Disclaimer: Space Cases is the creation of Bill Mumy and Peter David and Nickoloden Television; it is not mine.
"I Think, I Am, I Think" by karrenia
They see me and yet they do not. It’s hard to explain and not just because I am an android. And I doubt that being an android would lend one to assume that that the reason for their inability to ‘see’ me is due to any lack of sight on their part.
No, to make it clearer, perhaps the reason lies in the fact that for all intents and purposes I am a part of the ship. What it feels, I feel. What it sees, I see. And until these young people and their adult mentors came aboard, well, let us say that neither I nor the ship was any condition to sense much of anything.
I am Thelma, and Independent Human Emulating Android Machine, yes, I know as Harlan Band would no doubt colorfully put it; that is quite a mouthful. Personally I prefer to be called Thelma.
Speaking of Harlan he is the one who stepped, well, truthfully, he tripped over my prone form and cracked my logic crystal but I shall not hold it against him. It was accident, and as Ms. Davenport would expound, at length, the universe is an imperfect place, and accidents are bound to happen.
I think I am beginning to realize that while my programming does allow me space in which to learn, life and grow just as the Christa does; there is a reason why the ship chose this crew, a reason why are traveling together, and the journey is perhaps just as important as the destination.
Home, love, I do not know if I can only emulate humanoid emotion to the degree that organics can, but if our recent experiences when each of us each traded places for a brief while with each of our fellows; It was an experience that I, for one, will never forget. I believe that it is possible, for me to become more than just an android.
My earlier comment that they see and yet do not has changed and I believe that is for the better.
The only time when a certain level of transparency and trust would have come in handy was when my programming prompted me to enter a certain chamber and download reports to the Christa’s and having done so, promptly delete the action from my memory core.
Bova, having stumbled on said chamber, took it very hard. At the time I did not quite know how to respond only that I had no memory of the events to which he had referred to. Which was quite true? If had been humanoid would I have sustained the same level of hurt, loss as a human?
Humanoids having a saying that I feel is quite applicable in this situation: Hindsight gives you perfect clarity of vision when it is far too late to do anything about it. I should add for the record that I am very happy that I was rescued from my dangerous withdrawal from the ship. And that it was Bova and none other who rescued me. The others helped, of course.
I recall several instances in the early stages of our voyage, when the crew was still learning their way around the ship and its systems. In fact they were as yet awkward and uncomfortable around each other, especially Harlan Band and the Andromedan, Radu, but that is a matter for another time.
Commander Goddard would summon to the Command Deck or Engineering, or wherever my services were required, and I would promptly arrive; and no sooner than I had, he would startle and jump and invariably bump his head on a bulk head, shelving, what have you. I think I have a sense of humor, at least I believe I do.
I can see the reflection of my face in the surface of the silver table in the Team Room, and my face can change expression, just like anyone else’s. At this very moment there is a glimmer in my eye that is not coolant, a tightening of the metal around my mouth, that I shall call, for lack of a better word, a smile.
We shall not pursue further analysis, but if you wish I shall phrase it I am functioning at designated parameters. But I prefer to put it this way: I am happy, I am content. Well, you get the idea.