This is the first of three BSG ficlets. Just FYI it's angsty - sorry. I was in a ~mood when I wrote it. Still, I hope you enjoy it.
Title: The Sharp Bite of Jealousy
Word Count: 1071
Date: April 2011
Pairing: Starbuck/Apollo, Kara/Anders, Lee/Dee
Warnings: Adult Situations and Language
Spoilers: The Entire Series.
Summary: Kara feels the sharp bite of jealousy watching Lee and Dee together at Joe's.
Disclaimers/Archive: The characters are NOT mine. These are the characters from BSG as envisioned by Ronald D. Moore. I'm not making any profit, I'm only doing this for fun. We are active duty military living in base housing and therefore have NO money, so please don't sue.
I would ask that this not be archived anywhere other than here, my LJ, and my AO3 site. If you wish to archive it elsewhere, please ask. Although the characters are not mine, the story is. If you would like to make one copy for your own personal use, that is fine, please do not redistribute, copy, or in any way claim as your own.
Thanks to jamie2109 for her hard beta work. Any mistakes you find are purely mine.
The Sharp Bite of Jealousy
Kara could feel the jealousy eating away at her insides. She risked another glance over at Lee and darted her eyes away quickly when she realized he was looking right back at her. She knew they'd done this to themselves, that she'd done this to them, but it still frakking hurt to see it thrown in her face. She turned back to Sam, tried to concentrate on what he was saying, smiled weakly at him when he suggested going someplace else. Not that there was anyplace else to go. Not anymore. What with the world's ending and all, and the entire human race being on the run to save themselves from genocide.
She smoothed her hair back and flicked her eyes back over at Lee. He was smiling at something Dee must have said. Kara's fingers tightened on her glass. It made her gut clench, made her want to punch something. She'd have to see if Helo was available to spot her later because the bag in the gym was going to get a workout.
She smiled at Sam, focused on him, tried to ignore the feeling of Lee's eyes boring into her back, tried to resist the urge to turn and look right back. She'd picked Sam, chosen him over Lee, although sometimes, for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why. And other times, she knew right down to her bones why she had picked Sam.
Sam was safe. He loved her without judging her. He knew her better than Lee did and he still loved her, flaws and all. She wasn't really sure just how he'd gotten under her skin so fast and so easily but he had. They didn't have the chemistry she and Lee had but she loved Sam in her own way, even if she still craved Lee.
By the time they left Joe's that night, Kara'd had enough of watching Lee and Dee act like they were head over heels for each other, when she knew that was a frakking lie. She practically attacked Sam in the corridor, kissing him fiercely and shoving him against the wall. It was as if she was out to prove something to herself or maybe to Lee, even though he was obviously busy with his new wife. Just the word made Kara sneer and nip Sam's lip a bit harder.
She was dragging his tank over his head as they stumbled into the room. He'd long given up trying to slow her down when she got like this. Usually, he just hung on for the ride. She appreciated that. They never spoke about it, but Kara suspected he knew how she felt. Knew that on nights like these, she needed to use him to get even the idea of Lee out of her head.
When they tumbled into the bunk, the sex was hot and fast and dirty. She rode him with abandon, her eyes closed tightly, her lower lip caught between her teeth, and Lee's face blurring with Sam's behind her eyelids. She was lucky she didn't call out Lee's name like she had that time with Baltar. She wasn't sure she could face the pity she might find in Sam's eyes.
She clenched her muscles around him, milking him, driving him to climax, needing him to get there before she did. And when she felt him throb inside her, his hips stuttering erratically and his voice crying out her name, she let go, falling forward against his chest, letting his arms wrap around her for the moment and desperately trying not to wish they were Lee's.
She lay there with him until she was sure he was asleep. Only then did she dress and head down to the gym.
The bag shuddered under her assault. She pounded it, kicked it, grabbed it, all the while trying hard to swallow the burning tears she could feel hovering just behind her eyes. Kara tried to punch away the big gaping hole in her chest that she felt every single frakking time she saw him with her.
But nothing could make the sick feeling inside go away. She attacked the bag until her knuckles were raw and bleeding. She could feel how slick and painful they were inside the gloves. It wasn't until she saw the blood dripping onto the mat that she finally slid to the floor and just stopped.
She lay in a heap on the floor and felt the tears start to leak out and run down her face. Furiously, she wiped them on her sleeve, willing herself to stop but unable to. The heartache was just too much. So she let the tears come, but muffled the gut wrenching sobs threatening to erupt with her hoodie.
Kara screamed into it, her anger and pain coming out in choked off sobs until there was nothing left but silence. She stayed on the floor until the skin of her face was tight from dried tears. The soft cotton fabric of her hoodie felt soothing as she rubbed at her cheeks, trying to scrub away the evidence of her tears.
When she finally stood up, the hole in her chest and the sick feeling in her stomach were still there, but at least now she felt like she could breathe. She took off the gloves and unwrapped the tape, wincing at the raw skin on her knuckles. Kara knew she should go see the Doc but he'd ask questions she didn't want to answer. She'd just clean them and bandage them herself. Gods knew she'd done enough of it growing up.
She showered quickly, biting her lip when the water and the soap burned her raw skin. But at least the physical pain took her mind off everything else. She dug in her bag and bandaged her hands and then quickly made her way back to the bunk she shared with Sam. She slid under the sheets and into his embrace.
He kissed the back of her neck sleepily and brought her knuckles up and kissed them too. "You work out what you needed to work out?"
Her heart skipped a beat and she blew out a breath. His arms tightened around her and she relaxed into him. "Yeah. Let's get some sleep."
Sam kissed the back of her neck again and she closed her eyes, hoping sleep would come quickly and leave all the dreams behind.