1. The oldest one
Clint slept with Natasha years ago, when he first started at Shield and was assigned to her as her partner. It wasn’t even his idea in the first place (he had thought about it, of course he had. No guy who didn’t hit a 6 on the Kinsey scale wouldn’t have thought about it, not when their partner was a lithe, 5' 4" redhead that could take their ass in a fight).
But as he said it hadn’t been his idea but Natasha’s. She called it “satisfying our curiosity” and kicked him out right after it.
Turned out she was right. From that day on they worked flawlessly together, no tension and no awkwardness. Natasha’s his best friend and she’s the only one he doesn’t boast with (for which she would probably get reassigned to Antarctica for).
2. The easiest one
Thor is the easiest of all of them. They got out for a drink, Thor turns on that charm that turns even Tony into a giggling schoolgirl, they go home and fuck. Thor has a gorgeous body and a breathtakingly sweet smile and he certainly knows what he’s doing. Afterwards Clint goes back to his own bed and everything’s fine.
Over team breakfast the next morning Clint discovers that Thor is very of fond of flirting and double entendres.
“Slept well?” He asks when Clint comes in, voice all deep and sultry.
“You’d know,” Clint replies from under his lashes.
“The son of Coul mentioned you’re good at hand to hand,” Thor winks at him, “I think I could pound you into the mattress.” He says the last thing very casually.
“You need more than just to swing your hammer to keep me down.” Steve actually choked and coughed with Tony rubbing his back sympathetically.
“Guys, please, some people try to eat here,” Tasha rolls her eyes at them and steals the last chocolate roll from Clint’s plate.
“Going to swing that hammer for me, big guy?” Clint asks later of the radio when they’re in battle. As usual he’s covering the team from above.
“Hard and fast, just as you like it.”
“Maybe I want to try something new...How about to-“ As it turns out flirting with Thor when Loki is in the vicinity is a lousy idea.
3. The experiment.
On the one hand technically Clint doesn’t actually have sex with Bruce. On the other hand he kind of has. It’s complicated. It’s an experiment. All the other Avengers have shot him down but Clint could never stay away from a challenge (Natasha rips him a new one for it, saying that if Tony is smart enough to stay away so should he).
Bruce is all about learning to control his body, his heartbeat. Understandable but still incredibly risky.
“I thought you had anger management courses for that,” Clint teases him when Bruce asks.
“It’s not anger, it’s something else.”
“You know...”Bruce squirms and trails off. “I need to do this with someone I find attractive.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Clint grins.
“Do you have to be such an asshole about it?”
“Have we met?” Clint asks in return.
“Forget I asked.” Bruce turns to go but Clint catches his arm.
“Relax, I’m doing it.”
“You do know what I’m asking, right?” Bruce asks with big eyes.
“Yes, yes and if it goes wrong I will die a slow and painful death, right?”
“Actually I think it would be very fast.”
“But still incredibly painful.”
“You need a better selling point.” And when Bruce opens his mouth to protest (doubtlessly with something about scientific accuracy and what not) Clint kisses him.
“There, see, we can work with this.” Clint grins and slaps Bruce’s arm.
They use Shield’s basement for their experiment. That’s about the only room that can hold Bruce in his Hulk form and they actually have some privacy here. The first couple times Clint is the adjacent room, talking to Bruce over the com system, describing in detail what he would like to do with Bruce.
Bruce is a perfectly attractive man and imagining having sex with him is as easy as breathing for Clint. To his disappointment Bruce masters this stage rather quickly. Clint is quite the fan of phone sex. There’s nothing sexier than someone else’s mind and voice and Clint likes the feeling of power when he imagines what effect his voice alone has on the person on the other end.
“How’s your experiment with Bruce going?” Steve asks one day, sounding absolutely, genuinely interested. Tony is snickering behind his coffee mug for which Clint throws him a dark look.
“He asked you, too?” Clint asks because he can’t imagine Bruce asking Steve. Everyone and their dog know that Steve has never slept with anyone.
“No, I was just interested. He mentioned something about working on his concentration.” Steve smiles gullibly, getting up to clean his dishes.
“You know, we’re making progress.” Clint answers, kicking Tony under the table.
“That’s good,” Steve replies, “I’m glad you’re helping him out.”
As soon as he’s out of the door, Tony breaks out into roaring laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Coulson asks, walking in. He usually leaves so early and comes back so late that Clint forgets he lives here too.
“Steve thinks....Clint and Bruce...experiment....”Tony gasps out. Clint knows that Coulson knows what he’s talking about, he approved the room booking after all.
“Just be careful,” Coulson murmurs to him and lays his hand for a fleeting second on Clint’s shoulder.
“Have I ever let you down?” Clint asks cheekily but the feeling of Coulson’s hand lingers on his skin.
Coulson gives him a look that clearly asks if Clint really wants to discuss this here in front of all his teammates.
“Never mind,” Clint gives in.
The next stage involves kissing, lots and lots of kissing and some groping when Bruce has a good day but it’s also the last stage because they never go further than that.
“I can only control my body so far,” Bruce explains to him. They’re lying on the cot together, facing each other. Bruce’s lips are red and swollen and Clint can feel his breath on his face. They’re both clothed but it still feels a lot more intimate than many times he has had actual sex.
“So that’s it?”
“Don’t tell me you’ll miss this,” Bruce sounds quietly amused.
“No,” And it’s the truth and a lie at the same time.
Bruce stretches out his hand towards him but hesitates halfway through.
“Can I?” He murmurs, only touching him when Clint nods.
“If I could,” his fingers trail down from Clint’s chest to his belt. They have never done it this way around. “I would undress you slowly, one piece at a time. I’ve seen what you look like under these,” his fingers tease the skin on Clint’s waist, just a light touch that shouldn’t be as arousing as it is. “No need to rush. I would savour it, caress every inch of it,” he lays his hand flat against Clint’s stomach, his thumb caressing his skin just like he said and Clint’s breath hitches in his throat.
“Strangely enough you’re never talking in my fantasy,” there’s a quiet laugh in Bruce’s tone.
“I’m not talking now.” Clint points out.
“Yes, you do,” Bruce smiles and kisses him. It’s a different kiss than before. It feels as if they’re saying goodbye which Clint supposes is true from a certain point of view.
Clint lies back, puling Bruce half on top of him, spreading his legs for him to settle between them but Bruce pushes away before things can get out of control. Clint isn’t sure he doesn’t wasn’t risk it, just for once.
“Take off your shirt,” Bruce tells him whisperingly and Clint complies within a heartbeat.
“What else would you do?” Clint asks hoarsely when Bruce makes no move to do anything but look at him.
“I thought you were meant to be patient.” Bruce laughs quietly.
“I am patient,” Clint tries to move upwards to kiss Bruce, to speed things up, to risk everything for once but Bruce stops him with a hand on his chest.
“I’d fuck you,” he says almost casually and very un-Bruce-like. “I’d make you go down on your knees, wrap that pretty mouth around my cock and make you suck me until my knees would tremble.” Clint breathes faster and Bruce skilfully uses his hand to open Clint’s belt.
“I’d get you on your back, just like you are now: legs spread, pupils blown,” his hand slips inside Clint’s jeans, wrapping around his cock. “You want me so much right now; you’d risk your life for it.” Bruce has himself absolutely under control, Clint can see that through the haze of arousal before his climax washes over him, leaving him breathless and boneless on the cot.
Bruce gets up first, wiping his hand on Clint’s shirt.
“Thanks for your help again.”
“So, no more kinky sex with Hulk in the basement?”Tony teases him.
“Even the Hulk can only take so much,” Clint grins lecherously and winks at Bruce.
“Why don’t you two get a room and get over with it?” Natasha mutters. Clint pulls her into his lap.
“Why don’t you tell us who’s better.”
“Fury,” she says without missing a beat, leaving Tony choking on his coffee and Clint staring after her speechlessly.
4. The first one
Steve is unplanned. Steve is an accident. Steve is a virgin (Clint has heard about Peggy Carter, Howard Stark and Bucky Barnes. He figures they were all saints or something).
Steve has had a bad day and everyone else is somewhere else and Clint is not the guy people go to when they want to talk but Steve makes an exception for him.
It’s the day he freed everyone from Hydra only for them to die later: Bucky and Falsworth and Dugan and Morita and Jones and Dernier. Clint asks Steve to tell him about them and Steve tells him about the time Dernier and Jones bullshitted their way into a Hydra base pretending to be lost French farmers, how beat Howard Stark in reassembling a tank, the rescue mission for Dum-Dum Dugan’s bowler (Clint tells him a similar story about Nick Fury’s eyepatch which makes Steve laugh and Clint realise how beautiful he truly is). He tells Clint about Bucky breaking up a fight between Steve and Falsworth over the importance of Degas for impressionism and about his late night fondues with Howard (something about the way Steve smiles whenever he says fondue makes Clint suspect that there’s more to the story but he doesn’t ask).
Steve becomes sad when he talks about his missed dance with Peggy and there are tears in his eyes when he talks about Bucky, the best friend he saved only to fail to bring him home. Steve’s voice breaks when he describes how close he was to reaching him, how Bucky screamed when he fell – and at this point Clint takes Steve’s face between his hands and kisses him.
He whispers reassuring, soothing words when he presses Steve into the couch. He’s probably taking advantage of Steve’s state of mind, of his vulnerability and inexperience but sex can be a comfort, too.
It’s all gentle and slow and low-key but Clint still feels guilty afterwards. Not only because he did take advantage of Steve but because he’s not one for emotional attachments and Steve deserves better.
They don’t mention it, even if sometimes Steve looks at Clint in a way that makes him uncomfortable until, weeks later, one morning Tony flirting with Steve once again and Clint says without thinking,
“Go for it, Tony. Steve’s not a blushing virgin. I took care of that part.” Stony silence falls over the kitchen until Steve gets up and leaves. Tony looks like someone slapped him when the one getting slapped is Clint by Natasha.
“You’re so insensitive sometimes I don’t even know why I put up with you.”
Even Thor growls at him “This is not a boasting matter” and Bruce says “Think before you open your mouth sometimes.”
He goes to find Steve later, handing him his favourite soda as an offer for an apology. “Here.”
“This is...” Steve trails off, frowning at him. “Where did you get that?”
“I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you,” Clint smiles disarmingly but the truth is that he owns Agent Delaware a huge favour for getting him pre-war soda.
The silence stretches between them until Clint says, “I’m sorry about earlier.”
“It’s okay,” Steve gives him a fake smile. “I guess I should’ve known it wouldn’t matter as much to you as it did to me.”
Clint hasn’t felt guiltier in ages.
“It mattered to me,” he tries to assure Steve. “But I’m different than you. For me sex is just sex. I’m not looking for a meaningful connection.”
“That sounds lonely,” Steve says and Clint should really not keep forgetting that Steve is actually a very sensitive guy when it comes to personal matters.
“I’m not,” Clint says firmly. “Some advice for you: stop thinking about me and go out with Tony. He does sleep with people because he’s lonely and looking for someone. You two are on the same page. And he’s a great guy but if you ever tell him that I said that I’ll drop you right back into the arctic.”
“Okay,” Steve lets out a startled breath, “Thanks, I guess.”
“You’re welcome.” Clint smiles.
5. The one where nothing happened
Clint has never actually slept with Tony Stark. Sure they pretend they have and boast loudly about each other’s virility (Tony tells him later that the look on Coulson’s face was so worth taking up the charade which Clint calls bullshit because Coulson’s face gives nothing away the man doesn’t want to show) but then people also believe that he slept with a) Darcy (who’s lesbian), b)Loki (which okay, he did but he didn’t know it was Loki at the time) c)all of Asgard (up to and including Thor’s and Loki’s parents) d) all of Shield as well (which is just as ridiculous as the last one) and e)Nick Fury (which he would do if Fury wasn’t his boss and fucking scary).
Clint makes a pass at Tony a couple weeks after the disaster with Steve but Tony shoots him down.
“As grateful as I am for pushing Steve in my direction he takes faithfulness very seriously.”
“Do you make it a point to sleep with everyone on the team?” Tony’s tone is simply curious, not accusing.
“Do you?” Clint asks back.
“I haven’t slept with Thor or Bruce.” Tony counters.
“I haven’t slept with you,” Clint shoots back.
“You could have,” A grin is spreading over Tony’s face. “We could say that we have.”
“All of a sudden?” Clint asks sceptically.
“Right here on the kitchen table.” Tony’s grin spreads wider.
“We could make it every room in the mansion,” Clint says, warming up the idea.
“Maybe a couple in Shield, too. Maybe I found you all fucked out and willing in the basement after one of your experiments with Bruce.”
“You’d take advantage of a man in that state?” Clint grins.
“You were begging so prettily.” Tony replies, obviously having fun.
“And you?” Clint asks back, “fucking me in the shower right after our last battle because you couldn’t take the heat. And here,” He crowds Tony against the counter, “spreading your legs for me because you were too impatient to make it to the bedroom.”
“In the gym, I’m taking you down and you come without being touched because you get off on being manhandled.”
“What do you get from it?” Clint asks finally.
“Seeing Coulson’s face when he finds out I took his favourite agent from him,” Tony says, patting him on the shoulder.
“I think you confuse me with Natasha,” Clint calls after him but Tony simply smirks, “Do I?”
6. The complicated one
It’s been a shitty day, too many people dead, too many injured, too many who won’t make it. Natasha is beating the gym equipment into submission and Bruce is hiding in his lab, Steve and Tony have disappeared too and Thor told them he would return to Asgard for the weekend.
That leaves Clint.
Clint has known him for longer than anyone else on the team, even longer than Natasha and the truth is that Clint likes Coulson. He has good instincts, is witty and unflappable and has a dry sense of humour. If anything he’s the best boss Clint has ever known and short of Fury the best agent Shield has.
On the other hand Coulson scares him. He has this slow, secret smile that makes Clint’s knees become weak and a lingering touch that Clint craves so much it almost hurts him. Coulson knows him, his good side and his bad, has seen him weak and tired and hurt and high on life and yet he’s still there.
Coulson stands a couple feet away from the window. There’s soot on his suit and a graze on his cheek that looks uglier than it probably is.
“Agent Barton,” he sounds calm but when Clint moves he sees that his hands are trembling. So he crosses the room and takes Coulson's hands and holds them until they stop shaking, opens his fists so that they are palm to palm, their fingers interlaced. Coulson makes a noise and looks to move in, stops, because that's not who they are, and he won’t let himself be another of Clint’s meaningless conquests, Clint can see him thinking all that and yet it’s all wrong.
He'll tell himself, later, that that's why he kisses Coulson, pushing at his hands every time they lift to stop him, following every step back until Coulson is pressed into the window, until it's too hard and too rough and almost not a kiss at all
But it’s not meaningless because when Clint thinks about Coulson he doesn’t only think about sex (and he thinks about sex a lot) but he sees breakfast and dinner and film nights with Coulson’s head on his shoulder and mornings where he wraps himself around him and kisses his neck not caring that their teammates are in the room as well. He sees birthdays and Christmas and a bed and a flat that they come home to after too long missions in too far away countries.
It’s different because Coulson is not Natasha, there’s no need to satisfy curiosity here and it goes way beyond pure physical attraction so he’s not Thor either. There’s no experiment involved, no pretending and no taking advantage of anyone.
“I love you,” he whispers breathlessly into Coulson’s skin where his neck meets the shoulder. Coulson is safe, loyal and dependable and Clint needs him to be all those things because he wants Coulson to be strong enough to keep him. Even though he thinks it’s a stupid thing to want to give yourself to someone but he does nonetheless.
Afterwards he pretends to sleep but lies awake, listening to Phil breathe and waiting for the urge to run to return but it doesn’t.
“Go to sleep, Clint,” Phil murmurs quietly into his ear, startling him.
“I should go,” He starts to get up but Phil’s grip on his arm is strong enough to hold him back.
“No, you don’t,” Phil says calmly and leans in to kiss him.
He lies back down in Phil’s arms and sleeps.