“Pop a squat in this here lap, my brother. Today, I'm going to read you “If You All Up and Give a Squeakbeast a Motherfuckin' Cookie.”
Tavros pulled a blanket around his shoulders and nestled himself quite comfortably on Gamzee's aforementioned lap, pressing the back of his head against the other troll's chest snugly.
“I don't think you've ever told me this one before.” he murmured, wriggling happily in his Pupa Pan patterned, fluffy cocoon. “This story will be a good one, right? I mean, I'm okay if it isn't a good one. I guess I'll just be happy that you're reading to me, Gamzee!”
“It'll be a paper miracle. Don't go all up and fretting your massive horns on your tiny motherfuckin' dome off, little man.”
Gamzee propped open the book to the first page and brought his finger to the word “if” so his dear friend could follow. “If you all up and give a squeakbeast a motherfuckin' cookie,” he read aloud, tracing each letter as he slurred along. “the little motherfucker is going to ask for a glass of milk.”
“When you give that tiny motherfucker the milk, he'll probably ask you to get up on a straw or some silly shit.” Gamzee continued. “When he's all up and finished getting his drink on, he'll ask for a motherfuckin' napkin.”
“We're going to give him the napkin, right?” Tavros asked, pulling his blanket even tighter around him. “I don't really think it would be cool or anything if you just let him get all gross. I'd feel kind of like a tool.”
“Calm your saucy thinkpan, my brother.” Turning the page, Gamzee leaned back farther so Tavros could have more snuggle room. “Then, that whiskery motherfucker will straight up want to look in a mirror to make sure he doesn't have a tiny milkstache.”
“We can't just leave him hanging, Ga-” Tavros was interrupted by his own yawn.
“I'm all up and getting to that part, dawg. Now when this squeakbeast motherfucker looks all into that mirror, he'll notice that his hair needs a trim or some shit. He'll ask for a pair of tiny ass scissors for your claws.” Pausing, Gamzee stared down onto the page with blank eyes- spacing out. Tavros gave him a little nudge to get him reading again. “Thanks. Now, when he's all done trimming that shit up, he'll want a broom to sweep it all up. That crazy motherfucker will start sweeping the entire hive. He might even all up and wash the floors!”
“When he's done, he'll be pretty fuckin' sleepy. You'll have to get that motherfucker a tiny ass box with a blanket and a pillow so he can get his mad sleep on. But he ain't going to sleep yet, my friend.”
Tavros looked up at Gamzee in genuine wonder, waiting for the next page. The faintest hint of drowsiness materialized in his face, taking the form of sleepy creases and bags around his eyes.
“Next, that little motherfucker is going to ask you to read him some story. You read him your book, and this excited brother is wanting to doodle shit up, He'll ask you for some paper and crayons to draw some pretty beatuful shit. So he'll draw a picture, and want a pen to sign his motherfuckin' name.”
“Now he wants to hang that shit all up in your hive so you gotta get him some scotch tape.” Gamzee drawled, patting the top of Tavros's fluffy mohawk lovingly. “And guess what? He'll hang that shit up, realize its insane motherfuckin' beauty and get thirsty again, so he'll ask for another glass of milk.”
Tavros yawned again and stretched his tired, working limbs before huddling back under his blanket.
“What happens next?” he asked, his large eyes drooping heavily.
“Check this shit out. He's going to ask for another motherfuckin' cookie. Can you believe that crazy shit? What a silly motherfucker! The end.”
Before he could finish his last sentence, Tavros was already asleep, nuzzled up tight against the other troll's chest. Gamzee smiled, closed the book, and joined his friend in cuddleland.
They slept soundly, both dreaming of that motherfuckin' squeakbeast and his insane adventures in asking.