Chapter Text
TG: so you've been cybering with the lisping alien hacker
TG: for twelve years
GG: he doesnt lisp anymore, his teeth grew back normal!!
TG: and youre telling me now because
GG: because it wasnt.........................
TG: time
GG: ..............................
TG: time
GG: ...................
TG: time then shades
GG: ..........
TG: time
GG: ...............
TG: time/shades lets go
GG: .......
GG: ....
GG: ...
TG: oh my fucking god
GG: ..
GG: .
GG: time 8)
GG: to tell you, i mean
GG: it wasnt the right time to tell you i guess
GG: i didnt think it would matter to you!!
TG: well
TG: maybe it does
TG: maybe youre not my ghost slime goth witch sister niece onetime incestuous love interest
TG: but if you remember
TG: we just like saved the world together
TG: this one time
TG: perhaps you recall
TG: cloning up some frogs
TG: your ghost slime brother getting stabbed like six times or whatever
TG: your ghost slime cousin sex god idol friendbro dying like innumerable times
TG: you wouldnt recall that sorry
TG: you werent in those timelines
TG: i was though
TG: dying
TG: for you jade
TG: always for you
TG: so you would someday get laid without resorting to transdimentional booty calls
GG: okay!!!!!!!
GG: i get it, i should have told you!!
GG: dont be a dick
GG: and we havent been cybering, and it is not a booty call!
GG: i dont even know what that is
GG: booty call, i mean, i know what cybering is
TG: fuck dont tell me that jade
TG: i know that rose has seen some serious shit
TG: ive read her horrifying slash fics
TG: ive seen that two thousand yard fandom stare she gets
TG: she half-sleeps at night and ships old ass wizards all day
TG: but youre the only pure and good thing i got left now that egbert is railing that deplorable female
TG: please dont tell me you got your sex ed when you webcamd with some internet wannabe humbert humbert
TG: i couldnt handle it
GG: daaaaaaave
GG: shut up
GG: youre not as funny as you think you are!!
GG: i learned about cybering the same way you did, fox newscasts
GG: just because i know what it is doesnt mean i do it!
GG: and dont be jealous! you know i love you the most
GG: forever and always
GG: ill always be your bro dave, no matter what kind of dipshit things you say!
GG: ^_^
TG: i wish nepeta never taught you that smiley
TG: every time i see it i reach for the razor
TG: lil cal has to grab it from me
TG: otherwise its up the river not cross the bridge
TG: goodnight sweet prince
TG: or goodnight sweet witch which sounds pretty shitty
TG: goodnight sweet knight would be ok
GG: dave oh my god
GG: shut up!!!!!!!!! >:(
TG: thanks for interrupting my soliloquy
TG: how else is the audience supposed to relate to me
TG: im now some kind of horrible antihero and everyone is rooting for me to be eaten by my own hubris
GG: omg i cant even deal with this right now
GG: stop
TG: cant stop
GG: stop
TG: wont stop
GG: stop
TG: ok guess ill stop tell me though how long have you been all up in his grill
GG: stop
GG: stop
GG: stop
GG: sorry i was just copy-pasting
GG: and i havent been up in his grill :(
GG: thats means mouth, right?
GG: how could i get in his mouth over the internet, dave!
GG: RIDDLE ME THAT, FUCKASS!!!!
TG: ok sorry troll messiah ill get right on that
GG: im sorry, i didnt mean go all karkat at you
GG i am just so sick of people misunderstanding!
GG: first john and then rose and now you
GG: not to mention bec
GG: and grandpa
TG: wow
TG: didnt realize you were getting it from all angles
TG: kind of shitty
TG: esp from your grandad isnt he dead and stuffed on your mantle or some shit
GG: well he looks at me disapprovingly from the mantle!
GG: and its not like ive done anything!
GG: i didnt even ask him to visit, it was all his idea
GG: it could be totally platonic for all you know
TG: thats not what terezi smells
GG: does she know how your FACE smells????
TG: i hope so she licked it enough
TG: its prob different now that i got to shave though
TG: barbasol changes everything jade
TG: everything
GG: dave i do not even care a little about your face and its hair!!
GG: i just wanted you to wish me luck!
GG: this that so much to ask?
TG: ok my darling paradox fate wife
TG: good luck
TG: when he breaks your heart ill be here waiting
GG: oh my god dave shut up!!!
GG: the next time i see you i am going to shoot you in your stupid mouth!
TG: too bad your devilbeast dog will send your shots into the sun
TG: or my torso
TG: whichever
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --