1. Damaged – Plumb
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
Kurt doesn’t know what he was expecting Blaine to say when he told him that he had something he wanted to talk about, but it wasn’t this. Kurt doesn’t say anything for a minute, which prompts Blaine to ask, “Kurt?”
“I…” Kurt starts, but he can’t think of anything to add to that. Blaine is just looking at him, waiting. Kurt stares at him for a bit before looking away, not really watching people walk past the window of the Starbucks they’re sitting in. And really, Starbucks? Blaine has chosen Starbucks to tell him about this? Kurt slides the paper ring up and down his latte cup as he thinks. He can’t reconcile the Blaine of five minutes ago who was trying to come up with the most complicated latte order ever and a weird fake name to go with it with this new Blaine, who is sitting across from him quietly and says things like, “I was raped,” as though it’s a normal sentence.
He finally manages to ask, “Who?” and realizes as soon as the word is out of his mouth that it is the stupidest thing he has ever said.
Before he can try to take it back, Blaine answers calmly, “I don’t know.” He shrugs a bit.
“You…” Kurt trails off again, biting his lip. Some morbid part of him wants to ask what happened, who did it, how this happened to Blaine, and how did Kurt not know. The details can’t be any worse than the images he’s already trying to stop his imagination from conjuring up. He’s been friends with Blaine for over half a year now. They’ve been something a bit more than friends for a month or two. How did he not know something this important?
“Kurt,” Blaine says. “It’s okay.”
Kurt looks up from his latte in surprise. “How can you say that?”
“It was a long time ago. It really is okay,” Blaine says. “I mean, it’s not.” He pauses. “But I am, y’know?”
Kurt doesn’t know, but he nods anyway.
2. Money – The Beatles
Your lovin' gives me a thrill but your lovin' don't pay my bills
Their first date was kind of unofficial, so neither Kurt nor Blaine had planned anything for it. They’d been out with Wes and David when suddenly the other two had disappeared. They’d sent a text that said “Have fun, we’ll pick you up at 11,” and abandoned them in Westerville’s shopping district. It’d been fun, but hadn’t felt much like a real “date”. Not that Kurt has been on a lot of dates, but still.
Blaine makes a point of telling Kurt to dress nicely for their second date (“Not that you don’t always look nice!”), so Kurt is expecting a nice restaurant. He is not expecting the most expensive steak restaurant in town. Or the valet parking. Or the trip to the jazz bar afterwards, where there is live music and chocolate cake and red wine that Blaine has conned out of a waitress he appears to know. They’re tucked into a dark corner and there’s a flickering candle on the table and when Blaine leans over to kiss him, it’s the most romantic thing Kurt could have ever hoped for.
Their third date, Blaine takes him to an art museum. They spend all day holding hands and wandering through displays of ancient Egyptian and Chinese sculpture. Blaine knows a surprising amount about modern art. While they’re eating tiny sandwiches at the museum café, he tells Kurt about Mondrian disowning the other guy in charge of the De Stijl movement because he painted a diagonal line. As they’re browsing through the gift shop before they leave he grabs a scarf covered in straight lines of red, yellow, and blue and drapes it around Kurt’s shoulders.
“Too bright?” Blaine asks, tilting his head to look at it critically.
“I’ve actually got a grey coat this would look good with,” Kurt says, turning to look in a mirror.
“Okay then,” Blaine says, tugging the scarf back off him and heading for the register. He grins when he hands it back to Kurt.
On their sixth date (seafood in downtown Columbus), Kurt tries to reach for the check first. For the past couple weeks, Blaine has been whipping out a credit card to pay for everything faster than Kurt can even reach for his wallet, and Kurt just doesn’t know how to bring it up. He figures if he’s fast enough to pay for the next couple dates, it will even out.
Kurt’s eyes bug out when he sees the total, gratuity not included.
“Kurt,” Blaine says. He grabs the top of the padded folder the check came in, tugging on it lightly. “Don’t worry about it.”
Kurt swallows. “That’s a lot of money.” There hadn’t been any prices on the menu. In retrospect, that should have told him he couldn’t afford it.
“Don’t worry about it,” Blaine says again. Kurt looks at him doubtfully, but allows Blaine to take the check from him. Blaine slides a credit card into it and hands it to the waiter walking past.
Kurt frowns. “You shouldn’t be spending this much money on me,” he says. Kurt isn’t even putting out.
“I want to,” Blaine tells him. “And I’m telling you, do not worry about it. My parents give me a huge allowance, and I like spending money on you.” He smirks as Kurt blushes.
They’ve been dating for five months now, and Kurt has yet to pay for a date. Or for much of anything else, actually. He stopped noticing after that first month, but when they’re home for summer break Mercedes is not as oblivious. She gapes openly when Blaine accompanies them to the mall and buys Kurt a pair of boots at full price. She pulls him aside when they head to the food court, hissing, “What is going on?”
“What are you talking about?” Kurt asks, watching Blaine in line at Panda Express.
“Blaine just spent a thousand dollars on shoes for you. I know it’s not the first time. What the hell are you doing?”
Kurt turns to look at her, his mouth a thin line. “What exactly are you asking me, Mercedes?”
All she says, with a tilt of an eyebrow, is, “That’s a lot of money.”
“We are not having this conversation,” Kurt says, stalking away from her to join Blaine. Mercedes comes up behind them a minute later. She watches with a dark expression as Blaine pays for Kurt’s meal.
That evening on the phone, Kurt accuses her of being jealous. She’s jealous that he left McKinley. She’s jealous that he has a boyfriend. She’s jealous that his boyfriend is rich.
Mercedes accuses Blaine of being his sugar daddy and he hangs up on her.
When he calls Blaine, upset, he offers to come over and pick him up. They drive around awhile and finally end up back at the mall, because the one thing always guaranteed to cheer Kurt up is shopping. Blaine buys him a new jacket.
3. I Want to Disappear – Marilyn Manson
Now, but I know I wanna disappear!
“Hey,” Mercedes says, coming up behind Kurt in the hallway. He jumps, startled, and spins around to face her. She raises her eyebrows at him. “Geometry notes,” she says, holding out a blue notebook.
“Oh, thanks,” Kurt says, adding the notebook to the stack of wedding planning materials he’s been toting around all week.
She waves as she heads off to her next class. “See you at rehearsal!”
Kurt watches her round the corner before turning back to his locker. It slams in front of him and he just barely manages to step backwards and avoid having it hit his face. Karofsky’s looming over him again, just like yesterday. Kurt takes another step back but only bumps into the lockers.
Karofsky leans closer. “What the hell did you say to Sylvester? I just got called into her office and reamed out for harassing you.”
Kurt’s shaking his head. “Nothing. I didn’t—“ Except yes, actually, he had told Principal Sue that Karofsky was scaring him.
“What did you tell her?” Karofsky growls. His face is only inches from Kurt’s now, his chest pushing against the binders that Kurt is clutching.
“I didn’t tell her anything. I swear.” Karofsky just glares at him, leaning impossibly closer. “I didn’t,” Kurt repeats.
Karofsky reaches up and shoves Kurt’s shoulders lightly, just barely bumping his head against the lockers, before turning and stalking away.
Kurt stays frozen, staring ahead unseeingly, as he watches students and teachers walk past him. He nearly jumps out of his skin when Rachel appears in front of him, touching his elbow lightly and asking, “Kurt?”
She frowns up at him worriedly. “Are you alright?”
He takes a deep breath, clutching his binders closer to his chest. “I’m fine.”
4. Army Corps of Architects – Death Cab for Cutie
I knew the years would move quickly but never quite as fast as this
Rachel is going to New York City, and Finn is going to Columbus. He tells her that isn’t really that far; it only takes ten hours to get to New York and he can totally drive that in one day so they can still see each other all the time.
Rachel’s smile is kind of sad. “We’re not going the same place, Finn.”
“Yeah, I know,” he nods. “We’ll have to use skype or something.”
She shakes her head. “No, I mean our lives. We don’t want the same things at all.”
He doesn’t get it, and the confusion must show on his face because she continues, “I’m going to be at Tisch, it’s the first step towards my career on Broadway. You’re… do you even know what you’re majoring in yet?”
“No, but the admissions guy said that was fine and I could decide later, after I figured out what I liked,” he explains.
“That’s just it though,” Rachel says. “You don’t even know what you want to do. I’ve known since I was in preschool.” She sighs, and reaches for his hands. “This just isn’t going to work. Not now that we’re in college. We’re just too different.”
“I thought you liked that about us,” Finn finally says.
“I do. I… did.”
“So you’re breaking up with me?” Finn asks. Rachel looks like she’s going to cry. “You don’t even want to try and make this work?”
“I’m sorry.” Rachel is crying now.
Finn stands up and stomps to her door angrily. “Yeah, me too.”
5. Thumbing My Way – Pearl Jam
No matter how cold the winter there's a springtime ahead
“What are you doing? You just past the hospital,” Carole points out, turning to frown at Burt.
“Did I?” he asks.
She crosses her arms, unamused. “Burt, I’m going to be late for work.”
“It’ll be okay,” he assures her.
Her confusion only grows as they pass the garage and pull into the parking lot of McKinley. It’s early, but classes have already started. “What’s going on? Is something wrong? Did the office call or—“ Her mind is already swirling with possible scenarios. Finn got hurt at practice. Finn got into a fight. Kurt got in trouble for yelling at teachers again. Finn and Kurt got into a fight with each other. Finn and Kurt are both high on decongestants again and this is another “we’re really sorry we hired someone incompetent please don’t sue us” parent/teacher meeting.
“The kids are fine,” Burt promises. He hurries around to open her door and takes her arm, leading her towards the school.
“Then why on earth are we here?”
Burt grins at her, and it’s the grin that always makes her feel twenty again. “It’s a surprise,” he says.
He leads her through the halls, which are quiet and mostly empty right now. He stops to look through the window of one classroom, bites his lip, then pushes the door open and pulls her into a room full of kids that appear to be learning about Mars. The teacher looks over at them, confused. “Can I help you?”
“Just ignore us,” Burt tells her, turning to Carole.
He takes both of her hands in his, squeezing them and smiling at her nervously. “Carole, I love you,” he says. “We met here exactly eight months ago and I know that seems a bit fast—“ And then he’s getting down on one knee.
Her mouth drops open in shock. He starts to say something else, but she yells, “Oh my God, yes!” before he can even start.
Burt blinks up at her. “But I haven’t even asked you yet!” he protests.
“Oh.” She’s nearly shaking. “Ask me then.”
“Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” she shouts again, launching herself at him and nearly knocking them both onto the floor as she kisses him.
From somewhere in the room, a boy calls out, “Woo!” and starts applauding.
6. Stop – Spice Girls
Gotta slow it down baby gotta have some fun
Transferring in the middle of the semester means that Kurt doesn’t have a roommate. He’s decided to view this as a perk since getting used to a communal bathroom is bad enough. The extra space means that his room has become the best place to hang out, so he’s used to people dropping by unannounced.
Today, Kurt’s got his headphones in, standing in the middle of the room, singing and dancing along to a song he’s had memorized since he was five. He’s actually pretty proud of himself for remembering all of the hand motions because it’s been forever since he actually listened to this. In between verses, he decides to add a full spin to it and finds Blaine standing in the doorway, watching him with a huge grin.
He does not scream like a girl, no matter what Blaine says later.
7. Exit – U2
So the hands that build can also pull down, even the hands of love
Blaine’s curious. He met Kurt’s parents when they brought him down to Dalton, but he knows that Carole is his step-mom, and a recent addition at that. He’s never heard anything about Kurt’s mom. He hadn’t even seen any picture’s the time he’d been to Kurt’s house. For a while he just leaves it alone, because it’s really not his business and how is he supposed to bring it up anyway? “Hey Kurt, how’d your mom die?” That will go over really well.
But he’s told Kurt all sorts of things about himself, about his past, and somehow Kurt’s silence about his mother feels like Kurt is keeping things from him. He stalks Kurt’s facebook page, but there’s no mention of the mysterious first Mrs. Hummel there either. There are some photos of a very young Kurt having a tea party with teddy bears in an album that Finn has labeled “Revenge”. Kurt has filled the comments with death threats.
Finally Blaine just decides to ask. The worst that can happen is Kurt refuses to answer him and locks himself in his room for a few hours. That’s happened before, and Blaine will feel really bad about it, but maybe Kurt will answer and he can just stop wondering.
After Blaine asks what happened to her, Kurt just stops. He finally asks, “What difference does it make?”
“I just wondered,” Blaine explains. “You never talk about her.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. She’s dead.”
Blaine fumbles for a response, already regretting this conversation. He should have just kept his mouth shut. “How— was she sick?”
Kurt sighs. “She was manic-depressive.” He starts messing with his nails, examining the cuticles.
“Yes.” He looks up at Blaine, his expression that carefully blank look he gets sometimes. “She killed herself.” Blaine’s eyes widen, and Kurt sighs. “I don’t know why you wanted to know all this.”
“I just…” Blaine starts, but he doesn’t know why he wanted to know anymore either.
8. Nothing But The Best – Frank Sinatra
I'm gonna start living, you wait and see
Kurt’s been to Dalton once before, but the trip to register for classes is the first time his dad and Carole have seen anything but pictures on a website. Carole looks up at the tall marble pillars of the main building as Burt parks the truck. “Dang…” She glances over her shoulder at Kurt, smiling. “This place is fancy.”
He nods, smiling quickly before turning back to his phone, debating sending a text message. He hasn’t mentioned that he’s transferring to Blaine yet because he isn’t sure what to say. Part of Kurt feels guilty. He’s leaving glee right before Sectionals, he’s forcing his parents to give up their honeymoon, he’s causing nothing but problems and really, if he’d just kept his mouth shut and never confronted Karofsky in the first place then maybe it would never have come to this. The other part of him, a much larger part, is just relieved. He doesn’t know what it’s like to not be bullied and he’s been scared for so long now that he doesn’t quite remember what it feels like to not be terrified all the time. He’s still not used to the idea of not having to look over his shoulder all the time.
The admissions councilor leads them through the main hall and down the spiral staircase Kurt saw during his first visit. Since he’s not trying to blend in with a crowd of boys this time Kurt stares up at the glass ceiling. At the paintings on the wall. At the marble flooring. At the chandeliers.
They’re left alone in another large, fancy room to wait while the councilor goes to find Kurt’s new French teacher, so they can determine his placement. It’s quiet for a minute, before Burt asks, “You think you’re gonna be happy here, kid?”
Kurt looks around at the dark paneling, the large windows, the leather furniture, and, most of all, the lack of anyone waiting around the corner to take out all of their anger and aggression on him. “Yeah,” he says.
9. Silent All These Years – Tori Amos
But what if I'm a mermaid in these jeans of his with her name still on it
There’s a tree outside Santana’s window that is perfect for climbing. Climbing up as she sneaks back in after a night out, hanging on to as she hides from her mother’s ranting; it’s perfect. Brittany pulls herself up the branches and slides through the window in the middle of the night like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Or, she used to. Now she’s probably sneaking into fucking Artie’s room. Sneaking into his fucking room and fucking him.
Santana grabs the first thing she can reach and throws it against her wall. It’s a bottle of hand lotion that thuds against the wall and bursts open on the carpet, leaving a pool of pink liquid. Her mother shouts up the stairs, asking what’s going on.
“Nothing!” Santana screams back. “Leave me alone.” There’s another shout from downstairs, because her mom can’t even bother to come up and yell at her properly. Santana ignores her and shoves the window open, climbing out onto the window ledge and reaching for the nearest tree branch. Puck’s probably just as bored as she is.
10. 4 Minutes – Glee Cast
Well, I can handle that you just gotta show me where it's at
Kurt walks into the rehearsal room and hears trumpets. It is only natural, then, that he immediately drops his bag and stands at attention, waiting for instructions in the form of a creative insult.
“Kurt?” Wes asks, tapping his arm.
Kurt jumps, spinning around to face him. The trumpets haven’t stopped, but now that he’s been startled he allows himself to look around the room and realizes that Coach Sylvester is nowhere in sight. And that the trumpets are far tinnier sounding than usual. Strange.
“Are you okay?” Wes asks slowly, in a voice usually reserved for small children.
“Why is that song playing?” Kurt asks in a whisper.
Wes glances over his shoulder at the other side of the room, where the rest of the Warblers are gathered, then looks back at Kurt. “It’s just a youtube video.”
“Coach Sylvester isn’t here?”
“Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure, yeah, since I don’t know who that is.”
Kurt looks around warily, but doesn’t see anyone in a tracksuit and decides to take Wes’ word for it. Wes is usually honest and always helps him with geometry, so he can trust Wes. “Okay,” Kurt says, finally relaxing a bit.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Wes asks.
“It’s just that song,” Kurt says, with a bit of a shudder. And because Wes and David have already told the entire school about how he used to be a cheerleader, he adds, “I had to do a cheerleading routine to it once. It ruined Madonna for me.”
“About that…” Wes leads him over to where everyone else is gathered around a laptop. “It turns out Blaine has been doing some more googling ever since he found out you were a cheerleader. You should have told us you could hit those low notes too.”
Blaine, whose face is bright red, sinks down lower in his seat when Kurt turns to looks at him.
“I wish we had a marching band,” David says, leaning forward to hit play on the video again.