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West Stuck

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“Looks like there’s a new wanted poster up.”

John Egbert was the assistant sheriff of Veiltown, assistant to none other than the infamous Terezi Pyrope. Terezi had become a legend for ridding Veiltown of Jack Noir and his gang of ruffians, as well as the rival group of bandits known as the Felt. And it was rumored she’d had some supernatural help, being blind and all, but it only added to her infamy, and that was the way Terezi liked it. Terezi grinned her typical predatory grin as she and her assistant strolled down the near deserted street.

“Ja-ohn, that poster has been in the station for a week now,” she said, chuckling as her cane tapped against the posts of the buildings they passed.

“Oh, really? I didn’t notice,” John said, grinning happily. One might think this was a bad thing for the sheriff’s assistant to say. One would be wrong.

“How could you not notice? I mean, he’s even pretty cute,” Terezi said. “Way more than that Nic Gage character you like in all your silly novels.”

“Hey, don’t be putting down Con Land! It’s like, the best novel ever!” John said, and Terezi laughed.

“Yeah, sure,” she said, grinning. John smiled anyway, then looked up in thought.

“So… are we actually gonna catch this guy? What did he do?” he asked. Terezi continued to grin as she shrugged.

“I didn’t taste a reason on the poster. And the guy’s new in town, so I don’t know much about him,” she said.

“So you think it’s just another one of Mayor Eridan’s failed love attempts?” John asked, having a bit of a hard time keeping up with Terezi. For a blind girl, she was fast.

“Well, since he’s a troll and cute, I’m gonna go with a yesss,” Terezi said, grinning at a few shady characters as they passed by. The men quickly dispersed, hightailing it in different directions until they were out of Terezi’s senses.

“You keep talking about how cute this guy is,” John said as the pair turned into a lively saloon. It was owned by the pair’s close friends, and they would often stop there for the free drinks it offered and general good atmosphere. “Are you, what’s it called? Flushing for him or something?”

“Psh, like I would start flushing for some fake outlaw,” Terezi said as John took a seat at the bar, waving to one of the owners, Rose, who smiled back and indicated she would be with him in a moment.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot, you’re only into real outlaws; like the one chatting up my sister by the piano,” John said, smiling.

“What?” Terezi said, frowning as she looked over her shoulder where her outlaw lover, Dave Strider, was indeed chatting up Egbert’s half sister, Jade Harley. “Gog damn that Strider.”

John laughed as he turned away, and something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head, then fully turned in his seat as he saw the guy on the wanted posters.

He was a troll that looked about Egbert’s age, and he sat hunched over his drink. He seemed to be fuming over something, and was a bit lost in his own little world. But I gave John time to really look him over. He was a bit lean, but in a good way, with bright, intelligent (if brooding) eyes and the black clothes he wore seemed to suit him. And, John had to admit, he was pretty cute.

It was at that moment that the alleged outlaw seemed to feel John’s gaze and looked over. They made eye contact, and John smirked a bit. Pretty cute wasn’t as accurate as he thought; the kid was damn adorable, at least in John’s opinion. The way those eye looked, guarded and angry, just made John want to get closer to the troll.

“Heheh,” Terezi laughed over his shoulder, and John turned back to see her predatory grin back in place. “Now who’s flushing for the fakey fake outlaw?”

“No way! I was just… taking his measure, that’s all,” John said, smiling a bit nervously. Terezi chuckled again, retrieving her cane from where she’d leaned it against the bar.

“Sure, sure,” she said. “Just go talk to your little crush while I save your sister from a ruffian.”

“Okay, I’ll do that,” John said, but not before watching Terezi stroll over and casually smack Dave between the legs with her cane, grinning as she apologized and Jade looked concerned and surprised. Then he turned to look at the “outlaw” again. He thought about what Terezi had said, then grinned. If he was flushing, then maybe he was flushing. He already knew Rose and Kanaya, the two female owners of the club, were in a loving relationship, so he guessed it didn’t really matter for two guys, either; he had just thought he was of those men that flushed for girls, was all. But enough thinking, it was time for action.

“What, staring not enough for you now, fuckass? Gotta ruin my drink with your gog damn mouth, too?” the outlaw asked as John shifted a seat over to talk to him. John was taken aback a moment, but then smiled happily.

“I’m John, John Egbert, sheriff’s assistant,” he said, holding out his hand. The outlaw flinched a minute, then snorted and took a swig of his drink.

“And what stupid fuck hired a stupid fuck like you?” he asked, clearly of the belief that John did not know he was on the wanted posters around town. John just smiled, waiting. “What? I’m not going shake your damn hand, fuckass, so you can just piss off.”

“Well, could you tell me your name? I mean, the posters only have a picture and all…” the outlaw choked on his drink at the mention of the wanted poster, then glared at John sidelong.

“Are you fucking serious? Do you just fucking chat up every sorry fucker that gets on the shitacular wanted poster, or are you just a fucking retard?” he asked. John laughed. It seemed to catch the outlaw off guard, and the troll just stared a minute.

“You’re funny,” John said. The outlaw’s face colored a bit, and John was surprised to see his blush was red. He didn’t know trolls had red blood; he would have to ask Terezi about it later. Right now, the outlaw seemed to be getting more angry with him.

“So what? You’re just some stupid fuck they picked off the gog damn streets, aren’t you? Just some dumbshit stupid mother fucker walking down the gog damn street before they asked if you wanted to be the gog damn fucking sheriff’s assistant, and then you took the fucking job cause you thought you would be some fucking hero, right? Of course I’m fucking right, there’s no other- FUCKING HELL!” the outlaw said the last bit as he was smacked upside the head with Terezi’s cane. The sheriff had returned with her usual grin, Strider still sore right behind her.

“Heheh, hey fakey fake outlaw, that’s my assistant you’re talking to,” she said, and John smiled at her as the outlaw rubbed his head.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?” the outlaw yelled, and flinched as Terezi swung the cane in his face again, though she was still grinning.

“She’s the sheriff, numbnuts, and you best be buying whatever she’s selling, cause if you don’t she’ll open some blind-ass cane whipping on your hairy ass,” Strider said.

“Can it, Strider, I’m not done with you yet,” Terezi said, not moving a muscle. “I’m the sheriff, Terezi Pyrope, and if I think there’s any justice to be had by locking your ass in jail, I will; so I suggest treating my assistant with respect.”

“Wha- YOU’RE TEREZI PYROPE? You gotta be shitting me…” the outlaw said. Then Terezi smacked him upside the head with her cane again. “OW, FUCK!”

“It’s the stone cold truth, son; and you best start believing it before it get shoved down your-“ but Dave was cut off as Terezi pulled him down to land a kiss right on his lips. Then she pushed him back.

“I told you to can it, Strider. Now it’ll cost you; go wait for me upstairs,” she said, grinning maniacally. Strider snorted, regaining his composure and poker face in a matter of milliseconds before turning and striding off towards the stairs in the back; Terezi, John and Jade all lived upstairs with Rose and Kanaya in separate apartments, and Dave was often found in Terezi’s room, although he lived outside of town.

“What? You’re going to leave me on duty alone?” John asked, smiling despite his words. Terezi grinned back.

“I thought you might appreciate it,” she said, a suggestive undertone making John laugh a bit and the outlaw glare. “Just come get me if this sad sack gives you too much trouble, eh?”

“Will do,” John said, and waved as Terezi followed after Strider’s path, hitting anyone in her way (although she knew they were there, she just found hitting them fun).

“Karkat Vantas,” the outlaw said.

“What?” John asked, returning to the conversation.

“My name, fuckass,” the troll said. “It’s Karkat Vantas.”

“Nice to meet you, Karkat,” John said, grinning. Karkat sighed irritably. Then Rose appeared, with two more drinks, setting one before each man.

“Hey John, how’s the ruffian round up coming along?” Rose asked, John smiled, taking a swig of his drink before answering.

“Not that many ruffians to be rounded up tonight, I’m afraid,” he said, and Rose laughed a little, leaning on the bar.

“What about this shady character? He has the air of a proper ruffian to me,” Rose said. Karkat glared, seeming to try and ignore them as John laughed.

“How can you be a proper ruffian?” he asked, and Rose looked very serious.

“If you wear a monocle and drink tea while robbing people,” she said, and John started laughing again. Rose smiled a little and Karkat made a strangled noise.

“Jegus that is so fucktarded!” he snarled.

“Kind of like your stumpy little horns,” Rose countered, leaning up again. John laughed a little.

“I think they’re cute,” John said, smiling at Karkat. The troll gaped a minute, then seemed to angrily blush as he buried himself in his next drink. Rose rolled her eyes.

“Geez, Egbert, why don’t you just take him up to your room now and save all the obvious foreplay?’ Rose said, making Karkat choke on his drink again.

“Aw, but I’m not going to take someone I don’t know to my room,” John said, pouting a little. Karkat was still recovering from the choking and didn’t get to respond before Rose.

“Well, Sollux brought the guy in, so he’s probably okay,” Rose said, then someone started making a ruckus at the other end of the bar and she left. Sollux was the saloon’s piano player, another upstairs resident that John was friends with. In fact, John was friends with nearly everybody, so it wasn’t actually a surprise. John smiled, returning his attention to Karkat.

“Oh, so you know Sollux?” he asked. Karkat glared, looking like he just wanted Egbert to go away and leave him in peace.

“Yeah, he and I grew up together,” Karkat said, glaring. “Now are we done with these fucktarded questions?”

“Not really,” John said, but before he could say more he was suddenly pulled to his feet.

“Come dance, Egburrrt; the music is purrrfect!” Neputa said, twirling John on to the dance florr. John laughed and joined her, moving around and dancing until he got out of breath and let her return to dancing around Equis as he took a breather.

“I thaw you talking to Karkat,” Sollux said. John jumped, he hadn’t realized he was resting against the piano. John grinned, straitening a bit.

“Yeah, he’s pretty funny,” John said, face still flushed from dancing. At least, he assumed it was from dancing. Sollux nodded his head a little, smiling.

“You would thay that,” he said. “Lithten, I’ll going to tell you a thecrete.”

“Yeah?” John said, leaning in closer.

“When you were danthing with Neputa, Karkat couldn’t keep hith eyeth off you,” Sollux said. “I’ve known Karkat thinth we were kidth; he won’t make the firtht move… or the latht one, for that matter. Jutht make him follow your lead.”

“Am I really that obvious?” John asked, though he was smiling ear to ear.

“Hoplethly tho,” Sollux said, grinning as he reached a rather bouncy bit of the song he was playing. John grinned, then tipped his hat to Sollux before returning to his seat beside Karkat.

“Oh fucking great, you just don’t give the fuck up, do you?” the troll said, glaring outright. John grinned.

“Nope,” he said, and Karkat blushed again, though he tried to hide it by turning away. And John, being the affable and somewhat clueless person he was, suddenly wrapped an arm around Karkat’s shoulders and leaned in next to his ear. “You’re cute when you blush.”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Egbert?” Karkat said, glaring but not quite pulling away.

“Hey! You remembered my name!” John said, smiling as he gave Karkat’s shoulders an affectionate squeeze.

“What the fuck! Will you answer my gog damn question?” Karkat said, and now he was pulling away, though John could still hold him in place pretty well.

“I like you,” John said, and Karkat stopped struggling.

“You don’t fucking know me,” Karkat said.

“But I want to,” John said, his breath still brushing against the trolls sensitive ear. John felt Karkat shiver, and managed to slide just a bit closer without falling off his seat.

“We’re in the middle of a fucking saloon, Egbert; try to fucking act like you give a fuck,” Karkat said, trying to pull away again.

“Well, I have a room upstairs,” he said, looking towards the stairs. Karkat sighed in frustration.

“That wasn’t what I fucking- oh gog damn it FINE! FUCKING FINE!” the troll said. John blinked in surprise.

“Really?” he asked, making Karkat glare.

“Yeah, fucking really; now are we fucking going to your shitty room or what?” he said. John didn’t need told a third time, and was up dragging Karkat halfway across the room before the troll had finished speaking.

They made it up the stairs and into the apartment John shared with Jade without incident. The music wasn’t half as loud here, and Karkat looked around apprehensively as John pulled him through to his room.

“You live with someone?” Karkat asked, spying the door to the other room.

“Uh huh, my sister,” he said. Before Karkat could make a response, John pulled him forward by the hand, making the troll almost fall. But Karkat caught his balance as John kissed him full on the mouth, one hand cupping Karkat’s cheek. Karkat made a surprised squeak at first, but then his eyes slid closed and he pushed his lips back against John’s. After a few moments they pulled away.

“Fuck you meant that shit, didn’t you?” Karkat said, blushing as he tried to steady his panting. In response John smiled and pushed Karkat on to the bed, easily climbing on top of the troll. “What do you think you’re – OH FUCK!”

John used one hand to cup the side of Karkat’s face as he licked one of his horns. The troll reacted by gripping John’s arms, above the elbow, whimpering as John continued to lick and kiss the nubby horn. The troll started to writhe a bit beneath John, and the human slowly let his unused hand travel down Karkat’s side. But once John’s hand reached Karkat’s hip, the sheriff’s assistant found himself flipped beneath the troll, his hat flopping to the ground.

“Let me make this clear; this is NO FUCKING WAY I’m going to get fucked by some fuckass nooksucker I barely know, got it?” Karkat said. John laughed, pushing up to kiss Karkat, making the troll flinch in surprise.

“Whatever you want, Karkat,” John said as he lay back. Karkat blushed, staring down at him a minute, then sighed and grumbled something before he leaned down and kissed John; it was soft and almost savory, and John returned the kiss with enthusiasm. And when Karkat ran his tongue across John’s lips, the human was more than happy to oblige him, letting Karkat set the pace. After some minutes of tongue wrestling, Karkat pulled back. He looked down at John a couple minutes, then lay down against his side, lips almost touching John’s neck.

“I’m fucking worn out,” he said, and it showed in his voice. John wondered how long the troll’s day had been, and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Okay,” the human said, smiling up at his ceiling. Karkat was already asleep, of course, and John was aware of this, he just felt it pertinent to acknowledge that Karkat had said something. After a while, John felt himself drifting off, just laying there, quiet enough to hear the music playing faintly in the background. John found himself tuning into Karkat’s breathing; he let the slow, steady rhythm lull him to sleep, still grinning like a fool.