again.

But Noah shook his head. “No, it’s okay, it’s okay. It’ll be good to see them.”

He had both hands on Noah’s shoulders, seeking out any hint that Noah was lying, playing brave. But Noah looked sincere. “You’re sure?”

Noah smiled tentatively. “Yeah. We’re… I’ve kind of been in a bubble here. I can’t hide away on the farm forever. I’m not Howard Hughes.”

Luke smiled, actually catching the reference. Thank you, Leonardo DiCaprio. “Good point. I don’t want a hermit for a boyfriend.”

Noah’s smile widened in return, his own hands coming up to hold Luke’s wrists lightly, warmly. “Besides, I don’t want to be the reason your friends can’t hang out with you.”

“Our friends. With us,” Luke corrected. And, surprisingly enough, Noah didn’t shrug it off. Luke kept his feet firmly planted on the ground so he wouldn’t accidentally jump for joy. Something good was happening with this Dr. Weston, Luke could feel it.

“Anyway,” Noah continued. “If I get tired or whatever we can always just wind Casey up and let him run around the room for a few hours till his batteries run out.” He didn’t smile, not with his mouth at least, but his eyes had more life in them than Luke had seen in a long while.

“Okay,” Luke agreed, still a little cautious. “Movie night, here we come.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Luke couldn’t hide his surprise when he opened the door- there was an extra person on the porch. “Hey,” he said to the group, though his eyes strayed again to the stranger- a guy about their age, cute and obviously nerdy. He looked back at Luke uncertainly, shifting his feet a little. Luke put on a welcoming smile. “Hi. I’m Lu-”

“Where’s Noah?” Jade and Ali asked in almost the same breath, pushing past him into the kitchen where Noah was overseeing the popcorn.

“-ke. I’m Luke,” he finished, shaking his head at the girls.

“Hunter,” the guy shook Luke’s outstretched hand. He and Casey followed Luke back into the house just as the girls finished hugging Noah, who gamely returned the embraces without looking uncomfortable or overwhelmed. Which is more than Luke could say for New Guy.

“Noah, this is Hunter. My brother,” Ali ushered him closer.

“Really?” Luke and Noah said at the same time in the same tone, as Noah shook the guy’s hand.

Ali waved a hand. “Long story.”

“They usually are,” Noah replied, smiling a little.

Hunter nodded, making even that small movement look awkward. “Alison told me you’re a big movie buff? So I brought this for us to watch, if that’s okay. I mean, we don’t have to, I just thought-”

“Hunter, buddy, we’ve talked about this. Mellow out,” Jade commanded with a familiarity that struck Luke. The four of them had obviously hung out before. Wow. Noah wasn’t the only one who was in danger of becoming a hermit.

He took the offered movie from Hunter, examining it. “The Final Sacrifice? I’ve never heard of-”

“The Final Sacrifice?!” Noah was over to him in two long strides, excitedly grabbing the case out of his hands. “Oh my God, no way! I can’t believe you own this. That’s awesome!”

“You know it?” Hunter smiled more genuinely.

Noah nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yeah. I mean, I haven’t seen it since Mystery-”

“Science Theater, yeah” Hunter spoke over him happily, moving closer, much smoother than before. “This is the original copy, one of my favorites.” Noah agreed animatedly, discussing some detail or another with Hunter, and Luke couldn’t help but grin at the tone. Welcome back, Film-Geek Noah. It’s been too long.

“Ohhhhhhhhkay let’s get this masterpiece started then,” Ali cut into the dork discussion going on, though she was smiling knowingly too. “Hunter and I will set this up. Jade, can you grab the popcorn?”

“Sure,” Jade took the bowls of popcorn from Noah without so much as a scowl in Alison’s direction. Luke was about to wonder what that was about when he realized he and Noah were now alone with Casey, who (shockingly) had yet to say a word.

Noah obviously realized it too. “Hey Casey,” he said softly, offering a smile. Casey just scrutinized Noah silently. Noah stood still, letting him. Luke looked back and forth between them, getting more and more concerned with each passing second. For Casey and for Noah, who he knew still didn’t like to be looked at for too long.

Just as he was about to say something, Casey stepped forward and pulled Noah into the tightest bear hug possible. Noah hugged him back just as fiercely, saying something in Casey’s ear so quietly that Luke couldn’t hear it. He felt tears spring to his eyes as Casey nodded to whatever Noah said and pulled back, wiping at his own eyes a little. Noah gave him a weak smile.

He tried to smile back. “Dude, you ever do that to me again and I will kick your ass,” he said a little hoarsely.

Noah laughed, shaky. “Promise.”

Casey shook his head. “I just, man Noah, I don’t-”

Luke stepped up next to them, one arm instinctively going around Noah’s waist. I’m here. “Casey. Stop being such a girl.”

And then he was Casey Hughes again. “Girl? Me? Dude, do you see this figure?” He struck a pose. Not quite as confident as he normally was, but close enough. “If I was a girl you wouldn’t find this remotely hot.”

Luke and Noah looked at each other. “Girl,” they said together.

“I’m pretty sure I resent that,” Casey shot back. He sobered for just a second. “Seriously, Noah, I’m-”

“It’s okay, Case,” Noah’s voice went soft, reassuring. “Thanks.”

“Hey,” Luke cut in again, not wanting Noah to get brought down from the good mood he was in. “None of that. It’s movie night, and we’re about to watch a really bad movie. We’re thinking happy thoughts right now, okay?”

Noah wrapped his own arm around Luke’s waist. “Yeah, sure thing, Tinkerbell.”

Casey smiled, but then paused contemplatively. “I can’t decide if that was a gay joke or not.”

Luke was about to respond when he paused just as suddenly. “Me either…” Noah shook his head, exasperated at the two of them, and Luke felt lighter than he had in weeks. They all filed into the den where the movie was waiting to be played and their friends were waiting for them. Jade was stretched out on the floor, while Hunter was sitting slightly nervous in the big easy chair Holden had left by the couch, which Ali was sitting on.

Casey took his spot next to her, and Luke sat down on the far end next to him. He smiled happily when Noah also settled on the floor next to Jade, leaning back so he rested against Luke’s legs. He couldn’t resist reaching out and drawing his fingers through Noah’s hair gently. Noah rested his head back farther, smiling a little. Luke realized then with a start that Hunter was watching them openly. “Uh…”

Casey shook his head, carefree. “It’s okay, we told him before we got here.”

“Okayyyy,” Luke drew the word out uncertainly, Noah now also looking back and forth between the couch and Hunter.

“I don’t have a problem with gay people,” Hunter said matter-of-factly.

“That’s… good…” Noah responded carefully. Luke wasn’t sure what to say. It was blunt, but obviously sincere as well.

Jade nudged Noah with her elbow. “Yeah, he takes some getting used to. But at least he’s honest, which is more than I can say for most men.”

“Amen to that,” Ali muttered.

“Hey!” four voices shouted out. They talked over each other and argued for a few minutes before Noah plaintively reminded everyone that the most awesomely bad movie was about to start.

As they settled back down comfortably, Noah now leaning back against the couch between Luke’s legs, Luke turned to Hunter. “For what it’s worth? We don’t have a problem with straight people.”

Hunter’s eyes widened a little, as if he hadn’t considered that possibility. “Thank you?” he finally said simply.

Luke grinned cheerily. Oh, he was going to have fun with this guy. “You’re welcome!”

Five hours, four geek discussions between Hunter and Noah, three bowls of popcorn, and two movies later- and having decided to get Holden to name his next horse Zapp Rowsdower, after his new favorite action hero- Luke realized that he and Casey were the only two people awake. Hunter was sprawled out in the comfy high-back chair, Jade was curled up next to the coffee table, and Ali had her head resting on Casey’s shoulder.

Noah was still on the floor in front of Luke, his head tilted to the side against one of Luke’s legs, breathing deeply. Normally Noah never fell asleep during a movie night- blasphemous!- but he was still recovering and Luke knew how exhausting a therapy session could be.

“Everyone out?” Casey spoke up quietly.

“I think so, let me check.” He called out very softly, “Orson Welles sucks.” Casey grinned as Luke waited for a response. When none came he shrugged back at Casey. “Noah’s asleep.”

“Good,” Casey cleared his throat, shifting a little. “The girls and Hunter… they don’t know everything that happened to him. I mean, only a couple people do, right?”

Luke bit his lip, closing his eyes briefly. Only a couple of people knew, and sometimes Luke wished he wasn’t one of them. “Right. You don’t have to reassure me, Case, I don’t think you’d tell anyone.”

“Thanks, but that’s not what I want to talk about.”

“What is?” he asked, turning to look at his friend, confused.

“I know what happened with his dad,” he whispered. “I knew the cop that was… and Mom told me the basic gist of it…”

Luke nodded. “Yeah, I figured news would start to spread about that.”

“How’d Noah take it?” Casey turned his concerned gaze to the figure still and silent in front of them.

Luke shrugged carefully, not wanting to move his leg at all right now. “As well as to be expected. Well, actually, better than I expected. I think his therapy stuff is really helping, you know?”

Casey sighed. “Good. That’s good. I’m glad.” Then he focused on Luke again. “How are you doing with all of this?”

He shrugged. “About the same as Noah, in that sense. But I’m kinda glad you brought this up, actually. I need your help with something.”

Casey nodded. “Dude. Anything. You know that.”

Luke found he was nodding as well. “Good. I need you to help me sneak into the police station.”

“What?!” Thankfully Casey remembered to keep his voice down, though it caused his voice to crack like a thirteen-year-old. “Why the hell do you want to do that?”

“Because I need to talk to him.” Luke’s eyes were lasered and determined. Snyder-stubborn, Casey liked to call it. Luke looked him square in the face. “Tomorrow. I’m going to go talk to Colonel Mayer.”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Casey actually doesn't want to go along with a stupid plan, Marcus wants Noah to talk about Alan, Luke has a chat with the Colonel...

Chapter 13: Thirteen

Summary:

Casey actually doesn't want to go along with a stupid plan, Marcus wants Noah to talk about Alan, Luke has a chat with the Colonel.

“I know this is going to be a bit of a shock coming from me,” Casey hissed through teeth clenched tight. “But… this is a really dumb idea!”

Luke shook his head. “I have to do this.” He wrapped his arms around himself tightly, telling himself it was because of the cold and not his nerves. He leaned back against the hood of the car, watching as Casey paced back and forth in front of him.

“See, the thing is, you really don’t. You don’t have to do this. This is, see, this is ’cause you’re crazy,” Casey’s hands flailed in the air a little bit as he spoke. “I mean, do you know how long the list is of people who will kill us when they find out what…? It’s long, Luke. Very, very long.”

“Casey-”

“Let’s start with my family. No, your family’s bigger, let’s start with yours. Holden will kill us. Then your mom. Then Lucinda and Emma. Then Jack. Then Jade. Hell, Faith and Natalie could probably kick our asses if they really wanted to. Which they will. Then my family, and oh, by the way, my mom’s licensed to carry a gun! Not to mention Ali, who could punish me in ways that would be way worse than death. And then-”

“Casey, I have to do thi-”

Casey’s glare cut him off. “I’m not finished with the list yet. Never mind the guy you want to talk to actually has tried to kill you. But the most important name on the list?”

“I know, Case…” Luke tried to get a word in. Was this what it was like for other people when they tried to talk to Luke? It must be exhausting.

Casey had lost the glare, but the look on his face was worse now- really sad, and way more somber than Luke could ever picture Casey being. “Noah. How is Noah going to react when he finds out? He can’t take much more drama, man. And I don’t know if I can do this to him. Can you?”

Luke’s eyes had closed before the rest of him even registered the motion. Casey made a very valid point, one Luke had gone over in his head a million times in the last twenty-four hours. He had gone back and forth so much, wanting to forget the idea whenever Noah smiled or looked at him with trust in his eyes, but then…

But then Noah would flinch at sudden movements. And wake up shaking from nightmares, trying to hide his sadness and fear from Luke. And he would pick at his food, eating just enough to keep Emma and Janet happy. And yeah, maybe therapy was helping. But Noah was still hurt, and it was because of that bastard being held here at the station.

“I have to,” he said again, hoping the simple sincerity would get through to Casey. “I have to. I have to make sure he knows he’s not going to be able to hurt Noah again. I have to be the one to do it, to get… to get closure.”

Casey shook his head. “You make it sound like you’re breaking up with him,” he mumbled, more out of habit than actual comedic effect.

But Luke appreciated the effort and tried to smile. “Noah’s at therapy. My parents are working. It’s the perfect time to do this. I get in, get out, and no one has to know.”

“I’ll have to know, Luke. I just don’t know if I can let you do this! This is, this is…” He shook his head again. Staring into Luke’s face, he let out a giant and heaving sigh. “There’s no way I’m going to talk you out of this, is there?”

“No way,” Luke confirmed, pushing himself up and off his car and towards the back entrance of the station. He briefly eyed the memorial to Hal Munson, and it made him think of Will. It made him think of Hal as a father to Will and Adam and Parker, and Will as a father to Hallie. It made him think of Tom Hughes and Holden Snyder. How did Fate decide who got a good father and who didn’t? Why was it that some people who really deserved the best got stuck with the worst?

That thought bolstered his confidence even more. He had to do this. He would never- ever- let Noah get hurt by the Colonel again, and someone had to set the man straight (so to speak). Someone had to stand up to him, on Noah’s behalf. And who better than the person who loved Noah more than anyone else on Earth?

He opened the back door that had been propped open the tiniest bit earlier today (thanks to Casey). He turned back to his friend, who was still pacing in the parking lot and muttering to himself. “Well, Casey? Are you coming or not?” And with that, he slipped inside.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“If you had to sum it up in one or two words, what would you call it?” Marcus asked, leaning back comfortably in his desk chair.

“Why don’t you have a pen and pad like psychiatrists in TV and movies do?” Noah asked. “You don’t write anything down.”

“Because it’s more important that you understand the words than I do,” he answered immediately. “Now, if you had to sum-”

“Do you have a clever, neatly-wrapped answer for every question I ask?” Noah interrupted, also sitting back in his chair, no where near as comfortable. He waited for the snappy comeback, but none came.

Marcus just looked at him, one eyebrow raised, also waiting. When Noah finally settled down with a defeated sigh, the eyebrow lowered. “If you had to sum up your experience in that basement in one or two words, what would you say?”

“Oldboy,” Noah mumbled before he could stop himself. At the doctor’s questioning look: “It’s a Korean movie that- you know what? Never mind.” He stared down at his sneakers.

“So your first instinct is to equate it with a film.” Marcus proposed.

“I guess…” Noah mused, frowning a little. Just how much of his life did he compare to movies? “So what does that inkblot mean, Doc?”

Marcus once again brushed past the bitter humor. “You’re relating it to something that usually comforts you, which could mean you’re trying to cope with it. But honestly?” (And when had Marcus ever been anything but honest?) “I think you’re relating it to something that’s not real. That’s easy to distance yourself from, that you know the ending to and can control with a button on a remote. But life isn’t like that. What happened to you isn’t like that.”

Noah found himself actually curious by the doctor’s words. “So how should I be summing it up?”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure there’s a right or wrong way, Noah. But I guess what I’m looking for right now? Literally sum it up. I want you to try to describe what happened to you in one or two words.”

Noah reached up, scratching the back of his head. How was that even possible? “How would you?”

The fact that Noah’s tone was genuinely curious and not confrontational allowed Marcus to answer. “Sexual assault.”

Noah stilled instantly. “I…” And then the room was too hot, too bright, too… spinny. His body went numb- including his lungs- and he couldn’t breathe. He was in some limbo between awake and oblivion when a voice pierced through the haze that was cocooned around him, reaching his ears.

“Seven, eight, nine- come on, Noah. Breathe, kid. Ten, eleven, twelve. Slow breaths, in and out…”

It was Rex Harrison’s voice. No, Dr. Weston. Dr. Weston. Therapy. Breathing exercises. Breathe. Just breathe. (Luke…) Think about Luke. Calm down. Breathe. By the time Noah could work air back into his lungs, Dr. Weston had counted up to thirty-three. Thirty-four. Thirty-five.

Another beat, and his senses started to come back to him. His heartbeat stopped pounding in his ears, and he could focus on the figure crouched down in front of him, watching him with concerned but calm eyes. Reassuring.

He nodded to the doctor, breaths finally back under some semblance of normalcy. Wrapping his arms around himself again, he willed his body to stop shaking as Dr. Weston stood and settled back down in his own chair. “Has that ever happened before?” the man asked knowingly. Face burning, Noah nodded, unable to look up. He wouldn’t say more unless directly asked; he couldn’t. “More than a few times?” Again he nodded- if you counted a couple times a year since he was fourteen as ‘more than a few.’ “How did you deal with them in the past?”

Noah shrugged, then remembered that Dr. Weston didn’t like when he shrugged. “I don’t know. They happen… and then they’re done and I wake up,” his voice sounded distant and toneless, even to his own ears.

Marcus wanted to explore that further, he really did, but it wasn’t on the agenda. At least not for today. He had to go back to the subject he had already, painfully, broached. He had counseled trauma victims before- once you start down that path you can’t back off, or the patient will repress it even further.

“This panic attack started when I said you were assaulted. But isn’t that what happened?” he pressed, voice uncharacteristically gentle. He was treading on new, dangerous ground and wanted to play it cautious at first. He spoke quietly, “Have you told anyone what Alan did to you?” He was surprised when Noah actually nodded. “Who?”

“Jack,” he said roughly, forcing the words out of his throat. “Jack, um, he’s… he gets it.”

Marcus nodded, wondering what had happened in that man’s past that helped him earn Noah’s trust. (He was not jealous. He wasn’t.) He was glad Noah was talking to someone, and especially glad that the someone was a Snyder- further proof for his argument that Noah was indeed a part of the family. “You haven’t told Luke.”

The shocked, terrified look on Noah’s face confirmed that pretty quickly. “No! No way. I-I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?” Marcus questioned casually, wanted to lean forward but worried about overwhelming his patient. They had made so much progress so far, a surprising amount given Noah’s history and his current trauma, but as any seasoned therapist knows- each session is its own battle, opening up another festering wound. And looking at Noah now, the almost physically-sickened look on his face, Marcus knew he was about to pour peroxide on the cut. “Why can’t you tell Luke? Do you think it’ll change how he feels about you?”

He nodded, eyes wide, looking so young in that moment. “I don’t know if it’ll change for better or worse, and I just can’t take the risk,” he whispered.

Marcus noticed he always whispered the things he was most afraid to say out loud. He purposefully made sure he didn’t lower his own pitch in counter-balance. “Maybe love is stronger than that,” he commented. “Maybe Luke will love you more for persevering despite what happened.”

Noah winced, thinking about what had happened. “Or maybe he won’t be able to look at me the same way ever again. I don’t know if I can handle not being with him anymore. If he decides he can’t-”

“Why would he do that?”

“Because I was-!” Noah stopped himself, biting his lower lip to keep quiet. But he had already started down this path, and he seemed to know that Marcus would make him talk anyway. “Because up until a week ago, I only belonged to Luke. And now… now he…”

“He who?” Marcus cut in. In all the time they had spent together, Noah had never once said the name of the man who had attacked him. “He- I want you to tell me who ‘he’ is.”

“Alan.” Noah flinched even as he answered, tears starting to slowly fill his eyes. And as he said the name, every detail, ever flash of memory and feeling from being in that basement came back to him, threatened to swamp him, drown him and pull him under. He gasped and almost doubled over, but Marcus was there to catch him, holding his shoulders gently, reminding him to breathe.

“Don’t let it take over, Noah. Don’t let it take control,” he murmured. Noah concentrated on his voice, on breathing deeply and counting. With each number, he grabbed hold of the fear just a little bit tighter, pushed away the panic, and centered himself. He was surprised when he looked up to see Dr. Weston smiling triumphantly. “That was great, Noah.”

Noah sniffed, wiping at his eyes. God, he hated crying. “What the hell was great about that?”

Marcus’s smile wasn’t deterred. “Do you know what you just did? You took control. You were feeling overwhelmed, and you fought back. You didn’t retreat, you stayed here. And you did it all by yourself. I’m so proud of you, Noah.” The young man’s face, so pale before from his panic attacks, now flushed red. He shook his head and dropped his gaze, mumbling something intelligible. Marcus’s smile just widened that much further. “And you should be proud too. You should.”

Noah shook his head again, but at least now his breathing was even and slow, face turning back to its original color. He clasped his hands in his lap, clenching and relaxing his right hand continuously.

Marcus watched him for a bit before continuing. “See how that feels? Now you know what to do if it happens again. And gradually, if you know how to control the panic, it’ll happen less and less. You won’t have to suffer those attacks anymore.”

“It… it gets better,” Noah stated more than questioned, trying to convince himself. Marcus let him do it, not answering. He didn’t need to. Noah finally looked up at him again, nodding to say he was (relatively) alright.

“Now that you know you can handle this,” Marcus began slowly, “I want you to do something for me. I want you to tell me what happened in the cabin. What Alan did to you.”

Noah’s first instinct was to shake his head. No, his first instinct was to bolt out of the room and run until his legs gave out and never come back. But instead he sat there, feeling his chest rise and fall semi-steadily. For a long while Marcus just sat watching him. He had all the time in the world- they both did- to figure this out.

When Noah finally spoke, even so quiet as he was, it was almost startling. “The… the first couple of times, he didn’t do much. He kissed me and, um, felt at me,” Noah grimaced, he couldn’t figure out any other way to describe it. “But that was it. Either he got interrupted or he’d leave, saying he’d be back for more later.” His voice cracked a lot but he bravely continued on. “After I tried to escape and got sick… he started to take off my shirt before I could stop him.”

Marcus nodded, but still said nothing. This wasn’t about offering insight or advice. This was about Noah feeling like he could talk to Marcus, was safe here. This was about Noah letting go. He watched with more pride as Noah controlled his breathing and willed away the anxiety threatening to cloud his vision.

“B-but after I stole the cell phone, my dad… my dad, he…” Noah’s hands were shaking again. Marcus’s eyes narrowed, he had no idea how involved Noah’s father was with Alan’s assault on Noah. “My dad said he’d done all he could, couldn’t convince me that I was wrong. That being gay was wrong.”

“Did he let Alan… Did he leave Alan alone with you on purpose?” Marcus had to ask, fighting to keep the shock and disgust out of his voice. The boy’s own father-

Noah nodded, another tear escaping to trail down his face. “He said I had no one to blame but myself.”

Marcus wanted nothing more than to give the poor kid a hug, but he couldn’t just yet. “Do you believe him?”

Noah shook his head forcefully, agonized. “I-I didn’t want it. I didn’t. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I tried…”

“Of course, Noah. You were chained up, for God’s sake. No one thinks you allowed this to happen. I hope you don’t either.” Marcus frowned when Noah just shrugged. “Do you want to take a break? Maybe-”

“No,” Noah’s voice held more conviction than Marcus thought possible. “No. If I stop now, I’ll never…” he trailed off.

Marcus nodded. “Do you want to know why I think you should talk about it? Why I think talking will help?” Noah nodded, blue eyes begging for that answer. “Because if you can get all the way through the experience without losing yourself, then you’ll be able to put it behind you.”

Off of Noah’s doubtful, almost recriminating, glance, Marcus explained, “I’m not talking about forgetting it or pretending it never happened. I’m talking about accepting that it did, accepting that it’s a part of you now.” He leaned forward, emphasizing his certainty. “It’s a chapter in your life now, but it isn’t the entire story. It’s just a part. And the rest of you can live on, healthy and happy. You can be healthy and happy again, Noah.”

There was no stopping the tears now, though Noah didn’t seem to feel them fall. Or at least he didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. He sat very still, eyes unconsciously straying to Marcus’s photograph again. He didn’t comment on it this time, thankfully. He was about to suggest again that they take a break when Noah began to speak.

“He held me down and tied my feet together. I couldn’t move at all. And he was all over me, kissing me and… touching-” a moment’s pause to control his breaths. “I thought I could turn my brain off and go away for awhile, but he wouldn’t let me. Every time I tried, he hit me. In the face or stomach or on my chest. He made sure I was paying attention.”

Marcus was starting to wish he still had Scotch hidden in his desk drawer. “What else?” he forced himself to ask.

“He had a knife. And h-he cut my shirt open. Cut it off. And I kept yelling at him, at my dad wherever he was, telling them to stop, to leave me alone. But then he-” Noah’s head sort of tilted to the side as he spoke, like he couldn’t understand what had happened. His eyes squinted, pained. “He tied something around my mouth so I couldn’t talk. It was my shirt. He gagged me with my own shirt, can you believe that?”

Marcus could, he just didn’t want to. He didn’t want to believe a lot of things he had heard over the years, but they were true. He didn’t say anything, waiting for Noah to go on.

Noah could almost see the memories from the basement clamoring for attention in front of him. He took a measuring breath before pushing them away. Control them, don’t let them control you. “It felt like he was everywhere then. And he could do whatever he wanted. He told me he would do whatever he wanted. And I couldn’t stop him,” Noah looked up at the doctor, begging him to believe him.

“I know, Noah,” Marcus reassured calmly. “No one thinks you wanted it to happen. No one thinks you should have- could have- resisted more.”

Noah blew out a shaky breath. “He said he was going to draw it out. Enjoy it for a couple days. So he wasn’t going to, to do everything right away. He just wanted to… wanted to show me that I belonged to him now. That my old life as over.”

“Do you think that’s true?” Marcus inquired.

He bit his lip, thinking it over. “Maybe not now. But it was true then. And it was true that day at the hospital.”

“What happened that day?”

“I froze. I didn’t know where I was, if any of it was even real. I’d had some messed up dreams while I was sick. For a second I thought maybe… But it was real. And he was on me again, all over. His hands w-were everywhere. And it hurt, and he wasn’t trying to draw it out this time, and I was so scared that he was finally going to-” He cut himself off. “He kept talking, saying we were never over, I was never going to be safe.”

“That’s what he wanted, Noah. He wanted you to give up.”

“And I did,” Noah whispered.

“No!” Marcus’s voice was louder than he had intended, and he could have kicked himself when Noah flinched and pushed himself back even farther in the chair. Much quieter and calmer, “No, Noah. You didn’t give up. You protected Luke from him, protected yourself. And you’re here, aren’t you? You haven’t cut yourself off or lashed out at anyone. You’re still you.”

Noah’s words were painstakingly slow and clear. “He was, um, he was undoing my pants when Luke walked in. Luke stopped him. If he hadn’t I would have let him-”

“No,” Marcus cut in again. “I’m going to say this as many times as it takes for you to accept it, Noah. A common feeling that trauma victims experience is that they didn’t resist enough, that their attacker succeeded in some way because they didn’t fight hard enough. Male assault victims in particular have a hard time with this. But it’s a common mistake, Noah. You didn’t ‘let’ Alan do anything to you. He forced himself on you, but you survived. You can’t let him win now.”

“Then why do I feel like he’s still here?” Noah asked, voice breaking. “Why am I still scared every time I walk around a corner, thinking he’s on the other side? Sleep with a nightlight every night because if it’s dark I can’t be sure I’m alone? Am I ever going to be able to kiss Luke again- really kiss him, like he deserves- without feeling A-Alan?” He stumbled on the man’s name, but managed to say it without going into another panic attack. Noah might not have noticed that, but Marcus did. He felt a small surge of triumph; they were making progress.

“I’m sorry, Noah, I don’t know. I don’t want to pretend like I have all the answers. It’s going to take time, I can tell you that. But from what I’ve seen of you, what I know of you, I know you’re strong enough to get past this.” Noah looked at him so incredulously, Marcus had to smile even as inwardly he shook his head at the lack of self-esteem he was constantly seeing. “It may not seem like it, but you’ve already come an impressively far way. Please, don’t give up now.” Noah was still quiet. Marcus moved his chair closer, gripping the arms tightly. “Please.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Luke had been standing pretty much stock-still for the last two minutes. He hadn’t really thought about what state the Colonel would be in when Luke finally confronted him, but this probably would have been at the bottom of his list. He wasn’t looking at the psycho-murderous-homophobic-freak he had chalked Noah’s father up to being. He wasn’t looking at a man who had spent his entire adult life from eighteen on in the Army, a commander of thousands of men, a war hero.

No, this was just an old man, defeated and sad. Handcuffed to an uncomfortable metal chair in a padded cell. Alone. Luke stared at him some more, wondering when it was that the man’s sandy-colored hair had gotten so gray looking. Winston’s head was down, chin nearly touching his chest, and he had yet to acknowledge Luke.

Part of Luke wondered if he was faking, trying to fool Luke into letting his guard down, but a bigger part of him could actually feel the desolation coming from this man. Luke didn’t feel like he was in any immediate danger. And besides, Casey was right outside the door, ready and (mostly) willing to lend a hand if need be.

“Colonel Mayer,” Luke finally spoke up, said his name firmly. Not loudly, not confrontationally, just steady and calm. Luke was in control.

The Colonel looked up, somewhat startled, squinting at the figure standing by the door. Luke was thrown when the man chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “Of course. Of course it’s you. The hits just keep on coming, huh?”

“Interesting choice of words,” Luke commented wryly, staying where he was by the door. It wasn’t because he was scared or intimidated, it was because he wanted the Colonel to see that Luke could come and go as he pleased. Could stand on his own two legs. That was like a double middle finger to the man chained to a chair in front of him, the same man who had put him in a wheelchair almost two years ago. “I heard you tried to kill yourself. For the first time, I’m sorry your plan failed.”

“Where’s Noah?” the man asked.

“No!” Luke cut in, his voice raising against his will. He lowered it as quickly as possible, not wanting to worry Casey or call any attention. “No. You don’t get to say his name anymore. You don’t get to ask where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with. You failed, Colonel. He may have your DNA, but Noah will never be your son. He’s better than that. Better than you. You don’t deserve him.”

Winston snorted. “Who would want him?”

Luke could feel his hand mold into a fist and used ever ounce of the self-control he didn’t even know he possessed to relax and not attack the man. “Have you not gotten a clue? Have you seen the number of people in this town who fought to find him, help him get better?” The colonel snorted again, and Luke couldn’t help but add, “And no matter what, I would always want him. I love him. And he loves me, and I hope that just kills you inside.”

“Is that why you’re here now, freak?” the Colonel spat out. “Did you come to point and laugh? To tell me I didn’t win? What?”

Luke shook his head, though he couldn’t help but flinch a little at the venom in the man’s voice, how it seemed to infect like a snakebite. He had another flash of memory- of Noah, feverish in the hospital, scared his father would get mad he was sick. Luke couldn’t even imagine what the reality of that must have been like. It gave him the strength to answer.

“I wanted to tell you to stay away from Noah from now on. Don’t try to contact him, don’t you dare try to hurt him, don’t even think of him ever again. He’s not your family anymore, he’s mine. My family is going to take care of him now. We’re going to be the ones to love him. And we’ll be there for him every step of the way for the rest of his life. He doesn’t need you. I wanted you to know that.”

Winston shook his head, disgusted. “Good riddance, then. The boy is more trouble than he’s worth.”

Luke slammed his fist back against the wall. Thankfully it was padded and didn’t make a lot of noise, but it was still enough to startle the Colonel. “Noah is one of the best people I know. Despite the torture it must have been, growing up with a piece of trash father like you, Noah is caring and respectful, intelligent, principled… He puts family- my family- first.” He gave a few sarcastic claps in the man’s direction. “Congratulations Colonel, your son grew up to be one of the finest men possible.”

The Colonel’s angry bark of laughter shook Luke more than he wanted to admit. “A man? Really? And I should take your word for it? His boyfriend?”

The pure frustration bubbling up in Luke’s chest almost smothered him in that moment. “You still don’t get it. In the last two years, Noah has gotten more people to love and care for him than you’ve gotten in your entire miserable, lonely life. What does that tell you? And-” he continued quickly over the Colonel’s protests, “when you die, that whole ‘Mayer’ dynasty will die with you. Because Noah will still be here, still be gay, and still be with me. He’s a Snyder now, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“So you told him?” Jack asked casually as Noah sat down, a little shakily, on the ground next to him.

Noah nodded. “Not, like, every detail,” he hadn’t even told Jack every detail, “but enough, I guess. Enough for him to get all sad and reassuring.”

“He’s not allowed to be sad? It’s not a happy story, kid,” Jack pointed out, handing over a slice of bread as the ducks hopped out of the pond and came closer.

Noah shrugged. “I’m just… he thinks I should tell Luke-”

“So do I.”

“-But if that’s how the therapist reacts, how will Luke?” He laughed softly, without much humor. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.”

“I think you’ve proven you can handle more than you think, Noah,” Jack replied quietly. Noah flushed red and looked down, concentrating instead on the group of little ducklings who were pecking bread crumbs out of his hand.

Jack continued, knowing that even when he didn’t talk, Noah was always listening. “Having to tell Carly- and Janet later- was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But one of the smartest. From then on, whenever I thought about Julia and what she did, I knew I wasn’t alone. I had someone who loved me regardless and would rearrange the planets if it made me happy. You can’t tell me Luke isn’t that person for you, you just can’t.”

Noah never said a word, but the quick nod and the hand that tried to wipe away a tear without Jack noticing (though of course he did) was answer enough.

Jack smiled affectionately, leaning in a little closer. “You two have something really special, kid. One of those real stand-the-test-of-time kind of things. It’s definitely, definitely, something stronger than this. This is a time that can show you just how strong the relationship is.”

Noah dusted off his hands as the ducks waddled away back to the water. He pulled his cell phone out, staring at it. “So, basically… I should call Luke?”

Jack chuckled. He put his hand on Noah’s shoulder as he stood, steadying himself. Then he clapped the young man on the back and turned to head back to the house. “Basically? Yeah.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Casey paced back and forth- he was getting really good at pacing- and occasionally stopped to put his ear to the door of the ‘Crazy Cell,’ as he called it. He had memories of running around as a little kid with Adam and Will in this room, literally bouncing off the walls for fun. And now Luke was in there talking to a psycho. A real, honest-to-God psycho.

There was way too much wrong with this situation. And they had about twenty more minutes before a cop would come back to check on the Colonel. “Come on Luke,” he whispered, resisting the urge to peek in.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone rang. He really didn’t want to answer it. It could be anyone- his mom, his dad, Ali, his future-self calling to gloat about how dumb this idea was, anyone. But the ringing would definitely tip someone off to what he and Luke were doing…

“Ohhhhhh crap,” he groaned, seeing the name on the screen. He flipped it open slowly, putting a giant fake smile on his face for no reason at all. “Hey Noah!”

“Casey, have- have you seen Luke?” Noah’s voice sounded a little strained. Casey was concerned, but there were so many reasons why Noah could be tense right now, Casey didn’t have the time or brainpower to figure out just what it was.

“Luke? Um, no, I don’t see him here. Just me, you know, hanging out. What are you doing?” He could pretty much kiss his chances of winning an Academy Award goodbye.

Noah paused for a long time before continuing, confused. “I… I just need to talk to Luke. If you see him, could you get him to call me? It’s, it’s important.” His voice was a little shaky, and that centered Casey enough to realize that Luke had to leave and get home. Right now. Being with Noah was more important than being with the Colonel.

“I will, Noah. I promise, okay?” He calmed his voice down, trying to sound reassuring. Thank God this wasn’t a cartoon, where there’d be an angel and a devil on his shoulders. The angel would so be trying to kick him in the face right now. Though, with his luck, it’d just be two devils fighting for power.

“Okay. Thanks Casey. For, for everything.” And with that Noah hung up. And with that, Casey wanted to slam his head into something hard. This was such a dumb idea…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Winston shook his head, still sitting so still and calm in that chair. “So you’re with him now, big deal.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Luke was also maintaining his position, leaning casually back against the wall next to the door.

“You don’t know Noah like I do, boy. He's weak. One thing will scare him off, and you’ll never get him back. You might as well give up right now.” He smirked. The bastard actually smirked at him, like he was doing Luke a favor.

Luke closed his eyes to fight off the absolute rage he felt towards this sorry excuse for a person. “No. That’s the Noah you know. You think you know. But we love each other, and if you can’t scare him off from us, then I think we’ll do just fine. You’ve done enough damage, don’t you think?”

“What are you talking about now?” Winston almost groaned, like he was bored.

“I know, Colonel. Maybe not specifics, but I know you used to hurt him. But I just don’t know why. What could an eight-year-old have done that was so bad, you had to beat him? What kind of father could do that?” Luke shook his head. “I’ve hated you on his behalf for awhile, but now… looking at you, knowing that Noah is still this wonderful person in spite of everything… I pity you. I really do.”

“Why you little-” Winston showed some life now, but before he could continue, the door flew open.

Casey stood in the doorway, looking upset and a little winded. “Luke. We have to go. Now.”

Luke narrowed his eyes, a little confused, but nodded. “Sounds good. We’re finished here.”

Just as he reached the door, Winston growled behind him. “If that’s what my boy’s turning out to be, you can have him.”

Before Luke could even react, Casey had stormed forward, grabbed Winston by his shirt, and shoved the chair back a few feet. “Casey!”

Casey stared the Colonel hard in the face. “Listen to me, you son of a bitch. Noah is one of the last genuinely good people left in this town, hell, in this world. You should be thanking God you got him for a son. You could’ve had a lot worse.” And he smirked then, angry and sharp. “You could’ve had me.” He stood, moved back to Luke at the doorway. Just before he slammed the door shut, he turned back to the defeated and handcuffed man. “And I’m even straight.”

Luke was shocked into silence for a few moments as he followed Casey towards back exit. Finally he shook himself back into awareness. “‘One of the last genuinely good people?’ I’m not?” he finally broke the silence.

“No,” Casey answered, voice wobbling a little bit. “You suck. You suck so much for making me do this. If I didn’t love you, dude? I’d hate you a lot right now,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Luke couldn’t help but grin. “You need a haircut,” he commented. He was strangely calm, strangely at peace, as they opened the door to the back parking lot.

“I am going to kick your scrawny, rich-kid ass all the way back to- Noah…” Casey trailed off.

Luke frowned, confused. “To Noah?” Then he stepped out from behind Casey and saw the boyfriend in question sitting on the bed of his truck, pale and expectant and angry. “Noah.”

Noah pushed himself off the trailer, came to stand a few feet away from Luke, staring at him. Very quiet. Casey surreptitiously inched away, towards the safety of his own vehicle. Luke just stood there, slightly terrified, no way of knowing just what Noah would do next. Yell at him? Kick him in the shin? Leave and never come back? For some reason Luke doubted he’d strike up a conversation about The Final Sacrifice, or-

And then, without a word, Noah shoved himself into Luke’s body, grabbed his face, and kissed him. Hard. Okay, Luke hadn’t exactly been expecting that one either. In the time it took him to register what was happening, bringing his own hands up to Noah’s hips, and kiss him back, Noah was already pulling away, eyes flashing with a fire Luke hadn’t seen in far too long.

“You’re an idiot, Snyder, you know that?” Noah’s voice was hoarse, pained. “Are you trying to kill me? Are you trying to put yourself and Casey in danger? God, you could have been arrested, Luke!” Luke had to smile at that- leave it to Noah to be worried that someone might be breaking the law.

But the smile just seemed to anger Noah further. “In what universe did you think it was a good idea to go visit him? And keep it from me? Did you think I would be okay with it? Obviously not, or you wouldn’t have kept this a secret from me! You were alone in a room with my dad, Luke! You could have been… could have…” He choked for a second, eyes shut tight, and pulled Luke close to him again.

Luke moved his hands up from Noah’s hips to his face, his thumbs rubbing gently at the skin under Noah’s almost neon-blue eyes. “I’m sorry, baby, I am. But I had to. I had to do this. Please…”

And then Noah was kissing him again, as though he couldn’t breathe and the only air he could find was coming from Luke. Luke might have been seeing stars, he couldn’t be sure. He did know that this was one of the best kisses he’d ever had, made better by the fact that he’d gone without it for too long. Not that he blamed Noah for that, but this was…

He could taste the tears on Noah’s face, and suddenly he had to make it up to him. He had to erase the tears. He pushed himself even closer, halfway surprised that Noah didn’t tense up. Even more surprised when his lips parted just a little more and allowed Luke to gently slide his tongue inside. He was letting Luke in, in more ways than one. Hadn’t Luke realized a few days ago that there were a million different ways to say I love you? A million and one, now.

Finally they both came up for air, Luke refusing to let go of his boyfriend’s face, even as Noah’s hands slid down from his hair to clasp behind Luke’s back. “Don’t. Ever. Do that. Again,” he whispered, attempting a smile but looking really worn out.

Luke could relate to the feeling. “The visit? Or the kiss? Because the kiss was-”

“Shut up, Snyder,” Noah cut in, smiling a little more genuinely, kissing him again. This was much softer and sweeter and make Luke want to cry from about a hundred different emotions.

“So, uh, the PDA is back and stronger than ever?” a timid voice called out from behind Noah. They both turned to see Casey, who was sitting in his car with the door open, as though ready to make a quick getaway.

“As for you…” Noah started, warningly, though his eyes were much calmer and- dare Luke think it?- happier.

Casey held up both hands. “If that’s how you punish people, I got it. I’m sorry. Lesson learned.”

Noah smiled, still not letting go of Luke. “Lesson learned?” Luke wasn’t planning on letting go either.

Casey nodded earnestly. “Come on, how about we go to Al’s or something? Milkshakes? Hey, I’ll even buy.”

Luke nodded enthusiastically, wrapping his own arm tightly around Noah’s back. He looked up at Noah, who looked a little nervous. Luke felt his smile falter a little. Noah hadn’t really been out and about in Oakdale yet. Was he ready? Would this be too much too soon? But then Noah blew out a shaky breath, nodding. “Okay.”

Casey climbed out of his car, coming to stand next to them. He studied Noah for a second before nodding in return. “Seriously, guys, I mean it. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Luke smiled at his friend- their friend- and then looked back to Noah. Noah looked back and forth between them for a second, suddenly looking scared. “Did he do anything to you guys? Did he say- I’m sorry! If he hurt-”

Luke was about to grab his boyfriend again, shake some sense (or kiss some sense) into him, but Casey somehow got there first. He put one hand, firm and comforting, on Noah’s shoulder. “Noah, stop. He’s an asshole of epic proportions. Don’t you dare waste any more time tying yourself down to him. You’re Noah, bottom line. I don’t give a damn about him, just you. Got it?”

If Luke’s grin got any wider, it would start to hurt. “Same here,” he whispered into Noah’s ear. Noah looked at both of them again, seemingly at a loss for words.

“Got it?” Casey asked again.

Finally he nodded, his lips curling up into a tentative smile that was so Noah that Luke almost felt his legs give out at the sheer love he felt for him. Noah nodded again. “Lesson learned,” he answered quietly, steering both him and Luke towards his truck and the promise of milkshakes. For right now, that was all he needed.

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: Luke and Noah do some digging, an old romance gets explained, another session with Marcus has Noah re-examining his childhood...

Chapter 14: Fourteen

Summary:

Luke and Noah do some digging, an old romance gets explained, another session with Marcus has Noah re-examining his childhood.

Luke was this close to throwing a temper tantrum. Or laughing out loud. (But he wanted to throw the temper tantrum.) Because every time he got the hay spread out evenly in Eastwood’s stall, another handful would drop down from the loft. This last time, it conveniently landed on Luke’s head, catching in his hair. “Do you mind?” he finally sighed, refusing to look up as he brushed out as much of the straw as possible.

A freakishly long pair of legs hung over the edge of the loft now. “Nope,” came the simple reply. Another handful of hay fell right in front of his eyes. Even the hay looked like it was mocking him now. “What’s wrong? Are you busy?”

“Are you annoying?” Luke kept his head down, not wanting the owner of those legs to see how happy the teasing made him. How relieved he was that those legs could tease him, when two weeks ago he had been afraid he’d never see those legs again… Another clump of straw landed on the back of his neck and ended up falling behind the collar of his shirt. Okay, that’s it.

Without any warning, Luke reached up and grabbed the ankles dangling in front of him, yanking on them until the legs were forced to drop from the loft into the stall with Luke. He held his hands out and steadied the long and lean body as it landed, and then kept his arms wrapped around tightly, glaring good-naturedly.

Noah’s eyes were nearly sparkling as he gave Luke the most innocent look he could muster. “What?”

Luke knew he was grinning, he knew he was, but he couldn’t help but keep up his charade. “You, Noah Mayer, love of my life, are being a pest.”

Noah’s smile, not up to his full dazzling grin yet but getting close, still managed to leave Luke feeling weak in the knees. Thank God he had such a good grip on the body in front of him then, huh? Noah shrugged. “You don’t seem to be minding all that much.”

Luke pouted. “I have hay in my shirt. I mind.” Noah’s face was still pure innocence even as he plucked a few pieces of hay out of Luke’s hair. Luke continued to smile though on the inside he grew a little sad. Normally, after a line like that, Noah would follow it up with a comment about getting rid of said shirt. But he wasn’t there yet.

Since the other night at the police station, Noah had made a few great strides in his recovery. He had gone out with Casey and Luke to Al’s, and each day since had ventured out to somewhere besides the hospital- tagging along with Ali and Hunter to the video store, lunch at the Lakeview with Lily and Holden, grocery shopping with Emma. Yesterday he had walked around Old Town with Luke for a few hours, even stopping in Java to say hi to a very happy, very relieved Jeff and Kayla.

And even though sometimes he’d get back from whatever trip feeling a little shaky, holding onto Luke a little bit tighter than usual, for the most part everyone was proud of Noah for putting himself out there, literally. They were reintroducing him to Oakdale.

Luke brought his thoughts back to the present. “So how’s today going for you?” It was their new ritual. Checking each day, making sure Noah realized that Luke always wanted to know how he was feeling.

“Better than yesterday,” was the now standard reply with a smile. It was the smile that put Luke at ease, peaceful and unforced. “I like how the day’s going so far,” Noah added, moving in a little closer.

“Oh yeah?” a sly smile appeared on Luke’s face. God, he had missed teasing his boyfriend. Really, really missed it. Noah didn’t answer this time, instead pressing a warm kiss to Luke’s mouth.

This was another thing he was recovering at. Which Luke was very happy about, he couldn’t lie. Since the police station, Noah had gotten so much better at letting himself and letting other people get close. For Emma, Janet, Lily, and the rest, that meant hugs and hands on his shoulder, flinching less often when people got near him.

For Luke, it meant so much more. So. Much. More. Slowly but surely, they were getting their relationship back on the track it had once been on. And today, that apparently meant making out in Eastwood’s barn stall.

He was still achingly hesitant, but it was obvious that Noah missed this as much as Luke did. His hands ghosted up the sides of Luke’s body to land at his neck, gently holding him there, savoring. Again, Luke couldn’t help but think of the normal ‘used-to-do.’ Normally, by this point, one of them would have the other pushed back against the wall, hands sliding underneath shirts, maybe belts being undone. They had not been above a quickie in the barn in the past, that was certainly true.

But now Luke stood still, his own hands gripping Noah’s back, fingers twisting in his shirt. The very familiar and very missed sensation of a tongue sliding surely into his mouth almost brought tears to Luke’s eyes, and the tiny tiny part of him not concentrating on the kiss was laughing at how absurd that sounded. But damn if he didn’t love this, hadn’t spend days and weeks imagining himself showing Noah just how loved he was. And yet he kept still, letting Noah set the pace. He was definitely not going to have a repeat of that night in his bedroom. No. No, he was going to prove that Noah could trust Luke with everything, including himself.

He was so busy congratulating himself on getting to kiss his boyfriend though, he didn’t notice Noah moving them slowly back to the far wall of the barn. When Luke’s back hit the wall, he let out a little surprised rush of air that Noah quickly inhaled down, their lips still locked together. A thrill shot all the way through Luke, and he had to remind himself to keep his hands from wandering.

But you could only tell a twenty-year-old hormonal (alive) male so much, and Luke couldn’t help but tighten his grip around his boyfriend, scrambling to hold onto his shoulders, when he felt Noah’s hands skim back down his body and grab onto the bottom of his shirt, moving it slowly upwards.

“Luke?”

“Hmm?” Luke could really get his brain to work past monosyllabic grunts right now. Noah’s hands. Noah’s hands were touching him. How was he supposed to concentrate on something else?

But then those hands were gone, and Noah was standing on the other side of the stall by Eastwood, brushing at his mane. His face was flushed the most perfect shade of mortified-red.

“Luke? Noah? You boys in here?”

And then Luke realized the voice he had heard wasn’t Noah. It wasn’t even male. He sighed heavily. “Yeah, we’re here Grandma,” he answered once he figured out how to get his mouth working again (not that it hadn’t been working a few moments ago…)

“Alright sweethearts, breakfast will be ready in five minutes if you’re hungry,” Emma called from the doorway. She turned to leave but stopped just outside the doorway. “And Noah Mayer? That wasn’t a request. You’ll be eating a full plate this morning, young man, and you won’t be leaving my kitchen table until you do.”

As frustrated as Luke was at being interrupted, he couldn’t help but grin as Noah’s blush became impossibly brighter. “Yes ma’am,” Noah answered, still concentrating way too hard on the horse in front of him.

“Five minutes,” Emma reminded them before disappearing back into the house.

There was a good twenty seconds of pure silence before Luke sighed loudly, vocally. He closed the distance between quickly them, bringing Noah back into his arms. They stood there, sort of swaying a little, just holding each other. Finally Luke pulled back a little, kissed the tip of Noah’s chin, and smiled. “Just like old times, huh?”

Noah’s face has lost its flush, and he was shaking his head exasperatedly. “She almost gave me a heart attack,” he semi-whispered.

Luke pretended to be insulted, laying one hand over Noah’s heart to feel it beat. “Really? I thought that was from me.”

Noah snorted, leaning his forehead against Luke’s. “Always thinking so highly of yourself, Snyder.”

“Damn right,” Luke shot back. “I mean, when I land a boyfriend like this, I gotta be doing something right.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Noah said softly. After another moment’s pause, “Luke, I promise. Sometime soon, I promise, I’ll kiss you, really kiss you. Like you should be kissed. Like you want.”

Luke pinched Noah’s chin, shaking it a little. He hoped the playfulness would mask the ache Noah’s words and earnestness placed in him. Every time he marveled at how far Noah had come, he was reminded of how far he- they- still had to go. “Hey. Did you forget what I said? I want you. I love anything you give me.”

“Sometimes I don’t know why you put up with me,” Noah mumbled. “When you could-”

Luke cut him off with a kiss. “Because you make me happier than I thought was scientifically possible,” he said firmly. They stayed silent for another moment, and Luke felt like he had to find at least one more way to reassure Noah. “You know, while you were… I talked to you all the time while you were gone.”

“I know,” Noah chuckled slightly. “You wouldn’t shut up.”

“And I-” Luke stopped, doing what was probably a perfect double take. “What?”

Noah looked just as confused. “What?” he echoed in the same tone.

Luke shook his head. “Okay, one of us is really confused, and I honestly don’t know which.”

Noah started to smile. “It’s just… I heard your voice in my head. A lot. You kept me from, from going crazy sometimes. You kept me from giving up, giving in to… either of them.” He looked away then unsurely.

Luke used a hand to bring Noah’s face back to look at him. “You did the same thing for me. I almost, uh, did some stupid stuff while we were looking for you. But any time I even thought about thinking about it, you were there in my head.” Another kiss, and Luke wasn’t sure who initiated it this time. “And that’s how I know we’re stuck with each other. Even when we’re not together, we’re together.”

Noah was silent for a moment, very still, and then slowly his face melted into that silly, goofy grin that Luke hadn’t seen in weeks. That grin that turned his whole face into sunlight, made him look like a little boy and movie star all in one. The grin he only gave for Luke. “I kinda love you,” was all he said.

“I kinda same here,” Luke replied, reluctantly letting go long enough to wrap Noah’s arm in his like he was escorting him to a ball. “Come on, breakfast starts in about thirty seconds, and you know Grandma will be back out here in thirty-five if we’re not at the table.”

Noah reached out to straighten Luke’s shirt, and Luke fought not to lean into the touch. “So I have therapy today, what are you doing?” Noah asked as they left the barn.

Luke secretly admired how casually Noah could talk about therapy now. “I have a lunch date. With my Grandmother at the Lakeview. It shouldn’t take too long, I’ll be done in time to pick you up…” he trailed off, surprised at the suddenly mystified look on Noah’s face. “Noah?”

Noah had that look of trying to figure out a complicated puzzle, searching for that last remaining piece in his head. Suddenly his whole face lit up. “Lucinda!”

Luke raised his eyebrows tentatively. “Yes, that is her name.” He frowned at the a-ha! expression Noah was currently trying to hide. “Okay, what’s up?”

Noah looked through the porch door into the kitchen, then turned back to Luke, lowering his voice. “When you go to lunch today, can you ask Lucinda something for me?”

“Of course,” Luke said immediately. As if Noah had to ask. “What is it?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Noah rounded the corner towards Marcus’s office and nearly collided with someone going in the other direction. There was only a second of panic, because right away he could see this person was small, blonde, and female. Not Alan. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t…” Noah trailed off, frowning. Why did she look so familiar?

Even as he frowned, the woman in front of him lit up happily. “Noah Mayer, look at you! Oh my God, you look fantastic!” Noah unconsciously took a half-step backwards, unable to put a name to the face in front of him. But he knew her, knew her voice… Her smile turned gentle, understanding. “A lot better than the last time I saw you, honey.”

Suddenly Noah remembered, flashing back to a blurry vision of the living room of a cabin, an ambulance ride… “You’re the paramedic? The one who…?”

She nodded warmly. “My name is Sarah Ellington. We never really got introduced, did we?” She touched his arm lightly. “I’m glad you’re looking better, Noah. I really am.”

Noah was stunned into silence for a few moments, just staring. So this was Sarah. Luke had told him how amazing she had been the day he had been rescued. “I-I, um… Thank you, Sarah. I don’t know if I can thank you enough for everything you did for me, and for Luke. I don’t know if we-”

“Hey,” she took a step closer, hand still on his arm. “That was just part of my job. And I’m so glad to see you’re doing better. If I helped in any way, that’s thanks enough.” She smiled again, turning to leave, before whipping back around and wrapping Noah in a huge hug. “Keep in touch, kid, okay? I want to know how you’re doing.”

Noah nodded into the hug, returning it just as strongly. “Thank you,” he said again softly. He really had so many people to thank, how was he ever going to express it to all those people who had…? He offered up a smile to Sarah, hoping it was enough for now.

Sarah’s smile widened in return. “I’ll see you around, Noah. Have fun with the doc today.”

Noah grew confused again as Sarah went on her way. “How did you know where I was going?”

She laughed as she rounded the corner. “Friends in high places, honey. Friends in high places.”

Noah puzzled over that as he knocked on Dr. Weston’s door. Marcus looked up from his computer with a smile. “It amazes me that you are always exactly two minutes early for our appointments,” the man commented as Noah entered.

Noah couldn’t help but smile in reply. “It amazes me that you’re still having computer problems.”

Marcus chuckled a little. “No problems this time, young man. Now that I know this whole iTunes thing, thanks to you,” Noah had spent about forty-five minutes after their previous session explaining the interworkings of Apple, “I’m just trying to find the right music. And that takes time.”

Noah smirked. “Really? You know, if you’re having trouble figuring out how to search for-”

“You kids and your technology, always rushing through things,” Marcus pretended to grumble. “Creating the perfect music collection takes time, patience.”

“And knowing how to search in iTu-”

Marcus pushed away from his computer. “Alright, how about we get started,” he interrupted, mock-stern. Noah smiled, though it was a little tense now. ‘Getting started’ was the hardest part of the session. He sat back in the chair, waiting for Marcus to bring up whatever painful subject needed to be brought up today. Marcus recognized this, and decided to give the boy a break, and start with something lighter. “You look happier today.”

Noah felt himself blush a little, ducking his head. “Yeah. I think I am. Luke and I are, um… we’re getting better. Closer. And I’ve been, been wanting to get closer.”

Marcus’s smile widened, almost triumphantly. Noah was going to beat this, he really was. “That’s great, Noah. Having a relationship like that, that you feel safe in, is really important. It’ll be something you can rely on as you heal.”

Noah looked down at his hands. “I think I’m beginning to understand that.”

The doctor nodded in encouragement. “Trust me, Noah. Finding that person, that right person that you just can’t get enough of, can’t get away from… it’s magic. It’s miraculous. Hold on to that.”

Noah nodded, looking off to the side. “Is that why you still have her picture?”

For the first time in many, many years, Marcus was stunned into silence. If he had a clock in his office, he’d be able to hear it tick. Finally, “E-excuse me?” he stumbled out with.

Noah gestured over to the photograph he always looked at, the young couple from so many years ago. “You still have her picture, even though you didn’t end up with her.”

Marcus rubbed at his jaw, feeling older than he ever had before. “Yes, I do. And I didn’t. But that was a long time ago, Noah, and we’re supposed to be talking about you.” He tried to direct the conversation back to his patient.

But Noah was nothing if not stubborn. “Why didn’t it work out? What happened?”

“Noah…”

“Luke’s with her right now,” Noah mentioned.

Marcus was silent again, rocked to his core. How the hell did…? “Did she tell you?”

Noah shook his head. “It took me awhile, but I finally recognized her picture. And that day she took me back to the farm from here? She was quiet on the ride back.” An affectionate smile graced his features. “She’s never that quiet.”

Marcus studied his patient for a moment, for some reason not surprised that Noah had figured it out. The kid could be pretty perceptive sometimes, at least when it didn’t have to do with himself. “It was a long time ago.”

Noah shrugged. “So? What happened between you and Lucinda?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“What ever are you talking about, young man?”

Luke shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. It was then he realized he probably wasn’t good at playing nonchalant, because his grandmother’s imperious stare just deepened. “I was just asking.”

Lucinda threw her head back, laughing a little. “Oh darling, you never ‘just ask’ anything. What are you and that Noah trying to cook up?”

“Nothing, Grandmother, I swear. We’re not cooking anything. We’re not even near the kitchen. He just mentioned that you and Dr. Weston were old friends, and I got curious. That’s it.” If his eyes got any wider, they’d probably pop out of the sockets.

“If that’s your oh-so-subtle way of asking if we were once involved, then let me put you out of your misery,” Lucinda huffed. “Yes, yes we once were. Many, many decades ago. Ages ago. Eons, even. Nothing worth thinking about now.”

“But you are thinking about it now,” Luke pointed out. “I just want to know what happened. If this guy is someone who hurt you, I’m not sure I want him around Noah-”

“No. No, Luke, he’s a great man,” Lucinda sighed grandly. “He wasn’t always the best companion, but he was always a good man.”

“What happened?” Luke asked again, quietly.

Lucinda shook her head, smiling thinly. “Not all first loves are like yours and Noah’s. Some aren’t meant to work out. Some are called first loves because you know you’re going to have a second or third after that.”

“So you and Dr. Weston were destined to fail?” Luke thought that was one of the saddest things he’d ever heard, and he thanked God that he and Noah weren’t one of those couples. They’d fought for each other way too much.

“Oh darling, don’t be so dramatic,” Lucinda waved away his comment. “Marcus and I have both grown and moved on since then, and it’s been for the best.”

Luke leaned forward. “But what happened back then?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Marcus shrugged. “We were in love, and neither of us had been in love before. It was new and frightening and we didn’t handle it well.” A smile. “We weren’t as tough as you and Luke.”

Noah shrugged right back, but it was in no way mocking. “Luke and I have had kind of crazy circumstances that made us fight for each other. No,” he shook his head, thinking hard, “didn’t make us fight, just showed us what was worth fighting for.” Realizing that Marcus was looking at him and smiling, Noah shrugged and blushed again. “Or something like that.”

“Yes, I think it is something like that,” Marcus agreed. “But for Lucinda and I…” he sighed. Therapists don’t sigh. But old men telling old stories do. “The good was very good but the bad was way worse. We didn’t have that balance. We fought each other, but we didn’t fight for each other. I couldn’t open up to her, and she wouldn’t give me any compromises. Long story short? I was scared that I wasn’t enough for someone like her. I got self-destructive. Stupid.”

“Are you analyzing yourself now?” Noah asked, smile finally back on his face.

Marcus chuckled. “I’ve had a lot of practice at it. I was scared of being rejected by her, but also scared that tying myself to her would be the last decision I made just for myself for the rest of my life. Remember, Noah, at that time and at our age, couples got married. That was more than I could handle.”

Noah almost laughed. Almost. “I can relate to that, I guess.” He narrowed his eyes then. “Were you and Lucinda supposed to get married?”

“There was talk,” Marcus answered simply. “I couldn’t very well run away- I was here in medical school. So I escaped another way. I started drinking. And Lucinda didn’t deal with that all too well, wouldn’t put up with it.”

“And now I guess I can relate to Lucinda,” Noah said, more to himself than to Marcus.

Marcus looked at Noah quizzically for that, and filed it away in his brain for a later session. The one he had planned for today was going to be hard enough. “Anyway, we ended up apart. We both moved on, both married other people.”

“You’re married?” Noah was surprised.

“Not anymore. We didn’t work out either. The only good thing I got out of that marriage was my daughter.”

“Daughter?”

Noah looked around for a picture of her, so Marcus helpfully turned around one of the frames that faced him on his desk. And Noah had another shock to his system. “Apparently you’ve already met her.”

“Sarah is your daughter?” Noah asked, another smile starting to spread across his face. Of course. The universe was just so weird sometimes.

“She is indeed. And a damn fine paramedic, according to some reports,” Marcus said with pride and understanding. He knew that Sarah had been Noah’s medic.

“I’d agree,” Noah said quietly. He owed her a lot. He owed Dr. Weston even more, and somehow he’d find a way to make up for that.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Not all couples are meant to be, darling,” Lucinda reiterated to her stubborn-as-a-mule grandson. “We realized we weren’t ready for each other, weren’t right for each other,” she corrected herself. At Luke’s raising eyebrows, she huffed. “At that point in my life, I wasn’t looking for someone like Marcus, the baggage he carried around and was trying to ignore.”

“At that point,” Luke echoed. “But you’re different now. And he’s different now. I mean, the way he’s helped Noah is proof enough of that.”

“What happened to not wanting him around Noah?” Lucinda smirked.

“What happened to ‘he’s a great man?’” Luke shot back.

Lucinda shook her head. “Whatever’s in your pretty head, darling, shoo it out. I do not want you and Noah trying to play matchmaker.”

“We’re not!” Luke protested, mostly truthful. Noah had just wanted to find out what had happened all those years ago, but now that Luke had latched onto the idea, he was starting to make plans of his own. Plans he was sure nobody- including Noah- would particularly support. But he was Luke Snyder, damn it, and he was going to do this.

“Oh no, dearie, don’t even think about it.” Lucinda could always read him like a book. Even when he put on his most innocent look, she just gave the kind of dignified snort that only a lady like Lucinda Walsh could give. “Marcus is a part of our lives right now solely to help Noah. Don’t get any funny ideas.”

Luke held up his hands, placating. “Alright, alright. I won’t.” And in his head, there was nothing funny about the plans he was making…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“So you don’t want to talk about it anymore, fine. What are you going to make me discuss today?” Noah tried as hard as he could to get comfortable in his chair.

Marcus wasn’t smiling anymore, getting himself into Session Mode. “I think it’s time we talk about your father.”

Noah tilted his head to the side. “Like we haven’t before?”

Marcus almost looked sorry. “Not like this. I want to talk more about your childhood today.”

Noah nodded without realizing. His mind was focused on counting and breathing. Counting and breathing.

“You do that a lot,” Marcus commented off-handedly.

“Do what?” Noah asked, distracted.

“Your hand. You’re always shaking and flexing your right hand. Why is that?” Marcus leaned back, his own hands resting comfortably across his stomach.

Noah stared at him for a moment, then looked down at his lap. Sure enough, his left hand was squeezing onto his right. He stretched his fingers a few times, then looked back up at Marcus with wide and slightly-suspicious eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Is your hand numb, by any chance? Does that happen often?” Marcus posed the question as though he were asking Noah what he had for breakfast.

Noah stopped himself from shrugging at the very last second. Don’t just shrug, think about your answer. Think about what you want to say. “Sometimes. I guess I’m used to it? I don’t really realize when it’s happening anymore.”

But obviously it happened enough for Marcus to notice. “When did it start?”

Noah put both hands firmly on the arms of his chair. “I don’t know. It just happens sometimes. Why is it so important? So what, I have poor circulation. Big deal.”

“Poor circulation in only one hand?” Marcus pointed out.

Noah sighed. “Look, I honestly don’t know why it happens. But I think you do, so just go ahead and tell me.”

Marcus chuckled, more than used to Noah’s straightforward behavior by now, before growing serious again. “I’m going to list some symptoms right now. You don’t have to say anything out loud, but I want you to see if any of them apply to you.”

“Symptoms?” Noah sat up a little straighter, eyes going wide again.

Marcus continued without answering Noah. “Poor communication skills. Self-doubt and shame. Feelings of fear and anxiety. Numbing of random parts of the body,” a pointed look at Noah’s tightly clenched hands. “Nightmares. Feeling different from others, feeling not accepted by a group, trouble recognizing and expressing feelings. Trouble initiating intimacy either physical or emotional. Psychosomatic illnesses like headaches and stomachaches. Self-blame. Self-destructive behavior. Feeling disconnected from your body. Feeling-”

“I get it!” Noah burst out, inwardly counting his breaths so he wouldn’t scream. “I get it, okay?” he continued quieter. “I was attacked, and I’m still messed up because of it. I know that, you don’t have to-”

“Noah,” Marcus spoke just as softly. “Those aren’t the symptoms of a survivor of sexual assault. Well, yes, some are. But that wasn’t what I was getting at.”

“What were you getting at?” Noah asked hesitantly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. His hand was going a little numb again, and now that Noah recognized that, he fought against showing it.

“Ever heard of Dr. Patrick Gannon? He’s a well known author and clinical psychologist who dealt with a specific type of trauma.” Marcus took a deep breath, knowing what Noah’s next question would be (if he could ever work up the nerve to ask it). “With adult survivors of child abuse.”

He expected Noah to shut down, to have a panic attack, maybe to bolt out of the room. So he was shocked when Noah simply shook his head, giving a little laugh. “I don’t… that doesn’t apply to me, okay? You’ve got it all wrong.”

“Not okay, Noah,” Marcus said firmly, recovering quickly.

“I wasn’t…” Noah trailed off, still shaking his head. The rest of his body was shaking slightly too, but he didn’t seem to notice. And that hand (Marcus wondered if it happened only when his father was brought up) was clasped tightly into a fist. “I’m not a…”

“You’re not a what?” he prodded. He really hadn’t expected Noah to be in such a state of denial about this. But hiding it, living with it for so long, he must have had to develop a mentality that it was normal, that nothing was wrong. Self-preservation. “Noah. What happened to you as a child was not your-”

“Don’t say it.”

“Noah,” Marcus was struck by the complete lack of emotion he was seeing in his patient now.

“Don’t. Don’t say it.” Noah was gripping the arms of the chair tightly. The rest of his body was as tense as Marcus had ever seen him since that first day in his hospital room, though his face stayed carefully blank. Like a soldier lining up in front of a superior officer.

“Don’t say it wasn’t your fault?” Marcus guessed, staying very carefully still.

“It can’t all be a coincidence, can it?” Noah asked, not wanting an answer. “Look at all the crap that’s happened. In the last two weeks, the last two years… my entire goddamn life. There’s something wrong with me.”

“You think that explains why you were dealt such a bad hand? You did something to deserve it all?” Marcus had been waiting for this discussion since he had first met Noah.

“How else do you explain it, why stuff keeps happening to me and people I care about? There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?” Noah just seemed so resigned to it, it almost broke Marcus’s heart to hear.

He leaned forward in his chair, trying to get Noah to look at him. “No. Sometimes, that’s life. Sometimes people get dealt bad hands.” After thinking for a moment, “Is it easier to believe you did something wrong instead of admitting your father was abusive for no reason at all?”

He bowed his head even further. “It makes more sense.”

“Just because it makes ‘more’ sense doesn’t mean it’s correct,” Marcus pointed out. “I’ve been telling you, Noah, that with real life sometimes these things just happen and we can’t explain it with logic. You had a bad father and a bad childhood. Sometimes that’s all there is.”

“He wasn’t always bad,” Noah protested weakly, shrinking back in his chair.

“I would hope not,” Marcus replied genially. “But we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to get you to a point where you can admit you were abused as a child.”

Noah was nearly biting through his lip now, cringing at his words. “I don’t-”

“Noah,” Marcus tried to stay rock-steady. “You don’t have to defend him anymore. He can’t hurt you here in this office. He can’t stop you from telling the truth anymore.”

Noah’s self-control was slipping. He pressed his lips tightly together to keep from trembling. After a minute or two he looked back up at the doctor. “He’s my dad,” he tried to explain, voice cracking slightly.

“Yes, he is. But that doesn’t give him a free pass. It’s admirable that you still want to grant him some respect after everything, but think about this: has he granted you that same care as a son?”

Noah stared at him, processing it all slowly. Finally, he shook his head. Marcus started to smile kindly, but Noah wasn’t finished. “But that doesn’t mean I was… he was strict, and mean, but he- I…” Noah took a moment to gather himself.

“Did he hit you?” Marcus had to ask.

“He punished me,” Noah thought that was answer enough.

“No, Noah. Until you can accept that your father was at fault, was abusing you for reasons not of your making, he’s always going to win. He’s always going to be able to hurt you. If you can face that the abuse had nothing to do with you, you can have that control of your life back.”

That sounded great to him, but there was no way it was possible. Eighteen years of a certain way of life couldn’t be dismissed just like that. “I don’t want to have gone through all of that for nothing,” he quietly admitted, talking more to his shoes than to Marcus.

“It wasn’t for nothing,” Marcus’s reply was quick and just as subdued. “It was horrible, and you shouldn’t have had to go through it, but it has turned you into the strong, compassionate person you are today.”

It felt so wrong to hear himself described that way, when nothing about him was strong. “No I’m not,” he whispered.

“Would you consider Holden Snyder a good father?” Marcus questioned.

Noah was a little thrown by the shift in subject. He nodded, wary of where this was going. “Yeah, of course I do.”

Marcus echoed the nod. “Could you ever see him treating Luke the way your father treated you?”

Noah was rocked by the question, and immediately jumped to Holden’s defense. “No way! No, Holden would never-” And there it was.

Noah went very still, staring at Marcus. The doctor looked back at him in understanding, but wasn’t smiling now. Which, in some backwards way, Noah appreciated. Because he was definitely not smiling. He tried to backtrack, knowing it was useless. “I just meant that-”

“Noah, you don’t have to lie to me. Or to anyone else. You strike me as someone who takes honesty very seriously.” (Noah had to admit, there were probably some members of the Snyder and Hughes families- as well as some faculty in the dean’s office- who would agree with that assessment.) “And why do you think that is? Maybe because you were often forced to lie, cover something up, that subconsciously you knew was wrong?” Noah didn’t know what to say. He liked being logical and pragmatic, and this was all making an uncomfortable amount of sense. “Did he force you to lie about bruises? His punishments?”

Noah’s head seemed to nod of its own accord. And he had no control over his mouth as it began to speak without his permission. “He wouldn’t even let me spend the night at friends’ houses, because they might see what I looked like. It just got easier not to have friends, he’d always make us move anyway.” Was he smiling right now? He was definitely trying to, but judging by Marcus’s face it wasn’t working. “By the time I started working in theaters and stuff, he must have… must have known what I was because he just got worse. He didn’t really hit me more than before, he just found ways to keep me scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of him and scared of whatever I was that was so bad.” Noah shook his head a little frantically. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have anyone else, anywhere else. I was trapped.”

“Until you came to Oakdale,” Marcus prompted.

He nodded. “But then I met Luke, and everything was… And Luke, he knew what I was too, and he was pushing me to-” he stopped again, eyes widening in realization. “That’s why I was mean to him in the beginning, wasn’t it? Because he was kinda like my dad, trying to make me be what he thought was best for me? Even if Luke was right, that’s why I reacted the way I did.”

“Sounds very probable,” Marcus agreed with just a hint of a smile, like a teacher watching a student solve a difficult math problem by himself for the first time.

“Then how can you tell me none of it was because of me? If I had done something different-”

“This isn’t one of your movies, Noah. Most of the time you can’t control what is or isn’t going to happen to you. It doesn’t mean that the bad things happened because of something you did.”

Noah shook his head miserably, eyes open but gazing at something that only he could see. “It was always my fault. It was always something I did. ‘If only,’ he always said. If only I had been better, he wouldn’t have had to punish me. If only I’d been a better son or student or athlete, he could find a way to be proud of me. If only I’d been more confident, I would’ve had more friends. If only I’d been straight, he wouldn’t have had to kill Luke or my mother.”

“Noah,” Marcus had to keep himself steady and sure. “Do you think all those ‘if onlys’ were just ways to justify his own actions and beliefs? Like maybe, ‘if only’ he’d been a better father, you might have been more confident in yourself and your abilities. If only he had accepted you, you wouldn’t have run away to Oakdale two years ago. If only he’d gotten help for his own issues, he wouldn’t have hurt you or your mother or Luke.”

Noah bit his lower lip, unconsciously drawing his legs up to curl into the leather chair. He looked more like a young boy than Marcus had ever seen him, and he wondered at that. “Nobody knew,” he went into whisper-mode. “Or nobody cared, I don’t know. But he was a Colonel, and nobody could question him. Nobody ever tried to stop him, so I thought it was supposed to happen to me, and he was right when he said I was making him do it.” Marcus nodded, even though Noah wasn’t looking at him. “Why didn’t I try to get help?”

“That’s something you’ll have to think about now,” Marcus answered as diplomatically as he could. He already knew the answer, but Noah had to figure it out for himself for this to mean anything. Noah looked up at him, eyes puffy and red, and Marcus almost didn’t want to say the next few words. “But for right now? Time’s up.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

It had seemed like such a long time since Lily had really and truly smiled. And so the grin on her face right now felt so, so good. And the fact that Holden stood slightly behind her, arms wrapped around her tightly, only made it better. She reluctantly tore her eyes away from the sight in front of her and looked to her husband, and his smile was just as bright.

“What?” he asked, catching her staring.

She shook her head, laughing a little. “You’re such a softie,” she teased.

Holden didn’t even try to protest, just turned back to stare out of the kitchen window out towards the barn. “Don’t let that get out,” he said quietly.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she answered solemnly, kissing his cheek before turning back to look at her children. Faith and Natalie had been playing in the barn when Luke and Noah got back from therapy, and no force on this earth could’ve stopped the girls from running to Noah. This was the first time they were seeing him, and the two weeks of separation had lent the girls a lot of strength.

“Noah!” One, or maybe both, of them screamed, heading straight for him. Noah smiled, looking almost relieved to see them, but before he could respond in any way, the girls latched onto him with bone-crunching hugs.

Noah was rocked backwards by their combined strength, and might have fallen over if Luke hadn’t been behind him. Luke spread his arms wide and caught all three of them, and then Noah found himself surrounded by Snyder siblings, three sets of arms wrapped around him. Noah had no idea who his arms were around, and he didn’t care. He had missed this so much, had missed them so much. Besides Luke, these were two people that Noah pretty much counted on to love him unconditionally. It was an alien feeling, but one Noah wanted for the rest of his life.

“Hey girls,” Noah said quietly, bowing his head until it rested between theirs. Natalie tightened her grip around his legs, her own face buried into his stomach, while Faith pulled back to study him. He smiled at her, meeting her gaze, nodding that he was alright.

“You sure?” Faith asked, knowing what the nod had been for.

“Cross my heart,” Noah promised. Faith grinned wide and went in for another hug, nearly knocking the air out of his lungs. Luke let out a shaky breath from right behind him, blowing it in his ear. Noah turned his head as much as he could to look at his boyfriend, the two of them smiling into a kiss they couldn’t help but share. Of course, it wasn’t the easiest kiss ever, considering two female Snyders were literally attached to his hip, but Noah could definitely say it was one of the best.

And somehow, Lily’s smile got even wider.

“Sight for sore eyes,” Jack commented next to her. She turned to see him watching the kids with a content look on his own face.

“Must have been a heavy therapy session,” Holden commented, not letting go of Lily. “Noah looks a little like he was hit by a semi.” Lily studied the boy a bit closer and had to agree. Noah was smiling now, light and happy, but his eyes were weary. They had that redness to them that only came from crying. She felt her smile slip a little then.

“I’m betting they talked about his dad today,” Jack confided quietly.

“How do you know?” Lily asked, Holden finally turning to Jack too.

Jack shrugged. “Noah was saying yesterday that Dr. Weston hadn’t brought him up yet. I figured it’d be coming soon.” He shook his head sadly. “I’ve been trying for two days to work up the courage to tell him about the Colonel’s trial, and now… I guess I’ll wait one more day.”

“Trial?” Holden hadn’t even thought about that.

“Next week,” Jack said simply. “Alan’s will be the week after that. And Noah will probably have to testify in both.”

“Oh God,” Lily whispered, wishing what she was seeing outside the window would last forever. At some point while Jack had been talking, Natalie and Faith had knocked both boys to the ground and were currently sitting on them, regaling them with some happy story or another.

“Yeah,” Jack sighed in agreement. “Maybe I should just get it over with, tell him when we go to the pond today. I don’t know.”

Holden reached out, putting a hand briefly on Jack’s shoulder. “I haven’t thanked you, Jack, for everything you’ve done for Noah. Being there for him.”

“Neither of us have,” Lily put in. “And Luke too. You’ve helped him so much.”

And Jack found he could smile again. “It’s helped me too, I have to admit. Exorcising demons and all that. I’ve never… I’ve never had a reason to put what happened with Julia to any sort of good use. If it’s helped Noah get through what happened to him, then maybe…” he shrugged. Both Lily and Holden were smiling at him now, and Jack felt like telling them to cut it out.

A pair of arms encircled him now, mirroring Lily and Holden’s stance. He didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. “The boys are back?” Janet tried to peer out the window around his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Holden said quietly, back to watching the kids. He saw how content Luke and Noah looked, how much more comfortable Noah seemed being surrounding by people and how Luke was focused happily on whatever story Faith was telling. “Yeah,” he said again. “Our boys are back.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“I can’t believe you want to play matchmaker,” Noah chuckled. Luke could feel the laugh rumbling through Noah’s chest, where Luke’s head was currently resting. They were lying on a blanket at the pond, staring up at the clouds. Luke would occasionally point out a shape as it floated by, and Noah would make fun of him for it. They really were getting back to old form, Luke realized with a hidden smile.

“I just think they obviously still have some issues with each other. Wouldn’t we be doing them a service to get them together to talk about it?” Luke posed the question innocently.

“No,” Noah answered immediately. “But is anything going to stop you now?”

“No,” Luke deepened his voice goofily, trying to mimic his boyfriend.

Noah chuckled again, dropping a kiss into Luke’s hair. They lay there lazily for awhile longer, Luke using a finger to play a game of tic-tac-toe on Noah’s shirt, trying to tickle him, when Noah spoke up again. “Hey Luke?”

“Yeah?” Luke was a little distracted, trying to get three X’s in a row.

Noah squirmed a little, either from Luke’s hand or the subject he was about to bring up. “I’ve been thinking…”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Luke murmured off-handedly.

Noah flicked his ear before continuing. “I think I’m going to stay at the farm for a little while longer.”

Luke frowned, rubbing at his ear. “Okay… weren’t you going to stay anyway?”

“Not forever,” Noah answered. “I just think, um, wouldn’t it be best to stay here until our lease starts?”

Luke turned quickly, propping himself up on his elbows next to Noah. “Our lease?”

Noah squirmed again, cutely embarrassed. “It starts in a month. Doesn’t make sense for me to go somewhere else before then, right?”

Luke intently studied his boyfriend for a moment, before leaning down for a sweet, lingering kiss. “You still want to move into the apartment?” Luke had purposefully not brought this up yet, not wanting to pressure Noah into anything and (more honestly) not wanting to feel disappointed if Noah decided he couldn’t do it right now.

Noah nodded vehemently. “I really, really do. It’s time, isn’t it? For us.”

Another kiss, deeper and somehow even sweeter. “It’s always our time. But I don’t want you to think you can’t stay here forever, Noah, because you can. This is your home now.”

Noah blinked hard, reaching up to run both hands through Luke’s hair before pulling his head back down to meet Luke’s mouth with his own. “No it’s not,” he answered softly, smiling shyly. “My home is wherever you are.”

Luke just stared at him for a moment. He couldn’t believe he actually had someone in his life who said things like that. About him. “I am so in love with you,” he whispered a little hoarsely. Noah opened his mouth, probably to say ‘same here’ or something else unbearably sweet, but Luke couldn’t wait. He dived forward again, and this kiss lasted longer and better than anything Luke had felt before. And that electrical surge ran through him again when Noah’s arms pulled him on top.

Luke finally broke the kiss, looking down at the gorgeous guy lying under him, who was gazing up at him like he was the most amazing thing in the world. He could die of happiness right here, he really could.

Stupid universe.

The sky opened up right then without warning, dropping buckets and buckets of rain on them. Luke sprang up immediately, but Noah tried to pull him back down. “It’s just rain, can’t we stay?” he asked plaintively, voice just barely heard over the pouring rain.

Luke shook his head sternly, pushing already-soaked hair out of his eyes. “No way, babe. You just got over pneumonia! Don’t even think for a second I’m going to let you-”

“Alright, alright,” Noah got to his feet, pulling Luke up to his too. “Bossy…” Luke smacked him lightly on the chest before he could continue.

They ran for the shelter of the house, hands clasped together tightly. The house was empty, with Jack and Janet both at work and Emma out running errands, so Luke had no qualms about leading Noah up to his bedroom. “Alright, wet clothes off now,” he ordered as he bustled around his room, gathering dry clothes together for him and Noah. When he was met with nothing but silence, Luke turned around with a questioning look on his face.

Noah was standing in the middle of the room, completely soaked, shirt plastered to his skin. His hands were gripping the bottom of his shirt like he had been about to pull it off, but now he seemed frozen, pale. “Luke…”

Luke’s face fell. With the way things had been going recently, he had actually forgotten what this must feel like to Noah. “God, Noah, it’s okay. I didn’t mean-”

Noah shook his head. “It’s not that. It’s just, I’m not fully healed and…” he shook his head, ashamed. “There are still marks, Luke. On me.”

“Noah,” Luke exhaled, agonized. He took a few steps forward, encouraged when Noah didn’t tense up or back away. He put his hands over Noah’s, not moving them, just holding. He waited until Noah finally met his eyes, and tried to convey as much reassurance as he could. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But I… I just see you.”

Noah’s eyes were wet as they bore into Luke’s, looking for something. Luke didn’t know what, but he held the gaze steadily, confidently. Finally Noah nodded, bit his lip, and with Luke’s help, pulled his shirt up and over his head. He stood with eyes closed for a moment, readying himself, before looking to see Luke’s reaction.

Luke kept his eyes on Noah’s face, reassuring. He stripped off his own shirt, only breaking eye contact when the material passed over his face. Carefully, slowly, he put his hands on Noah’s stomach, ran them up his bare chest to his shoulders, then up to his face, pulling him in for a kiss. “I just see you,” he repeated firmly.

Noah sucked in some air before pulling Luke into him again, hungry and desperate. They were dueling for position now, mouths open and taking in the other, hands everywhere. Noah moved them backwards bit by bit until suddenly Luke found himself falling forward onto his bed, Noah underneath him. He propped himself up on elbows that landed on either side of Noah’s head, his fingers tangling immediately in that irresistible dark hair.

Noah’s hands, meanwhile, had skimmed down Luke’s body to land at the top of his jeans, fumbling with the button and the zipper. “Noah?” Luke gasped, half out of shock and half out of breath. “You, you sure?”

Noah stilled, taking a moment to kiss Luke deeply again. Then he nodded, almost calm. “Please,” was all he said.

And Luke didn’t have to be told twice. He let Noah go back to work on his jeans even as he worked on Noah’s, undoing the belt and the button quickly, almost afraid that Noah would change his mind. But jeans and boxer-briefs were removed and still Noah was there, reaching to bring Luke down for another kiss. And Luke obliged happily. It was an amazing feeling, being fully skin to skin with each other. It almost felt like the first time all over again. And in a way, it was.

Noah’s face was flushed, and not just from the heat they were currently generating. Luke trailed his eyes down his boyfriend’s body until he saw one. On his abdomen, right above his belly button. Calling it a hickey seemed way too juvenile and trivial for what it really was. Alan had left teeth marks on his boyfriend.

Making a quick decision and hoping it was the right one, Luke slid down Noah’s body until his face was level with the mark. Then he kissed it slowly. Kissed all of the marks, silent and gentle, until he was back to Noah’s face. “You’re beautiful, you really are,” he whispered.

His face turned even pinker, but he didn’t seem able to speak just yet. He swallowed heavily, pulling Luke down until he was lying flush on top of Noah. “You have no idea how much you mean to me,” Noah finally murmured back, his hands wandering farther down Luke’s body.

Luke couldn’t stop the full-body shudder at the sensations, at the way Noah always got him to react. “Beautiful,” he managed to say again, tasting Noah’s lips and mouth again, his own hands exploring. God, he felt so good. “I love you so much,” he pulled back a little to take in as much of Noah with his eyes as he could. Then he looked Noah in the face determinedly. “Let me show you?” And there was barely any hesitation before Noah nodded.

Many hours and many times later, they were lying on their sides facing each other, Noah’s head resting in the crooks of Luke’s arm. Luke had a sudden flash of memory- the first time Noah had snuck into his room after a nightmare. Well, tonight was so very different, wasn’t it? For one thing, neither of them were wearing pants. And for another, Noah was smiling, peaceful. “Are you happy?” Luke asked softly, brushing some sweat-soaked hair out of his boyfriend’s eyes.

Noah grabbed the hand, kissed it. “Happy doesn’t even begin to cover it,” he said with a little smirk.

Luke was somewhere between wanting to smack him with a pillow and wanting to kiss him. So of course he went with the latter. After they both came up for air, Noah took a deep and content breath, letting it out slowly as he ran one hand slowly up and down Luke’s bare chest, fingers grazing against the skin. He was smiling.

Luke decided in this moment that he could die of happiness. This is what it’s supposed to feel like, he realized. He kissed Noah’s forehead before drawing the comforter up over both of them. “Welcome home, Noah Mayer.”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming up: a sentencing, a new beginning for an old relationship, and a Snyder family picnic...

Chapter 15: Fifteen

Summary:

A sentencing, a new beginning for an old relationship, and a Snyder family picnic.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! :)

Two months later…

He heard Noah’s voice before he saw him. Saw them. When Lily had told him where Noah was with a dizzily happy smile on her face, Luke should have known he’d find something like this.

“Stay really still,” Noah was whispering. “Here they come, here they come.” He was kneeling on the ground and resting back on his heels, one arm around Ethan who was leaning into his lap. Both of them held torn up pieces of bread in their outstretched hands, and Ethan watched with cartoon-wide eyes as a family of ducks hopped out of the pond and came towards them. Of course they reached Noah’s long arm first, and Ethan almost gasped as the little fuzzball ducklings ate right out of Noah’s hand.

Luke stayed where he was, a few yards away, content to watch and grin unabashedly. “Will they bite?” he heard his little brother ask, suddenly timid in the presence of the dozen birds quacking in front of him.

“No, no, you just have to be nice to them,” Noah answered calmly, smiling. “You wouldn’t like it if some crazy giant threw peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at your face, would you?” The arm wrapped around Ethan reached in to tickle at him.

Ethan giggled, not bothering to squirm away. “Noah!” he admonished. “You promised I could feed them!”

“Okay, okay, you’re right,” Noah was properly contrite, and he gently eased Ethan up and forward until they were both kneeling on the ground next to the ducks, dropping bits and pieces of bread for them. They continued for some time while talking too quietly for Luke to hear what they were saying, though occasionally he could make out their laughter (and more than once his own name spoken between them).

When the ducks finally slid back into the pond and swam away, and after Noah obeyed Ethan’s command to wave goodbye to them, Luke stepped forward, coming up to stand right behind his boyfriend, knees pressing lightly into his back. Noah tilted his head upwards with an embarrassed smile, so Luke bent down to give him a quick upside down kiss.

“Luke!” Ethan cried out excitedly.

Luke settled down onto the grass next to Noah, shoulder to shoulder. “Howdy, sheriff,” he answered. Ethan was going through a Western phase. Luke couldn’t say for sure, but he thought it had something to do with all the episodes of The Lone Ranger Noah and Holden had gotten Ethan to watch recently.

“We fed ducks!” Ethan said in the same jubilant (and loud) tone.

“I saw!” Luke tried to match his voice. Ethan didn’t notice, but Noah suddenly went through a coughing fit trying to hide his laughter. Luke rubbed his back while he caught his breath and turned back to his little brother. “Speaking of fed, I think Mom has some lunch for you, buddy. You want to head on back to the house?”

“Okay!” Ethan jumped back up to his feet and took a few steps down the path before turning expectantly back to them. “Noah, are you coming?”

“Oh,” Noah looked surprised, and was about to get to his feet when Luke stopped him by putting an arm around his shoulders.

“Sorry Ethan, Noah’s going to show me how to feed the ducks for a little while now, okay?” Luke grinned when Noah had to choke down another laugh.

“Okay!” Ethan said again and, with a cheery wave, scurried off back to the farmhouse. Leaving Luke and Noah alone at the pond.

Noah shook his head. “I really hope that’s not your new code for sex. ‘Cause that’s just disturbing.”

Luke leaned over and kissed him quickly before smirking. “Better or worse than ice cream?”

Noah laughed again, though it ended with another coughing fit. Luke rubbed at his back again, waiting for it to subside. He had learned in the past two months that ‘happily ever after’ didn’t come without its little setbacks. Case in point: Noah’s pneumonia. Not eating properly (a.k.a. ‘hardly at all’) those first few days out the hospital, and that one day getting caught out in the rain, had lead to a resurgence of the illness.

Not as serious as it had been the first time, Luke had to admit, but enough to knock Noah off his feet for awhile longer. And while no one had been really happy about that (least of all Noah), always having Noah near a bed hadn’t been the most annoying thing the universe had ever thrown at them.

Noah cleared his throat one last time, bringing Luke back to the present as he leaned his head down onto Luke’s shoulder with a contented sigh. Luke readjusted his arm so it wrapped around Noah’s waist, pulling him that much closer. Together they sat watching Noah’s ducks swim around Snyder pond. “How’s today going for you?” he asked, rubbing his cheek slightly into the soft dark hair.

“Better than yesterday,” Noah completed the ritual. Luke could almost feel him smiling. “I’m… I’m really happy, Luke.”

His heart thumped heavily in his chest, and for a second Luke had to try to catch his own breath. With everything that had happened in the past two and a half months… Luke had at one time been afraid he’d never hear those words from his boyfriend. “Me too,” he whispered hoarsely.

Noah turned his head up to look questioningly at Luke, hearing the hitch in his tone, but before he could say anything Luke had twisted around to capture Noah’s mouth with his. To his credit, Noah was shocked for barely a second before responding. He leaned back, pulling Luke down until they were lying on the bank of the pond together, never breaking contact. A part of Luke just wanted to rip all their clothes off right then and there, but he knew there’d be time for that later.

Right now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment. He kept the kisses slow, gentle and deep, his hands staying tangled in Noah’s hair. Noah was apparently of the same mind, his hands supporting Luke’s body but not boldly exploring. They had all the time in the world…

Who knows how long (or how far) this would have gone on, but soon enough the boys heard the familiar sounds of running feet and giggling. They broke apart and sat back up in just enough time as three girls- Sage must have come early to visit Jack- burst into the clearing by the pond and headed for the water. “Hi Luke! Hi Noah!” they called out, echoing each other and still laughing before jumping in.

Luke waved with a slightly fake smile on his face. “Never fails,” he groaned quietly to Noah. “Privacy is definitely not a word in the Snyder Vocabulary.”

As always, Noah just grinned when Luke pouted. “Then I guess it’s a good thing we’ve got our own vocabulary.” He bumped Luke’s shoulder with his own. “It’s not like we get interrupted that often anymore anyway.”

Luke couldn’t help but return the grin. They had finally- finally- moved into their apartment a month ago and, for someone who couldn’t sit still for more than thirty seconds, Luke had pretty much fallen in love with domesticity. Grocery shopping, doing the dishes, making breakfast in the morning- okay, watching Noah make breakfast in the morning- Luke was soaking it all up. Because as scary as it was taking this next step, sharing a room and a life with someone else, it was also amazing.

Being with Noah every day didn’t get boring, because every day he got the chance to learn something new. Like how Noah mumbled his notes out loud under his breath when he was studying late at night. How he was fluent in friggin’ Japanese. How he had learned to surf when he was fourteen but hadn’t lived near an ocean since. How he made shopping lists for every shopping trip, no matter how small or trivial. How he had to have two pillows, tucking his hand between them while he slept.

Or how he hung up every picture Natalie or Ethan drew for them, no matter how crazy the drawing was. They’d been there a month, and their fridge was already covered. They had moved on to tacking the papers up on the pantry door.

Luke liked what he was learning about himself too. Maybe it was everything that had happened, maybe it was Noah’s influence, or maybe he was just growing up, but the stupid, trivial stuff that used to upset him no longer mattered as much. He couldn’t honestly say he kept track, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t picking as many silly fights as he used to.

They weren’t fully mature adults just yet- the boxes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fruit snacks in the pantry proved that- but they were on their way. And it felt awesome. Also awesome? Not having to say goodbye to each other at the end of the night. Now they only ever had to say good morning.

More noises from all around once again shook Luke out of his thoughts. He glanced back the way of the farmhouse, hearing the sounds of cars pulling up, doors opening and closing, and lots more voices. Including a particular group of voices that Luke had been waiting for. He looked back at Noah, who was watching the girls playing in the pond with a smile on his face. He drank in the sight for just a few seconds more before squeezing Noah’s waist a little tighter. “Sounds like people are arriving. You might want to get back to the house with me to greet your guests.”

Noah glanced at Luke and shook his head. His smile turned shyer. “They’re not my guests.” He rose to his feet, holding his hand out to help Luke up too.

Luke managed not to shake his own head, smirking with more than a little exasperation. Some things, he was learning, would probably never change. “Actually, there’s at least two people here who actually are, so, um…” He glanced up and away innocently, just this side of whistling a tune and twiddling his thumbs.

Noah’s eyes immediately narrowed as they headed back towards the house. “Luuuuuke,” he drew the name out suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

Luke made sure his own eyes were wide and innocent. “What do you mean? It’s a Snyder family picnic! I just invited a few more people who have, you know, recently become honorary members of the family. That’s all.”

Noah was smirking now too. “That’s all. Really.”

“Really,” Luke had never realized how high pitched his own voice could get. They made it through the path and stepped out of the tree line, and Luke had to work harder than he ever had in his life to keep up his innocent expression. Especially when Noah caught sight of who had just arrived and turned to stare at Luke. “What?”

Noah mock-glared. “I didn’t know Dr. Weston was coming to the picnic today.”

“I didn’t tell you?” Don’t smile, don’t smile, don’t smile.

Noah brought both of them to a standstill, hands on both of Luke’s shoulders. “You’re setting them up. You’re setting up Dr. Weston and Lucinda.”

Luke nodded excitedly, giving up all pretense of cool innocence, holding onto Noah’s hands. “It’s gonna happen today. They’re perfect for each other, and they’ll both be here. And Sarah promised to help.”

“Sarah?” Noah looked up again, just as Sarah got out of her own car. She was soon followed by two more people Noah and the Snyders had gotten to know recently, Sarah’s husband Danny and her daughter Grace. Grace, her bathing suit evident under an oversized t-shirt, immediately ran off to the pond in search of Faith, Sage, and Natalie, while Danny and Sarah were already engaged in conversation with Katie, Margo, and Tom.

Okay, Luke had to amend, it wasn’t really just a Snyder family picnic. It was an Everybody family picnic. Everybody who had come together to help the Snyders in the last few months was here today to celebrate. Oakdale had gone about a week without any major terrifying incident, and the Snyder family felt like commemorating the occasion. There were dozens of people milling around the yard, and even more still arriving.

He realized Noah was still staring at him, so Luke tried to widen his smile and use his own puppy-dog eyes. A few seconds ticked away, and then Luke could actually see the moment Noah melted under the stare. “Come on, you’re not mad at me or anything, are you?” he even went so far as to stick out his bottom lip for effect.

Noah sighed ruefully, taking Luke’s hand in his and linking their fingers together tightly. “My boyfriend is trying to set up his grandmother with my therapist. What could possibly be weird about that?” he asked under his breath as they joined the party. Luke grinned lovingly at him, and would have replied if a tiny dark-haired ball of fury had not attacked them right then. Noah had no time to react as someone grabbed him fiercely and hugged him, his hand accidentally slipping from Luke’s. “What-?”

Luke’s eyes widened as Noah panicked, but a second later both of them were smiling as the girl that was wrapped around Noah turned to Luke without letting him go. “God, you two. Have you ever heard of a friggin’ phone? Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been, about both of you? You can’t call me and tell me you’re okay, I have to hear about it from Henry? What is wrong with you?”

“Hi Maddie,” they chorused together, looking appropriately sheepish. Luke stepped closer so he could take Noah’s outstretched hand back in his, gripping it tightly. Noah smiled over Maddie’s head at him, silently reassuring that he was okay.

Maddie turned back to Noah, holding his face, studying him seriously. “I could have been here, you know. I would have wanted to be,” she told him firmly. He nodded, smiling a little. She continued, looking back and forth between them sternly. “Now. There is never going to be a next time. But. If there is, I better be on speed dial, got it?”

“Yes Maddie,” they answered together again.

Maddie smiled then, hugging Noah tighter briefly before letting go and hugging Luke. “Well, considering both of my ex-boyfriends are here with their current boyfriend or girlfriend, I think I’m going to go see if your mom needs help with anything in the kitchen.”

Luke hugged her back happily. This was the Maddie he knew and loved. That whole debacle from Christmas and New Years was completely forgotten and in the past, almost like it had been a whole other person. “Wow Madds, way to perpetuate the female stereotype.”

She smacked him on the arm. “Whatever, Gay Boy. Like you and Noah haven’t been keeping up the gay stereotype of being sex-crazed.” The bright red blush on both their faces was her answer there. She grinned triumphantly as she headed into the house.

As soon as she was inside, Casey popped up behind Noah’s shoulder. “Is she gone?”

Noah chuckled while Luke just shook his head. “Casey. Don’t tell me you’re scared of a girl who’s barely over five feet tall.”

Casey grinned. “Ah, not just any girl who’s barely over five feet tall. Those, not so much. Maddie? A whole lot.”

“Wuss,” Luke teased.

“Hey, I’m not a wuss!” Casey protested. “I laugh in the face of danger…” he shrugged. “Then I hide until it goes away.” He grabbed both Luke and Noah by their arms and started dragging them over to where the barbeque was set up. “Come on, let’s go eat!”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Holden stood off to the side, taking in the masses in front of him. It was a family picnic for the ages, that was for sure. Nearby were Brad, Katie, Henry, and Vienna joking around as they ate, Katie with one hand resting against her slightly growing stomach. Jack, Dallas, Tom, and just-arrived Aaron (who, like Maddie, had been upset that he hadn’t been called) were getting into an animated discussion about football nearby, while Janet, Liberty, and Jade were sitting with Meg and fawning over little baby Eliza.

Marcus and Bob were telling some old (very old, according to them) story to a captive audience of Kim, Susan, Emma, and Sarah. Sarah’s husband Danny was currently entertaining Ethan, Natalie, and Sage. The other two girls, Faith and Grace, were in the middle of an argument with Parker that Holden had no hope of following, though he was sure it had something to do with one band being better than another. He had tuned it out when ‘MTV’ had been mentioned, as most men his age tended to do.

Lucinda, Dusty, and Margo were chatting at another table about some update in the Worldwide business, though Holden noticed that Lucinda cast several glances over to where Noah’s therapist was sitting. He saved that thought to ponder on a rainy day.

Alison and Maddie passed him as they went to get seconds at the barbeque, leaving Casey, Hunter, and Noah sitting at their own table, joking and laughing lightly. Holden couldn’t describe how happy and relieved he was to see Noah smiling again. He watched him for a moment, and was startled when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist from behind.

“It’s certainly a full house today, isn’t it?” Lily commented as she and Luke joined Holden.

“Certainly is,” he answered, shifting to put one of his own arms around his wife. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Luke raised his eyebrows. “And definitely not for a trip to Kentucky?” he asked knowingly.

Holden shrugged. “I decided not to go this year, it’s no big deal. There’ll be other horse shows. My place is here right now.” Staying to help take care of Noah through the trials and the resurgence of pneumonia definitely took precedence over Kentucky. And it had nothing to do with-

“And it has nothing to do with Damian?” Luke literally echoed his thoughts. If Holden wasn’t convinced they were father-and-son before, he definitely was now.

Damian had suddenly reappeared in their lives nearly two months ago, just before the trials for Colonel Mayer and Alan had begun. Both Luke and Holden had immediately tried to kick him out of town, but the man refused to go. He wanted to make amends, he wanted to start over and get to know his son. He even went so far as to appeal to Noah and try to bond with his son’s boyfriend to show how much he had changed.

It had taken some persuasion on both Noah and Lily’s part to get Luke to come around, but gradually over the past two weeks Luke had met with his biological father, even going so far as to admit that yes, maybe he had changed. Luke was on his way to making peace with Damian, but was nowhere near letting down his guard just yet.

And if it were up to Holden, the Maltese jackass would be on the quickest flight back to Europe. He had never trusted Damian and he never would. Luckily he hadn’t had to think about the man that much, as at the time most of the family was preoccupied with the trials and helping Noah fight off the pneumonia. But now… now Holden’s worry was growing to encompass the whole family. If Damian was up to something, he wasn’t going to let any of them get hurt.

He shook himself free of those thoughts when Lily kissed him, calming him. She smiled, probably knowing what he was thinking about. Luke was grinning more than a little smugly too. Holden shrugged. “Well, he certainly never helps a situation. But we’re not going to think about him today, are we? Today is about family. Our family.”

“Our family plus twenty,” Luke pointed out cheekily, turning back to the buffet table in front of them to load up another plate for him and Noah.

“Noah’s eating enough now, right?” Lily asked, trying to keep the mothering tone out of her voice, obviously making sure Luke was putting vegetables and protein on the plate and not just Emma’s sweets.

Luke rolled his eyes a little anyway. “Yes, Mother Dearest. He’s doing a lot better. Still coughs a little, but otherwise he’s fine. He’s already obsessing about his senior project, so I think he’s about as ‘Noah’ as Noah can be.”

“And I’m glad for it,” Lily replied immediately. “Has he gotten everything figured out with that yet?” They had all been so happy that Noah wanted to go back to school in the fall, even more happy to hear that he had been accepted into the Honor’s Program.

Luke nodded exasperatedly. “Of course he has. He’s got everything organized and planned down to the minute and second-”

“He’s not pushing himself too hard already, is he?” Holden had to ask, eyes straying back to the table where Noah and Hunter were laughing at something Casey said.

Luke just barely managed to not roll his eyes this time. “Come on guys, it’s Noah. I’d be more worried if he wasn’t being OCD about all of it.” He smiled cheerfully, kissing his mom on the cheek. “Save your worry for whenever the next catastrophic event happens.”

“Oh God, don’t say that,” Lily teased. “You’ll jinx us for sure now.” Luke just laughed at her.

Holden shook his head, chuckling. “Whatever it ends up being,” he said, glancing around at his crazy, messy, completely loving family, “we can handle it.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Seriously Casey. You have to watch it. It’s really kinda awesome,” Hunter said as though he were testing out new vocabulary. He had loosened up a lot around the friends, but there were still some things that came very awkwardly to him. Like using the word ‘kinda.’

“It is?” Casey looked back and forth between them skeptically. “I mean, I don’t mean to doubt you, but a forty-five minute musical starring Doogie Howser? I mean, sure he was awesome in Harold and Kumar, but I don’t know…”

“You’ll love it, trust me,” Noah insisted, nodding so enthusiastically that it looked like it might hurt his neck, a big grin on his face.

“Alright dude, I trust you. But just so you know, I’m not going to have a whole lot of time on my hands starting in a few weeks,” Casey began proudly, winding up to proclaiming his big news.

“Why not?” Noah asked, frowning slightly. “Did you get a new job, or… are you working more at the hospital?”

Casey shrugged way too casually. “Oh, I had to quit the hospital job. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that and all my homework, so-”

“You’re going back to school?” Noah’s smile returned. “What? When did this happen?”

“A few days ago,” Casey let the smile grow on his own face now, happy to share the news. “Got the letter from the Dean, and I get to pick out my classes this week.” He shook his head, embarrassed. “You should have seen my mom. She went nuts. Had this big ol’ family surprise party and everything.”

“That’s awesome, Casey. It really is,” Noah told him. “I’m sorry we couldn’t be at the party-”

“Dude, hey,” Casey waved him off. “Seriously, I think you pretty much have enough good excuses to last the next six eternities. Don’t worry about it.” He started to grin again. “Besides, you’re going to make it up to me.”

Noah’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “How?” He had visions of Casey trying to get him to do his homework for him or something, maybe playing pranks on teachers.

But Casey just punched him in the shoulder. “Think about it, Noah! We’re the only two people here that are in college! We’re going to have to be study and drinking buddies! It’s going to be epic!”

Noah shook his head, unable to fight off a smile at Casey’s antics. He looked to Hunter for help, but Hunter was busy staring at something behind Noah’s shoulder. Noah turned to see Maddie talking to Henry and Brad. He looked back at Hunter. “Hunter? You okay over there?”

Hunter jumped a little, startled at being caught staring. “No. No, I, uh, just…” he heaved a giant, dramatic sigh. “I may have… embarrassed myself in front of Maddie earlier.”

Casey put a hand to his heart, feigning surprise. “You? No!”

Hunter nodded, taking Casey seriously. “I did. I did. It’s just… This may come as a shock, but I’m actually… not very good at talking to girls.”

Noah managed to keep a straight and stoic face. “Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Luke was at the sink, simultaneously washing dishes and spying on his boyfriend outside when he heard someone else enter the kitchen. He turned and smiled warmly as Dr. Weston came to stand next to him, leaning a little against the counter. “Hi Dr. Weston.”

“Hi Luke. How’s the apartment?” Marcus asked, the tiniest bit of a knowing smile on his face.

Luke found himself blushing just a little. He had no idea what Noah and Marcus talked about in their weekly sessions. Somehow, it being Noah and all, he doubted they talked about his sex life… but there was a possibility, wasn’t there?

He cleared his throat, glancing back out the window to where the boyfriend in question was talking with Lucinda and Vienna. Well. That was an interesting combination of people, wasn’t it? “The apartment’s great,” he finally asked, unable to keep the smile off his face.

“Good to hear,” Marcus also glanced out the window, eyes straying to Lucinda for a second before turning back to Luke. “You and I haven’t really talked that much since the trials. But I wanted to tell you, Luke, that I’ve been so impressed with how well you’ve taken care of Noah. You should be really, really proud of yourself. You did an incredible thing.”

He was blushing more than a little now. “I didn’t do all that much. Noah had to do all the work, not me. He’s incredible.”

Marcus chuckled, handing Luke the next dish to be cleaned. “I won’t argue there. But you really can’t sell yourself short, son. What you’ve had to go through and deal with, especially at your age… it would’ve broken a lesser man. And coming from this old man,” he gestured to himself, “I’m honored to know you. Both of you.”

Luke blinked hard, staring down at the dish in his hands. “I, um… thank you. And really, thank you. How you’ve helped Noah- I don’t know what we would’ve done without you. Really.”

Marcus clapped Luke on the back. “I’m just doing my job, Luke. I mean, of course I care about Noah, and he deserves all the support and all the good things that come his way, but I’m his doctor. It’s my job to get him better. You’re doing it because you want to. Because you love him. That speaks a lot more of your character than it does of mine.”

Luke didn’t know how to respond at first, so he concentrated hard on the dishes for a bit. No matter what the doctor said, Luke knew he had been a hugely important presence in Noah’s life since they had started their sessions. Thinking back on Colonel Mayer’s trial, Luke honestly didn’t know how all of them had gotten through it unscathed…

It had been awhile since Luke had been to the courthouse. He couldn’t say he missed it. He stood on the steps just outside the building, his eyes glued to his boyfriend. Noah was leaning against the pillar next to the stairs with his eyes closed, breathing deeply and slowly. They were the only ones out here, everyone else waiting for them inside.

The Colonel’s trial was almost over, they were just waiting for the verdict and they needed their key witness inside to hear it. Unfortunately, that key witness was trying to remember how to breathe at the moment and stop his hands from shaking.

Luke checked his watch one more time, reluctantly stepping closer and touching Noah’s shoulder. “Hey. It’s time to go in, love.”

Noah opened his eyes, and for just a second Luke got a glimpse of that eight-year-old boy again. But then it was gone, and Noah was taking a deep breath, nodding. “Okay,” he said quietly. He visibly gathered up his courage, looking to Luke again. “I can do this. Right?”

Luke reached out and straightened Noah’s tie, taking unnecessary time to readjust the knot. It brought a small smile to Noah’s face- mission accomplished. “Yes. You can. You are. And don’t forget how many people are here for you, okay? You’re not alone.”

Noah put his hands over Luke’s, holding them tight to his chest. “Never again.” They leaned in together to touch foreheads, getting strength from each other, and then Noah nodded. “Let’s go.”

They held hands as they walked in, and Luke was struck by how different this trial was from Alan’s. Because of the nature of that case- and the charges being brought up- the judge had agreed to let it be a closed door trial. Which was good in that hardly anyone had to hear Noah’s testimony, but bad in that Luke couldn’t be one of those ‘anyones.’ The rules had been so strict, only Jack and Marcus had been allowed into the trial with Noah, and Jack only because he was also testifying.

Noah hadn’t said much to Luke about what had gone on behind those doors, but after spending a few hours at the pond with Jack he had come back to the house in a better, more peaceful, mood than Luke had expected.

And, shockingly, Luke had left it at that. Noah was telling him things a little at a time, and he was slowly getting a clearer picture of just what Alan had done in the cabin and in the hospital room. And that almost made a part of him very happy that he hadn’t been at the trial and seen that bastard face-to-face again.

But that was then, and Luke was pretty sure this trial was worse. The charges against Colonel Mayer were no less devastating than Alan’s, probably harder because Noah had to face down the last twenty years. Everyone had been there for him, and everyone had had to sit there and listen as Noah described exactly what his father had put him through. At one point Luke was pretty sure he was holding back both of his parents from standing up and going after Mayer.

Luke himself had made the decision before the trial began: don’t think about the Colonel, think about Noah. So instead of anger, Luke had felt nothing but pride during the testimony. Noah was telling everyone, but especially his father and himself, that what had happened to him was wrong. And it was his father’s fault, not his.

The jury had deliberated for less than an hour, and now Luke was leading Noah back into the courthouse, back into courtroom. As they entered, the entire Snyder family and about half of Oakdale following behind them like the army they were, Luke stared hard at the jury, hoping one of them would give him some indication of what they had decided. No such luck.

Luke squeezed Noah’s hand one more time before Noah had to let go and sit up at the prosecutor’s table with Tom and a few associates. Luke took his seat on the bench right behind him, Lily and Holden and Marcus right next to him, the rest of their party in the rows behind. No one sat behind the Colonel.

The judge called everyone to order. “Has the jury reached a verdict?”

The foreman stood, a piece of paper held resolutely in his hand. Luke zeroed in on that paper, but try as he might to employ superhero vision, he couldn’t read what it said. “We have, Your Honor.”

“What say you?”

“In the matter of Noah Mayer vs. Winston Mayer, on charges of kidnapping, aggravated assault, and reckless endangerment, we the jury find the defendant guilty. In the matter of the state of Illinois vs. Winston Mayer, on the charges of aggravated assault, attempted murder, and first degree murder of a police officer, we the jury find the defendant guilty. On all charges,” the man read, a hint of satisfaction creeping into his tone.

The collective relieved sigh that escaped the room went unnoticed by no one as the judge dismissed the court. Noah barely showed any reaction, besides to nod to Tom when the man put a hand on his shoulder. He was very still, especially compared to the flurry of movement behind him as everyone else celebrated. Luke wouldn’t have been surprised to see confetti thrown into the air.

He ignored his family and moved to the gate between the table and the benches, reaching for his boyfriend. Noah stood and, with no hesitation, barreled straight into Luke’s arms, hugging him tightly. “It’s over, it’s done, it’s over,” Luke whispered over and over into his hair, rubbing a hand up and down his back.

Several pairs of arms went around both of them, and with his Snyder-sense Luke could tell it was his parents and Emma. “You did good, son,” Holden said just as quietly, one of his hands going to the top of Noah’s head. Lily and Emma just smiled through their tears, kissing both boys on the cheek.

Noah didn’t respond at first, but finally he nodded. “Thank you,” came a very quiet but very firm reply murmured into Luke’s shoulder. Then he looked up at them. “Thank you.”

“Noah.” The beautiful Hallmark moment was ruined by a voice coming from behind him. The group turned together as Winston was led past them by several guards. Noah tensed in Luke’s arms- there was no way Luke was going to let him go now- but didn’t say anything to his father. The rest of the Snyders closed in behind them. Holden’s own grip around the boys tightened protectively. “Noah. Please.”

Noah was still quiet, but his determined step backwards into the group of Snyders around him spoke volumes. Luke smiled a little, almost wanting to stick his tongue out at Winston. “Son, you have to understand-”

“Goodbye, Colonel,” Noah interrupted quietly. That was all he said, and that was all he needed to say.

“No, you don’t understand!” Winston pulled suddenly against his guards, trying to get closer. In an instant, Jack and Holden had stepped forward and in front of the boys, ready to push the man back. “You don’t understand, there are things you don’t know! You need me!”

“No,” Noah said, still quiet, still wrapped up in Luke’s hold. “No, I don’t need you. I never did. I need…” he couldn’t say it out loud yet, but he knew what it was. He took another step back, even more into the fold of the Snyders around him. “Goodbye, Colonel.”

Luke sat the last of the plates to dry on the dish rack. He had never been more proud of Noah than in that moment when he rid himself of his father. Noah had been calm and okay for the rest of that day, even through the giant Snyder dinner celebrating the end of the trials. It wasn’t until that night, just the two of them lying in bed, that he had let go.

Luke had held him until Noah had cried himself out, and then the two of them had stayed up all night watching silly movies. ‘Chicken Soup’ movies, as Noah would call them. And it was really starting that next day that Luke could see him healing.

He turned back to Marcus, about to thank him again, when he caught the older man looking out the window again. Luke followed his gaze, and it landed on Noah and Lucinda once more. They were sitting alone now, talking very earnestly. Luke was about to wonder just what they were talking about, when he saw Lucinda glance their way very quickly before turning stern eyes back to Noah.

Noah shrugged and said something else, his unnaturally blue eyes wide and sincere. Luke almost laughed- that was Noah’s version of the puppy-dog look. Noah also nodded towards the kitchen, said something else, and suddenly Lucinda was standing and making her way to the house.

“Do you think she’s coming to yell at me or yell at you?” Marcus asked from behind Luke’s shoulder.

Luke turned to the man and grinned. “No idea. Either way, I don’t plan on being here to find out. I think I’ll go up and grab a change of clothes for Ethan, he’s probably muddied up what he’s wearing now. Later!” And then he was out the door, leaving Marcus behind to face Hurricane Lucinda.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Noah settled down on one of the wicker benches on the porch with an exhausted sigh. It had been a long day, a very long day. Admittedly, Noah loved long days that were like this- full of people laughing, food and storytelling, teasing and play-fights and hugs. When Noah let himself get carried away in it, he could even say he wanted it to be like this, wanted to be a part of it.

He waved as another car pulled away, taking another group back to their home. Noah smiled to himself, because it hit him then that he and Luke were going to do the same thing. Home.

He turned when the kitchen door opened, Marcus and Lucinda stepping out onto the porch. Together. Noah smiled at them in greeting. “Hi.”

“Hello, darling,” Lucinda greeted, somehow looking both mildly reproachful and slightly embarrassed. Which Noah reasoned might have something to do with how her arm was clasped around Dr. Weston’s. Noah gave himself credit for not reacting to the sight. “We’ll be heading out then, Noah. You have a good night.”

“Good night,” Noah responded instinctively, trying not to smile wider. “See you on Thursday, Doc.”

“Good night Noah,” Marcus, however, couldn’t help but wink at Noah over his shoulder, so Lucinda couldn’t see. Noah ducked his head so they wouldn’t see his grin.

He waved as Dr. Weston’s car drove away, and then felt another presence sit down next to him on the bench. He turned to see Emma shaking her head at him, pursing her lips in thought. “Noah Mayer, are you and my grandson playing matchmaker?”

He shrugged, still smiling. “Possibly.”

She chuckled, handing him an oatmeal raisin cookie that he happily devoured. “You two are incorrigible. And with Lucinda and Dr. Weston? You’ll have your work cut out for you.”

Noah shrugged again. “Don’t worry, we’ll find someone for you next.”

Emma laughed louder this time, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. “Oh, sweetling, look around.” She waved a hand out to the yard where a dozen or so people were still talking and laughing together, the younger kids running around playing Freeze Tag, though somehow Casey and Aaron had joined in. Emma continued with a smile only a grandmother could give, “I already have everything I need.”

At that moment Luke dropped down onto the bench on Noah’s other side, briefly ruffling at Noah’s hair before draping his arm around Noah’s waist. Noah let himself be pulled closer, Luke’s chin perching on his shoulder. He smiled at Luke, kissed him very softly, before turning back to Emma. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “I think I know what you mean.”

THE END!

As a special bonus: Coming up in the sequel to “Sins of the Father”, new multi-chapter fic called “When Our Frames Collide”:

-a film class project leads Noah to question some of his own memories of his childhood
-Luke keeps a secret that could tear his family apart and change his relationship with Holden forever
-an unlikely ally helps Noah research his family’s past and discover something that no one, including Noah, was ever supposed to find out
-Casey tries to figure out exactly who and what he wants to be, and who he wants to be with
-a terrifying accident puts one family at odds with another