once upon a time there was a totally 8adass princess who ruled over aaaaaaaall the spider people and she was totally amazing and gorgeous. like really gorgeous and everyone wanted her 8ut she was too 8adass for any of her misera8le peon su8jects and so turned them all down. all of them. even her dorky 8ut lova8le and kind of easy-to-manipul8e moirail prince john from the kingdom of wind and shade, a cool kingdom in its own dorky and kind of reeeeeeeeally coooooooonvoluted way. it wasnt as 8adass as princess vriskas kingdom though, not by a longshot 8ecause princess vriska had the 8est kingdom, the kingdom of maps and treasure. it was a pretty 8adass kingdom, fitting riiiiiiiight into princess vriskas entire theme of 8adassery. god damn she was just so sexy and awesome and all kinds of 8adass.
8ut princess vriska had a very, very em8arassing and sort of really secret flush-crush on her moirails lusus, a tall human-creature her moirail called "dad". it was a dum8 name for such a majestic and awesome lusus 8ut vriska didn't ru8 it in her moirails face.
ooooooook so she did, she ru88ed it in all the time 8ut in her defense it really was a 8ad name. prince john said that he didnt name his lusus 8ut princess vriska didnt 8elieve that for one second. who doesn't name their own lusus? do you think im stuuuuuuuupid John? im not. i am the 8est and therefore I know youre lying a8out not naming your lusus. > ::::(
anyway one day princess vriska was sitting in her throne room 8eing all kinds of 8adass and the 8est ruler ever when her crippled anouncer wheeled over and told her that she "uH, hAD A VISITOR". princess vriska laughed, delighted 8ecause of course she had a visitor, who wouldnt want to visit such a perfect princess? she kicked the cripples wheeled device faaaaaaaar away and listened to him scream for a couple of minutes 8efore going to see who it was.
to her surprise and delight it was king dad. he had travelled all the way from his kingdom to talk to her, which princess vriska acknowledged with a wise nod of her perfect head. he then walked in a very manly way over to where she was standing and WOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!! swept her off her feet into that dance move humans call a "dip". it was very flush-worthy and princess vriska decided to grace it with the 8est of 8lushes, just for him.
"vriska" he said in his manly and incredi8ly 8adass, though not quite as 8adass as nic cage, voice. "i have come to tell you that i am flushed for you. you are the most pitiful creature on this planet and i want to fill pails with you."
"oh dad, ooh~!!!!!!!!" princess vriska swooned, tilting her head 8ack in a seductive way. "you certainly know how to sweep a girl off her feet. i pity you too! ::::)"
then they kissed in the most flushed way eeeeeeeever and everyone was incredi8ly jealous, especially that stupid fucker the announcer guy who was so incredi8ly jealous that he wheeled himself off a cliff and died. princess vriska and king dad filled pails together and everyone was there to watch 8ecause it was the hottest thing ever. even her moirail John was happy for them.
ps i have no idea what a princess is or a king, those are things i read a8out in human 8ooks. im just soooooooo good at writing stories though that you totally couldnt tell could you????????