Dean remembered holding Sam a lot when he was younger. He held him when he cried. He held him when he needed to be feed. Later, he held him when he had nightmares or when dad made them move again. He held him when he got hurt from bullies…then from hunts. He held him when Kathy Simms wasn't his girlfriend anymore. Never mind that he was nine years old. He held him when he was bleeding from a black dog's attack. He held him when he was lying in the hospital bed. He would deny it if Sam even remember it.
He held him when their old home become ghosts r' us and tried to strangle him. He held him when a vision hit Sam like a truck. He held him…when he died in Cold Oak.
Just like now.
God, he thought once was enough. He couldn't do again…but he was.
He was holding his brother while he was dying in his arms.
Fucking angels and their damn end of the world crap.
"This was foretold, Dean," Michael said softly.
He wanted punched that bastard if he wasn't holding his baby brother's bloody body.
"Go the fuck away, you bastard. You got what you wanted. Are you happy? Your brother died? Are you happy that you killed him?"
"I am not happy…it was des.."
"You can screw your destiny. He was about to jump. My brother was about jump into that goddamn pit and you scabbed him, you son of a bitch. His back was turned and you stabbed him. You are no better than a common criminal. He is twice the man that you are…He is better than you! You stabbed him when he didn't give you wanted. Do you think daddy will be so proud?"
He tightened his grip on his Sam's bloody body as Michael's face twisted into something awful…definitely not angel type behavior.
He could see the fire burning in Michael's eyes. Bring it on, asshole. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. His body ached on the beating that Lucifer gave him. His eyes were burning with tears. His brother was dead and he wanted to be there right with him.
"Fuck you…Fuck your daddy's issues…Fuck leave me alone…Fuck..Fuck…," He said with a sob.
He bowed his head and wept onto Sammy's head.
His head snapped up and looked around.
No Bobby…No Cas….No Sam.
He was alone.
Then he looked down. Sam's eyes were barely open. He could barely see Sam's chest rise and fall.
He wanted to scream and cry all at once. He wanted to tell Sam that it will be alright. That he will found a way to help him. He knew better. There is no one here to help. Who cares where the stupid ass angel is…
Years of big brother knew was Sam was trying to say.
"You got him but Michael decided to stab you in the back. Back-stabbing asshole. But you got him…and…you did good. Really good Sam." He said as he choked out.
His brother was bleeding…struggling to breath…could barely talk…most of all, dying. He wasn't letting go. He couldn't let go. He was holding on for him. At one time, he thought that Sam was selfish one.
He was wrong.
He was so wrong.
He wanted to say so much. He wanted to tell that he loved him. He wanted to tell that he won't make any stupid deals. There were enough of those going around. That heaven was probably okay now since old Zacky was gone. He wanted to tell him that he will keep his promise. He wanted to tell him that the Impala was theirs. No one will ride it again expect them. He wanted to tell him so damn much.
"You can let go, man."
He could hear Sam's ragging breath against his ear. He could see the pain in his eyes. Damn stubborn idiot.
"No deals. I promise no more fucking deals."
"Cas and Bobby are probably manning heaven for you right now. I don't want to think what Ash is up too…"
"And…it is okay now."
He wasn't hiding that he was crying anymore.
"You know…when you were four and we were in Iowa, our motel was next to this huge park. You wanted to go on swing set so badly and you wanted me to push you so badly. You gave me those puppy dogs eyes. I knew it in that moment, I lost. You should have marketed those, Sammy. You would have been rich. So, I started pushing and you wanted high and high. You said that you want touch the sky. There was that big grin of yours and one of your hands reaching for the sky. I could have sworn that you were touching it…and…"
Just like Cold Oak…he felt his brother take his last breath. Just like Cold Oak…he held his brother.
This time was different. He would hold his brother for the last time.
He held on for a very long time.