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From the Desk of N. Fury

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Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Just a polite reminder, sir, that the SHIELD incident reports need to be updated and are currently more than 6 months overdue. Also, employee evaluations are due at the end of the quarter, which is also the end of the 2013 fiscal year.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: This is a not-so-polite reminder that I'm busy saving the fucking world so I'll get to it in my own time and since when do we have employee reviews anyway? And why is it my problem?

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Most evaluations are done by division supervisors in coordination with HR, but the Records Division also needs evaluations for the division heads as well as employees who report directly to you. At the risk of bringing up a sore subject, in the past this was handled by Agent Coulson, who also responded to most internal memos, which is why we are dealing directly with you now. The necessary form is attached.
[Attachment: Form 300A]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: BUSY.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Sir, it's been two weeks and this is a gentle reminder that we really need those forms by the end of the quarter. Which is 3 days away, fyi. Employees for whom we are still missing evaluation forms include N. Romanova, M. Hill, C. Barton and S. Rogers.
[Attachment: Form 300A]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: Are you seriously telling me that CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA needs an employee evaluation. Are you shitting me.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Once again, evaluations are due by the 31st.
[Attachment: Form 300A]

Annual Employee Evaluation - Form 300A
Name: Steven G. Rogers
Codename: Captain fucking america
Supervisor: Nicholas J. motherfucking Fury
Division: Avengers Initiative
Rank: Captain fucking america
Clearance Level: 8
Performance
General Conduct of Duties: 10
Dependability: 10
Teamwork: 6
Leadership: 9
Prospect of Career Advancement: Advancement to WHAT? What in the name of Jesus's left ass cheek do you expect me to promote Captain America to, Captain fucking PLANET?
Employee strengths: He's captain motherfucking america.
Areas for improvement: Could stand to be less of a mouthy little shit.
Employee improvement action plan: ?????
Notes: fuck ME, these forms are a waste of time and you better believe I am bringing this up at the next division head meeting.

Internal Records Division Memo
To: Royce, Kathryn - Subhead Records Division A
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: K - see attached form. May require a bit more than just running subroutine fury-alpha (profanity removal) before filing. Please revise according to your discretion. Thx.
[Attachment - Form 300A-Rogers]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: I have not yet received evaluations for N. Romanova, C. Barton, or for the division heads. Evaluations are due by the 31st.
[Attachment: Form 300A]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: I fucking well know what I'm writing on YOURS.

Annual Employee Evaluation - Form 300A
Name: Natalia Alianovna Romanova
Codename: Black Widow
Supervisor: Nicholas J. Fury
Division: Field Operations, Avengers Initiative
Rank: what
Clearance Level: 8
Performance
General Conduct of Duties: 10
Teamwork: not
Leadership: fucking
Prospect of Career Advancement: applicable
Employee strengths: do I really need to put anything here
Areas for improvement: ffffffffffff
Employee improvement action plan: fuck this
Notes: fuck this too

Internal Records Division Memo
To: Royce, Kathryn - Subhead Records Division A
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: K- you really have your work cut out with this one. Sorry.
[Attachment: Form 300A-Romanova]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Experience tells me I'll regret asking this, but reviewing the references to the Avengers Initiative on the forms you've returned, I'm not actually clear on whether the Avengers NOT directly employed by SHIELD are considered employees or not for administrative purposes. If so, I'm going to need evaluations on file for the rest of them.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: MOTHER FFFFFFFF

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: Christ on a pogo stick, you want me to do an evaluation for Tony Stark? Are you people fucking HIGH down there?

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: actually I take that back. I'll be happy to do one for Stark. It's a freebie cause I'm nice like that.

Annual Employee Evaluation - Form 300A
Name: Anthony Stark
Codename: enormous iron-plated pain in my ass
Supervisor: Pepper Potts, probably
Division: Avengers Initiative
Rank: human disaster
Clearance Level: n/a
Performance
General Conduct of Duties: 1
Teamwork: -1,000,000
Leadership: 3 (yes, I'll give him that)
Prospect of Career Advancement: hahahahahahahahaha
Employee strengths: none
Areas for improvement: his whole goddamn life
Employee improvement action plan: not fucking likely
Notes: :)

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Upon reflection, Records does not need evaluation forms for any employees who don't collect a SHIELD paycheck.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: Good to see we're on the same page. :)

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: However, we DO still need forms for C. Barton and M. Hill, as well as division heads and anyone with clearance level 9 or above. By the 31st. That's tomorrow, fyi.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

Annual Employee Evaluation - Form 300A
Name: Clint Barton
Codename: Hawkeye
Supervisor: Nicholas Fury
Division: Field Operations, Avengers Initiative
Rank: n/a
Clearance Level: 8
Performance
General Conduct of Duties: 10
Teamwork: 7
Leadership: ?
Prospect of Career Advancement: who makes these questions up
Employee strengths: damn good agent but don't tell him I said so
Areas for improvement: weapons training in something that was state of the art more recently than 1000 BC
Employee improvement action plan: see above
Notes: WHOEVER DESIGNED THIS FORM IS FIRED

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: Here's Barton's fucking waste of time form. You can do Hill's. Just give her all 10s. Maybe 15 on the leadership one.
[Attachment: Form 300A-ClintBartonHawkeye]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: The scale only goes up to 10.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: DID I FUCKING STUTTER

Internal Records Division Memo
To: Royce, Kathryn - Subhead Records Division A
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: K- barton's & hill's forms are attached. These ones don't need too much massaging. Hill's can be put in as-is. Also, you remember when I got bumped up to division head and how I was all excited about it? Ha. Ha. Ha. /bitterlaugh
GOD KATHRYN, I NEED A DRINK SO BAD.
[Attachments: Form 300A-Barton, Form 300A-Hill]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Division head evaluations need to be turned in today. And while I am aware that incident reports will be turned in when you have time and world-saving takes priority, the one report we REALLY need to file by the end of the fiscal year is the field report on the Battle of New York. All the other agent reports have been turned in. It's yours we still need.
[Attachments: Form 300A, Form 4500C19-Field Report Short Form]

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: What, explaining myself to the WSC and two, count em two Congressional committees wasn't enough?!

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: No.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: That was unprofessional. I apologize. Look, if it helps, it's for posterity. Future SHIELD agents are going to study those reports, and not only that, but it'll probably all be declassified one day, and the whole world will read it. This is your chance to tell your side of the story for future generations of historians. Do you really want the World Security Council and Congress to be the only ones who control what goes into the history books? I'm not just doing this because I like to torment you.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Records
From: N. Fury
Body: I could almost believe that last memo was from an actual person rather than some kind of AI. You drinking down there, Zhao?

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Yes. Yes, I have a bottle of 20-year-old scotch and I am drinking it, because it's 11:45 p.m. and THEORETICALLY I can get all of this in by midnight but hahahaha, no, THAT'S not happening since, believe it or not, out of 14 division heads plus you, you are actually the one who came the closest to turning in everything I needed in enough time for me to actually do all the data-entry-filing-etc to make the deadline. SO YES I AM DRINKING, SIR. I HAVE DRUNK A LOT AND I AM GOING TO DRINK MORE. DO YOU WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: A. Zhao
From: N. Fury
Body:
Point 1- calm down.
Point 2- it's an arbitrary deadline, Zhao, and you fucking know it. Who's gonna care? The WSC? They don't give a shit about anything we do unless something is blowing up in a major city or otherwise likely to embarrass them in front of their taxpayers. I hope it's abundantly clear by now that I sure as hell don't give a fuck if some paperwork gets filed on time or not, provided it's not vital to some overseas agent getting their backup in time. Hill might care, but I pay her to care about things like that so no one else has to.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: A. Zhao
From: N. Fury
Body: It's midnight. Still here?

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Still fucking here, sir, and very likely to be here all night, or until I get too drunk to type.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: wanna make something of it

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: A. Zhao
From: N. Fury
Body: I was gonna ask if you had two glasses for that Scotch. There is no fucking way I can write a report on the Chitauri invasion sober. You're down in Records, right?

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Actually I am in the 15th floor meeting room, because I needed room to spread a year's worth of paperwork around and it also has the most comfortable chairs.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: And yes, I think I can find another glass.

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: Fury, Nicholas J. - Director
From: Zhao, Amber - Head of Records
Body: Actually it's more of a coffee mug that says "I <3 Arrows"

Internal SHIELD Memo
To: A. Zhao
From: N. Fury
Body: That mug better be full by the time I get there, and I'm not talking coffee.

Annual Employee Evaluation - Form 300A
Name: Amber C. Zhao
Codename: n/a
Supervisor: Maria Hill
Division: Records
Rank: Division Head
Clearance Level: 8
Performance
General Conduct of Duties: 9
Teamwork: 7
Leadership: 8
Prospect of Career Advancement: 10
Employee strengths: Conscientious, attentive to detail
Areas for improvement: Unbend a bit, remove stick from ass
Employee improvement action plan: Stick removal prospects seem good
Notes: See Hill about possible upgrade to Level 9 clearance. Next year bring 2 bottles.