“We need a really good serial killer” Sherlock explained as he plopped down in a chair in front of Lestrade’s desk.
“We don’t really try to encourage that sort of thing, Sherlock.” Lestrade sighed as the consulting detective began moving objects around on the desk.
“Clearly,” Sherlock huffed. “Haven’t had a lot you couldn’t solve on your own in the last 3 weeks, four days, seven hours and twenty-seven minutes. The criminals in this town are getting sloppy.”
“Or the detectives in this department are getting more efficient,” Lestrade offered.
“Don’t be absurd,” Sherlock protested.
“Go away, Sherlock. As you’ve so clearly stated, there is nothing for you to do here.”
“July’s been dreadfully dull.”
Lestrade rolled his eyes, “It’s been a nightmare!”
“No really good murders in 3 weeks….”
“Other stuff’s been going on, Sherlock.”
Sherlock wrinkled his nose in disgust, “That’s political. Who cares about politics, aside from Mycroft?”
“And most other adults.”
“Boring,” Sherlock huffed and stood to leave. “But we really do need a serial killer, soon, this week preferably.”
“Why the rush?”
“Check your email.”
Sherlock was already down the hall and out of earshot. Lestrade logged into his email.
He gasped when he saw the sender of the third from the top. Victoria Holmes He hadn’t heard from her since the thank you note brouhaha at Christmas had finally petered out in February. He hoped the whole thing wasn’t about to be revisited, but he could go a few more rounds. Really it was in deference to Mycroft that he left the whole thing finally drop.
He couldn’t imagine she’d bring it up after so many months. Surely there was some kind of statute of limitations to thank you note wars.
Re: August Holiday plans.
From the desktop of Victoria Holmes:
You will all be spending your summer holiday with me beginning August 6th. This is not a request.
This invitation applies only to those who originally received this email. It does not apply to anyone who reads this through those garish glass walls. Nor does it apply to members of the press corps to whom Sherlock might forward this “accidentally”.
After our last holiday together, I thought it was necessary to review the guidelines for summer guests.
I expect you not before 12:00pm and not after 1:30pm. If you plan to arrive earlier, please inform the staff a full 24 hours before your arrival. If you are detained you will miss Sunday Roast. You may have cold sandwiches in the kitchen. There will be no late seating.
I understand this summer has been unseasonably warm. However, gests will be required to wear regulation length trousers at every meal. There are no exceptions.
Mycroft- The OED first defines Holiday as an extended period of leisure and recreation, especially one spent away from home or in travelling. Your prior holidays have indicated that you find the away from home part to be the operative part of that definition. However, I wish for you focus on the words leisure and recreation. In simpler terms: There will be no use of your mobile phone at meal times.
I do not care what is going on in the world. If the Prime Minister, the American President, or J.K. Rowling really must urgently speak with you, that does not give them the right to interrupt meal times. If they turn up late, again, they will not be seated. They are welcome to wait for you to be done in the sitting room.
Sherlock- The boats at the lake are for recreation. They are not for experimentation.
You may not puncture holes in them to see how long it takes them to sink.
You may not douse each of the boats with flammable liquids to see which is the first to ignite. If the boats were to catch fire you should not stand at the shore with multiple timing devices to see which burns fastest. You may use whichever method proved most effective last year to extinguish the fires, however, you should not use the opportunity to test new methods.
Gregory- I suspect you would like to spend time at and even in the lake. I cannot imagine why.
The boathouse is for the storage of boats and boating accessories. It is for nothing else.
The lake is for swimming, boating, and general enjoyment. All of these activities can be done while fully clothed, especially during daylight hours.
The Vicar is still fond of taking walks around the lake. Should you meet him on the path again, do not be naked.
John- Do not encourage Mycroft in his work.
Do not encourage Sherlock in his experimentation.
Do not join Gregory in his debauchery.
And do not even think about blogging about the trip.
Martha- Do you have any more of those herbal confections you brought at Christmas? Is it possible to get them in more summer friendly sweets? I have an ice cream maker.
If we all follow the simple rules I’ve set forth, I believe this will be a more restful holiday for all.
Lestrade stopped scouring the email for loopholes when he heard his phone buzz.
What exactly are regulation trousers? -John.
Lestrade laughed and responded almost at once: