KiKwang could see it in their eyes. All of the jealousy that they felt, hurt that they had gone through. He could see it in their eyes, though they never knew it. Their distress at having to debut later while he debuted first as a solo artist. Even back then he could see it, and how it was separating him from the others. Though no matter how hard he tried to keep them close, they just kept drifting further and further away.
He thought that things would change with the debut of the group, but it didn't. He had to both sing and act at the same time, unable to stay and rebuild the bond with them. Before he knew it, whenever he was with them, all he felt was exclusion from the group. They already had dynamics with each other and knew where they stood with each other, while KiKwang at times felt like they were strangers to him. At times when he wanted attention or just someone to notice him, he would act cute and loudly yet they still didn't notice him.
Day by day... they didn't notice him and the things that he did for them, the food that he bought especially for them. Never seeing KiKwang but AJ. The boy who debuted before them. Who they had to dance for. The boy who wasn't the best singer or dancer in the group, and yet had been bestowed with that honour. And all they could see, feel was jealousy and a bit of anger.
Day by day, KiKwang had to endure this. The feeling of loneliness though he was constantly surrounded by people. Feelings of suffocation and he wondered to himself, whether being an idol was really worth all of this. He could not do anything about his debuting first and yet he was blamed for it all. Day by day, KiKwang was battered with all these negative emotions and yet he still tried to be a part of them. For what else could he do?