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Sad, Boring Human Bound Cliche Story

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carcinoGeneticist started pestering twinArmageddons at 8:00pm

CG: HEY.

TA: ii diidn’t know liibrariies were open thiis late.

CG: OF CORSE THEY’RE NOT YOU ASSHOLE, I’M NOT PESTERING YOU FROM THE LIBRARY, I’M TEXTING YOU WITH THAT HACKED HOME PHONE YOU SENT ME.

TA: how iis iit? doe2 iit work properly, why have you waiited iintiill now to u2e the shiit ii made.

CG: ENOUGH WITH THE QUESTIONS, FIRST, IT WORKS FOR SHIT, SECOND, BECAUSE YOU SUCK AND THIS WAS MY LAST RESORT TO GET MY HANDS ON A COMPUTER AFTER DARK.

TA: ok.
TA: anyway2 whatever you wanted, you better 2piit iit out, cau2e iim doiing busiiness.

CG: OK SERIOUSLY, YOU HAVE TO STOP GIVING THESE CODES TO FUCKING STRANGERS AROUND THE WORLD.

TA: iit2 good pay.
TA: for an angry guy your a total pan2y a22, ii bet that church iis makiing you all soft.
TA: by the way, diid you fiind god yet?? or iis he 2tiill beiing an a22hole iin the clouds. heheheh.

CG: DONT GET ME STARTED DUDE, EVEN IF HE WERENT AN ASSHOLE, CATERING TO HIS LITTLE GET TOGETHER 3 TIMES A FUCKING WEEK HAS MADE MY LIFE A FUCK LOAD MORE SUCKY.

TA: what ii2 with your dad and reliigiion anyway.

CG: DONT TALK ABOUT MY DAD. MY DAD IS A RAVING DOUCHE BAG THAT LEANS ON JESUS TO MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING, I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM WHEN IM HAVING A SOCIAL CONVERSATION.

TA: we dont have 2ociial conver2atiion2, come on, were not even 2ociial to begiin wiith.
TA: hell ii’ve known you for like almo2t two year2 now, and niiether of u2 ha2 exchanged names or location, ii had to track you down two giive you that goddamn hacked phone.
TA: we know we liive in the same area, we even go two the 2ame school. but hell iif we wiill have to meet iin person.

CG: IT WILL BE A DARK DAY IF I EVER HAVE TO TALK TO YOU’RE HIDEOUS FACE.

TA: who know2, you might have already.

CG: YEAH I FUCKING DOUBT IT, I DONT TALK TO THOSE DICK WEEDS AT SCHOOL.

TA: nobody?

CG: IS THAT SERIOUSLY A QUESTION THAT YOU ARE ASKING, OF CORSE FUCKING REALLY-- WAIT NO. HA HA. I WAS KIDDING AM SUCH A HIP KID, I HAVE ALL OF THE FRIENDS ALL OF THEM.
CG: THAT WAS SARCASM, IDIOT. NOBODY TALKS TO ME AND AND IT WILL STAY THAT WAY.

TA: what about terezii?

CG: WHAT.
CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER.
CG: AND THAT MEANS YOU KNOW ME IN PERSON. SO WHAT THE FUCK.

TA: ii only fiigured, ii kiind of knew who you were for a whiile now, all the fact2 and calculatiions poiinted two iit.
TA: you really dont have to worry about iit, iits not liike ii’ll hassle you about iit IIN PERSON.

CG: YOU AND YOUR SHITTY CALCULATIONS.
CG: MAN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF HELL IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH EVER SENSE SCHOOL STARTED.
CG: THAT BITCH WONT LEAVE ME ALONE.

TA: ii thiink 2hes pretty 0kay
TA: okay*
TA: 2he 2at next two me for a week at lunch, 2he 2aiid that you needed two be alone for a whiile.
TA: ii thiink 2he knew you would come crawliing back.

CG: I DIDNT COME CRAWLING BACK TO THAT CRAZY ASS PHYCO BITCH.

TA: and yet you walk her to the ho2piital.
TA: diid you meet her mom?

CG: OK DO YOU HAVE FUCKING CAMERAS AROUND THE CITY, JUST WATCHING ME, BECAUSE IF YOU DO I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL JUST GET MY BASE BALL BAT AND LEAVE AND I WONT COME BACK INTILL I HAVE SMASHED EVERY SHITTY CAMERA.
CG: AND NO, HER MOM IS IN ASLEEP, OR SOMETHING, I DONT KNOW I JUST GOT THE FUCK OUT BEFORE BLIND GIRL CAN TRICK ME INTO STAYING LONGER.

TA: no ii just heard iit from a group of kiid2, rumors spread fa2t kk.
TA: and of cor2e her mom wa2 2leeping, 2hes iin a coma you dumba22, couldnt you tell.

CG: OH BITCH TITS, PEOPLE ARE NOTICING??

TA: of cor2e they fuckiing diid you a22 wiipe. you’re the mo2t ornery person at the 2chool, “karkat vanta2 ha2 a FRIIEND??”

CG: YES, THEN THE WORLD KILLS IT’S SELF IN UTTER SHOCK AND THE SUDDEN REALIZATION THAT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE HAS COME.
CG: KARKAT VANTAS DOESNT FUCKING MAKE FRIENDS.
CG: AT SOME POINT THIS TEREZI GIRL IS JUST GOING TO GIVE UP.
CG: WE SHOULD CELEBRATE THAT DAY BY NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

TA: ye2 ii beliieve that would be a rather extraordiinary treat.
TA: but that day wont come.
TA: becau2e ii dont thiink you under2tand that thii2 terezii giirl iis way 2marter then you thiink. 2he2 gonna be your friiend dude, 2he know2 what 2he2 doiing, 2he’ll grow on ya ii bet, and theres nothiing you can do about iit.
TA: hell ii bet there iis goiing to be one thiing that makes you go up to her and thats when you know that your under her thumb.

CG: NOPE. THATS IT.
CG: I’M LEAVING. OUR FRIEND SHIP’S ENGINE HAS FINALLY EXPLODED, AND NOW WE ARE SINKING IN THE VAST ABYSS OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO. WE ARE OFFICIALLY TALKING ABOUT GIRLS.
CG: EXCUSE ME WHILE I SPEND MY LAST LIVING MOMENTS GETTING DRUNK FROM THE MINNI BAR AND PUKING ON ONE OF THE PASSENGER’S BABY.
CG: I GUESS TO BE MORE POETIC, VOMITING ON AN INFANT CAN BE SYMBOLISM ABOUT JUST HOW MUCH I HATE YOU, AND HOW MUCH I JUST WANT TO BARF ALL OVER THIS THIS SHITTY PHONE AND CHUCK IT INTO A POND.

TA: ii enjoyed thiis conversatiion a2 much a2 you diid kk.

CG: LIKE EVERY CONVERSATION WE EVER HAD.

TA: naturally.

carcinoGeneticist started pestering twinArmageddons at 9:30 pm

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carcinoGeneticist[CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: ITS COLD AS SHIT.
CG: SO FUCKING FREEZING MY SCROTUM HAS SUCKED INTO MY BODY, AND I THINK I AM EXPERIENCING MY FIRST MENSTRUATION CYCLE. 
TA: dude.
TA: that2 fuckiing gro22.
TA: ju2t turn up the thermo2tat, ii can LIIVE with out your con2tant te2te2 or newly tran2formed ovary update2. 
TA: iim bu2y.
CG: OH. OH IM SORRY. 
CG: DID I INTERRUPT YOUR COZY ASSHOLE SHENANIGANS AND SHOVELING OF TRAIL MIX DOWN YOUR IGNORANT, GREASY PUKE TUBE IN THE WARMTH AND COMFORT OF YOUR SHITTY APARTMENT. 
TA: traiil miix ii2 awe2ome. 
CG: DID I INTERRUPT A CASUAL MOTOR BOATING WITH A CERTAIN PRINCESS I’D WAGER? 
CG: IF SO LET ME SAY AGAIN.
CG: SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, DUE TO THE FACT THAT IM FREEZING MY ASS OFF OUT HERE.
CG: AND THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE OF GOING INTO MY HOUSE TO WARM UP SOLLUX
CG: REALLY HELPED ME OUT OF A JAM THERE!
CG: HOW CREATIVE!
CG: NOTHING LIKE LISTENING TO YOUR HIDEOUS FATHER, LAUGH DRUNKENLY AT THE TV’S STATIC ALL NIGHT TO LUL YOU TO SLEEP. 
CG: FUCKING PRECIOUS, MUSIC TO MY EARS, I’M YAWNING AND SMILING WARMLY LIKE A FUCKING ASS MUNCH OVER HERE ALREADY. 
CG: HAVE NOTHING TO SAY?
CG: ITS COOL, EVEN IF YOU DID I WONT BE ABLE TO RESPOND. 
CG: I’M STARTING TO LOOSE THE ABILITY TO ACTUALLY CALIBRATE MY FINGERS INTO ACTUALLY TYPING A BIG FAT “FUCK YOU” EVEN IF YOU DO RETURN. 
CG: FORGET ABOUT EVEN FEELING THEM.
TA: k back.
CG: FROM WHERE. 
TA: from telliing GC that youre 2leepiing out2iide iin the dead of wiinter. 
TA: maybe you 2hould thiink twiice about telliing your friiend2 about your problem2 next tiime you iin2ufferable priick. 
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS GC
CG: AND NO YOU DID NOT JUST CALL US FRIENDS.
CG: YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK YOU FAGGOT. 
CG: YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE. 
TA: enough jokiing kk.
TA: GC is terezii.
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG]

CG: WHAT.



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TerminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG] 

 

TC: HeEeYyYyY

 

CG: WHO IS THIS. 

 

TC: WhO EvEr yOu wAnT Me tO Be bRoThEr :o)

 

CG: OK. YEAH. NO.

 

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked TerminallyCapricious [TC]

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] unblocked TerminallyCapricious [TC]

 

CG: ARE

CG: ARE YOU THE GUY FROM THE OTHER DAY. 

 

TC: YeAh bRo!!! :oD HoNk

 

CG: HOW DID YOU GET THIS CHUM HANDLE

CG: HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND MY HOUSE. 

 

TC: Aw mAn bRo, YoU WoUlD NoT BeLiEvE ThE AmOuNt oF ShIt fLiPpErY My lIl sIsMoD WaS GoInG ThRoUgH.

TC: GoInG On aBoUt jUsT DeSsErTs aNd wHaT NoT

TC: BuT I WaS LiKe cHiLl mY LiTtLe bLiNd bIrD LoOk i aLrEaDy gOt tHe bIkE SeE???

TC: So sHe gAvE Me yOuR AdDrEsS AnD ChUm hAnDlE AnD SeNt mE On mY WaY. :O)

 

CG: OH WELL THANKS THEN I GUESS.

CG: FOR GETTING BACK MY BIKE. 

CG: DONT THINK THAT I OWE YOU ANYTHING THOUGH, MAN. 

CG: I NEVER ASKED YOU TO GET IT BACK. 

CG: SO FORGET ABOUT MONEY OR ANYTHING

CG: I MAY HAVE GOTTEN SCRAPED ON THE FLOOR BY THOSE DICKS YESTERDAY.

CG: BUT I CAN STILL TAKE DOWN ONE GUY. 

 

TC: EvEn a gUy tHaT ToOk dOwN FoUr gUyS? :o0

 

CG: IS THAT A THREAT?

 

TC: AwWw nO BrO. i dOnT WaNnA PiCk oN MoThErFuCkInG NoBoDy

TC: I WaS JuSt oVeRcOmE WiTh sOmE SeRiOuS CuRiOsItY By yOuR ClAiM BrOtHeR.

 

CG: IM STILL NOT PAYING YOU FOR ANYTHING

TC: :o(

TC: Aw bRo i wAs jUsT GoNnA MoThErFuCkIn eNqUiRe tHaT YoU TaLk tO TeReZi.

TC: NoT ThAt yOu oWe hEr oR Me aNyThInG

TC: JuSt tHoUgHt iT WaS YoU KnOw, A ReSpOnSiBiLiTy

 

CG: A RESPONSIBILITY?

CG: OH GOD PLEASE DONT GET ALL UP ON ME BECAUSE I AM HER NANNA.

CG: I KNOW I HAVE BEEN SLACKING OFF OK? 

CG: I JUST HAVE TO LAY LOW RIGHT NOW.

 

TC: BrO I DiDnT MeAn iT WaS YoUr rEsPoNsIbIlItY BeCaUsE ItS YoUr jOb.

TC: ItS BeCaUsE ItS YoUr rEsPoNsIbIlItY BeCaUsE YoU ArE TeReZi's fRiEnD

TC: IsNt tHaT WhAt fRiEnDs dO?

 

CG: WE ARENT FRIENDS. 

 

TC: WhAaAaAt :o0

TC: FuUuUuUuUuCk bRo tHaTs tOo bAd

 

CG: WHATEVER DUDE. 

CG: SHES KIND OF BEEN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE ON MY PALETTE.

CG: NOW THAT I THINK OF IT

CG: NOW THAT I BOUGHT MY BIKE THERE REALLY ISNT ANY REASON FOR ME TO BE BABY SITTING HER ANYMORE. 

CG: SO REALLY I CAN JUST QUIT AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.

CG: DONT THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU BEAT UP A COUPLE OF ASSHOLES FOR ME THAT YOU CAN JUST GO ON AND TELL ME TO TALK TO A GIRL THAT HAS DONE ABSOLUTLEY **NOTHING** TO FUCKING MAKE MY LIFE BETTER IN ANY FUCKING WAY. 

CG: I HOPE HER MOM WAKES UP 

CG: BUT ONLY FOR HER TO REALIZE THAT SHE HAS A WEIRD LAWYER MEETING IN CHINA AND HAS TO MOVE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY.

CG: AND JUST LEAVE ME AND MY LIFE THE FUCK A LONE. 

CG: IN FACT HERES SOMETHING, IF WE ARE STILL DOING THE “HEY BRO CAN YOU TALK TO TEREZI” THING

CG: WHY DONT YOU JUST TELL HER THAT IM FUCKING DONE WITH HER. I GOT WHAT I WANTED AND SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED. 

CG: SEE? EVERYBODY WINS! 

 

TC: HaHaHaHaHaHa

TC: TeZ WaRnEd mE AbOuT YoU DoIn tHaT

TC: YoU ReAlLy dOnT GeT It dO YoU :o?

 

CG: GET WHAT.

 

TC: ThE MiRaClE, bRoThEr.

TC: ThE MiRaClE Of fRiEnDsHiP.

TC: HoNk :o)

 

CG: OH MY GOD NO.

CG: WE ARE DONE HERE.

CG: FOREVER. 

 

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked TerminallyCapricious [TC]

 

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