"This is unbearable," Sirius muttered. "We must do something."
"What do you suggest?" Remus asked with a sigh. "We've already spoken to them both, several times."
"Throw them out?"
"What? They're out of school now! They can—" He was cut off by a female voice from the bedroom above squealing, "Harry! Do that again!"
Sirius moved to get off the couch, but Remus' outstretched legs stopped him. "Padfoot, you can't storm up there and yell at them. It won't do any good."
The other man growled. "We can't even enjoy a cozy Sunday morning! It is my right as an Englishman to lay on my couch, with my lover's legs in my lap, and do the Times crossword in peace! I tell you, something must be done!"
"Do calm down. We'll think of something."
"What? Harry and Hermione have been out of school for all of six weeks and they have spend the whole of it fucking like rabbits without any consideration to the other inhabitants of this house. Nothing we have said will make them understand that the silencing charm is not just for school." Sirius stopped when he saw a familiar smile on Remus' face. "Moony? I know that look. You have an idea, don't you?"
Remus grinned more widely. "Nothing we have said has stopped them, so perhaps it's time we did something."
"Giving them a taste of their own medicine should do the trick."
Sirius shuddered. "Isn't that a bit extreme? It's that sort of thing makes a lad go blind, or mad, or both."
"He defeated the Dark Lord. I think he can handle hearing his guardians having sex."
At that moment, the ward in question yelped, "God, Hermione, that feels so good."
"Can we do it today?" Sirius asked.
Just before tea time, Sirius and Remus wandered into their sunny kitchen and stood near the counter.
"This is so . . . deliberate," Sirius said, backing into the corner and pulling himself up onto the countertop.
"Of course it is," Remus replied, advancing toward him with a grin. "But that's never stopped you before."
"I've never performed for an audience!" Sirius protested.
Remus shook his head. "Sure you have," he said as he ran his hands along the other man's thighs. "Remember that time right after school, when we moved into that little flat near Tooting, and you—"
"I don't think that counts!" Sirius interrupted. He placed his hands on Remus' shoulders and pulled him closer, so that he stood between Sirius' legs, and Sirius wrapped his legs around him. Then he slid his hands up to cup Remus' face and leaned down to give him a deep kiss, the sort of kiss that promised more. "Mmm," he said. "So sexy."
Remus grinned a little. He clutched Sirius about the waist and they began to kiss, each man shamelessly grinding his pelvis into the other. Their chests rubbed together and Sirius clenched his legs tighter, drawing Remus even closer. They broke the kiss, breathless, then Remus said, "We're supposed to be making noise."
"Right, sorry," Sirius said. Remus stepped back slightly and held out his hand and Sirius took it, slipping down from the counter and walking over to the large wooden table in the middle of the kitchen. He bent over it, bracing his arms against the sides of the table.
Remus walked up behind him and slowly pulled Sirius' black robe up, bunching the fabric at the waist. He smiled to see that Sirius was wearing nothing at all beneath them and ran his hands along the soft skin of the upper thighs and buttocks that were displayed before him. Sirius moaned slightly, arching into Remus' touch.
"Louder, you have to be louder," Remus reminded him. He pulled his hands away to unfasten the front of his robe so it hung loose and open from the waist down. Sliding his wand from its sleeve pocket, he performed the lubrication spell with extra emphasis and flourish, not only so that he could be heard but also to give Sirius a bit more comfort for what would be something of a quick fuck. Sirius, meanwhile, had spread a tea towel in front of him lest they get anything on the table itself.
Then he placed his hands on Sirius again, one sliding between his legs to fondle his testicles and the hardening cock above them, the other slipping a finger into the puckered opening so lewdly displayed. Sirius arched his back again, pushing against the invading fingers, but this time his moan was much louder. "OH REMUS!" he yelled. "How is that?" he whispered.
"Good volume," Remus muttered back, "but be more descriptive. MOVE THAT ARSE FOR ME, DARLING!"
"OPEN ME UP; IT FEELS SO GOOD!" Sirius shouted, then, "Actually, you could add another finger, Remus; I'm ready."
Remus complied, while his other hand slid along Sirius' cock. "YOU'RE GETTING HARD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT, AREN'T YOU? Sorry, that was a bit cheesy."
Sirius sort of shrugged and said, "It's true." He felt Remus add a third finger and shouted, "ENOUGH, REMUS, JUST FUCK ME ALREADY!"
Remus, duly ordered, slid his hands from Sirius' arse and cock, and taking his own cock in one hand and Sirius' hip in the other, began to slide slowly into him. "OOH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT!"
Sirius clenched his arse for effect. "If you FUCK ME HARDER, we can make the table creak, that would be loud."
Remus nodded, and grabbed Sirius' hips for purchase before beginning to pound him into the table. Sirius began to growl low in his throat as he usually did, which, while incredibly sexy and a big turn-on for Remus, was not to the point for this occasion. "Sirius, louder than that. GOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD, PADFOOT!"
"OH, SO GOOD, OH YES YES. Is that loud enough?"
"I'm not that loud on the full moon, so yes." He grinned as he got into the spirit of the thing. "I LOVE TO FUCK THAT ARSE!"
"OH, YOU ANIMAL! YOUR HAND, I NEED YOUR HAND! I do, actually, if you could."
"Of course, happy to oblige," Remus said, sliding one hand around to firmly stroke Sirius' cock in rhythm with his thrusting. "SO CLOSE, I'M SO CLOSE!"
Sirius looked up, at the door, and saw that it was very, very slightly ajar. But the peekers must have seen him, as the door quickly slipped shut. He bit his lip to keep from laughing, then closed his eyes, concentrating on Remus. "DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP, SO GOOD!" was all he could manage at this point.
"NEVER, I'LL NEVER STOP!" Remus' thrusting became more forceful but more erratic, losing his rhythm, which Sirius knew was a sure sign he was almost there.
He was actually nearly there himself. "HARDER, HARDER, MAKE ME COME!" he shouted, and Remus shifted slightly and began a steady assault on Sirius' prostate.
"DO YOU LIKE THAT, DARLING?"
"MORE, MORE, I'M ALMOST THERE!"
"I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU!"
Then Sirius shouted, "REMUS, YES! YES! YES!" and came onto Remus' hand and the towel beneath him.
Remus quickly slipped his hand away and began thrusting even harder into Sirius, really grinding his spent body into the table, which was making the most amazing creaking noises. Then, "SIRIUS! AURGH!" and he collapsed atop his lover.
They lay there together, catching their breath, then Remus stood back up and took another towel, dampened it, and cleaned himself and Sirius, who then stood up, pushed his robes back down, and lifted the towel from the table.
A raven-haired, bespectacled head appeared in the doorway. "Okay! We get it! We'll use the charm from now on, we promise!" His face was pink with embarrassment. Seeing that the men were decent, he pushed the door open a bit wider and Hermione stepped in; she, too, was blushing furiously.
Sirius and Remus looked from the young couple to each other, and nodded. Then Sirius put the soiled towels down the laundry chute.
"Right . . . how about some tea?" Remus said.