Chapter 1: Sparkling partnership! Me and Rose-san?!?!
T)(e festival is t)(e epitome of )(ig)( sc)(ool life. As suc)(, it’s tradition t)(at t)(e student council set an example wit)( t)(eir contribution. It not only s)(owcases t)(e creativity and talent of eac)( student, it symbolizes t)(e putting aside of differences to come toget)(er and unite.
T)(at’s w)(y we’re saying ‘glub off’ to tradition t)(is year!
What you’re saying is, this year there are so many opposing viewpoints and alliances in the council that we’re forced to split our event several ways.
Exactly! I’ve put the council into eig)(t pairs to make eig)(t different events, sad to say. I reely was hoping we’d be on better terms by now, but I just don’t think we’re ready yet! 38(
In any case…
T)(at’s w)(ere you and your koi)(ai come in, Rose! Today I’d like t)(e two of you to go make sure everyone’s on task and )(as t)(eir event planned out.
You t)(ink you’re up to t)(e task, Miss Egbert? 38)
yes ma’am! :D
Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and despite the bizarre assumption many people you’ve met have jumped to, you are, in fact, a girl. Considering you are attending the prestigious Alternia Academy of the Virgin Mother Grub, this should come as no surprise.
AAVMG is an all-girl school that follows a strict oligarchy between under-and-upperclassmen. It’s typical for second and fourth year students to take a younger girl under their wing, as a sort of balance for each other. The older girl teachers her junior the ropes, while the younger keeps her senior down to Earth. It’s suspiciously close to the Troll concept of moiralliigence, and it’s been thought that these relationships are encouraged to teach you all about the importance of the conciliatory quadrants even in earlier years.
Or something. Trollanities Studies is like your worst subject.
T)(anks again for )(elping, Rose! T)(is w)(ole council president gig is cool and everyfin, but sometimes it can reely take…
Atoll on you?
The blond girl with the headband, that’s ROSE LALONDE, who you guess is like your weird MOIRIAL/SEMPAI MISHMASH. It doesn’t matter what the proper name is, because she’s your PAL! When you first joined the council you had thought that she was pretty kind of distant and, well, almost scary.
But then you got paired together, and in a series of wacky hijinks that would probably make an AWARD WINNING MOVIE, you became friends! Feferi says all the time you’re a great example of bringing out the best in each other, with Rose helping you stay focused, and you helping her not to take things so seriously. Even though she’s your sempai, she’s allowed you to take the title of GRAND GALPALHONCHO in your GALLIANCE.
Because that's what you are!
Galpals and nothing more.
*ahem* so, rose...
what do you think we should try for our event?
Hmm? Well, I think it’d be wise to see what everyone else is planning on so as not to overlap.
But I was personally considering a fortune telling booth.
woah, you know how to do that?
I’ve studied the occult a little. I can create a reasonable imitation.
that is so neat! do you do palm readings?
Not usually. I ‘ve read a little on chieromancy, but I prefer other methods. I’ve never put too much stock into “lifelines.”
hehehe, right. horoscopes and crystal balls are the only methods ~logical~ enough for Miss Lalonde~!
If you’re so adamant about it, I’ll read your palm in private all you like later.
haha! you better beli
Who’s our first visit?
uh--—oh r-right! uh, lemme see…
Okay, okay, try not to think about that too hard. She probably didn’t mean anything. Galpals for life, right? You have matching bracelets and everything, right?
Breathe. You’re good at that.
Just...try and focus on your job! If anything it'll be a good distraction.
Well, it'll be a distraction.
Chapter 2: First encounters! The Loveless Princess! The Scorpion and The Frog!!!!!
===> Seek the Seadwweller. HURRY.
fefs a great gal an all but she needs to remember the importance a tradition
especially as president
as her number twwo im takin it upon myself to remind her a her priorities
seain as wwere supposed to be settin a example to you lot ivve put a lot a thought into makin my decision ca tryin to come up wwith the perfect idea
finally it struck me
i wwasnt done talkin!
Oh, excuse me. Tell us, what you completely non-aquatic themed booth that will not be utilizing this prominent tank of goldfish will be.
im GETTIN to it
…yeah its goldfish
Do you think you have the proper amount of supplies for this?
yeah yeah wwe got a net a bowwl for each fish a all that
each a them havve ta be in their owwn bowwls
their owwn little wworlds
separated by wwalls a glass an deww
…Yes, that tends to happen with glass bowls of water. Now-
theres no company in there
only a faint hope
a prayer that luck wwill be kind enough ta grace them in the form of a net
“showw me wwhat it means ta lovve”
===> ABANDON SHIP JESUS CHRIST
You have eight guesses for what Fussyfangs wants to do for our 8ooth.
First seven don’t count. ::::|
is it…clothes? :0
I don’t think “clothes” quite qualifies as a booth, but if I were to hazard a guess-
-Kanaya, please, is this really…
Forgive Me Rose
But The Tragedy Of An Improperly Hemmed Skirt Is Something I Simply Cannot Abide
But Yes We Will Be Selling Wares Weve Created
Jewelry Scarves And The Like
hey, Vri, check it out! i found my wise guy green slime suit!
i haven’t seen this since this NonDescriptWinterBasedHoliday play! remember, i played the loose cannon maverick with a heart of gold?
That’s adora8le, John.
8ut even you are not quite as adora8le
nor as PATHETIC
as cert8in pe8ple who are way too o8vious about their crushes.
!!!!!!!! V-Vriska, I can ex-
God could Kanaya be anymore pitying? Or pitiFUL?
Spoiler: The answer is no. >::::(
Thank goodness. She was talking about HER being in love with Rose, not yowait.
…waitwait NO THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WANT.
Okay this might be a bit mean but as Rose’s
koi)(ai kouihai FRIEND, you should be there to defend against any unwanted romantic advances. And these advances are OBVIOUSLY unwanted JUST LOOK AT THE TWO OF THEM.
You didn’t want to resort to this. But Kanaya leaves you no choice.
Looks like you’re….
the STARE MASTER.
...Wait, no, too expected.
in the War of the ROSES you no.
GrimAuxilatrix? MORE LIKE SLIMAuxliaCHANCE good God no.
someone should have warned her about STAREfuck she’s not even looking anymore.
Remind me to stop by their booth during the festival.
I confess I have a weakness for scarves.
i’m not really into fashion or anything, soooo i guess i’m a good judge of stuff like that…
You’re still wearing that? I’m afraid to break it to you that that suit has dangerously high levels of “swag.”
it is a dark day when must one justify the wearing of an awesome suit
it’s a crime in like seven countries to not wear a snazzy suit when one has the chance!
i shall wear suits even as the years grow old!
Shall you wear the bottoms of your trousers rolled?
It's T.S Elliot. You’ll read him in second year. He’s fantastic, it’s like Dave got drunk and tried to write poetry.
oh man. 20th century ill beats.
20th century ill beats meets post-apocalyptic European commentary.
Sprinkled with liberal amounts of self-loathing.
Speaking of which…
It’s time we paid my dear sister a visit.
Art by Lightrises, and, unfortunately, me in this chapter. If you're a fan of Emlan on dA, you may recognize Vriska's and Kanaya's outfits from this piece! I got her permission to use the outfits--they just seemed so perfect! Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 3: Conflict!!!!!! The Dragon and Knight! Is this love!?!?!?
==> Head to the cafeteria.
Your journey to the cafeteria is hindered by a okay what the hell is this thing
do you think it’s their booth?
I guess so…
Perhaps they’re putting together a haunted house. It seems like their forte.
I can imagine it perfectly. Scalemates strung from the ceiling, blowing innocuously in the breeze.
Glass jars catching the dim light, their cold embalmed innards practically glowing.
Dave taping a few shoddy katanas to Terezi to terrorize the underclassmen.
heh! nah, they do that like every tuesday.
WHOS OUT TH3R3?
H3H3, WH4TS TH1S? 1NTRUD3RS?
easy pyrope they’re cool
what brings ye yonder
we’re here to see what you’re doing for the festival. it looks really neat so far guys!
OH TH1S 1SNT FOR TH4T! TH1S 1S TH3 DR4GONS L41R!
…dragon’s lair? And what, pray tell, is it for?
FOR TH3 DR4GONS! >:]
yeah anyways were still working on the whole festival thing
figure maybe wed do food or something
Food? Can either of you two even cook?
‘rezis idea of ‘browning vegetables’ is mixing green and red chalk together
1N D3F3NS3 YOU W3R3NT B31NG V3RY SP3C1FIC
Is there anything you could do that would utilize both your talents?
Perhaps something less offensive.
guys, why don’t you just make a haunted house! rose was just saying how you both would probably have some cool stuff to make one!
D4V3 TH4T 4CTU4LLY SOUNDS N34T >:O
oh hell no
you did all this badgering to get me to make this little hideyhole for your little plush freaks
and now you want to make a haunted house
and itll be just like every other goddamn festival
what are you going to suggest next a café
is this all some elaborate scheme to get me in a maid costume
YUP! YOU F1GUR3D 1T OUT
BUT S3R1OUSLY D4V3 STOP B31NG SUCH A B4BY
yeah dave! you know there’s nothing more ironic than a unironic cliché!
that actually almost sort of made sense
Is that a yes?
Alright. Perhaps I could take a look at your…dwelling, see what you have so far and maybe give you advice.
pyrope give her the tour
And there she goes. Well, at least this is a perfect time to catch up with your galpal-in-chief. It’ll be a good break from all these emotions and stuff.
so about your raging ladyboner for my sister
d-dave! what are you talking about, i don’t have—I can’t have a boner, especially not for rose!
lets say theres some alternate dimension out there where were boys for whatever reason
i see you there
the worst boy in existence
but more to the point, youd have so many boners for her
more than one at once
some sort of tumorus growth of boners popping like daisies out of every pore
doctor whats the diagnosis
shut up shut up shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!
and you’re one to talk! what about YOUR freaky-boner -tumor for terezi?
yeah! got you now miss smartyshades!
look egbert sorry to disappoint
but have you seen that girls teeth
if I had a dick itd run screaming from those
but you don’t have one! that’s the thing!
you LIKE her, as a girl, liking another girl!
you mean like you and lalonde
gaaaaaaaah screw you!!!!!!!!
==>MINUS TWENTY FRIEND POINTS. FOR SHAME, DAVE.
Well done, John. I appreciate your assistance.
eh? oh, heh, gosh thanks. it was really mostly you anyways…
You’re more of a help than you know.
Now, let’s see.
Aradia and Sollux, check. Gamzee and Tavros… Equius and Nepeta…
How were Jade and Karkat doing?
them? oh, they were
But you know, sometimes the best relationships can be like that.
Suddenly a bit of bravery sparks in your heart. Maybe it’s the low light of the sunset, or that look in her eye…
==> Talk. Use your words. People do that.
well, first of all, you know kanaya?
...I would think so.
b-but i mean
what do you think of her?
Intelligent. Witty, compassionate...
If lamps were dangerous ladies, she’d be a moth.
She’s flushed for Vriska.
…flushed? like in cards?
If the suit was hearts…
She means quadrants, you dingus!
w-well, i was just wondering cause
…rose, are you…
do you feel like that for anyone?
r-rose?! what are you…
If I recall, I do believe I said I’d read your palm.
Ohmygoshohmygosh she’s holding your hand YOU’RE LIKE HALF MARRIED NOW
Okay okay just breathe, breathe. You can not screw this up, what ever you do do NOT screw this up-
==> Commit social suicide.
rose rose ohmygod! i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to do that!!!
It’s…it’s alright John, I think I just got a papercut on the eyebrow, nothing bad.
no no this is terrible, i just ohgod i'm sorry this is the worst confession ever!
forgive me, rose. forget i said anything.
==> Abscond in a tragic, yet dignified manner.
…wait where are these petals coming from?
gAMZEE NO! wE NEED THOSE FOR THE hAPPY hANDS fUNTRAVANGANZA!
Art by Jade, with contributions from Light and I. One more part to go!
…and that’s how i ruined everything. :(
i know, you just told me. :|
and you know what the worst part is? i actually thought for a moment that she might feel the same or something.
it just…really sucks. :[
well just cause she doesn’t like you that way doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, ya know.
why don’t you talk to her?
oh gosh, i can’t show my face to her after that! if i ever see her again i’m just going to point to something interesting and run like the most pathetic cheetah.
John? May I talk to you a moment?
==> Point to something interesting and run like the most pathetic cheetah.
OF COURSE you can, rose! :)
rose i’m sorry! i shouldn’t have said that and i know it it was the wrong time the right time was never and i had hit you and i’m sorry about that again but i wasn’t thinking and
John, John, slow down.
I’m not mad.
No, of course not. It was an accident, I understand.
but…no not that, what about what i-
I just wanted to know.
Did you use those for poker?
What does that have to do with anything?
oh. well, no, it was originally for doing card tricks and stuff…
…although dave might have taught me a little poker back when we were doing the play…
…i might have used a few spares…
I’m sorry, I –might- see.
hehe, i’m sorry, i know that it was wrong but it was just so funny
dave could never figure out why i was so good and the look on her face when i won was
As for what you wanted to tell me… we can talk about it after the festival, John.
All this is
is a warning
about spares. :)
See you three at the meeting.
WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT EVEN MEAN?
it means shut up karkat you’re still a bench until lunch break ends!!!! >:(
TO BE CONTINUED?...
Art by Ki and Jade!
And that's it! Thanks again to everyone who voted, to my collaborators and everybody at the JohnRose com! Hope you enjoyed it!