It didn’t take that long for Alex to find a rhythm at Chicago. Even for a max facility, the game of who’s who and what’s what was pretty much the same. Thankfully for Alex she got some of the less psychotic-type roommates. One of the girls, Mackie, was actually pretty cool. She reminded Alex a lot of Nicky back at Litchfield, and so of course they became solid acquaintances quickly.
Since most of the day was spent in the tiny bunk rooms, Alex grew used to sitting on Mackie’s bed playing card games with her makeshift deck- it was comprised half of torn up napkins, toilet paper, and the rare scraps of actual paper she could get ahold of. At first they’re friendship was formed in solidarity, speaking very little between card games and sitting near each other in silence during meals. However, after about a week of staring at the same cinder block walls and playing the same rounds of poker- which both could efficiently cheat at since no two cards looked anything alike- Alex cracked. For a whole day she rambled about Litchfield and the business that got her there, and then eventually, Piper. That was when Alex finally started to feel just how fucked it was in Max, and just how even more fucked she was with Piper.
"I loved her you know? I still love her. God, and then she had to go and pick that dumbass boyfriend. She didn’t even have a good reason, just said she couldn’t fall through life with me, but that she loved me too. Like I’m not right enough, she love me all day when she’s in prison, and she can love the idea of anything with me, but she can’t fucking be with me. It’s just fucked.”
“Yeah, I hear ya. Straight girls, they’ll fuck ya every time.” Alex stared at Mackie, it was strange how quickly Alex grew attached to the girl, but she figured it had something to do with her being all too similar to Nicky. She even had the same mane of uncombed hair, though it was a darker brown than Nicky’s, and her eyes were an even paler shade of green than Alex’s own eyes. Alex looked back down at her toilet paper cards, her hand was terrible, but she could’ve know that just by feeling them. All the lower cards were printed onto toilet paper, the good ones were made of unused napkins and actual paper scraps.
“I haven’t seen her in months. Not since Christmas. The stupid idiot decided to punch out one of the meth heads who’d been on both our cases when we were sleeping together. I don’t even get why she did it, like I guess Taystee said that Pennsatucky had been threatening her even more, but to just go ballistic on her… Piper’s never gotten pushed that far, and she’s been mad at plenty of people plenty of times before.”
“Ya’know maybe see did it ‘cause of you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if she really did go as ape-shit as you say, she must’ve been hurtin’ pretty bad too.” Alex looked up from the flimsy card game straight at Mackie. It actually scared Alex how similar she was to Nicky, and it reminded her of the day she last saw Piper. When Nicky was in her bunk, and Piper came running like a beaten puppy upset about whatever had hurt her feelings last. Maybe Mackie had a point. Alex had been so quick to push Piper away, she never once bothered to care if Piper was hurt too. Before, she’d figured that Piper deserved whatever heartache she felt for picking Larry. Alex felt more concerned with forgetting her own heartbreak she caved the second Nicky came to her- she never even thought about why she was acting so weak and abusing Nicky’s friendship, she just needed some kind of a distraction from the pain in her chest. Alex suddenly isn’t sure if she’d even bothered to notice how broken Piper may have been after it all. Sure, Piper brought it on herself, but Alex maybe didn’t have to be so cruel in that moment. Maybe Piper’s fight with Pennsatucky had been partly about Alex.
A loud buzzer rang through the prison. The rest of Alex’s bunkies stood and started heading for dinner. Alex slowly got up from her perch with Mackie to join. The more Alex thought about Piper and all the crap that happened that last day she saw her, the more upset she felt. Alex could feel the start of tears welling up in her eyes, and a lump growing in the back of her throat.
They stood in single file, and waited to receive their trays of subpar spaghetti with boiled carrots on the side. Even the worst meals Red had ever produced were better than the disturbing lumps of half edible food served here. Alex sat next to Mackie with her tray of food, but still feeling on the verge of crying she reverted back to her uncomfortable silence. Taking the hint, Mackie decided to talk about some of her old flames. They sat for a couple minutes, with Mackie going on about different hot girls whose pants she gotten into. Alex just stared at her tray, pushing around her carrots and mixing them in the spaghetti sauce.
“There was this one girl, man biggest fucking rack ever- bigger than yours- and god this tiny waist. I could almost wrap my arms around her waist is was that skinny. I have no idea how she kept those tits up without breaking her spine…” The lump in Alex’s throat was getting bigger, and it wasn’t going to be long before she cracked. Her stomach twisted with every story Mackie told. Finally Alex couldn’t hold back the tears, she stood suddenly, nearly toppling her tray of uneaten food
“I need to go to the rest room.” She rushed off towards the restrooms, not looking back at Mackie’s concerned look or the other slightly perturbed faces around her.
Once in the bathroom Alex stood in front of the sink, just letting herself cry. She was alone, for the first time since she got to Chicago. Alex could feel the hollow spot in her chest from trying to keep everything pushed under the radar for so long. Her breaths come out in ragged gasps and sputters. Alex hadn’t felt this weak and vulnerable in a long time, not since perhaps her mom had passed- when Piper left. Tears were now dripping from Alex’s chin, she splashed cold water on her face, trying to hide the symptoms. After a moment trying to collect her breath to no avail, she looked in the mirror. Her face was a little bonier than usual, beneath the swollen eyes and red splotches from crying Alex could see how greyed her skin had become. So far she’d only been outside once, and that was on a particularly cold and foggy day. Alex thanked god that Chicago was only temporary until Kubra’s case was resolved. She would actually be thankful to return to the shorter walls and easy lifestyle of minimum security at Litchfield. Leaning against the sink, Alex notices how nice of condition the bathroom is in. Most likely due to the seldom use of it. Only a few of the stalls were missing their doors, and the sinks and mirrors were all in decent condition as well, hardly any cracks could be seen in the plastic basins and even fewer dents or scratches in the mirrors. Alex suddenly realized how shitty Litchfield had to be if a maximum security prison can exist in better shape. Alex hears the door open softly. She quickly swipes the remaining tears from her eyes, not wanting some stranger to see her like such a pathetic wimp.
“You okay there Heartache?” Alex turns to see that the stranger is Mackie.
“Oh, I thought you were someone else.” Alex breathes a sigh of relief. She might’ve wiped away the tears, but that still wasn’t going to hide the fact that she’d just been crying the last five minutes.
“Nope, just me. You’d been a while in here, thought I’d come check you hadn’t attempted to climb out the windows or drown yourself in the toilet.”
“Hmm, not a bad idea I suppose. Though, I’m not sure I’d fit through the bars covering that already small window.” Alex said pointing at the narrow window with thick bars covering it on both sides.
“True, and to be honest there isn’t enough water in those toilets to drown Big Sarah’s last shit, you’d probably die of fecal poisoning before drowning.” At that Alex cracked a slight smile. “Hey, there’s a smile. I didn’t know you had in you. Figured with all the heartbreak and woe-is-me crap you’d forgotten how lips are supposed to work.”
Alex stared at Mackie for a moment, not sure how to reply to the comment. Mackie was now standing in front of Alex, rubbing her shoulders. She was several inches shorter than Alex, though most people were considering Alex’s height. Alex felt herself caving again. She still had almost 20 minutes left for dinner, and a completely empty bathroom.
“Fuck me.” Alex choked out the words in the growing silence.
“You heard me. Fuck me. Right here, right now.”
“Jesus girl, you really are fucked in the head…”
“I don’t care.” Alex stared intently into Mackie’s eyes. She knew Mackie could see the cold emptiness behind them, but at that particular moment Alex didn’t care. Mackie took the hint, quickly pushing Alex in to the nearest stall with a door on it. Alex knew she was doing this for all the wrong reasons, but Mackie seemed to also know. She quickly set to work unbuttoning Alex’s jumpsuit and pulling down her underwear enough to expose the works. Alex leaned her head back against the stall, no longer caring was tears fell from her face.
Mackie was well versed in coming down on a woman, and found the sensitive spot on Alex’s clit within the first few licks. She sucked deeply, not leaving any space for foreplay or teasing. Alex came in minutes, her face flushed from tears, and her insides contracting inside Mackie’s mouth. Mackie wiped Alex’s cum from her mouth; slowly replacing Alex’s underwear and buttoning her jumpsuit again. She wrapped her arms around Alex, as Alex dipped her head into her shoulder a cried some more. They stood like that, Alex sobbing lightly and Mackie rubbing her shoulders, until the buzzer finally rang again indicating dinner was over.