"She came from… where?"
"Don't look at me like that. I'm not crazy."
"Kal." Bruce kept looking at him like that. "You don't just find people in space."
Well." Kal crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe you don't. But I just did."
Bruce glowered at him, which frankly, Kal thought was completely unfair. It wasn't as if he'd found her on purpose.
"Cheeeek-en," they heard wafting from the kitchen, Alfred's flustered voice murmuring underneath.
"Is Alfred all right?" Bruce asked, shooting a worried glance that way.
"I think she just… kissed him. To thank him for the chicken."
Bruce's palm made an audible slap against his forehead. "Oh, God."
"She says she's just visiting."
"She can visit somewhere else. We're bringing her to the authorities tomorrow."
Kal arched a brow. "'We'?"
Bruce smoothed the blanket over his chest, making a visible effort not to snap. "I'll bring her, then."
"She's not even human, Bruce. I don't think they're going to know what to do with her."
"And you do?"
"I'll figure something out."
"Fine. As long as she's not staying here."
They both rolled over, facing opposite sides of the bed, and simultaneously rolled their eyes.
Kal awoke to a hand snaking down his chest. He smiled, glad that Bruce had come to his senses—he'd expected at least two more fights before Bruce would let Leeloo stay.
But now that he was coming fully awake, he noticed that there wasn't just one other breathing pattern or heartbeat in the bed: there were two of each.
"Kal?" Bruce said, inquiry slicing the air.
"Give me one good reason that I shouldn't kill her."
"Keel?" She repeated in her strangely over-accentuated voice, shifting from Kal's side of the bed over to Bruce. "Why?"
He reached over and pulled Leeloo back before she did anything rash like—
—like she was doing right now, licking a stripe up Bruce's neck.
Damn, but she was fast. Kal suspected it was only Bruce's many decades of training that kept him from doing her bodily harm, but the look on his face did not bode well.
"Taste grouchy," she complained as she leaned back, wrinkling her nose.
"Believe it or not," Bruce said, his jaw clenched so tight it was a wonder sound was getting past, "it's none of your business how I taste."
"I think it's time for you to go back to bed," Kal said, putting his hands on her shoulders and trying to gently draw her out of the bed, but she was having none of it. She flashed him a mischievous grin and her hand started working its way down his thigh in a most distracting fashion; he was surprised how much strength he had to use to restrain her.
Then again, as he'd pointed out, she wasn't human. He couldn't help wondering what other talents she might have up her alien-genetics sleeve.
"Get her out of here, or I will," Bruce threatened, a storm brewing in his voice.
"Grouchy," she said, shaking her head so that her orange locks swung from side to side. "Time for cheering up."
"C'mon," Kal said, trying to grab hold of her shockingly quick hands, but she eluded his grip and crawled closer to Bruce again.
"I know boys like you," she said, her voice dropping down low. Her demeanor had changed completely, from child-like to frighteningly mature, all in the span of a split-second. Kal blinked because it was the first time he'd heard her use a complete a sentence; he averted his gaze because the tiny purple shorts she was wearing seemed to reveal more than they hid. "I know what to do with you."
"Is that so?" Bruce's tone leaked sarcasm. When he crossed his arms over his chest, Kal knew that he was rattled by her, as well.
"Yes." And now her voice wasn't even playful, except perhaps in that "I'm about to strip off all your clothes and make you eat them and you'll like it" way.
"Why don't we just—"
But Kal's conciliatory offer (well, it would have been an offer; he'd been sure if he started talking something would have come out) was cut off when, in between eyeblinks, Leeloo had gone from being on all fours to pinning Bruce against the mattress.
Bruce strained against her grip; she looked as casual as she had earlier today when she was doing somersaults up the mansion walls.
"I knew it was all just an act," Bruce muttered darkly, and Kal wrung his fingers together; he knew Bruce wouldn't want him to intervene now, but all of his protective urges were rapidly rising to the surface and now it was his turn to hold himself back. "Pretending you're simple, trying to get us—" he shot Kal a meaningful look, "to trust you."
Leeloo's giggle was incongruously light and free. "No act. Korben says it's fun. I like. I think you like fun, too."
"Leeloo, I don't know if this is such a good idea." Kal started, still hoping that his mouth would miraculously formulate a solution to the present dilemma—not that he could exactly pinpoint what the dilemma was, because his body was definitely responding to the sight of Bruce pinned to the bed, and the low, purring undercurrent in Leeloo's voice.
Turning her head his way, she flashed a split-second blinding grin before leaning in and kissing him. Pulling back, her green-blue eyes seemed to look right through him. "Merenani makta chuli, miitu trugitsit handala. Dopamendi vakta senda nela dindo skala, te?"
He had no idea what she'd just said, but her deliciously curling vowels and the lingering warmth of her lips on his inclined him to agree.
"Mdhaikhes khap wuh rrup, zha?" She amended in interestingly-accented broken Kryptonian, leaning in again (he'd ask her where she picked that up later—probably best to do when their tongues were back in their respective mouths). His hand rose of its own accord, coming to rest in the soft curve of her back.
"Nevekda, nevekda," she encouraged, arching under his hand. Her language was ancient, liquid, and the way she spoke it, lilting and deep and sinuous: beautiful.
"Kal," came a voice from far away. "I don't know what the hell you think you're doing," Bruce said with an iciness that could freeze blood in veins.
Leeloo, using one arm to keep Bruce's wrists pinned above his head, drew the very flustered Kal closer with the other arm while she brought herself nearly nose-to-nose with Bruce.
"Time for you to have fun, Bruce."
She kissed him before he could protest again, long and hard. Kal watched in mute shock, still enthralled at the sight of Bruce so effectively pinned. They'd been lovers for over a year now and he hadn't even dared to think of doing something like that to Bruce, much less trying it. And if he knew anything about Bruce's physiological reactions by now, he would bet his life on the fact that Bruce's body, at the very least, was enjoying this.
All the physical signs were pointing to raised adrenaline and serotonin. Which, like Leeloo, was confusing in a unique sense in that, if you squinted the right way, it actually made sense.
"Control for me now," she said, gyrating her hips down. "You have too much. Time to share." She smiled, sliding Bruce's shirt up his torso, slowly revealing his skin and letting her fingers play over it. "You like it. I told you I know boys like you."
"What if I don't?" Bruce said, but his eyelids were fluttering in response to her bold moves, and Kal didn't need his enhanced sight to see the way that all his muscles were drawing bowstring tight.
"Then I leave, go and find fun somewhere else."
What happened next wasn't exactly clear, probably because all of Kal's attention was focused on Bruce's rapt face. One second, he was curling a hand around Leeloo's waist, watching Bruce run his tongue between the seam in his lips, and the next, they'd all been turned about in a blur of motion. When the dust settled, Leeloo was sitting between them, in Kal's lap and straddling Bruce's front. She now had his arms pinned behind his back.
"Time for the pretty boys to kiss," she purred, one of her feet slinking up to the middle of Kal's back and propelling him forward.
Looking into Bruce's eyes, he didn't see what he expected. Not suppressed anger but… amusement? A little nervousness?
"We can stop this any time," Kal whispered, but even as he said it, he was staring at the flick of Bruce's tongue, reaching out to caress his flushed cheeks.
The corners of Bruce's mouth quirked—not a smile, or approval, but close.
"But I thought we were having fun," he said, deep and rumbling, pitched at just the octave that shivered down Kal's spine.
They kissed over her shoulder.
Leeloo smiled triumphantly. "Now we are."