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Paid in Full

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Paid in Full by Nicb0723

Jensen wouldn’t call himself a total workaholic. He absolutely works his ass off, sure - but he tends not to take it home with him anymore. He does still work long hours though; getting up when the sky is dark and arriving home never knowing if the sun ever came out during the day.

The money is good. Really fucking good. And the benefits are even better, especially since he has a tendency for getting cavities. While Jensen’s not stuffing his face full of sugar and then working all of it off at the gym later, he handles cases for about five clients at a time, all of whom have very different and demanding personalities. Being a top divorce lawyer at his firm is incredibly time consuming and Jensen tries to deal with what’s given to him with as much patience and dignity as possible.

Sometimes though, when things go really bad in the conference room, Jensen wants to flip a table. Either the soon to be ex-husband is a douche with a brand new twenty-something perky, borderline slut hanging off his arm or future Mrs. Ex-whatever is insane with money and greed. At this point in his life Jensen doesn’t care who he represents, just that he gets paid on time. And when he’s not working on a case, Jensen’s on the phone making consultations, or on the computer doing research, and occasionally has to travel.

Jensen didn’t grow up in Larkspur. He doesn’t know anyone in the city and the few times he’s gone out with people from work on Friday nights it just became awkward. So, apart from trying to meet random guys in cheap gay bars, Jensen has discovered that being a loner isn’t so bad.

That is, until Mr. Hotass moved into the townhouse next door: Jared, who Jensen eventually learned all about from Mr. Miller, the property manager, one day while he was getting his mail. Mr. Miller knew exactly three things about Jared: First, his name. Secondly, that he moved here from across town. And thirdly, all of his belongings fit into boxes and on the back of his pickup truck. Jared kept to himself for the most part, but had a real friendly way about him complete with a wide smile and kind eyes. Not to mention he was built like a brick building, shoulders wide as a damn near boulder.

It’s too bad Jared is straight. Too bad it was confirmed one night by the very loud knocking of a headboard against the wall shared with Jensen’s bedroom three days after the guy moved in. Apparently the walls aren’t very thick. It had never been a problem before when Ms. White lived in that townhouse, although the little old lady probably never made a wall rattle and shake in her life.

It’s weird hearing people have sex. Even weirder because it kind of turned Jensen on, especially because he’d just seen Jared come back from the gym that morning in nothing but a old shirt and basketball shorts. Jensen could hear the girl moan pretty damn clear, scream Jared’s name and then there would be a quick thump-thump-thump of the headboard and a deep grunting noise followed shortly after.

There’re a lot of different girls, a few made various appearances, but Jared’s never very vocal with any of them except at the end. Jensen won’t admit that he puts his ears to the wall after the girl has finally quit screaming; letting Jared’s muffled weak groans come through. Jensen doesn’t want to be a creeper, but sometimes he can’t help it.

So yeah, Jensen has heard his hot neighbor have an orgasm. Multiple times. That’s the extent of his social life.  It’s somewhat sad and a lot lonely, but very real.

And then Jared locks himself out of his house.


The soft knock interrupts Jensen’s Sunday night date with a cold beer and prime-time television. He had a rough week and it seems that cheesy crime shows can help entertain his mind, and push thoughts of negotiations and settlements out.

His feet are bare, he’s wearing track pants and his stupid Trust Me, I’m a Lawyer hoodie when he goes to the door, hoping the pizza he ordered thirty minutes ago is on the other side.

What he gets is a hot sweaty neighbor.

“Um. Hi.” Jared’s fingers are twisting around an old white towel. His eyes are persistent and as soon as Jensen gives a small smile, Jared matches it.


“I’m Jared,” Jared says and points next door. “I live right there.”

Jensen nods. “I remember.”

“Oh. Great,” Jared’s smile grows wider. “I hate to do this, but I locked myself out and was just coming back--”

“From the gym?” Jensen guesses, noting Jared’s wearing his normal workout gear.

“Actually, I just finished a run. I forgot my keys and don’t have my phone with me. I never got a chance to give anyone a spare key and um - I know you’re probably busy n’all but…” He runs his fingers through his sweat damp hair and glances to the floor. Jared’s got these mile long arms to match his even longer legs, and smooth tan skin which is starting to flush all over.

“Sure, man. C’mon in,” Jensen opens the door wider and steps to the side. Jared is a huge guy and makes Jensen feel like a shrimp in comparison, even though he stands proudly over six feet himself. His neighbor takes up much of the room in the tiny living space and Jensen is just not used to it. He has seen the guy in the hallway a couple of times now, exchanged small pleasantries, but seeing Jared this close up is a whole new experience.

“Thanks, appreciate it, dude.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow at ‘dude’ but doesn’t say anything about it. “It’s not a problem. I think I have Mr. Miller’s number around here somewhere. Just take a load off.” He pats the couch as he makes his way to the kitchen.

Jared smiles again, this time with relief as he sits down and tosses his sweat towel over his shoulder. He’s staring at the television when Jensen peaks out from the kitchen. It’s not often he gets a good vibe so fast from someone he doesn’t know that well. Jared’s radiating positive energy. It’s in the way he holds himself, the way he’s leaning back and has his legs crossed over his knee, like he’s completely comfortable in his own skin. Just his presence calms and excites Jensen in way he hasn’t felt in awhile. It could also be the fact that there hasn’t been an attractive guy in his place like, ever, and Jensen hasn’t gotten laid in well, longer than he’d care to admit, even to himself.

Jensen can read people pretty accurately because it’s a part of his job. He’s used to dealing with creepy guys, nothing but sex and more sex on their mind, the squeaky clean persona they try to play off but underneath is a dirty, old man. Jared is the exact opposite, with honesty and a certain kind of gentleness in his eyes. Jensen can already see it; hasn’t seen something so real in years. And if there is something dark and greedy about Jared, it’s hidden deep.

“Uh. I think the number is somewhere in my office so I’ll be right back. Feel free to change the channel.” Jensen points to the remote before he heads towards the stairs. He lucked out with finding the townhouse he lives in. It’s small, with only two bedrooms on the upper level but there’s a deck perfect for a charcoal barbeque out back and a nice yard that he doesn’t have to upkeep.

“Nah, it’s cool. I haven’t seen this one yet.” Jared settles more into the couch and Jensen wonders for a brief second if the cushions will smell like Jared’s sweat once he leaves.

He takes the stairs two at a time and is trying to think where the hell he would have put the phone number, if he still has it at all. Vaguely, Jensen remembers shoving it in a folder possibly located in the small file cabinet by his desk.

The doorbell chimes and Jensen yells down the stairs. “Can you get that? It’s the pizza guy, there’s money on the coffee table.”

After a few seconds Jared responds with, “Got it!” And Jensen hears the door open and a polite exchange of conversation.

The smell of pepperoni makes Jensen work through his file folders quickly and he finally finds the number stuffed in an envelope marked ‘keep this’.

“I found it,” Jensen calls out as he enters the living room again. Jared has placed the pizza in the kitchen and is leaning against the counter. His face lights up when Jensen approaches and yeah, Jensen could definitely get used to having Jared in his house.

“Here you go,” Jensen hands over the crinkled paper and his cell phone.

“Awesome…” Jared trails off and blushes slightly.

“It’s Jensen.”

“Right,” Jared smiles again. “Jensen. Thank you.”

All Jensen can do is shrug and go for the plates and more beer while Jared dials the number.

“Hey Mr. Miller, this is Jared. Right, 2534. I uh, kinda locked myself out and was wondering---. Oh. Oh okay. Yeah, that’s no problem. I’ll be around. Sure. Okay. Bye.”

“Bad news?”

“He’s about an hour out of town visiting his nephew or something. Won’t be back for awhile. So I guess I’ll get goin’. I can wait at the diner down the block.” And then Jared’s stomach lets out a loud rumble, his hand flying to belly in attempts to cover up the sound.

Jensen tries to hold back laughter. “Jared, man, don’t be stupid. You can chill here; it’s no problem at all.”

“You sure?” Jared asks, and he’s almost sheepish in the way he hangs his head. “I know you have to get up early, I can hear you leave before my alarm goes off.”

“Yeah, well. It’s not like we’re gonna party all night, right? Just grab the beer and a couple of slices so we can eat on the couch. You watch Dexter?”

Jared’s face brightens at that. “I just caught up on all the episodes but I don’t have Showtime, so I haven’t seen any of this season.”

“Well c’mon.” Jensen grabs some paper towels, balancing a plate and beer in one hand. “First one’s about to start in five and I can’t miss the beginning.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay. Thanks.” Jared says it slowly, like making the decision is going to be so painful. He rounds his eyes, which makes these soft creases in his forehead and it down right makes him look pitiful, like some kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Oh please.” Jensen shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “It’s not like your puttin’ me out. Save the sad dopy face for someone else.”

“I was trying to be sincere,” Jared laughs.

“Try harder. Shit, I can hear the music starting!” Jensen rushes back into the living area and Jared follows him, snickering slightly.

“You’re kinda a freak about this show.”

“Dude, its Dexter.”

Jared takes a bite of pizza and nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Take a seat,” Jensen says, eyes on the television. Jared plants himself on the floor and stretches out his legs, hissing through his teeth when the burn of muscles hits.

They watch the show, laughing together in all the right places and Jared sings out “playyy-a” when Dexter gets laid.  They yell when things don’t go the way they want and spend fifteen minutes after the show is over to discuss possibilities of what’s going to happen next.

“Hey, if you want to you can come over next Sunday too.” Jensen says before he can really think about it. “I mean, I’ll be here so you could. If you wanted to.”

“Awesome! I’ll so be here!” Jared does a fist pump and rolls to get up. He puts his plate in the sink and asks Jensen where his recycling bin is located.

“Right in there.” He shows him and starts to clean up the kitchen a little, rinsing out dishes and cups. “So what do you do anyway, Jared? Besides working out all the time.” Jensen adds with a jab of sarcasm.

Jared just smirks and flexes his arms with his hands clasped together behind his head. “You mean when I’m not workin’ on these guns? I’m actually a full-time student and work at the library during the week.”

“Oh yeah? What’re you studying?”

“Business.” Jared answers blandly, lowering his arms. “I’m in advanced courses right now, I graduate in a year.”

“You don’t sound too excited about it.”

Shrugging, Jared fiddles with a piece of mail on the counter. “I’m not in it for the excitement. You’d have to be crazy to be in business and find it exciting.”

“So what are you in it for?”

“Money, of course.” Jared says simply.

Jensen sneaks a look at Jared’s tattered clothes again. Nothing about him screams superficial at all.

“More money more problems?”

Jared laughs. “That sounds about right.”

An old man’s scratchy voice filters through the open window from the front room. “Jared! You around here somewhere, boy?”

“There’s Mr. Miller. Thanks again for letting me hang out.” Jared goes to grab his towel and open the door, stops to turn towards Jensen again. “You sure it’s cool for me to come over next weekend?”

“’Course it is, I’ll see you then.”

Jared grins and Jensen hears him call out, “Over here, Mr. Miller!” before he shuts the door behind him.

And just like that, Jared is in Jensen’s life.


On Saturday it’s Halloween and Jensen briefly thinks about going out, maybe to the little pub a few blocks away, until he sees dark clouds coming in and it’s cold and wet, and yeah, he can really be that lazy. But he does make it to the store to buy candy for the little kids who will be knocking on his door and if Jensen just happens to wear a too tight grey thermal and throws on some leather gloves, it’s just a coincidence.

The doorbell starts ringing soon after the sun sets. Jensen abandons his spaghetti noodles on the stove and grabs the bowl of candy he placed by the front door an hour earlier. There’s a group of very hyper children on his front steps practically jumping in circles, holding their bags out and shouting trick or treat in a unison scream. Jensen says “Hi” and has to bend down to hand out the candy when he hears Jared’s door open.

“Wait. Don’t tell me you’re dressed up as Dexter!”

Jensen tosses a bite size snickers in the bag belonging to a fairy princess and shoots Jared a glare. “Don’t hate. And it’s not like –“

Then Jensen actually gets a good look at Jared and can’t possibly stop a huge burst of laughter. “What the hell is that?”

Jared peers up at the bright neon purple wig on top of his head. “What? I’m a Troll.”

“Aren’t Trolls supposed to be, like, little or something?”

“Okay, so I’m a Troll that ate all his Wheaties, I don’t know.”


Jensen looks at batman and a ballerina on his doorstep, smiles and gives them candy. Jared leans on his doorframe and waits because the kids have to take about four steps and they’ll be in front of his house.

“Hey, you cookin’ over there? Something smells good.”

Jensen nods and watches as the kids thrust their bags open in front of Jared now. “Yep.  Just some tomato sauce and noodles. Nothing fancy.”

Jared smiles all slow, eyes lined with something mischievous. “I happen to love nothing fancy.”

Jensen laughs and grins in return. “You want a plate? There’s plenty.”

“How about yes, but only if I promise to bring you food tomorrow since I seem to be eating all of yours.”

“That’s a deal. You have candy duty until I get back.” Jensen hands over his goods to Jared and heads back to his kitchen, finishes up cooking and makes two plates. He tucks beers under his arm and isn’t that graceful while he tries to make it back to the front door, grabbing a jacket on the way and hoping the weather holds out for just a little longer.

“Don’t blame me if it sucks.” He says, giving Jared the spaghetti and sitting down on the front step.

Jared takes a huge bite and shakes his head, then tries to talk with his mouth full of food. “No way, man. It’s great.”

“Good. You know what’s weird? I’ve never seen a troll with purple hair eat spaghetti.” Jensen comments.

“Trolls are magical creatures. I’m pretty sure they can digest anything.”

Jensen scrunches his nose. “You think they’d poop the color of their hair?”

Jared barks out a laugh and almost sprays sauce everywhere. “Dude, there’s kids around.”

“Kids know all about poop.”

“That’s true. But I’m eating and you’ll make a noodle come out my nose.”

Jensen apologizes half-heartedly and continues to eat. “Or maybe its rainbow-colored poo.”

Jared laughs again, almost chokes this time and tells Jensen it’ll be his fault if he dies.

“Okay, but I was just tryin’ for a noodle to come out your nose ‘cause that would’ve been awesome.”

“Maybe you’re right, it would be pretty awesome.” Jared agrees. “Keep bringing up poop and we’ll see if it can happen.”

They don’t end up discussing poop, but they do talk the night away with random conversation that would entertain and possibly embarrass anyone else.  They eat and hand out more candy, talking about the various costumes they see on the kids and telling each other everything they know about movies, television shows, and books. They argue, agree, debate, and laugh for the next few hours. There’re a handful of candy wrappers by each of their feet, although Jared’s pile is starting to overflow by the time they go inside.

The next morning Jensen finds a big purple wig attached to his doorknob, soaking wet from the rain that finally started to fall.


Thirty minutes to seven, Jared knocks on the door with a grocery bag full of chips, salsa, and cheese. “Nachos anyone?” His grin is blinding and he makes his way through the small house with grace, effortlessly dodging the laundry basket Jensen had left in the middle of the hallway.

“Did you get that salsa at the market on the corner? The really good one with extra green chilies?”  

Jared grabs the jar and holds it up. “Is there anything else?”

“Fuck no.” Jensen moves to heat up the oven, struggles for something to talk about other than food and stupid Halloween costumes. They hadn’t passed each other in the hallway this morning and other than those few hours yesterday, talking about random stuff, they don’t really know a lot about each other so awkwardness is still lingering just a little. Honestly, Jensen’s just happy that Jared came over at all, and of course, pleased as hell. “Um, so, how was your week?”

Jared laughs, teasing when he says, “Just fine, mom, how was yours?”

“Jackass,” Jensen mutters, smile slowly forming.

“Oh.” Jared pulls a key from his front pocket. “Here. Figured I could give you a spare in case I get locked out again. Put it somewhere safe. Don’t steal any of my shit. Don’t break in and watch me while I sleep or anything remotely disturbing.”

Jensen takes the key and flips it between his fingers. “You hardly know me. You don’t trust any of your friends?”

“No way. I give any of them a key to my house and it’s guaranteed chaos.”

Jensen puts the key in a shot glass sitting on the counter and says, “Safe.”

“In the Hooters shot glass? Really?”

Jensen shrugs. “Would you rather the “this makes me throw up a little” glass?” And seriously, he should probably have a garage sale soon because no respectable thirty year old would have a shot glass that lame.

“Yeah, okay, good point.” Jared reaches for the chips; breaks open the bag, and starts to munch loudly.  He pushes some work folders around that are arranged on the counter and flips one open. “Hey so what do you do anyway? You really a lawyer?”

At first Jensen’s a little taken back by the complete gusto of Jared in his kitchen, talking with his mouth full again, slipping his flip flops off, looking through his papers and hoping up on the counter, making himself right at home. But then Jensen notices that the awkwardness is just sort of… gone, and it’s like they’ve known each other for years. And it’s kind of awesome Jared remembers his hoodie from the other night.

“Yeah, I’m a lawyer at a good size firm downtown. Divorce lawyer, specifically. I get to see couples at their lowest n’shit and it’s usually not pretty.” Jensen keeps talking as he starts to make nachos and gets beer from the fridge. “Some days are better than others but can’t complain, ya know?”

Jared nods and lets out a huge yawn. “I can’t wait to just start working and not have to worry about homework and tests. These classes are killing me.”

“I remember those days.” Jensen says, and he really does feel sympathetic for the kid. “It’ll get better though, usually does.”

“I hope so. I mean, I have no life. I sleep, eat, study, go to class, work, and repeat. Coming over here is the highlight of my week.”

“Yeah? What about all your friends?”  Jensen asks. He can’t imagine a guy like Jared without a huge group of friends following him around everywhere or calling all the time.

“They’re really busy too. We all are. Some of them work at the library with me, so that’s cool ‘cause I get to see ‘em. Other assholes don’t have to work and get by with their rich parent’s money. Too much time and booze, ya know? And fuck that, I don’t really hang out with those jerks anymore.”

Jensen’s actually a little impressed. It seems that Jared has a good head on his shoulder. “Well, you have less than a year left, right? Shouldn’t be that bad.”

“Yeah.” Jared agrees, and then rubs a huge hand down his face, trying to wake up. “And then I’ll have to start paying back my student loans. Fun times just get crap-tastic.”

The timer goes off then, which means the nachos are ready. Jensen grabs them from the oven and glances back to Jared. “Wanna drown your sorrows in chips and cheese?”

Jared chuckles, runs his fingers through his hair and shakes the gloomy mood off. “Sorry I’m such a downer. I’m not usually this depressing; it was just a long fucking week. I’m good now.”

“Hey man, I get it. I was exactly where you are just a few years ago. It does get less shitty, I promise.”

“Yeah.” Jared gives a soft smile and hops off the counter. “You better hurry the hell up, dude. Show’s about to start and I’m not about to have you get all pissy if we miss the beginning.”

Jensen can’t help but to stare at Jared’s ass in those jeans as he walks into the living room. The shirt he’s wearing is flannel and looks really soft. It sucks that he can’t touch, but having Jared’s company is obviously way better than not having it at all. Not to mention he defeated the odds of actually befriending someone outside of work. Once a certain age passes, it’s hard to gain new friendships. Maybe Jensen’s luck is changing.

They quiet down as the show starts and right when it’s getting to the good part, Jensen starts to squirm. “I gotta piss. Pause it.”

Jared sighs deeply like he’s irritated, but grabs the remote and when Jensen gets out of the bathroom a few seconds later, he realizes Jared cleaned up all the beer bottles and put everything back in the fridge from the nacho making. Oh god, he’s cute, smart, and cleans. Jared’s kinda perfect.

When they both sit down again, Jared squishes himself right up against Jensen and says, “What? Best seat in the house,” after Jensen raises an eyebrow at him.

And the thing is, it is the best seat for viewing the television, so Jensen can’t really argue. Instead he gets as comfortable as he can and waits out the last fifteen minutes of the show until he can move again.

Jared leaves shortly after it’s over anyway, fighting another yawn and Jensen knows that the guy is tired but he’s still a little disappointed that it ended up to be a such a short evening. As Jensen slips into bed that night, he wonders if he’s going to have to wait another whole week to see Jared again.

Jensen is really happy when the answer turns out to be no.


The next morning Jared is squatting down on the floor tying his shoe when Jensen heads out to work, cup of coffee in hand and messenger bag thrown over his shoulder stuffed full with a pile of paperwork he never got around to looking at over the weekend.

“Hey!” Jared straightens up and grabs the backpack sitting by his feet.

“Hi,” Jensen replies with just as much enthusiasm, trying to hide it just a little. Being overeager is not a sexy look on him. “What’re doin’ up so early?”

“I have a meeting with my class advisor this morning. New semester starts in a few weeks.”

“Yeah? You get a break in between?”

“Kinda. I gotta work at the library and study, but yeah after finals I get a few days off.”

They walk to the parking lot of the building complex and Jensen opens his car door when he reaches it. “You wanna ride to campus?”

“Nah, man. I gotta truck right there.” Jared points to the biggest, blackest, most badass pimpin’ truck in the lot.

“Compensating much?” Jensen smirks.

“Big guy gotta have a big ride. Nothin’ you’d know about, shorty.” Jared pats Jensen’s shoulder with a teasing frown and dodges Jensen’s blow to his shoulder.

“That cut me real deep, man.”

“Aw, didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

“With a capital S, jackass.  Hey, that’s a nice truck for a college kid like yourself.”

“Yeah well, it cost me three years of my life. I had to work as a waiter right after high school to save up for school and my pimpin’ ride.”

“Three years as a waiter, huh? Must’ve been awful.”


Jared nods and gets situated with his backpack. “It wasn’t that bad. Hey, you doin’ anything tomorrow night?”

“Nothing I can think of.” Jensen lets a little thrill of tingles flutter in his stomach. So stupid, he thinks to himself.

“It’s half-off wings at the B&G on Tuesdays. I was gonna grab like five… maybe ten buckets if you wanna come over to mine.”

“Ten? God damn. Sweet n’spicy?”

Jared wiggles his eyebrows in the most flirtatious way. “Just like me.”

Jensen lets out a surprised laugh, thinking this is probably the best way to start his Monday morning. “I’ll bring the beer.”


The next day and a half is somewhat torturous. Jensen can practically taste the barbeque, but if the wings are all he’s excited about… well, he’d be lying to himself.

He waits about twenty minutes after he hears Jared get home, slamming the door after him and taking a piss, because yeah, Jensen can hear the water flow in the pipes along the walls of his place.

“I only brought a six pack. It’s a school night.” Jensen pushes the beer into Jared’s arms and walks into the living area. It’s the exact same layout, but Jared barely has any furniture and what he does have looks as if it came from a thrift store. There’s a small television in the corner, books all over the floor, and an old laptop sitting on an ancient wood desk. There’re paper plates and mismatched cups and while Jensen has worked hard for what he has, including his plush leather couch and stainless steel coffeemaker, he feels a little bad for Jared.

“I don’t have class till noon tomorrow, man, and alls you brought was a damn six pack? That ain’t right.”

“There’s more in my fridge if we need it, but I gotta get up early.” Jensen says. There are exactly five buckets of wings on the kitchen table and he lets out a low moan from the smell of tangy sweet sauce. “Three for me and two for you?”

“Try again.” Jared grabs a roll of paper towels from the kitchen and sits down.

“I was always really bad at math.” Jensen grins and settles at the table too.

Jared raises his eyebrow. “I doubt that for some reason. But since you let me free load your TV once a week and eat your food, I’ll let you have the first wing.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, but digs in anyway. “You’re kind of a freak.”

“Am not.” Jared looks shocked and then asks with a hint of seriousness, “Wait. How do you figure?”

Jensen shrugs. “Just a friendly observation.”

“Well it’s kinda true, I guess.” Jared licks some sauce from his thumb. “It sucks that you hardly know me and figured that out already. Although I did sorta barge into your home and demand beer and television so it’s better that you realize I’m a dork now rather than later.”

Jensen laughs and agrees. “Actually? I’m glad you chose my door to knock on. Tell you the truth, I don’t know many people here so it works out just fine.”

“Yeah? What about people from work or like, family n’ friends n’shit?”

“Not from ‘round here so no family, and I haven’t gotten to make any friends yet, ‘sides you of course.” Jensen playfully winks. “And most of the other lawyers at work, no offense to them, are all kinds of crazy – bat shit included.”

“Ah ha.” Jared nods knowingly. “That’s why you never go out.”

“I go out. Sometimes. To the grocery store.”

“Mmm. Now it all makes sense.”

Jensen wipes his mouth with a napkin and sits back, stomach pleasantly full. “What does?”

“Nothing. Just that I can hear when your door opens and closes and it’s always at the same time of the day. When I’m making my breakfast shake in the morning I hear you leave for work and when I’m studying you usually come home, same time every evening.”

Jensen sighs, peeved that he has become so predictable. “I tried to go out about a month after I moved here. Didn’t go so well.”

Jared frowns. “Uh oh. Where’d you go?”

“Um. That place on second street. The West or something.”

“You mean Club West?” Jared asks with a snicker. “You can’t go in there alone, dude. You totally need a wing man for that place. Oh and by the way, that’s like a huge hangout for gay guys.”

Jensen averts his eyes and clears his throat.

Jared grabs his beer and takes a big gulp, his smile falling around the bottle as the silence carries on. “Oh. I didn’t know… I just assumed and – oh wow. It’s just that--”

“Just what?”

“You don’t act gay at all.” Jared says and instantly slaps a hand over his big fat mouth.

Jensen throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh. “Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment. You gonna kick me outta your house now?”

“No.” Jared narrows his eyes and if he’s actually really offended, Jensen can’t tell. “I’m not a homophobic asshole.”

“Oh good.” Jensen smiles and clicks Jared’s beer bottle with his. “I was afraid I was gonna have to bitch slap your ass and steal the rest of the wings on my way out.”

“Try stealing my wings and I’ll kick your ass.” Jared says, and then in a lower voice, almost like it’s hard for him to admit. “My sister’s gay. And she’s had her fair share of shit to deal with, ya know? So yeah, I wouldn’t be like that.”

“I didn’t think you would be.” Jensen replies quickly. “But ya never know and I hate to take any chances.”

Jared nods and drinks the last of his beer.

Jensen swallows thickly during another silence, trying to think of something to say. What comes out is pretty lame. “So you’re sister’s really gay, huh? Like full on lesbian? That’s pretty hot.”

Crinkling his nose, Jared tries to force down a smile. “Dude, that’s gross.”

“No way. Even I know lesbians are hot. Or is she butch? Is she on a softball team ‘cause if she is, man, I’m sorry to say she’s probably total butch.”

Jared doesn’t have to lean very far over the table in order to punch Jensen in the arm. “Better stop talkin’ smack about my little sister.”

“Ow! Okay, okay. I know when to shut my mouth.” Jensen grins widely and hands over another beer as a peace offering. “Seriously though, you and your family close?”

“Yeah, pretty close. I talk to mom once a week and she gives me all the family gossip. Don’t see ‘em nearly often as I’d like to, but hopefully after school is done I can go back for a visit.”

“And where’s that?” Jensen asks.

“California. Moved there a few years back from Texas.”

Jensen really likes the mix of the cute Texan drawl and the California surfer dude in Jared’s voice, now that he can place it. “Yeah?  My whole family’s back in Texas.”

“You see ‘em a lot?”

“Nah. Not really.”

“Why’d you move away then?”

Jensen takes a deep breath in and grabs the empty buckets, eyes searching for the garbage can. Outside from the kitchen window catches his gaze and he realizes Jared’s got a way better view than him. Rolling hills break away into mountains in the distance, trees turning bare with yellow and orange leaves on the ground.

Jared clears his throat loudly. “Jensen? Did I hit a nerve or what?”

“No.” Maybe he shouldn’t lie. “Well, kinda. Just a bad break up. You know how it goes.”

Jared scrunches his nose. “Sorry. Pretty bad, huh?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Jensen gets another beer and walks past Jared, into the living room. He plants himself on the well worn futon and sits back. He hasn’t thought about Noah in a really long time, the pain still lingering, stinging his heart in a sharp jab whenever the past crosses Jensen’s mind.

“It wasn’t good, got a little nasty at the end.” Jensen admits. “I guess that I just thought he was the one I’d be spending the rest of my life with. In my head I kept making plans, for like, vacations n’stuff. Where we would go, where we would stay, what we should save up our money for. I wanted to travel the world with him.”

“That sounds kinda nice.” Jared says softly, moving some books off a crappy looking recliner and taking a seat.

“Stupid, is what it was. He didn’t want to travel. He wanted a family, a couple of kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. We just wanted different things and never thought about talking about the future until it was too late. We always assumed we wanted the same thing.”

“How long were ya’ll together?”

“About five years. Three were good and the last two we spent pretending we both wanted the same life. God damn, we fought all the time.”

“Ouch.” Jared murmurs. “You wanted a fresh start then, right? Why’d you choose Larkspur?”

“I tried to stick it out after we broke up, but the neighborhood I’m from is just so damn small, ya know? I felt fucking confined to my house because I didn’t want to risk running into him. But then this firm had an opening here and I got in. Maybe I’ll make partner soon.” Jensen doesn’t mention that he has never worked this hard before, throwing himself into anything that would keep his mind off of Noah. Anything to keep from thinking about what was one of the hardest decisions he has ever made in his entire life.

So what if Noah wanted kids. Was that really so bad? One or two rug rats running around wouldn’t be the end of the world. But fuck, it’s not what Jensen wants and a little part of him knows that he’s selfish because of it. What Jensen really wants is to have someone that he can be with again, someone who wants to be with him, to be there when he gets home from work every night and go off on adventures during the weekend. What he doesn’t want is to get hurt again, and the risk isn’t worth trying to find that person.

“Hey.” Jared nudges at Jensen’s foot with his. “Want me to kick your ass in Mario Kart? Bet you’ll feel tons better after that.”

“Yeah.” Jensen sits on the floor by the small TV and picks up a controller. “Crushing that massive ego of yours will feel pretty sweet.”

“Oh it’s on now.”

Jensen lets his head fall back on the couch, watches as Jared hooks up the play station, his perfect ass just a few feet in front of Jensen’s face.

This view will do just fine.


Jared nails a huge test during midterms and does really well on reports that he had turned in the week before, so to celebrate they end up at a local bar just a few blocks down from where they live. Jensen thinks it’s the last place where he’ll run into anyone but of course, there’re tons of people from work and a few students from Jared’s classes. They get separated, being pulled in opposite directions and Jensen is forced to make awkward conversation yet again. These guys are stuffy, balding, and tell really bad jokes. Jensen thinks they’re all at the bar to avoid going home to their wives, much like the clients he represents.

It takes Jared thirty minutes to find him, and then with a warm hand on Jensen’s shoulder they fight their way towards the bar. He turns his back to the kids from his class, orders two and slides a bottle to Jensen.

“Aren’t those your friends over there?”

“Not really, just ‘cause they’re in some of my classes doesn’t mean I like to hang out with ‘em. I’d much rather be over here.”

“Just promise to save me again if I get dragged over to the lawyer table again. Jesus, they’re fucking boring.”

“Deal.” Jared toasts to that, clinking his bottle neck to the one sitting in front of Jensen. “Now drink up so we can get the hell outta here and go drink back at my place.”

“Is it weird that we don’t find each other annoying?” Jensen asks while he takes a pull, looking around at all the other groups of guys in the bar being loud and obnoxious. “I kinda want to punch everyone else I come in contact with.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Jared laughs. “In a really weird, violent kinda way. And most people are annoying assholes so I can relate. And just wait, I’m sure I’ll get on your nerves sooner or later.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything. He really doubts it. He watches as Jared knocks back the rest of the bottle and starts to ramble, about what Jensen’s really not too sure because he’s very much distracted by Jared’s lips, slick from the beer and the color of a soft pink, which Jensen can only dare describe as plush and very kissable.

“What’s up?” Jared asks, noticing Jensen’s gaze practically glued to his mouth. “Do I have something in my grill?” Then he smiles real big and starts picking at his teeth.

It ruins the momentary lapse of attraction and Jensen laughs a little, shaking his head.

“Oh. Good. Hey, does that mean we’re like, friends now? How cool is that? We can be BFFs and everything, share all of our secrets, braid each other’s hair, paint each other’s toes.” Jared flutters his eyelashes and it’s all so ridiculous.

 “Oh god, you getting on my nerves? It’s starting already. I take back everything I just said. Also? I wouldn’t get near your crazy toes even if you paid me.”

Jared drops his mouth in shock and then frowns. “You’d have to if you want to maintain our BFF status. Don’t you want that, Jensen? I’m an awesome friend.”

Yes, Jensen really does. More than anything. He’d take anything Jared offered to him and probably always want so much more, but he’ll always fight to admit it, even to himself.  “Fine, you big baby. Also, you’re a giant girl.”

Jared lets out a happy “Whoop!” and smiles bright and wide. Jensen can’t help but to laugh and shake his head at his friend.

“Hey Jared, what kind of ship never sinks?”

“What kind?”


Jared throws his head back and laughs so hard that half the bar crowd is smiling at him.

When he finally quits his hysterical giggles, Jared leans in all close, “D’aw, that was so sweet. It’s like you wrote me a little friendship poem. And now who’s the girl?”

Jensen just shrugs. He’s okay with it.


Weeks go by and Jensen doesn’t hear any moaning or banging from the headboard coming from Jared’s place. He figures maybe Jared’s having a dry spell or maybe he’s really busy with school.

It’s not like it matters at all, too much, it’s just something Jensen’s noticed and made a happy mental note of.

He still comes over every weekend to watch Dexter, but that’s been the extent of it. Jared’s schedule is super hectic with finals and Jensen saw the stress lines all around Jared’s face last time he was over. The worry creases in his forehead and the tightness of his smile, never reaching his eyes and causing that distinctive little spark of energy in the blue-green hazel to disappear.

And Jensen really does remember those days, how incredibly crappy they were. When all life consisted of was studying, class, shitty food, a wink of sleep and nothing else. Except Jensen had Noah to get him through most of his last year of law school, always there to massage those tension headaches away and run out to get coffee, make dinner and do the laundry, whatever Jensen was too busy to do, hell even think about. And to watch Jared to go through it alone, without even support from his ma and pa, it well… it just kind of sucks.

So Jensen figures he’s a pretty nice guy and while he doesn’t want Jared to get the wrong idea, he starts helping in ways that he hopes will maybe help without Jared realizing what he’s doing.

If Jensen cooks up a big pot of chili and bakes entirely too much cornbread, it’s not by coincidence, but he’ll say it is as he knocks on Jared’s door.

“Hey, Jensen.”  It comes out as a sigh of relief, probably for the distraction. Jared looks exhausted, hair all out of place and clothes rumpled into wrinkles.

Jensen smiles, wants to give him a big hug but holds out his care package instead. “Hi. Made too much dinner tonight. Thought you might wanna taste.”

“Are you serious? That smells so fucking good.” Jared makes a grab for it and heads back to the kitchen, leaving the front door wide open as an invite. “I was about to eat my own arm, I’m so god damn hungry but I can’t stop writing this paper.”

“What’re you writing about?” Jensen asks, taking in the messy living room with books and clothes scattered all over the furniture.

“I have to write a business analysis using financial statements.” Jared takes a big bite of chili and moans around his spoon. “Holy crap, this is good.”

Jensen lets out a low chuckle and picks up a dirty t-shirt from the coffee table. “I’m glad you like it. There’s a whole lot more at my place if you get hungry in a few hours.”

“Yeah? Thanks, man.” Jared smiles, true and wide, and stretches his arms way over his head causing his shirt to ride up his flat stomach. “Feels good to take a break, actually. I’ve been at this all day.”

“I should let you get back to it, then. Don’t wanna distract you n’all.” Jensen hesitates by the door, takes another look around and can feel Jared’s gaze on him.

“Jensen? What’s up?”

“Look, this might sound really weird, but I remember how shitty finals week can be. So if you, ya know, need anything, like a cup of coffee or whatever, I’m just next door. Doing nothing.” Jensen adds with a grin.

Jared is practically beaming with the offer. “Cup of coffee sounds great. Maybe, in like an hour or two? I’ll need another pick me up by then.”

“Sure. I’ll be there. See you later.” Jensen’s smooth when he leaves, but he has to really try because all he wants to do is dance around like an idiot. It’s nice to feel needed again, to help someone out, even if it’s something simple like a cup of coffee. It reminds him of a time when he was happy and could share it with someone. And even if it’s just a false fantasy he’s having, it still makes that sweet little tingle in his stomach start to twist with warmth, a simple flutter he hasn’t felt in a long while.


Jensen doesn’t see much of Jared throughout the holidays. He went back to California to visit his mom for Thanksgiving and stayed all the way to New Year. Jared ended up getting high grades on his finals and when he met with his advisor, they discovered that he could graduate a semester early if he wanted to. Of course, Jared was all about it so he went home one last time before sinking into a brand new job.

Jensen was sad to see him go, but put a brave face on and when Jared slipped him a piece of paper with his phone number on it, he could feel the beaming smile form on face.

“Ya know, in case my place catches on fire or something.” Jared says, the day before he leaves. “Seriously though, you should have this for emergencies and I should get yours too.”

So they exchange numbers and Jared wraps Jensen up in those big arms of his before he has to get packed. “Have good holidays, Jen. Enjoy yourself some, try’n get out.” He winks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe try to get some too, huh?”

“Jackass.” Jensen slaps Jared on the back fondly, and maybe tightens his hold just a little.

It’s a really long month while Jared is gone and Jensen tries so hard not to think about it, about his stupid neighbor who Jensen had grown used to. Because the reality is that Jensen does need to get out and meet new people, he just doesn’t have the strength to face the world. He doesn’t want to embark on a journey when there’s no map to guide him. He’d much rather have someone shove him in the right direction, steer him towards the different destinations that are out there. And there’s one person in particular that makes the unknown a little less scary. So Jensen figures he’ll wait until Jared gets back and then he promises himself he’ll get out.

In the meantime, Jared texts him at least once every few days while he’s gone. Things like…

There’re too many people in California. They all suck at driving. Traffic sucks.

My mom is making me go insane. You might have to take me to the nut house when I get back

Good cooking though

My sister is on a softball team! Still not butch… ok, maybe a little. She just beat me up

You know that little coffee place on Briar Hill? I could really go for a latte from there.

I miss home.

I miss you.

The last one comes on New Year’s Eve and it hits Jensen with a force that probably shouldn’t be there for his own good. He has only known the guy for a few months now and Jensen knows he could fall hard if he lets himself. A whole three minutes goes by before Jensen texts back.

I miss you too.


“I’m home!”

Jensen left his front door open for this exact reason. He knew Jared would want to announce his arrival home and didn’t want to miss it.

“Hey! How was the flight?”

“I felt like a pretzel the entire time, but other than that, not too bad. How’s everything here? How’re you? Is the old lady upstairs still alive? God, I feel like I missed tons of stuff. How’s the--”

“Jared.” Jensen laughs. “Seriously, everything’s fine. Same old, same old. I promise you didn’t miss anything.”

“Really?” Jared frowns and then narrows his eyes. “Did you see the new Air Bender movie without me?”

“No, I said we’d see it together, you dork. I didn’t sneak off and watch it, I waited for you.”

Jared is extremely satisfied. “Okay then.”

“So how was the trip?” Jensen asks. He sets out two coffee cups and starts to pour. “How’s your mom doing? The family?”

Jared plops down on the couch and shucks off his sandals before putting his bare feet on the coffee table. “Dude, not great. My mom just does not look good. I mean, it’s been four years since my dad passed away and I thought she’d be more like herself by now, ya know? But I think she’s getting weaker and she’s depressed. It just sucked seeing her like that.” Jared rubs a hand down his face.

“She lives alone?”

“Yeah. Right now she does. It’s too expensive for me to move back there, but my brother might take her in for awhile. She’s gonna be pissed leaving the house she and dad built together. We just don’t know what else to do.”

“It’ll all come together, Jay. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Jared closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, his head falling back to the couch cushion. “Feels good to be home.”

Jensen gives him a hard squeeze on the shoulder and goes to the kitchen for more coffee. Home. God, he would love for Jared to consider his place home. Or even consider Jensen to be home, he’s not picky.

“So I guess I have some news…” Jensen starts after he gives Jared a few minutes of silence.

“Mmm?” Jared’s barely conscious and now Jensen feels bad for not letting him fall asleep.

“I kinda made partner last week.”

“Really?” Jared’s wide awake now. “Jen, that’s great! Congrats, man! You shoulda told me! So what does that mean now? You already work your ass off. Wait, you don’t have to move, right? ‘Cause that would really suck.”

“No, no, I don’t have to move.” Jensen laughs. He wants to run his hand through Jared’s hair so badly, but sits down next to him instead. “It’s just longer hours, more responsibility, better pay. The usual. I might have to travel more.”

“Can I stay here when you go outta town? You’re place is way nicer than mine.” Jared snuggles further down into the couch and lets out a huge yawn.

“We have the exact same townhouse.”

“Nicer stuff than mine.”

And that’s true. Jared’s place is kind of a pigsty. “You can stay here for as long as you want.” And Jensen means that, probably more than he should.

Jared yawns again, but starts to get up. “I need to shower and go to bed. Big week ahead.”

“When does the job start?”

“On Monday. I can’t believe I have to start out as a fucking secretary. I have a degree and I’m gonna be making less than I did mowing lawns when I was a kid.”

“I’m sure it’ll only be for a few months. Gotta start somewhere, right?” Jensen says, walking with Jared towards the door.

“Guess so. When does the new being a kick-ass partner start?”

“Already has. It was a pretty quick transition since one of the senior lawyers retired a few weeks ago and I had to pick up the slack.”

Jared nods and yawns again. He slumps his entire body down on Jensen to hug it out and Jensen struggles with the unexpected weight. Another big inhale and Jared lets it out slowly, his nose pressed to Jensen’s temple. “So good to be home.”


Jensen rushes past Jared’s open door and shouts, “I’m late, I’m sorry! Did I miss the kick off?” as he jams the key in his front door, fiddles with the lock for a second too long and throws his briefcase on the chair as soon as he’s inside his place.

“No, you jerkface.” Jared says with a smile and a plate of hamburgers, pushing his way through the living room. “And you promised you’d be on time.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. Fucking reports wouldn’t cooperate and then this guy, I think he picked up on the fact that I’m gay, keeps staring me down like I’m a piece of meat and like, distracting me with these stupid jokes until I finally had to throw him outta my office so I could get some work done and then the computer fucking crashed right before I’m leaving and I needed these statements like, fucking yesterday--”

“Jensen, just breathe man, its fine.” Jared pats him on the shoulder. “And turn on the tube, will ya? Game’s about to start.”

And Jensen wants to keep rambling about how awful his day was, but god, Jared doesn’t care. Jared doesn’t give a damn and doesn’t want to hear about the freak in the mail room or how often his printer jams. Jensen remembers the glazed over look Noah used to get when he came home from school talking all about property settlement agreements or litigations, going off about whatever he learned that day and a little of him thinks that’s another reason Noah left him. Because Jensen can be fucking boring.

“Right, shit. Yeah, sorry. I’ll get the TV, there’s some beers in the fridge.”

Jared yawns and settles into the couch with a napkin tucked into the collar of his shirt and takes a big bite of hamburger. A blob of ketchup falls and lands in the middle of the paper towel. It’s funny and something so Jared that Jensen feels his bad mood lift.

“Long day getting a bunch of asshole’s coffee?”

 Jensen smirks at Jared’s eye roll and even though no one wants to hear about his shitty life, he’ll always want to listen how Jared’s day went.

“Oh god, don’t get me started. Wanna know why I’m so tired? Because I spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing. I almost fell asleep five different times at my desk. I got twenty cups of coffee. Oh!  I did get to open the mail today. That was new and exciting.” Jared crosses his legs and brushes a hand through his hair. “I swear dude, if they don’t give me some actual responsibility soon, I’m gonna lose it.”

“Just hang in there. Gotta prove yourself first.” Jensen advises.

Jared huffs an agreement. “I’m not used to having all this time on my hands either. I kinda miss being busy.”

“You complained about homework and studying none stop.”

“Yeah well. I thought we’d be hangin’ out more but no, you have to go get yourself a stupid cool job with actual things to do.”

Figures, Jensen thinks. Now Jared actually has time to hang out, he’s busy as all hell. Down playing never hurt anyone though and Jensen decides to do just that.

“Oh yeah. Fighting off Chester in the mail room all day is really important.”

“Chester?” Jared laughs. “Chester wants your body!” He sings and then gets quickly distracted by the television. “Fumble! Did you see that?”

“We so got this game in the bag.” Jensen burps loudly and kicks up his feet too. Jared beams at him, finally relaxing more. Jensen might have an all important job now, but at this moment, Jared is his main priority.

They watch the game for a few minutes and then Jared starts yapping again, never able to keep quiet for very long. “So what else happened at work today?”

“Um…” Jensen thinks about the new client he’s representing and how he actually feels bad for her. Her asshole husband filed for divorce because she can’t get pregnant. Jensen doesn’t want to be a downer though, and he really doesn’t want that smile to disappear from Jared’s face. “Nothing too exciting.”

Jared turns back to the television and flips the remote in his hand. “Got any plans this weekend?”

“Actually, I’m going under the knife.” Jensen says seriously. “Major surgery Saturday morning.”

“What? For real?” The remote drops onto the couch, suddenly forgotten and Jared’s expression becomes so sincere and worried.

Jensen smiles and points to his mouth. “I have to get a crown.”

 “Oh. Pssh.” Jared rolls his eyes and mutters something about being a baby. “You need to cut out the gummy bears.”

“Are you crazy? Gummy bears are sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day.”

“Gummy shit is nasty. Now skittles on the other hand? Talk about party in my mouth.”

Oh how Jensen would love to experience anything to do with Jared and his mouth.

“What time’s your appointment?”

“Eight in the morning. Luckily I found a dentist that works a Saturday once a month.” Jensen stretches and fights off a yawn, already beat from a long week.

“You wanna go to a movie on Sunday if you feel up to it?”

“Yeah, that sounds like something.” Jensen can’t believe how tired he is and realizes now he never should’ve sat down. He should get up and move around a little; otherwise he’ll end up dead to the world.

“Jense? You gonna fall asleep on me, man?”


“You’re a liar.”

“Mmm. Maybe.” It comes out softly and Jensen thinks he should be a little embarrassed. But then he feels Jared’s hand on top of his head for half a second, a soothing little pat, and Jensen fights against his tired eyes, lazily watches the game and enjoys the comfort quiet.


That Saturday Jensen spends almost two hours with his mouth stretched open, pain seeping from his jaw and forming into a pounding headache while he sits reclined in a dentist chair.

Essentially, the start of his weekend completely sucks.

Jared, however, is there when Jensen gets home with a cautious smile and a huge blueberry smoothie.

“I cooked!”

Jensen tries to musters up a small smile until he remembers his swollen lips. “I think I’m gonna go ahead and die now.”

“Want some Advil?” Jared asks as he moves through the house right at Jensen’s heels.

Jensen shuffles into the living room. “Yeah, please.” He goes to the couch and sinks down, cradles his chin the best he can.

Somehow Jared knows Jensen keeps the pain medicine in the cabinet with the coffee cups. “Here. Take these.”

“Thanks.” Jensen swallows the pills and closes his eyes. “Don’t you have better things to do today?”

“Not really. All my friends graduated and moved away or have real jobs or ya know, have a real family. I guess I’m stuck with your ass.”

Jensen curls more into a pillow. “I feel really bad for you.”

“I feel bad for me too. You’re not much fun right now. And now I’ll have to go to the gym because you can’t distract me.”

Slowly, Jensen opens his eyes at that. “I’m in agonizing pain. A little sympathy here?”

Jared sighs and throws a blanket over Jensen’s body. “It’s worth the pain when your pearly whites are still pretty. Want me to do anything?”

There’s plenty Jensen would like from Jared but nothing’s coming to mind that would be appropriate to say. Instead he shakes his head and gives a pitiful frown.

“You’re probably just gonna pass out anyway.” Jared decides.” I guess I’ll leave you alone. Let me know when you’re drooling less and able to talk without a lisp. Not sexy, man.”

Jensen gives him the finger, then feels Jared patting his arm and a moment later chuckling on the way out.


Turns out that Jared is a little liar. He does have friends that he sometimes still hangs out with. Hot friends too, who like to play basketball at the park around the corner. Friends that get all sweaty and take their shirts off, which then inclines Jared to take off his shirt too and strut around like a fucking hot ass.

After Jared’s constant whining that they needed a sixth player, Jensen’s joined in a few games by now, not minding the accidental groping at all and actually encourages it in any way he can. He’ll hog the ball and foul, then just laugh it off like it wasn’t on purpose. Jared, of course, starts to catch on.

They’re walking back home and the afternoon sun is hot on Jensen’s back. Jared’s dribbling the basketball down the sidewalk as they go, t-shirt stuck in the waistband of his shorts and sunglasses pushed on top of his head.

“Dude, you realize it’s never gonna happen, right?”

“What’s never gonna happen?”

“Uh…” Jared scratches at his temple. “Hold on, I gotta figure out a way to put this delicately.”

“Well just put it anyway you want. M’ not sensitive.” Jensen steals the ball and spins it on his index finger. Yeah, he’s got some skills.

“My friends aren’t gay, man.”

Jensen throws a side glance, still keeping one eye on the ball. “You sure about that?”

“Craig has had the same girlfriend since high school, Aaron is married, Rick is engaged and Nick is just a douche so even if he was gay, you probably shouldn’t date him.”

That’s true. Craig has a dark and handsome thing going for him, brown skin and chestnut colored eyes. Jensen would totally be down to date the guy because he’s just so damn nice but he’s pretty sure wedding bells are ringing. And Aaron is a dork but actually a really good basketball player, the gold band always tight around his ring finger. All Rick can do is complain about how expensive the flowers are and the honeymoon will be after the wedding. Nick is just a snarky bastard.

“Yeah, okay, okay.” Jensen mumbles and tosses the ball back to Jared. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t cop a feel once n’awhile, right?” He smiles large and playful, tries to hold in a laugh at the glare he gets.

“Look, if you gotta grope on someone just do it on me okay?” Jared says. “I probably won’t even notice and if I do, I promise not to punch you in that purty face of yours.”

Damnit.  Jared knows that Jensen would never sink that low. Well, not yet anyway.

“Besides, we gotta get you some action.” Jared throws a sweaty arm across Jensen’s shoulders and pulls him in. “Otherwise your dick’s gonna shrivel up and die.”

“My dick is anything but shriveled, you asswipe. And you’re right, I do want some action but I don’t want the unnecessary drama. I’m not stupid, I know I can’t get one without the other.” Jensen also knows he’s a little bit lying to himself right now. Because if he could have sex with Jared and still be friends like they are? It’d be pretty perfect. But way too easy, and things aren’t that easy in Jensen’s life.

“Sure you can,” Jared says, the weight of his arm still heavy. “You just gotta find the right guy. I’m sure there’s a dude out there for ya. Maybe he’d have to be a little retarded, maybe a little deformed--”

“Like you?”

“That’s not what your mama said last night.”

“Jerk off.” Jensen shoves at Jared, which doesn’t move him even an inch, the fucking human brick wall.

“Exactly. Jerking off is bad. Getting laid is good!” This time Jared actually rubs at his arm where Jensen punches him.

By now they’ve reached their place and Jensen is pulling his key out from his shoe. “I don’t see why you’re so concerned about my sex life when you have your own to worry about.”

“Hey man, the ladies ain’t complainin’ about nothin’ round here.” Jared stretches his arms over his head and flexes, all his muscles bulging and abs becoming more defined.

Jensen rolls his eyes as he heads into the kitchen for some water. “Yeah well. Seems like the girls haven’t been ‘round at all lately.”

Jared’s rooting around in Jensen’s refrigerator and suddenly he freezes. “And how would you know that?”

“Uh. These walls ain’t so thick, Jay-man.” And then Jensen goes for the kill and makes mock mattress squeaking noises in that perfect tempo that only can mean one thing.

“Are you serious right now?” Jared’s face instantly flushes and his mouth hangs open in shock. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

Jensen takes a long drink of water and lets out a satisfying sigh as he pushes past Jared to the living room. “Oh I’m so not kidding.”

“How much did you hear!?”

Stretching out on the couch, Jensen clears his throat for maximum performance. “Ohhhh Jared, oh yeah baby, right there, oh fuck, you’re soooo good, oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD.”

Jared shakes his head in disbelief. “Yep, that’s a perfect impression of Erica all right.”

“You’re very quiet when you have sex.” Jensen says. “You should learn to let go more. Didn’t hear a peep outta you.” He lies again. Might as well not make an awkward situation worse.

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that, sex-pert. Fuck, that’s so embarrassing.”

“Nah. What’s really embarrassing is the headboard banging against the wall. That’s the really bad part.”

“Okay,” Jared puts his hand over Jensen’s mouth and pushes before crawling onto the recliner. “You can stop now.”

Jensen snickers. “Sorry. But seriously, it was only one or two times. Don’t even worry about it. You wanna know what’s really worse? Fucking hearing your parents in the room right above you, dude, that’s like life damaging right there.”

“Oh god.” Jared winces and fakes gag. “That’s gross.”

“So what happened to this Erica?” Jensen asks, not sure if he really wants to know. Jared’s never talked about old girlfriends before and it’s new territory. Not like Jensen would ever have a chance with Jared. That’s why he likes him so much, purely because he’s safe. A safe crush that will go absolutely nowhere.

Jensen’s seen what being in a relationship can do to people. It destroys them from inside out. It transforms people into these needy, groveling, disgusting excuses for human beings. He never wants to be with someone for so long that it changes him. And it happens. He’s seen it. And it’s the scariest shit he has ever witnessed. Fucking psychotic is how people turn. And god damn, the stupid things married couples on the brink of divorce will fight about are the most idiotic, shameful, selfish shit he’s ever heard of. Luckily he got out from his relationship with Noah before it got that destructive. Honestly, Jensen’s surprised Noah managed to worm his way into Jensen’s life at all. It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens again though. Especially because the aftermath of Noah still stings.

“Erica, Erica, Erica.” Jared starts and presses the cold water bottle to his forehead. “She was this girl in my finance class who liked me.”

“Obviously.” Jensen points out with a smirk.

Jared glares again.

“Sorry, keep going.”

“There’s not much to tell.” Jared stops and tilts his head thoughtfully.”Jensen, do you remember what my typical day looked like when I was in school?”

Jensen thinks about the question. “Well you’d get up at the ass crack of dawn sometimes to go for a run before class. Get home, shower, go to school, have class all day, go to the library, come home, maybe go to a night class or to the gym, dinner, some video games, study, and sleep.”

“Uh huh. And where in that schedule does that fit a girlfriend?”

“Ah.” Jensen understands now. “Kinda like my life right now. Couldn’t find the time, huh?”

“Oh Erica found tons of time for me to be with her. She wanted me to give up my runs, going to the gym, basketball games...”

“Everything important to you.”

“Yep.” Jared nods. “Girls dig the way I look but hate all the time I spend at the gym. So I just found some random hookups to get me by until my workload let up a little bit.”

“And now?” Jensen asks. “You’re not that busy anymore. You could handle it.” And it kills Jensen to say this. He doesn’t want some girl to take Jared away from him, not this soon after getting to know him.

Jared leans his head back on a pillow and sighs. “Maybe you’re right. Just the thought of dating though. It’s so much work.”

Jensen laughs. “Try dating guys and you’ll never have to buy flowers or sit through a crappy chick flick ever again.”

When Jared finally retreats next door and Jensen slips under the sheets on his bed, it’s only then that he realizes that Jared can just smile and wink to change the subject in a conversation whenever he wants and that’s exactly what he did a few hours ago. After talking about relationships and possibilities, gay options included, they somehow got to playing video games for a about an hour, had dinner together, and Jared had gone home. Jensen’s too tired to think about it now, his body sore from playing ball so hard and he has to get up early in the morning.

Just as he’s about to fall asleep, a banging noise filters through the wall. Then there’s exaggerated moaning mixed with Jared’s stupid laugh and Jensen can’t keep the smile from his face. He groans as he reaches for his phone.

Jensen to Jared: Stop that, u freak!

All the noise immediately stops and Jared just texts back a dumb smiley face. Jensen pounds on the wall shared between them once and a double knock comes back soon after.

Jensen figures its Jared’s way of saying good night.


A few Saturdays later they’re playing basketball at the park again, Jared and Jensen playing horse until the rest of the guys show up.

Conversation is flowing nicely, Jared bitching about work again when Rick jogs onto the court. He’s got red hair and he’s super smart and nice, the kind of guy Jensen could see being friends with for awhile.

“Dudes.” He says breathlessly, like he ran all the way from his car. “Fair warning. Nick took Craig’s little sister out on a date last week and I’m pretty sure he took her V-card.”

Jensen’s eyebrows shoot up and he hisses through his teeth, looks over at Jared with an oh-shit glance.

“Uh oh.” Jared says. “Does Craig know?”

“I think so.” Rick nods to parking lot where Craig and Nick are talking loudly, shouting almost. Enough to make a scene for mom’s with strollers passing by. “And I’m thinking we ought to go break it up.”

Aaron’s already trying to separate the two, spreading his arms out and pushing them apart.

“I can’t believe you did that to my little sister! What the fuck, man!”

“She’s twenty years old! She can make her own damn decisions!”

“Doesn’t matter! It’s a fucking bro code that you don’t do that! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“What’s wrong with me? What the fuck’s wrong with you? You ever think about the fact that I might actually like her?”

Might!? You fucking moron!”

And that’s when Craig twists out of Aaron’s hold and lunges at Nick, fists flying and Jared runs to get in the middle and break it up. And also catches an elbow right in the nose.

“Oh Jesus. Is that blood? Holy shit, blood makes me puke!”

It’s not until then Jensen notices a steady flow of red streaming heavily from Jared’s nostrils, running down his lips and chin.

“Ow.” Jared winces and cups his bruised face, touching delicately along the bridge of nose. “Dude, not cool.”

Craig and Nick quickly stop fighting now that someone’s actually hurt, but are still shooting death glares at each other. Jensen takes off his shirt and presses it to Jared’s mouth to catch the blood.

“I’m taking him home.” Jensen says, steering Jared away. “You guys cool or is someone gonna end up calling the cops?”

The guys grumble, eyes on the sidewalk and Jensen doesn’t have a doubt that they feel bad their friend got hurt.

“We’ll catch you later then. Jared, come on. You okay to walk?”

Jared just nods and they start across the field. If they cut through the grass it’ll only take a few minutes to get home.

“You think it’s broken?” Jensen asks softly after they’re a few feet away.

“I don’t think so. Hurts like a bitch though.”

A loud whistle takes Jensen’s focus away from Jared and he looks across the field only to spot a group of girls pointing and smiling at him.

“You’re hot!” One of them yells with another catcall whistle right after. Then, “Lookin’ good, baby!”

“Oh my god that’s so embarrassing.” Jensen groans and tries to hurry Jared up.

Jared struggles to laugh but every time he does, he winces hard. “I would make fun of you so much right now if I wasn’t in pain.”

“Wanna play, hot stuff?” Another girl yells and now Jensen sees a volleyball being tossed among them.

“This is why I’m gay.” Jensen explains. “Girls are aggressive and scary.”

“But they think you’re hot. At least you’re not bleeding all over yourself right now.”

Jensen pats Jared on the shoulder and leaves his hand there until they reach their building. Five minutes later Jared drops onto Jensen’s couch and leans back carefully, his head propped up on pillows and Jensen’s shirt still held to his nose. Jensen leaves him there while he goes to the kitchen and grabs a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and some towels with some warm water and tissues.

“Okay, you’re gonna have to let me see.” Jensen pulls up the coffee table and sits down right besides Jared’s head. He feels weird without his shirt on, probably because the guy on his couch is built like a gigantor and while Jensen is proud of his body, his chest isn’t as defined as Jared’s. Although, the chicks at the park might not mind and that lifts his self esteem right up.

Jared still has his eyes closed and it doesn’t seem like the amount of pain is too bad, but he still flinches as the blood soaked t-shirt is lifted away.

“That was my favorite one.” Jensen says smiling, tossing the ruined material to the side. “Now it looks like road kill.”

“Sucks so bad for you,” Jared groans and Jensen can see bruising starting to form under his eyes.

“You sure you don’t want to go to the doctor?” Jensen asks, smoothing the hair from Jared’s forehead and wiping his nose carefully with the damp towel. He keeps stroking his hair until Jensen realizes what he’s doing and pulls away.

“I’m not some pansy.”

Jensen grabs the tissue, twisting it before gently shoving it up Jared’s nostril. “Never said you were. Here, hold onto these peas and the swelling should go down. We’ll see how you are in an hour.”

“Is it cool if I chill here for awhile? Feels like I’m gonna fall asleep.” Jared admits quietly, gets more comfortable and sighs, overcome with mixture of shock and a throbbing face. “Want me to go to my place?”

Jensen can’t help it. His fingers find their way back to Jared’s hair, carding through his bangs, slow and soothing. “Nah, man. Just sleep. I got ya.”

“Mmm. Thanks, Jen.” He turns his head towards Jensen, gives a little smile and blinks slowly, staring for awhile before his eyes drop.

It won’t be the first time Jared falls asleep at Jensen’s place.


Jared gets made fun of profusely at work the next day with a big bandage over his nose and tells Jensen all about it over some pork chops late that night after he’d had a long day of meeting with clients.

“So I told ‘em all I was in a fight, you know, trying to be the good guy and break it up and then all the girls were like, oh my god Jared you are soooo sweet and such a cool guy and practically a super hero--”

“Uh.” Jensen interrupts. “I doubt that’s what they said.”

“Well pretty much. I know it’s what they were thinkin’ anyway.”

Jensen takes a big bite of mashed potatoes and starts thinking about the hot girls at Jared’s office who probably throw themselves at him all the time.

“Why don’t you go out with one of ‘em?”

Jared stops eating, which doesn’t happen too often, totally confused. “One of who?”

“One of the girls from work. They seem interested enough in your big dumb hairy ass.”

“Woah. My ass is not hairy. And besides, I’m not about to dip my pen in company ink. Not gonna screw up something I’ve worked so hard for.”

“Your pen, huh?” Jensen lips twitch, trying not to say something really dirty. Apparently, Jared has a mind just as pornographic.

Jared gets this evil little smile as he picks up his beer, says slowly, “Yep. My ten inch pen. And that’s on a bad day,” before he takes a sip.

Jensen nearly chokes, has to cover his mouth with his napkin before he sprays food all over the table. Jesus fucking Christ, Jared is going to kill him. Jensen immediately gets hard under the table and knows it’ll take a few minutes before he’ll be able to get up without sporting a tent in his pants.

And Jared just laughs and laughs, eats up Jensen’s discomfort all he can. “You wanna hear more about my pen, Jensen?”

“No!” Jensen almost shouts. “You’re such a freak!”

“Missin’ out then.” Jared teases and shovels more food in his mouth. “Just sayin’.”

Jensen can just shake his head in amusement and keep quiet.

They call it a night since both of them have to get up early and Jared might actually get to do some accounting tomorrow. It’s become a ritual that around eleven, right before Jensen falls into deep sleep, there comes a light pound on the shared wall and Jensen does a double thud back. Sometimes Jensen does the first knock and Jared will do the second, and it’s an odd feeling, knowing Jared is sleeping right on the other side of the wall, so close but so far away at the same time.

Around two in the morning Jensen snaps awake at the sound of his cell phone. Who the hell could be texting him now?

Jared: The guy on the other side of me

Jared: Alarm going off. It’s so loud.

Jared: Ten fucking minutes now

Jared: help

Jensen groans, rubs his hands up and down his face to try and comprehend what the hell is happening. He finally texts back.

Jensen: Just come over. Use your key. Not getting up.

He falls back to sleep in the minute it takes Jared to come over until he hears the front door open and close, and Jared must go for the couch because Jensen doesn’t hear another peep. He can’t stop thinking about that long ass body of his trying to sleep for another few hours comfortably. An hour or two might be okay, but Jensen knows the sofa isn’t that great.

“Jared!” He calls out, hoarse from a rough throat.


“Just come up here, man. I ain’t gonna bite your skinny ass.”

There’s silence and then movements on the stairs. Jared’s dark figure appears at the bedroom doorway.

“Huh?” Jared sounds small and sleepy, and he’s scratching his bare chest, pajama pants hanging off his hips, a little too short at the ankles.

Jensen yawns and scoots over to one side of the bed. “Wanna prove how anti – un - homophobic you are?”

“Yes, yes, yes, so fucking tired.” Jared crawls into bed without a second thought and settles quickly. After a minute, “Alarm set?”

“Yeah, set for six thirty.”

Jared answers with a snore. If Jensen weren’t so tired he’d watched him just for a few minutes, knowing that this is a rare chance, but it’s too soon that sleep overcomes him as well.

The next morning should be awkward but it isn’t. Jared just rolls out of bed, thanks Jensen for letting him crash and shuffles out the door. Jensen spends a few minutes thinking about the fact that his crush was just in his bed. It was nice to sleep with someone again, to have that closeness, even if it didn’t mean anything at all.

Jensen knows he isn’t supposed to think like that anymore, to want something he’s so afraid of. And deep down, he’s a little disappointed in himself for forgetting, even just for a second, that missing someone can only lead to bad things.

It’s a damn good thing Jared is safe.


A few days later Jensen is relaxing, sated from a good meal and is tired from a long week. He hasn’t seen Jared in awhile and thinks maybe he can sneak in some quality time with his TiVo.

He’s really getting into his show, totally caught up in the drama and can’t look away, even ignores his phone when it rings in favor of the train wreck in front of him.

Then Jared bursts through his front door.

“Jesus, don’t you knock?” Jensen scrambles to find the remote and turn the channel. He’s not as smooth as he probably could’ve been and that just comes across suspicious.

“Sometimes,” Jared says. “But not when I’m about to go on a wing run and I’ll know you’ll want some of mine if I don’t get extra.”

“I’m good, man. Already ate.”

“Already ate?” Jared frowns, looks a little hurt that he wasn’t included, but hot damn Jensen can’t plan his entire night around inviting Jared for dinner. Even though now that he thinks about it, maybe they’ve been eating more dinners together than he does alone.

“Yeah, was starving when I got home.”

“Oh.” Jared’s shoulders kind of slump, but then his mouth is doing the twitchy thing it does when he’s trying not to smile. “Jen… what were you watching?”

“Nothing.” Jensen says way too fast. Fuck, he’s so caught.

“Yeah?” Jared circles the couch slow and then dives for the remote. “So you won’t mind if recall?”

Jensen makes a not so masculine noise and tries to wrestle Jared but when he hears the theme song for Housewives of Beverly Hills, he knows it’s over.

“Oh no. No. No. No. No.” Jared laughs as he turns the volume up. “Jensen you should be so embarrassed with yourself right now!”

“God, shut up!” Jensen moans and launches himself to get the remote. He ends up practically in Jared’s lap, squirming to get at it and Jared eventually shoves him to the floor, still laughing his stupid ass off.

“I’ll leave you to your precious show, princess. I’m sure you don’t wanna miss one second of that kid’s pink birthday party.”

Jensen just glares and holds up his middle finger.

“Hey, check out the rack on her.” And now Jared’s watching the screen with this glazed, dumb look on his face.

“Mmm hmm. Just wait till they get to the pool.” Jensen says. “Sometimes the twins almost pop out.”

“Nice.” Jared watches for a few more minutes, until a commercial comes on. He looks guilty when Jensen sits back with a smirk.

“Let me guess. You wanna stay and watch the rest.”

“It’s good for me to keep up on these kinda things. I mean, I work in an office filled with females who watch this shit and I need to be able to converse about it. Really, it’s for my career, Jensen.” Jared plops himself down on the couch and kicks his feet up.

“Jared?” Jensen says. “Do you hear yourself sometimes?”

“Hear what?”

“The complete bullshit that comes out of your mouth.”

That offends Jared. “Is bullshit the same thing as awesome?”

Jensen just shakes his head and turns up the volume once the show comes back on. “No, it’s not. You should be a fucking lawyer with your crazy ass logic.”

“I woulda made a kick ass lawyer.” Jared sighs. “Too bad I’m not as smart as you.”

“You’re plenty smart, Jared. More than you give yourself credit for.”

Nothing much is said after that. They both make fun of the show and laugh, but Jared is quieter than normal and something just seems off. Maybe they’re spending too much time together. Or maybe Jensen’s working too much and Jared finally realizes that Jensen isn’t great friend material. Maybe Jared wants to pull away and just doesn’t know how. But then why would he come over all the time, seeking out Jensen’s company?

Still, the thought of losing Jared’s friendship hits Jensen low in the gut. He’s getting too attached and this feeling is unwelcomed, unfamiliar and Jensen hates that he let himself get this close. Jared’s personality is addicting though and Jensen admits that he’s becoming a victim to his charm.

It’s a good that Jared is straight or Jensen would be in way over his head.


Jensen’s at work, going over some legal briefs, when Jared texts him. It’s been a long day, clients bitching and whining about not getting what they want in settlements, and his other partner lost a huge case – one that Jensen had helped him with and now they’re trying to figure out what went wrong. In the meantime, Jensen is trying not to lose his shit. Maybe it’s time for a vacation.

Jared: Gym after work today?

Jensen: It’s gonna be a late one

Jared: You work too hard. What time is late?

Jensen: At least after 7

Jared: L

Jensen: I have to get this shit done.

Jared: Want me to bring you a sandwich or something?

Jensen smiles at his phone. It’s just what he needed to get out of his funk. Someone’s finally offering him some help instead of demanding everything from him today.

Jensen to Jared: It’s cool, thanks though. Be home later

Jared to Jensen: K, c ya

Jensen works faster and actually ends up making home at a decent hour. He and Jared go to the gym together and after a good run on the treadmill, his friend gabbing the whole time at his side, the day’s crappiness lifts from Jensen’s shoulders, along with the tension and stress that had been building since the morning.


Jensen has known Jared for a little more than a year before “the night that shall never be mentioned” happens.

Alcohol is involved. Specifically tequila, and Jensen drinks way too much of it. Also, crazy amounts of beer.

“The night that shall never be mentioned” happens on a Friday. It had been a bitch of a week and Jensen has nothing planned for his weekend except some serious relaxing and maybe some laundry, but chores can easily wait until Sunday afternoon.

Jared’s kind of in a sour mood and it’s not until Jensen turns up the radio and puts his kiss the cook apron on before Jared finally starts to loosen up and joke around. Rick arrives a little after the grill gets fired up, along with Aaron and Craig. Nick knocks on the door a few minutes after, a six pack under his arm as a peace offering for making Jared’s nose bleed a few weeks ago.

It’s still slightly awkward between Nick and Craig but now Nick is actually seriously dating Craig’s sister so it must have been smoothed out a little. Either way, Jensen’s not about to bring it up.

The game is on and the guys make themselves comfortable in Jensen’s living room, commenting on how nice it is to be sitting on actual furniture, a nice little stab to Jared about his place.

“Hey, I like sitting on the floor.” Jared says and if he’s insulted, no one can tell. He stretches, like usual, spreading his long legs out. “It’s the only I place I fit.”

With a plate full of food and a beer, Jensen steps over Jared’s legs to make his way to the recliner Jared’s leaning against.  He immediately loses interest in the TV for Jensen’s French fries.

“Ever think about getting your own?”

“No.” Jared smiles with a mouthful. “This is way better.”

Jensen sneaks a glance to the guys on the couch and fortunately their eyes are glued to the set. In fact, they don’t even seem surprised that Jared’s practically in Jensen’s lap, eating from his plate, smiling like it’s the best thing ever.

And then Jensen gets it. And he feels like an asshole for not figuring it out sooner. What an idiot he’s been. Jared’s like this with everyone, not just him.

Jared’s all feely, and grabby, and funny and perfect and all this time Jensen kind of thought it was for him. But nope, it’s just the way Jared is.

And Jensen’s a fucking idiot.

The guys don’t give a weird look or raise their eyebrows, even when Jared puts his head on Jensen’s knee for a half a second like it’s a damn pillow and the realization just sucks.

But it really does make sense. Jensen has to keep reminding himself that Jared’s straight and this just puts all perspectives right into place. It’s the reality check that he needed now for awhile.

So after that little tidbit of insight and after observing Jared be just as touchy with his other friends as he is with Jensen. Well, it’s then that the tequila rears its ugly head.

The guys hoot and holler at the basketball game all the way to the end. They eat practically everything in the fridge and drink all the beer Jensen had, even the extra few bottles hidden on the bottom shelf. The night goes by super fast and Jared’s way more sober than Jensen would like him to be. Jensen can get really chatty if he’s been drinking and is terrified of what he’ll say tonight, even as he downs a fourth shot.

They all agree to meet at the park early Sunday morning for a b-ball game as Rick, Aaron, Craig, and Nick leave and Jensen notices how instantly quieter it is now. He gives Nick a friendly slap on the back before the door shuts and the guy proved himself tonight to not be the total douche Jensen thought he was. Maybe Craig’s sister is keeping him in line.

As Jensen surveys the mess in his house with the walls slightly spinning, he watches Jared move from the floor to the now vacant couch and yawn loudly. Jensen better sit down too before he falls down. His knee brushes against Jared’s as he sprawls out, arms and legs feeling loose and heavy.

More shots are an order. There’re three more before Jensen starts a full blown drunken ramble and he’s pretty sure that all he’ll remember in the morning is Jared’s amused expression.

But for now he’s decided to bring up Noah and for what reason exactly, Jensen will never figure out. Maybe because it’s Noah’s birthday next week and Jensen used to make it such an ordeal, a production that was fun and exciting, a time he doesn’t think Noah ever really appreciated.

“And he was perfect, you know? Like not really perfect, but good enough for me to be with for awhile. And okay, so we didn’t get along that great in the end but it was still nice.”

“What was nice?” Jared asks.


“What was nice, Jen?” And if Jensen didn’t know any better, he’d swear Jared was egging him on.

“I don’t know. It was nice coming home to someone in the house n’shit. Because we lived together. So he was there, too, where we lived. Together. And having dinner with someone who at least pretended to care because Noah told me plenty of times I was boring as fuck and I think he just put up with me talking about work ‘cause he wanted to get laid. Eventually I quit talking so much. It was depressing anyway. And so yeah, it was nice. Know what I mean?”

“Not really. You kinda just said depressing and nice in the same sentence. Maybe you should be more specific.”

“H-uh?” Jensen has the hiccups now and sucks in a sharp breath every two seconds.

“Tell me what else you liked.”

“About w-hat?”

“About being in a relationship.”

“Um-m.” Jensen tries to think but his head is so fucking foggy. “I dunno. Like sleeping with someone. Not like, sex but having someone to fall asleep with. That was awesome. And holding hands, ‘specially during a movie. And just layin’ with someone on the couch I guess.”

“Like cuddling?”

Jensen waits for Jared to laugh, but he doesn’t.

“Hmm? Oh yeah. I guess.”

This time Jared does snicker. “That’s a little girly.”

“Well last time I checked I didn’t have a vagina.”

“Did you check lately? Because I’m pretty sure everything you just said might’ve broadcasted directly from your ovaries.”

“Fuck you.” Jensen says. Slurs. Same thing. “Maybe I’m in touch with my emotions, Mr. Macho-man-jackass.”

“Maybe it’s that time of the month.”

“Maybe your face wants to say hi to my fist.”

“Maybe you need a boyfriend. You’re getting a little testy.”

“Maybe… whatever. Maybe I do.” Jensen yawns loudly and closes his eyes. “Too tired to fight.”

“Maybe you should get some sleep.” Jared burrows himself more into the couch pillows. “Maybe I should go.”

“Maybe.” Jensen says softly, unsure and then in barely a whisper, “Maybe I’m just a little lonely.”

“You don’t have to be lonely anymore, Jen.”

Jensen had thought Jared was asleep, but he was wrong. “I’m damaged, Jay. No one’s gonna want a guy who’s scared of commitment.”

“How can you be lonely and scared of being with someone at the same time? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“What I want and what I can’t do are two very different things.”

Jared yawns again and looks at him with tired eyes. He’s gorgeous like this, guard down, relaxed and going along with stupid drunken conversation. The fact that he hasn’t run home yet means a lot more than it probably should. “What do you want? C’mon, describe the perfect guy according to you.”

Jensen can feel the alcohol in his veins, strong and spiking his adrenaline to take a chance. He slides his foot over Jared’s so their toes are rubbing together. “He’d have to be nice, of course. And be able to put up with me. And funny, he’d have to be really funny.  I like a guy with big feet, even bigger hands,” Jensen glances down, speaking softly, reaching to play with Jared’s fingers, sliding up and down each one slowly and then tickling his palm. “Long legs, thick calves, golden tan skin,” Jensen stops to brush the back of his knuckles up Jared’s arm, cup his elbow and continue to his shoulder, hand slipping under the sleeve of his t-shirt.

Jared’s voice is thick, rough and his breathing is shallow. “What else?”

“Narrow hips are a big turn on.” Jensen says, other hand inching its way around Jared’s waist. “Flat stomach, good chest, nice neck for me to suck on,” After every mentioned part, Jensen’s hands somehow find their way to the same place on Jared’s body. “I love giving hickies, did’y know that, Jay? I like kissing on the mouth too, gotta have lips made for kissing. Dimples don’t hurt either.” Jensen’s face is so close to Jared’s now, his nose tickles down the length of Jared’s temple.

“I like crazy colored eyes, blues and greens. Nice hair, long enough so I can get a good grip when we’re fuckin’ nice n’slow.” His fingers lock around Jared’s curls and tug forward, hard enough for their foreheads bump together.

Jared snaps out of his daze and rubs his head, cringing. “Smooth, Jensen. Geez.”

Jensen gaps at his own stupidity, immediately sobering up some. Did that just really happen? He prays for the couch to open up and swallow him, anything to get him away from this night that’s gone horribly wrong. “Sorry, don’t know what the hell got into me.”

“I do, too much damn tequila. No more for you.”

“I didn’t mean to like… touch you. Or whatever. And fuck you, I need one more shot.” Jensen grabs the bottle of whatever is closest to him and tips his head back, sputtering when it’s too much and almost choking.

“You’re a hot mess.” Jared says sadly, then instantly more brightly, “I’ll be sure to remind you of everything tomorrow so you can die of shame!”

“I hate you.”

“You’ll hate me even more if I don’t take this away from you right now.”

Jensen remembers pouting and falling asleep on the floor.


Which is exactly where he wakes up the next morning, completely embarrassed and a few hours later when Jared comes over, Jensen threatens to end him if he ever mentions that night again.

Jared laughs it up and swears, crosses his heart and forgives Jensen for molesting him.

Jensen figures he lost a little of his dignity, but at least it was only in front of Jared and not the rest of the guys.

Still. What he said and did last night never fucking happened. And when Jared mentions that he’s pretty sure Jensen described him as the perfect guy, Jensen denies it until he’s blue in the face, trying to convince Jared he was talking about someone else.

Jared must take pity on him and finally accepts the lame lie only to shut Jensen up. They wallow in their hangovers until late that evening, Jared making cracks about tan skin and awesome calves, all the while showing off his legs and lifting his shirt up to expose the flattest belly Jensen’s ever seen. He kicks Jared out soon after so he can go whack off in peace, swearing he can still hear Jared’s teasing laughter next door.


Jared’s grouchy mood has been growing considerably over the last couple weeks. At first Jensen thought that maybe Jared was just dealing with the transition from school to a job, but that was a few months ago. And now Jared’s been working at the office for awhile, and yeah, Jared was pissy that he wasn’t really doing anything at work but now he’s down right being a bitch.

And Jensen can’t figure out why. It’s frustrating as all hell. Plus Jared’s been disappearing right around dinner time at night and they haven’t seen much of each other for at least a few days.

“Hey you wanna go with me to get some wings? It’s Tuesday. Wings half off man, your favorite.”

Jared’s eyes are glued to the floor as he shakes his head, almost like he’s embarrassed. “Nah, that’s cool.”

“You sure? My treat.” Jensen throws the last of his socks in the washer and starts the machine. He never did get around to doing his laundry last weekend.

“I think I’m just gonna pound the pavement for awhile. I’ll check you later.” With that, Jared leaves with a soft click of the front door behind him.

Jensen stares at it for awhile, listens as Jared goes into his own house; lies about going for a run. Why’d he come over anyway? He was here for five minutes, all sad and sulky, didn’t want to get dinner and then leaves.

There’s not much to do about it. Jensen can’t go over there and demand that Jared tell him what’s wrong. So the only thing that really can be done is to go get some wings and text Jared to get his ass back over here and stop being such a grouchy ass.

Jensen does just that. He gets about as many buckets of wings he thinks he can get away with without the chick behind the counter rolling her eyes. He’s home within a few minutes and knocks on Jared’s door, struggles to not drop a few pounds of  barbeque all over the ground.

Jensen knocks again, waits and then yells out, “Jared! Where you at? I can’t eat these all by myself! I’m not you.” He waits another few seconds before kicking the door and going to his place. Maybe Jared ended up going for a run after all.

Munching on a celery stick, Jensen puts his wet clothes in the dryer and then flips his phone open.

Jensen: I got wings. Come n’get ‘em

After a few minutes there’s still no response and now Jensen’s just a little irritated.

Jensen: More for me. See you tomorrow

The wings don’t taste nearly as good as they do when there are dirty napkins all over the table and Jared’s up to his elbows in sauce.


On the way to work Thursday morning Jensen notices that Jared obnoxious big black truck isn’t in the parking lot. It’s early in the morning and usually Jared leaves after Jensen so it’s a little weird, but Jensen doesn’t give it much thought. He’s so exhausted by the time he gets home that night, he doesn’t even notice that it’s still not there.

He does notice the truck is still missing the next morning and all the way to the office Jensen is trying to think of anything Jared might’ve said he was doing this weekend.  Maybe he was going out of town or had to get the truck fixed or something. Whatever it is, Jensen can’t for the life of him remember and gives up by the time he walks to the elevator of his building.

It’s Friday and Jensen can’t wait to get home.  Unfortunately his client won’t stop calling him every two seconds about more alimony. More child support. More money. More. More. More. Apparently three thousand dollars a month isn’t enough from her husband, but maybe if she gets his retirement plan she’ll settle.

By the time seven o’clock rolls around Jensen is just done with this day. With another fucked up week behind him, all he can think about is beer, steak, and his stupid neighbor who won’t return any of his texts.

Jensen’s so tired he ends up calling ahead at the diner by his place for two steaks and baked potatoes, runs across the street for a six pack and calls it a night.  He had forgotten though, that Jared might not be home and when he sees that the truck is still gone a sinking feeling replaces the tired and hungry he was just a few seconds ago.

He knocks on Jared’s door before going into his own place and dumping the food on the table. It’s a relief when he hears the screen door open and footsteps follow a few seconds later.

“Hey, man. Where you been?”

Jared sighs heavily and sinks into one of the kitchen chairs. “Around. Just thinking about shit.”

“Everything okay?”

Jensen notices the difference in Jared’s posture right away. The slouch of his shoulders, the tension in his neck, the stress making his veins more distinct in his arms. He let his beard grow out and his bangs are falling in his eyes. Jensen would call him a hairy beast, but now’s obviously not the time.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jared says and it’s a façade that Jensen can see right through. He’ll let it go for now because that’s what guys do. When the time is right, he knows Jared will tell him what’s going on.

“Got some dinner. You in?”

Jared brightens slightly at that. “You don’t mind?”

“Duh. Got some for both of us.” He begins to open containers and spreads the food out on the table. “Hey where’s your truck? It’s not in the lot.”

Jared stiffens and bows his head again. “Oh um. Nick had to borrow it. Had to move something big.”

It’s a lie and that’s not cool. That’s crossing the line. Jensen’s about to call him out on it when Jared’s cell phone rings. He rolls his eyes, which means it’s his mom.

“Hey ma.”

Jensen turns to give him the illusion of privacy and opens the fridge. Damn, he’s out of steak sauce. “You got some A1 at your place?” He whispers.

Jared covers the mouth piece and says, “Yeah, door’s open.” Then a scold must come from his mother. “Yeah, ma, I’m listening. It should be there in a few days, I sent it yesterday… Yes, mom. I called Uncle Frank for his birthday.”

The door to Jared’s place has a stick to it and Jensen always has to push on it hard. He stumbles in the darkness and knows right where the light switch is because it’s the same at his house. The sun is going down, setting off a soft glow in the kitchen and Jensen heads right for the fridge.

Jared absolutely has steak sauce. Of course he does. But that’s about all he has besides a jar of old pickles and an open can of tuna. Out of curiosity, Jensen opens the freezer door and doesn’t find the frozen fruit Jared uses to make smoothies in the morning. He doesn’t find the popsicles or ice cream or any meat that Jared usually keeps on hand. What he does find are a lot Healthy Choice frozen dinners.

Jensen opens the pantry too, because now he’s just confused to where all the food has gone. Surly, Jared is not on a diet. There’s not an ounce of fat on that body. There’s a box of crackers and some macaroni and that’s all he finds in the normally very packed pantry.

The A1 sauce is sitting on the counter and Jensen grabs it before leaving. He stops in his tracks when he notices the television and play station are gone, in its place loose wires and emptiness.

What the fuck is going on?

Jensen slams the door after he leaves and closes his mouth when he sees Jared’s still sitting at the table talking to his mom.

“Well maybe you should try that doctor that we heard about on the radio. You know Jeff and Megan will take you whenever you want. I know it’s expensive but…. Yeah, okay. Yes, I’m eating.”

At that, Jensen narrows his eyes at Jared and looks for signs that he actually has been feeding himself. He already has a thin waist, jeans practically hanging off his nonexistent hips. But his shoulders still look strong, fit and muscular.

He’s still studying Jared’s body when he hangs up the phone and gives Jensen a weird look. “We eating or what?”


“What’s up with you?”

“What’s up with me?” Oh no. Jensen can start to hear the frustration in his voice. “What the hell is up with you, my friend?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“Did your house get robbed or something? Because the TV and the play station are gone. Not to mention all the food. So either something’s going on with you or you got taken by a well fed thief who is now awesome at video games.”

Jared flinches but Jensen doesn’t stop at that, he's now in full on lawyer mode. “You’ve been pissy for a few weeks now, like you’re depressed and gonna off yourself any minute but I know you won’t because you’re not that stupid, am I right? Jay?” He doesn’t give him a chance to answer. “And I know you. Don’t forget that I know you now, better than you think I do and I can tell when you’re miserable.”

“I’m not miserable.” Jared manages in a small voice.

“Oh yeah? You don’t wanna do anything anymore.” Jensen’s almost shrieking now.

Jared lifts his eyes. “Not true.”

“Bullshit.” Jensen starts to count on his fingers to prove the point. “You don’t wanna go to the bar, you don’t wanna go eat anywhere, two weeks ago you didn’t even wanna see that freaky movie you’ve been waiting forever to come out, you don’t wanna go to the gym anymore. Hell, you don’t wanna even come over here and have dinner.  What the fuck, man? Did I do something to piss you off?”

“No. Jesus, no.” Jared says, now avoiding any eye contact. “That’s not it.”

“Will you just tell me then? Please? Let’s not be chicks about this.”

“Fine.” And finally Jensen can see what Jared’s been hiding because it’s written all over his face.


“You wanna know why I don’t want to go anywhere? Because I’m fucking broke, Jensen. I have like, a hundred dollars in my checking account right now. I can’t afford going out, I felt bad about you always paying for food, and I canceled my gym membership, I sold my TV, oh and I lied about the truck. Nick doesn’t have it. I sold it a yesterday to catch up on my rent. I’ll have to take the bus and ride my bike everywhere.  So there, you happy now?”

“God damn, Jay why didn’t you say something?”

“Because of that pity frown on your face right now. Didn’t want to see it.”

Jensen instantly makes his expression neutral. “That’s not good enough.”

“Can we just not talk about this?”

“Um. No.” Jensen doesn’t want to but the only thing he can think to do is lock his jaw and put his hands on his hips. “Why’re you so broke anyway? You have a good paying job. Wait, don’t tell me you got canned!”

“No, no. Nothing like that. Look, can we at least eat while I tell you? I haven’t had a decent meal in awhile. I’ve been living on frozen dinners because they were on sale.”

Jensen deflates at that. “Yeah, of course.” He grabs some forks and knives, sits down and waits. He lost his appetite right about the time Jared said he canceled his gym membership. Jared loves going to the gym.

“So remember when I told you that my mom is sick? It’s more serious than we thought and we all have to chip in on the medical bills. My brother and sister can’t afford it so we’ve all been helping and I’ve been sending a check every week.”

“Oh.” Jensen feels bad for yelling now.

“And it’s been almost a year since school ended so now I have to start paying my loans back.”


“And well, I put some expenses on my credit card and that was getting outta control so I had to sell my truck and--”

“Stop eating?”

“It’s not like I’m starving or anything. I just had to cut back on a few things. Wow, this steak is really fucking good.”

Jensen takes a few bites of his meat, says he’s full and puts the rest on Jared’s plate.

He doesn’t really notice and keeps talking. “I used to be able to afford rent with my savings and loans and now that money’s not coming in. And I guess if I can’t figure out something soon I’ll have to move back to California and in with my mom or--”

“But you hate California and your mom drives you crazy.” Jensen says is a rush full of panic, his chest tightening with the thought of losing Jared.

Jared shrugs. “Or I could get a second job.”

“But you’re already exhausted when you get home and you’ll have no life if you do that.”

“Well, Jen.” It comes out a little exasperated. “I’m all ears for more suggestions.”

Jensen doesn’t hesitate at all. “I’ll loan you some money.”

Neither does Jared. “No. Nope. No way. Not a chance in hell.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because… because…” Jared searches for words while Jensen watches with satisfied amusement.


“Because I don’t want you to.”

“Again.” Jensen’s tone is deep and stern. “Not good enough.”

“Look, that’ll just cause problems and I already have enough shit to worry about. I don’t want anything to come between…” Jared gestures between them. “Whatever. And then it’ll become awkward and we won’t hang out anymore and it would take me awhile to pay you back anyway and I just don’t see how that could make anything better.”

“Just to get you caught up.” Jensen says. “So you don’t have to move or get a second job.”

“Why do you even care?”

“How can you ask that, you dumbass? Because we’re friends. You know I can’t say that about anyone else. What’s money between friends, huh? Just money. It doesn’t have to be weird at all. Just take it.”

Jared scoffs. “I think you’re underestimating how much I would need.”

Jensen doesn’t take the bait. He looks at Jared dead in the eye as he makes his way to the desk and grabs his check book, writes out a check and hands it over. Just like that.

“I’m in a lot of debt, Jensen. And --” Jared stops when he takes the check and reads it. “This would… get me out of it.”

“So good.” Jensen grins. “Take it. Buy some food. Get a beat up car. Pay your credit card bills. Do whatever you need to do.”

“I doubt it would be that easy.” Jared gets up from the table and shakes his head, leaves the check near his cleaned plate. “Thanks for dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Jensen doesn’t move, doesn’t want to push Jared further away and tries to hide the desperation in his voice. “Just think about it. Jared, please just sleep on it. Please. It’s not that big a deal.”

He can’t really tell but Jensen is only a little certain that he saw Jared nod as he leaves.

The check stays on the kitchen table and later that night, after Jensen gets into bed, he waits for the knock to come on his bedroom wall. It never does.


The chime of his cell phone wakes Jensen up the next morning, startling him good enough to sit up straight in his bed with arms failing a bit.

A text from Jared that reads I have an idea at nine in the morning on a Saturday is never good.

Jensen moans into his pillow before he hears the front door open and Jared’s rather large body practically fly up the staircase.

“Seriously?” Jensen’s grumpy in the mornings and it doesn’t matter that his friend is a little delicate right now. “This is what our friendship has come to?”

“What’s the problem?” Jared asks, sincerely confused. He sits cross legged on the bed like it’s the most natural thing in the world. His beard is almost full blown now, the thinner parts becoming thicker with hair. He’s wearing a thin undershirt that has to be about a century old and pajama pants with ducks on them.

“Uh, I could be naked under here.” Jensen pulls at the sheets to cover his bare chest. He always wears boxer briefs to bed and last night was no exception, but still.

Jared raises his eyebrows with a smile, still not understanding. “Well are you?”

“No.  But I could be.”

“Are you done having a girl moment so I can tell you my idea now?”

“Fine.” Jensen gets up, modesty forgotten, goes to wash his face and brush his teeth while Jared starts to talk, then crawls right back into bed and closes his eyes.

“So I was thinking about taking the money you offered last night…”

“Good. Perfect. I would’ve made you anyway.”

Jared takes a deep breath, he’s nervous, and Jensen can’t see him but he’s sure there’s twisting of fingers going on. “And I was thinking maybe I could give you something in return.”

Jensen’s so comfortable right now, pillow in that perfect spot right under his cheek. He can’t even be bothered to look up. “That’s great but you don’t have anything that I want. No offense, but the cheese crumbs under your couch aren’t exactly bargaining material, am I right?” He laughs at his own joke and settles more into the bed.

“Well that’s not exactly true, is it Jensen?”

And that voice. Jensen’s never heard that voice from Jared before. It’s a low and teasing and kinda… flirty. Whatever it is, it makes Jensen finally turn over and now his eyebrows are raised. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’ll take the money if you let me be… your faux boyfriend.” The last part comes out really fast in a mumble.

“Huh?” Jensen is also not very elegant in the mornings.

“You said yourself that you miss having a boyfriend--”

“I never said that.”

Jared tilts his head and smiles. “Remember that night of the game when you got drunk and--”

“Okay, okay, okay. Stop.” Goddammit, Jensen’s never drinking again. “I might’ve said something like that but I’m too busy to get into a relationship right now.”

“Exactly!” Jared scoots closer and his movements are eager, excited in a way that Jensen hasn’t seen for a few months, the stress of having less and less money going on longer than Jensen had thought. “That’s why this will be perfect! I can fill the boyfriend void you have, and not all of it because that would be kinda weird, but some of the stuff you mentioned like, I don’t know, holding hands n’cuddling n’shit like that. I could do that stuff and you wouldn’t be tied into something you don’t have time for, ya know?”

It’s so ridiculous. It’s so fucking stupid. It’s so absurd that all Jensen can think to say is, “Jared, you’re not gay.”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? You don’t want a relationship right now and it wouldn’t be a real one anyway. So who cares as long as it feels good.”

There’s nothing Jensen can do except to stare and let his mouth hang open.

“I was up all night thinking about it. I wouldn’t feel too bad about taking your money when I can be paying you back like this for now. And we get along great so it’s not like it’s a hardship being in my company or anything. It’ll just be like we’re hanging out like usual, except there will be more touching. And you always try to cop a feel during basketball games anyway and it doesn’t gross me out or anything.”

Jensen tries to protest at that but gets cut off.

“Don’t lie, Jen. You totally grope me when you can. You know I don’t gross you out either, obviously, especially since you tried to feel me up when you were drunk. And maybe I can spend the night sometimes… remember when I did that one time when the alarm was going off next door? It wasn’t weird at all. And we already have dinner together practically every night so that wouldn’t be anything new. So… what’d ya say? Jen?”

Jensen has a few options he quickly runs through in his mind. First, he’s very tempted to laugh. Extremely long and loud. Because this shit? Is the funniest shit he’s heard all year. Second he could be really offended. Is he so pathetic that he has to pay someone to proposition him? That’s sad and depressing on so many levels. Third choice. Jensen could just go with it. Tell Jared that yes, he’ll do whatever he wants for him to take the damn money and be done with it. This whole charade of Jared’s will eventually fade out and be forgotten. But in the mean time, he’ll at least have some money to get out of debt.

Jensen’s still debating in his head, trying to think of the best way to let Jared down easy and let him know he doesn’t have to go through all this to take the check. Jared’s face is so hopeful and anxious though, it’s not going to be simple.

“Okay, let’s just try it.” Jared holds his hands out like Jensen’s a wild animal about to be spooked. “Lemme just…” he gets under the covers and stretches out, positioning himself right in the middle of the bed.

Jensen keeps on staring, wide eyed and in awe.

He gently pulls Jensen on top of his chest and wraps his arms around Jensen’s back, squeezing a little and then relaxing his large hands. “See? This isn’t bad at all, right? It’s kinda nice.”

“Um.” Jensen’s still in shock, not able at all to hide his surprise and finally just slumps down on Jared’s chest instead of holding himself away. It’s strange and awkward, but he doesn’t say anything.

“There we go. Knew it wouldn’t take much persuasion, you shy little lamb.”

Jensen hasn’t said anything this whole time and tries to find his voice. “Uh. Jay?”

“Shhhh. We’ll sleep now. Then we can talk later.” And then Jared pulls Jensen even closer, arms hugging tighter and when his hands starts to slid up into Jensen’s hair, kneading softly with those long fingers…

Well, maybe this isn’t such a bad idea after all.


After two hours of the most peaceful sleep ever, it all still doesn’t seem that bad an idea.


“Did you call me a shy little lamb?”

Jared wakes with a start and looks utterly confused as to where exactly he is and who is lying in his arms. The odd thing is, once he figures it out he doesn’t seem to mind at all.

“Mmm? Oh yeah, I think that I did.”

“Well that’s just rude.” Jensen gives a good slap to Jared’s stomach and lifts himself up.

Jared gives a disgruntled whimper and pulls him back down. “Where you goin’? Stay awhile, darlin’.”

Jensen shakes his head, completely amused, and throws the blankets off. It’s incredibly hot and Jared’s body takes up most of his bed with his long legs. “Little lamb… darlin’? Have you gone crazy?”

“Just crazy for you, babe.”

“Oh god. I’m getting up now before I die of humiliation. Who let you in my bed?” Jensen really does get up this time, kneeing Jared in the junk when he doesn’t let go.

“Aw, baby. Don’t be like that.” Jared smiles and puts his arms behind his head, looking rather comfortable and pleased with himself.

Jensen rolls his eyes on the way to the bathroom. He’ll let Jared have his fun for a few days and then this whole thing will blow over. “Seriously, Jay. I have shit to do today.”

“I know, I know.” He says, not moving to get up at all. “You and your stupid Saturday routine.”

“It’s not stupid.” Jensen stops to grab clean clothes from his closet. “I get shit done on Saturdays so I can have--”

“Sunday to relax, I know.”  Jared finally heaves his body out of bed and scratches at his beard. “So. What’re we doin’ today?”

“You gonna hang out?”

“I have no money and nothing to do. Yes, we’re hanging out.”

“Well first we can go to the bank and deposit your check.” Jensen says easily. “Then grocery store, dry cleaning, and then I have to build the bookshelf I bought.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jared walks across the room and leans in close, invades Jensen’s personal space and purses his lips like he’s going to…

“Woah. What the fuck?”

“Too far?”

“Way. Very seriously, over the top, way too far.”

Jared grins all sly and slow, his eyes drop to Jensen’s mouth. “But I’m a real good kisser, Jen. Real good.”

“Just go home and shower. I don’t know if I can take this all day. Jesus.”

Laughing, Jared goes on his way and leaves Jensen a little stiff in his briefs.

It’s gonna be a damn long day.


It turns out to be a really fun day. Doing boring errands with someone like Jared makes chores a little better. He talks the entire time Jensen drives around town, points out everything he likes at the grocery store and actually comes up with good ideas for dinner and lunches. Jensen was getting tired of his ham and cheese sandwich every day. He’s a good sport about waiting when Jensen’s suits weren’t quite ready to be picked up yet at the cleaner’s and helped put everything away when they got back home.

“Jared… you know you don’t have to do all this, right?” Jensen says, hoping it doesn’t come out wrong. He’s actually afraid of hurting Jared’s feelings for some reason.

“Yeah, I know. I had fun though. Wasn’t worrying all day about money problems, it was nice. And besides, it’s not like I haven’t hung with you on a Saturday before. I know what I’m in for.”

It’s really warm in the kitchen, even after Jensen opens the back door and lets fresh air in. The days are getting longer, the sun staying high in the sky and going down slowly behind the rolling hills in the distance. It means summer is near and the heat feels good, yellow rays warming the tile on the floor. Jensen can’t wait for the days when he can sit outside till its dark and not need a jacket.

“So can we take a nap or is it bookcase time?” Jared claps his hands together and the noise is sharp, cutting through the silence.

Jensen opens the closet where he keeps all of his tools. “If we take a nap now we’ll never be able to sleep tonight. And last time that happened we stayed up all night watching crappy eighty movies. Lemme get the tool box.”

“A nap would be so good right now.” Jared says through a yawn. “But you’re right, let me at this beast.”

“Upstairs, c’mon.”

The second bedroom is small and also serves as Jensen’s office when he has to work on a case. There are books stacked in a tall pile in the corner of the room, hence the reason for the huge box in the middle of the floor.

“Hey, why didn’t you get the big one?” Jared jokes, dropping to his knees and getting to work on cutting open the cardboard.

And that little fucker. He strips off his shirt and throws it to the corner, tosses his hair back and slips on the tool belt Jensen had brought up with him.

It looks like the scene from a really bad, yet really hot porno movie.

“Is there a reason you’re half naked right now?”

“Nah, not really. Other than the fact that I know you’re appreciating the view right now.” Jared deliberately stops to flex his arms. “And it’s hotter than hell up here.”

That’s true. The heat does rise in these townhomes and Jensen doesn’t have room to argue, not even against the impressive span of pure solid muscle across Jared’s back, his chest hard and defined, perky nipples and washboard abs.

Jensen pretends to read the instructions while he really checks out his hot neighbor. Adorable, is really the word that comes to mind, along with sexy and totally distracting.

“Jen? You gonna help or just watch the show?” And Jared knows exactly how distracting he is.

“Hey,” Jensen grabs a screwdriver and points it at Jared. “You turning into a male stripper wasn’t my idea in the first place.”

Jared glances up and smirks. “You don’t seem to be complaining.” He pulls all the parts from the box one by one and makes a neat stack. “And you’re still staring.”

“And you’re still a dork.” It’s the best line he can think of while Jared bends over, flashing his tight little ass in those even tighter jeans.

By the time they’re done building the bookshelf, which takes an hour longer because they put in half the shelves backwards, Jared is dripping with sweat. He’s practically glistening all over, the drops building in the middle of his collarbone and sliding ever so slowly down the length of his stomach, along the trenches of muscle and ending at the brown leather belt holding his pants up.

It’s a sinful scene but Jensen can’t look away.

Jared stands straight and tall after he puts the last book on the shelf. “So is that a hammer in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”

“Oh shut up.” They break out laughing and Jensen flips out his phone to order in dinner. “Pizza sound good?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna go jump in the shower. I stink so bad right now.”

“’Kay, it’ll be here in twenty anyway.” Jensen doesn’t comment on the musky smell Jared’s body is producing because it isn’t that bad at all. In fact, his deodorant or aftershave or whatever Jared uses is spicy and masculine, the scent spiked by his heat.

It takes Jared about ten minutes in the shower and he comes back over with fresh clothes on, soft and worn thin to sleep in. The pizza arrives shortly, there’s ice cold beer, and a zombie movie on. Overall, it’s a perfect ending to a great day.

“This movie’s pretty scary.” Jared says around a mouthful of food and winks. “I might have to sleep over.”

Jensen bets himself five dollars that Jared will end up falling asleep on the couch, so he doesn’t even bother to respond.

He’s right. Jared does fall asleep, not even half way through the movie. Jensen tosses a blanket over him, turns off all the lights and heads upstairs. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep too, it’s been a full day and he’s tired. He figures Jared will wake up in a few hours and go home.

He’s wrong. Jared does wake up and around midnight Jensen feels him slide into bed.

“Jay? What’s up?”

“Cuddle time!”

“Oh Jesus, seriously… this is weird.” Jensen admits. ”I feel like I’m paying for sex or something.”

“No sex. Just cuddling. Relax.” Jared wraps his arm around Jensen’s torso and pulls him in, tucking Jensen into the nook of his armpit. He nuzzles Jensen’s temple and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

A few seconds of silence pass and Jensen just can’t do it. “I can’t relax, Jared. This is really weird.”

“It’s only weird if you let it be. I don’t feel weird at all.”

“That’s because you are weird.”

“Nah. Shhh. Sleep time, my shy little lamb.”

“Oh my god.” That stupid nickname has to go. Jensen throws out a punch and it hits Jared hard in the gut.

He uses it to his advantage and tugs on Jensen’s arm so he falls onto his chest. “There, there, little lamb, don’t try to fight me.”

“I’m gonna kill you.”

“And I’m the big bad wolf.” Jared laughs and rubs his hairy cheek to Jensen’s. “Don’t front like you haven’t been wanting to make fun of my beard all day.”

“Git off me.” Jensen mumbles, trying to push Jared away but he’s too damn strong and they’re both tired. He breaks out into hysterical manly giggles as Jared starts to howl like a wolf and it’s too damn late to do anything other than collapse into the warm body beside him, still laughing and sated, sleepy and pretty content with this whole arrangement.


Sunday goes on the same way with Jared following Jensen around like a puppy. The sad thing is it’s not much different from weekends they’ve spent together before, other than Jared hassling Jensen about a basketball game with the guys, which he eventually gets to and they go to the park Sunday afternoon.

Jared sleeps at his own place that night, bitching about how fast his days off go, and leaves after Dexter is over. Jensen realizes that they’ve watched almost two seasons of the show together, never missing an episode. If he has his Saturday routine, Jared definitely doesn’t deviate from their Sunday night ritual.

The week goes by as normal, busy with work and late nights at the firm. Jensen leaves the office, goes straight home and practically falls into bed. He’s glad Jared’s mood has improved because he just doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with it this week. He’s exhausted and cranky and pissy, clients up his ass every fucking minute of the day. Thankfully Jared seems to get it pretty quick and doesn’t whine when Jensen won’t eat or is too tired to go for a run, and he doesn’t push when Jensen refuses to talk about work.

When Friday night roles around though, that’s when Jared is determined to get Jensen out of his funk.

“Let’s go see a movie tonight, c’mon.” And now Jared’s on the verge of whining.  “It’s my turn to pick and your turn to pay.”

Jensen really doesn’t want to go, but maybe getting out would help lift his sprit a little. “It’s always my turn to pay.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re my--”

“You better finish that with your little fucking lamb.”

“Actually, I was gonna say sugar daddy but I didn’t know you liked little lamb so much.”

If looks could kill, Jensen would be shooting daggers out his eyes and Jared’s death would be very short and particularly painful. Jared just laughs and goes to his house to grab his jacket while Jensen locks up. He’s anticipating they’ll be watching the new horror movie that came out last week but instead Jared chooses the sci-fi flick.

“Isn’t there a lesbian alien scene in this?”

“You should be so happy that it’s my turn to pick.”

Jensen sighs and goes to the candy counter, buys some skittles and gummy bears. The sales girl promptly checks Jared out and she stutters when he gives her one of those million watt smiles. Jensen almost starts laughing and then comes really close to losing his shit when Jared places both hands around Jensen’s waist and gives a good pinch. Suddenly the sales girl doesn’t seem so goofy anymore because his mouth goes dry in an instant. Apparently, Jared has that affect on people.

Jared waits for Jensen to put his money away by resting his chin on Jensen’s shoulder and once his wallet is back in his pocket, Jared grabs Jensen’s hand, sliding their fingers together.

“Um. What’re you doin’?

“Date night.” Jared says simply. “It doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“No. But we’re out in public. What if someone sees you?”

“Then you got a lot of explaining to do.”

Jensen thinks Jared has that backwards, but doesn’t say anything. He’s surprised at the skill Jared has though, at opening the candy while never letting Jensen’s hand go the whole time.

Jared is attentive too. He rubs his thumb along Jensen’s knuckles in the most soothing way, squeezes every few minutes, switches hands when his palm gets too sweaty, every time intertwining their fingers together like they fit perfectly.

It’s almost disturbing, just how perfect they fit, but Jensen’s too tired to think about it. And it does feel nice. He might be a girl for letting himself admit that, but it does. It feels comforting even though it doesn’t mean anything, the warmth of skin on skin, holding and caressing with the lightest touch. And the best part? Jared doesn’t even seem to know he’s doing it, like it’s an afterthought and his total focus is on the movie.

Jensen is definitely watching Jared’s hand on his instead of the screen, trying not to be too obvious about it. The whole thing is odd, slightly out of place and every time Jensen shifts and lifts his hand to take it away Jared meets his eyes and gives him a smile. A smile that says he’s happy and okay and just wants Jensen to chill out.

So he does the next best thing and falls asleep. An hour and a half later Jared shakes him gently and Jensen lifts his head from Jared’s shoulder.

“Okay so next time I’ll actually listen when you say that you’re tired.” Jared helps Jensen get up and steers him out of the theater, tucking him under his arm through the crowd of teenagers. He takes the keys and Jensen falls asleep again on the ride home while Jared drives, curled up the best he can in the passenger seat.

“Okay, sleeping beauty. Rise n’shine.”

Jensen yawns as he gets out of the car. He thought the fresh air might wake him up a little but god damn, he’s still beat.

“Last time you were this tired you came down with bronchitis, remember?” Jared guides him with a hand on his lower back up the walk.

Jensen answers with another yawn and doesn’t remember how he ends up in his bedroom, down to his boxers with his head on Jared’s chest once again instead of his own pillow.

And fine, if Jared wants to play his little games on the weekend, Jensen can deal.

He’ll deny the snuggling in the morning.


Jensen doesn’t feel too great the next day. He’s pretty sure it’s only allergies or something, but he uses the excuse to be lazy all afternoon, catches up on bad reality television, talks to his entire family on the phone which takes a few hours – his mom taking up an entire hour herself.

Jared goes for a long run and then takes Jensen’s car to run errands that he needs to get done. Hopefully he’ll spring for a haircut while he’s out because the shaggy hair is getting out of control.

“Honey, I’m home!”

“Did you get me tissues?”

“Yes, you princess.” Jared tosses a box on the counter. “The kind with the lotion in it. We can’t have no Rudolph noses up in here.”

“Awesome. Thank you.”

“And I got dinner, and some peanut butter and jelly so you don’t starve next week.” Jared puts a ton of grocery bags on the counter. “So what’d you do all day beside miss me?”

“Talked to the folks some, nothing too exciting.”

“Did you tell your mom you have the sneezes and I’m talking care of you?”

“Uh. No.” Jensen pulls out some Kleenex and blows his nose. “I left that part out. What’d you do, buy a thousand cookies?”

“Well you were paying. Oh and before I forget.” Jared pulls out Jensen’s credit card and hands it over. “You’re welcome.”

Jensen pats him on the stomach. “Thanks for picking me up some stuff while I was dying.”

“You don’t look so bad right now.” And there’s that voice again, all deep and teasing, double meaning right on the edge.

“My self esteem’s on fire when you’re around.” A little of Jensen’s is being sarcastic but Jared just totally checked him out, eyes traveling slowly up and down. Jensen knows he looks good in these jeans but he’s kind of stuffy and gross so he doesn’t think Jared is telling the truth. But then again, this could all be a part of Jared’s game.


Jared is in his kitchen preheating the oven for frozen lasagna and his stupid plan to pay Jensen back is working. Damn him.

“So how’s your mom doing? Everything okay at home?”

“Yep.”  Jensen blows his nose again. He only notices Jared’s odd stare at him when he looks up.

“What’s up with that whole deal? You never talk about your parents.”

All Jensen has to do is raise one eyebrow and Jared is slapping his hand over his mouth. “Oh shit. Did they kick you out ‘cause you’re gay or something? Do you hate them? Holy shit, Jen I’m so sorry!”

“No. Stupid, God! No.” Jensen rolls his eyes and hops up on the counter. “They weren’t pleased when I told them I prefer cock over pussy but they took some time and got over it.”


“And they were like, in love with Noah. Thought he was perfect and couldn’t understand why I left him or wanted to move. My mom was pretty disappointed that I let the one get away n’all. She didn’t understand that we wanted different things.”

Jared grabs a box of cookies and tears into it. “That’s tough, man.”

“We’re about to eat in like, twenty minutes. You gonna stuff your face?”

“I can’t help it. I eat when I get sensitive. And now you sound like my mom so let’s just get back to you now.”

“There’s nothing else to tell.” Jensen gives a smile. “You know that, wolf boy.”

Jared laughs because he knows Jensen’s right. They’ve had the family talk before, telling stories of being tortured by older brothers or hanging younger sisters upside down until they almost throw up. Parents are a different territory though. Jared talks about his dad in fond memory, accepting the loss and moving forward but never letting a day go by without thinking of him. His mom on the other hand, Jared doesn’t really talk about unless he’s already in a shitty mood and wants something to put him over the edge. Then he’ll drown in his misery and beer, if it’s readily available.

Jared eats a whole box of cookies and then three plates of lasagna after. Jensen can barely manage a plate full of food and some Tylenol pm, hoping to pass out and get this cold out of his system.

When Jared starts to head upstairs once the late show is over and all the lights are off, Jensen hesitates.

“What’s up?”

“Uh. Is this like gonna be an every weekend thing?”

“Well I was thinking weekends and maybe once or twice during the week, but you were kinda crabby the last couple of days. And it’s not like I mind… when you’re in a good mood. And plus, you know I like the company.”

“In my bed?”

Jared just shrugs. “Your bed is way more comfortable then my old ratty mattress. Why, you sayin’ you don’t want me to come up?”

God, it’s not like they’re gonna have sex or something and Jared is obviously just using him for his pricy mattress. “Well I’m kinda snotty and nasty right now.”

“Ah, that doesn’t matter none.” Jared runs past Jensen and slaps him on his ass. He strips off his t-shirt and cargo shorts in the bedroom, until tight little black briefs appear that Jensen’s never seen.

“Lookin’ good, Padalecki.” Jensen can’t help it. There’s no reason he can’t help Jared’s self esteem too.

But Jared doesn’t seem to notice as he crawls into bed, finds Jensen’s hand and puts it on his stomach with a groan that can only mean discomfort.

“I ate too many cookies. Can you rub my belly?”

Jensen snickers. “Seriously?”

“C’mon, Jen. Yes, I’m being serious. It’s not funny. I’m in pain here.”

“Such a baby.” Jensen murmurs and lets his hand rest on top of Jared’s bellybutton. There’s a faint line of hair down his happy trail and Jensen’s fingers run through it, back up around the middle which is so flat it should be illegal. His hand travels over the bumps of Jared’s abs and smooth warm skin. Up and down, in little circles, knuckles skimming over the small little mole on his hipbone.

He swallows thickly and turns his head a little. “Hey Jen?”


“You think your mom would like me more than your ex-boyfriend?”


“Good. Maybe I can meet her sometime.” A few seconds of silence pass and then, “Hey Jen?”


“Remember when I told you that I’m really good at kissing?” Jared says in a whisper, moves closer and skims a palm down Jensen’s arms to take hold of his hand, fingers intertwining together.


“I wasn’t lying.”

Jensen stills his rubbing. “Just go to sleep, Jay. Maybe we’ll both feel better in the morning.”

“Whatever you say, baby.”


The next few weeks go by in a blur. Jared spends the night every Friday, Saturday and sometimes Tuesdays or Wednesday if he isn’t afraid Jensen will bite his head off. It has become a routine and Jensen loves a good routine so he keeps his mouth shut and goes with it. He gives in and cuddles otherwise Jared will give him the saddest look ever. They’ll twist their legs together at night and Jared will end up spooning him from behind, hands and arms everywhere and holding him so tight it almost feels real.

It all comes crumbling down when Chester, the mail clerk almost ruins Jensen’s entire life. It’s been leading up to this, the constant winks and stupid jokes every time he drops off mail to Jensen’s office. It’s always things like:

“Hey Jensen, the color of that tie really brings out the green in your eyes.”


“Hey Jensen, I hear lawyers are really stiff. Let me know if you ever need help with that.”


“Hey Jensen, why no wedding ring? Haven’t met the wo-MAN of your dreams yet?”

Jensen is usually able to ignore the little comments, he’s too busy to deal with them but he does hear them all. Chester- the- asshole stories have become a nightly bitch-fest and Jared’s not all about sexual harassment in the work place and often advises Jensen to tell Chester to go take a long walk off a short bridge. Jensen’s not some pansy and can take care of his own damn shit with some dignity, but it doesn’t stop the fantasy of kicking the guy straight in the balls. Or Jared doing it for him.

It comes to a head when Jensen has a meeting with a bitchy client in ten minutes, a counteroffer coming in that he has to refuse, and another meeting with Dan, a senior partner that he has to somehow push back until after lunch. Also, his secretary called in which means a temp keeps transferring calls to him rather than Parker, who is down the hall.

“Hey Jensen.”

God damn. Piss. Shit. He is so not in the mood for this right now.

“Not now Chet, I’m busy.”

“C’mon, Jensen, just trying to be friendly. You look really good today.”

“Yeah, well.” Jensen grabs a case folder off his desk and stuffs it in his briefcase. If he doesn’t leave now, he’ll be late. “According to you, I look really good every day.”

Chester is blocking the doorway and up close he looks even more like a scumbag. His teeth are yellow and his hair is slicked back with some kind of grease. He smells like onions and Jensen quickly pushes past him.

That’s when it happens. Chester, the mother fucking guy who works in the mailroom, pinches Jensen’s ass.

And Jensen loses his cool. He pushes his forearm under Chester’s chin, shoves him hard up against the door and doesn’t stutter when he speaks. “Enough. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean you get to feel me up. Keep your hands off me, Chester or this won’t be the end of it.”

Chester almost starts to cry and Jensen gives him one more shove to make a point, and then backs off.

“Am I interrupting something here, gentleman?”

Fuck. It’s Dan’s voice. Dan, the senior partner. Dan, a guy in his fifties and there’s no doubt he’s old school and goes to church. There’s also not a chance in hell he didn’t hear what Jensen just said.


“Uh no, just a simple misunderstanding. Fine. Good. Everything’s fine.”

Chester nods eagerly in agreement and practically runs down the hallway. Dan starts to laugh and slaps Jensen on the back. “Guess he had it coming to him, eh Ackles? Let’s say we push our meetings back and go to lunch. I feel like Italian today, don’t you?”

Jensen can’t think of anything fast enough to say and stumbles along. He just outted himself at a law firm and almost beat up a coworker. Hopefully he doesn’t get fired over meatballs and spaghetti.


“Hi honey! How was your day?”

Jared’s been doing this. He comes home at five in the evening, goes for a run, showers, and lets himself into Jensen’s place to watch cable and reheat leftovers until he gets home around seven.

“Well I came out at work today. Not by choice. So in two words? Not great.”

“Seriously? Oh shit.” Jared turns the television off and sits up. He starts to reach for Jensen’s waist to pull him in for a hug, but Jensen seriously needs a beer right now and bypasses Jared in favor of the fridge. “Is everything okay? What happened?”

“Chet made his final move on me.” Jensen explains, cold brew sliding down his throat. “Grabbed at my ass. I got pissed, said a few words to him and Dan was right behind me.”

“Uh oh.” Now Jared really does get his hands around Jensen’s belt and tugs, presses his nose right to Jensen’s neck and breathes in deep. “What’d he say?”

“Thought he was gonna bust my balls, man. Thought my ass was so fired.” Jensen is still embraced in Jared’s arms as he tries to take another swig of beer. “But he took me to lunch, told me how well he thought I was doing lately and that I was invited to the firm’s retreat next month along with the other senior partners and their wives.”

“So he doesn’t have a problem with the gay thing?”

“Nope. Turns out his wife has a gay uncle or something, I’m not really sure since I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Wow. That’s great.” Jared says, finally letting Jensen go. “Crazy-lucky, but great.”

“Tell me about it. God, I have such a fucking headache.” He presses his fingers to his temple and rubs hard, hoping to alleviate some of the tension.

Jared takes over, helps Jensen out of his suit jacket and squeezes at his shoulders. The guy is strong, there’s no arguing that, and when he takes another grip it almost hurts. “Hey, how about you go take a hot shower and I’ll bring some food up, okay? We can chill out in bed and I’ll rub your shoulders some more. Cool?”

Jensen’s about to protest, he just doesn’t have it in him. A warm shower sounds perfect and the bed is calling his name. “Okay. Just don’t take too long.”

Jared smiles and winks. Somehow he can pull it off without being creepy at all. “Wouldn’t wanna make you wait, baby.”

“I’m just hungry.” Jensen grumbles, “Didn’t eat much lunch considering the circumstances. And stop calling me that.”

Jared cackles loudly while Jensen climbs the stairs. He’s in the shower within a minute of hitting the bathroom and lets the soap and water wash over him, cleaning away the day but still replaying the events over in his mind. He hasn’t been that freaked out in awhile. He almost screwed up his entire career because he let some douche get under his skin. It isn’t like him. As a lawyer, he’s always composed and thinks shit through before he acts.

Fuck. Today could have turned out to be so shitty.

The lights are dim when Jensen gets into bed, the TV on his dresser the only soft glow in the room and the volume set low on some crime show. As soon as he settles, Jared opens the door and tries to balance a tray of food as he kneels on the mattress.

He strips quickly of his clothes while Jensen steadies the tray. Tomorrow’s a work day so there’s no more beer after the two they already drank downstairs. Jensen’s still feeling twitchy though and he’s only a little buzzed. He could definitely go for a glass of wine and when he’s about to get up and go get some, Jared throws a bottle of body oil on the bed and any thoughts of merlot quickly disappear.

“Don’t get any ideas.” Jared says, motioning for Jensen to turn over. “You’re tense and I’m just gonna give your shoulders a rub down.”

Jensen’s never been one to turn down a free massage. “Just my shoulders, huh?”

“Maybe if you’re good.” Jared pours some oil onto his hands and rubs them together. “I’ll take care of your lower back too.”

Jensen lays flat on the bed, spreads his legs out and gets comfortable.“Sounds promising.”

“You just quiet down now and relax, darlin’.” Jared drawls out. His palms skim down Jensen’s spine and circle around to his sides. The pressure feels so damn good. “Don’t worry your pretty lil head about Chester-the-molester.”

Jensen immediately starts to laugh until Jared shushes him by dragging his fingertips under his shoulder blades and works all the muscles in his back and shoulders. Jared presses all his weight down, forcing out the kinks and tightness through the warmth and strength in his hands.

“This feels so damn good.”

“That’s the idea.” He moves lower on Jensen’s back, fingers almost fitting around Jensen’s entire waist, lifts up the sheet and flips it away. It’s a good thing he kept his briefs on. “This where he touch you?”

“Huh?” Jensen’s almost asleep, enjoying this to the max.

Jared brushes his palms over the curve of Jensen’s ass, tugging at the elastic ever so slightly. “Is this where Chet touched you?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“It’s a mighty fine ass. I kinda like it.” Jared gives it a good pat before he moves down Jensen’s legs, fingers sliding up into his shorts high around his thigh.

“Isn’t that a little gay of you?”

“Why you gotta put a label on everything?”

Jensen groans when Jared digs into a sore spot. “You’re right, I’m sorry. My bad. You can be gay all you want as long as you oh. Oh yeah, keep doing that.”

“You like that?” A shift on the bed and Jared’s mouth is right next to Jensen’s ear now, feels the stubble of Jared’s beard on his bare shoulder. There’s no possible way of speaking without a girly squeak coming out, so Jensen gives a nod.



“You gonna fall asleep?” His mouth is still right there, lips tickling across his shoulders and back.


Jensen feels like he’s drugged, too much Jared all over him and it makes him sleepy. He can’t respond, wouldn’t be able to even if he wanted say something.

“God damn, Jen… I’m startin’ to wish this were real.”

 It’s the last thing Jensen hears before he goes to sleep. The last thing he remembers is Jared’s soft lips tracing invisible lines over the freckles on his skin.


That Thursday evening Jensen gets out of work early and they decide to go for a long run around the park. There’s a nice trail that loops exactly the distance of a mile and on good day, Jensen can go around three times. Today he had been sitting at his desk for hours on end and his muscles aren’t as loose as they should be. After about a half a mile, they have to stop and stretch.

There’re not a lot of people at the park right now because in a few hours the sun will set completely, dusk on its way. But there’s still kids screaming and running around at the playground, playing on the swing set and slide, ducks quacking at the small pond in the middle of the park, and couples idly walking the path too, hand in hand.

“Want me to stretch out your gluteus for you?” Jared smirks, raising his arms over his head to work out the joints in his back, t-shirt ridding up to show off an impressive span of lower abs. Then he sits down on the grass to work his calf muscles out. “I’m real good at rubbin’ down gluteus.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, starts to come back with his own snarky response when a familiar face catches his gaze a few feet away.

Oh no.” It’s all he gets a chance to mutter out, enough for Jared to get a confused look on his face and turn to see who or what Jensen is referring to.

“Um. Hi, Jensen.”

“What are you doing here, Chet?” Jensen sets his jaw, teeth clenching together in anger. “Are fucking following me?”

Jared’s eyebrows shoot up and his mouth drops open to hang in disbelief, watching the display in front of him.

“What? No! I’m not following you! I’m walking my dog, okay?”

Jensen glances down at the black lab. It looks friendly and he kind of wants to pet it, but he can’t get distracted right now.

Jared shakes his head, trying to understand. “Wait, this is Chester? The guy from your firm? The guy who pinched your—“

“Yes.” Jensen hisses, glaring at Jared to stop talking.

Chet starts to ramble. He takes a step forward and twists the dog’s leash tightly in his hands. “Look, okay, I saw you start to run and maybe only followed you a little bit –“

Jared stands up at that, to his full height and narrows his eyes. He puts his hands on his hips, probably to look bigger, if that were even possible. The guy is the least scary, least threatening person Jensen has ever met but he’s never seen Jared mad either. It’s a little frightening. Also, a little hot.

Chester sputters, shoots a nervous glance to Jared and takes a quick step back, almost stumbles but catches himself. “I just wanted to apologize! Really, Jensen, I’m really sorry about what happened the other day. And I just wanted to let you know that it won’t happen again and I won’t get in your way and I’ll just put your mail in your box, okay? I just don’t want any trouble. And you’re obviously here with your friend –“

“Boyfriend.” Jared clarifies; his tone very serious and even Jensen would have believed him.

“Oh, right.” Chet clears his throat and his beady eyes shift down, like he’s ashamed. “Of course.”

Maybe Jensen was too hard on the guy.

Jared steps towards Jensen, puts an arm around his waist and pulls him in close. “You got anything else to say?”

A thrill floods through Jensen, heat pooling where Jared’s hand is spread wide and protective around his hip. He could totally kick Chet’s ass, but it’s nice that he could count of Jared for some help.

“Um.” Chet shakes his head and walks backwards down the path. “No. Thank… thank you. Sorry. Again.”

Jared just keeps on glaring until he’s out of sight and Jensen can’t help to find it a little amusing. Jared must see Jensen’s lips fighting a smile because he just flexes his arms and in an overly deep voice says, “I’ll protect you, baby.”

“Oh please.” Jensen pushes Jared away and starts jogging in the opposite direction of his co-worker.

“I’m serious; I could totally take that weenie! And his cute little dog too. Though I could never hurt a dog, poor little guy.”

Jensen has no doubt.


After the week of almost killing Chester, running into him at the park, and almost getting fired, Jensen feels a little wound up. His days are mostly free of self-inflicted drama but those three minor incidents really shook him to the core.

And it’s been awhile since he’s been properly laid. So there’s a definite itch to go out tonight. Fake boyfriend or not, there’s just some activities that Jared can’t take care of.

So when Jared insists on coming with him to Club West on Friday night Jensen agrees just to shut him up. Having a wingman can’t hurt anyway and he lets Jared drive so he can throw a few drinks back. Letting loose is not something Jensen does often, but tonight he can feel the need in his bones.

“You know I was thinking that maybe you should say that you have a boyfriend at work.” Jared rambles as he parks the car. The club is a hopin’ tonight, that’s for sure. There’s a line outside with all kinds of potential hook ups. “That way dudes like Chester know you have someone to, ya know, protect you if he starts gettin’ all up in your shit again.”

“I hate to break it to you, Jay but I don’t need protecting. I do just fine, thanks.” Jensen says, slamming the car door shut. He checks himself in the side mirror and is happy with what he sees. He went with a thin gray v-neck shirt and some tight jeans, black boots and a big watch around his wrist. “But I did tell Dan that I have a boyfriend. Being a gay whore is different than being gay with a life partner, that’s for sure.”

“I don’t even know what to say to that.” Jared straightens his clothes out too. He went with a button up black shirt and jeans that flare a little at the ankles. He looks good. He also reaches for Jensen’s hand when they start to walk in the club.

“Uh. You’re off duty tonight, remember? I am available and looking.” Jensen smiles and Jared does too, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Sorry, right. I forgot.”

Jensen needs air to breathe. Jared is sucking up all his space, and not in the worst way. It’s getting a little too real and another reality check needs to happen. Fast.

Twinks with neon green skinny pants ought to do it.

As soon as they order their drinks Jensen gets asked to dance. The guy’s a little pale and definitely not his type, but hell, why not? He nods and when he gets to the dance floor, it’s then he notices the very sour scowl Jared’s sporting. No wonder no one’s hitting on him. Pissy is not a good look.

Whatever. This kid is cute and interested and Jensen is moving to the music the best way he can. God damn, he doesn’t even have to get drunk to let loose.

And that says a lot.

“Mind if I cut in?”

The poor kid has to look about a foot up and Jared uses the extra inches to his advantage. He does that wink and smile thing that always gets him his way and sure enough, the twink scurries away like a frightened turtle but not without shooting Jared dirty look first.

“Pssh. What’s her problem?”

“Jared… did you just cockblock me?”

“Nah, I would never do that. But he was kinda skanky and I know you can do better. Besides, I dance so much hotter than that guy.”

And seriously, Jensen doesn’t have some secret super powers he can pull out of his ass. There’s no way he can resist Jared, swaying those hips and twirling Jensen around like they’re at some god damn rodeo. Jared puts Jensen’s hand over his heart when they move and they’re slow dancing even though it’s a techno song and the strobe lights are going crazy over their heads.

It’s hot and of course, Jared’s starting to sweat. His hands travel under the back of Jensen’s shirt and stay there for three songs. Their hips are grinding and Jensen’s trying not to touch, he really, really is but he can’t help it. He rests his hands on the nape of Jared’s neck, fingers pulling in damp curly hair, their lips come close a few times until they’re breathing in each other’s air.

It’s too much, not enough and Jensen wants more. Jared’s eyes are full of heat and maybe something else, something like desire. But then again, it could all be fake. A part of his “making Jensen feel good plan” and it sucks.

Fuck it. Jensen is dancing with the hottest guy here. Everyone is giving him the evil eye, jealousy written all over their faces. He can go home to his right hand – they’re very close these days - and Jensen’s okay with that in favor of getting laid. For tonight.

They take a break once Jared’s shirt in completely soaked and Jensen has a good amount of sweat lining the hair around his temples. It’s too loud to talk, so he can only drink and drinking is exactly what he does. Jared wants to protect him? Then let him have his chance.

When another guy approaches, Jensen can barely shake his head before Jared’s dragging him back to the dance floor, this time doing this ridiculous booty dance, sticking his butt out and hopping backwards towards Jensen with a silly grin. It’s so fucking funny and Jensen can’t stop laughing, finds it even more hilarious when Jared somehow gets his hands on a pink glitter cowboy hat and wears it the rest of the night, sipping on white wine at the bar.

He can’t remember how he gets home, but when Jensen wakes up the next afternoon the bed is empty and the sheets are still warm.


Jensen’s drinking and dancing binge follows him all way to Monday morning. He’s in his office studying his calendar for the week, still feeling a little foggy when Dan stops by.

“Ackles, how’s the Roland case coming along? I remember Nancy being pretty tough to work with. Experience from her first marriage and all.”

Jensen stands and walks around his desk. “Yeah, it’s going well enough. I think she’ll be very pleased with the settlement.”

“Well that’s a good thing,” says Dan. He fiddles with his jacket sleeve before going on. “I hope you haven’t forgotten about the retreat next week. You and your partner will be joining us, correct?”

“Um. Yep.” Jensen’s caught off guard, surprised that Dan asked that so outright. He hopes that he covers it up. “Absolutely.”

“Great! The misses is really looking forward to meeting you and your uh… guy friend. Should be fun too, there’s a lake and a small beach. Plenty to do in between conferences.”

In a strange way, Jensen is looking forward to the time away from the office and out of town, even if he will be working for most of it. He’s just glad Jared was able to take Friday off so they’d be able to leave early that morning. The drive is three hours and Jared wants to stop at this famous hot dog stand on the way.

Dan gets distracted when he gets a phone call on his cell and drops directions to where they’ll all be staying at on Jensen’s desk as he leaves.

Jensen grabs his phone and types out a message.

Jensen: Fair warning. I think you’ll be spending a lot of time with the wives this weekend.

Jared: You’re gonna owe me

That’s exactly the response Jensen was hoping for. He doesn’t want Jared to feel like he owes him anymore, besides the money he lent him, of course. And he’s glad that Jared can joke about it with or without realizing it. But Jared paid him a little last month and he got a raise at work, so maybe he’ll stop this little weekend snuggling act.

Because the whole cuddling thing that started out three times a week has now become four times a week and Jensen’s getting sick of –

Nope. Can’t even finish the lie in his head.

When Jensen gets home that day Jared’s not on his couch mooching off his food or cable. It’s quiet and decidedly lonely. It hits Jensen like a phantom force, the emptiness of no one to greet him or ask how his day went.

It’s in this moment he realizes what a mistake he has made with Jared. He let that warm, goofy, outright handsome guy worm his way in, something Jensen promised he wouldn’t let happen. And the thing is, Jensen can’t figure out why or how or when. It’s like he closed his eyes for a split second and there Jared was, in his bed with his arms wrapped around him.

Quickly, Jensen does a mental check. He still doesn’t believe in relationships. He’s not really hurting about Noah anymore, so that doesn’t count. He still thinks marriage is a complete crock of shit. He still knows that people change over time, usually into dysfunctional freaks. He knows that people cheat and lie and stab each other in the back – quite literally if his last client is concerned.

So, all in all it’s okay. Obviously Jared hasn’t wormed himself in too far otherwise Jensen’s mental status would include hearts and butterflies and chirping birds and unicorns pooping rainbows. Thank god there’s none of that.

Jensen’s still lost in his thoughts when hands cover his eyes.


“Jared, you couldn’t scare a squirrel even if you tried.”  Jensen turns around and nearly gasps at what Jared’s done to himself.

“What? What’s the matter?”

Jared shaved most of his beard off and cut his hair. He looks incredibly cute and Jensen’s hands find their way to Jared’s neck, running through his short curls in the back. “Damn, you look great!”

“Yeah?” This time when Jared smiles his dimples show. It makes him almost irresistible. “Well thank you.” He grasps Jensen’s wrists lightly, the delicate touch sending goose bumps right up Jensen’s arm. Jared bends down a little to become eyelevel and says, “I’m glad you like it. Now I’ll look like a proper gay partner for your retreat.”

“You did this for me?”

Jared’s still showing off his dimples. “Maybe. The girls at my office are gonna have a fit. They love my long hair. They tell me it’s fierce. And they tell me I look like an older Justin Bieber.”

“You gonna blame me when they cry?”

“Yep. They’re all gonna hate on you so hard.” Jared’s leaning in now, nodding slowly, his fingers going from Jensen’s wrists to tracing up and down his arms.

It gets intense and Jensen takes a step back. “Well hot stuff, you look good either way. And you didn’t have to do that, but thank you.”

Jared shakes his hair out dramatically and fans himself. “Am I model material? You think I could walk on a runway?”

“Uh. No.” Jensen shakes his head and takes off his suit jacket, glad Jared decided to make a joke right now.“There’s no way. You’d trip and fall on your ass or something.”

“Have you seen my ass? Look at it!”

“No thank you.”

“C’mon! I know you like it.”

Jensen glares. “Jared, it’s been so long that I’d probably look at a donkey’s ass right now. Don’t tempt me.”

“Aw poor baby. Don’t blame me for your dry spell.”

He’s exactly who Jensen is blaming.


On Friday morning Jensen’s alarm goes off early. He stretches in his bed; so glad Jared didn’t spend the night yesterday because there’s some serious wood happening under the sheets. And he better take care of it now before he has to spend the entire weekend around his hot ass neighbor.

Jensen closes his eyes, relaxes into the pillows and lets his hand slide under the covers. God, he’s so hard, this is going to be quick. And so fucking good. He’s about ten strokes into it, stops to tease the head, and is just about to circle round to his backdoor when he hears the god damn front door open.

No. Not when he’s this close. What the hell is Jared doing here?

“Jensen! Get up, man, we gotta get goin’ and I ran out of deodorant!” Great, now he’s coming up the stairs. “And I know how much you like my musk but I can get pretty ripe in the afternoon so I need to borrow some of you--”

All Jensen can do is pretend like he was sleeping, hurries to get his arm out from under the blankets and turn over onto his stomach. The friction from the mattress on his sensitive dick feels absolutely great and he thrusts a little before Jared walks right into his bedroom.

Dripping wet with nothing but a towel around his waist.

Jensen groans in frustration. Jared drops his mouth open in shock.

“Oh snap. Were you just jackin’ off?”

“No. God. No. Maybe. Just. Get the deodorant and leave me alone.”

Jared snickers and takes his sweet time, opening the dresser drawer all slow and then riffling through Jensen’s underwear like he doesn’t know where the damn deodorant is. He finally finds it and turns around, takes off the cap and starts rubbing the stick under his armpits.

God, he’s so sexy. Chest built like a playing field of muscle, sculpted to perfection and glistening as the light reflects off his damp skin. The towel hangs off his slim hips, just covering his crotch. What Jensen would give for it to fall to the floor.

“So uh.” His smile is damn near smug, full of teasing. “Need any help?”

“No I don’t need any help. What I need is for you to leave.”

“So fast? I just got here. How rude.”

“Jared. Leave. Now.” Jensen’s going to explode in a minute.

“Okay, okay.” He puts the deodorant back and goes to the door. “Hey Jen? You think my ass is better than a donkey’s?” And with that, Jared drops his towel, very tight sweet ass in plain view as he walks out.

Jensen comes almost immediately.


The car ride is really long, especially when Jared makes fun of Jensen for the first hour about how much he enjoyed playing the part of a towel boy and maybe it’s a career path he might’ve overlooked.

Eventually, he quiets down some when they get to Pinkie’s Famous Hot Dog stand two hours into the trip and stuffs himself with three chili dogs and a cherry slurpee. Jensen hands over the keys so he can check emails over his phone for the last hour in the car, able to write back to four clients and cancel an appointment early Monday morning.

“You gonna be on that thing all weekend?” Jared asks, making a grab for Jensen’s cell with one hand, the other on the steering wheel.

“No. I’m gonna be in meetings all day while you get to sleep in and hang out.” Jensen tucks his phone safely into his pocket as they arrive at their destination. “I hope you enjoy yourself.”

 “Wow. I’m sure it won’t be a problem at all. Check out that lake.”

The lake is huge, crystal clear, and probably freezing cold. There are small cabin cottages lined around it with one large wooden house on the west side.  There’s a beach, volleyball court, and picnic tables all surrounded by rolling hills and tall pine trees in the distance.

It’s a beautiful sight. And so is Jared’s excited grin.

“Are those bike trails up there? I think it is. Oh man, this is gonna be so very cool! I’ve never been a happier wife!”

Jensen grabs his backpack from the trunk of the car and swings it over his shoulder. He hopes that he gets to spend a little time outside too. The air is crisp here, fresh with the lingering smell of firewood and pine. He breathes in as deep as he can, taking in the view of the mountains and bright blue sky.

More cars and a few trucks start to pull up and Jensen fights for Jared’s attention, pulling him away from the two dogs that ran up to him a few seconds ago.

“Okay so listen. That’s Steven Kimble and his wife in the white car, he’s pretty important so be nice. Over there is Robert Hall and that is actually his wife, not his mother, even though she probably could be. Then there’s Dan Laster and Bob Rennings, both senior partners and super important so suck up to their wives like a Hoover. Also, there’re a few of our secretaries Judy, Susan, and Tina.”

Jared nods, eyeing the dogs and probably wanting to play again. “Got it.”

“I’m gonna go get our key. You cool here?” Jensen could be declaring his love for the guy and Jared wouldn’t even notice right now, going right back to petting and cooing over the dogs. Jensen’s back within a few minutes, says hello to the other lawyers and they all agree to meet back in the lobby in an hour to start meetings.

Their cabin is down the road a little from the main house, a one level with a small kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. There’s a brick fireplace in the living area and a nice big bed. Jensen’s only a little disappointed that there’s no hot tub on the back porch, but there is one to the side of the larger cabin that a little dirt path leads to.

“Nice digs.” Jared says, impressed. He does a belly flop onto the bed with his feet hanging off the side. “So do I need to do anything or can I chill out for awhile?”

“I’m not really sure what all the chicks are doing or what the schedule is. I imagine they’ll come looking for you soon so you better rest up while you can. All that I ask is that you play nice, okay?”

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman. I won’t embarrass you and I’ll be the best fake boyfriend you’ve ever had. Hopefully I’ll live up to the gay stereotype.”

Jensen’s dying for a quick shower and just a wink of sleep, but he doesn’t have time. Instead he washes his face and changes his shirt, grabs his briefcase and has to head out.

“I’ll see you in a little while. Have fun. Don’t get into any trouble!”

“Your faith in me is astounding.” Jared says dryly, then lets out a huge yawn.

Jensen rolls his eyes and opens the front door, hoping that bringing Jared here for the weekend won’t turn out to be a mistake. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Have a good day, honey!”


The meetings are extremely long and there’s a lot for Jensen to take in. By the time the group is let out for dinner in the common room, he’s completely beat and manages to eat a bowl of soup and drink a glass of wine.

Jared picks up on how tired he is, and actually, all the guys are pretty tired from the drive and they call it an early night. They have to be back at it around seven in the morning anyway and lord knows Jensen needs his beauty sleep. He has time for a quick shower when they get back to the cabin and it’s when he’s in the rather small bathtub, Jensen realizes that Jared’s was so quiet and calm during dinner. Not like he was bored or being a jerk, but in a supportive kind of way. With a simple caress, hand on his lower back, a touch of lips to Jensen’s temple when the room got too loud.

It’s nice, Jensen thinks, that Jared is there to support him. That maybe he’s not doing this in addition to pay Jensen off or to get a free mini vacation.

Fortunately they’re already accustomed to sharing a bed and Jared immediately curls around Jensen after he settles.

“You tired?”

“Really tired.” Jensen mumbles into his pillow. “How were the ladies? Were they like Real Housewives?  I hope they didn’t chew you up and spit you out.”

“Nah, they just gnawed on the bones a little.” Jared slides a leg between Jensen’s, rubs his foot along Jensen’s shin. “My ankle’s really swollen from all the teeth marks.”

“Aw. Poor thing.”

“Black and blue.” Jared whispers, lips moving in slow kisses across Jensen’s shoulders and hands smoothing gently down his spine.

Jensen relishes in the warm touch, instantly relaxes and starts to fall asleep. “You gonna be okay tomorrow?”

“I’ll be fine.” Jared reassures. He leans back into his own space, but only a little. “What time will your conference be done?”

“We went a little longer today so we can get out early,” Jensen says through a yawn. “Probably around two or three.”

“Wanna go for a hike after?”

Jensen nods and reaches back for Jared’s hand. When he finds it, he tucks himself under Jared’s arm and their bodies press so close in ways that could only be considered intimate, trusting, and perhaps never wanting to let go.


Jensen swears it’s the crickets that wake him up dead in the middle of the night. The chirps are insanely loud coming in from the open window, but the breeze is nice enough so Jensen doesn’t want to shut it. He does get up to go to the bathroom, fumbling in the unfamiliar room and doesn’t turn on the light, hoping his aim is on once he reaches the toilet. Crawling back into bed and Jared’s open arms, Jensen snuggles in and sighs contently now that some sleep has taken the edge off exhaustion. His body feels good, rested and slightly rejuvenated.

Jared yawns and turns, crowding Jensen again into being the little spoon, not that he really minds it. He loves the weight of Jared’s strong body against his back, the protective cocoon that’s created under the blankets of Jared’s long arms and legs. Jared’s especially handsy tonight and Jensen’s not sure if he’s truly asleep or maybe in that dream world where he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing.

Because Jared’s palms are splayed over his stomach, sliding slowly down until his thumbs are tracing around Jensen’s bellybutton. It’s lower than Jared’s ever gone before and it makes Jensen squirm, his breath quickens and he scoots back, even closer to Jared if only to get his hardening dick away from wandering hands.

Jared must be awake because Jensen hears him whisper, “Just relax,” right next to his ear and soft lips follow, down the nape of his neck, stopping to suck gently on the column of his throat.

Jensen closes his eyes, tries to just go with it as Jared’s hands suddenly press hard on his stomach, light touches turning into determined as they slide up, pushing his shirt up to his armpits and now rubbing across his bare chest and nipples.

If he keeps this up, Jensen is seriously going to come untouched.

Their legs twine together even tighter now and instantly Jensen feels Jared hard alongside the small of his back. He’s felt it before during the nights Jared’s spent with him. He never really wanted to admit it and he hadn’t been completely sure, but this isn’t an accidental brush when they’re sleeping or a bulge in his pajama pants in the morning. This is rock hard, long and straining, and Jared’s hips begin to move like he’s slowly losing control.

Jensen can’t stand it anymore.

“Jay, man.” Jensen’s tongue feels thick and his voice ragged.

Jared stops rocking his hips, but his hands are still digging into Jensen’s skin. “Hmm?”

“I gotta get up, gotta go to the bathroom.” It’s not really a lie. Jensen needs somewhere private so he can jerk off.

“You just went.”

“Well, I gotta go again. C’mon n’move.”

Jared doesn’t and says, “Don’t leave,” he’s trying to catch his breath though and nuzzles at Jensen’s neck again. “I’ll stop. You want me to stop?”

Jensen thinks about his answer and speaks before realizing what he’s saying. “I don’t know.”

That was wrong, so fucking wrong because Jared’s pulling down his shirt, shifts away and turns over on his stomach. Jensen immediately rolls over, scared that Jared’s mad and is frantically thinking how to make it all better again.

“I thought you liked gay sex.” His tone is teasing and light and Jensen’s worry is significantly lowered.

“I do like gay sex.”

Jared’s pouting now, the whine evident in his voice, “Could’ve fooled me.”

Jensen rolls his eyes and pinches Jared’s nipple hard.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For thinking that I’m some kind of abnormal freak who doesn’t like sex.”

“So what kind of sex do you like?” Jared grabs at Jensen’s hand and places it on his stomach, fingers linked together but bodies no longer touching.

“I’m not telling you that.”

“Oh come on. What’s a few sex secrets between best friends? And if we can’t do it, at least we can talk about it.” Jared props his head up on a pillow like he’s really interested. “Besides, I’m up now. Literally, up if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, Jared. Jesus. I’m not stupid.”

“So tell me what you like in bed.”

“Why do you care?”

“I find it fascinating.” He exasperates. “Just humor me, please?”

Jensen huffs and can feel his face start to blush. He knows this conversation is actually going to happen, but doesn’t really want it to because it’s embarrassing as all hell. At least the lights are out and they can’t really see each other. It’s dark in the room, a bluish glow from the moon, the only light creating shadows and soft shades of gray.

“What do you want to know?”

“That’s more like it,” Jared gets comfortable. “Do you like it rough and hard or soft and slow?”

“I’m not a delicate flower, Jared. I can handle my own.”

“That doesn’t really answer the question.”

Jensen sighs and really wants to hide under the blankets. “I dunno,” he says softly. “I guess a little rough, depends on the mood. What about you?”

“Oh I like it real slow.” Jared speaks with in a low pitch and it doesn’t do anything to stop Jensen’s hard on from swelling even more. “It shouldn’t be rushed, you know? I like to take my time, lots of foreplay, maybe a quick orgasm to take the edge off. The second one is always so much better.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything, but reaches down to grab hold the base of his cock. He doesn’t want to come.

“Don’t you think so, Jen?” Jared keeps talking and doesn’t give him a chance to respond. “Or what about kinks? I bet you got some crazy ass shit that turns you on, huh? C’mon n’spill. I won’t tell anyone.”

This has quickly turned into one of the hottest nights Jensen has ever had, and he’s not even getting laid. Just hearing Jared’s dirty words is riling him up so damn good that he can hardly think of a proper answer, let alone say it. “Um. Not really. I’m pretty vanilla.”

“Vanilla can be hot.” Jared squeezes around Jensen’s fingers. “Maybe with a side of rocky road once n’while?”

Of course, Jared would compare sex to food.

“Well what about you?” Jensen asks, surprised at his own forwardness. He really wants to know. “What gets you all hot n’bothered?”

Jared moves their hands up and down his sternum. “Mmm. Let me think. Well, I never say no to a blow job.”

Jensen’s about to interrupt and say no guy in the world would ever say no to a god damn blow job, but then Jared continues. “’Specially with a finger or two up where the sun don’t shine. Can’t complain ‘bout that.”

“Oh really?” Jensen tries to contain his surprise, but wants to play cool at the same time.

“Yes, really. Guys who don’t experiment with their prostate are missing out on intense orgasms.”

Jensen deadpans, “And you know all about your prostate.”

“Yep. I’m quite familiar with it, actually.”

Jensen images Jared with his fingers shoved up his ass, trying to reach where he desperately wants his fingertips to brush or maybe….

“Wait. Don’t tell me you have a – Jay, you have a vibrator, don’t you!”

“No!” It’s totally a lie.

“You do too!”

“No I do not!”

“Yes you do.” Jensen laughs. “You get frisky with it every night. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

And that starts a full out wrestling match on the bed, fighting and rolling around until Jared falls and lands on the floor.

“Ouch my ass!” He calls out, which makes Jensen laugh even harder. It ruins the intimate moment and Jensen doesn’t know if he’s grateful or disappointed. Either way, he’s looking forward to the next night together and as Jared settles down and curls his body around Jensen’s again, it looks like it’ll be a very promising weekend.


Jensen leaves Jared in bed early the next morning, snoring away. The sun coming up over the mountains paints the sky a deep smoky plum swirled with orange streaks. Jensen takes a few seconds to take in the sight because he hasn’t seen anything like it back home, his usual view constricted to the tiny window in his kitchen. It is a little cold since it’s so early so he grabs a jacket on the way out, closing the door softly behind him.

Dan’s chipper and greets him with a loud “Morning Ackles!” as soon he walks into the conference room. Bob and Steven come in next, talking mile a minute. Then Robert bursts through room, slams his briefcase down on the table and tells everyone with pure gusto how great the fresh air is. It’s amazing what creativity the outdoors can bring to the group.

Thank goodness there’s coffee, specifically three pots of Mexican rainforest blend in the corner. It’s going to be a long day.

Everyone decides to work right through lunch, eager to get outside and enjoy the day. Jensen peeks out the window and spies Jared sitting around a picnic table with the wives. He’s surrounded by four flailing, laughing, semi-attractive ladies, falling all over him. Jensen feels a sting of jealousy because after all, Jared is his man.

Correction: Fake man. Fake boyfriend. Whatever.

He’s at least glad that Jared seems to be having fun, talking and laughing right along with the gals and being the loudest of them all. It’s actually a little amusing. And Jared’s flashing his dimples, really hamming it up, charm out and in full swing.

“Ackles, you with us? What do you think of this litigation?”

And Jensen is so happy that he doesn’t turn away from the window because he watches it all happen. There’s a scream belonging to Mrs. Kimble, followed by a splash as she flaps her arms and falls right into the lake. Jensen snickers as Jared runs to try and help her, dives in and saves the sopping wet lady from drowning.

The secretaries, who’ve all been sitting in their own meetings, run out first and then all the guys to see what caused the commotion.  Jensen stays behind to chuckle quietly, and then jogs outside with everyone else.

“Oh my! It’s okay! I just lost my footing and slipped is all! Sweet Jared saved me.” Mrs. Kimble is obviously embarrassed and pushes past everyone to get back to her cabin, her husband helping her. “I’ll just go get changed. Really, I’m fine.”

Jensen takes off his jacket and throws it around Jared’s shoulders, rubs his arms up and down for warmth. “You’re a total hero now. I saw the whole thing.”

Jared laughs softly and shakes his head, reaches for Jensen’s waist to pull him a little closer. “We were all just talking about swimming over breakfast and she’s the only one of us that can’t really swim. I told her to not get too close to the edge.”

“C’mon, let’s get you outta those wet clothes.” Jensen starts to walk towards their place. “It’s cold out here.”

“I’m freezing.” Jared says, teeth starting to chatter.

Jensen calls out, “Hey guys, I’ll be right back!” and the group just waves him off. He thinks everyone is glad for a little break.

They get inside quickly and Jared starts to strip while Jensen gets a hot shower going. It doesn’t take long for the water to warm and Jared sidesteps Jensen to get in under the spray. He’s completely naked and Jensen was distracted getting a towel so he missed it. And the stupid shower curtain doesn’t show anything because there’s a bunch of small beavers all over it. Damn.

“You all warm now?”

“Yeah,” Jared pokes his head out. “Much better. You headin’ back? Think you’ll still get out early?”

Jensen nods, eyes lingering on bare collarbone. “Uh yep. I’ll see you later. Maybe see if there’re any floaters around here for Mrs. Kimble.”

Jared laughs and Jensen makes his escape. He has to take a few minutes thinking about grandma and paces around the front door before his hard on goes down so he can leave.


The rest of the day goes by fast. Jensen goes over his cases for the last year and presents them well. He’s had a damn good year; otherwise he probably wouldn’t be here. They deliberate and all seem to learn something, point out reasons why someone might’ve lost a case and maybe some key points that hadn’t occurred to them. All in all it’s a good day, but they still leave the conference room impatiently to get most of the afternoon sunshine.

They all scatter with their wives, one couple wants to go cannoning at a larger lake a few miles away, another is renting bikes, and Steve and his wife are going into town to explore. Judy and Susan are going to a spa and Tina is sitting under a tree reading a book.

Jared’s filled their camelbacks, packed some snacks and is in full on hiking gear when Jensen finds him.

“Let’s go! Get changed and gitty up, cowboy!” Jared slaps Jensen on the ass as he heads to get some clothes.

Jensen gets out of his khakis and into some cargo shorts, throws on baseball hat and a t-shirt. “You know I hear that there’re bears up in these woods. We better be careful!” He yells out, mutters under his breath about being attacked and eaten alive.

“Don’t worry,” Jared says, now right behind him and grabs Jensen from behind, his nose running along the shell of Jensen’s ear. “I think I can take on a big bad bear.”

“Yeah, I don’t think we should take our chances.” Jensen angles his head, allowing Jared breathe in deep.

“Dude, I’m 6’4 of pure muscle. I could so take on a grizzly.”

Jensen can feel Jared smile against his neck, warmness right by his pulse. It feels so good to be in the circle of his arms, completely embraced and they just stand there for a few seconds, with Jared’s hands on Jensen’s chest and stomach, leaning into each other. He thinks briefly of the night before, so incredibly hot and open, telling each other their most secret thoughts.

He doesn’t want to, but Jensen breaks the contact and steps out of the hold. “We better go.”

Jared slips his backpack on and opens the front door, letting a stream of bright sun light in. “After you.” He says, slapping Jensen’s ass again when he walks by.

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all.”

Jensen fakes annoyance and rolls his eyes as they walk up the path leading to thick, tall trees. It’s dense, beautiful, and green, like they’re in a different world of serene.

“Hey.” Jared stops, grabs Jensen’s hand and nods towards Tina. “Think she would want to go with us?”

They move towards her until Jensen taps her foot with his and slides his sunglasses up over his head. “C’mon smalls, come on a hike with us.”

“Uhhhh.” Tina pushes her glasses up on her nose. She’s a tiny little thing with red hair and freckles, pale skin and she looks like she could never hurt a fly. “I probably couldn’t really keep up with you guys.”

“Whatever.” Jensen says, smiling. “I know you walk around the parking lot at lunch; I’ve seen the tennis shoes under your desk. It’ll be fun, you’ll keep up fine.”

Tina doesn’t look really enthusiastic but Jensen’s nodding and Jared’s doing the same so eventually she agrees and puts her book away. “Only if you’re sure.”

“Absolutely!” Jared leads the way down the dirt path again and turns to grin at her. “And you can tell me all of Jensen’s dirty work secrets.”

“Oh.” Tina steals a glance at Jensen. “I don’t know about that.”

Jensen laughs and it echoes through the forest. “Don’t tell Jared anything, Tina. He’ll use my arguments against me and then I’ll never win a fight at home again.”

Tina smiles and says, “That must be kinda hard, huh Jared? To be dating a lawyer? I could never do it.”

“Well, I have my ways of winning the really important fights. I have my own secret weapons, ain’t that right, baby?” Jared flirts, stopping to sling an arm around Jensen’s waist and give a good squeeze to an ass cheek.

Jensen yelps and jogs up ahead. “Yeah, like if you could take on a bear or not. There’s not much room to argue with stupidity such as that.”

“I still say I would win.”

“Would not.”

“Would too.”



Tina breaks into giggles. “You guys are really cute together. How long have you been dating?”

“Um.” Jared scratches his head, pretending to think but Jensen’s knows he’s frantically trying to make something up. “I’d say almost a year.”

“Really?” Tina’s surprised.

“Yeah, why?”

Jensen clears his throat. “I just don’t talk a lot about personal stuff at the firm.”


“He really doesn’t,” Tina says, and stops to check out some purple wild flowers. “I was just thinking that it has been these last few months that you’ve seemed really happy.” She grins widely at Jared. “And now I know why.”

“Aw, how cute is that?” Jared moves in for another hug and Jensen lets it happen because Tina’s words stun him. He’s still thinking about what she said, the truth behind it, now out in the open that he’ll have to face sooner or later. Has he been happier now that Jared’s in his life? Jensen always thought he’d be happy alone, in his own little protection bubble, safely hidden away from anything that could hurt him. And now… now Jared’s hands are once again moving down his lower back and right to his --

“Do you have a fixation on my ass today or what?”

“It’s a really hot ass.” Jared replies easily. “And I’m supposed to be your boyfriend, and trust me when I say that anyone who would be allowed to touch that ass would be touching it all the time. It would look really weird if I wasn’t all over it. You. Same thing.” He finishes with actually cupping Jensen, massaging the flesh a little to prove a point.

“Hey should we cross the creek?” Tina’s pointing to a stream with slick looking rocks dotted across it. “Jared, will you save me if I fall in like you did for Mrs. Kimble?”

“Not funny.” Jared frowns, but he goes to help her anyway, holding Tina’s hand and steadying her when she almost stumbles.

The whole hike goes on like that. Jared helps Tina whenever there’s a hill to get down or a slippery path to cross. He takes his time and doesn’t hurry her, points out trees or an eagle flying over head. It’s incredibly endearing.

She comes out of her shell when they sit and have some food, talking about her fiancé and the kids he teaches at the elementary school. Jared tells her all about his boring job at the office and how he’s still fighting to work his way up. They joke and tell stories, and throughout the entire time Jared has his hand on Jensen’s knee, doesn’t seem to even know it’s there, pressing at Jensen’s bare skin and fingertips brushing along his kneecap.

It starts to get late so they head back the way they came; scared of getting lost if they try to circle around since the sun is coming down fast.

“I’m really glad we got to do this. Thanks for asking me to come along.” Tina says once they get back. “I’ll see you in a few hours at the barbeque.”

Jared and Jensen wave and walk slowly back to their cabin. Tina ended up wearing them out and they’re tired, sweaty and really dirty.

“If you let me have the shower first, I’ll give you a million dollars.” Jensen throws the backpack on floor and drops to the couch like a ton of bricks.

“Well you’ve already done just about that, haven’t you?” Jared says it jokingly, but it still stings.

Because there it is. Jensen knew it was too good to be true, for Jared to forget about the deal. That maybe he forgot about the money and the guilt just… went away. That maybe this entire time Jared was acting on true feelings. Jensen’s really good at wishful thinking.

“Jen? What’s up? You gonna hit the shower or what?”

“No, go ahead.” When Jensen tries to talk he realizes that the sting is deeper than he thought, settling in his lungs and making it hard to breathe. “I’ll wait.”

“Hey.” Jared takes his shirt and shoes off, starting to head towards the bathroom. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just hungry and tired.”

“Oh, okay. We’ll shower and lay down for awhile and then it’ll be time for Steven’s famous barbeque sauce I’ve been hearing about all weekend.” Jared had stepped back in the room, is leaning over Jensen now, hands resting on the sofa and hair falling all around his face. He’s smiling, dimples nice and deep and eyes shining blues, gold and greens, all swirled with a dark blue to make the most interesting color.

Jensen is just about to make a grab, haul him down to feel the weight against his body again. He’s aching with want, feels it slam in his gut like a punch to the ribs. But this thing that they have, it’s like a secret they share mostly at night, safely hidden underneath the darkness. Touching Jared now would ruin it, would be too open and honest in broad daylight.

Jared doesn’t seem to notice anything’s wrong once Jensen nods in agreement and a few seconds later the shower turns on.

For the next ten minutes Jensen concentrates on deep breathing, clearing his mind, and telling his damn emotions to fuck off.


Steven’s barbeque really puts everything else to shame. Thankfully he brings buckets of it and since Jared’s practically swimming in the thick gooey sauce, Jensen has to grab a whole roll of paper towel. There’s sauce all over Jared’s mouth and hands, a sticky mess. Of course, he plants a big kiss on the side of Jensen’s cheek.

“Gross, Jay. C’mon, now.” Jensen wrinkles his nose and gets up for a beer after he washes his face.

He sits back down and Jared grabs the beer Jensen had just been drinking, then turns to Robert to continue the conversation about basketball they’d been having.

It’s familiar and Jensen starts to talk to Tina, watches as Jared keeps turning to make sure he’s still there and giving a soft smile.

They’re all down by the lake, sitting in these oversized comfy chairs lined up on the small beach. There’s a bonfire a few feet away and they roast marshmallows for the fun of it. All this time Jensen thought the lawyers he worked with were stuffy and a little stuck up, but they’re actually really down to earth.  Jensen has a few more beers, brings Jared a few too as they make their rounds talking to everyone. Jared can keep up just fine, hold his own, is funny and smart and Jensen watches as he works the crowd.

The couples break off as it gets darker and cooler out. Tina went back to her cabin she’s sharing with the other girls and came back to the dock with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She’s starting to yawn though and looks really sleepy. It’s just the three of them sitting around talking when Jared tries to sit on Jensen’s lap, and then slides his butt over so his legs are still draped across Jensen’s.

“You guys are too sweet. In fact I’m gonna go to bed because I can’t stand it anymore.” Tina gets up and tosses her blanket over to them. “Don’t stay out too late.”

The day has been perfect and Jensen can’t remember a moment in time when he’s felt like this. A thought crosses his mind, how lucky he is right now. How not a lot of people get this kind of a chance, to be this close to a man who takes his breath away. How maybe he should savor it just for awhile, let himself be exposed and welcome the uncertainty that Jared brings to his heart. He gets lost in his mind for a minute, can’t help the yawn that eventually breaks through as he rests his cheek to Jared’s shoulder.

“Hey, you think we should go back?”

“Nah, not yet. We get to sleep in tomorrow, remember?” Jared says, folding the blanket over both of their bodies, arms going around Jensen and a hand sneaking under his t-shirt, knuckles skimming along soft skin. “Let’s stay out here for awhile, enjoy the peace and quiet.”

Jensen relaxes a little, rubs Jared’s arms up and down lazily, feeling the lines of thick veins and follows them with his fingertips. Anticipation is drumming loud in his ears because he knows that if something, anything is going to happen between him and Jared, it’s going to be soon.

“The stars are amazing out here.” Jared whispers, he moves his head forward a little, his chin resting on top of Jensen’s hair. “Today was awesome. Thank you for bringing me. I know this lawyer stuff is really important to you. And the wives totally adore you by the way. They think you’re super cute and handsome and have dreamy green eyes.”


“Oh yeah. We debated for about an hour over your freckles, bowlegs, and perfect face. But in the end, they insisted that your eyes are your best feature. I agreed with them, of course.”

“Because you had to?” Jensen shifts so they’re looking at each other now.

Jared shakes his head. “No. Because it’s the truth.” He runs a finger down Jensen’s temple and across his nose. “Your eyes are the damn near prettiest shade of green I’ve ever seen.”

Jensen blinks slowly at that. “Well according to you, l have a pretty great ass too.”

“Mmm. That’s very true.” Jared’s hands suddenly go from Jensen’s stomach down to his hips, and then shove under his thigh and pinch.

Jensen practically shrieks, which turns into embarrassed laughter. “Stop!”

Stop? Are you kidding? Do you know how much these ladies fell for me?  I think you’ll be set for a long time at this firm. So I don’t think you get to tell me to stop.”

“Jay… seriously.”

“Seriously what, Jen?”

“Nothing… I just--”

“Hey,” Jared says softly, settling down and his mouth is only a few inches away now. “Remember when I mentioned that I’m a good kisser?

Jensen nods and tilts his head. “Yeah.”

“Maybe I can show you?”

Jensen hesitates but doesn’t say anything, can’t say anything even if he wanted to try.

“It’s just a kiss, Jen.” Jared leans in closer. “Just one, tiny, little kiss.” With each word he leans in closer, very slowly until their lips finally meet, with just the slightest amount of pressure. Jensen pulls back with reluctance at first, then lets out a satisfied hum and Jared captures the sound between his lips as they kiss again.

It’s a good kiss too, the second one. Longer and a little more hurried than the one before. There’s more confidence behind it, and Jensen closes his eyes to take it all in, and he’s too lost in Jared to really think about what it all means, to stop and try to analyze what’s going on. God, he just wants this so bad, so much that it hurts.

A few seconds later Jared is the one who interrupts with a muted moan, but quickly recovers and practically dives back for more. His kisses are tantalizing, like a drug Jensen’s sweet on. He knows now that the taste of Jared, this new found craving, will haunt him for years to come.

He already can’t get enough, but maybe with only a simple small kiss, he won’t have much to miss when it’s gone. “I think this is more than just one.” Jensen manages to say between kisses, long ones and short, becoming harder with every press of lips.  He can feel his reservations slipping, quickly forgotten when Jared drags his mouth hotly over Jensen’s again, open and slow, nipping at his bottom lip, sucking at it, trying to push it lower to get in even deeper.

“Fuck just one,” Jared pulls back a little, only to bite at Jensen’s jaw line. “Let’s make out.”

Jensen’s eyes roll up, pleasure striking him with incredible speed. “Jesus, yes that feels good. What if someone catches us?”

“I hope you know how many crude, boring stories I had to listen to yesterday.” Jared says, teeth grazing down Jensen’s neck. “You at least owe me this. And no one can see us. I think.”

“Fuck it. I don’t care. Just kiss me again.” He’s nearly begging now, realizing this might be his only chance at Jared’s mouth. Screw everyone that might have a view, although it’s mostly pitch dark that surrounds them and the fire is almost completely out. He crawls as close as he can get to Jared, threads his fingers through his hair, pulling him in and opening wide because he needs to taste more of him.

Jared pushes his tongue inside Jensen’s mouth, his hands everywhere and he’s making the sweetest noises, desperate and needy. Jensen tries to keep up and it’s so good that he wants to relish in every last second, remember that he’s not imagining this, that this is really happening and isn’t just a fantasy, one he’s had so many times late at night, alone and feeling too guilty to even think about the next day. And Jared kisses exactly like how Jensen imagined he would; perfect and passionate, and so fucking addicting that it slowly becomes an overwhelming rush of intoxicating sensations.

“Wait, wait…” Jensen gasps, the impulse burning too hot.  “We should just. Wait. Or go slow or something.”

“What? Why? It’s been long enough, Jensen.” Jared kisses him again, this time soft. “I want this. C’mere, man. I want you. Really, bad. So fucking hot, fuck.” The kisses get hungrier, tongues meet again and lips collide over and over.

Jensen just goes with it, again, like he could possibly resist. He continues to go with it for another hour, exploring Jared’s mouth like a map with treasures hidden along the way, each gasp, each moan, and each time Jared breaths a little harder, Jensen gives himself a gold star.

The warmth of the blanket over them has nothing on the heat their bodies are producing, radiating together, the kisses turning heavier with every passing minute until Jared lays down the best he can, grabbing at Jensen’s waist and maneuvering until their hips line up, shorts and briefs pushed down enough for his ass to be bare if anything happens to the damn blanket.

And now Jensen can feel Jared’s dick, hot and hard along his own, leaking drops of precome as the heads catch on each other, bumping and fighting for dominance. Jared keeps his hands on Jensen’s hips, tugging him even closer until they’re rubbing together like horny teenagers. Jensen can tell Jared’s trying to hang on, trying to go slower but it’s just not gonna go down like that, not tonight.

Jensen grabs at Jared’s chin, realigns their kiss and bodies for even more impact and then reaches down to slide Jared’s hand from his hip to his ass, leaves it there to squeeze and hear Jared moan as his fingers dig into the dark crevice of his flesh.

 Jensen tenses up, attempts to stop moving if only to hold off coming for a few more seconds. It doesn’t work. “I think I’m gonna come.” He blurts out, feels his neck start to blush red.

“Right now? Oh god, yeah me too. There, Jen I’m gonna come with you, keep going.”

It’s when their tongues twirl together again and their shorts slide down a bit more when Jared comes; quickly followed by Jensen, warm sticky mess all over their stomachs. It’s explosive and so intense, the orgasm rippling through Jensen with an incredible force, causing him to tremble over Jared’s body.

Silence follows until their breathing slows and Jensen can’t really help himself. “Did that just really happen?”

Jared laughs and blows hair out of his eyes. “Yes it did. Finally.”

“Finally? Does that mean… well, what exactly does that mean?”

“I dunno.” Jared leans up to kiss him, chaste and lingering. “It means that I’m tired and gonna start talkin’ outta my ass. Bed time, baby.” He yawns and moves, Jensen having no choice but to get up too.

They untangle from under the blanket, leaving it on the chair and silently walk back with come on their bellies, holding hands and Jensen has to keep his knees from buckling under him. It’s not often he experiences an orgasm like that.

Once they reach the cabin, Jared yawns again, takes his shorts and shirt off, drops into bed and collapses on top of Jensen, letting out a pleased little grunt and falls asleep.

Jensen debates whether he should freak out or not and decides if he’s going to have a panic attack, he’d rather have it during the day.

Except the next morning, which is actually only a few hours later, Jared kisses Jensen awake, slow deep and steady, and they have a repeat session of the night before, except this is so much better because now they’re actually in a bed with room to move as they please. This time, in the heat of the moment Jensen slides his hands under Jared’s briefs, grabs at his ass cheeks, spreads them apart, and almost gets enough nerve to push his finger right on Jared’s pretty pink—

He doesn’t get a chance before Jared’s coming again, groaning Jen and bucking his hips, a chorus of oh god, oh god, ah, ah, ah filling Jensen’s ears, the creaking of the bed becoming background noise in favor of Jared’s constant string of short groans and shallow breaths.

After, Jensen comes again too, with Jared’s hand circling his shaft, fingers push-pulling in a throbbing fist of heat; he starts to protest once the post orgasmic haze starts to fade off. “We really shouldn’t be doing this.”

Jared quiets him down, tone convincing. “Let’s just try to have some fun for what’s left of the weekend, huh? We have to drive back in a few hours.” He mouths along the column of Jensen’s neck, tongue flicking across his collarbone. “And then when we get back to the real world we can talk about it. But for now…” Jared finishes with a deep, wet, long kiss instead of words.

And Jensen can’t manage to breathe let alone try and make up an argument for that. Because after a long time of not letting himself want this, of wanting Jared, he finally gives in a little.


The week after the retreat is all catching up on paperwork and missed phone calls while Jensen was away. He’s dealing with these clients who are so rich it’s disgusting, and the really disturbing reason behind the divorce is because the husband cheated with the maid when his wife was battling cancer. She recovered just fine but now she wants revenge and Jensen can’t really blame her. If he’s not in the office, he’s constantly checking e-mails on his phone and barely has time to think, eat or sleep he’s so swamped.

This also means that he has been so busy that he is living blissfully in denial to avoid having the talk with Jared at all costs.

That plan lasts all about two days. Jared’s been spending the night on Wednesdays for the last few months now and Jensen’s trying to think of a way to get out of it without this whole thing blowing up in his living room. It’s late, they’ve eaten dinner, watched some TV, and Jensen knows this routine like the back of his hand.

When Jared gets sleepy, he sprawls out and his talk gets lazy, voice pitched all low and soft. He yawns exactly three times before he gets up and stretches, and that’s a sure sign that he’s about to go upstairs.

“You comin’ up?”

Jensen nods because he’s a chicken shit and goes about his own nightly ritual, making sure all the doors are locked, the coffee maker is on and the lights are out. He heads up the stairs slowly, stops when he reaches the top and takes a deep breath. Jared’s clothes are in a pile by the dresser, briefs included and the sight of Jared lying in his bed, navy sheets barely pulled up to his hips makes Jensen’s stomach flutter and swirl.

But he can’t not say something. “I’m thinkin’ this isn’t such a great idea.”

“What’s not a good idea?”

“Uh.” Jensen circles the room, doesn’t get anywhere near the bed. “You’re naked.”


“And that wasn’t a part of the deal, remember? Cuddling, holding hands… those things require clothes. It’s like you’re paying me back with sex. And that’s so many kinds of wrong.”

Jared sits up and adjusts the pillows behind his back. Jensen tries not to get distracted by his chest, huge pecs and defined abs, leading down in perfect lines of muscle to his crotch.

“Jen, do you seriously think that’s why I’m naked right now? That’s why I kissed you this weekend? Because of the money?”

They’re very simple questions, but somehow Jensen knows he’s going to get it wrong. “Yes?”

Jared sighs, almost exasperated and looks at Jensen like he’s clueless. “You’re so dumb.”

“Excuse me?” Jensen puts his hands on his hips. “You trying to piss me off now?”

“No, no, no.” Jared shakes his head, brings his knees up so he can lean his elbows on them. “Will you just come here? Please? Just sit down. You’re making me nervous. I know you’ve been avoiding me for the last few days but damn, I didn’t know this is what you were thinking about.”

Jensen glares, but sits down at the bottom of the bed and waits for an explanation.

“Okay so yeah, at the start of this whole thing I kinda flirted with you a little more than I should have just because I knew you liked it and I wanted to make you feel good. I’ve never had a friend loan me that kind of money before, Jensen. I thought that I was gonna have to move and eat soup the rest of my life. No one else would have trusted me like that, not even my own family, and you just offered the money to me like it was nothing.”

“I kinda figured out all of this before, Jay.” Jensen says. “You were struggling and I could help, it’s not that big of a deal. And it still doesn’t explain why you’re naked and in my bed right now.”

Jared bites his bottom lip and looks down. “The flirting was fun at first and I needed to do it, but then I kinda…”

“You didn’t need to do anything.” Jensen says.

“I know that. But I felt like I should and then I just… wanted to I guess.”

“You wanted to what?”

“I wanted to sleep with you and touch you and be with you and kiss you. All the time. Like, I can’t stop thinking about it, maybe even a little before I suggested the deal.  And I’m pretty sure that I’m starting to fall for y--”

“No!” Jensen jumps up from the bed, not wanting to hear it. “Don’t say it.”

Jared just looks at him with sad eyes until Jensen stops pacing back and forth. “You. Hardcore, Jen. Like serious butterflies in my stomach, hearts and rainbows and shooting stars.”

“That’s so gay,” Jensen says, trying to make sense of this, even though he’s thought the same thing for months now. “And you’re not gay. You’re straight and I have a dick so you can’t have feelings for me.”

“I may not have admitted I’m bi when we met, but since all I can think about is your ass and cock… well, I’m thinkin’ that makes me pretty gay right now. And also? I fooled around with a few guys back in college, nothing too serious, but I’ve been bi for awhile now.”

Jensen feels like he just got physically kicked in the gut. “Are you fucking with me? That’s not possible. You’re lying. Why the hell didn’t you tell me that before?”

“You never asked.”

“That’s such bullshit, Jared! And too fucking convenient. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy it.”

“What’s there to buy? My sister’s a freaking lesbian, so it’s not like I grew up in a house with strict rules about who we date. You can ask my mom, I even brought a boyfriend home for dinner my second year of college. I thought it was a phase, but I’m guessing not.”

Jensen shakes his head, still not believing a word he’s hearing. “I don’t understand why you’ve never said anything.”

“Because I knew that you would have never accepted the whole deal thing. I knew you’d be afraid that it might lead to more. And I know you have a big ole fat crush on me, and I know you’re scared shitless of commitment.”

“I am not.” Damn him, Jensen thinks.  

Jared tilts his head and smiles.

“Okay, so maybe I am. A little. But I have every fucking right to be.”

“Why? Because that douche broke up with you a dozen years ago? I think it’s time to move on, Jen.”

“I have moved on, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it? Why’d you get all weird when I told you that I’m falling for you? I saw your face when I kissed you by the lake, and you were about to flip the fuck out for a minute.”

Jensen opens his mouth only to shut it again. He doesn’t want to tell Jared why he’s so scared. It’ll make him look like such a loser wimp.

“Jen, just talk to me. C’mon, man.” Jared reaches for Jensen’s hand, but it feels like they’re miles apart instead of only a few feet. “We tell each other everything.”

“Not everything, apparently.” Jensen huffs. He can’t believe Jared never said anything about being gay before. Not that a lot of guys would actually admit to having a homosexual past and Jared’s probably right about Jensen not going along with payback deal. But it still sucks.

“Okay, you’re pissed. I get that. You want me to go back to my place? I probably won’t sleep at all, just to let you know, and then I’ll sleep through my alarm and be late for work, probably get fired and maybe get run over by a bus.” Jared makes another attempt to reach for Jensen. “Will you just lay down with me? Let’s not go to bed mad, can’t break one of the most sacred rules.”

Jensen has too much information processing in his brain and it’s making him tired, and too sleepy to kick Jared out. He probably wouldn’t sleep either if Jared isn’t here, so there’s not much he can do besides letting his body fall onto hard muscle and forgive him just a little.

Jared seems extremely content to lie there too, until he pushes Jensen to his back and wrestles him in for a hug, complete with a soft slow kiss on the mouth.

“Whatever it is, Jen, whatever makes you not want to be with me, I’m willing to work it out somehow. I can change if you want me to, I’ll work overtime to pay you back the money so you know I’m serious about wanting this, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Jensen doesn’t have the strength to tell Jared that it’s not him and there’s nothing he could do. Instead he kisses him again, spreads his legs and lets Jared rest close and hold him, comforting in a way. It feels real enough, like Jared really wants to be here and some of the betrayal Jensen was blindsided with simmers down.

It’s so easy to dream in a cloud of bliss rather than the dark cold mountain of truth.


It’s Saturday morning when Jared ends up in his bed again, this time obviously horny and rather aggressive.

They hadn’t really gotten the chance to talk more, which is just fine with Jensen, at least until he sorts out the shit in his brain. So for now, he thinks coming again would be really awesome, especially from someone who actually likes him.

And Jared seems to really, really like him.

“Told you I’m a good kisser.”

Jensen’s concentrating on getting his clothes off and Jared immediately pouts when his comment is dismissed.

“Sorry, what’d you say?”

“I said…”

He’s thrown on the bed, chest pushed down with Jared’s big hand while the other wraps around his dick.

“That I was right about being a good kisser.”

Jensen whole heartedly agrees with that, nods eagerly as Jared opens his mouth wide, doesn’t tease and doesn’t go slow. He sucks the head of Jensen’s dick between his lips, flicks his tongue repeatedly until he goes further down the base, licking along the way and coating Jensen’s skin with wet saliva. Jared doesn’t miss much skin either. He spends a good amount of time paying attention to Jensen’s cock, loving and worshiping it until it’s rock hard. Then he moves down, sucks on Jensen’s balls, rolling them in his hands once he gets to the main event.

It’s messy and perfect, gentle echo of kisses and licks filling the room and Jensen can hardly hold on, knuckles turning white from gripping the mattress so hard. He’s laid out for Jared, legs pushed apart and the way Jared continues to taste him only gives Jensen more confidence to set his own motion and thrust towards Jared’s mouth.

Jensen lets out a startled gasp as he feels Jared slip home, stretching his hole out with that massive tongue of his, thrusting it in and out, kissing around the rim and then diving back in with pure enthusiasm. Moaning around it, eating Jensen out with hands sliding all over him, never stopping or missing a beat, fingers now deep in Jensen’s ass and pulsating cock down Jared’s throat.

Coming feels like a damn near explosion, little tingles bursting throughout Jensen’s body in the most satisfying, rolling waves. He doubts his dick has ever been this hard before and he looks down, amazed at how red and thick it is, spurting high and long across his chest and down Jared’s chin.

It only takes a minute before Jensen reaches for Jared’s dick, finding it already sticky and soft, the sheets by his feet a wet mess.

“Give me five minutes.” Jared says with a hot kiss, hand on top of Jensen’s to keep kneading at his spent cock. “Damn that feels good, I love having your hands on me.” He drags Jensen’s other hand to his back, leads it down to his ass and Jensen takes over from there.

“You want my hand here too?”

They kiss again as Jared nods, his hips pivoting faster and faster when Jensen touches his hole. “You need lube?”

“No, but I’m gonna come.” Jared squeezes his eyes shut. “Again.”

“So soon?”

“Just keep doing that. Press in.”

Jensen does, just slightly and Jared lets out a whimper. “More. God, Jen, I need more, I need all of you, c’mon, want you inside of me.”

It’s then when Jensen realizes his recovery time is just as fast as Jared’s. They come almost together, lips locked and panting for breath.

A few hours later it’s the same thing all over again and before they know it, a whole day has gone by while they lay in bed, definitely not sleeping.

It’s late that evening when Jensen wants to get Jared off fast and hard to call it a night and get some dinner, but Jared shakes his head like he knows exactly what he wants, like he’s been thinking about it for the past few hours. He gets the lube that had already been used multiple times today, opens it and slicks up two of Jensen’s fingers.

“Just these. Wanna fuck these. Stay still for me.” Jared turns around, tosses the come stained sheets off the bed and gets up on his hands and knees. He backs up towards Jensen, tight ass completely on display and his hole fucks down right on Jensen’s pointed fingers. He moans when he thrusts back up and again when he sinks down, a few more times and it becomes a slick hot mess with Jared whimpering and writhing.

Jensen keeps his hand very still, lets Jared fuck him at the pace he wants and just watches the show. Jared goes at such a slow tempo and then speeds up faster, like he can’t decide which is better. It takes all of Jensen’s willpower not to move much, but when Jared takes the length of his fingers all the way to his knuckles, letting out the most satisfied groan, Jensen’s other hand fists his own cock and starts to stroke.

They come at almost the same time again, pulsing and hard, Jensen seeing white as the rolling intensity ripples through him. Jared drops on to the bed and gasps for air, toes curling and almost shivering until he pulls his ass away.

It’s only twenty minutes shortly after when Jared demands food at the little Mexican place down the street and makes Jensen go with him. The place is small, quiet and the margaritas are killer, so after some persuading and a solid trail of hickies down Jensen’s neck, he finally agrees.

They get a table in the back and an older couple sitting across the way is the only other people in the restaurant. Jared orders nachos as soon as they sit down. He eats about half the plate once it’s put in front of him and Jensen just stares with amusement.

“What? You wore me out today. I’m hungry.” Jared shifts. “And a little sore.”

Jensen nearly spits out his drink. “You wanted me to play with your--”

“My what?” Jared smirks. “My ass? Oh it was worth being sore. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard, baby, thank you.”

Jensen turns bright red and takes a big gulp of strawberry margarita.

Jared coughs to clear his throat and smiles again. “So I was thinking. All the girls at the office have been bugging me about meeting you so maybe we can go to this bar they’re always telling me about next week.”

“They know about me?” Jensen can’t contain his surprise, swallows nervously.

“Well yeah, I kinda told them that I have a boyfriend—What’s wrong?”

“Uh,” Jensen sits up straighter and keeps his eyes focused right on Jared’s, silently searching for confirmation of something he isn’t sure he can believe just yet. “I don’t think we’re exactly boyfriends… right?”

“Uh, wrong.” Jared slams his fork down, the loud noise jolting. “Jesus, we just spent the whole day in bed together.”

Jensen nods slowly and bites at his bottom lip. “I know, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re like, together.”

“It does in my book.” Jared closes his eyes, sighs and starts again. “I’m sorry. I know you have issues with relationships or something.”

The fact that Jared brings this up again is alarming. The first time Jared called Jensen out on his commitment issues, Jensen chose to ignore it, sidestepped it like a bump in the road. He feels like an open book around Jared, a thousand pages flipping in the wind and it makes him want to close the cover, bind and lock it tight. That would mean shutting Jared completely out though and Jensen doesn’t think he can do that either.

“Jared, it’s more complicated than that.”

“Wanna explain it to me then? I know it can’t be about the money because I already told you what we have has nothing to do with the loan. So what is it? I’m not some stupid jock; I think I’ll be able to keep up.”

“It’s not that,” Jensen starts to get frustrated and from the look Jared’s giving him now, he’s feeling the same way. “Okay look, see that couple over there?” Jensen points to the old lady and man, who are eating their guacamole one bite at a time.

“Yeah, I see ‘em”

“They’re what, like fifty or sixty years old? I bet they’ve been married for at least thirty years, ten of them good and twenty of them miserable. I really doubt it’s still all that great anymore because they haven’t spoken to each other since we got here.”

Jared’s forehead is crinkled, obviously not understanding at all. “What’re you saying?”

“I’m saying…” Jensen tries to find his words. “I’m saying that even if things are awesome now and yeah, we get along and you’re like, my best friend… I’m saying that people change. They morph into these nasty, cheating liars because they get bored or think with their dicks. I bet that couple over there started out just fine in their marriage but now? I bet they would do anything to get out. It’s sad, man. I see it every day and it ain’t pretty.”

Jared stays quiet for a few seconds, looking down at his napkin, processing his thoughts. Once he does he looks up and says, “You know that’s total crap, right?”


“I know you’re a divorce lawyer and I get that, okay? I really understand it. But you just see everyone who doesn’t make it. You see them at their worst and don’t ever think about the folks who actually do make it.” Jared slides his foot under the table to lean against Jensen’s. “Like my parents for example, my mom was super happy until my dad died--”

Jensen raises his eyebrows and throws an olive in his mouth, chomping on it with some smugness.

“Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best example but your parents are happy. You’ve told me that before.”

“Yeah, so they let me believe. Who knows what really happens behind closed doors.”

“Jen, are you telling me that no one is happy? That they’re all just living a lie?”

Now it’s Jensen who processes. “Well when you put it like that…”

“I’m right?” Jared looks so hopeful. “We can be boyfriends now?” He leans over the table and plants a kiss on Jensen’s mouth.

“Um. Okay. Yeah, sure.”

Jared laughs, free and loud. “That was really convincing, Jen.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. Yeah, I like you. I like you a lot. But I can’t risk everything for what? A few months of lust and then years of grief? I’ve already done that and it hurt too much, Jay. I can’t do it again.”

Jared reaches out across the table and grabs Jensen’s hand. “And it’s not worth it? Am I not worth taking that risk? Maybe we’ll be that one couple that doesn’t come into your office, doesn’t even think about getting a divorce lawyer because we’re just so in love.”

“Why is it worth the possibility that this might end up ugly, Jay? How can you be so sure?” It almost hurts to say it, but Jensen figures he doesn’t have anything to lose.

“Because I see the way you look at me. You’ve been looking at me like we belong together for the last two years, way before we started spending the night in the same bed. And so yep, I want to take the risk. You ready to go?” Jared sounds so sure of himself. He gets out his wallet to pay the bill and tip the waitress.

Jensen gets up slowly. He was expecting a quick bite to eat and now he feels like he’s just gotten a life lesson. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Jared grabs his hand when they leave and doesn’t let go in the car. “Hey Jen, remember that feeling when you first learned how to drive, and how you have to get on the freeway scared shitless where there’s bumper to bumper traffic and you’re all the way over to the left and ya gotta inch your way over to the right for the exit, and you’re gonna miss it if you don’t start moving?” Jared pauses and then, “Or the cars are going like a hundred miles an hour and there’re huge trucks everywhere, but you still gotta merge? It’s scary but you make the decision that you gotta do it, push your way through and make it over safe n’sound. Well, that’s us. I’m safe and you just gotta cross the lanes to get to me.”

Jensen thinks about it and appreciates the effort Jared obviously put in that analogy. “Wow. You really are gay, huh? I can’t believe I missed that.”

Jared grabs Jensen’s kneecap and squeezes hard, keeping the other hand on the steering wheel. “You’re a little shit.”

“Aw, love you too, baby.”

Jared winks as he changes lanes. “Knew you’d come around.”


About a month passes before they get into their first fight. In the meantime, Jensen lets Jared think that they’re boyfriends, even if he’s still fairly unsure about the whole thing.

Jensen has another case that’s going to be long and is working with Kimble on it because it’s definitely a job for two lawyers. The result is that Jensen spends a lot of time on his phone and computer, emailing back and forth.

And Jensen’s never had someone who wanted his full attention before, let alone someone such as Jared who is like a child and demands it.

So when Jensen refuses to put his phone down during dinner, Jared almost loses his patience.

“Jen, can you put the phone away for a minute?”

Jensen’s too busy texting to respond.

“We’re about to eat, can you at least put it down during dinner?”


“I wish I could smash that thing against the wall.”


“Jensen, I swear to god, if you don’t shut that fucking phone off I’m gonna freak the fuck out!”

“What’s up?” Jensen finally glances up. “What’s the problem?”

“I haven’t seen you all week and that thing is fucking glued to your hand. I’m surprised you haven’t sprouted an antenna out your ass or something.”

“Hey.” Jensen barks, surprised at the force behind it. “It’s not like I’m playing Words With fucking Friends or some shit, I’m working.”

“You’re always working!” Jared slams a sauce pan on the stove. “I miss you, you fucker!”

Jensen sighs and puts down the phone, walks to Jared and corners him against the counter. “You feeling neglected?”

“Yes. I am. And you don’t seem to care.”

“I care.” Jensen leans in for a kiss, but Jared turns his head. “Oh c’mon. You’re really that mad?”

Jared shrugs and pouts. “Try to kiss me again.”

Jensen sighs and leans in, this time capturing Jared’s mouth in a slow lazy kiss. “Am I forgiven now?”

“Tastes so much sweeter when you kiss me.” Jared smiles and starts to walk away. “Oh, and when I’m right.”

Jensen hooks a finger through Jared’s belt loop and pulls him back for another kiss. “You’re very right, I’m sorry.”

“That was way too easy. What’s the catch?”

“No catch.” Jensen kisses down Jared’s neck. “It’s just that you taste pretty sweet too, and it’s obvious that you like me if you put up with my bullshit.”

“But you’re working, remember? That important case you won’t tell me about.”

“Work can wait,” Jensen says, pushing up Jared’s shirt over his head and then sinking down on his knees. “You can’t.”

Jared’s legs buckle when Jensen goes down, working his tongue like a pro and making Jared moan like he means it.

All in all, it was a pretty decent fight.

Later in bed that night, Jensen can’t sleep and Jared is wrapped tightly around him. Too tight and Jensen can’t breathe. Plus, Jared’s like a human heater always dialed to the highest setting. He’s uncomfortable and constricted in his own bed, hot and sweaty, stuffy and just needs some fresh air before he explodes.

“Hey, where you goin?” Jared pulls Jensen back down and snuggles up to him.

“Gonna go downstairs for a minute, I’ll be right back.”

“Mmm. Don’t leave.” Jared rubs his nose against Jensen’s bare shoulder and quickly starts to snore again.

Jensen wants to please Jared and stay still, stay in bed with him. But he’s used to being alone and not having to pretend to be happy when he’s really not.  “Jay, let me up. I’m too hot. Jay. JAY!”

Jared sits up, totally confused. “What? What happened?”

“I need some air, just move for a minute.” Jensen squirms out of his hold and goes to the open window. He feels awful and out of his element. These are the reasons he doesn’t have a boyfriend. He isn’t good in these types of situations and every time he had a panic attack about work in the past, it didn’t end well. Jensen assumes Jared will be pissed at him for being such a freak.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing, I just couldn’t breathe. Your crazy arms are all over me.”

“It never bothered you before. You love my arms. Remember when you got all hot for my elbows and we--”

“Okay, okay, yes I remember.” Jensen takes a deep breath, letting the fresh air cool his overheated face. “Look, it’s not you. I just couldn’t sleep.”


Jensen shrugs. He doesn’t want to let Jared in, resists opening his mouth because anything that will come out now he doesn’t want Jared to hear.

“Because of work?” Jared guesses.


“Well then why don’t you tell me about the case? I know it’s a big one.”

Jensen leans his head against the cool screen. “Nah, you go back to sleep.”

“Why don’t you ever tell me about what’s going on at the firm? How come you always change the subject or distract me with sex?” Jared props himself up, his chin resting on his fist.

“It’s all a little boring, don’t you think? And you shouldn’t complain about the sex,” Jensen says, hopes that Jared just drops it.

“Trust me, I’m not complaining but I am wondering what’s up. And maybe I should decide if your work is boring or not. And if it’s so boring,” Jared looks at the clock. “It’s late enough that you’ll put us right back to sleep.”

“Fine…” Jensen leaves the window open, but crawls back into bed. This should be good. Jared will cringe and pull away, not really wanting to know what Jensen’s dealing with or maybe find it lame and not interesting at all. “So there’s this guy who--”

“Wait, am I gonna get yelled at if I do this?” Jared shifts so Jensen’s lying on top of him, long arms draped across his back.

“Shut up.” Jensen can’t help it and kisses the corner of Jared’s mouth. He doesn’t look frightened yet and his arms really do feel good. “So there’s this guy who cheated on his wife with the nanny, and the nanny was sleeping with the husband and the couple’s eighteen year old son and then got pregnant. No idea who the father is and the wife is freaking out.”

“Yikes.” Jared does flinch at that, but slides his hand up and down Jensen’s back soothingly. “That shit’s heavy. No wonder you have trouble sleeping. How can you consider that boring?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re right,” Jensen kisses him again, just for not rolling his eyes or something. “It’s not boring.”

“You’re not boring either, you know that right? I always want to hear about what’s on your mind, doesn’t matter what it is.”

Jensen nods and kicks the blanket up over their bodies, starting to trust that maybe Jared is telling the truth. “I’m cold now.”

“Don’t worry, babe. I’ll keep you warm. Now tell me more about this case. I want to know all about it, and don’t leave out any details.”

Jensen talks for nearly two hours, the suffocating feeling forgotten when Jared gives him room to speak freely, nodding along and asking all the right questions. Jensen hasn’t had someone pay this much attention to him in a long time and he doesn’t want to admit it, but it feels good to be heard, to be important in someone else’s life.

If this is what it means to be Jared’s boyfriend then well, maybe Jensen can live with it.


Jared’s mom dies on a Thursday in the early afternoon. He gets a call at work and flies out two hours later. Jensen’s in court until four and doesn’t get the message until he’s leaving downtown. He feels like a total ass that it takes so long to call Jared back, and Jared doesn’t answer because he’s probably still on the plane.

Jensen paces in his office back and forth trying to decide what to do. He’d gladly hop on a plane too but has no idea of where he’d go after that.

Tina comes in and offers her advice, but Jensen shoos her out of his office when she thinks sending a cactus would be a good idea.

About an hour later his phone finally rings and Jensen almost knocks himself unconscious trying to get to it. “I’m so sorry, Jay, god I can’t even believe this is happening. Are you okay? I’ll catch a flight as soon as I can.”

“Babe, I’m fine.” Jared sniffs and Jensen can tell he’s wiping his nose on his sleeve. “We all knew it was coming, we just didn’t think it’d happen so fast. The funeral is this weekend and I should be home by Monday so there’s no reason for you to come out here, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jensen asks. “Just tell me if there’s anything I can do and I’ll do it, Jay, you know that.”

“I know. Just be there for me when I get back, okay? That’s all I need. Hey, I gotta go.” There’s a voice in the background and Jensen thinks its Jared’s sister.

“Okay, I’ll call you later.”

The line goes dead and Jensen is at a loss of what to do with himself. He contemplates getting on a plane anyway, but he’s not too sure if Jared would like for his family to meet his gay lover at a time like this.

Jensen gets a coffee instead and throws himself into his work so he can take a few days off next week. He figures Jared will appreciate him being around, but in order to do that Jensen will have to put in a twelve hour day and work through the weekend, which he is totally willing to do. Steven and Craig are cool with it too, and even tell Jensen to give Jared their sympathy.

It’s a long few days without Jared around, but they talk every day. It’s only short conversations and it’s not until late at night when Jared can escape his family and vent to Jensen about it for a few minutes.

“God, everything is such a cluster fuck today. I can’t wait until this is over.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to be there? I’ll go to the airport right now.” Jensen feels like he has said this at least twenty times now, each time more serious than before.

“I know you would and I appreciate it, but now is not the time for my family to meet you. Everyone is a mess and they wouldn’t be great company right now. I don’t want them to offend you or something.”

“It doesn’t matter. I understand what they’re going through.”

Jared sighs. “I know that too. I just… want it to be fun when you meet them, it should be a happy event; the opposite of a funeral.”

“Okay, I get it. I miss you though.”

“Really?” Jared usually brightens when Jensen tells him sappy shit like that, but this time his tone remains sad. “You sure?”

“Yeah, Jay, of course I’m sure. Why would you ask me that?” Jensen’s stomach sinks and he grips the phone tight with panic.

“Well, I’ve had a lot of time to think out here… about everything.” Jared clears his throat, but doesn’t stammer when he says, “And I’m thinking that I might just stay.”

Jensen can hardly breathe, his legs start to tremble and he slowly sits down on the counter, toothbrush left forgotten by the sink. “You might stay? Where? In California? To live there?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I mean, school is over, which is why I moved in the first place. I could live in mom’s house now and I’d be closer to the family.”

The air seems too thick and heavy in the small room, Jensen’s mouth goes completely dry but he knows that this is his chance to make it right. “Would it make a difference if I told you how I felt about you?”

“Depends.” Jared’s voice is still very flat. “You gonna tell me more about how relationships don’t work? How you want to keep this casual?”

“I’ve never said that.”

“Not in so many words, but there’s only so many ways you can go around it, Jensen. I need to know.”

“It’s… not—I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“That’s the sad part.” Jared explains softly and Jensen wishes so badly that he was there right now. But maybe it’s a good thing that they can’t see each other, that Jared can’t see his eyes start to water. “It shouldn’t be this complicated. I can’t always be the one to see how simple it really is. Do you think I haven’t noticed how reluctant you are sometimes? That still, after all this time, you don’t really see us together? I just lost my mom, Jen. I don’t wanna lose you as well, especially when I sometimes have the feeling that I don’t even have you at all.”

Jensen lets Jared’s words sink in, continues to struggle with finding the right thing to say, and searches the patterns on the tile floor for help.

Jared breathes in a deep sigh again, frustrated now. “Jen, should I move back to California?”

“No!” That part was easy.

“Why?” Jared asks. “I just need you to tell me why.”

“Because.” Jensen hangs his head in defeat. He fought so hard not to get back to this place, to be so vulnerable again. And now that he’s here, he can’t let go, not when Jared means this much to him. “Because I need you so bad that it scares the shit outta me, Jay. Because I want you more than anything this world could offer. Because I’m so far fucking completely gone for you that I’m willing to risk getting my heart stomped on all over again to be with you. I think you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I knew the second you locked yourself out and knocked on my door that I wanted to be with you forever. Should I keep going?”

Jared laughs softly and it’s like music to Jensen’s ears. “No, that was just fine. I’ll come back home, just had to make sure we’re on the same page n’all.”

“You know that we are.”

“Maybe. But I had to hear you say it.”

“You’re an ass. And you know what? If you really did want to stay there, I’d find a way to make it work. There’re plenty of firms in California I could work at, hell I’m sure divorce lawyers are a dime a dozen there.”

“God, Jen.” Jared half laughs and sobs at the same time. “You don’t know how much hearing you say that means to me. I really wish that I was there right now.”

“Me too.”

The phone is muffled and Jensen listens closely to the sound of Jared inhaling deeply, and then letting out a content purring sound. “What are you doing?”

“Smelling your stupid Trust me, I’m a Lawyer hoodie I brought with me. I sleep with it at night. It keeps me warm.”

“Oh god, I just declared my love to a psycho. Did you take my underwear too?”

“No, I’m not that crazy.”

“You’re not?” Jensen asks with some seriousness, wanting to hear Jared say it too.

“Maybe only for you.”


He gets home almost at midnight on Monday and Jensen picks him up from the airport wearing tight jeans, even a tighter thin white t-shirt, a leather jacket with tons of useless zippers, and a grey cap he threw on to hide his unruly hair. He’s lost in his thoughts when he hears, “Jen!” and there’s Jared towering over a crowd of people.

They kiss briefly before wrapping each other up in their arms, standing and swaying together in the middle of baggage claim.

“You okay? I missed you.”

Jared nods and it looks like he’s been up for five days straight. His beard grew out again and his eyes are bloodshot from sleep deprivation. “God, damn you look smokin’ hot, Jen. You trying to kill me?”

“No, just tryin’ to distract you a little.”

“It worked.” Jensen can feel Jared smile against his neck, the warmth of his skin.

He pulls away, but his hands don’t leave Jensen’s.  “So … I want you to meet someone. We decided early this morning that she’d come with me to live here for awhile.” Jared sidesteps and sees a cute, younger girl with blonde hair and glasses. “This is my sister, Megan.”

“Hi!” Jensen greets with surprise and shakes her hand. She looks just as beat down as Jared.

“Hello.” She gives a polite grin and hands Jared her backpack. “Can you hold this a minute? I need to use the bathroom.”

Jensen takes it for her and swings it over his shoulder. “It’s right down that hallway. See the sign?”

Megan smiles her thanks and takes off quickly.

“I know this is weird, I hope you don’t mind.” Jared says, resting his hands on Jensen’s lower back. “I didn’t have time to call. She’s a mess and will probably just stay for a few weeks. Her and mom were really close and her lesbian-friend-partner whatever broke up with her a few weeks ago so she doesn’t really have anyone right now.”

“Hey, its fine, Jay. Whatever you need. I’m here.”

“Thank you.” Jared falls into Jensen’s arms again and they hold each other until some old guy gives them an evil glare. “Let’s get our bags and get the hell outta here.”

The drive home is quiet and Jensen’s glad he drove because Jared and Megan both fall asleep. They get her settled in Jared’s bed and she goes easily, mumbling something about her mom.  Jared kisses her on the forehead and smoothes her hair down before going back downstairs.

“You think I can crash with you tonight?”

“You don’t even have to ask. C’mon, I have a sandwich waiting for you in my fridge.”

Jared looks relieved and he downs the food within a few seconds once it’s in reach. He holds Jensen’s hand when they climb the stairs and even after they fall into bed, he doesn’t let go.

Except when he feels something squishy under his back. “What’s this?”

“Uh, just something to make you feel better. It’s stupid.” Jensen cringes at how stupid it is. He bought it at the grocery store this morning on a whim for a buck and a quarter.

Jared looks like a little kid when he pulls the small stuffed animal out from underneath him. It’s a lamb with really big doe-eyes and a pink goofy smile.

“I just thought it might cheer you up. Ya know, cuz you call me your--”

“Sweet little lamb.” Jared finishes, looking just as dumb as the stuffed animal. “Can we call it baby Jensen?”

“No. I told you it was stupid.” Jensen grabs it and throws it across the room.

Jared shakes his head and mauls Jensen down on the bed, then gives him a long kiss. “It’s not stupid. I love it. Maybe I love you too.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, kisses him again. “You don’t love me. You’re just an emotional wreck.”

“I’m so taking that ‘I love you’ back.”

“Yeah, you sit on that for awhile.”

They kiss some more, mouths open, missing each other so evident in the exchange of heat.

“What time do you have to be at work tomorrow?” Jared asks, pulling away to nip down Jensen’s neck.

“I took the week off. Figured you might need some company.”

Jared stops and looks at him. “Really?”

Once Jensen nods, Jared goes in for a really deep kiss, breathing through his nose and pressing his lips to Jensen’s almost desperately. “God, maybe I do love you a little bit.”

Jensen’s a little dazed and has trouble processing. “Huh?”

“I was worried how I’d help my sister get back on her feet, but it’ll be better if you’re around. Thank you, I know you musta worked your ass off for that time. You sure that you wanna spend your days off on me?”

“Can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”

Jared’s tired and Jensen knows that, but it doesn’t mean he won’t get hard, and he does… just because they’re lying down together. It’s like his body is knows that Jensen plus the bed can now equal sex.

“I missed you so much.” Jared whispers, rolling on top of Jensen and pressing their bodies close. “Shoulda let you come out with me.”

Jensen smiles, wraps his arms around Jared’s massive shoulders to hold on tight. “I coulda told you that.”

“So smart,” Jared leans in for a kiss, his long hair falling all around his face. “And gorgeous. Thought about you every night.”

They kiss until Jensen pulls back only to trace his fingertips across Jared’s lips, then knuckles brush along his cheekbone. “Thought about you too. You were all I could think about.”

Jared closes his eyes and his body slumps down, exhaustion taking over.

“I wanna take care of you.” Jensen says softly. “Just tell me what you need.”

A small smile appears and Jared moves fully off of Jensen to lie on his back. “I just need you, baby.”

Jensen sits up and crosses his legs at Jared’s side. “Is that all?” He asks, raking his nails across Jared’s nipples, stopping to tease and pinch.

“Mmm… maybe an orgasm would be nice.”

 “I think I can handle that.” Jensen moves closer and grabs at Jared’s dick, ready to give the best, most leisurely hand job ever. His own cock is standing straight, hard and leaking but this is all about Jared right now. “Any requests?” He asks, swirling his thumb across the head and spreading small drops of precome until the tip is shiny.

Jared shakes his head but lifts one knee and lets it fall to the side. It’s a subtle suggestion if Jensen ever saw one and he spits on two of his fingers, gets them nice and wet before he rubs at Jared’s tight opening. “S’that feel good?”

He nods now, eyes closed, starts to thrust in small sways of his hips. “Yeah, feels real nice.”

Jensen grasps around Jared’s shaft harder, twists on the pull up. He digs into Jared’s ass with his other hand, fingers searching for that little--

“Oh fuck!”

“There we go.” Jensen puts the pressure on, keeps rubbing with a perfect repeated in and out motion. “Found it, huh?”

Jared nods again, shallow breaths escaping and he slowly opens his eyes, pure heat mixing with the blues and greens. He reaches out to touch Jensen and pull him down. “Wanna kiss you.”

“I kinda got my hands full here, Jay.”

Jared lets out a disgruntled noise and now Jensen feels bad. He lets go of Jared’s cock to lean over and press their mouths together in a sloppy yet tender kiss. His fingers are still deep inside Jared and suddenly he feels a firm clasp around them.

“Gonna come just like this.” Jared gasps heavily, practically tugging Jensen’s fingers further inside of him and clutching his asshole with all the force he can muster up.

It’s so tight Jensen hardly has any control and can only keep his hand still as Jared fucks himself. The kiss turns frantic and hot, teeth taking turns to bite on each other’s bottom lips until they’re bruised, swollen in the prettiest shade of pink.

Jared’s whole body tenses as he comes and Jensen is only a few seconds behind him, pushing his cock though the sticky mess on Jared’s stomach, humping into it and still kissing even though neither can really breathe anymore.

When their tongues finally separate, Jensen keeps his fingers where they seem to belong and says, “You feel better now?”

“So much better.” Jared answers with a satisfied yawn. “I didn’t know how badly I needed that.”

“Gonna fall asleep now, babe?”

Jared grins sleepily and presses his legs together so Jensen can’t pull out. “You just called me babe.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes, you really did.”

“It was an accident.” Jensen says, getting comfortable by lying sideways on the bed. He knows he’ll be able to free his fingers when Jared relaxes and goes to sleep, but for now he can stay where he’s wanted, Jared obviously needing for them to be close as possible. “My mind is foggy from coming so hard.”

“Love watching you come like that.” Jared admits, turning his head more into the pillow and caressing up and down Jensen’s arm.  Jensen links his free hand around Jared’s, keeps quiet as he yawns again and starts to doze off.

Jensen just watches for a long time, smoothes his hand over Jared’s heart when he gets restless during the night. It’s comforting to know that Jared can depend on him, just like he should be able to, and Jensen so wants to be there and support Jared in every way possible.

This thing is real and solid between them and it’s nice, Jensen realizes, that he can enjoy being in love again.


The next morning Jensen comes downstairs in his wire rim glasses and thin blue and white striped pajama pants.  Jared and Megan are sitting in his kitchen table drinking coffee and eating cereal. She’s in her pj’s too and Jared is wearing boxers with dinosaurs dotted all over. They all look about twelve years old with their hair everywhere, sticking up in the back.


“Good morning,” Jensen smiles and gives Jared a peck on the lips. “Hey Megan, how’d you sleep?”

“Pretty awesome. I feel a lot better.” She says, sipping her milk. “I’m sorry that I’m over here so early, Jared doesn’t have any food at his place.”

“It’s no problem at all, take whatever you want.” Jensen pours some cereal for himself. He’ll have to go to the market again if he’ll be in charge of feeding two Padalecki’s. “Do you know how long you’ll be in town for?”

“Awhile, I think. Actually, I might see if there’re any job openings. I’m thinking about moving here.”

Jared looks overjoyed at that. “Yeah? You weren’t thinkin’ that yesterday, that’d be great, Megs!”

She nods, suddenly seeming shy. “It’s just been really nice being around you again. I missed you, and the area is nicer than I remember. And since mom is gone and Amy and I aren’t together, well then… there’s nothing really stopping me now. Plus I’m so over California chicks.”

“Oh yeah?” Jared grins. “You ready for a mountain mama type? She might have a mustache, just sayin.”

Megan sticks out her tongue and shakes her head at her brother’s absurdness.

“Don’t listen to him. What do you do for work?” Jensen asks. Jared comes up behind him and kisses the back of his neck.

Megan smiles as she watches the affection. “I’m a journalist. I do some freelance too, so hopefully it’ll be easy to find work.”

“That’s cool,” says Jensen, right about the same time Jared runs his hand over Jensen’s bare stomach. “Also, how do you feel about your brother being gay?”

Megan laughs and so does Jared. “Honestly? I think it’s pretty great. He didn’t have much to talk about besides you for the past couple of days. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time, thanks to you, I presume.”

“Yeah well, your brother’s kinda cute.” Jensen teases. “I think I’ll keep him for awhile.”

Megan points her spoon at Jensen. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a hottie and I hope my goon of a brother tells you that all the time. I mean, I’m a lesbian and I can still tell you’re a hot fella.”

Jared laughs really loud and Jensen gets embarrassed. “Uh thanks, I guess.”

“No problem. And I hope you like dating immature men, cuz my brother?”

“Oh I know,” Jensen pats Jared on the chest, right over his heart. “He’s just an oversized child.”

“That’s not what you said last night.” Jared shoots back.

Jensen gives him a good shove. “And that’s inappropriate talk in front of your sister!”

Meghan giggles and slides off the kitchen stool. “Well, I’d love to stay and talk but I need to go take a shower and check my email. See you guys for lunch? Maybe we can play Scrabble later.”

“She only plays with dirty words, Jen. Don’t fall for it.”

Now Jensen laughs and Megan waves as she leaves.

“I really like her.” Jensen leans on the counter and watches as Jared pours himself more cereal. “She seems to be coping okay.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees. “It helps that we’re together right now. Thanks for being so chill about her coming over here.”

“She’s your family, Jay. Of course that’s fine.”

A slow smile spreads on Jared’s face. “Oh hey, I’ll be right back.”

“What? Where you goin’?”

He kisses Jensen quickly. “I just gotta grab something from my place. Two seconds.” And literally, it does take two seconds for Jared to come back.

With his checkbook.

Jensen’s confused. “What’s this?”

“Well, mom left us all some money in her life insurance, which none of us knew about, and I’ll finally be financially okay. So it’s time that I pay you back.” Jared says it so easily, and a little with relief that he gets to do this.

“Jay, you don’t have to write me a check.”

“Sure I do.”

“No, you really don’t.”

“Why not?”

Because, Jensen wants to say, because deep down he’s still scared that if Jared pays him back, he’ll stop being with him. He hasn’t been so fucking frightened of something in a really long time and he feels it in his spine, twisting and turning so hard it hurts. It’s absurd to keep thinking it, that Jared will leave, but it’s been in the back of his mind this whole time.

“Because… I don’t know. After everything we’ve been through it’ll be weird. And you’ve spent enough nights in my bed and holding my hand… it kinda feels like you paid me back already.”

Jared takes a deep breath as he rips out the check, filled out and signed. “The way I see it? I haven’t spent nearly enough nights in your bed. And I bet that you’re freaking out that I’m not gonna want to do this anymore, right?”

“No.” Jensen lies.

“You know what else I think?” Jared tugs on Jensen’s waist and links his hand around his back.  “I think that it’s crappy that we only spend the night a few times a week. I think it should be a full time kinda thing.”

“So you really don’t want this to stop?” Jensen mentally hits himself. He sounds so stupid sometimes.

Jared chuckles. “If by ‘this’ you mean me and you, then no, I don’t want it to stop. In fact, I think you’re about to ask me to move in with you.”

“Oh really? You think so?”

Jared nods, bends a little so he can get to Jensen’s neck. “You know that I pretty much live here already, right?”

“Yeah.” It comes out softly, like a confession. Jared completely wormed his way into Jensen’s heart. It’s done. The fight is over. He let Jared in without wanting to and it could be the best or worst thing he has ever done.

“I don’t have to move in, Jen. It was just an idea.”

“I want you to.” Jensen says it fast, he doesn’t want Jared to change his mind.

Jared shakes his head, but doesn’t sound resentful when he says, “You’re scared.”

“I’m only scared of losing you. What we have right now, it’s pretty perfect. And perfect doesn’t exist in my world too often.”

“Then maybe we won’t be perfect.” Jared presses a light kiss to Jensen’s forehead. “We’ll be just a notch under perfect, so you can’t stress out about it anymore.”

Jensen thinks about it and smiles. “Now there’s a deal I can live with.”


It doesn’t take long for Jared to move the rest of his crap to Jensen’s, since he had already sold most of it a few months ago or things already found a home in Jensen’s closets and drawers. Protein shakes in the cupboards, razors and shaving cream by the sink, and socks littered all over the bedroom floor.  It does, however, take a ton of time to help Megan move into Jared’s place.

Yep, they’re neighbors!

Megan found a job, fell in love with the town, and met a new girl who lives a few blocks away. She hired movers to pack up her old apartment and there are a crap load of boxes scattered all around Jared’s old living room.

“I think that I’ll paint the walls purple in here.” Megan says that afternoon.  “I think that’ll really brighten the place up.”

“Purple is gay.” Jared complains, carrying a box upstairs. “And what the hell is in these? Bricks?”

“Not all of us have muscles like you, my brother. They have to be put to use sooner or later.”

Jared cuts Jensen a wink and he knows exactly what Jared’s thinking. Last night he held Jensen up to the wall while he fingered him silly. It was mind blowing and Jensen can still feel the stretch.

“Hey and there’s some of your mail on the table.” Megan calls out. “It’s been here for awhile so you better open it before you’re dragged off to jail or something.”

Jared bounds down the stairs and grabs the stack of envelopes. “That could never happen, genius. Jensen’s a lawyer, remember?”

“Oh yes, how could I forget?” Megan rolls her eyes. “You remind me every two seconds.”

“Well at least I’m not dating a plumber like you are.”

“Hey, lesbian plumbers are way hot!”

“Totally, Jay.” Jensen agrees. “Melanie’s hot.”

Jared’s fakes bewilderment as he flips through the mail. “Don’t you two gang up on me. That’s not gonna be cool.”

“Why? Because you’ll look like a dork more often?” Megan tries to fluff Jared’s hair, but fails miserably, shrieking as he lifts her up and carries her upstairs. She’s laughing all the way and then quiets down to start unpacking the boxes in the bedroom.

Jared runs back down and throws away some junk mail when a fancy envelope catches his eye. “Hey, you’re never gonna believe who’s getting married.”

“Is that a wedding invitation?”

“Yep.” Jared turns it over to show it to Jensen. “Remember when Craig’s sister went out with Nick and they almost killed each other? Looks like they’re gettin’ hitched.”

“You’re kidding me. When’s the wedding?”

“Next Saturday. You wanna go?”

“Hell yes, I wouldn’t miss that for anything.”

Jared smirks as he plays with the invitation. “You know that means we’re coming out to our friends, right?”

God damn, Jensen hadn’t even thought of that. It seems like Jared’s okay with it though, so maybe it won’t be so bad after all.


The wedding turns out to be a nice event. There’s no drama and the guys are totally cool, knowing that Jensen had gay tendencies and Jared being Jared… well, it’s no wonder they both like dick. Nick seems a little weirded out at first, but Jared takes him to the side and talks to him. Jensen’s not too sure what was said, but for the first time along this path of craziness, things finally go somewhat smoothly.

The church is warm and dark, Jared is starting to sweat and Jensen’s glad they’re sitting all the way in the back so they both can take their jackets off.

Then Jared grabs Jensen’s hand and links their fingers together. He leans over to whisper in Jensen’s ear, “They look like they’re really in love.”

Jensen agrees. “Yeah, they do.”

“You think we look like that when we look at each other?”

“What, like we’re in love?”

Jared’s dimples show because he’s smiling so hard. “You sayin’ that you’re in love with me?”

Jensen shrugs and leans over to kiss him. “I thought we’ve already been over this.”

An old lady turns around and glares at them. “Shh!”

“This isn’t over.” Jared whispers

The rest of the wedding is boring and Jensen can’t wait to go home. He has a feeling he’ll see Jared’s dimples again soon enough. They have to sit through the reception though, which isn’t too bad because Jensen gets to meet more of Jared’s buddies he went to school with, and all of their spouses and kids too. At one point Jared has a baby girl in his arms, drooling on his shoulder with big blue eyes and a smile that even Jensen could fall in love with.

Thirty minutes later Jensen is giving Rick some advice about the divorce his brother is going through when he looks over, spotting Jared now on the floor with about five different toddlers using him as a jungle gym, crawling and screaming all over his body and swinging from his arms like little monkeys.

“Belly bump!” Jared announces loudly and the kids line up in a row, then run over to him, stomach pushed out and promptly bounces off of Jared’s chest. Jared catches a little boy before he flies towards the ground, holds him up in the air and smiles widely, like this is the most fun he’s had in a long time.

“Looks like Jared got crowned king with all the munchkins over there.” Rick says, waving at his little girl with bright red hair. “He’s really good with them.”

“Yeah, he is.” Jensen bites at his lip, thinking intently about what’s going on right in front of him. Jared isn’t only good with the kids, he’s great with them. He’s rolling around on the ground, not caring that he’s in his only good shirt, face turning red and sweat starting to form at his hairline. It’s adorable.

Jared catches Jensen’s eye and winks. He mouths are you okay from across the room and Jensen gives a tight grin, nods and looks away to continue his conversation with Rick.

It’s not for another half an hour until Jared is worn out, pushing the kids gently towards their parents so he can have the coffee and cake Jensen saved for him.

“They wore me out. I feel like I just got beat up.” Jared smiles, squeezes around Jensen’s wrist as he sits down. His hand drifts to the back of Jensen’s neck and he puts pressure there too. They’re the only ones at the rather large table, sitting in the back so they have a view of the entire room. “Hey, everything okay?”

“It’s fine.” Jensen pushes his chair closer to the table, his foot slides against Jared’s and he gives a bright smile.

Jared can see right through it. “What’s up?”

Jensen shrugs, watches as Jared shovels a good fork full of cake in his mouth. “You look like you were having fun over there.”

“With the kids? Yeah, they’re pretty cute. I think the little one needs a diaper change though and I’m not about to volunteer.”

“I’m just wondering…” Jensen plays with Jared’s tie, his fingers run up and down the smooth silky fabric. “If you’re going to want kids sometime soon?”

Jared’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He throws his head back and laughs, loud enough for some of the guests to notice.  “Jensen do you think I would have even started anything with you if that’s what I wanted?”

“Well… I dunno. Maybe you haven’t thought about it much lately and then being here surrounded by all these kids…”

“What? You think I’m gonna grow ovaries or something? Sprout fallopian tubes? Jen, I wanna work hard and play hard, and I can’t do that with babies and diapers. So, no I don’t really see any rug rats in my future, but you wanna know what I do see?”

“What, you have like, a crystal ball or something?”

“Yep.” Jared takes Jensen’s hand and presses the back of it to his mouth. “I definitely see you there. Gray and wrinkled and perfect.”

“Wrinkles?” Jensen tries to pull away, but it’s all an act. “I’m never gonna have no damn wrinkles.”

“Already kinda do.” Jared teases, tracing the faint lines around Jensen’s eyes with his fingertip. “They’re cute as hell. Wanna know what else I see in the future?”

“A punch to the gut if you call me old again?”

Jared smiles, cheekily. “I see a dog. I really want a dog.”

Jensen purses his lips as he thinks, watches as Jared’s eyes drop to his mouth. He smirks and says, “Getting a dog will cost you the minimum of two blow jobs. And I’m not about to pick up any shit or clean up puke.”

Jared breaks into a huge smile. “Why do I feel like we’re negotiating again?”

“I guess we’re pretty good at it.”


That night, after dinner and dancing, Jensen and Jared lie naked in bed side by side. They’ve been kissing for the last ten minutes, deliberate and unhurried, such a perfect rhythm that neither of them rushes.

There’s lube and Jensen pours it on two of Jared’s fingers, then guides them between his own legs as he straddles Jared’s lap, feet planted on the bed right by Jared’s hips. “You know what I was thinking during the vows today? That we should make our own.”

Jared closes his eyes, works his fingers around Jensen’s hole and then pushes in, one at a time, slow and straight, wiggling around in the heat, and reaching as deep as he can. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“Yeah? Good. I’ll start.” Jensen whimpers because god damn, Jared’s fingers are long. “I promise that I won’t freak out about the future anymore. And I promise that I’ll never question that you want to be with me.”

“I’ll always want you, Jensen.” Jared pulls his fingers out, plays some more with Jensen’s hole, rubbing and taping the entrance until it feels loose and wet. He lines his dick up, the tip pressing into the warmth only slightly. “And I promise that I’ll always want to hear about your work day. And I promise that I’ll always love you, Jen. Even if you can’t say it back.”

Jensen spreads his knees and starts to sink down inch by blissful inch of Jared’s shaft. “You know that I love you Jared, I promise I’ll tell you every day that you let me.” He leans up to give Jared a kiss and it’s passionate, frantic and completely mind-blowing. Jared’s filling Jensen up and they start to move, thrusting slowly as they continue to kiss, gradually going faster as orgasms brew, pleasure spiking through their limps, every nerve on fire. They breathe in each other’s air as Jared sits up, bringing Jensen with him, holding him close with arms around his body. The bouncing stops and Jensen rocks with Jared inside of him, swirls his hips and presses his dick into the ridges of Jared’s flat stomach.

“Holy shit, why haven’t we done this before?” Jensen murmurs, his teeth sinking into the flesh of Jared’s neck, trying to hold out just a little longer.

Jared pants, whimpers as Jensen starts to throb around him. “You wanted to go slow, remember?”

“Worst idea I ever had.”

When Jensen comes his whole body contracts in waves, including his asshole that squeezes with incredible force, the tightest grip around Jared’s cock. Jared comes with a thunderous shout, bucking into Jensen as he slows from his high, gasping for air.

“Fuck, Jen. Fuck, god damn.”

“I love you, Jay.” Jensen kisses him again, “So much.”

“I know,” Jared smiles, going in for another kiss, his dick still buried inside of Jensen. Jared’s stomach is coated with a sticky mess, but they both could care less right now.

There’s a loud knock on the wall coming from the other side and it ruins the moment. They both snicker, knowing Megan probably heard an ear full.

Jensen shakes his head in amusement. “I didn’t think you were this noisy when you come.”

Jared rolls them over and pulls out slowly, starts to play with the mess in Jensen’s ass in the most loving, caring way. “I think you bring out the screamer in me.”

“Yeah, I must. I love you.” Jensen says again softly, not being able to stop saying those three words now that he started.

Jared settles on the bed after he clicks off the light and grabs the stupid stuffed lamb from the nightstand, where it’s usually perched on Jared’s side of the bed. He cuddles it right between their sweaty bodies and it’s silent for a few minutes before he says, “Do you realize if I hadn’t been broke off my ass, we might not be here right now? You naked and me, covered in your come? Probably every night until forever.”

“Yep, it’s a good thing you didn’t have any money.” Jensen sighs, so happy to feel the weight of Jared’s body lying on top of him so they can get some sleep. “This never would have happened if you had paid in full.”