Chapter 1: A Beginning to a Wonderful Guideship
Chapter 2: Bright Eyes
parents are a great impact on a kid's life, wheather they can't be there for you because they are in a coma. or the fact that they are just assholes that were never ment to be around children in the first place.
this is were i start to face palm cause it gets sad around here, dont get me wrong im still going to try to make it comical. its just going to be a saaddd comic. or by my standards it is.
Chapter 3: I THREW AWAY YOUR GIFT AND NOW I AM FLIPPING YOU OFF
karkat isnt all that unsocial, he has a pretty tight hacker buddy, whom he knows goes to his school, but doesnt make an effort to meet him in person, and that tight hacker buddy just so happens to know a princess, wow.
lets all watch and laugh at karkat slowly starts to except terezi as a neutral friend.
nope i have no excuse for this.
carcinoGeneticist started pestering twinArmageddons at 8:00pm
TA: ii diidn’t know liibrariies were open thiis late.
CG: OF CORSE THEY’RE NOT YOU ASSHOLE, I’M NOT PESTERING YOU FROM THE LIBRARY, I’M TEXTING YOU WITH THAT HACKED HOME PHONE YOU SENT ME.
TA: how iis iit? doe2 iit work properly, why have you waiited iintiill now to u2e the shiit ii made.
CG: ENOUGH WITH THE QUESTIONS, FIRST, IT WORKS FOR SHIT, SECOND, BECAUSE YOU SUCK AND THIS WAS MY LAST RESORT TO GET MY HANDS ON A COMPUTER AFTER DARK.
TA: anyway2 whatever you wanted, you better 2piit iit out, cau2e iim doiing busiiness.
CG: OK SERIOUSLY, YOU HAVE TO STOP GIVING THESE CODES TO FUCKING STRANGERS AROUND THE WORLD.
TA: iit2 good pay.
TA: for an angry guy your a total pan2y a22, ii bet that church iis makiing you all soft.
TA: by the way, diid you fiind god yet?? or iis he 2tiill beiing an a22hole iin the clouds. heheheh.
CG: DONT GET ME STARTED DUDE, EVEN IF HE WERENT AN ASSHOLE, CATERING TO HIS LITTLE GET TOGETHER 3 TIMES A FUCKING WEEK HAS MADE MY LIFE A FUCK LOAD MORE SUCKY.
TA: what ii2 with your dad and reliigiion anyway.
CG: DONT TALK ABOUT MY DAD. MY DAD IS A RAVING DOUCHE BAG THAT LEANS ON JESUS TO MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING, I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM WHEN IM HAVING A SOCIAL CONVERSATION.
TA: we dont have 2ociial conver2atiion2, come on, were not even 2ociial to begiin wiith.
TA: hell ii’ve known you for like almo2t two year2 now, and niiether of u2 ha2 exchanged names or location, ii had to track you down two giive you that goddamn hacked phone.
TA: we know we liive in the same area, we even go two the 2ame school. but hell iif we wiill have to meet iin person.
CG: IT WILL BE A DARK DAY IF I EVER HAVE TO TALK TO YOU’RE HIDEOUS FACE.
TA: who know2, you might have already.
CG: YEAH I FUCKING DOUBT IT, I DONT TALK TO THOSE DICK WEEDS AT SCHOOL.
CG: IS THAT SERIOUSLY A QUESTION THAT YOU ARE ASKING, OF CORSE FUCKING REALLY-- WAIT NO. HA HA. I WAS KIDDING AM SUCH A HIP KID, I HAVE ALL OF THE FRIENDS ALL OF THEM.
CG: THAT WAS SARCASM, IDIOT. NOBODY TALKS TO ME AND AND IT WILL STAY THAT WAY.
TA: what about terezii?
CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER.
CG: AND THAT MEANS YOU KNOW ME IN PERSON. SO WHAT THE FUCK.
TA: ii only fiigured, ii kiind of knew who you were for a whiile now, all the fact2 and calculatiions poiinted two iit.
TA: you really dont have to worry about iit, iits not liike ii’ll hassle you about iit IIN PERSON.
CG: YOU AND YOUR SHITTY CALCULATIONS.
CG: MAN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF HELL IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH EVER SENSE SCHOOL STARTED.
CG: THAT BITCH WONT LEAVE ME ALONE.
TA: ii thiink 2hes pretty 0kay
TA: 2he 2at next two me for a week at lunch, 2he 2aiid that you needed two be alone for a whiile.
TA: ii thiink 2he knew you would come crawliing back.
CG: I DIDNT COME CRAWLING BACK TO THAT CRAZY ASS PHYCO BITCH.
TA: and yet you walk her to the ho2piital.
TA: diid you meet her mom?
CG: OK DO YOU HAVE FUCKING CAMERAS AROUND THE CITY, JUST WATCHING ME, BECAUSE IF YOU DO I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL JUST GET MY BASE BALL BAT AND LEAVE AND I WONT COME BACK INTILL I HAVE SMASHED EVERY SHITTY CAMERA.
CG: AND NO, HER MOM IS IN ASLEEP, OR SOMETHING, I DONT KNOW I JUST GOT THE FUCK OUT BEFORE BLIND GIRL CAN TRICK ME INTO STAYING LONGER.
TA: no ii just heard iit from a group of kiid2, rumors spread fa2t kk.
TA: and of cor2e her mom wa2 2leeping, 2hes iin a coma you dumba22, couldnt you tell.
CG: OH BITCH TITS, PEOPLE ARE NOTICING??
TA: of cor2e they fuckiing diid you a22 wiipe. you’re the mo2t ornery person at the 2chool, “karkat vanta2 ha2 a FRIIEND??”
CG: YES, THEN THE WORLD KILLS IT’S SELF IN UTTER SHOCK AND THE SUDDEN REALIZATION THAT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE HAS COME.
CG: KARKAT VANTAS DOESNT FUCKING MAKE FRIENDS.
CG: AT SOME POINT THIS TEREZI GIRL IS JUST GOING TO GIVE UP.
CG: WE SHOULD CELEBRATE THAT DAY BY NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER.
TA: ye2 ii beliieve that would be a rather extraordiinary treat.
TA: but that day wont come.
TA: becau2e ii dont thiink you under2tand that thii2 terezii giirl iis way 2marter then you thiink. 2he2 gonna be your friiend dude, 2he know2 what 2he2 doiing, 2he’ll grow on ya ii bet, and theres nothiing you can do about iit.
TA: hell ii bet there iis goiing to be one thiing that makes you go up to her and thats when you know that your under her thumb.
CG: NOPE. THATS IT.
CG: I’M LEAVING. OUR FRIEND SHIP’S ENGINE HAS FINALLY EXPLODED, AND NOW WE ARE SINKING IN THE VAST ABYSS OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO. WE ARE OFFICIALLY TALKING ABOUT GIRLS.
CG: EXCUSE ME WHILE I SPEND MY LAST LIVING MOMENTS GETTING DRUNK FROM THE MINNI BAR AND PUKING ON ONE OF THE PASSENGER’S BABY.
CG: I GUESS TO BE MORE POETIC, VOMITING ON AN INFANT CAN BE SYMBOLISM ABOUT JUST HOW MUCH I HATE YOU, AND HOW MUCH I JUST WANT TO BARF ALL OVER THIS THIS SHITTY PHONE AND CHUCK IT INTO A POND.
TA: ii enjoyed thiis conversatiion a2 much a2 you diid kk.
CG: LIKE EVERY CONVERSATION WE EVER HAD.
carcinoGeneticist started pestering twinArmageddons at 9:30 pm
Chapter 4: chapter 4 A PLOT IS YET TO BE RISEN
nepeta is in love
eridan is a whinny spoiled brat
and karkat meets kanaya
not much happens in this chapter, just more characters get introduced
Chapter 5: ALL I WANNA DO. IS RIDE MY BICYCLE.
THE TIME I GO TO GIRLS FOR MONEY PROBLEMS IS THE DAY I BECOME ONE FROM SOME BULLSHIT BUDDHIST RE INCARNATION THEORY, AS PUNISHMENT THAT I WOULD EVEN THINK ABOUT SHARING MONEY WITH A PSYCHOTIC BLIND GIRL.
official end to chapter 1
wow that was a stupid FUCKING BEGINNING OF A STORY.
Chapter 6: got some filipino action going on there...
sollux finally gets to meet CC his internet buddy in person!!!
the reason why karkat is letting terezi hug his arm is because he knows that resistance is futile.
Chapter 7: Team Charge....ing you for A FUCKING SHITTY ASS WINDOW.
ITS COLD AND NOW I HAVE TO GIVE AN AUSTRALIAN ASIAN AND A CRIPPLE 100 DOLLARS FOR A SHITTY WINDOW
THIS IS GETTING STUPIDER THAN I THOUGHT
I WANT TO RENAME THIS FAN COMIC
SHITTY, DEPRESSING, UREALISTIC, HUMAN BOUND AU LIKE WE NEED A NOTHER FUCKING HUMAN AU, CLICHE STORY.
Chapter 8: The sad part kicks in oh damn it
sad stuff is starting to happen
carcinoGeneticist[CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: ITS COLD AS SHIT.
CG: SO FUCKING FREEZING MY SCROTUM HAS SUCKED INTO MY BODY, AND I THINK I AM EXPERIENCING MY FIRST MENSTRUATION CYCLE.
TA: that2 fuckiing gro22.
TA: ju2t turn up the thermo2tat, ii can LIIVE with out your con2tant te2te2 or newly tran2formed ovary update2.
TA: iim bu2y.
CG: OH. OH IM SORRY.
CG: DID I INTERRUPT YOUR COZY ASSHOLE SHENANIGANS AND SHOVELING OF TRAIL MIX DOWN YOUR IGNORANT, GREASY PUKE TUBE IN THE WARMTH AND COMFORT OF YOUR SHITTY APARTMENT.
TA: traiil miix ii2 awe2ome.
CG: DID I INTERRUPT A CASUAL MOTOR BOATING WITH A CERTAIN PRINCESS I’D WAGER?
CG: IF SO LET ME SAY AGAIN.
CG: SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, DUE TO THE FACT THAT IM FREEZING MY ASS OFF OUT HERE.
CG: AND THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE OF GOING INTO MY HOUSE TO WARM UP SOLLUX
CG: REALLY HELPED ME OUT OF A JAM THERE!
CG: HOW CREATIVE!
CG: NOTHING LIKE LISTENING TO YOUR HIDEOUS FATHER, LAUGH DRUNKENLY AT THE TV’S STATIC ALL NIGHT TO LUL YOU TO SLEEP.
CG: FUCKING PRECIOUS, MUSIC TO MY EARS, I’M YAWNING AND SMILING WARMLY LIKE A FUCKING ASS MUNCH OVER HERE ALREADY.
CG: HAVE NOTHING TO SAY?
CG: ITS COOL, EVEN IF YOU DID I WONT BE ABLE TO RESPOND.
CG: I’M STARTING TO LOOSE THE ABILITY TO ACTUALLY CALIBRATE MY FINGERS INTO ACTUALLY TYPING A BIG FAT “FUCK YOU” EVEN IF YOU DO RETURN.
CG: FORGET ABOUT EVEN FEELING THEM.
TA: k back.
CG: FROM WHERE.
TA: from telliing GC that youre 2leepiing out2iide iin the dead of wiinter.
TA: maybe you 2hould thiink twiice about telliing your friiend2 about your problem2 next tiime you iin2ufferable priick.
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS GC
CG: AND NO YOU DID NOT JUST CALL US FRIENDS.
CG: YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK YOU FAGGOT.
CG: YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE.
TA: enough jokiing kk.
TA: GC is terezii.
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG]
Chapter 9: sleep
the one thing that can make karkat less of a douche is listening to people's romantic problems
also watching movies with blind girls is relaxing?
Chapter 10: Quite a Mutation
a small update. but i made it that way to center around the conflict.
yeah I KNOW RIGHT?
WE FINALLY GET TO SEE THE CONFLICT OF THE STORY.
in case you didnt get it from the title
karkat's dad in humanstuckw/estory isnt the parallel to crabdad
karkat's mom is crabdad
i never said i didnt genderbend.
karkat's human parallel to rather then having mutated blood is having a dysfunctional father. that makes karkat afraid of getting close to others and believing himself.
which i believe is what trollkarkat's blood did to him as well but on a much more physiological degree.
WOOPS IM GETTING TOO DEEP THIS IS STUPID JUST ENJOY THE UPDATE
Chapter 11: The miracle that was bound to happen
wow i hope this is the last depressing chapter we have to gulp down before the funny comes back
oh please let the funny come back
Chapter 12: The Role Model
Jack Noir is like
the worst person to give advice to a child.
TerminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]
CG: WHO IS THIS.
TC: WhO EvEr yOu wAnT Me tO Be bRoThEr :o)
CG: OK. YEAH. NO.
CarcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked TerminallyCapricious [TC]
CarcinoGeneticist [CG] unblocked TerminallyCapricious [TC]
CG: ARE YOU THE GUY FROM THE OTHER DAY.
TC: YeAh bRo!!! :oD HoNk
CG: HOW DID YOU GET THIS CHUM HANDLE
CG: HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND MY HOUSE.
TC: Aw mAn bRo, YoU WoUlD NoT BeLiEvE ThE AmOuNt oF ShIt fLiPpErY My lIl sIsMoD WaS GoInG ThRoUgH.
TC: GoInG On aBoUt jUsT DeSsErTs aNd wHaT NoT
TC: BuT I WaS LiKe cHiLl mY LiTtLe bLiNd bIrD LoOk i aLrEaDy gOt tHe bIkE SeE???
TC: So sHe gAvE Me yOuR AdDrEsS AnD ChUm hAnDlE AnD SeNt mE On mY WaY. :O)
CG: OH WELL THANKS THEN I GUESS.
CG: FOR GETTING BACK MY BIKE.
CG: DONT THINK THAT I OWE YOU ANYTHING THOUGH, MAN.
CG: I NEVER ASKED YOU TO GET IT BACK.
CG: SO FORGET ABOUT MONEY OR ANYTHING
CG: I MAY HAVE GOTTEN SCRAPED ON THE FLOOR BY THOSE DICKS YESTERDAY.
CG: BUT I CAN STILL TAKE DOWN ONE GUY.
TC: EvEn a gUy tHaT ToOk dOwN FoUr gUyS? :o0
CG: IS THAT A THREAT?
TC: AwWw nO BrO. i dOnT WaNnA PiCk oN MoThErFuCkInG NoBoDy
TC: I WaS JuSt oVeRcOmE WiTh sOmE SeRiOuS CuRiOsItY By yOuR ClAiM BrOtHeR.
CG: IM STILL NOT PAYING YOU FOR ANYTHING
TC: Aw bRo i wAs jUsT GoNnA MoThErFuCkIn eNqUiRe tHaT YoU TaLk tO TeReZi.
TC: NoT ThAt yOu oWe hEr oR Me aNyThInG
TC: JuSt tHoUgHt iT WaS YoU KnOw, A ReSpOnSiBiLiTy
CG: A RESPONSIBILITY?
CG: OH GOD PLEASE DONT GET ALL UP ON ME BECAUSE I AM HER NANNA.
CG: I KNOW I HAVE BEEN SLACKING OFF OK?
CG: I JUST HAVE TO LAY LOW RIGHT NOW.
TC: BrO I DiDnT MeAn iT WaS YoUr rEsPoNsIbIlItY BeCaUsE ItS YoUr jOb.
TC: ItS BeCaUsE ItS YoUr rEsPoNsIbIlItY BeCaUsE YoU ArE TeReZi's fRiEnD
TC: IsNt tHaT WhAt fRiEnDs dO?
CG: WE ARENT FRIENDS.
TC: WhAaAaAt :o0
TC: FuUuUuUuUuCk bRo tHaTs tOo bAd
CG: WHATEVER DUDE.
CG: SHES KIND OF BEEN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE ON MY PALETTE.
CG: NOW THAT I THINK OF IT
CG: NOW THAT I BOUGHT MY BIKE THERE REALLY ISNT ANY REASON FOR ME TO BE BABY SITTING HER ANYMORE.
CG: SO REALLY I CAN JUST QUIT AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
CG: DONT THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU BEAT UP A COUPLE OF ASSHOLES FOR ME THAT YOU CAN JUST GO ON AND TELL ME TO TALK TO A GIRL THAT HAS DONE ABSOLUTLEY **NOTHING** TO FUCKING MAKE MY LIFE BETTER IN ANY FUCKING WAY.
CG: I HOPE HER MOM WAKES UP
CG: BUT ONLY FOR HER TO REALIZE THAT SHE HAS A WEIRD LAWYER MEETING IN CHINA AND HAS TO MOVE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY.
CG: AND JUST LEAVE ME AND MY LIFE THE FUCK A LONE.
CG: IN FACT HERES SOMETHING, IF WE ARE STILL DOING THE “HEY BRO CAN YOU TALK TO TEREZI” THING
CG: WHY DONT YOU JUST TELL HER THAT IM FUCKING DONE WITH HER. I GOT WHAT I WANTED AND SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED.
CG: SEE? EVERYBODY WINS!
TC: TeZ WaRnEd mE AbOuT YoU DoIn tHaT
TC: YoU ReAlLy dOnT GeT It dO YoU :o?
CG: GET WHAT.
TC: ThE MiRaClE, bRoThEr.
TC: ThE MiRaClE Of fRiEnDsHiP.
TC: HoNk :o)
CG: OH MY GOD NO.
CG: WE ARE DONE HERE.
CarcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked TerminallyCapricious [TC]
Chapter 13: Bad case of the Dokis
friends can help you do things you wouldnt normally do when you know you are a lone.
like stand up for yourself.