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Apartment for Sublet: spacious and romantic garret with hardwood floors and interesting neighbors. Due to particulars of international legalities, a Canadian applicant would be preferred. [RT003]

Hypertensive old cop and opera fan seeking a certain smart, beautiful pathologist. I hope you're doing all right, wherever you are. Miss you, H [HW010]

Suzanne, I was reminiscing about the day you kissed me and then clocked me over the head with the butt of your gun. I know, I know, I just wanted to say I'll never forget you. Best, Ray. [RV004]

For Sale: mixed AKC Siberian Husky/Arctic Wolf-Sled Dog hybrid pups. Sire, police dog. 4 females, 2 males. $300. [JA001]

DOGWALKING! Need a pet-sitter? I'm your guy! Really great references. [WL025]

SWF seeking man for international travel and companionship. You: SWM, tall, dark, handsome, worldly, multilingual, experienced, 30-50, cosmopolitan. Expect full background check. [MT099]

MISSING: one pair RCMP issue riding boots, size 8 1/2M, brown calfskin. Last seen on the roof of a green 1971 Buick Riviera. Please return to the Canadian Consulate at your earliest convenience. Thank you kindly. [BRF001]

SWF seeking sweat lodge steam buddy for legal out of body experience. [LSL041]


1971/72 Buick Riviera, mint-condition, color green needed to replace beloved car destroyed in pursuit of criminals. Serious leads only. [RV009]

Query: Having applied to the National Eagle Repository for eagle feathers, I wonder if any local citizen of Chicago might possess a (legally obtained) eagle feather or two that he or she might be willing to part with? Thank you kindly. [BRF002]

The quality of the sound of music transports me like smoke. Do you have a light for my cigarette? [NS001]

G U N S - A M M O
Arsenals 'R' Us

You OWE Your Freedom to the 2nd Amendment! [CB876]

Wanted—one Canadian shack, and by "shack" I mean cabin, fully winterized, with indoor plumbing and electricity. Northern areas or Yukon preferred, [RK012]

Free to good home: turtle with terrarium and turtle toys. [RK013]

For Sale: upscale bowling alley with bar and arcade convenient to Miami Beach. Convertible to retail space. [RV212]

For Sale: beautiful North Miami bungalow! 2 BR, 2 bath, office. 1600 sq ft, sunshine stucco with aquamarine trim, pro landscaping, pool w/spa. [SKV005]

Single bi female seeking girl of her dreams. You: big brown eyes, smart, sassy, Catholic, slender, beautiful. Me: brown eyes, black hair, athletic, kid-friendly, willing. Let's give it a try? [EB015]

Canada Wants You!

Immigrate Now! [CIC437]

For Sale—gentleman's fashion wardrobe including fifteen fine Armani suits, 500+ silk ties, and various lightweight casual wear. Size large, long lengths. [RV224]

P O L I C E    A C A D E M Y
Now recruiting! Female and African American officers in high demand. Apply now! [CPDPA815]

Now hiring paralegal and receptionist. The Law Office of Stella K. Vecchio. [SKV011]