ROMANCE ADVICE FOR FUCKING WRIGGLERS

by Blaperile

Summary:

Karkat is sick of everyone busting into his memo's to ask for romantic advice, so he decides to make a new board on which the only goal is for people to ask advice of him.

So, he starts the R.A.F.F.W. board.

Chapter 1

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened public transtimeline bulletin board ROMANCE ADVICE FOR FUCKING WRIGGLERS.

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CCG opened memo on board ROMANCE ADVICE FOR FUCKING WRIGGLERS.

CCG: OKAY, LISTEN UP FOR ONCE EVERY-FUCKING-ONE.
CCG: AS EVERYONE WAS FILLING MY EXCELLENT MEMO'S TO DISCUSS IMPORTANT THINGS WITH THEIR OWN FUCKING ROMANCE QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF JUST SHUTTING THE FUCK UP,
CCG: I'M MAKING THIS BOARD WHERE YOU CAN PUT YOUR FUCKING QUESTIONS, SO THE OTHER BOARD CAN STAY ON-TOPIC.
CCG: GOT IT???
CCG: I FUCKING HOPE SO.
CCG: HERE ARE THE RULES.
CCG: 1. DON’T FUCK THIS PLACE UP TOO BY ASKING OTHER THINGS OR I’LL HAVE TO BAN YOU.
CCG: 2. I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO INTERRUPT WHO HAS TO DO WITH THE RELATIONSHIP I’M TALKING ABOUT.
CCG: GET IN FUCKING LINE.
CCG: OTHERWISE YOU’LL BE BANNED AS WELL.
CCG: NOT THAT BANNING SEEMS TO HELP MUCH.
CCG: SO YEAH, WANT SOME FUCKING ROMANCE ADVICE?
CCG: THEN THIS IS THE PLACE TO BE.
CCG: GO AHEAD, ASK ME!
CCG: OH YEAH, HUMANS ARE ALLOWED HERE AS WELL.
CCG: NOT THAT I’M FUCKING INVITING YOU HERE, THOUGH.
??? ectoBiologist [?EB] at ?:?? responded to memo.
?EB: hi, karkat!
CCG: EGBERT. I HOPE YOU ARE HERE FOR ROMANTIC ADVICE.
?EB: wow, so this is how a memo feels like?
?EB: i hope more people enter here in a bit, it sure would be a lot of fun!
CCG: FUCK.
CCG: I COULD HAVE KNOWN.
CCG: I KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON, SO YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE, EGBERT.
CCG: ROMANTIC ADVICE, OR NOT?
?EB: umm, i just feel like talking with you, karkat!
?EB: and experiencing what a memo is like!
CCG: THEN DO THAT IN PRIVATE, JOHN.
CCG: I'M HERE FOR DIFFERENT STUFF.
CCG banned ?EB from responding to memo.
CCG: AND THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT THE PLACE TO LEARN HOW FUCKING MEMO'S WORK.
CCG: AND NEITHER ARE MY OTHER MEMO'S WHICH YOU CAN'T REACH.
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 1:00 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCA: hey kar
CCG: OF COURSE, I COULD HAVE EXPECTED YOU TO GET HERE FIRST FOR REAL ADVICE.
CCG: OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU NEED ADVICE WITH?
CCG: RED OR BLACK?
FCA: both
CCG: GREAT START FOR THIS BOARD.
CCG: I DON'T GET A COMBINATION OF BOTH OFTEN.
CCG: GO AHEAD, ASK ME.
FCA: so umm yeah
FCA: its about fef and sol
FCA: and their relationship
CCG: RELATIONSHIP?
CCG: IS THIS SOME MORE FUCKING TIMESHIT I'M NOT ENOUGH IN THE FUTURE FOR?
FCA: sort of
FCA: they already had red feelings for each other for some time
FCA: but they only recently started showwin it to the rest
CCG: I SEE.
CCG: SO, IS IT FLUSHED OR PALE?
FCA: thats the thin im not sure
FCA: but wwhatevver it is sol took either my fuckin ex-moirail or potential matesprit
CCG: BUT I THOUGHT FEFERI WASN'T INTERESTED TO BE EITHER FOR YOU ANYMORE.
FCA: yeah but i think i still stood a chance to get her back
FCA: but as a matesprit
FCA: sol is meddlin betwween us too much
FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 1:13 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCA: oh cod
FCC: -Eridan!
FCC: YOU are t)(e one meddling.
FCC: 3>8[
FCA: fef but i
FCC: No buts, -Eridan!
FCC: It's over between us, and I am moving on.
FCC: You s)(ould as well.
CCG banned FCC from responding to memo.
CCG: READ THE FUCKING RULES, FEFERI.
CCG: YOU CAN DISCUSS THIS WITH ERIDAN IN PRIVATE IF YOU WANT.
CCG: BUT NOT HERE.
FCA: im a fuckin moron
CCG: WELL, YOU CAN STILL MAKE THINGS RIGHT AGAIN IF YOU TRY TO.
FCA: no thats not wwhat i mean kar
FCA: im a fuckin idiot for usin this board to talk about my feelings
FCA: wwhy the fuck wwould i do this fef and evven sol can read this
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 0:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTA: eheheheheh
FTA: you got that riight.
CCG banned FTA from responding to memo.
CCG: ERIDAN.
CCG: IT'S FOR THE BEST IF YOU TALK ABOUT IT HERE.
CCG: THEY CAN FIND OUT HOW YOU REALLY FEEL AND UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER.
FCA: no its no use
FCA: im out of here
FCA quit responding to memo.
CCG: FUCKING GREAT.
CCG: I THOUGHT I COULD GIVE SOME GOOD ADVICE HERE, BUT I COULDN'T EVEN START DECENTLY THANKS TO YOU SHITHEADS.
CCG: UGH, I'M FEELING FUCKING EXHAUSTED.
CCG: IF I CAN'T GIVE THE NEXT PERSON ANY ADVICE THEN I SWEAR I'M GOING TO DO A FUCKING PIROUETTE OF THE HANDLE.
CCG: IT'LL BE THE BIGGEST PIROUETTE EVER DONE IN HISTORY.
CCG: IT WILL GO INTO EVERY HISTORY BOOK AND BE REMEMBERED BY EVERYONE FOREVER.
CCG: THE TEXT ACCOMPANYING IT WILL SAY:
CCG: "THE BIGGEST PIROUETTE EVER MADE. ON THIS DAY, A TROLL MANAGED TO JUMP ALL THE WAY INTO SPACE AND BEYOND BY ONLY USING A HANDLE. FROM NOW ON, THIS DAY SHALL BE KNOWN AS PIROUETTE DAY."
CCG: PIROUETTE DAY WILL BE THE DAY ON WHICH EVERYONE HAS TO WASTE THEIR WHOLE DAY ON MAKING PIROUETTES OFF A HANDLE.
CCG: BUT NOBODY WILL EVER SUCCEED IN MAKING A BETTER PIROUETTE THAN I WILL DO SOON.
??? turntechGodhead [?TG] at ?:?? responded to memo.
?TG: i bet everyone reading what you just said was expecting the next person responding to be here for advice
?TG: so you could get satisfaction
?TG: well you got that wrong
CCG banned ?TG from responding to memo.
CCG: FUCK YOU, STRIDER.
CCG: FUCK YOU AND THE HOOFBEAST YOU RODE IN ON.
CCG: I'M BEGINNING TO DOUBT ANYONE WILL BE COMING FOR REAL ADVICE FOR NOW.
CCG: MAYBE I SHOULD JUST CLOSE THIS MEMO.
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 0:50 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: hEYY
CCG: OH. HELLO.
CCG: I HOPE YOU'RE HERE FOR SOME REAL ADVICE?
PAT: yEAH, i AM,
CCG: GOOD.
CCG: LET ME GUESS.
CCG: VRISKA?
PAT: nO, aCTUALLY,
PAT: iT'S, uHH, aBOUT SOMEONE ELSE,
CCG: OH?
CCG: WELL, THAT'S A SURPRISE FOR ONCE.
CCG: WHO IS IT?
PAT: iT'S,
PAT: uHH,
PAT: a HUMAN,
CCG: A HUMAN?
CCG: YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR A HUMAN?
CCG: HAHA, OH MY GOD.
PAT: uHH, iM SERIOUS,
CCG: I THOUGHT SO, BUT IT'S JUST SO FUCKING FUNNY. A TROLL HAVING FEELINGS FOR A HUMAN. HAHA.
PAT: bUT, uHH, dON'T YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ONE OF THEM AS WELL?
CCG: FUCK YOU, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
CCG: THAT'S JUST A RUMOR SPREAD BY SOME FUCKASS PROBABLY.
CCG: AND MY FEELINGS ARE NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
PAT: oH, oKAY.
CCG: ANYWAY,
CCG: WHO?
CCG: RED OR BLACK?
PAT: iT'S VERY RED,
PAT: aND,
PAT: uHH,
PAT: jADE i GUESS,
CCG: YOU ARE RED FOR THE JADE HUMAN?
CCG: HAHAHAHAHA
CCG: I HOPE VRISKA'S READING THIS
CCG: I'D LOVE TO SEE HER FACE RIGHT NOW.
CCG: AND NO, SERKET,
CCG: THAT'S NOT A FUCKING INVITATION TO ANSWER HERE.
CCG: SO ANYWAY, WHAT DO YOU NEED HELP WITH, TAVROS?
PAT: i, uHH, aM NOT SURE HOW i SHOULD TELL HER HOW I FEEL,
CCG: WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU NEED TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE.
CCG: SERIOUSLY, IF YOU CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS TO HER LIKE HOW YOU USUALLY TALK, SHE WON'T WANT TO BECOME YOUR MATESPRIT ANYWAY EVEN IF SHE FEELS THE SAME LIKE YOU DO.
PAT: uHH, oKAY,
PAT: sO, i JUST HAVE TO SAY, wITH A LOT OF CONFIDENCE i GUESS, hOW i FEEL ABOUT HER?
CCG: NO YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD.
CCG: YOU CAN'T JUST START A CONVERSATION WITH HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER AND EXPECT HER TO GO ALONG WITH IT.
CCG: DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ROMANCE?
CCG: YOU SHOULD FIRST TALK ABOUT DIFFERENT THINGS,
CCG: AND THEN WHEN BOTH OF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE,
CCG: AND YOU'RE VERY SURE YOU LIKE HER IN A FLUSHED WAY,
CCG: YOU CAN TELL HER.
PAT: i SEE,
PAT: tHANKS kARKAT.
PAT: i'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND, i GUESS.
CCG: AND STOP WITH THOSE FUCKING "I GUESS'S" AND THOSE "UHH'S".
CCG: THOSE ARE SIGNS OF WEAK CONFIDENCE.
CCG: DON'T DO THAT WHEN YOU ARE TALKING TO HER.
PAT: oKAY, i WILL TRY THIS OUT RIGHT NOW.
PAT: tHANKS AGAIN, kARKAT.
PAT: bYE.
CCG: BYE AND GOOD LUCK.
PAT quit responding to memo.
CCG: BUT HAHA, THIS IS STILL FUCKING HILARIOUS. TAVROS FEELING FLUSHED FOR JADE.
CCG: ANYWAY, I'M FEELING VERY TIRED NOW.
CCG: I GUESS I'LL BE BACK LATER TO LISTEN TO MORE OF YOU PAST AND FUTURE SHITHEADS.
CCG closed memo.

Chapter 2

CCG opened memo on board ROMANCE ADVICE FOR FUCKING WRIGGLERS.

CCG: OKAY, ALL YOU SHITHEADS.
CCG: I'M BACK.
CCG: GO ON, ASK ME SOME MORE ROMANTIC ADVICE AND EVERYTHING ELSE TO DO WITH IT.
PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 520 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAC: :33 < *her impurrtant pouncellor jumps into the memo*
PAC: :33 < *she has a question for the karkitty!*
CCG: NEPETA.
CCG: HOLY HELL.
CCG: WHAT. THE. FUCK.
PAC: :33 < *she licks her paws before looking up and tilting her head*
PAC: :33 < whats wrong, karkat?
CCG: UGH.
CCG: NOTHING PERSONAL.
CCG: IT'S JUST,
CCG: I NEVER EXPECTED YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO COME HERE FOR ROMANTIC ADVICE.
CCG: AND I CERTAINLY DIDN'T EXPECT A NEPETA FROM 520 HOURS AGO TO JUMP OUT OF NOWHERE.
PAC: :33 < *nepeta giggles*
PAC: :33 < oh silly, i dont n33d advice for myself!
CCG: WOW.
CCG: OKAY THEN.
CCG: BUT FIRST, STOP WITH THE ROLEPLAYING AND JUST BE YOURSELF.
CCG: IT'S GIVING ME A HEADACHE WHILE THINKING.
PAC: :(( < okay.
CCG: GOOD.
CCG: NOW, FOR WHO DO YOU NEED ADVICE?
PAC: :33 < it umm, has to do with equius
CCG: OF COURSE.
CCG: I COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT.
CCG: YOU WANT TO HELP HIM WITH SOMETHING AS HIS MOIRAIL, RIGHT?
PAC: :33 < umm, yeah, sort of
PAC: :33 < im a bit concerned
PAC: :33 < about his relationship with aradia
CCG: AH I SEE.
CCG: WHAT ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT?
PAC: :33 < well, i dont really know what kind of relationship they have!
PAC: :33 < at first aradia was neutral to him, then she began hating him and then all of a sudden it looks red!
CCG: I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN.
CCG: YOU ARE WORRIED THAT EQUIUS COULD GET HURT IF THEY'RE IN A BLACK ROMANCE, RIGHT?
PAC: :33 < yes!
PAC: :33 < (and also so i can update my shipping wall!)
PAC: :33 < h33h33h33
CCG: WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU.
CCG: HE'S NOT IN DANGER OR SOMETHING.
CCG: THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS INDEED COMPLICATED.
CCG: IT'S ACTUALLY BOTH OF THE ROMANCES.
CCG: OR WAS, I SHOULD SAY.
CCG: ARADIA DID INDEED HATE EQUIUS AT FIRST, BUT THEN THEY QUICKLY FLIPPED.
CCG: A LOT OF YOUNG TROLLS DO THAT WHEN THEY'RE NOT SURE HOW THEY THINK OF SOMEONE.
CCG: BUT I THINK, THAT IN YOUR TIMEFRAME, IT'S COMPLETELY RED AT THE MOMENT.
PAC: :33 < phew!
PAC: :33 < thats a relief
PAC: :33 < thanks karkat!
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 0:01 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCT: D --> Nepeta
PAC: X33 < oh nooooo
FCT: D --> I am disappointed
FCT: D --> My relationship with Aradia is not something that everyone should know
FCT: D --> You could hoove just di%ussed this with me in private
FCT: D --> We hoove already talked about it in my timeframe and you didn't mention this conversation
FCT: D --> Nepeta, I will di%uss this with you right now in the robot pile
FCT: D --> I e%pect you to come right along with me.
FCT: D --> But I will first need a towel now
CCG banned FCT from responding to memo.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS WANT TO NOT FOLLOW MY RULES AND DISTURB MY MEMO'S?
CCG: GET THE FUCK OUT SWEATY DOUCHEBAG.
CCG: YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF IT WITH NEPETA IN YOUR TIME, IF SHE WANTS.
CCG: BUT ONCE MORE, THIS IS NOT THE LOCATION FOR IT.
PAC: :(( < im sorry, equius!
PAC: :(( < it wasnt my intention to be so rude!
CCG: NEPETA.
CCG: SHOW A SPINE FOR ONCE AND DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.
PAC: X33 < but, hes my moirail!
PAC: X33 < i n33d to listen to him, karkat!
CCG: YES, HE IS.
CCG: BUT HE CAN'T JUST GO AROUND ORDERING YOU LIKE THAT.
CCG: IF ANYONE CAN ORDER YOU AROUND, IT'S ME AS YOUR LEADER.
PAC: :33 < h33h33, thats so nice of you karkitty!
CCG: AW FUCK.
PAC: :33 < anyway, thank you fur helping, karkat!
PAC: :33 < ill talk with equius about it, in the future
CCG: UGH, FINE.
PAC: :33 < bye!
CCG: BYE, NEPETA.
PAC ceased responding to memo.
CCG: OKAY THEN.
CCG: ...
CCG: FUCK.
CCG: I JUST TURNED AROUND AND NEPETA AND EQUIUS HAVE LEFT.
CCG: UGH.
CCG: BUT THE WEIRD THING IS, OTHERS HAVE LEFT AS WELL WHEN I WAS TALKING HERE.
CCG: WEIRD.
CCG: OH WELL, IT'S NOTHING SPECIAL PROBABLY.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW began responding to memo.
FCG: FUCK YOU.
FCG: YOU SHOULD HAVE PAYED ATTENTION TO THEM.
CCG banned FCG.
CCG: FUCK OFF, FUTURE SHITHEAD.
CCG: THIS IS PRESENT KARKAT'S MEMO.
CCG: NOT YOURS.
CCG: ANYWAY.
CCG: THIS WAS A QUITE SUCCESSFUL MEMO I GUESS.
CCG: NOT COUNTING THAT FUCKING INTERRUPTION BY MY FUTURE SELF AND EQUIUS,
CCG: I COULD GIVE SOME DECENT ADVICE.
CCG: BUT THIS WAS QUITE TIRING, SO I GUESS I'LL STOP HERE FOR NOW.
FUTURE grimAuxilliatrix [FGA] 01:15 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGA: Please Wait A Minute Karkat
CCG: OH.
CCG: HELLO KANAYA.
CCG: HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
FGA: Well Im Not Sure If You Can Answer This Yet
FGA: Maybe You Feel Different About Him Right Now And Change Your Opnion Later
FGA: Or You Could Have Feeled For Him Like That All Along Without Showing Too
FGA: But Still I Would Like To Know
CCG: UGH, YOU'RE RAMBLING AGAIN KANAYA.
CCG: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY.
FGA: Sorry
FGA: I Will Just Ask It Right Away
FGA: What Is Your Relationship With Gamzee
CCG: WOW, WHAT THE FUCK.
CCG: I'M NOT HERE TO RESPOND TO QUESTIONS ABOUT MYSELF.
CCG: I AM HERE TO HELP OTHERS.
CCG: IF YOU WERE ANY OTHER PERSON, KANAYA, I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF AND DON'T MEDDLE WITH MY BUSINESS.
FGA: Sorry Once More Karkat
FGA: But I Would Really Like To Know This
FGA: I Would Rather Not Explain Why Though As It Could Cause Something That Happened Later On In The First Place
CCG: UGH, FINE.
CCG: SO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GAMZEE IS?
CCG: WELL, HE'S ONE BIG FUCKING DOOFUS, THAT'S WHAT HE IS.
FGA: Nothing More
FGA: Dont You Have Other Feelings About Him
CCG: UGH.
CCG: FINE.
CCG: HE'S A VERY GOOD FRIEND TO ME, OKAY?
CCG: I OFTEN GET ANNOYED BY HIM, BUT IT IS JUST THE WAY HE IS.
CCG: HE'S A PRETTY NICE DOOFUS.
CCG: AND SOMETIMES HE'S JUST A LITTLE BIT STUPID.
CCG: AND FOR SOME REASON I GET THE FEELING THAT I NEED TO LOOK AFTER HIM AND BE THERE FOR HIM.
CCG: THERE, NOW YOU KNOW.
FGA: Okay I Think I Understand Enough
FGA: Thank You Karkat
CCG: NO PROBLEM, I GUESS?????
CCG: I'M STILL SOMEWHAT CONFUSED THOUGH.
CCG: FUCK!
FGA: What Seems To Be The Matter
CCG: I ONLY JUST REALIZED HE IS ONE OF THE MISSING PEOPLE AS WELL.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK HAS EVERYONE DISAPPEARED INTO THE LAB?
CCG: WELL, AT LEAST YOU, FEFERI, SOLLUX AND TEREZI ARE STILL HERE.
FGA: I See
FGA: Well Judging By What You Said You Will Have Your Hands Full Soon
FGA: Have Courage Karkat
FGA: Try To Not Be Scared By The Honks
FGA: I Know You Can Do It
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?
FGA: Bye Karkat
FGA ceased responding to memo.
CCG: OKAY, THAT WAS WEIRD.
CCG: FUCK.
CCG: TEREZI?
CCG: IS SHE FUCKING CRYING?
CCG: GOT TO GO.
CCG closed memo.

Notes:

For some reason, when I copy-pasted the text into this window, all of Nepeta's text disappeared and got replaced by her quirk.

So, all her text became "PAC: :33 < PAC: :33 <"

And when her quirk got changed into ":((", that DID get shown along with her normal quirk though.

So, she became a real kitty. :P

Also, ALL the text above this line I wrote WEEKS ago. I had trouble with 10 drafts being formed out of nowhere, and colors not being right, etc, and I decided I would post it the next day...

...

The next day I had forgotten that I hadn't posted the chapter yet.

Chapter 3

CCG opened memo on board ROMANCE ADVICE FOR FUCKING WRIGGLERS.

CCG: OKAY BITCHES.
CCG: I’M NOT IN THE MOOD TO ANSWER A LOT OF YOU.
CCG: I’VE HAD A HARD TIME FOR ALMOST AN HOUR NOW, AND IT’S STILL NOT OVER.
CCG: AND NO, I’M NOT GOING TO FUCKING TELL YOU WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.
CCG: ALL THAT I'LL SAY IS THAT RIGHT NOW, I ONLY WANT TO HEAR THE PAST SELVES OF ERIDAN, VRISKA, AND GAMZEE THIS TIME.
CCG: NOBODY ELSE. NO HUMANS, NO OTHER TROLLS.
CCG: BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW WHY WITHOUT MAKING THEM DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE...
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 300 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAG: Ooooooooh, Karkat?
PAG: What's this?
PAG: You're inviiiiiiiiting me to come? ::::)
CCG: GOD DAMNIT, SERKET.
CCG: IF THIS WAS ANY OTHER MEMO, EVEN OTHERWISE FROM THIS BOARD, YOU WOULD BE BANNED NOW.
PAG: 8ut why won't you do that now?
PAG: I am very sure I'm not using my powers on you right now!
CCG: I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS, BUT I NEED YOU FOR SOMETHING.
PAG: Well, duh, that's why i'm here now. 8ecause you asked for it.
PAG: See? I'm not all that 8itchy! I'm doing this juuuuuuuust for you!
CCG: SHUT YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE AND LISTEN.
CCG: I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
CCG: ARE YOU WITH TAVROS RIGHT NOW?
CCG: AT YOUR TIME, I MEAN.
PAG: No, of course not!
PAG: Toreadum8ass is somewhere on his land pro8a8ly, sleeping and wasting time on Prospit.
CCG: NOW THAT'S JUST IT.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CALL HIM A DUMBASS?
PAG: H8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8, are you serious Karkat?
PAG: Why the fuck would you ask that?
PAG: We all know Nitram is a coward. ::::)
CCG: I KNOW HE IS.
CCG: BUT IT'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO DO LIKE THAT TO HIM.
CCG: HE'SOUR FRIEND AND TEAMMATE.
PAG: Pffffffff, Karkat, you're so dum8 for a leader.
PAG: You're not acting like a real Troll!
PAG: If Alternia still existed, he'd get culled soon enough!
CCG: THAT'S THE THING.
CCG: WE'RE NOT ON ALTERNIA ANYMORE.
CCG: ALTERNIA IS GONE, WE WERE THE LAST TROLLS ALIVE.
CCG: WE HAD TO KEEP OUR ASSES THE FUCK TOGETHER.
CCG: AND NOW THAT FUCKING CHANCE IS ALL FUCKING GONE THANKS TO FUCKING YOU AND OTHER FUCKING SHITHEADS.
PAG: Wow, Karkat, aren't you a 8iiiiiiiit overreacting?
PAG: What would 8e so awful in the future?
PAG: Does it have to do with the fight with the 8lack King or something?
CCG: YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
CCG: UGH.
CCG: I SHOULD STOP BEFORE I BECOME THE ONE TO CAUSE THIS.
CCG: JUST...
CCG: DON'T FIGHT TAVROS, OKAY?
PAG: Me? Fighting Tavros????????
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, you're out of your mind Karkat!
PAG: He's such a wimp, he isn't worth fighting!
PAG: 8ut okay, I won't attack Tavros even if he's still such a coward in the future. ::::)
CCG: I'M GETTING A FUCKING HEADACHE HERE.
CCG: UGH, JUST GET OUT.
CCG banned PAG from responding to memo.
CCG: THERE.
CCG: NOW,
CCG: WHERE ARE YOU, ERIDAN AND GAMZEE?
CCG: I STILL NEED TO TALK TO YOU BOTH.
CCG: RIGHT HERE, RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 250 HOURS AGO began responding to memo.
PTC: HeY, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
PTC: wHy DiD yOu InViTe Me FoR tHiS mIrAcLe MeMo?
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 123 HOURS AGO began responding to memo.
PCA: hey kar wwhats wwrong
PCA: wwhy are me and gamzee needed here
CCG: I NEED TO ASK BOTH OF YOU SEPERATE QUESTIONS.
CCG: BUT WHICH ALL BOIL DOWN TO SIMILAR FUCKING THINGS YOU 2 DID IN THE FUTURE
PTC: WhOa, WhAt's So MoThErFuCkInG bAd AbOuT tHe FuTuRe?
PCA: yeah kar id like to knoww too
PCA: i dont think i wwould do somethin similar like gamzee
PCA: wwait
PCA: do you mean i got in a quadrant wwith him
PTC: MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLeS bRo.
CCG: NO NO NO, YOU STUPID ASSHOLES WITH SHIT IN YOUR HEADS,
CCG: IT'S NOTHING YOU DID TO EACH OTHER.
CCG: AND I WON'T TELL YOU WHAT YOU TWO DID OR I'D PROBABLY CAUSE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CCG: FUCKING PARADOX SPACE.
PCA: then if you wwont tell us then wwhy are wwe evven here
CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WAS GETTING TO THAT.
CCG: NOW, SHUT UP FOR REAL FOR A SECOND GAMZEE, I'M FIRST GOING TO ASK ERIDAN.
PTC: GoT iT, bRo.
PTC: i'lL jUsT sPaCe OuT a BiT.
CCG: ALRIGHT, ERIDAN.
CCG: MY QUESTION IS, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FEFERI AND KANAYA?
PCA: wwhat
PCA: kar you already knoww that
PCA: fef fuckin quit as my moirail and doesnt wwant anythin to do wwith me anymore
PCA: but she doesnt realize yet howw perfect wwe wwould be as matesprits
PCA: i mean come on wwere the only alivve seadwwellers anymore
CCG: UGH, COME ON.
CCG: BE REALISTIC, LIKE YOU SAID, SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE.
CCG: WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE FOR THE REST OF THE GAME AND AFTERWARDS.
CCG: ESPECIALLY AFTERWARDS.
PCA: wwoww kar
PCA: thats a bit harsh
PCA: and it sounds a bit pale too
PCA: wwait that wwould be a good thing if you wwere pale for her
PCA: then she wwould only consider me in the flushed quadrant anymore
PCA: okay please keep doin that kar
CCG: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I AM NOT HER MOIRAIL.
CCG: NOR WOULD I EVER WANT TO BE IT.
CCG: SHE'S A NICE GIRL, NOTHING MORE THAN THAT.
PCA: wwoww chill out kar
CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CCG: UGH, I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE.
CCG: JUST, OKAY.
CCG: YOU FUCKING WANT HER AND DON'T CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS AT ALL, I FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT.
PCA: kar thats not true
PCA: you knoww that
PCA: come on
CCG: MOVING THE FUCK ON.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS BETWEEN YOU AND KANAYA.
CCG: I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND.
CCG: ONE MOMENT SHE'S HELPING YOU, THE NEXT MOMENT YOU...
CCG: FUCK.
PCA: she helped me
PCA: cool
PCA: anywway theres nothin special about us
PCA: wwere friends could become more though
CCG: OKAY, AFTER ALL THIS, I UNDERSTAND ONE THING.
CCG: I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
CCG: NOR DO I UNDERSTAND YOUR MOTIVES BEHIND EVERYTHING.
CCG: I'M SICK OF TALKING WITH YOU.
CCG: GOODBYE FUCKER.
CCG banned PCA from responding to memo.
CCG: ALRIGHT GAMZEE, YOU ARE NEXT IN FUCKING LINE.
CCG: I REALLY DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO INTERRUPT THIS.
CCG: THIS IS FUCKING PERSONAL.
CCG: EVEN MORE THAN THE PREVIOUS THINGS.
CCG: ...
CCG: GAMZEE, GET YOU ASS THE FUCK BACK IN HERE BEFORE I BURN YOUR ASS OFF WITH MY RAGE UNTIL IT DISSOLVES INTO NOTHINGNESS.
PTC: WhOa, HeY tHeRe BrO.
PTC: i WaSn't PaYiN aTtEnTiOn.
PTC: ThIs LaNd HaS sO mUcH mIrAcLeS tO rEgArD.
CCG: FUCK YOU, GAMZEE.
CCG: YOU WERE MY FUCKING FRIEND.
CCG: I TRUSTED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE TEAM.
CCG: I TRUSTED YOU MORE THAN TAVROS.
CCG: I TRUSTED YOU EVEN MORE THAN FUCKING TEREZI.
CCG: I TRUSTED YOU EVEN MORE THAN FUCKING KANAYA.
CCG: I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU EVEN FUCKING MORE THAN MY OWN FUCKING SELF.
PTC: WoW, bRo, I tHiNk YoU sHoUlD sLaM sOmE wIcKeD eLiXiR aNd CaLm DoWn A bIt.
CCG: SEE? THIS IS WHAT I LIKED ABOUT YOU.
CCG: I LIKED YOUR FUCKING STUPIDNESS AND UNAWARENESS, WITH ME HAVING TO SNAP YOU BACK INTO THE REAL WORLD.
CCG: YOU WERE MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND.
CCG: WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED TO YOU??????????
PTC: I'M sOrRy BrO. i'm SoRrY fOr WhAtEvEr I aPpArEnTlY dId.
PTC: yOu'rE mY mOtHeRfUcKiN bEsT fRiEnD tOo, MoThEr FuCkEr.
PTC: WhY dOn't YoU cOmE oVeR tO wHeRe I aM iN yOuR tImE aNd GeT yOuR cHiLl On?
CCG: ...
CCG: YOU'RE RIGHT. I SHOULDN'T RUN AWAY FROM YOU ANYMORE.
CCG: I SHOULD FACE YOU AND FINISH THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.
CCG: I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT THIS PART OF YOU COULD JUST HAVE DISAPPEARED LIKE THAT.
CCG: THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE.
CCG: I SHOULD RISE UP AS THE LEADER I AM AND FACE THE THREAT AND STOP IT.
CCG: GAMZEE, I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT YOU'RE STILL IN THERE.
PTC: WoAh, BrO.
PTC: tHoSe ArE sOmE hEaVy WoRdS.
PTC: CoMe AnD fInD mE bRo.
PTC: i'm AlWaYs ThErE fOr YoU.
CCG: ...
CCG: I'M NOT SURE WHAT I SHOULD ANSWER TO THAT.
CCG: BYE, I GUESS.
CCG banned PTC from responding to memo.
CCG: HOLY HELL, THIS WAS SUCH A BAD MEMO.
CCG: I EVEN WENT OFF-TOPIC IN MY OWN BOARD, FUCKING GOD.
CCG: I DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ANY ROMANTIC ADVICE.
CCG: I GUESS I JUST WANTED SOME MOTIVES FOR WHAT HAPPENED.
CCG: I'M NOT SURE IF THIS BOARD WILL EVER GET A MEMO AGAIN.
CCG: OFCOURSE YOU SHITHEADS FROM PAST AND FUTURE ALREADY KNOW, AND I DON'T.
CCG: I WONDER, WHY DID NOBODY EVER FUCKING TELL ME?
CCG: UGH, GOODBYE I GUESS.
CCG: SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE, PAST, PRESENT OR ALL OF IT FUCKERS.
CCG closed memo.

Notes:

Okay, I just wanna say this right here, right now.

I hate the formatting here.

Everything screws up all the time with a little change, and I really can't get the first line blackened. Also, I wanted to write the hate symbol, but then AO3 cut off all words after that???

Seriously, WHAT THE FUUUUUU-