One day, in between shoots, Misha was chilling in his trailer, his script on his lap and his mind miles away when a noise caught his attention, but not enough for him to bother opening his tired eyes. He left the door opened ‘cause it was still hot and he wanted air to circulate, surely it was just something that has fallen with the wind. But a second after he felt the shadow of someone through his eyelids, maybe a PA searching for him, he opened his eyes to see Jensen.
Well that was unexpected as the man did all he could to avoid him. Why, you would ask? It all started with a kiss. Well, not a real kiss. It was this famous kiss he gave Jensen at JIBCON from the movie script, because he wanted to give something Destielly/Cockleslly to the fans after all the frustration. He could understand very well how difficult it can be pining for what you desire...
He really hoped they would make Destiel happen soon or someday they'll all explode. Okay so it was not just for the fans, he also wanted it. So? He wanted those plush lips on his, he wanted to be close to Jensen.
He got to kiss him even if it was fast and so very frustrating. After all that was Jensen who started this whole thing. The script. And yes Jensen has accepted it and he thought that would be it.
He was wrong.
He didn't know if he wanted to change the past or not. Because it started something. He pressed a button, or rather Jensen pressed it.
After that panel everything seemed usual enough. They’d gone out with the others at night to have fun. In Rome. And yes like usual when in Rome where the Texan was so relaxed, less self-conscious, Misha hung to Jensen's side.
Or that's what he first thought. Because Jensen was also clinging to him. He walked very close, he didn't notice at first ‘cause he was doing the same thing. But when Jensen started to act more possessive than usual he got the hint.
Earlier when it was time for autographs, Jensen moved his whole session to be with him and he felt that he was keeping an eye on him the whole time and at a point he just stood and hugged him from behind. Misha was stunned and tried to not look like he was, but then Jensen leaned his chin on his head, he couldn’t stop himself to lean in with a soft sigh, and he even thought he heard some sniffing like the actor was trying to smell his hair.
And now it was still the same, Jensen used any pretext to touch him and even more when they had interaction with fans.
There was also this selfie picture where he was leaning on Jensen’s shoulder, he wasn’t going to be in the pic but Jensen discreetly grabbed him by the hand and he had no choice but stay there against him, the Texan was holding his hand the whole time. He felt Richard's eyes on him this night, he was the one that noticed things but never said anything because he knew it wasn’t his place but looked as if he would listen if needed and he appreciated it.
Something was different. When they all parted Jensen stayed with him. He walked him to his door and Misha looked at Jensen to say goodnight.
But before he could open his mouth, two hungry lips were on him kissing him sloppily, and Jensen's arms were around him. Stunned, he kissed back. He should have known that it was going to happen but he didn't let himself hope for it. He played dumb.
But all that was over because Jensen was kissing him. He groaned and kissed back with all he had. Passion, frustration, sweetness, hunger, feelings... so many feelings and one that he didn't dare to name ‘cause it was dangerous.
Jensen was kissing him like he never thought he would. Not like that. He hoped for a screen kiss, he still wanted it for different reasons. But this. It was for him.
It was him, it was Jensen also.
Now the man was more tender with him, the kiss slowed down, his hands has come up and he was cradling his face gently. Misha sighed happily into the kiss. When their lips parted he looked at Jensen, wondering what the green orbs contained. And he was stunned.
Jensen looked as scared as if he was about to fall off a ledge.
But Jensen didn't answer, he was still looking at him in shock. He put a hand on the man’s shoulder to make him relax, and Jensen watched it absently.
“Listen Jen, we are in the middle of the corridor, everyone could see us. You should come in,” he said gently, opening his door for them.
For an instant Jensen looked as he was going to follow him inside but then he stepped back.
“I shouldn't…” the actor muttered, “I… I have to go.”
And that's how Misha found himself alone on the threshold of his room in the hotel's corridor. Confused, frustrated.
He even doubted that anything happened but he still had the taste of Jensen on his tongue and swollen lips. It happened. Jensen kissed him willingly, he thought as he let himself fall on the comfy bed some time after.
And it was not for the fans. It was Jensen kissing Misha ‘cause he wanted it. It looked like he wanted this all night actually.
And after getting it, all too soon, he backed off and flew out the door. Leaving Misha so very frustrated and horny...
He brought himself off to images of Jensen kissing him, his hands on him, his mouth deep throating him. He wondered if Jensen could do that. Maybe with practice...
Jensen would look perfect on his knees his plump lips wrapped tightly stretched around his member. He would pet his hair softly, tell him how beautiful he was. He would not finish in his mouth -however arousing that would be- not today, this fantasy would have to wait, he wanted to satisfy Jensen as well.
He would get him on all fours and rim him. Slowly, to savour every second of it, to show him how good it could feel. Then he would stretch his hole, take his time with it. He wanted it to be good for his first time, he knew it could hurt and he didn't want that.
Jensen's body was not made for pain. It was made for pleasure. Pleasure to receive, pleasure to give.
He would carefully stretch him with his fingers and then finger fuck him. A long intense teasing. Only brushing his prostate lightly, never touching it like the man would want him to.
Jensen would moan and whimper, he would beg, asking him to join him. And after a while he would agree and slowly enter him for the first time. He would take his sweet time again, wanting to stay inside the longest he could.
While he was imagining the feeling of Jensen’s body around him, his moans of pleasure, his hand on his shaft quickened the pace, he needed to come now, Jensen was close too.
He came hard on his stomach, the image of Jensen now gone… No cuddle, no warmth... Depressed, he went to sleep after cleaning himself.
After this con Jensen started to avoid him and he couldn't do anything about it. They didn’t see each other until the filming started. Jensen was acting like he was a stranger, like in the beginning, only talking about the job and when camera stopped everything was over.
A warm hand took his, bringing him back to the present. Jensen was now kneeling before him, his two hands holding one of his.
Misha didn’t answer. He was deep in thought, studying the man at his feet.
“I'm a dick and… I’m sorry that I’m a dick...”
Misha almost smiled at this but he was too stunned to truly react.
“I was afraid…” Jensen almost whispered, his eyes glued to the floor.
He looked so miserable that Misha brought a hand to his face to comfort him, he caressed his cheek and gently tilted his head toward him. Two green orbs looked at him, anxiety visible.
“You were afraid,” Misha repeated.
“Yes and to be honest I still am...”
Misha nodded seriously, he already knew this. Jensen was still helpless about it and he was sad, but he couldn't do a thing about it. It couldn't come from him. The way he was raised had done so much damage… it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t Jensen’s fault that he was raised that way and he still suffered from it. He wanted to help him so much, he couldn't stand to see him so miserable but he couldn't save him. It wouldn't help him, it would confuse him even more.
So he never did anything. Never planned to. Even if he wanted it like air. It was not his move.
He was surprised now, he never expected Jensen to come see him like that, so fragile and open and honest. He would have expected things to get better in the end. Of course they had a link (more than that), but go back to how they were, pretending nothing happened?
Jensen was there where he didn't expected him. Surprising him.
“I'm still afraid and I…”
“I..uh.. there's something… he motioned between them, ”This... This thing, it’s not going away, not ever. And I wanted to know if it was the same for you.”
Misha pressed their forehead together.
“It'll never go away and I'll never let it go anyway, it is too precious to throw away.”
He felt Jensen's eyes on him.
“You are too precious,” he whispered, eye closed, taking pleasure and comfort in the closeness, the warmth they shared.
“But…” Jensen started.
“But you're still afraid,” finished Misha for him with a resigned voice.
Misha was already feeling the golden sand slipping through his fingers, he didn't even flex his hand to keep it from escaping him, it was as it was already gone. The warmth from Jensen, the contact from their foreheads was just the ghost limb that you still feel or the stars you still see shining although they’re already dead. It was expected, it was sad.
“But,” came Jensen's voice again, and it sounded closer this time because he felt the breath of it against his mouth.
“I wanted to give you something”, the gravelly voice said with a tremor.
And then he felt something cool on his finger. He opened his eyes to see Jensen shyly putting a ring on his ring finger. His eyes widened, that was not expected!
What was going on today? Everything seemed contradictory.
“I needed to be sure that you still... Cause I've been a dick and I'm still is and I'm sorry but I... I'm done denying.”
He takes a deep breath before continuing.
“I know you already have the other ring from me but it's not the same, it doesn't hold the same meaning. I wanted you to have something I got especially for you. And people know about the other, I want this to be just ours only for now... you don’t even have to say it's from me, I want to be with you in some way... I just want to be represented somehow.”
“Feeling territorial?” Half joked Misha.
And he expected a rebuff but Jensen nodded.
“I'm the worst person ever, I'm not even capable of... and I still…I'm not... It's not that I'm ashamed. And it's you... and I... Fuck..”
“It's okay, ‘s okay, breathe.”
Jensen did as he was told, his green eyes were wet with unshed tears as he took some deep inspirations to calm himself down.
“What do you want to say?” Misha asked, his hand in the Texan’s hair, soothing him gently.
“I'm saying that I may not be ready now. And this ring... it's a promise.. If you want it because I know it's so assuming and presumptuous of me but I…”
“Jen... Just tell me. What promise?”
“A promise that I will be... ready. I mean, I'm not there yet but I'm on my way... The path may be short or long I don't know… But I promise you that I'll find you. The sooner I can, I just need to do things in time. But I'll find you at the end of it... If you're still there.”
“I'll be there,” Misha whispered in his ear softly.
“And I'll finally be home,” Jensen finished.
A tear rolled down Misha's cheek but he didn't bother drying it, he didn't dare to break the moment a second too soon. They were both breathing heavily, now sharing warm breaths. When Jensen pulled back slowly, Misha still had his eyes closed, he didn't want to see him go.
“Go cowboy, you have a long journey before you... see you then,” he whispered.
And when Misha dared to open his eyes Jensen had already vanished. No proof that it ever happened like last time, he really hoped he hadn't dreamed the whole thing.
But then he looked at the silver ring and knew it was true, it was real. His love was true, he just needed some time.
He was on his way...