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The Man I Once Was

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"...And now, with your heinous plot foiled, Master, I shall-" The Doctor stopped, and then tried again. "I shall- look, I'm sorry, but I just can't do this."

"But it's my turn," pouted the Master. He sat up from where he had been lounging on the Doctor's bed. "I thought you said you wouldn't judge."

"I'm not! It's just, well. I thought you hated this coat." The Doctor gestured at the multi-colored garment in question, which he'd dug out of the wardrobe. Now that he had matured a bit, he could admit that it was rather eye-searing, more obviously so when he didn't have any other clothes on to set it off.

"Some things take time to adjust to," said the Master. He leaned in in a way that displayed his own nakedness, and ran a hand down the plaid panel on the Doctor's breast. "Anyway, it's more about the man who wore that coat."

"It was me! I'm still me."

"Yes, but you were so much more forceful. More self-confident."

"I'm completely confident - are you saying you think I'm wet?"

"Only in comparison."

The Doctor sputtered, and the Master frowned.

"Like it or not, Doctor, this is the only way you're getting laid tonight. I'm going to lie back, close my eyes, and you're going to give me one of those pompous forthright speeches that you used to love so much."

"This is stupid," whined the Doctor. "It's just making me feel embarrassed. I was so daft when I was young, I don't need to relive it."

The Master cracked an eye open, looking very put-upon.

"There must have been some good things about that regeneration," he said, changing tacks from threats to coaxing. "Don't you miss anything?"

"No. No, I don't. Not a thing. Well, some things. Evelyn."

"I'm not dressing up as her, if that's what you're thinking," snarled the Master, jerking upright.

"No!" said the Doctor, looking shocked. "I'd never want to- to sully my friendship with Evelyn by such perversions. Frankly, I'm disgusted that you'd suggest such a thing."

The Master's expression melted from annoyed to pleased, and he sank back down onto the bed.

"That's good," he murmured. "That's very good. Just like that."

"What- What is this? why, this is absolutely deplorable. Is this what I come to in my old age? Sordid shenanigans, in the TARDIS, no less, while wearing my previous incarnation's clothing? How could I?"

"Yes," moaned the Master, one hand covering his eyes as the other slipped down to fist his hard cock. "Yes, perfect. Your voice even sounds right, oh."

The Doctor squeaked and toppled off of the bed.

"Oh, what now," growled the Master. "You can't lose your nerve after-" he stopped, and stared.

"My poor coat," said the curly-haired Doctor in the doorway, "diminished to a toy in a sex game. Yes, hello, Master."

"What the hell are you doing here?" said the older Doctor at the foot of the bed, using the aforementioned coat to cover up his nudity.

The Master merely whimpered, his hand stroking faster.

"I'm out of milk," explained the curly-haired Doctor. He didn't quite avert his eyes from the Master. "And I can't be bothered to go shopping. By lucky coincidence, I detected you in the same region of space, and thought I'd stop in and borrow a pint or two."

"That's ridiculous," said the older Doctor. "You're ridiculous. Is Evelyn with you?"

"No, thank goodness," said the curly-haired Doctor. "I'd prefer she didn't have to witness what abominations I get up to in my senility. Are you quite finished, Master?"

The Master cried out, coming all over his hand.

"No shame left at all," sighed the curly-haired Doctor. "I suppose manners and gentlemanly conduct just erode with each new body."

"I need you to fuck me right now," said the Master, grabbing the curly-haired Doctor's lapels with both hands.

"You're getting semen all over my- Mmm." The curly-haired Doctor's protests were swallowed by the Master's mouth, and a tube was pressed into his hands. "Yes, all right."

"I'll just leave, shall I?" said the older Doctor, standing up.

"Bye," gasped the Master. He started to say something else, and then shut up as the curly-haired Doctor's fingers twisted inside of him.

The older Doctor clutched his coat around him and looked up at the ceiling.

"Are you sure Evelyn's not around?"

"Quite sure," said the curly-haired Doctor, before pushing himself in.

The older Doctor walked out, ears burning from the Master's loud and filthy praise. At the last second, he paused by the door.

"No Peri, either?"

"I will kill you," said the Master, his eyes rolling back and his teeth grit. "I will - oh - hunt you down."

"Peri's taking the weekend off from me," said the curly-haired Doctor. He pulled almost completely out, and then thrust in hard, startling a shriek from the Master. The curly-haired Doctor's voice was also a little high-pitched as he continued. "No, it's only me and Frobisher at the moment, and he should be safely on the TARDIS."

"Fine, well, okay. I'll leave you to it, then." The older Doctor ambled back to the wardrobe where he'd left his own clothes. He winced as the noises from his bedroom only got louder with his absence.

"I need to install new locks," he mused. "New locks that my previous regenerations can't open. Or I could finally fix the temporal stabilizer so that my time line stays straight and un-wibbly. Right. I'll do that tomorrow." He sighed, and let his coat fall open.

"Hiya, Doc," said a voice from about four feet off the ground and about a foot and a half away. Frobisher raised an eyebrow that the Doctor was almost certain penguins shouldn't have. "Nice... knees."

"I'm going to do those repairs right now," said the Doctor.