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Light and Darkness

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He could feel it. The thrumming cold beats of power pumping through his body. He felt free. Where there once were emotions and a soul holding him back, there was a vast, empty space of nothingness now – a black hole ready to consume everything good and turn it into dust.

Oh and he enjoyed it.

He drank, he had sex with women and even men, he drank more and he killed. Sometimes all at the same time. He was high with the screams of his clueless victims, which fell for his looks and charms. It was a rush of blood and pure power.

But he felt something calling for him. In the distance – weak but steady. Something familiar, but he couldn’t point his finger on it. So he went looking. The last thing he remembered was a bright light before he lost his conscience.

Devilstrap. He had build enough of them in his time as a hunter to immediately know what happened to him and why he couldn’t move.

He heard noises. People talking, worried. He held his eyes closed so that they wouldn’t know that he was awake.

“Are you sure?” It was Sam – his little brother. He grinned inwardly. So he could talk his way out of the trap. Convince him that he could be saved and when he would free him, he could kill him. It was perfect.

“I’m sure. There isn’t anything in the world which is more important for me than to bring him back.”

That voice belonged to the angel. Castiel. Cas. Something stirred in the depth of the darkness inside him. A strange feeling in his stomach, which made him feel sick.

“Thank you, Cas. Really. I can’t thank you enough.” He heard rustling of clothes and heavy footsteps hastily retreating from the room. A door was closed and Dean knew he was in the bunker’s dungeon.

“You’re awake.”

Dean looked up and nearly choked. He was ready to taunt the angel before him but he wasn’t prepared for the sight he got. Castiel was surrounded by a warm, bright light. A light that reached out for the darkness inside him and try to brighten places where it never should go. Dean felt his darkness recoil under the bright blue eyes which gazed at him so openly. He felt small, ashamed. Feelings he thought he had lost when he was reborn as a demon. Was this the power of an angel? Was this the reason most demons were terrified by them?

Dean looked at the floor. He just couldn’t look him in the eyes. This was torture. He didn’t want to feel anything. He wanted to be free. Free of his guilt, his feelings.

“Dean.” A soft hand touched his bound one.

Dean gasped when he felt the warmth spreading from the touch through his body. It felt like a fire, warming and waking every cold cell from a long winter sleep.

“Go away.” It sounded even weak for his ears.

“Dean, look at me.” The deep voice was commanding and Dean could feel himself looking up without willing it.

Castiel’s hand touched his face and Dean feared the angel was going to kill him. He squirmed under the contact tried to pull away from the soft and warm touch. The memory of another time long lost in his past as a human.

“I will save you, Dean.”

“No, please. Go away.”

“I need you…”

Dean’s head whipped up.

 

I need you.

 

Memories flooded his head.

 

He was kneeling in front of the angel. Blood running from his face and the angel blade shone brightly over his head.

I need you…

A light clang when the blade was dropped to the floor. A warm hand on his cheek and warmth spreading through his body, healing and taking away the fear.

Cas…

 

“Cas…”

“Everything will be fine.”

Dean watched as Castiel took his angel blade and started to cut a symbol in his chest. Blood was tripping from his body – his unbuttoned shirt hung loosely from him. The white color soon was soaked in dark red.

“What are you doing?”

“Close your eyes, Dean.”

“Cas? Tell me what you’re doing?”

“I’m going to save you.”

“How?”

“There is a balance in this universe. An angel’s light for a demon’s darkness. My light will brighten the darkness inside you and your human soul will be reborn.”

“What will happen to you?”

Castiel hesitated before he answered: “I don’t know.”

“You’re a liar.”

Cas grinned a bit: “Look who’s talking.”

“Why are you doing this? You keep on sacrificing yourself for me. I told you once, I wasn’t worth it. I always mess things up.”

Cas looked to the floor: “You saved me. You made me the angel I am today. I learned from you to do the right thing. And to know what is worth dying for.”

“I’m not.” Dean’s voice sounded broken.

“Close your eyes, Dean.”

Dean shook his head: “Please Cas, don’t! You said you need me, well I need you, too. So screw this. Just don’t fucking do this.”

Castiel pressed his hand over Dean’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“No, CAS!!! NOOOOO, please!!!”

A wave of light and heat hit him and the darkness in him shrieked loudly and tried to tear itself away from his body in a heat wave of agony and fear. He felt like he got suffocated, the pressure in his chest got so overwhelming that he screamed. The last thing he remembered was the soft, warm hand pressing on his eyes slipped lifeless from his face before his mind blanked out.

….:::: ::::….

“Dean?” Sam’s voice was full of concern.

He groaned as he opened his eyes only to be greeted by a splitting headache.

“Sammy?” he asked weakly.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me. How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

Only now Dean registered that he was handcuffed to a chair in their dungeon. The memories flooded back to him and he groaned. Frantically he looked around the room: “Where is Cas?”

As on cue the door opened and the familiar frame of his angel walked slowly into the room.

“Cas!! Are you okay?” Relief and happiness filled Dean’s heart so fast that he couldn’t suppress a wide smile on his face.

Castiel nodded to Sam and his brother opened the handcuffs that bound the hunter to the chair.

“I’m fine and I will be. The stolen grace in me is completely gone and it looks like I’m human now.”

“So you’re not an angel anymore?”

Castiel nodded: “I thought if I use the stolen grace and go through this ritual I would die. Instead the ritual cleansed both of us. It saved both of us.”

Dean grinned and rubbed his wrist: “Good things do apparently happen.”

Cas smiled at that and shared a long gaze with Dean until Sam coughed embarrassed.

“How about some pie? I bought you some, thought you need it after this.”

Dean grinned widely at his brother: “Best brother in the world.”

Sam grinned, slapped his brother on the shoulder and left the dungeon. Cas wanted to follow him but Dean held him back.

“I’m sorry, Cas.”

“For what, Dean?”

“That you’re stuck here with us now. For everything really.”

“You mean I can stay?”

Dean looked at him surprised: “Well of course, if you want to…”

“I’m still a hunter in training.”

“And there is still room for improvement.”

They grinned at each other and Dean gave in to his desire and pulled the angel in a tight embrace. He felt Cas putting his arms around him, felt the warmth of his hands through his shirt.

“Thank you.” He reluctantly let his angel go and saw him nodding at him.

“And now I teach you the importance of pie.” Dean grinned and hoped he dodged this chick-flick moment at least a bit before it got really emotional.

After his first bite of apple pie the last bits of emptiness left his body. He looked at his brother and Cas and for the first time in a long time he felt happiness spreading its warm tendrils through his body. And this time he didn’t recoil, but stayed in the light and enjoyed its warmth.