Une

by Eiliem

Summary:

Deluded sailors, itty-bitty barely-there bikinis, and dine-and-dashes. A day in the life of Luffy's sister.

Notes:

Thanks to Naye for the inspiration for this cracky ficlet, and for the following explanation about the names Roger chose for his unborn child.

"Both names he picked had the meaning of "number one". If it was a boy, then - Ace. We all know how that's related to "one".

But if it was a girl? アン Or, in romaji, "an". Most translators took this and ran with it, making it "Ann", or even "Anne".

It's not. It's not the name "Anne", at all. It's the number "one", in French. Which, in Japanese, is written and pronounced "an". Yeah, I know it's un in French (and I know it's masculine, which weirds me out - linguistically, it should've been une... but I have no idea how that'd be transcribed in Japanese). But in Japanese? "An".

So - his child would be either ゴール・D・エース (gooru D eesu, Gol D Ace) or ゴール・D・アン (gooru D an, Gol D Un)."

Now, as a francophone, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally unable to name a girl the masculine "Un", and have, for the sake of my linguistic sanity, transformed this to the feminine version: "Une". Or, since this is Ace's parallel universe "sister": Unne.

Now this is what shore leave is about: booze, good food, and a pretty young thing walking by in a bar. Wearing shorts and a bikini top. A barely-there strappy bikini top.

This is the life

"Hello gorgeous."

"Hmmm? Oh, hi!" Bikini-top smiles brightly and leans against the counter where you're sitting.

You're too busy ogling her soft parts – and okay, she's not super well-endowed, but damn, that bikini top &hearts – to notice that she's got muscles a body-builder would kill for. And her legs are fabulous, which is why you fail to register the significance of the knife in the belt of shorts you wish were shorter, or the way she carries herself with the balance of a trained fighter. Your alcohol and hormone-addled brain knows only one thing: she is sex on legs, and you don't want her to walk away.

The hat hanging down her back is a mistake, though: the bright orange is too loud for her. And the ornamental skull linking the hat's straps together definitely does not suit her. You hope the hat doesn't belong to her boyfriend.

She laughs when you voice a query to that end.

"Ahaha, no. No boyfriend." She grins at you, and you realize you have a freckles fetish.

Encouraged, you start flirting with her in earnest, casting an eye around to see if any of your crewmates are here to witness your great luck. She's beautiful, attentive, and doesn't laugh at you when you casually mention how you single-handledly defeated a Sea King last Wednesday (a bare-faced lie, but what's a sweet, lonely, land-bound girl going to know?)

Eventually you suppose that the hat is kind of sexy, in a weird, discordant sort of way.

But just as you work up the courage to invite her to sit and have a drink, she pushes away from the counter, shoves the hat onto her head and waves you goodbye.

"It's been nice talking to you! Have a good evening." And walks off without a second glance.

Disappointed, you turn to back to your meal, only to find that your food has disappeared. Behind you, the barkeep starts shouting:

"Stop that girl! She hasn't paid for her meal!"

Notes:

So Naye wondered what Luffy's older sibling would have been like, if Roger and Rouge had had a daughter instead of Ace. She concluded that Une would be just like Ace. Obviously I needed to explore this in fic. Because I am insane.

A further note to people unfamiliar with this funny and cracky 'verse: those of us writing Une have taken to understanding her not as Ace genderbent, but as her own character - his sister, of sorts, in a parallel universe where Roger and Rouge had a daughter, not a son. As such she is very much like him, but not identical.

...which is semantics, I know, but if you encounter other Une!fic it might help you understand why we write her the way we do.