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That Time Ororo Knocked Up Logan

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This was how they found out Logan had a secondary mutation.

Logan came down to breakfast one crisp autumn morning, bent down to pick up some napkins he'd knocked over, and his pajama pants split with a ripping noise.

Logan had stood up with great dignity. "'scuse me," he said and walked down to Hank's lab, where Hank had been up since the other day doing Science.

"That's funny," said Remy, digging into Jubilee's supply of Coco Puffs. "I thought Wolverine couldn't get bigger."

"I should have said something about too much poutine," Bobby muttered to himself. "Perfect moment. Perfect moment."

And then the matter was forgotten until Logan and Ororo were seen arguing in the den by a sampling of X-Men who had just wanted to watch whether or not Magneto had managed to get elected president in his latest plot. The words 'protection' and 'irresponsible' and 'are we ready?' came up.

Scott had cleared his throat.

"Logan," he said as leaderly as he could, "have you gotten Ororo pregnant?" He said it like Logan had robbed a bank.

"No," said Logan, looking at Scott with disdain. "She's knocked me up."

And that was how they found out Logan had a secondary mutation.

His cravings weren't things like peanut butter and pickles. They were bare knuckle brawls, and trying to find ways to lure Sabretooth over for a pounding. After the third time, Sabretooth stopped taking the bait.

Rogue tried taking up knitting, because that seemed the thing to do for a teammate with a baby on the way. After the fourth time she ripped the yarn to pieces in frustration, Logan was woken up from a nap on the living room couch by a package of purchased baby socks flung at his head.

Bobby declared it 'too weird for words' and he and Jubilee entered into a pact of denial.

Remy was smart enough to stay out of Logan's way, focusing on teasing Ororo that she'd made him an honourary uncle.

"Y'gonna have to make an honest man of him, chere," he said. "You can't go breaking hearts and leaving babies behind you, Stormy."

"I do not intend to marry someone simply because I impregnated them," said Ororo. Then she covered her face. "I impregnated Wolverine."

Remy laughed until he choked.

Month five was spent reclaiming his masculinity by trying to lumberjack the surrounding woods. He was put to a stop for the sake of the local ecology.

By month six, Ororo and Logan were discussing baby names.

"Scott?" was the first suggestion.

Logan did not speak to Ororo for a week.

"Charles?" was the second.

"You want our kid to be named Chucky?" said Logan.

"You're being very difficult, Logan," said Ororo.

"Then you shoulda worn protection, darlin'," he replied.

As the end of one of the more normal episodes in X-Men history came to a close, various members found reasons to be far elsewhere for the next month, or longer if Logan was late. Jean and Hank stayed, to help and because Jean was still quite chuffed over being asked to be the godparent. Ororo stayed out of responsibility.

Charles stayed because his flight got cancelled due to Skrulls.

In the end, it was a bouncing baby girl who was quite healthy and bore a strong resemblance Ororo, but Hank cautioned them that at any time the baby could turn out to be Canadian.

They smiled. They cooed. The baby shot lighting into the ceiling fan. They screamed.

And after that, Ororo and Logan practiced much safer sex and lived happily ever after.