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The Demned Pimpernel

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Being an account of the most unbelievable mission conducted by the Scarlet Pimpernel, in defence of a fellow Englishman in Paris, during the winter of 1793.

Being also a narrative of certain celestial events of a decidedly unholy nature, with particular ramifications for two supernatural entities stationed upon the Earth, precisely 224 and 1/2 years before Armageddon.




Gabriel (An Archangel, with a Capital F)

Michael (An Archangel, Lord of the Backchannels)

Sandalphon (Likewise An Archangel, Fond of Smiting)

Uriel (An Archangel, Likewise Fond of Smiting)

Aziraphale (An Angel, Principality, Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden, Part-Time Rare Book Dealer and Crepe Enthusiast)

Beelzebub (A Fallen Angel and Prince of Hell, Lord of the Flies)

Dagon (A Fallen Angel and Lord of the Files)

Hastur (A Likewise Fallen Angel and Duke of Hell, Professional Lurker)

Ligur (A Fallen Angel and Duke of Hell, Likewise a Professional Lurker)

Crowley (An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards, The Serpent of Eden, Not-Even-a-Local-Councillor of Hell)



DEATH (Death)

War (War)

Famine (Famine)

Pestilence (Pestilence)



The Scarlet Pimpernel (Thoroughly Ineffable English Vigilante, Rescuer of Condemned Aristocrats)

Citizen Chauvelin (Agent of the Committee of Public Safety and Nemesis of the Scarlet Pimpernel)

Citizen Jean-Claude (The Best Executioner in Paris)

Sir Percy Blakeney, Baronet (The Richest Man and Biggest Fop in London)

Marguerite Blakeney (nee. St Just) (Actress, Cleverest Woman in Europe, Wife of the Biggest Fop in London)

Armand St Just (Brother of Marguerite, former French Republican, Member of the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel)

Sir Andrew Ffoulkes (English Dandy, Member of the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel)

Sir Antony Dewhurst (English Dandy, Likewise Member of the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel)

Lord Hastings (English Dandy, Member of the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel)

The Prince of Wales (Heir to the Throne, English Dandy yet not a Member of the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel)


Full Chorus of French Aristos, English Fops, Soldiers of the Republic, Sans-Culottes, Tricosetteuses and other denizens of the Reign of Terror.



Madame la Guillotine (A clever and very efficient head-cutting machine)