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All in the Family

Summary:

Future fic. In some happy future moment, Violetta and Zeetha watch their three Sparks make idiots of themselves, and amble off to consider family, insanity, hope and happiness.

Notes:

I have no idea. Random thing that popped into my head? Set in some nebulous future time where everybody's back together, and nobody's dead, and everybody's been yelled at who needs to be yelled at. Heh. Also, mentioned Zeetha/Higgs, and mentioned Zeetha & Klaus father-daughter reunion plus Zeetha & Gil brother-sister reunion.

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For some reason, despite all the things she could be doing right now, useful things, important things, what Violetta was actually doing was watching her cousin go increasingly red in the face and hop desperately on one leg while trying unsuccessfully to extricate himself from a tangle of what looked like more limbs than four bodies should possess.

In her defense, it was very funny. It wasn't every day you saw a Heterodyne, a Wulfenbach, a Sturmvoraus and a Skifandrian princess having an impromptu wrestling match in the middle of the second floor landing of Castle Heterodyne, at least three of them in various states of deshabillé.

No, really. Only every third day at most. Agatha had put her foot down, honest.

"For the love of Pete, Wulfenbach, let go of my neck!" Tarvek roared, both hands grabbing for the elbow wrapped around his throat. "No strangling! Agatha said no strangling!"

"I'm not strangling you!" Gil shot back, writhing desperately sideways away from Zeetha and pulling Tarvek with him. "I'm trying to use you as a human shield, but Zeetha keeps-- Yaaah! Stop, stop, Zeetha! Leave my kidneys alone!"

"Zeetha!" Agatha tried to cut in, her arms wrapped around Tarvek's waist in a vain attempt to keep him upright. Not helped, of course, by the fact that she was giggling almost too hard to stand up herself, let alone keep three other wriggling bodies afloat. "Zeetha, maybe you should ..."

"Yeeep!" Tarvek bellowed, cutting off whatever she'd been trying to say and jolting half a foot into the air like someone had shoved an electrode up his bum. Gil's shout of triumph at having finally managed to get someone else's body parts in between him and his sister's evil fingers was short-lived, however, since they were all balanced way too precariously to handle Tarvek's jolt with equanimity. The three of them went down in a cursing pile of bruised limbs and even more bruised egos, though Violetta noticed with the teensiest twinge of family pride that Tarvek had somehow managed to ensure that Gil landed on the bottom. He didn't manage to save himself from twisting half-sideways across Gil's hips or landing face-first in Agatha's bosom (though he may not have been exactly trying in that case), but he at least made sure his rival hit the ground hardest.

Shaking her head, making no effort at all to hide her evil grin, she strode over to join Zeetha over the conquered Sparks. The Skifandrian princess tossed her head gleefully, and reached out to thread her arm through Violetta's.

"Poor babies," she grinned, wiggling one hand at Gil. "I didn't know European men were so ticklish, did you? For shame. Tarvek is one thing, but I never thought my brother would prove such a delicate flower."

Tarvek's winded snort of affront sounded at exactly the same moment as Gil's muffled "Hey!" from somewhere around Zeetha's boots. Agatha, who'd been starting to pick herself back up behind them, promptly fell back down in a fit of giggles all over again. Violetta, for her part, only sighed theatrically and nodded.

"I know, I know," she agreed. "I've been trying to toughen my idiot cousin up for years, but there's just no help for some people." She leaned sideways conspiratorially. "Boys are always a little fragile, you know. Not everyone manages to catch something like your Mr Higgs."

"... Poison," Tarvek managed, the first intelligible thing he'd said so far. "All of them. Everyone. Poison."

"Nuh-uh," Gil growled, shoving Tarvek's legs roughly to one side. "Fire and lightning. Boom. Big boom. None of that sissy stuff, Sturmvoraus! Are you trying to prove them right?"

"Why you--!" Tarvek snarled, and eeled around to get his elbow around Gil's neck for a change. "I'll show you sissy, Wulfenbach. Hold still until I tickle you some more, you delicate flower you!"

"Oh my god," Agatha wheezed, scooting backwards from them on her bum. "You two. You're ... you're ..."

"Completely hopeless?" Violetta asked, stepping casually across the wrestling figures to offer her a hand up. Zeetha, skirting around the other side, joined her a second later, between them helping Agatha to her feet. "Useless? Amazingly, stupendously incompetent?" She grinned evilly. "Precious delicate babies in need of protection?"

"Stop," Agatha gasped, leaning into them with her hands over her mouth. "Oh please, you two. Stop. I can't breathe."

"I AM GOING TO KILL EVERYONE!" Gil howled behind them, rolling himself on top of Tarvek and trying to pin Violetta's writhing cousin in place long enough to glare at them. It cost him a knee someplace painful, she noted, and allowed herself another little jolt of pride. Tarvek was a weaselly little pile of shit, but he was her cousin, and more or less her favourite one at that. It was good to know he could hold his own some of the time at least.

"Not like that you're not," Zeetha noted mildly, head tilting to one side to study them while she wound a supportive arm around Agatha at the same time. "Put some effort in, brother mine. Save the gentleness for the bedroom, yes?"

"Nrgh!" Tarvek managed, around gritted teeth, and punched Gil solidly in the chest to give himself room to scramble out from under him. Gil wheezed out a shocked breath, and had started pulling his legs under him for a vengeful leap before Tarvek had even fully cleared him.

At that point, though, and somewhat to Violetta's disappointment, Agatha regained both breath and sense enough to intervene, shrugging out from between her and Zeetha and moving to position herself between Gil and Tarvek instead. Gil only half checked himself in time, bumping off her hip to fall backwards onto his behind, while Tarvek only crouched in vague bewilderment beside her, blinking up at her as if wondering where she'd come from. Agatha stood frowning between them, hands on hips, her white night shirt slipping gently down one shoulder, and the pair of them stared up at her like she was a goddess manifested out of nowhere to chastise them. And they liked it.

Violetta bit her lip suddenly, squeaking a little in dismayed shock, and turned sharply on her heel. Zeetha blinked curiously beside her, but Violetta just shook her head, growling furiously to herself.

"They're so stupid," she whispered to the other girl, casting a disgusted (fond) look over her shoulder to where Agatha was beginning to order them down, and they were too busy blinking the hearts out of their eyes to focus on it overmuch. "They're all so-- Don't you ever get frustrated with them? With the gooey eyes and the-- Look at them. Have you ever seen a more hopeless pair of idiots?"

Zeetha grinned at her, shuffling sideways to sling a comforting arm around her shoulder and bump their hips companionably together. "It's sweet," she agreed, while they started off along the hall to give Agatha a moment to get them back together. Or take them more apart. Whichever. "They're lucky to have someone as strong as her. Those two need so much looking after, and there's only so much family can do."

"Ugh," Violetta said, pressing her hand to her eyes. "Don't remind me. Though, really, most of the time it's family they need protecting from. We're kind of the exceptions to the rule, me and you."

"Hmm," Zeetha murmured, and there was a bit of a snarl to it, Violetta thought. Zeetha hadn't known Gil was hers to protect for the longest time, and when she'd found out, the little conversation with the Baron about it had been rather more literally pointed than family reunions were probably supposed to be.

Normal family reunions, anyway. Non-Valois family reunions. Or Heterodynes ones. Or, apparently, Wulfenbach ones.

Oh, who was she kidding? A sword to the face probably was one of the nicer ways to say hello to your long-lost father that she'd come across. At least it was to the face and not, for example, poisoned and planted in his back when he least expected it. Say what you liked about Wulfenbachs/Skifandrians, at least they were direct about their feelings. And the Baron had taken it well, all things considered. Going from swords and fury to being wrapped around his daughter mumbling something not unlike apologies, while his son stared on in blind confusion, wasn't the worst way that could have ended.

"We live with some messed up people, you know that?" she noted absently, wandering over to a nearby window to look out over the town and the airships drifting idly in the distance. "You ever wonder how much it's skewed your worldview? More than usual, I mean. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to ... to live normally? Without all the craziness and the politics and the messed up families and the death-defying sparkiness?"

"Nah," Zeetha said, leaning cheerfully against the wall. "I don't need to wonder. It'd be boring, that's what it'd be like." She tilted her head. "You can't deny that they're exciting to be around. They give life a little oomph, you know what I mean? I wouldn't want to be without Agatha, or Gil. Or even your little sneak, either."

She smiled to take the sting out of it, and Violetta huffed mildly, leaning alongside her. "He grows on you," she muttered, and only slightly angrily. She could admit it now. After all this time, it was safe enough to admit it. "He's ... he infects you, is what he does. One minute you hate him and want nothing more in the world than to kick his stupid head in, and then he does something, he saves your life or tries to give you something you always wanted, and suddenly it's so much harder to want to knock him around the place. He worms his way in, like a little ... a little worm, and then you can't get rid of him again. Ugh!"

Zeetha ducked her head hurriedly, looking away back down the corridor towards the three figures now fortunately hidden from view, and managed not to make it obvious she was smiling. Violetta glared and elbowed her in the ribs anyway.

"You manage to work through it well enough," was all Zeetha said, and with only the barest hint of laughter in it. "You've never had a problem knocking him around that I've seen, at least."

Violetta snorted, waving a hand dismissively. "I told you. He needs toughening up. And you're one to talk, anyway. You almost crippled Gil earlier. Tickling? Is that what they call tickling in Skifander? You looked like you were trying to gouge his organs out with your bare hands!"

Zeetha snickered at her. "Well, obviously," she said, completely shameless. "It's like you said. They need strengthening. He's not bad, my brother. I thought he was good enough to court my zumil, at least. But that was before I knew who he was. He's alright for a European, but if he's going to run around as a Skifandrian prince playing war king, and keep Agatha happy at the same time, then I've got to make sure he can handle it." She frowned, her hands twitching at her sides, as though they wanted to reach for her swords. Violetta blinked at her a little. "I didn't know, you know? All that time. Everything that happened to him. I could have helped him, but I didn't know. Males are always more fragile. He should have had someone."

"He did," Violetta said, nudging her gently until Zeetha looked at her. "Hey, come on. He had people. He had Agatha. He had you, even before you knew. And he had his father, I guess. I mean, say what you want, but the Baron didn't raise him to be helpless, whatever else he did. After all the yelling Tarvek's done on the subject, Wulfenbach this and Wulfenbach that, and Wulfenbach always coming up roses, I think I can safely say that your brother was never helpless, and people knew about it." She shook her head, disbelieving. "We're talking about Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, here. The idiot who took on an army with a zappy stick he didn't even know was going to work. He's had it rough, but he's fine. He's going to keep being fine. Hell, he'd probably be fine if you dropped an airship on him! It certainly never seemed to slow his father down."

Zeetha blinked at her, a bit bemused by the vehemence, and Violetta flushed slightly. Well. Okay. She hadn't meant to let fly like that, but still. It was Wulfenbach. The boy who'd taken over his father's empire and chased Agatha across half of Europe and frankly scared the pants off Violetta sometimes. Gil was sort of terrifying when he put his mind to it. She really didn't think Zeetha needed to worry about him. Tarvek, absolutely. Gil, maybe not so much.

Though, all things considered, Tarvek hadn't been doing so badly himself, either. He'd been shot, poisoned, killed, resurrected, stabbed in the chest, poisoned again, frozen in time, unfrozen in time, unpoisoned again, made inroads into stabilising Europa somewhere in the middle of that, fought the odd battle, and had come out of it with a share in the love of one of the strongest Sparks Europe had ever seen, and a Heterodyne and a Wulfenbach by his side to acknowledge his claim to the Lightning Throne. For a weaselly little monster who'd used to let her beat him up one side and down the other, he'd come a long way for himself.

She wasn't proud of him, of course. Not even a little bit. She wasn't proud of him in the slightest, and she didn't automatically find herself wanting to protect him sometimes, and she did not get a little gooey over the way he was with Agatha and Gil. Nope, no, not at all.

It was just ... family. The whole stupid mess, every stupid mess, it was all family. Every time. The whole damned world was one big mess made by family, and sometimes you couldn't help but love them anyway. One of them. Once in a while. Sometimes, when it came to family, no matter what good sense and good taste had to say on the matter, you just had to love them anyway.

"God, we're ridiculous," she moaned abruptly, drawing her hands down her face in frustrated anguish. Zeetha twitched, startled, but Violetta didn't care. "We're even worse idiots than them. Look at us! We're moping around about protecting the stupid pair of idiots, and we don't even have the excuse of being in love with them! We're not even Agatha! We're just ... We're family, and we got in the habit, and now look at us! Moping in corridors over how stupidly helpless they are, when they've cheerfully gone out and tried to take over the world and generally acted like the biggest, scariest pair of Sparks short of Agatha herself! We're ... I don't even know what we are, but whatever it is, it's pretty stupid!"

Zeetha stared at her for a second, which Violetta only saw through the gaps in the fingers she still had spread despairingly over her face, and then, slowly and surely, a wide, viciously happy grin spread across the Skifandrian's face. A thoroughly warm and very evil sort of expression altogether.

"We're sisters, is what we are," Zeetha said, wrapping one strong, fierce arm around Violetta and tugging her close, into the warmth of Zeetha's side. "We're sisters-in-arms, you and I. The best in the world. And we'd better be, because we've three of the biggest, strongest idiots in the world to try and look after, and we're never letting them down again, hmm?" She smiled, flicking her fingers gently at Violetta's forehead, waiting for Violetta to pull her hands out of the way and wrap an arm around her in turn. "We're not idiots. We've just got our work cut out for us, that's all. But we're strong. We'll figure it out. Don't you think?"

... Crazy. Everything. All of it. At no point in her life had Violetta ever thought that one day, entirely due to her idiot cousin's machinations, she'd be standing arm in arm with a Skifandrian princess and promising to stand guard over three of the most powerful, crazy and terrifying Sparks in the universe. Nothing in all her life had ever prepared her for the gleeful, happy craziness that came with these people.

But hell with it. Zeetha was right, wasn't she? They made life exciting. They gave it oomph, these people.

By this stage, life without any of them, even Tarvek, would be too boring to bear.

"... We're broken, aren't we," she said, leaning her head sideways onto Zeetha's shoulder with a sigh. "Grandmother always said that hanging around with a Heterodyne would be bad for your sanity. I think she was right. But I'm here now, and you're right too. It's too much fun to stop. We're just ... going to have to be faster and smarter than all of them, that's all. We'll have to keep them on their toes, make sure they never realise how stupid we are, and then it'll be fine. Right?"

"Right!" Zeetha agreed, entirely too happily, and swung them both around in a circle. Because, and this couldn't be reiterated enough, they were all crazy. Every one of them, and Violetta so very much included. "We'll keep them all on their toes, and make sure they're all tough enough to be going on with!"

She paused midswing, glancing back in the direction where their three idiot Sparks were probably doing something ... physical, yes, but not in the way that invited family to take part, and looked back at Violetta with an expression that was somewhere between sheepish and a leer.

"But we'll do that later, I think," Zeetha said, and yes, it was more leer than not, really. "Agatha probably has them well in hand for the minute. What do you say to breakfast instead?"

Violetta blinked for a second, and then shook her head, feeling her shoulders shaking with giddy, stupefied mirth. Zeetha took it handily in stride, setting her back on her feet and wrapping an arm around her once again, while Violetta simply shook her head and snorted for the insanity of it all.

"You know what?" she managed at last. "Breakfast sounds good. Let's go do that, shall we? Let's go do that."

Breakfast in crazy town. Yes sir, this was the life.

It really, really was.