Despite having one and only one quadrant, human romance was revealing to be far more complex (and may I say, confusing) than I ever expected it to be. Going back and forth between uncertainty and doubt, jealousy and trust, it seemed impossible to catalog it in one word. However, humans did so and shrugged their worries without further ado: Love.
As far as I could see, some, although very few, chose to embrace it wholeheartedly and with full commitment to their counterpart, beyond any doubt. Also, Love and Hate remain close, yet far. In doubt, one would acknowledge only one. Love could become Hate and Hate could become Love, hardly ever coexisting in the same heart. While in love, one chose not to hate and while hating, one chose not to love. Thus, no need to balance any of these factors. Regardless, it was still confusing.
I must say though, even confused, I can be certain of one thing: I do not hate Rose Lalonde, nor could I ever hate her.
It has been years since the Grimdark incident. Rose and I have been living the the Lalonde household ever since. And ever since I have been incapable of discussing the turmoil that took place inside me. At times I could almost be certain she knew exactly what I was feeling. As if... She was expecting something?
Perhaps that was the reason of my discomfort as I woke up this morning. The earthling sun hurt my eyes and I had no will to stand up. Attempting to sort out my feelings towards Rose had become part of my daily routine like nothing else ever had. Groaning, I made my way to my roommate's bedside, admiring her ability to remain asleep with such light entering the room. She has always been a mystery to me. Her well-measured remarks stroke a smile in my heart. Who had been trolling who all that time?
My curiosity lead me deeper and deeper inside her soul to a point where I only wanted to hear her voice, spending my days dreaming about the assuring tone I was certain she had. A strong, though kind tone... After such an amount of misjudgment when we learned about each other's existence, verifying I was indeed right was a triumph echoing in my heart.
She rested peacefully. So peacefully I wished she would never wake up and I never had to avert my gaze from her ever again.
How silly. She will wake up and I will most likely make a fool of myself for staring at her this way. But the thought didn't bother me. It was too perfect to look away...
Rose kept a slightly tense expression in her sleep, as if she were tired of waiting impatiently for something. What could that be, I wonder? She inhaled and her expression softened. I could feel my cheekbones glowing greener as I dared to think she might have felt my scent. Again, how foolish of me. Her eyebrows twitched and I almost feared she was close to awakening, but she reached out her hand, seemingly buried deep in a dream. I wondered what in the world she was in need of and crept closer, placing my hand in hers. My flush became worse as she held on and gripped my fingers with her own slender ones.
Her hand was surprisingly soft. I would have imagined her fingers would have scars from the use of needles, but not even one was visible. She is a perfectionist, such as I am.
I responded to her touch naturally, beyond any embarrassment, and observed as our fingers slowly intertwined as if they were bound to be tangled and never let go. I cannot tell if I did so or my fingers were acting on their own free will.
Too concentrated in these thoughts, I failed to notice Rose's eyes twitching and opening, looking at our hands with a curious twinkle. Only when her head lifted up and she looked right at me did our eyes meet and my heart stopped beating.
She tilted her head. "Is something the matter, Kanaya?"
I shook my head. She lifted our hands up and looked at them.
"Who did this?" she asked.
"I'm afraid to have noticed that both of us did..." I looked away in embarrassment.
She chuckled. "I see my subconscious is immune to conveying sarcasm" she gazed at me with a hint of concern "Are you uncomfortable?"
"No... not at all..."
"Why did you come here?" her approach was so direct it frightened me. However, her tone was soft and kind, with a hint of sincerity.
"I... I am not sure" I swallowed dryly, unsure of the consequences of my words or actions "I stepped inside and you... you called out for me..."
"Plausible" she did not stop looking at our hands thoughtfully for even a moment "Perhaps you felt the need to let me know of something?"
So she had been waiting. She had been aware all along. Would she think about it often, I wonder? She thought about it today, as she woke up, did she fall asleep thinking about it? Perhaps she waited every day, in hope that would be the day as much as I hoped that would be the day to let her know. However, let her know what? I am still unsure. I am still confused. Would she want me to be bound to the human quadrant? Would she desire to partake in the full experience of trollian romance? Would she want to hate me? My heart skipped another beat. No... I would not want that... I would much rather wake up every morning burned by the sun and admiring her angelic slumber, doomed to silence. But she wished for an answer at this very moment and... and I could not lie.
"Rose I... I believe I might be falling prey of certain feelings for you..."
She smiled very slightly "Feelings of which kind? Red?"
I swallowed dryly yet again "Yes... perhaps. Strong red..." I could feel my face discovering a new shade of bright jade. "But... not quite in the trollian sense" she remained in silence "What I am trying to explain is that I do not wish the consequences of troll romance... I am thinking in terms of loyalty and..." my speech was interrupted.
Her flawless palm rested in my cheek, colder than my burning skin. She gazed at me with a soothing smile, pulling my head closer to hers and resting her lips upon mine, sweet as her blood, which I dared to try when I was not in possession my senses, in my state of rainbow drinker.
Sweet as the rainbow itself.
I cannot remember how long I savored her lips with such intensity, nor I can recall the exact moment we fell in each other's arms, open to new feeling and sensations until my whole being exploded in pleasure and colour. Love... that was the feeling of love...
Yes... Perhaps one quadrant is just fine...