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Hatred/A little death

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Sehun had never been the one to envy others. He never actually envied anyone. Not because he thought he had it all, but because he had always been satisfied with what he had. So, even if it should have been a surprise for him to feel jealous because of someone else, it wasn't.

 

He didn't question himself when he started hating Luhan, that eye-catching bundle of joy everyone seemed to be so fond of – yes, eye-catching. The kid was pretty, with his small frame and sparkling eyes, but Sehun didn't really bother thinking of him. He had known the kid for about five years and he was still able to get under his skin like no other and not in a good way.

 

Why had Luhan invaded his thoughts again? It was unnecessary to think of useless things – that was exactly what that kid was, a useless piece of stupidity.

 

A stupid baby-faced idiot.

 

It seemed to be quite hard to pull Sehun out of his reflective reverie once he started because his friends had been trying to get his attention for a while and he hadn't noticed. Philosophy class was over, and he had been sitting in the classroom like a fool, for only God knows how long.

 

‘’You really are scaring me, Sehun. If you don't get out of this weird depressed state, I'm gonna make a call, and you are not going to like it!’’, said Baekhyun, one of his best friends, (please someone remind Sehun why) with a mischievous grin on his lips.

 

‘’I'm not depressed, don't be ridiculous. I just spaced out, it's a common teenage thing. You can Google it.’’ His backpack was super heavy on that day, and this whole chitchat was making his head hurt.

 

Chanyeol, his other best friend cackled like a mad man, as usual. "I think Baek is right, you've been like this for a while now. What's gotten your panties in a twist?" The taller of the three questioned, as they started making their way to the cafeteria to have lunch.

 

‘’Ooh, I think I know. It's Luhan, isn't it?’’ Baekhyun smirked. ‘’I don't get why you two still fight so much. He's super nice!’’

 

‘’Nice my ass,’’ Sehun grumbled.

 

Chanyeol shrugged. ‘’He's nice to everyone else.’’

 

‘’You're joking, right? This shit has been going on for years already. Whatever.'' Sehun huffed. ''I don't like him. He smiles too much, it's irritating. No one really sees through his act, you know? But I do. Luhan is conceited and dumb and he thinks everyone always has to go at his pace – that the whole fucking world revolves around him. He pisses me off.’’ Just thinking of the older boy made Sehun roll his eyes.

 

‘’You know what, bro? I'm actually rethinking what Baek just said. You need to get some chick, like now. Or what about that boy you slept with a couple of months ago, what was his name?’’

 

‘’And why do you think I need to get laid? I'm going to do so anyway, but not because of this shit.’’

 

‘’'Cause you look, I don't know, upset and tense too. It may help you lift your mood.’’ Chanyeol reasoned, making Baekhyun giggle playfully, only to throw his arms in the air in surrender when Sehun glared his way.

 

Just as he was about to reply, a familiar mop of blonde hair caught his eye. Luhan was leaning on his locker, laughing at something Yoona – a girl from their year had just said. The smaller one's friends, Jongin and Kyungsoo were there as well, and the perfect picture made Sehun's features stiffen. Luhan seemed genuinely happy, despite his slightly busted lip, and you could hardly guess he had gotten into such a big brawl with Oh Sehun just a couple days ago.

 

Before Sehun could even realize it, his shoulders squared as he made his way towards Luhan. Baekhyun's ‘’Damn it, Hun! What are you doing?’’ being forgotten. Kyungsoo and Jongin waved goodbye to their friend, Yoona staying just a little longer to beam sweetly at Luhan, before leaving as well. Sehun snorted at that.

 

‘’I'm surprised you're walking, princess.’’ Said a smirking Sehun, as he passed by Luhan. He pushed the smaller one away with his shoulder, effectively causing him to stumble.

 

‘’Ah, it's you. Always so childish and let's not forget annoying.’’ Luhan huffed. He opened his locker and rummaged through it pretending to ignore the taller.

 

‘’You flatter me, babe,’’ said Sehun, beaming cynically.

 

‘’You’re so disrespectful, awfully so. I'm your senior, you know?’’

 

‘’Aw, little Lu, tell me, do I look like I care? A little thing like you shouldn't go around expecting for respect.’’ He snickered, facing Luhan in a mockingly.

 

‘’You're impossible, who do you think you're talking to?’’ Luhan’s patience was already running out. His hands turned into fists and he stepped closer to Sehun until he could feel the younger's warm breath.

 

‘’What? Is little Hannie going to hit me?’’ Sehun asked as he raised his eyebrows while his lips curved into a wicked smile. ‘’Give it a try, darling,’’ He winked at the older.

 

Luhan quickly threw himself on Sehun and tackled him to the ground, as a crowd started to gather around them. He could be beautiful, but his fists could still throw punches. However, the taller one managed to overpower him, and through pants and frustrated groans, he moved on top of Luhan, attempting to hold him still.

 

Luhan was faster than him though, so before Sehun managed to call victory, he hit him straight in the jaw. ‘’You'll regret that!’’ Sehun growled at him and pulled harshly from the hair at the back of his neck. The smaller one wailed but kneed Sehun on the crotch. ''Damn it, Luhan!'' Luhan heard the younger say and then felt a harsh pain on his side.

 

Finally, Sehun was able to take a hold of Luhan's wrists. However, as they were panting and their pupils dilating, they found themselves getting lost in each other's eyes, even if only for a few seconds.

 

Luhan had never, ever noticed how fair-looking Sehun's skin was. Sure, everyone at school said that the younger one would be better off modeling for Armani, but Luhan had never taken his time to admire Sehun's physique.

 

He was tall, strong and broad-shouldered, to the point that the smaller felt envy creeping inside of him, but at the same time some sort of sick pleasure in being defeated by such a tough guy. Damn. He knew Sehun had gotten his figure because of soccer and American football. He'd seen the great build the taller one had during their many disputes, but he'd never thought of him like that. His eyes were as black as a dark night, complementing the pale complexion of his skin; deep and expressive.

 

His furrowed eyebrows gave him a dreamy appearance; they were elegant and simply attractive. His brown hair, all rustled because of their little battle, smelled like heaven and sin at the same time. And his lips, oh, Jesus Lord, had Luhan ever seen lips so full and soft-looking? The same lips were now hovering over Luhan's, they were being bitten as if their owner was trying hard to contain himself.

 

‘’Luhan,’’ Whispered Sehun, in the softest manner the smaller one had ever heard.

 

He's going to kiss me. Luhan blushed a deep shade of red. His eyes widened comically and his heartbeat went nuts.

 

Sehun closed his eyes and breathed in and out. He leaned down but stopped when he realized what he was doing.

 

Fuck.

 

The taller one stood up - flustered, and didn't say anything. Luhan did so as well, and when they lifted their gazes, they found themselves in the presence of the principal, who was staring at them furiously.

 

 


 

 

‘’Will you ever stop this little show of yours?’’ The principal, Mr. Nam questioned obviously irritated and tired, as he slammed his hands on his desk with force. ‘’It's been years. What the hell is wrong with you two?’’ He shook his head.

 

Currently, they were in the principal's office and they were both suspended for the next two days. The principal was thinking of adding one more day while he was writing a report for both of their parents.

 

‘’It was his fault, Mr. Nam,’’ Luhan whined petulantly. ‘’Sehun is always causing trouble.’’

 

‘’What? It's not my problem that you are such a sensitive little thing, okay?’’ The taller one responded as he ran his long fingers through his dark brown, tousled hair.

 

‘’Cut it out!’’ A furious glare was directed at Sehun. ‘’I'm not a kid!’’

 

‘’Oh yes, you are. You look so upset, cutie pie,’’ Sehun said faking innocence but smirked afterward when he noticed the annoyed expression on Luhan's doll-like face.

 

‘’That's enough. You both are terrible! You're disrespectful, and you have no manners.’’ Mr. Nam shouted. ‘’Three days of suspension for the two of you. Now, get out of my office. Leave!’’

 

They stood up and Sehun made his way to the boys’ restroom at the end of the hall. He quickly fixed his hair and grinned smugly at the handsome reflection in the mirror. After that, he walked to his locker and began putting his books in his black backpack.

 

Luhan, however, had to ruin his calm life as always. ‘’Have a nice vacation, git!’’ He told Sehun, slamming his locker shut, and making Sehun drop his backpack because of the shock - all of his books tumbling to the floor. Unfortunately, the smaller one ran out the school before Sehun was able to beat him up for that.

 

Fuck you, Luhan.

 

 


 

 

Their disagreements had always been very entertaining. Most people used to have fun watching their little fights; as teens, this was quite normal to happen between two good-looking, brilliant boys. But all of this was going a little out of control.

 

It all started with glances that turned into mutual glares, then staring contests. One of them got pushed to the wall, the other got humiliated in front of the school. And that was it. Their life. Luhan’s only purpose was to make Sehun miserable. And if Luhan wanted so, the younger one could make him suffer double.

 

They both were beyond popular in school. Not only because they were the most handsome guys from their junior year class, but also because of their intelligence and charisma. The doe had this sweet baby face and soft attitude, however, he was quick to change whenever he found himself in the presence of someone he didn't like. He was very smart, absolutely gorgeous, and quite manipulative. He would always make things go his way very quickly, looking as nice and honest as ever.

 

Luhan wasn't a bad guy, but when we start talking about Sehun, for example, the blonde couldn't control himself. The man just infuriated him.

 

Sehun, on the other hand, was the prototype of the perfect guy. He was tall, attractive and well, unreachable. His sleepy eyes and deep voice only seemed to complete his perfection. He was also very competitive. Whenever Luhan would do well in school, Sehun would do way better. Whenever the smaller would date a cute girl, Sehun would date the Queen B. So, if Luhan would sleep with a thousand girls, the taller would sleep with a billion, not caring about what people would think of him. Winning to Luhan was way more fun.

 

But Luhan was getting tired of it; their childish hatred towards each other was driving him nuts. He didn't really remember the reason why they first fought, to begin with, or why they were still fighting. Well, he knew they were supposed to despise each other, but there wasn't a concrete reason for it, and this little game made him want to pull his hair out.

 

Why did my heart race that way when he stared at me with those eyes? Why did I feel like I couldn't breathe when he said my name with that husky voice? Why did I feel like melting when he came so close? Luhan wondered. But what was he thinking? He had to stop, they were total opposites. They were never going to happen.

 

Sehun also felt quite confused and tired, not about their fights, but about Luhan, if that made any sense at all. Because instead, he knew the reason for their mutual hate, and he wasn't going to back down.

 

I won't. Not even when Luhan looks at me in that way that makes my knees go weak. Not even when the feel of his skin burns against mine. Not even when every single time we bicker at each other I wish I could simply slam him hard against the wall and kiss the life out of his little body.

 

No way

 


 

For the past month, they had been sort of ignoring each other. The atmosphere was awkward and they would simply look away whenever they saw each other in the school corridors, in the cafeteria or even outside of school.

 

Some days later, it was raining heavily on a Tuesday afternoon, while the smaller one was waiting patiently for Sehun at the school gates. He knew the younger had football practice because Lu used to play in the team too last semester. But that was until Sehun joined the team, became captain, and kicked Luhan out. The boy had been really pissed off. But he knew better. Whenever Luhan would ignore his actions, the taller one would get frustrated. It was obvious, he wanted to win, but in the end, he always lost.

 

As Sehun walked through the crowd heading to the gates, he spotted a familiar figure standing there. Luhan. Now he couldn't even ignore how cute he looked. The smaller one was looking for someone, and he seemed nervous and impatient. Sehun knew something was going on because it seemed he had his guard off, he could tell by his body language. Luhan didn't seem as tough as he usually acted, huh?

 

Even though Luhan was half a year older than Sehun, he looked younger. His baby face made you all fuzzy inside, but his attitude would confuse you until you no longer knew what to think of him. He knew Luhan was sweet and sensitive on the inside but acted tough because he wasn't ready to let people in and see his true self.

 

Sehun had known Luhan for some time before their first meeting. He had been infatuated with the tyke since the first time he saw him. However, Sehun felt very scared about his feelings back then; not once he told anyone he admired Luhan from afar. Wasn't it so gay? To be eleven years old and to like a boy? Wasn't that weird? At least for his parents and classmates, it was. He couldn't take the risk of being bullied.

 

But it all changed when Luhan, unknowingly, broke his heart.

 

Flashback

 

 

Oh Sehun was walking happily from his last class of the day, waving Chanyeol and Baekhyun, his best friends, goodbye. It was already late. He was exhausted and hungry, but he quickly forgot about it when he saw his Luhan. The smaller one was sitting on the bleachers; his hair was flowing freely in the wind, and his lovely face was being illuminated by the sunset. Beautiful, Sehun thought before his smile disappeared totally.

 

Luhan wasn't alone, he was with this really sweet girl, Im Yoona. Sehun liked Yoona a lot, as a friend of course, but now he had killed her at least three times in his head.

 

Yoona was leaning her head on Luhan's shoulder; they were holding hands while Luhan was stroking the back of her left hand with his thumb. The mere view made Sehun's eyes to water. No! He wouldn't cry! He couldn't. But all his walls came breaking down when he caught the glimpse of Luhan slightly tilting his head to look at Yoona in the eyes. She blushed and looked down, but Luhan was quick to hold up her chin and meet her lips with his own.

 

Sehun's insides burned painfully. He was mad and so hurt, he couldn't stop crying. How? How could his Luhan do this to him? How could he hurt him this way? He knew they weren't together; however, he had convinced himself that his love for the smaller one was enough for both of them. Well, it wasn't.

 

Luhan didn't love him. Did he? There was no chance because they had never met.

 

Since that day Sehun changed completely, he wasn't the happy, bubbly Sehun anymore. He started acting cool. He asked his parents for permission to dye his hair blonde and changed his style of clothing. He tried to avoid any past feeling, anything that would remind him of Luhan. And then it occurred to him. If Luhan hadn't easily noticed him, he would in a hard way.

 

He would make him regret ever not loving him. Deep inside he knew the honey-haired boy wasn't at fault at all, but the pain was clouding his mind. Sehun was blind - all he saw were ways to win Luhan over. Even if he was only eleven years old, he knew he could do it, he was Oh Sehun after all. He had to grow fast, and be the mature guy Luhan needed.

 

He would make Luhan notice him, no matter what.

 

A couple of weeks later, Sehun started his plan. He began staring at Luhan from time to time, appearing out of nothing near the small boy. The tyke was surprised to see he this handsome tall boy, who stared at him angrily as if he was mad at him. What had Luhan ever done to him?

 

One day, Sehun purposely bumped into Luhan, making the smaller gasp in surprise. He quickly recognized the boy as the one that would always stare at him. After that, Sehun would bump into him all the time, almost every day and it was getting on Luhan's nerves. The smaller was getting tired of bumping into Sehun all the time, so, after some weeks, he pushed him onto the nearest wall as soon as he saw him walking down the hall. The boy looked surprised at first but ended up pushing Luhan away, walking to his next class.

 

That same day in lunchtime, Luhan had been spending time with his best friends, Jongin and Kyungsoo (who were boyfriends); and suddenly, he felt a cold substance on top of his head, falling slowly until it got through his school uniform, damping him entirely. It was strawberry juice. His school shirt was all dirty and pink now, making everyone in the cafeteria laugh their hearts out. He glanced up and saw Oh Sehun.

 

He was smirking at him.

 

Since that day, they swore to hate each other. Sehun never told the other about his feelings, those feelings he buried deep inside his heart. And Luhan never knew, he couldn't have guessed.

 

 

End of Flashback

 

Sehun was brought out of his daze when he saw Luhan's hand moving in front of him. He noticed, embarrassed that he had been staring stupidly at the smaller for a few minutes. He pulled himself and put on a blank face, to hide how flustered he felt because of having recalled those memories after such a long time.

 

Luhan was shifting uncomfortably as raindrops ran down his face. He finally decided to speak. ‘’We need to talk.’’ The boy mumbled, his face was serious, but on the inside, he was nervous, and he had no idea how to stop feeling that way.

 

‘’What would you and I have to talk about?’’ Sehun snapped angrily.

 

‘’I, uh…,’’ Luhan fidgeted. ‘’Sehun, again, why don't we get along? I forgot, or just, I don't think I ever knew the reason, and I… I don't think I like it, I mean, I don't want to fight, I just…’’, He colored slightly.

 

‘’What the hell are you talking about?’’ Sehun asked, furrowing his eyebrows, looking as distant and handsome as ever.

 

‘’You and I have been fighting for so long, and it’s tiring me. I don't want to do this anymore. Don't you think it's enough?’’ Luhan cried.

 

‘’What do you mean?’’ Sehun said fiercely, letting out an ironic snort. ‘’Right, so now you’re telling me that suddenly you don't hate me anymore?’’

 

He felt so broken. The only connection they shared was going to end just like that? He knew though, that there was never a connection between them, to begin with.

 

‘’Okay, I… Sehun, how can I put this?’’ Luhan paused for a second before he continued. ‘’I'm done, I just…,’’

 

‘’Hey brat! You can't just decide to act as if nothing happened! You've made my life miserable!’’

 

‘’Because ugh, you started it! Sehun tell me, can't we at least try to be civil towards each other, or well, be friends?’’

 

‘’Friends? What the hell? Oh yeah, I get it. You've gone insane now!’’

 

‘’Please, Sehun,’’ Luhan pleaded, he didn't know why, but he needed to get his point clear. He needed Sehun to understand how important this was for him. Luhan was blushing out of anger but from embarrassment as well.

 

‘’Fuck off, Luhan.’’ The younger grabbed Luhan by the collar of his shirt. ‘’Listen to me well, there is no chance for you and me to be friends, ever. Understood?’’ Sehun said staring right through Luhan's eyes, making him shiver in fright.

 

Then Sehun walked away as fast as he could, losing himself in the pouring rain.

 

Don't you understand that I could never be your friend? Being friends is not enough.

 

 


 

 

Luhan was a mess. He could barely move his limbs because of the lack of heat. Also, his clothes were soaking wet; he was sure to get a cold. Damn it.

 

''I'm home!'' Luhan greeted from the door, only getting a response from his mother, Lin. Yifan, his brother, a senior (who liked being called Kris), was probably in bed already. So it was just the two of them in the living room. The only thing he knew about his father was that the man had abandoned them as soon as Lin had made her pregnancy known to him, leaving her pregnant and with Kris being only 1 year old. It was pathetic how low people could go.

 

Luhan resumed the greeting; he kissed his mom on the cheek, listened to the little lecture she had to offer because he didn't take an umbrella to school, and drank some chocolate milk. Then he went straight to his room and decided to take a shower; he needed to clear his mind.

 

What happened today?

 

The water was slowly flowing along his body, as he rubbed his face harshly, trying to calm down and not to cry as he had done when Sehun left. The taller told him they would never be friends. Never. But why? Was it all his imagination? He couldn't be sure, but he swore he had seen hurt in his eyes when they were arguing this evening. Sehun looked so upset, so infuriated, so sad.

 

Sehun.

 

Luhan blushed. He couldn't help it. It had started maybe some weeks ago, maybe since their last fight, maybe since ever, but he had started to feel these things. Yeah, things. He didn't know how to call them. Luhan was positive he did not love Sehun, because, how can you love someone you once despised?

 

But how could even he explain it? Lately whatever Sehun did, would seem endearing and attractive to him. And god, all of this made Luhan sound dumb and feel, well, little.

 

Whenever Sehun would show up, Luhan would feign this tough attitude. He thought it would make him look cool because it worked on other people. But not with Sehun. He was even tougher than Luhan would ever dream of being. So, in the end, it wouldn't make sense.

 

He couldn't understand why he was suddenly feeling all of this; he used to hate Sehun with all his heart. He used to fill him with fury and annoyance; but now, instead of all that, Luhan was full of butterflies. It hurt him, though. It hurt him to see Sehun hated him.

 

‘’Fuck off, Luhan. Listen to me well. There is no way for you and me to be friends, ever. Understood?’’

 

Oh, he hates me. I have no chance. What can I do though? No matter what, I want him.

 

Luhan wore his pajamas, got into bed and tried to fall asleep. However, it took him about an hour to finally get some rest. His mind was going wild. Wild because of Oh Sehun.