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Ashamed, Just Not Of Her

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"Blaine, this is pointless." Kurt says to me, as we sit in his room after our Animal performance. It seems like he was oddly in pain, having this conversation and I don't know why. Wasn't he a teenage boy? Didn't he like the idea of one day being able to have sex?

"Why is it pointless, Kurt?" I ask him, vaguely wondering if his desire to avoid the sex topic had anything to do with the fact that it was with me. I know for a fact he has feelings for me, and if I'm being perfectly honest with myself, I have some for him as well. But I've never had a boyfriend before, and neither has he. Getting into a relationship with him would be hard on both of us and I'm not sure either of us are quite ready to take that step.

"I can't act sexy Blaine. The last time sex and me came up in the same sentence…. Well let's just say that it didn't turn out so well." He falters, and I don't know why. Sex isn't something to be ashamed of, in fact I can't wait to have it, whether its with him or not, is up for debate.

"What do you mean?"

"It's nothing, I just…. I don't like the idea of sex. It gets people into a lot of trouble, and the last thing I need is to be having sex, or even thinking about it right now."

"But sex is great!" I exclaim, and then quickly point out that I've never actually had it. "I mean, I would assume so. It's not sex for nothing, right?" His reticence about this subject is odd and I wish he would just let me in, and tell me what his problems are.

"I really don't want to talk about this Blaine." Kurt says, getting up from his spot on his bed and walking around the room. He picks up something from the floor, it looks like a baby blanket; probably the one he had as a baby. But after a moment, I see a tear falling down his face.


"Just go, Blaine. Just go." I sit bewildered for a moment, unsure of what I did, but he just points to the door, and then walks into his bathroom. 'What did I do?' I ask myself, but there's no response because the only person who knows, just locked himself in his bathroom, probably waiting for me to leave. I resign myself to get up and go home, until I hear him softly crying.

Curious, I walk over towards the bathroom and hear him talking to himself. "I can't believe this is happening." He says to no one, but then continues to cry.

"Kurt?" I ask, to which I hear a sniffle, and a shout from the other side of the door.

"Leave me alone Blaine, go home." He says, and I stand there helplessly, unsure of what to do to help my friend who was obviously in pain. So I do what he asks me to do, I leave his room and his house, resolved that I would not leave his life, especially if a conversation like sex would bring him to tears. I know something has to be done, and Kurt needs to learn about this sort of thing, and if he won't talk about it with me, then who can he talk to about it?

Walking into Hummel Tires and Lube is probably the most daunting thing I've ever done. Knowing I was about to go talk to Burt about his son needing a sex talk is likely to get him to hate me, but I have to try. I can't stand the fact that Kurt is just avoiding it like the plague. He's going to get in trouble one day, and I really don't want it to be anything serious.

I see Burt over the side of a car and see that he's working on the engine. Something my father and I did many times, even though we had no idea what we were doing. That was a lesson in futility if there ever was one. "Need a hand?" I ask, and immediately he looks up and sees me standing there, he looks at me awkwardly.

"Yea, why don't you hand me that carburetor?" I glance over at the try full of parts and pick it up clearly without hesitation. "How'd you know which one it was?" He asked me, shocked that I'd know anything about cars. Most people are.

"My dad and I rebuilt a '59 Chevy in our driveway two summers ago." I chuckle. "One of his many attempts at bonding."

"Are you here, looking for parts?" He asks, and I shake my head.

"No, actually. I uhh, wanted to talk to you about Kurt." He looks up from the car, and looks directly into my eyes.

"Is he okay?" I nod my head, quickly to assure him.

"Physically, yes. But… I need to ask you something, and I need you to… have an open mind."

"What is it Blaine?"

"Well, Kurt and I were talking yesterday, and I'm not quite sure how we got onto the subject…" I lied. I knew exactly how we got onto the subject, but I didn't want him to know that, quite yet. "…of sex." He raised his eyebrows at me. "Have you ever…. I don't know… talked to him about sex?" I bite the inside of my cheeks, to stop the goofy smile that occurs every time I'm in an awkward situation.

"I don't think that's any of your business, Blaine." I take a breath, knowing this was coming.

"You're right, its not, and maybe I'm overstepping but… I'm concerned for him." I say genuinely, trying to make him see.

"You don't need to be. My son and I have had this discussion, and his ability to be comfortable with the subject comes from something else entirely."

"But what is that, exactly?" I ask, curious to get a little bit of insight into Kurt's mind, but Burt just shakes his head.

"It's none of your business. If Kurt wanted you to know, he'd tell you himself. Until then, leave him be. Don't pressure him into talking about this, because he definitely doesn't need to."

I boldly go, where no 'just a friend' has ever gone before. "I think you're wrong." Because no one in their right mind would ever tell the parent of a friend that they were wrong, especially concerning said child, but I can't help it.

"Blaine, you're a good kid, for the most part. Except of course a couple of weeks ago…" He gives me a pointed look, and I shrink back a little, knowing that finding me in his son's bed on Saturday morning last week couldn't have been easy to handle.

"Trust me, that amount of drinking will never be done again. After that hangover, I'm perfectly willing to wait until I turn 21, and even then I've learned my limits." He nodded at my explanation, but continues to give me a hard stare.

"I love that Kurt has found someone he can talk to, and who cares about him, but right now, Blaine. You need to back off. I know what is going on with my son, and if you don't, then there is a good reason he hasn't told you." I sigh, knowing that the battle was over, and he had just won.

"I'm sorry, maybe I over stepped my bounds, but I just don't want Kurt to get into trouble."

"You are…" He glares at me, and I know its time for me to leave.

As I'm walking away I hear him mutter something under his breath. "He's already in trouble." I hear this, and know that something strange is going on. I want to know what it is, and I will do anything I can to find out.

It was February 23rd, four days after the confrontation with Burt, and five days after that disastrous conversation with Kurt. We were sitting in the middle of class, when Kurt's phone started ringing, out loud. It was surprising, but it wasn't the first time someone's phone went off in the middle of class. Kurt took the phone out of his pocket, checked the caller ID, and looked up at the teacher, who in a move surprising everyone in the classroom, motioned for him to take it out in the hall.

This was the strictest teacher in all of Dalton. Allowing a student to talk on the phone during school, was forbidden unless it was for a family emergency, and even then you usually got in trouble for it before you were allowed to talk. Maybe something happened with Burt or Carole, or Finn, and he warned his teacher ahead of time. But how could he have? We walked to class together, and sat right down. He wouldn't have had time to talk to Mr. Gunther without me knowing about it.

A few minutes later, Kurt walks in and walks straight up to Mr. Gunther and whispers in his ear, and our teacher nods. Kurt walks back over to his seat, but instead of sitting down, quickly packs up his stuff. A minute later he was gone from the class. 'What was that about?' I asked myself, and quickly ask Mr. Gunther if I may go to the bathroom, because whatever is causing Kurt to leave school, has to be big.

I walk quickly towards the door closest to the Parking Lot when I see Kurt coming out of the front office, probably to check himself out. "Kurt!" I yell out, and he turns around, twitching like he's nervous about something.

"What is it, Blaine? I have to go."

"Why, what's wrong?" But he just shakes his head, and refuses to tell me anything.

"I can't talk about it right now, Blaine. Just…. I have to go." He says, and stalks out the door, down to his car. I watch him for a few minutes, wondering what the hell is going on, but I can't seem to figure anything out. Was Finn hurt? Did Burt have another heart attack? Did Carole get into an accident? Did a family relative die? What could possibly cause Kurt to leave school in the middle of the day?

I'm sitting at home, trying to do my homework when my cell phone rings. I jump, not expecting it to make noise tonight, but when I see the caller ID, I pick it up immediately. "Kurt?" I ask, trying not to let my voice sound as apprehensive as it is.

"Blaine…" Kurt's crying. I can't tell why, but he's definitely crying, or at the very least getting choked up about something.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" He chokes back a sob, and tries to tell me what's going on.

"I'm at Lima Memorial Hospital…"

"Oh my god, is everyone all right?" I ask, instantly assuming the worst.

"Everyone's fine… Just… can you come down here? I need to explain something to you, and I really don't want to do it over the phone." He sniffles, and I am instantly closing my text books, slipping my shoes on, and grabbing my keys.

"I'll be right there Kurt." Luckily Lima Memorial wasn't too far from my house, so I could be there in less than 10 minutes.

Fifteen minutes later, I am meeting Kurt outside the front entrance to the building and wondering what is going on. "Kurt? What's going on?" He sighs.

"Remember a few days ago, when we had that… talk in my room?" He asks, and I nod, as we begin walking through the hospital. "Well, there's something I didn't tell you, and I think I need to." I nod for him to go along. "Okay so remember last week, when you had your sexuality crisis with Rachel?" I nod, remembering quite clearly the disgusting taste of Rachel's lip-gloss during the sober, Lima Bean kiss.

"Of course I do, what does that have anything to do with this?" We turn a corner, and I notice we're heading towards the Maternity ward. It's probably for the best. Babies are the best part of any hospital, and if we're going to have a serious conversation, then the distraction of cute babies will probably be for good.

"Well, last year, I went through somewhat of a similar thing." He quickly explains what I'm currently thinking, is that if he experimented with a girl last year, why did he get on me for it? "I never questioned my sexuality for all intents and purposes. I just found myself really wanting the relationship that my father was developing with Finn. So I toned down the crazy outfits, and started dressing a bit more…manly, I should say?" I snort, because dressing manly, and Kurt should not be used in the same sentence.

"Like what?" He smiles.

"Plaid, a fishing vest…. I sang Mellencamp, It was awkward."

"I bet."

"But here's the thing… I began to date Brittany, it was just for a week. I wanted something to bond with my dad over, and she wanted to get her perfect record of making out with all the boys in the school." I shrug.

"It happens. But why would you want to hide that?" I ask, not knowing where this was going. He turns to face the babies in the Maternity ward, and stares down at one baby in particular.

"Because I fucked up the night Brittany and I made out." He confesses. "I had sex with her." My eyes widen, and my jaw drops in shock.

"But… why?" Clearly confusion is the subject of the hour.

"I was sad, I was depressed. She was there, and for a brief moment, she made me feel good. But then everything changed." He swallows. "That was nine months ago." He whispers and I can hear my heart beating in my chest.

"Do you mean?" He nods and points to the baby that I saw him staring at earlier.

"Her name is Taylor. She's…my daughter." I look down at the sleeping baby, so peaceful yet caused such an uproar.

"So when you left class today?" Kurt nods.

"I told all my teachers a week and a half ago, that there was a family medical problem occurring and asked if any of them minded if I kept my phone on until it passed. They didn't know that it was Brittany giving birth, but they knew it was something."

"She was born today?" He nods.

"Seven pounds, four ounces,18 ½ inches long, born at precisely 4:58 tonight."

"Oh Kurt…" I am at a loss for words. What do you say to your best friend who just told you that he was a father? "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm ashamed. I'm the only gay boy in Lima, yet I knocked up the only bicurious girl in Lima. It's like an episode of a soap opera." I have to give him that, it definitely is.

"You shouldn't be ashamed, Kurt. You've got a beautiful daughter out of all this, how can you be ashamed of her?" He viciously shakes his head.

"I'm not ashamed of her. She's beautiful, gorgeous and I love her, I truly do. I'm just ashamed of how it happened. Explaining that one to Brittany's parents, and dad was harder than you'll ever know. You always hear those stereotypical stories about how fathers will curse their daughter's girlfriends, and threaten them with harm, when they take her out on a date. Imagine what it was like to have to tell them, I knocked her up."

I pull him into a hug. "You didn't have to go through this alone, I would have been there for you."

"I know you would have, but I needed time to process it. I mean, I only realized that she was pregnant 3 months ago."

"What do you mean? How could you only find out she's pregnant at 6 months?" He looks at me, and stares blankly.

"Three months ago, I was at Dalton. Four months ago, I was a little preoccupied with all of the bullying at McKinley to really notice Brittany. Five months ago, she wasn't showing all too much. And prior to that was the summer, and I didn't see her all summer." Kurt explains away, as if it made the most sense in the world.

"But why didn't she tell you before?"

"Have you met Brittany? Prior to this, she thought storks brought babies. She didn't realize she was pregnant until she, Santana and Quinn were having a sleepover, and Brittany mentioned not having a period for the past 4 months. After that, it took them about three weeks to get her convinced that she was pregnant, and to tell the father. Quinn especially, because she herself gave birth last year, to Puck's daughter."

"What's with the New Directions and pregnancies?" Kurt shrugs.

"I don't know, but ever since the two head cheerleaders got pregnant, Sue Sylvester is instituting a mandatory sex education lesson, once a month until, in her words 'Everyone learns to keep it in their pants.'" I turn to look at Taylor again, and notice the name on the bassinet: Taylor Elizabeth Hummel.

"Taylor Elizabeth?" I ask, raising my eyebrows, and Kurt blushes.

"Brittany refused to let me name her after any of my idols. Luckily for me, she hasn't made the connection." He smiles, looking down at his daughter once again, with all the love in the world. I know in my heart that while it wouldn't be right to tell him now, but I need to tell him about my feelings. He deserves to know, no scratch that. He needs to know. I'm falling in love with Kurt Hummel, and the fact that I can slowly feel my heart fall for his daughter, only makes those feelings even better.