Starsky was a chameleon. He always had been, from the day Hutch had first met him at the academy. Brash, wild, enthusiastic- but that was only the surface. Hutch had thought he knew the real man underneath, but as the night wore on, he wondered. They'd been partners for over eight years now, and during that time he had watched Starsky go undercover as everything from a high roller to a dance instructor to a mental patient. Different characters, but all rooted in Starsky's natural charm and exuberant personality. It was killing Hutch to watch it at work now.
They'd talked about this for hours last night. Lovers for six months, exclusive from the start. Even so, Hutch had always silently worried that he'd forced his partner into a marriage that he didn't truly want. Starsky would do anything for him, he knew that. And he knew he was selfish enough not to question it too closely. He should be able to trust Starsky enough to let him go and know he'd come back to him.
His partner had said many times how he'd missed the club scene. He'd always loved the music and the dancing, getting into a groove and channeling the bass that flowed through his body. He'd said in passing that he also missed the feeling of being pressed up against some hot thing on the dance floor. It seemed that he was going to get his chance tonight if the looks the tall redhead were giving him were any indication.
He settled for keeping a close eye on Starsky and the other man, although all of his instincts were screaming to grab his partner and run as far away from the whole scene as they could. Instead he drained his beer and stood up, deciding to head over and commiserate with the blond-haired man that Starsky's new dance partner had abandoned.
It was barely twenty minutes later that he saw Starsky and his companion leave by the back door of the bar, his partner's hand firmly planted on the other man's ass. Deliberately turning his back, Hutch went back to his conversation with Jeff and the other men who had joined them.
It was well after 1am before they left Catalyst. Hutch was glad to leave the smoke and the noise behind. And, even if they could salvage nothing else, at least they were leaving together.
"You know what the best part of all this is?" Starsky asked, with far more energy then he had any right to have this time of night.
"What, Starsk?" Hutch asked tiredly.
"We get to go home and have makeup sex," Starsky replied, with a leer that seemed to be at least somewhat forced.
Hutch raised his head to look at his partner, "I wasn't aware that we'd had an actual fight."
"I'm not so sure about that, Blondie."
They drove the rest of the way home in silence but Starsky's right hand never left Hutch's thigh. It wasn’t until Starsky killed the engine that Hutch realized they were at Starsky's apartment, leaving Hutch with no real way to get to his own place if he wanted to leave. Of course he could always catch a cab or a bus, but he knew he wouldn't bother at this late hour. Starsky knew that too. Just as they both knew they didn’t want to be alone.
They sat quietly in the car, neither making a move to get out. Both men were exhausted and Hutch knew that he shouldn't push it. He stared out the front window and asked anyway. "How far did you get?"
"You really want to know?" Starsky asked, sounding somewhat defensive.
"No. But tell me anyway."
After a few minutes, Starsky finally answered. "Kissed him, sucked him a little. That's all."
Far too quickly Hutch asked, "How far would you have gone?"
"Hutch, we talked about his last night. Thought you were okay with it." Hutch heard Starsky turn in his seat, but he still couldn't face him. Sighing he said, "Let's go in. I don't really want to have this argument in the car this time of night."
"Don’t wanna have it in our bedroom either," Starsky mumbled but Hutch heard
it anyway. Thankfully Starsky refrained from reminding him that it was Hutch who had started the conversation in the first place.
Then suddenly they looked at each other and at the same time said, "kitchen." For a moment, everything was all right. The truce lasted until they got into the house where a strained silence descended once again. Hutch got two beers out of the fridge, and handed one to Starsky who was shedding clothes as he walked. Jacket, shirt and shoes hit the floor rapidly, but Hutch was too distracted to make much of the view provided. He stood next to the fridge, holding tightly to the cold glass bottle. The chill felt good after the heat of the bar. The adrenaline rush of the night had long since drained out of him, leaving him tired and sad.
"You really wanna know what went down with Jamison tonight?" The question wasn't exactly cruel, but it wasn't seductive. A challenge then.
Hutch still wasn't sure he wanted to know, but if Starsky could do this, he couldn’t back down either. Maybe they needed to, maybe it was the only way to find out if they could get past it all.
Without waiting for confirmation from Hutch, Starsky took the beer bottle from his hand and spun him around. "He got this," Starsky declared, taking Hutch's mouth in a shallow, rough kiss. Before Hutch had a chance to protest, the other man continued softly, "but not this." This time the kiss was tender, long and deep. Responding eagerly, Hutch put his hand around his lover's head to pull him closer, indulging in an all consuming kiss that Hutch had nicknamed a Starsky special.
Finally releasing his lover's mouth, Starsky quickly sank to his knees. Freeing him from the black briefs underneath, looked up at Hutch and told him brusquely, "He got this."
Their lovemaking had never been tinged with anger before, but Starsky took his cock as roughly as he had first attacked his mouth. This was not their usual way- it was cold and impersonal. Hutch hated himself as he got hard, moaning at the feel of Starsky's mouth around him. His moans grew louder when his partner stopped and stood up.
Looked directly in his eyes, Starsky declared, "And then he came, Hutch. In my hand, wouldn't let him in my mouth. Didn't wanna taste any more of him then I already had. I hated every fucking minute of it, but we got the bastards."
They fell into an easy embrace as they had thousands of times before. Hutch could feel his arousal fading away as he held his partner safely in his arms. They had been incredibly lucky tonight.
"Jamison came, then he slumped against the wall, shirt open and pants around his knees. Real easy to see the handgun and the coke vials, and you know how the rest went down."
Hutch knew exactly how the rest of the bust had unfolded. The gun had been both concealed and unlicensed, that and the drugs had been more than enough to finally convince a judge to sign off on a search warrant for Jamison's house and car. They'd known for months he was dirty but couldn't get anything on him, but now he and a whole lot of others were going to go down because of tonight.
Hutch had covered his partner the best he could by distracting the other guys and bringing in the outside backup on Starsky's signal. That had been all he could do, both had known that going it. It didn't make it any easier to stand by and watch.
Tugging at Hutch's hand, Starsky led them into his bedroom. Turning on the closest of the bedside lamps he then pulled Hutch to lie down with him.
"He didn't get anything like this, love, and no one else ever will," he whispered, and then kissed him slowly and sweetly. Hutch reveled in the taste of him, willing for tonight to lie back and let Starsky take the lead.
He closed his eyes and just let himself feel as his lover's lips left his and kissed a trail down his chest, stopping to suck on first one nipple and then the other. Starsky took his time, exploring thoroughly until Hutch was completely nude and writhing in pleasure on the bed.
He opened his eyes as Starsky's weight settled on him, his partner's naked body completely covering his own. His partner kissed him again and again as he reached over to get the supplies from the nightstand and lovingly prepared them both. Through the haze Hutch could hear Starsky urging him to turn on his side, and felt the other man turn with him so that their bodies never lost contact. It was as he felt two fingers sliding deep into his body again that he realized with a physical start that he had done nothing the entire time to bring Starsky pleasure. But as usual, his partner was ahead of him.
"Shh, Hutch, not tonight. You can have your way with me next time, but tonight's mine to love you insane. Just go with it baby. No one else, just you and me." While whispering reassurances, he replaced his fingers with his cock, sliding home in one smooth movement. Taking Hutch's right hand in his, he held it tight as he joined their bodies, repeating "just you and me, way it's supposed to be."
And then they were flying. Hutch rejoiced in the feel of Starsky driving into his body, possessing him as he needed to be possessed by this man. It was enough to take Hutch over the edge, and he felt Starsky pouring out inside of him, gasping "love you, love you," as he rode out his own orgasm. Hutch heard himself almost screaming in response.
He awoke to find Starsky wrapped around him, gently kissing his neck. Devastated by the intensity of it all, he could not find the words. Brokenly, he managed to get out, "need to hold you, Starsk," and his partner quickly acquiesced.
Starsky never once asked Hutch if he trusted him. Not tonight, not ever. He just kept right on giving him reasons to do so. It only made Hutch love him more, even if he was completely unworthy of that love.
Once again reading his mind, Starsky spoke from where he was nestled in Hutch's arms, "I love you, babe, and this is for keeps." He chuckled softly, "And I know you believe it now, just as I know you'll start doubting it again in the morning. And you can't help that either, it's just you."
Hutch started to protest but his lover simply silenced him with another Starsky special. "Not me Hutch, I know you trust me. One of these years, you'll learn to trust you, too. Once you figure out how to stop running from yourself. Although you've finally stopped running from me, that's progress," he finished with a fond smile and then curled up like a cat to lie once again in Hutch's arms. There wasn't anything Hutch could say to that, so he simply cradled his lover close, grateful beyond words once again.
Hutch was finally drifting off when he heard Starsky say, "The next time one of these comes up, we won't take it."
"And if it's a kid involved, or another drugs case. Yeah, Starsk, we'll take it, it's what we do. And it'll probably be my turn to seduce someone and we'll both hate every fucking minute of it. It's what we do."
"Hutch?" Starsky asked, responding to his lover's harsh tone by turning him his arms to look up at him. Hutch pulled him even closer, settling the dark head back on his chest. Absently stroking his partner's hair, he continued softly, "and then we'll come home, and make love and get on with our lives. That’s who we are. Can't run away from it, tried that already remember?"
He felt Starsky's sleepy nod against his heart and let his lover's breathing sooth him until he too fell asleep.