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I Need This

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“Please, Rory,” the Doctor pleaded. “You know I need this. You know I can’t ask for it from anyone else.” Rory looked at him, apprehensively. The Doctor looked at Rory desperately. “I’ll go back to doing what I was when you found me if you don’t.”

That just about broke Rory’s heart, and he sighed, nodding, getting his thoughts together.

“Why should I?” he started in. “What makes you special enough that I should do what you ask? I didn’t take the Hippocratic Oath, but I did take the Nightingale Pledge, I am a nurse, and I don’t know why you think you’re special enough to make me go against all that I stand for to hurt you on purpose. You’re such a coward, anyways. A coward and a liar. Pathetic, that. So why, why? Tell me you idiot.

“No. Don’t tell me. I know. Is it because you fucked my wife? Oh, that’s it, isn’t it?” The Doctor started to protest. “Oh shut it. I know you didn’t have sex with her. No, you’re too much a coward for that. What you did do was abandon her for fourteen years, then act as if you were coming on to her, then denied her advances, then disappeared from the universe. You caused her to be humiliated for fourteen years twice. Isn’t that enough? So, yes you have fucked her, just not in a way she’d find pleasurable.”

He paused then. The Doctor looked on the verge of tears, so sad and pathetic that Rory wanted to go to him. But he hadn’t used his safe-word, so Rory plunged onward. Time to dig up some stuff he’d found hidden in the Doctor’s head when he’d guided Rory through. “But, it’s not just Amy, is it? No, of course not. You fuck all your companions in the same way. You took my wife on an adventure so that she could delay marrying me. What kind of bloke does that to another bloke? Wait, sorry, I forgot, that’s just you. And that’s just this time round.

“Last time, you completely wrecked Donna’s life twice over. You snatched her from her wedding. That was to save her, fine, but you didn’t, really. You opened up part of your dark side to her, without her asking or wanting that. You set her moral compass to fixate on you. She wasn’t able to do anything during the time in which you abandoned her. And then you weren’t careful. You kept your severed hand? You were too scared of dying, so you kept a hand so that you’d be able to divert your regeneration energy, effectively violating all the rules. That was excusable, simply cowardly, but you know what isn’t? The fact that you let Donna get caught up in that energy so that you’d have to wipe all her happy memories and dreams and dump her back where you found her when you were finished with her.” Rory didn’t let his wince at the sexual imagery enter his voice. “And let’s not forget Martha. You completely ignored her the entire time she was with you when you weren’t showing off. You ripped her and her family apart. She was going to become a proper doctor before you showed. Now she’s a weapon, and that’s your fault. She was incredibly strong, the only one able to force you to sit and have a proper discussion about your feelings. You should be ashamed. And Rose. Let’s talk about Rose.”

“Please, no,” came the whimper. But he was still holding together, albeit barely.

“Oh yes. You completely lead her on. She wanted you and instead of explaining that you’re asexual, but you could love her romantically, you lead her on. You gave her hope that she could make a husband out of you, and instead of explaining, you ran like the coward you are. Then you trapped her in a separate dimension. You made her drive to Norway, and then burned up a star to say good-bye, timing it just right, of course, so that you wouldn’t have to tell her you loved her, because that would have given her the wrong impression. And then you saddled her with the mistake of you and Donna. You said that he was you when you first met her, but that was a lie. He was human, had a sex drive. He was what she thinks you are, but you lied. You lied.”

He was on a roll, and the Doctor was managing to keep in all but the stubbornest of tears. He was breathing heavy, though. Rory wouldn't have to keep this up much longer. “I think the only person you’ve hurt worse than Rose is Jack. You met the man and the first thing you did was scold him for something he really didn’t know better than to check for. You knew perfectly well that chances were he hadn’t heard of nano—genes in ambulances. They were only in use for such a short period of history. Then you flirted with him. You lead him on, too, staying just far away enough to not have to tell him about your sexuality. But you snared him in your traps nevertheless. You ripped out his emotional wiring and attached it all to you. Then you ran away like the coward you are, not even explaining to him his new situation. A situation, I might add, that is completely your fault. You cursed him with immortality because you were too stupid to realise the trap you were heading into. And now that he’s immortal you make him come at your beckoning, practically ruining any chances he had at a normal relationship. But when he finally did make it into one, you ripped him out and made him cheat on his lover with you, emotionally. And you know that he’ll be faithful to you in the future. To the end of his days, Doctor. His entire, practically immortal life.”

The Doctor was truly sobbing now. He’d let go completely, wailing his grief. Rory was glad he didn’t have to go any farther back in his timeline. Things began to get complicated when other time lords were involved.

He let his facade down and went to comfort the Doctor, hugging him. He buried his head into Rory’s chest and held on, weeping freely while the nurse held him close. They stayed like that, Rory rocking gently and hushing him quietly, telling him it was okay, for a good twenty minutes. When the Doctor finally pulled away from him, he had the faintest of smiles on. “Thank you. I needed that.”

Rory hugged him again, properly this time. “I don’t completely understand why you need it, but I know you do. You showed me that in your head. And I don’t want you hurting yourself physically anymore. You know that blowing up that cybership wasn’t a bad thing, but if you need reminding, I’m here to help.” The Doctor smiled into his shoulder. He’d taken enough out of the Gallifreyan man for now. He guided him to his bed on his side of the odd rooming quarters they now shared, so Rory could watch over him while they were looking for Amy. He tucked him in, rubbing his own eyes. Everything would be okay, he knew it would.