Buffy and Spike walked through one of Sunnydale’s lovely cemeteries, patrolling. At the sound of a low growl behind them, Spike turned and staked the fledgling easily. “Hey,” said Buffy, “I wanted to get the next one.”
“Oh,” Spike replied, “And I suppose I should have let him bite you first? You really are the most ungrateful...”
“And who invited you on patrol? You are so infuriating...” She glared into his eyes. “Kiss me!”
They melted into a fiery kiss. Spike pulled back first. “Did you hear that, Slayer?”
“What?” Buffy answered, leaning in to continue the passion.
“A kitten. I heard a kitten meow.” Bending down, he reached behind a tombstone and picked up the origin of the sound.
“Great. Poor little thing.” Buffy crossed her arms. “I suppose if that’s Siamese you can turn it over to Teeth.”
“No good. It’s not a kitten, it’s a cat, and a mangy one to boot.” He put the cat on the ground and watched it run away. “That and a box of weasels will get you a cup of coffee.”
“Weasels?” she asked.
“Slayer, don’t you have any concept of history? Before cats were domesticated in some countries demons used weasels as currency.” He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. “Course, they’re totally devalued now.”
“You are just a wealth of information, aren’t you?” She pulled the cigarette from his mouth and crushed it under her foot. “That is definitely in the way,” she said, pulling him back into the kiss.
A shriek pierced the night. “Some girl is in trouble,” Buffy exclaimed. “Let’s go.”
“Stupid bint, wandering around the cemetery after dark. Deserves what she gets,” he replied, secretly glad of the chance for a fight, but disappointed in the timing.
They ran into the clearing, stakes at the ready. “Xander,” Buffy said, “Was that you? Are you okay?”
Xander Harris tried to compose himself. “I’m fine. Stupid cat just jumped at me out of nowhere.”
Buffy stared at her friend. “And you’re here, why?”
“Anya wanted me to find you and bring you over to the apartment for dessert,” he said to Buffy, ignoring Spike. “She’s trying out a new recipe. Something with cherries.”
“I like cherries,” said Spike.
“Did I invite you?” Xander asked.
“I’ll come if Spike comes,” Buffy said. “It would be rude to ask me and leave him out.”
“Okay,” Xander replied. “Not too concerned about the finer points of vampire etiquette, but if you want he can come.”
“Oh, goody,” said the vampire sarcastically.
Spike bit into his upside-down cherry crumble. “This is pretty good, Anya.”
“Thank you,” Xander’s fiancée replied. “I saw it in a magazine, and I wanted to try it out. Beady Eyes has been encouraging me to learn to cook, so that he won’t starve after we’re married.”
“You’re a great cook,” said Xander, “And don’t call me Beady Eyes.”
Buffy took a forkful of the dessert and swallowed. Her face went pale and she ran for the Harris’ bathroom. Unpleasant sounds could be heard from within.
Spike stood by the door. “You okay in there, pet?”
Buffy was not in a position to reply.
“Hmm,” said Anya. “If Buffy were having sex, I would guess that she was pregnant.”
“Pregnant,” gasped Spike.
“Oh yes,” Anya continued. “Spontaneous vomiting is often the first sign of pregnancy. I’ve been reading about it.”
They heard the sound of running water in the bathroom, and Buffy exited wiping her mouth with a kleenex. “I’m so sorry, guys. I don’t know what came over me. Your dessert was delicious, really Anya. That was so embarrassing.”
“Buffy,” said Spike, “Can I speak to you in the other room?”
“That would be the bathroom,” said Xander.
Spike pulled Buffy into the lavatory, and watched her spray air freshener around the room. The smell of the deodorizer hit her, and she started to gag, but was able to keep control.
“Buffy,” Spike said, “Anya thinks you could be…I mean, you aren’t, we didn’t, I couldn’t…”
“You think I’m pregnant?” Buffy laughed. “Don’t be silly. You’re a vampire.”
“Angel’s a vampire,” he replied.
She sat on the commode lid. “I think I’d know. Wouldn’t I know?”
“If it’s true, love…” Spike took her hands in his, “Your hands feel warm. Warmer than usual, I mean.” He felt her forehead. “You have a fever. I’m getting you home.”
Buffy exhaled with relief. “Then I’m not…”
They heard Xander scream from the other room. “Wow, twice in one night,” said Buffy.
They rushed into the room, to see Xander passed out on the couch.
“Gee,” Anya said. “I thought he’d be happy. We are getting married.”
“Oh,” said Spike. “Congratulations.”