Tony wasn't interested in leaving Malibu. He had one of the most spectacular pieces of real estate on the planet and Nick Fury, clearly more delusional than ever, wanted him to move to New York City to cut down on his commute time. Like navigating through New York City traffic could somehow get him to ridiculous secret government meetings faster than just flying there in his armor - but Fury was dead set on it.
He'd offered him the top five floors of an extravagant hotel he'd been staying at himself. Tony bought the hotel and kicked SHIELD out. He'd offered access to highly classified tech other government agents were working on, and Tony nearly punched him in the nose. As if government workers could invent anything Tony hadn't already thought of five years ago. Then Fury had dug his feet into the sand and actually threatened exposing some vaguely illegal corporate tax fraud bullshit going on in Stark Industries, and he was forced to learn the hard way that Pepper was more than a pretty face. Tony was nice enough to talk her into convincing a handful of influential senators that there was no need to cut SHIELD's funding after all.
And then Fury had assembled the first Avengers team meeting, where everyone could finally meet face to face. Tony moved to New York the next day.
It hadn't been a huge surprise to learn that every single member of the Avengers initiative had sticks in their asses, but it was a bit disappointing. He'd read comic books as a kid, sometimes still did (hey, he was a sucker for Batman), and even in fiction super heroes had problems having fun with the fact that they were, well, super heroes. It was one of those cases where he couldn't be sure if it was art imitating life or life imitating art.
Normally Tony had no problems seducing people in less than a day, but the Avengers were just full of challenges. Natasha rebuffed his attempts at flirting with a well practiced ease, Steve was oblivious, Thor just got confused in all the wrong ways, Maria threatened him with physical violence (and then followed through with it when he'd stupidly said he liked women who took charge), Clint occasionally humored him when he wasn't distracted by Natasha or Coulson (which was almost always), and Banner just blushed and made excuses to get back to his work. And Coulson and Fury, well, he hadn't been desperate enough to try charming them into his bed yet.
But hey, if the slow burn was what his team needed to get their rocks off, well, Tony could do that too.
At the time, throwing a party had seemed like such a good idea. Tony had been out of the papers too long, he hadn't made use of his east coast contacts yet, and it was a way to see the rest of the Avengers in formal attire and obliged to at least have a little bit of alcohol.
But somehow he still seemed to be the only one enjoying himself.
"Drinks?" Tony asked, as he appeared behind Thor and Steve with a tray of champagne he'd stolen from the nearest waiter.
"No thanks," Steve said in reply. He was wearing a modified formal military uniform that had been made especially for him, secretly funded and requested by Tony. He'd have to remember to tip Ms. Van Dyne later, because he looked gorgeous in the perfectly fitting dark navy cloth with gold trim.
"Aw, c'mon, it's a party, even Thor's having some," Tony cajoled, nodding his chin towards Thor, who was looking particularly amusing at the moment as he held the tiny flute of champagne in one giant hand. "It's good, right?"
Thor took a dainty sip and Tony's teeth gleamed as his grin widened.
"Asgardian ale is better."
"Maybe next time I'll import some," Tony said. Thor smiled in return. Tony waved the trayless waiter over and gave back the platter of champagne, plucking up a glass in each hand as the waiter left to serve other guests. He tried to nudge one into Steve's hands.
"Tony, really, I don't need one, there's no point."
"Oh, that's right! You can't get drunk anymore. How are you supposed to be the perfect human if you can't get drunk, anyway?" Tony hid his embarrassment by drinking everything from the champagne flute he'd been trying to pass to Steve in one gulp. If he hadn't already had so many glasses, he would've remembered that little factoid. Probably.
"No one's perfect," Steve said in a way that was entirely too genuine, a crooked smile on his lips. Tony took a drink from the second glass to hide the fact he wanted to kiss them.
"No one's god, either, but look at him," He said, patting at Thor affectionately. Thor tipped his head back as he laughed, looking remarkably normal for once in his (perfectly tailored) black tuxedo (that Tony bought for him). Steve's smile straightened out. "C'mon Rogers, it's a party, have some fun."
"I am," he said sincerely.
"Well, I'll be having way more fun over there if you two want to join me," Tony informed them. He broke away from them to make a beeline towards the gorgeous brunette who was dancing with Banner, cutting in between them as politely as possible. He waved at Thor and Steve as he swung her around. They hadn't followed, but they kept watching him as they continued chatting together at the fringe of the party. Maybe the party hadn't been a total waste after all.
"What could you possibly be doing that's more entertaining than getting to see Coulson attempt karaoke?" Tony asked, hovering just outside the door to Thor's room in the mansion. "Do you even watch TV? Or use the internet?"
"I have found many interesting stories on the television, but no, Captain America gave me a book."
"Didn't think you were the reading type," Tony commented. He edged forward into the room, curious to see what book it was that could keep Thor from coming. He'd been so sure that the premise of Coulson embarrassing himself on stage would lure more of the team out for once, but he'd only been able to reel in Clint and Natasha.
"Loki was more fond of books than I," Thor admitted, "But I enjoyed them as a child." He was lounging in an armchair, actually wearing casual human clothes for once. Tony thought about having someone buy him some better fitting ones, but dismissed it just as quickly as he eyed the bit of smooth, exposed stomach between the too small t-shirt and the low hang of his drawstring pants. At the sight of movement, he tore his eyes away to read the cover of the book Thor extended towards him. The Sun Also Rises.
"Hemmingway," Tony snorted, and Thor raised his eyebrows at him.
"Do you dislike this book?"
"No. It's just kind of fitting, since-"
"No!" Thor practically shouted, and Tony jumped back a bit in alarm. Even without his Asgardian armor, wielding a book instead of Mjolnir, Thor looked kind of terrifying when he yelled. "I have only just begun to read it."
"Oh," Tony brightened, "Right. Well, I won't spoil it for you. Enjoy your night in. Maybe tomorrow I'll teach you how to use the internet so you can watch porn."
"You didn't have porn on Asgard?" Tony made a sympathetic face and wondered if maybe that was some part of the reason he'd been having no success with Thor so far.
"If we did, we did not call it by such a name. What is it?"
Tony's mask of sympathy slid easily into a wolfish grin.
"Videos of people fucking. Uh, or love making or fornicating or whatever you guys call it back home. You can find people doing anything," Tony told him, watching carefully for any kind of reaction. Thor glanced upwards and seemed to be pondering the concept without a trace of a blush crossing his cheeks. Tony wasn't sure if that was a good sign, or if Asgardians maybe just didn't blush.
"No, we had nothing like that," Thor said, "There was no need."
Now there was an interesting statement. Unluckily for Tony, Clint called from downstairs before he had the chance to jump on it and find out just what kind of place didn't need porn.
"Last chance," Tony said as he backpedaled towards the door. Thor just shook his head, gold hair swaying slightly, and returned to his book. Clint yelled from downstairs again, apparently getting impatient. Tony lingered in the door frame for a short moment.
"Have a good evening, Stark," Thor said without looking up.
"Wait, let me get this straight - you've been spending all this time in your workshop using SHIELD's equipment to build a 'super bong'?"
"Please, I bought SHIELD this equipment myself. And it took me an hour to make, tops. I'm not slacking off, so don't get all huffy with me when I made it for you Mr. Rogers."
Steve apparently thought better of lecturing him and cut himself off with a sigh.
Tony had insisted he'd needed Steve in his work shop, and Steve had obliged, probably thinking another piece of heavy equipment needed moving. Tony had done an awful lot of needless redecorating in the work shop over the past couple of weeks as an excuse to have Steve and Thor come in and lift things. He also had them opening his jars of jelly and pickles that he'd been unable to open himself since moving to New York.
"You were majoring in art, please don't pretend you've never done this before," Tony insisted, pushing Steve towards the table where the bong and pot were. His hands might've been a bit lower than they needed to be.
"Illustration," Steve corrected. "And I was just a kid who wasn't responsible for the safety of others at the time."
"It's midnight on a Monday, no one's going to try and take over New York right now."
It was true. Almost all of the attacks happened on Wednesday afternoons just after rush hour for some reason.
"You can't know that."
"And you can't be responsible for the world every hour of every day," Tony insisted, sitting in one of the chairs, smiling up at Steve in a way he'd picked up from girls in school who'd wanted him to do their homework. The look was all in the eyelashes. Steve folded his arms, but his eyes softened. "Well fine, I'll just have it all by myself, and since I don't have a super immune system, who knows how much it'll effect me. I might get into my suit and accidentally fly into an airplane."
Steve sighed at him again.
"Come on. It's been like two months and I've never seen you relax once. You deserve a break."
"But people are relying on us, we can't-"
"They'll still be there in the morning, I promise. Plus if you never chill out, eventually you'll snap and murder a busload of kids."
Tony watched as Steve slowly cracked. He sat down rigidly in the other chair, his mouth set in a small scowl.
"Just a couple hits," he insisted, and Tony nodded. "And just to keep an eye on you." Tony nodded again and lit up the bong so expertly crafted it could even get super soldiers high.
Just a couple hits ended up being almost half the stash Tony had brought with him. And his calculations had been perfect. Captain America and Iron Man were stoned out of their minds. And naked. And kissing on a beat up sofa Tony took naps on when he was in the middle of long projects.
"Have you ever done this before?" Steve asked as he pulled away for a moment. Tony moved his hands from where they'd been roaming down Steve's back to pull his head back for more kissing, laughter serving as his answer. The back of Steve's neck was warm under his hand.
"I did, once," Steve murmured, his voice dreamy and far away as Tony languidly planted lazy, light kisses along his jawline.
"Bucky?" Tony asked before he nuzzled lower to leave a hard kiss against Steve's neck, sucking and biting at the smooth skin. It would've left a hickey, if he hadn't been Steve.
"Noo-ooo," Steve said, laughing as he drew the word out, "Your dad."
Tony pulled away from Steve's neck, staring down at the wet patch of reddened skin in confusion as images of his dad slipped unwelcomed into his head. And then he went still, processing that mentally scarring bit of information as Steve massaged his scalp and bucked against him. If Steve wasn't so fucking hot, he'd have gone soft right then.
"If you want me to fuck you, then please god never mention that again," Tony threatened. Steve just groaned and leaned back on the sofa, pulling Tony with him. Their bodies tangled together and Tony forgot all about whatever they'd just been saying as he claimed Steve's mouth in a wet kiss. Steve rocked his hips upwards and Tony marveled at himself as he realized Steve was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Steve who didn't break a sweat during any of their training sessions. Captain America, human perfection, was sweating, and they hadn't even done anything that sexy yet.
"You're so warm," Steve babbled, one hand slowly sliding down Tony's back again and again, the other kneading and grabbing at his ass.
"You're hot," Tony said in reply, a shiver racing through his body despite the heat. He pulled away and shifted his weight til he was kneeling over Steve, knees and arms keeping his back against the sofa, and Tony stayed there for several long moments in a dizzy haze, eyes raking over the other man's naked, perfect body. He was like a living sculpture with beautiful blue eyes and better hair. Then he bucked up against him and Tony twisted around to grab for the nearest bottle of lube from a desk drawer because if he came before getting to fuck Captain America, he'd never forgive himself.
Coating his fingers, he used his other hand to push Steve's legs further apart, and slowly probed inside of him as Steve jacked himself off. Steve's head lolled back as Tony added a second finger, small gasps and groans trickling from his open mouth, and he offered surprisingly little resistance. Tony scissored his fingers and Steve's even stroking of his cock became more erratic and jerky, the groans louder. Then Tony crooked his fingers and pressed downwards and watched with delight as Steve cried out and used his legs to pull their bodies closer together. They stayed locked together, rocking and rubbing, as Tony explored Steve's body, relaxing him.
"Wait," Tony gasped, trying to draw back, "Let me..."
And then Steve lowered his legs and Tony pulled away, entirely, and shuddered at the noise Steve made when he slid his fingers out of his ass. Fumbling for the lube again, he spread it over his cock with a shaky hand, fighting the urge to just finish himself off now and come all over Steve's face.
"Here, move," Tony said, finding it impossible to move Steve, and nudged him his head faced the back of the couch instead of the armrests, and Steve shifted beneath him, his legs splayed. Tony rested his knees against the edge of the sofa, half standing and half kneeling, and guided himself towards Steve's opening.
"Don't stop," Steve demanded as the head of Tony's cock slowly pushed into him, bending his legs around so his ankles dug into the back of Tony's thighs, urging him deeper.
"Wasn't gonna," Tony breathed, pushing steadily forward, sweat dripping down his brow. Steve was unbelievably tight and so warm around him and his thighs quivered with restraint when he paused for a moment to adjust his angle. Steve was making the most beautiful noises. Tony pulled back for a moment, and half moaned and half giggled when he felt Steve's hands on his ass, pushing his hips forward. Fully sheathed, Tony dipped forward as Steve wriggled beneath him, dropping another kiss to his jaw. The clenching muscles around his cock relaxed, and then Tony's hips moved in deliberate, slow thrusts.
They kept together in that lazy rhythm for what felt like hours, but Tony was sure that had to be the weed, his vision speckling white when he felt release racing towards him. Steve was a beautiful mess of pleasure beneath him, flushed and gleaming with a thin layer of sweat and swollen, well kissed lips hanging open as moans came gasping out. Tony surged forward, breaking his hypnotic timing to thrust deep inside the other man. He let out a throaty groan and closed his eyes as he came. One of Steve's hands wrapped around the back of his throat, thumb brushing up and down at the nape of his neck.
"You've probably ruined sex for me," Tony panted, falling forward to rest against Steve's chest. It was the kind of thing he'd say to anyone, but this time it was true. Like anything could beat fucking Captain America.
He trailed a hand down Steve's chest, fingers brushing across his stomach, before he wrapped his fist around Steve's still achingly hard cock. Super soldier serum beat viagra any day of the week. Tony gave up on jerking him off after a few lazy pumps, determined to get Steve off even if all he wanted to do was pass out in a blissful haze of orgasm and weed. He pulled out gently to kneel in front of Steve's cock, leaving his fluid to trickle down Steve's thighs.
Steve murmured something about teases as Tony licked a few wet stripes along the sides of Steve's cock, and Tony took that as his cue to take the whole thing in his mouth in one perfected movement. His gag reflex had been lost a long time ago and he used it to his advantage, swallowing every inch of genetically perfect cock. Fingers tightened on the back of his neck and Tony hummed lightly as he sucked him off, staring up at Steve as he did.
Eventually, Tony's jaw started to hurt when human perfection had refused to fall for any of his technique and just come already. So he went for the cheap trick that always worked, even on super soldiers with ridiculous endurance, and pressed two fingers against Steve's tender hole.
"Tony," Steve gasped, and his grip on the back of his head turned to a vice as Tony pushed them inside, using his own spunk as lube as he searched for Steve's sweet spot again. He hollowed his cheeks and stroked and pushed with his fingers, and Steve cried out as he finally came. Tony swallowed every drop.
"Shh," Tony interrupted, climbing back onto the sofa, "Amazing, I know."
Steve slid down to lie across the sofa, eyes fluttering shut even as Tony sprawled himself out on top of him. Huddled together in post-orgasmic bliss, they fell asleep within minutes.
Tony was the first to wake up sometime during the early morning, and he tossed a blanket over Steve before leaving him to wake up alone in a few hours time.
Tony stood behind the glass overlooking the training room, watching as Thor and Steve sparred. Even a floor up, the smell of ozone was palpable. Usually Thor held back in the training room, but for some reason today he seemed to be going nearly all out.
"You should clock in some time down there," Coulson said as he entered the observation area.
"Nah," Tony answered without looking away, "I don't like the odds today." Even from up here, he could see how red and sweaty Steve's face was, flushed with the exertion of keeping up with Thor. He was struck with twinges of jealousy and guilt as he remembered making him look that way in an entirely different scenario. Tony had made himself scarce for a few days, and the few times he passed Steve in the mansion, neither said anything or even made eye contact. Thor had glowered at him over breakfast that morning for some reason though, even after he'd been nice enough to toast pop-tarts for him.
"No, I guess not," Coulson said after he watched for a while, frowning. "I'd request Barton or Romanoff to come and put you through the paces, but I don't think your odds would be much better."
"Please, they couldn't handle me."
"Without the suit, Stark."
"I'd still win," Tony insisted, leaning down to watch as Steve actually caught Thor in a choke hold. He winced sympathetically when Thor broke free and flipped Steve over his shoulder, slamming him down into the mat with excessive force. He could've sworn he heard Coulson laugh when Steve managed to trip Thor so they were both sprawled face down on the training room floor, but when he glanced over at him, his expression was completely blank.
"Anyway," Coulson started, walking away towards the door, "I'd like you to take a look at the engine redesigns for the Helicarrier proposal."
"You know, I'd love to, but I'm actually really busy. Maybe tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," Tony insisted, brushing past him. "I'll have to redesign the whole thing from scratch anyway. The tech guys you hire are idiots."
"No argument there."
Tony poked his head into Thor's bedroom, surprised to find him in the armchair reading again. He figured that he'd have lost interest and spend the rest of his free time training or trying to track down Loki.
"Haven't finished that yet?" Tony asked, and Thor's eyes peaked over the top edge of the book's cover. He didn't even answer, just shook his head.
"Me and Barton are going out, wanna come?"
He shook his head silently again, and Tony didn't bother hiding his frown since Thor was so wrapped up in his book. If he and Steve weren't on such awkward terms at the moment, he'd go to his room and replace all his books with geometry text books so he couldn't give Thor anymore distractions.
"Well, see you."
"Good night, Stark."
He had to admit, even for him, having a pool installed on the roof and insisting on a cookout slash pool party to christen it was a stroke of genius. Swim suits required, of course.
Tony was covering himself in slightly excessive amounts of sunscreen (tans were good, but sunburns made people ugly) when Thor wandered up to the roof, wearing a gold pair of swim trunks that had, as per usual, been purchased by Tony. The only other person close to Thor's size was Steve, and Tony just couldn't abide having Thor in any kind of patriotic American flag trunks. Gold suited Thor, and it was Tony's favorite color.
"What are you doing?" Thor asked curiously, and Tony had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. Thor had no idea what sun screen was. This was the best day ever.
"Sunscreen!" He explained, waving the tube at Thor, "It's so you don't get a sunburn and die. You have to use it if you're out in the sun for a long time with skin exposed."
"I was unaware the sun on Midgard was so dangerous," Thor said, extending a hand to grab the sunscreen. He squinted at the tiny print as Tony finished rubbing the lotion into his arms.
"Yeah. UV rays can cause cancer, scary shit." Tony swiped the remaining lotion clinging to his palms across his face, and jumped on the golden opportunity before someone came along to ruin it. "Can you do my back? I can't reach."
Thor stared blankly at him for a few seconds.
"Please? So I don't die?"
Finally, Thor's smile, which had no right to be so charming, was back. He laughed and squeezed some lotion onto his gigantic hands.
"Being killed by your sun would not be a fitting death for a warrior," Thor agreed, and stepped behind him to slather it on his back. His hands weren't as rough as Tony had expected.
"You have to rub it in," Tony protested when Thor stopped mere seconds later, and didn't bother hiding the shiver of pleasure as Thor's hands slid along his back, heavy and slick with oil. When Thor lifted his hands away, Tony protested loudly until Thor continued.
"Stark, what are you doing?" Coulson called from where he was already lounging next to the pool, and Tony glared in his direction.
"Getting a massage from Thor. Jealous?" He shouted back, and Thor chuckled behind him. Coulson didn't look particularly amused, but he clearly had no sense of humor anyway. Tony sighed as Thor's hands fell away again.
"Well, turn about's fair play. Give me the lotion, I'll do it for you."
"I have been under suns much hotter than Midgards with no ill effects," Thor protested, but Tony didn't care. He probably would be fine, but it didn't hurt to be careful. And it was just such a wonderful excuse to feel someone up.
"The heat isn't the problem, it's the radiation. The sun could be twice as hot, but if our atmosphere were better, we wouldn't need to bother with sunscreen. So - just in case?"
Thor passed the tube back to Tony with a curt nod. Tony squeezed out a dab of sunscreen and moved to spread it on the top of Thor's cheeks, just under his eyes, but Thor caught his wrist and glowered.
"Hey, I put it on my face too. You need to keep your face pretty. I have fifty percent on your merchandising rights, I can't have you getting all wrinkly."
Thor snorted and raised an eyebrow, but let go of Tony's wrist.
"Close your eyes if you're worried about lotion getting in them, you baby," Tony said, amused at how Thor tilted away from the dollop of sunscreen as if it was some evil trickery of Loki's. He was even more amused when he actually did just that, eyelids snapping shut as Tony painted the lotion across his cheeks.
"Your mortal soaps and lotions are always burning my eyes when I bathe," Thor complained. Tony added a spot of lotion to Thor's nose and smoothed it down over the skin, laughing.
"You nearly get your arm ripped off in a fight and refuse to go to the hospital, but you whine about soap in your eyes. Maybe we should be attacking Loki with shampoo."
"I simply fail to understand why you would put something that causes such aversive reactions into something designed to cleanse you."
"Beats me, not my area. Maybe you should ask Banner," Tony said, rubbing the last of the sunscreen into Thor's face and pulling his hand away. "You can open your eyes now, but turn around, I'll get your back."
He was in the middle of using every last drop of sunscreen available to coat the small of Thor's back when Natasha emerged from the mansion in a black bikini, arching an eyebrow when she caught site of them. Tony flashed her his best 'don't you dare say anything' grin. Predictably, she was immune.
"Thor, did Tony say you needed sunscreen?" She asked, head tilting as she held back a smirk.
"Natasha, there's no need to be jealous, it can be your turn-"
"Thor, you're immune to radiation. You can't get skin cancer," Natasha informed him, finishing the chain of interruptions and ruining everything.
"He might be able to!" Tony insisted, but he gave up on coating Thor's body in lotion in case he suddenly felt compelled to turn around and deck him. It wasn't like he'd been doing a good job anyway, he'd been more interested in touching Thor's naked back than spreading the lotion on him in any kind of effective manner.
Natasha scoffed and strode away, and Tony chased after her with an unopened tube of sunscreen, leaving Thor behind to draw his own conclusions. She dove in the pool to get away from him and Tony stared down into the dark water mournfully.
"You can get my back, Stark," Coulson piped up, and Tony threw the sunscreen at him before jumping in after Natasha.
Tony stopped going out nearly nightly with Clint for drinks almost two weeks ago when Clint had finally admitted he was just a little curious about men and Tony let him suck him off in a back alley. So he was kicking himself when Thor finally asked to come along for once, and he didn't even have plans.
"I wasn't actually going out tonight," Tony admitted, slipping into Thor's bedroom. "Did you finally finish that book and get bored or something?"
"Yes. But I am capable of entertaining myself."
"Well, I did promise to teach you how to use the internet. That's a pretty good way to uh, entertain yourself," Tony said, moving to the shut laptop on Thor's unused desk. "C'mon. It'll be almost as fun as drinking."
Thor gave him a dubious look, but dragged his armchair over anyway as Tony plopped down into the twisty desk chair. And so the lesson began, and Tony regretted it almost instantly. Thor was more hopeless than 90 year old grandmothers.
"No," Tony barked, slapping at Thor's hand as he tried to use the touch pad to move his cursor to the address bar, "You search for things here, in the little blank box in the middle of the page under 'Google'."
They'd been at it for nearly an hour and Thor had yet to successfully use the internet for anything. He couldn't even figure out how to open programs from the desktop, and was fantastic at hitting the worst buttons and had even managed to input some shortcut Tony hadn't even known existed to reset the computer.
"I dislike your technology," Thor growled, and Tony worried his frustration would soon boil over and he'd go all Hulk on the nice laptop. Not that it really mattered, he could afford a thousand new replacements.
"Maybe I should just get you a Mac," Tony said with a sigh, leaning back in the computer chair and twirling to the left so he could watch Thor wage battle with the internet. "Try one last time and if all else fails, I could just have Jarvis do it for you with voice commands."
"A computer to run a computer?"
"Don't call him a computer, you'll hurt his feelings."
Thor slammed the laptop shut in frustration as he accidentally ended up closing the browser again. Despite his inability to use any kind of complex technology, Tony was almost impressed. Even just a month ago, Thor would have probably turned the laptop into a heap of shining circuitry and metal against the floor.
"Yeah, definitely getting you a Mac," Tony said to himself as Thor dragged his arm chair back into place.
"You do not wish to have the ethereal voice aid me?"
"You won't even let Jarvis make your coffee, didn't think you'd start letting him do anything for you now."
"I find it difficult to trust disembodied voices," Thor admitted. Tony grinned lopsidedly at him. Considering he was a being from a mystical dimension, Thor's skepticism of technology had always struck him as amusing.
"Well, no porn. You'll have to stick to your imagination for now," Tony said, glancing at Mjolnir in the corner. It had never seemed like a better time to come on to Thor in a less subtle manner, but even he had some reservations. How best to offer sexual favors to a Norse god of thunder who seemed primarily interested in women without offending him and being turned to a smoking pile of ash?
"Imagination was Loki's gift," Thor paused, eyebrows knitting together. "Sometimes you remind me of him."
"You - you have no idea what you just said, do you?"
"I did not mean to offend. My brother was not always as he is today."
"No, about uh, imagination. And your brother," Tony said, and struggled to hide his surprise at the sudden change of expression in Thor's face. His smile brightened as his eyes darkened, like he was remembering some long forgotten secret.
"Do not mistake me for a fool, Stark. I know what I said."
Thor's eyes glittered with challenge and Tony swore he could physically feel the pieces fall into place. Oh. Well, that spread a new and slightly horrific light on their fights with Loki.
"Loki, huh?" He said as he crossed the distance between them, "Well, I've met your brother, and I happen to think I'm a lot more creative than he is."
"Perhaps. But have you earned the right to let your imagination run wild?" Thor asked, sitting down in his armchair and looking unmistakably regal. Tony knelt in front of him without needing to be asked.
Of course Steve had to be lurking in the hallway just as Tony slipped quietly from Thor's bedroom. Steve turned to look as the door clicked shut, and Tony frantically tried to smooth his hair down into anything resembling his normal style as opposed to the 'Thor really likes to pull your hair while you suck his dick' look he was currently sporting.
"Teaching Thor how to use a computer," Tony blurted out at Steve's raised eyebrow. Tony totally did not panic when Steve strode towards him. "He sucks at it. I'm buying him a Mac. Do you want a Mac?"
"Fury caught me up to speed. I'm okay with computers," Steve said coolly. His hand extended towards Tony's face and for a moment he was convinced he was about to be slapped, but instead Steve just dragged a finger through part of his goatee, and then pulled away to show Tony the dull glimmer of come resting on his finger. "Missed a spot."
To his credit, Tony didn't flinch. What the hell was in the air on tonight? Steve looked far too smug and comfortable with the situation. He was from the 1940's. He should be shocked. Maybe even jealous. So Tony, being Tony, leaned forward and licked it off his finger.
"Thanks," he replied, just as coolly, lips curving into a smile as Steve finally looked properly taken aback. "Night, Rogers."
He walked down the hall for the elevator to his suite, and if the door to Thor's bedroom creaked open and shut once more, he didn't notice it.
Tony's sleep was interrupted by hushed whispers. Rolling onto his back, he peaked his eyes open, expecting to see he'd left his television on, or maybe Coulson in the corner on the phone with Fury, requesting his presence for something or other. He certainly hadn't been expecting Steve and Thor, though maybe he should have.
"Uh, hey," he croaked, voice dry with sleep. "Trouble?"
They stopped their whispering at the foot of his bed and looked at him, then back to each other. Thor was smiling like a shark, but Steve couldn't quite pull off the same, his toothy grin looking more eager than predatory.
"'Cause if there's not, I really need about," Tony paused to glance over at the time - 2:49 AM, "Two more hours of beauty sleep."
"By yourself?" Steve asked, and Tony was beginning to really catch on.
"No one else here," he said. He even tossed the sheets to the side to demonstrate his lovely king sized bed was empty aside from him. He choked down a laugh as Thor and Steve both actually checked, as if they'd expected to find Maria Hill curled up beneath the covers. Good thing they hadn't come last week, or she would've been. Thor was pulling off his shirt and crawling onto the bed before Tony could ask what they wanted, and Steve wasn't far behind. He was more okay with this than they probably thought he was, and at the moment, Tony doubted they thought highly of him at all.
The only light in the room came from the lights of New York City through the window, and his arc reactor. And as Thor descended upon him, the light of the reactor was snuffed out, blue glow trapped between their chests. Tony could only see Steve's silhouette as Thor attacked his mouth with searing kisses, but he could feel his hands stripping him of his boxers. Tony groaned into Thor's mouth as his cock sprung free, already half hard.
"You could ask first, you know," Tony protested, just on principle.
"We didn't think you'd mind."
He fumbled for Thor's own pants, tugging them down as far as possible before Steve yanked them entirely free. Thor broke away to shuck his own boxers off, and Tony sat up to deal with Steve, who was still wearing too many clothes. He brushed a hand over the tented fabric over Steve's crotch, enjoying the way Steve shuddered at such (mostly) innocent contact.
"Jarvis, turn off cameras and microphones," Tony commanded as he pulled down Steve's pants and boxers in one motion, the site of his naked body serving as something of a reminder. Some things SHIELD security officers shouldn't be privileged enough to see. He expected Thor to bitch about Jarvis, but he was quiet as he moved behind him. Tony nudged Steve towards the bedpost to sit back against as Thor pressed a heavy hand against his back, forcing him lower towards the bed. It was a bit bewildering to suddenly find themselves working together so well, naked and in bed.
"Spread your legs," Thor instructed, and Steve and Tony both did and Tony wondered who Thor had even been talking to. Tony wrapped his fingers around Steve's dick, pumping at it until it was fully erect and red and as perfect as he remembered. A hand at the back of his neck gently guided him forward, and Tony's tongue darted out, playful licks tickling along the head. He didn't pause when he felt suddenly slick fingers teasing around his entrance, just shuddered and pushed himself against the mattress, desperate for someone to just touch him.
"God, Tony," Steve murmured when Tony stopped teasing and lowered his mouth around his cock. Tony ghosted his fingers along Steve's balls and nearly choked when Steve's hand pushed desperately down against the back of his head and he found his nose pressed into his light colored pubes, struggling to relax the muscles in his throat. Thor made some kind of approving noise from behind them and Tony had to struggle to relax a second time when he felt the tickle of Thor's beard against his ass. There was no way he was about to do what Tony thought he might do. But he did.
Tony squirmed at the sensation of Thor's tongue inside him, soft and wet, flickering in and around his entrance, and moaned around Steve's cock. He reached desperately for his own, tugging and pulling as he pushed his ass back, greedy for more of Thor's attention. Then Thor, too, pulled away, and Tony whined at the loss.
"No," Thor said simply, and Tony looked up at Steve who was staring intently behind him, at Thor. He nodded at some silent command and then grabbed at his arm, using his strength to pull it towards him and Tony had to let go of his cock, which just wasn't fucking fair. Steve caught his other arm at the wrist and Tony fell forward into Steve's lap, finding it difficult to balance without the use of his hands.
"Fuck," Tony cursed, tuning his head to rest against Steve's thigh. Steve held his wrists at an awkward angle just in front of his own chest, and Tony was reminded of the few times he'd ended up handcuffed to a bedpost, except Steve's hands were probably stronger.
"For once, Tony Stark," Thor rumbled, "You will focus on the pleasure of others besides yourself." And god, that just made him harder and he tilted his head down, panting against the skin of Steve's thigh as he jerked his hips shamelessly against the bed like he was a teenager. He found himself in possession of his arms again when a moment later, a startlingly loud noise of flesh meeting flesh filled the room, Steve evidently as surprised by Thor spanking him as he was.
"No," Thor repeated, and Tony went still as a second impossibly strong hand came crashing down on his other cheek. He cried out at the third, and pulled himself forward, practically climbing onto Steve as the fourth missed and landed on the lower part of his thigh. Thor grabbed his waist with one hand and yanked him lower on the bed, delivering the fourth properly.
"One for each person," Thor said, and Tony shuddered, his skin where Thor's hand had fallen aching and stinging, bright red palm prints that would be lingering bruises the rest of the week. He wondered how Thor even knew about Clint and Maria, but then Steve had his wrists again and Thor's tongue was right there and any coherent thoughts he had vanished, replaced by the screaming pleasure of nerve endings.
Tony didn't notice the ache in his shoulders from Steve holding his arms until Thor decided he was finished, drawing away just as Tony felt like he could come from Thor's tongue alone. Thor crawled towards the front of the bed, where Steve was still calmly sitting with Tony's wrists, still hard, and knelt beside him. Steve released Tony's wrists to reach for Thor, pulling him close and parting his lips to take as much of Thor's obscenely huge cock into his mouth as he could, sucking him to full attention. Tony briefly considered taking care of himself, but thought better of it, instead giving his attention to Steve's neglected arousal.
Tony gazed up as he leisurely worked up and down Steve's cock, a hot pang hitting him as Steve choked on a moan as Thor fisted his hair and urged him to take more. Steve inhaled through his nose and wrapped a hand around the back of Thor's leg as he struggled to fit it all in his mouth, and Tony let his teeth press lightly against Steve's cock, savoring the strangled noises he made. Thor seemed just as appreciative, fists clenching and unclenching in Steve's hair as he willed himself to pull back, his breathing heavy.
Tony was grateful to have his arms free as Thor moved back towards the end of the bed, palms full of Steve's muscular thighs as he flattened his tongue along the underside of his cock. He thought distantly of sunscreen as he heard a cap being twisted off a bottle - when had Thor found his lube? Or had he brought their own? Thor nudged his legs further apart and slid behind him, and Tony lifted his mouth away from Steve, twisting his neck around. Thor's head was bowed, strands of hair stuck to the sweat on his brow, and Tony twisted back around with a smothered gasp as Thor pressed against him.
"Breathe," Steve whispered, stroking his hair, and Tony thought fleetingly of Obidiah and did the opposite. Thor's cock pushed in and Tony's fingers curled against Steve as he felt himself being stretched open, half formed curses tumbling off his tongue. Speckles of white colored his vision as Thor forced himself balls deep and Tony cried out and twisted between them, convinced he was actually going to be split into two. Thor leaned over his back, his hips twitching almost imperceptibly back and forth and Tony adjusted to the sensation of being so filled he was practically broken.
Then Thor withdrew and slammed forward again and Tony actually screamed. Thor took a firm hold of Tony's hips, pulling back as he thrust forward, starting a rough pace that intensified to brutal. Tony gave up trying to hold himself up, falling against Steve in a writhing, delirious heap, who in turn gave up soothing Tony to jerk himself off in desperate, quick motions.
And yet Tony was still hard, something about being treated so roughly without regard to his own pleasure sending him closer to the edge with every hard, burning thrust into his body. If one of them would just touch him, just once, he'd be spent.
He snaked a hand towards his cock, but Thor grabbed the back of his neck and shoved him down with a growl, and he knew he shouldn't, but he never listened to anyone anyway. Tony squeezed a shaking hand around his cock and pumped once, twice, and came with a sob. Thor's assault shifted to something inhuman as Tony went tense and then limp beneath him, snarling as he drove himself in harder and faster. He buried his cock as deep as it could go and finally stopped, fingers digging into the flesh of Tony's hips as he filled him with come.
"God," Tony said, voice scratchy and low, body still shaking as Thor pulled out of him. The sudden emptiness was almost more painful, somehow, and Tony could finally fully collapse, rolling onto his side. He started to say something about how that might've qualified to be in his top ten orgasms ever, but the words trailed off into an incoherent mumble as Tony struggled to stay awake against a sudden wave of exhaustion. His eyes fluttered closed and open as he watched Thor cover Steve in a remarkably tender embrace, and soon fell asleep to the sound of their kissing.
"Coulson, that is a lovely suit you're wearing today," Tony remarked, leaning against his usual chair because he refused to sit down. He met Thor's stormy gaze across the breakfast table, lips quirked in a smile.
"You were the one who bought it for me," Coulson said.
"Really? Then I take it back, I have lovely taste in suits. Or I pay someone else to, I forget," Tony rambled, glancing at Steve who was back to looking like an innocent boy scout as he looked back and forth from him to Thor. At least Tony knew better than to fall for that now. "You do fill it out well, though."
"Stark, may I have a word? In private?"
"Oh for you, big guy, anything."
And so Thor left the room in exasperation, Tony followed with a smirk, and Steve trailed after them both, concern written all over his face.