Actions

Work Header

Formal Wear

Work Text:

The shirt has defeated him. Cain is not a man who gives in easily but this is ridiculous. In what mad crazy upside down world is formal wear more complicated to assemble than armor? What exactly is it that drives the privileged to make the buttons indistinguishable from the brocade, and to put unnecessary lacing everywhere! To put unnecessary everything, everywhere.

Cain would love to get out of this, he'd love to, but he promised DG he'd come. When she'd looked at him mournfully, despairingly during the first fitting for a hideous lemon yellow dress that looked more like it was devouring her than attempting to match anything....

He hadn't had the heart to refuse.

Though he was starting to suspect she'd gotten the better end of the deal with the lemon thing.

"What are you doing?"

Cain looks up and finds Glitch in the doorway, and somehow he's found a way to be so perfectly brocaded and buttoned that Cain's frustration is briefly doubled.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," Cain admits, and tugs something which isn't done up yet. Because he doesn't have a clue where it's supposed to go.

Glitch frowns in a careful contemplative way.

"You've been making an effort, unfortunately you've been making an effort to put some of it on backwards."

"How am I supposed to know which way round everything goes?"

Glitch takes a step forward and catches a floating length of material before using some strange magic to make it stop trying to strangle Cain.

"Well if you do have it round the wrong way you'd definitely notice eventually," Glitch says helpfully, and Cain honestly doesn't know whether it's a joke or an observation, because Glitch's facial expressions sometimes have a habit of conflicting with what comes out of his mouth.

But Glitches hands, that clearly know what they're doing, are putting all the pieces together and Cain just moves his own hands out of the way and lets them.

"I never could understand suspenders. Are they to keep you in the pants or to keep the pants on you? And why are the pants so wilful in the first place that staying on would be a problem?"

And then there are fingers slithering into the front of the pants, narrow and cool against his bare skin, distractingly delicate, sliding catches shut and dragging what turns out to be an almost invisible button through an even more invisible hole. It's quick and efficient but deep enough that Cain takes a breath and holds it, reminding himself that this is wardrobe assistance and not a random and unexpected  invitation...probably.

Glitch's fingers retreat, slide up the edges of his shirt, drawing both sides into near perfect alignment, before buttoning it in quick, careful movements. It's faster and more efficient than Cain could have managed, and the one time Cain does lift a hand Glitch smacks it.

Then utterly fails to react to Cain's annoyed face.

"It's really all a matter of symmetry, symmetry requires little in the way of intellectual clues or experience."

The jacket is heavy and Glitch slips round behind him to ease it up his arms. Then he's briefly distracted with the many shiny accessories the jacket has to offer but a second before Cain decides to prod him he's pulling the buttons through the holes again.

"I suppose I used to wear clothes like this all the time but I don't think I've ever seen them from this angle before."

Glitch fiddles with a button, then frowns in confusion.

"Am I dressing you or undressing you?"

"Dressing," Cain provides in a voice which can't help but be amused. "And doing a much better job of it than I was doing."

"Oh the formal attire only looks complicated because all the catches and fastenings are hidden, and there are a few more of them. I'd probably be worried if I thought I had to pay attention. The trick is to put them on and not think about it too much."

Which he seems to be doing, bewilderingly quickly.

Before suddenly he's not. He takes a step back and tips his head to the side.

"Well don't you look...you look very...you look very impressive, very impressive."

Glitch pulls his hands down the sleeves, to make sure all the material is going the same way, but then seems to have some trouble forcing himself to stop doing it.

"Well I hope you have a nice time wherever you're going."

Cain smiles just a little, reaches out far enough to catch Glitch's shoulders and twists him to face the mirror.

"OH! Wow...that's brighter and...tidier than I've been in a while." He twists in a variety of elegant and impossible ways to see himself from every angle, before making a pleased noise.

A bare second later his face slides into an expression that's clearly confused and points a finger at Cain.

"Did you dress me?"

Cain's surprised into laughter.

"No I think you dressed yourself."

"I don't remember doing that." Glitch pats himself, as if to check for evidence.

Cain takes the opportunity to catch his arm and steer him in the general direction of the door.