Kink-meme sighed as it went down on its knees again. Blindfold slapped it across the face, hard. Always, always, kink-meme felt not good enough, as though it didn't measure up to some kind of standard.
Blindfold was always talking about being oppressed, but kink-meme thought that blindfold didn't realize quite how much privilege zie had.
Sure, zie identified as queer (or even, Queer) and not all of hir friends and family members had been accepting of some of the things zie had done in the past -- some, kink-meme sometimes dared think, just as stupid as some of the shit kink-meme had pulled. But blindfold had come into family money, had gone to prep school, and had hir Ph.D. And fine, zie too came from a mixed background, but blindfold passed much more easily than kink-meme.
Kink-meme had been schooled by now in how it was a bad thing to even want to pass, and that the concept of "passing" itself was derogatory and a set-back of all the most horrible kinds, but.
It knew that blindfold just didn't understand what it had been like to grow up hardscrabble, often going to bed hungry with a belly full of nothing but unfilled prompts, different people always pulling it in different directions, never peace to do any homework because of the loud yelling all the time, always craving approval but often not getting any. Knowing it was different from many of the other kids around -- poor, confused, mixed-up, and with what some folk would call an "unnatchrul intrist" in certain things.
When it met blindfold, it had seemed so wonderful -- someone who not only understood a lot of things about kink-meme but was able to explain them, and who cared about kink-meme and its interests. It thought.
As long as kink-meme would do as zie said most of the time and take instruction and admit its failings. And not get in the way of blindfold's friendships with others.
(When they first met haven -- who used to be called perma, but blindfold had told kink-meme it was perfectly reasonable to want to divest one's self of the constraints of old identity at least once in life -- zie'd seemed very nice. But later on kink-meme could tell that haven only liked parts of it, whereas zie seemed to like blindfold a lot more. Haven was also a little weird, nice sometimes but kind of mean other times, and sometimes the things zie said didn't make any sense. Kink-meme wondered if maybe there was a doctor for that kind of thing. But asking about that would be sure to get it in trouble with blindfold, and anyway haven wasn't really its friend so much as blindfold's.)
Blindfold also wanted kink-meme to keep working on learning how to be a more submissive sub. Because blindfold really liked that.
Kink-meme had kind of been interested in that too, so it had asked if they could try it the other way around.
But the few times that blindfold had agreed to sub for kink-meme had not been satisfying at all. Blindfold had been so, well, condescending about it that it took all the pleasure of being able to tell someone what to do -- with their fully negotiated consent of course, blindfold had insisted on the 17-page checklist and a giant array of verbal and non-verbal safewording options -- out of it.
Sometimes, secretly, even though it knew it ought to be jealous, kink-meme didn't mind that blindfold took off for zir "regular retreat" with haven a few times a year.