Daring to Risk
“Damn it! How long has he been having these spells? Why didn’t you call me? Dean…”
Dean Winchester rubbed his head, trying to push back the headache that had been building ever since their Dad showed up on the scene. Sam’s latest vision wasn’t exactly helping to ease the tension in the room. Ever since Sam had experienced his first vision, Dean had known how their father would react if he ever found out.
“I’m sorry,” a soft voice, softer than the gravelly, deep, upset, tone of John Winchester, murmured from close by. The shaking heard in that was from more than just the leftover pain of the vision. “I…I didn’t mean for…”
“It’s not your fault, Sammy,” Dean interrupted. “You never know when those damn things will hit.” Dean instinctively reached out to rub a comforting hand over a tense and trembling shoulder. “Dad, back off a minute.”
For Dean the important thing right now was calming his brother down; he’d almost had him to that point before their Dad hit the roof.
Sam and John had been having issues since his brother was a teenager. Dean had usually tried to mediate the fights without openly standing up to their father, but now things were different. Now he wouldn’t risk losing his brother to their Dad’s close-minded beliefs; that mistake had already cost him four years.
Ignoring the yelling from behind him, Dean pulled the keys to the Impala out of his pocket and pressed them into Sam’s hand. “You feel like going for dinner?” he asked, seeing surprise in wide hazel eyes. Of course Sam suspected where this might be going. “Get out, get some air, clear your head, grab some burgers…and whatever green crap you want to eat while Dad and I have a talk?”
“Dean…” Sam shot a quick glance over his brother’s shoulder to see the all too familiar anger in their Dad’s eyes and knew his fear over how his visions would be accepted was all too real now.
“No, Dean, you go get dinner,” John ordered sternly, starting to reach around to catch his younger son’s arm. “Sam and I need to get some things straightened out so you…Dean!”
The hand had just reached around him to try to grab Sam when Dean whirled in one smooth motion to shove the hand away, stepping in front of his brother, He pulled the .45 he kept on him and aimed it steadily at a clearly shocked John.
“I don’t ever recommend you doing what you were about to do, Dad.” Dean’s voice dropped low. It was hard and warning, one notch away from full out pissed off. He kept his eyes locked on John while using his other hand to gently touch Sam’s arm. “Go Sammy. I’ve got this.”
Sam might be shook up and still a little shaky, but he could feel the tension now between his father and older brother. He recognized the simmering anger in Dean and knew how fast their father’s temper could snap; he was leery of leaving, but the hand on his arm squeezed tightly, and he knew Dean wanted to handle this. “Be careful,” he whispered as he grabbed his jacket and left the motel room with silent hopes that Dean and his father wouldn’t end up killing each other.
Neither father nor son spoke or moved until the sound of the 1967 Chevy Impala was heard driving off; only then did Dean ease his finger away from the trigger. “You have about half an hour before he comes back, so get it all out now…because once Sam walks back in the door, you don’t raise your voice to him, and you sure as hell don’t try to put your hands on him.”
“That gun loaded?” John wasn’t surprised that Dean got between him and Sam since he’d done it before, but he was shocked that he’d drawn on him.
“Duh,” Dean replied with his usual smirk. His temper was on the surface but he knew John, so he also knew to watch himself. “Touch Sam and find out, Dad. I told you once that if you ever put your hands on him again, I’d pull on you. I wasn’t kidding. You cost me four years with him. This life has cost him his childhood, his mom, his girlfriend, and now maybe his sanity because of these visions. He’s lost a lot, and I won’t let him lose his big brother again.
“I didn’t call you when the visions started because you didn’t return any of the calls I had already made…and because I knew how you’d react. Sam’s scared enough about this without having you jumping down his throat or making him feel worse about them.” He slowly lowered the gun but didn’t move his eyes, recognizing the anger shining back at him. He had seen it before so he was prepared, dodging the fist that moved to grab him. “Not this time.”
John had been worried when he learned that the boys were hunting together. He had his own fears about what was happening with his younger son, but he still hoped he could change it or stop it. Now that he’d seen the visions firsthand, he worried that it might be too late. He had also noticed the change between his boys, but he wasn’t sure what to think about that or how to handle it.
Sam and Dean had always been close and while it wasn’t always easy to admit, John accepted that he’d been rough on them, especially Sam, while they were growing up. He was often absent, so Dean willing took on the role of father and brother to Sam. He knew his oldest was fiercely protective of his younger sibling, but since joining them for this hunt, John had picked up on something else.
He’d seen the way they exchanged looks and how Dean’s hand was always touching his brother in some way. In fact Sam only seemed to relax under those touches. Jim and Bobby had often commented on how close his boys were, but he’d refused to see it. He still refused to see it since he had bigger worries than what he suspected might be happening between his sons.
“This needs to be handled, Dean! You know it and I know it! You should’ve called me when he had his first one!” John snapped, frowning when a hand clenched in his shirt. “I’m his father!”
A flash of rage lit green eyes a second before Dean was moving. He grabbed his father and shoved him away from the two beds and into the wall across the room. “No, you don’t get to play the ‘father’ card when it suits you. You’re our father by blood, but you didn’t give a damn about us growing up until we got old enough to pick up this crusade you took on. You weren’t around when he was growing up! You didn’t watch him learn how to crawl, or walk, or talk! Hell, you didn’t even teach him how to shoot! I did!”
“Sam wouldn’t let me teach him anything!” John yelled back, seeing the same fight coming that they’d had the night Sam left for college. “He’s too damn stubborn and you were always easy on him, so of course he let you teach him! But going easy, being lax in training won’t keep him safe now! He’s…”
“Don’t you goddamn say it!” Dean snarled, fury building. “Whatever is causing these visions does not change who he is or what he is, and if you say it does, then you better get the goddamn hell away from us because I will protect him from whatever comes, and if that includes you then…so be it.”
John stopped. He’d known years earlier, when Dean began to pull back from him after Sam left for college, that he might have pushed too hard. He knew Dean would do just about anything to protect his brother, but he still believed that if it ever came down to something like this, his oldest would see reason and would do whatever was needed…now he wasn’t so sure.
“Dean, there are things about all of this, about what killed your mother, about Sam, that you don’t know yet,” John began slowly, not intending to reveal everything he knew and had been learning over the years, but he did need the boy to know that he might have to start letting go.
“So tell me,” Dean shot back, tense and cold at the way his father glanced toward Sam’s bed and then back to him. “You’ve always been more interested in keeping your secrets than being honest with us. Maybe if you had told us more, Sam would’ve felt more like your son and not a grunt in your little military.”
“There are some things I can’t share with you yet but…” John took a slow breath before going on. “If I ever say that you or I might have to…kill your brother if…something happens what would…damn it, Dean!” he snapped when the .45 once again raised. “You don’t know what these things might be turning him into!”
A cold rage filled Dean as he kept replaying those words in his head. “I don’t care what he ‘might’ be one day. I care about who and what he is right this goddamn day, Dad!” he yelled, cold and furious that their Dad, a man he’d once looked up to, had tried to make excuses to Sam for, had just suggested killing his little brother.
“And what is he, son?” John asked with a low sigh as he was shoved back when Dean stepped away, the gun still clenched in his hand.
“Mine,” Dean replied evenly, not caring how that was taken or what it might imply. “Sam is mine, and if you or anyone tries to hurt him, tries to take him from me again…” He glanced at the gun in his hand before looking back evenly. “You taught me to kill, to protect him, to shoot first and ask questions later, so any bastard that comes after him I end. If that happens to be you, then I guess you’ll see just how much attention I was paying all these years.”
John frowned as he looked at his oldest son, trying to decide if he was bluffing or not. “You won’t shoot me, son.”
“Touch what’s mine and find out,” Dean returned coldly, moving back to grab John’s bag. “There are other rooms in this place. Go find one for tonight because after this conversation, I don’t trust you, Dad. Sam needs to sleep, and he won’t sleep if you’re in the room because now he’ll be scared of having another vision. He already thinks he’s a freak without thinking his own Dad agrees with that opinion so go away tonight. We’ll meet you for breakfast.”
“Dean, there are things about these vampires that we need to talk about,” John argued. He didn’t like the idea of not being close to the boys, but as he watched Dean’s face go hard, he suspected that he wasn’t going to change his son’s mind. “You know that I just want what’s best for you…and your brother.”
“No, you want what’s best for you…you want whatever it’ll take to complete this crusade you’ve been on since Mom died,” Dean corrected, looking at John with a sad smirk. “In a lot of ways I think all Sammy and I were to you most times were memories of her and then soldiers. Well, I’ll be a grunt but he never will. I’ll also kill for him so just keep that in mind.”
After that Dean was done and sat behind Sam’s laptop to pretend to do research until he heard the door shut. Then he let his hands shake. He’d known how their Dad would take Sam’s visions. He’d just hoped he was wrong. Now he just had to get them through this vampire thing and get Sam back on the road so they were alone…where he could protect his brother from the more obvious things instead of from their own father.
Of course Dean also knew he needed to get Sam calmed down since the kid was so tense. He’d been on edge since John joined them, and the vision certainly wouldn’t help that any so as Dean looked around the rustic motel room, he grinned a little as an idea popped into his head.
Since they started hunting again, since they began to explore a new side of their relationship, Dean had learned of one sure way to calm Sam down whenever he was upset or hurt or sick. He had originally clamped those feelings down due to John’s presence, but now he honestly didn’t give a crap what their Dad knew or didn’t know about them. If the man had doubts about Sam, about what the visions might mean, then Dean would give him something to really have doubts about.
By the time Sam dealt with the busy diner, he had to have his brother’s burger remade twice because apparently it was very difficult to understand the terms ‘no mayo and extra onions,’ he’d been gone almost 90 minutes.
Pulling into the lot, he tensed when he noticed his Dad’s big black truck still parked near their room, but then looked up to see Dean leaning in the motel room door. He let out a breath that he didn’t realize he’d been holding and relaxed when his brother didn’t appear to be bruised or too on edge.
“Diner was packed and I practically had to make your damn burger myself, but I finally got dinner.” Sam held up the bag, feeling tired as he stepped closer to the room, trying to peek inside to see their Dad. “Dean?” He blinked when fingers curved around the back of his neck to give him a gentle tug into the room. “Where’s Dad?”
“Got his own room,” Dean replied, dropping the bag of food onto the table while giving his brother’s face a serious look, noticing how pale it was and how tense Sam’s body was. “You want to eat before you crash or do you want to take a shower first?”
Sam wanted to crawl into bed and try to make the pain go away, but he knew he couldn’t sleep without the risk of another vision, so he just shrugged while dropping his jacket. “I just want to get through this case,” he muttered, moving toward the laptop. “Why’d Dad want his own room all of a sudden?”
“He didn’t. I told him to get one because I didn’t want him around you tonight.” Dean shifted subtly, blocking Sam’s path to the laptop and smiled slowly as he reached up to smooth the concerned wrinkle away on Sam’s forehead. “It’s all good, Sammy. We’re all good.”
“Dad…he knows I’m different now, Dean.” Sam had been worried about their Dad finding out about his visions. Now he was fairly certain he was probably one event away from being listed as something they would hunt. “I don’t want to be the cause of you guys fighting or…” He had to stop to catch his breath at the feel of soft lips brushing over his neck. “If he thinks I’m a…God…Dean, we can’t do this,” he gasped as he felt himself backed up until he fell backwards and only then realized the two beds had been shoved together.
“Yeah, we can,” Dean corrected, loving the way just simple touches or a change in his voice could make Sam’s eyes darken with desire. “I locked the door, told Dad we’d meet him in the morning, and I really don’t give a damn about vampires right now. What I care about, baby boy, is you.”
All of his good intentions to object that they couldn’t do anything with their Dad so close dried up with that, and Sam dropped back off his elbows with a low moan.
He loved it when Dean’s voice went into the deep, husky, sinful one that never failed to turn him on. Sam knew he was tense from the strain of having their Dad around, and he was on edge from the vision. He longed for a distraction, he wanted to be able to feel Dean’s hands on him, or better yet his mouth, but was still leery…until long fingers moved up his leg to gently rub over his hardening erection through denim.
“What if…oh ummm,” he hummed low in this throat, feeling his body arch into the skillful hand that was touching him. “What if Dad hears?”
“Then he hears. Then he can choose to accept it or walk away, but those are Dad’s choices, Sammy. My choice is making you feel relaxed enough to sleep.” Dean knelt on the bed and slowly reached up to flip the button of his brother’s jeans. “Your choice is letting me or telling me that you really don’t want this now.”
Sam knew what was being said. He didn’t know what had happened between his brother and father while he was gone, but whatever it was had made Dean suddenly not care if their Dad knew they’d changed the nature of their relationship. “He hates me now, Dean. I don’t want him to hate you too.”
“Dad doesn’t hate you, Sam. He’s just being his own stern self, but if he decides to hate me for what he might see as my fault, then screw him. We’ve survived all this time basically on our own, and we’ll do it again,” Dean told him, tugging the zipper down with infinite slowness as if giving Sam time to stop this. “Do you want me to stop? We can just lay here together so you can sleep or…do you want me to help you relax a little?”
“Both?” Sam blushed a little until Dean laughed and hot lips met his in a kiss that wasn’t hard, but it certainly wasn’t soft either.
“Don’t I always sleep with you after we make love or fool around, Sammy?” Dean murmured between kisses, tongue slipping out to lick over soft lips until he felt them open to allow him to explore. “That’s another reason I told Dad to go get another room. I’m tired of sleeping alone and not waking up with you sprawled all over me…though if you ever say we cuddle, I won’t suck you off for at least a month.”
“Not cuddling…got it,” Sam groaned, meeting the slowly heating kisses while lifting his hips to help in the removal of his jeans and underwear. He honestly wasn’t sure when his shirts had come off, but his chest was already bare. “My head hurts so I’m not sure how much I can give back but…”
Dean gave a deep kiss that soon had the younger man melting back, and then began to slowly kiss his way down Sam’s chest and stomach, smoothing his fingers over smooth skin until he was between his legs. “This isn’t about you giving back, little brother. Tonight is about me making you come so hard you’ll sleep through the night and not wake up with those damn shadows.”
“Oh my God,” Sam groaned, biting down on his lip to try to keep the sounds Dean always pulled out of him inside, but he yelped in surprised pleasure when fingers pinched an already sensitive nipple.
“No way, Sammy. I wanna hear you as I lick and suck you off. I want to hear those moans you make and I want to hear you when I make you come.” Dean had to undo his own jeans because they were already too tight, but he knew that since his plan was just to take some of the pressure off of Sam, he had to leave them on or else they’d end up doing a lot more. “Wanna hear you moan and beg for me while I take this cock in my mouth until I make you come. Just forget everything else and focus on this…on me…on letting go.”
Sam thought it would be hard to forget that their Dad was somewhere in this motel, but the second his already alert and interested cock felt hot moist heat of Dean’s mouth closing over the head to slowly take it in fully, his brain lost the ability to function.
Dean had always been able to read Sam’s emotions, so he knew from the moans of pleasure he could hear along with the way his brother’s fingers tried to find purchase in his short hair that Sam was slowly forgetting the stress of the last few days as well as the memories of his vision.
Giving blowjobs had never been a favorite thing for Dean until the first time he’d given one to his little brother shortly after they took this step in their relationship. The sounds Sam made, the way his fingers reached for him, and how his hips gave little thrusts as if fighting the urge to move drove Dean crazy and he found that he loved doing this for Sam. He was also surprised to find the flavor that Dean swore was definitely only Sam quickly became addicting.
On nights or times when making love wasn’t an option, or if it was a matter of taking the edge off his brother, then this was Dean’s go to choice of activities. He knew it was a huge risk with John probably only a wall or two away, but Dean honestly didn’t care by this point. When he added his tongue to slide down and around the sensitive nerve on the underside of the cock in his mouth and heard the moans getting louder, he decided that John could come knocking and he wouldn’t give a damn.
“Dean…Dean…oh! Fuck! Please…I…” Sam’s fingers really wanted to tug, and he cursed his brother for keeping his hair so damn short. “More…need…need…!”
Dean knew what Sam needed so with a moan of his own, he took the cock fully into his mouth until it bumped the back of his throat which freed his hands up to touch. Using one hand to slide up and touch and soothe Sam’s stomach and legs, he let his other hand slip between long legs. He gently began to cup his hand around Sam’s balls, giving intense attention to both.
He rolled, squeezed, and gave gentle pulls while also rubbing a finger up behind them to stimulate the spot that Dean knew would have roughly the same effect on Sam as if he had a finger or his cock up in his ass. He also began to move a little faster with his mouth, bobbing up and down on the cock, using his tongue to swirl around it and over the slit. He moaned as he tasted precome on his tongue and used the bed and his now too tight jeans to find friction for his own cock.
Normally Dean might draw this out, tease Sam by squeezing the base of his cock to stave off his orgasm, but tonight he knew his brother needed the release more than he needed to be teased. So when he heard the gasps and moans turn to soft begging, he pulled off the cock until just the head was still held between his lips.
Lifting his eyes up, Dean saw the blown pupils, the slightly parted lips, and knew Sam was on the edge of release, so while keeping the balls he could feel tightening in his palm, he shifted his other hand from his brother’s trembling thigh and closed it over his cock, moving his hand in time to the harder suckling of his mouth. He felt Sam jerk a moment later, his brother shouting his name and a few interesting words as he came.
The come spilling into his mouth and down his throat along with Sam’s broken voice as his hips gave little thrusts up into Dean’s mouth had Dean falling off the edge shortly after his brother.
“Fuck! Dean!” Sam groaned, no longer caring about noise as he tried to raise his head to watch through lust clouded eyes as his brother’s mouth continued to move on his cock to help draw it out while Dean’s hips were grinding on the mattress to get friction. As he locked eyes with his brother, he could tell by the thin ring of green that Dean was as far into the moment as he was. “Dean…”
The rush of the climax, the force of it in addition to sudden release of the stress of recent days soon had Sam starting to drift. He was struggling to stay awake, to not pass out from the intensity of the moment, and he groaned, nearly whimpered as his oversensitive cock was now just on the side of painful. As if his brother sensed that, Dean pulled off with a wet pop and moved up smoothly move to cup Sam’s face between his palms and kiss him deeply.
Sam moaned into the kiss, tasting himself, and returned it, gasping when it finally broke to whimper at the loss but knew it was only temporary.
He could feel himself drifting, body now sated and spent. He heard Dean’s low deep voice talking to him, soothing him, while a warm cloth wiped over his body before loose sweats were slipped on.
“Give me ten minutes,” Dean murmured against his lips, fingers gentle when they carded back through his hair. He then slipped into the bathroom for a quick shower and to change for bed.
The pushed together beds would give them room though Sam was sleepily hoping neither of them fell into the crack. His eyes kept drifting closed as his mind and body wanted sleep, but Sam stubbornly refused to let go until he felt the bed dip and strong arms drew him close. The younger Winchester cuddled closer to his brother with his head finding the spot that Sam had always seemed to prefer when they shared a bed as kids.
“Thanks, Dean,” he mumbled, words slurred from exhaustion and coming down from the climax. Sam shifted more until he was as close as he could get and felt Dean’s arms wrapping around him to hold him tightly. “You think Dad heard anything?”
“Maybe…don’t really care.” Dean carded his fingers back through soft dark hair that still managed to fall back into Sam’s heavy eyes. “If he did, I’ll handle it, but either way it won’t change what we have or how I feel for you.” He tipped Sam’s chin up to offer a smile that only his little brother ever got to see. “Mine, Sammy. No matter what happens tomorrow, you will be mine until you say otherwise.”
It never failed to make Sam’s throat tighten with emotion when his brother spoke from the heart. He knew that emotions were not easy for Dean to express so when he did, Sam knew they were real. “Forever,” Sam murmured, blinking to stay awake until he felt Dean’s smile as they shared a slow kiss before letting his eyes close to listen to the strong heartbeat under his ear. “Love you, Dean.”
“Love you too, little brother,” Dean returned, keeping his fingers in constant motion until he felt Sam’s body relax fully and his breathing even off indicating that he was finally asleep. Only then did Dean close his own eyes.
He didn’t know if their Dad had heard anything, but Dean had meant what he told Sam. He’d deal with it if needed because he wasn’t losing his brother. He made the choice to take the risk tonight and didn’t regret it as he watched Sam sleep peacefully for the first time in days. “G’night, Sammy.”