"I noticed that Chie and Yukiko-san have become a lot closer lately… Oh yeah, I was just curious, but are you…"
The question was halfway out of Yosuke's mouth before he changed his mind and switched the topic, earning a funny look from Souji, who thankfully didn't press the issue. Bad timing on his part; he might have been curious – he couldn't help being curious, not with Chie and Yukiko being all cute and close in that way girls were sometimes and putting ideas in his head, and with Souji being all cool and handsome and making those ideas grow into fantasies that left his sheets sticky… Anyway, it was bad timing to ask something like that before school. Too much chance of the answer being no, or yes, and man what if was yes, he'd—either way, too much chance of things being awkward.
He'd have to find a better time.
Turned out he didn't need to worry about it. After school, Souji met him and they loitered near the gates, watching the first rush of students leave. When they were relatively alone and no one was paying them any attention, Souji asked, "Am I what?"
"From this morning," Souji said. "You were going to ask me something but you stopped. What was it?"
"Nothing," Yosuke said, "forget about it."
"I meant," Yosuke blurted out, and Souji smiled, "are you like…" He made a vague gesture that didn't seem to make his point any clearer to Souji. Fair enough; Yosuke wasn't even sure what that was supposed to have meant. Seriously, it looked like a spasm.
"Chie and Yukiko, they've been closer lately, right? So I was wondering if they're—well, more about if you're—"
"Oh!" Souji tilted his head, thought about it. Not an immediate no. Yosuke wiped his palms on his pants. "Are you?"
May—wait, no fair. "I asked you first."
They stared at each other expectantly. Souji shrugged. Yosuke crossed his arms and tapped his foot.
"Would it…" Souji readjusted his watch. "Would it bother you?"
"Would it bother you?"
"No." Souji continued to fiddle with his watch, looked at Yosuke from the corner of his eye. "You?"
"No. I mean, if you…then you're whatever and that's fine, it's cool." Yosuke drummed his fingers along his arm. "And if I was…like…then you…"
"That'd be fine. So…" Souji stretched the word out. "…are you…?"
It was Yosuke's turn to shrug. More of an awkward jerk, actually, that felt like it pulled something in his neck. "I don’t know," he mumbled.
"You should—we should probably find out."
"By, well… If you want, we could…" Souji peeked at him again. He hadn't managed to get his watch back on yet.
Yosuke sagged with relief. He didn't have to be the one to say it. He straightened and tried to look casual. "Sure, if you want."
Souji made a funny noise. "If I want—"
"And if we don't like," Yosuke said, "then that's fine, it's just...it won't…" Count? Matter? That wouldn't work; they'd only known each other for, what, not even a month – crazy, it felt longer – but Souji was the best friend he'd had since coming here and just thinking that sounded insulting to both of them. "It'll just be between us. But if we do…"
"Then we'll have figured something important out," Souji finished.
"Would that make us…?"
"I don’t know."
They stared at each other some more.
"Want to come over to my house?" Souji asked.
"What, now?" Yosuke laughed nervously and crossed his arms tighter. "Moving fast, partner."
Souji blushed and finally got his watch into place. "Well, I figured—"
"But if you want to—"
"You keeping saying what I want—"
The conversation went nowhere after that and they ended up not going to his house until a couple of days later, under the pretense of studying. Actually, less of a pretense and more of a reality; their upcoming exams meant that they spent a good couple of hours cramming facts into their head and then Yosuke begged for a break, which they spent keeping Nanako company. That was a nice change of pace and helped to remind Yosuke there were things other than textbooks in the world, even if the constant questions about Junes started to wear on him.
Nanako was cute, but sometimes she worried him. It was just a department store.
It wasn't until they were back in Souji's room, music playing loud from the headphones around Yosuke's neck so he could let Souji hear a song, that he looked at Souji's face so close to his and remembered they were supposed to be trying stuff out.
His finger slipped and hit the forward button, skipping to the next song before he could turn the whole thing off.
"Shouldn't we be…experimenting?" Yosuke didn't know how he'd managed to forget. Now that he remembered, the nervous clenching in his gut that had been keeping him company at night for the past few days, the only time he allowed himself to really think about it, came back.
"What? Oh, right."
Souji took hold of his hand and held it while he leaned in. That was kind of funny and kind of girly, and Yosuke could feel a cut that was still healing. He must've gotten it after a bout of healing in the TV. Just like Souji to ignore it, and Yosuke felt a flash of annoyance that was washed out by Souji's lips touching his. They stayed like that for a while, neither of them moving and Yosuke holding his breath. Souji was the one to pull back.
"How's that?" he asked. He looked nervous, an expression Yosuke wasn't used to seeing on him, like Yosuke's opinion was really important. Seeing it felt even more intimate than the kiss, which, despite being nothing really and almost boring, made his neck go warm and gave him the overwhelming urge to do it again.
"Not bad," he said. He pulled Souji's hand closer, attempted to sound and look nonchalant. No big deal, not as weird as I thought it'd be. Please do it again. "Maybe you should try again. Make it longer so I can get a better feel of it."
Souji smiled and leaned forward. Yosuke tried not to look eager but he might have met Souji halfway.
A few weeks later, not bad had become pretty damn good, either because they'd gotten better and more confident or because Yosuke had gotten more desperate for Souji's mouth on his. Probably some of both with a lot of the latter, but Yosuke wasn't about to admit that.
A few weeks later also found them on Souji's couch, locked in a slow, lazy kiss that was good right up until the moment Souji started pulling his hair.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch…" Yosuke removed Souji's hand. "Not so rough."
"You were distracted."
"And that makes it okay?"
"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Souji asked. He ran his hand over the spot and kissed Yosuke's jaw. "Better?"
"No," he said, which got him another kiss, this one under his ear. He waited for Souji to ask again so he could get more sympathy but, eh, no such luck.
"Sorry. But what were you thinking about? You weren't as into it as usual."
Yosuke supposed his performance hadn't been up to his usual amazing standards – Souji was still able to talk, after all – but he had an excuse. He'd been doing some deep thinking. "Chie and Yukiko."
The hand stroking his hair went still. "What?"
"Not sexually or any—okay, maybe a little. I was wondering if they did this too."
Souji had a way of making his face go blank that managed to reveal nothing yet somehow look upset. Yosuke hadn't figured out how he did it and his own attempts came up lacking. "We were making out and you were thinking about lesbian kissing?"
"It's hot." That wasn't why he'd been thinking about it, but it was a fact and the first piece of defense that made it to his mouth. It was also totally the wrong thing to say because Souji drew back and turned away. If they were going to talk about lesbians – or possible lesbians; he still wasn't sure about those two despite weeks of careful observation and almost getting kicked for being nosy – it was worth mentioning that Souji could act like a girl sometimes. Worse than a girl. He'd never seen Chie manage such impressive silence treatments. "Hey, don’t get like that."
"How else am I supposed to act when you say that you're thinking about someone else while we're kissing? Two people. Two girls." Souji frowned at the floor.
"It's not—I wasn't thinking about them to get off, I was thinking about them because of you." Souji looked at him sideways. "I'm serious! I was thinking about you and us doing this and how it got started, and then I wondered if they do this. You know, if they mess around."
"…Still don't like you thinking about someone else."
"Are you jealous? Oh man, you are, aren't you?" Yosuke closed the distance between them, pressed tight to Souji's side. Souji looked away but Yosuke had learned a few of his weak points. He slipped an arm around Souji and kissed his neck, worked his way up to press his lips lightly against the corner of his mouth, his nose, and his eye. Souji put up a token resistance but for all his Shadow ass-kicking awesomeness he was a sap who liked cats and origami and cuddling. By the time Yosuke started blowing into his ear, he was leaned heavily against him and making soft noises.
Yosuke enjoyed those noises probably more than was healthy and would have given a lot to continue hearing them, but this was too good a chance to pass up. He stuck his tongue in Souji's ear.
"Ugh, seriously?" Souji jerked away and scrubbed at himself with his sleeve. "Why do you have to do that, it's so gross."
"How dirty are your ears?"
"That's not the point." There was no reason for Souji to rub that hard, Yosuke'd barely done more than lick him. "It's just—what are you doing?"
Yosuke French kissed him. Souji made a slightly horrified noise but it took like two seconds for the hands on Yosuke's shoulders to start pulling him forward instead of pushing him back. He should start doing this when Souji was being an idiot in the TV and complaining about being pushed out of the way or acting like he didn't need to be healed just because someone else was injured.
Actually, he should just start doing this all the time if Souji was going to respond this way because those sounds he was making were stimulating parts of his brain that Yosuke didn't know he had.
"Was that supposed to be an apology?" Souji asked when they broke apart.
"Apology for what?" He was just as breathless as Souji but he was sure he didn't look as flushed.
"For thinking about Yukiko and Chie, and sticking your tongue in my ear."
"What, I have to apologize for that?" Souji gave him a flat look. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, seriously. I won't think about hot lesbian kissing when we're making out again."
"That was awful, and you missed the second part."
"Admit it: that was funny."
"It's gross." Souji settled back against the couch, Yosuke's arm around his waist. "Why were you thinking about them anyway?"
"I told you, I was wondering if they experiment too." Souji hummed in a tone Yosuke didn't like. "What's wrong?"
"Yeah, right." He nudged him. "Tell me, partner."
"How long do you think you have to experiment before you know whether you like m—whether you're like that or not?"
Not a conversation Yosuke had been looking forward to. He'd been hoping they'd just coast along and stuff would fall into place, more specifically Souji falling into place next to him. He squirmed. "I, uh, I don't know. How long do people usually do this?"
"I wouldn't know, I've never done it before." He smiled slightly. "You could call Chie and ask her."
"Yeah, if I wanted to die." Just thinking about it made his balls ache, and not in the way they'd been a minute ago when Souji was sucking on his tongue. Chie had a kick that could dent metal. "Why are you asking?"
Souji played with some invisible lint on his shirt. "We've been doing this for a while. I was wondering if you're any surer now or if you're still going along and seeing if you get tired of it."
Yosuke shifted again. "What about you?"
"I think maybe we should try something different."
Way to doge the question. If Souji just said he liked Yosuke, Yosuke would be able to say it back no problem. "That's not what I—"
Souji's hand crept between his legs. "Want a handjob?"
Okay, he probably should have said no and continued the conversation, but how could he turn down a hand on his cock? He couldn't, that's how, and after a lot of kissing and groping that made getting into position take longer than it should have, Yosuke ended up with his back to the armrest, Souji's knees on either side of his legs. It was a good position, one they'd been in a few times before and one Yosuke was especially fond of because of how Souji's weight rested warm and heavy on him.
Souji ran his hands across his stomach. "Ready?"
"Hell yeah, go ahead."
Souji wet his lips and pulled on his belt. "Then after this, do you think you'll know?"
"After—wait, stop." He grabbed Souji's wrists. Part of him hated himself for saying that, but the bigger part was not about to let him have Souji do this as a way to clear things up. He wasn't that big a jerk.
"You don't want to?" Souji tugged on his hands.
"Course I want to, but I'm not going to do it and claim I was just experimenting." Yosuke swallowed. "I, uh, got past that part a while ago. Figured some stuff out."
"Yeah, so I figured I'm…at least with you…"
"Gay?" Souji supplied.
"Or bi," Yosuke muttered. "Probably that, I still like breasts. But I'm not going to let you do this without admitting that."
Souji sagged. "I was hoping you'd say something first. I didn't want to admit anything without some kind of guarantee in case you decided you weren't and things got weird between us, haha."
"Wait, so you're—"
"Gay, yeah." Souji slid forward a little, resting more firmly on Yosuke's waist.
"And you figured this out when?"
"About the first time you stuck your tongue in my mouth." Yosuke tried to remember when that was. Souji must have read his face because he said, "Three days after we started this."
Yosuke caught the look he sent towards his desk. "What, is that in your planner or something?" Souji's cheeks went pink. "Seriously, like, next to 'did philosophy homework' and 'part-time job'?"
"People write down good memories. Anyway," Souji said quickly, "when did you figure it out, just now?"
"Uh… Honestly? When I asked you a couple of weeks ago."
Souji jabbed him in the gut and the wind left Yosuke in a rush. "Then this whole time while I was worrying—"
"I wanted to see if you were—"
"You could have asked me!"
"I did and you were all vague about it!"
They glared at each other.
"You're still hard." Souji said it like an accusation.
"Because you're sitting on my dick and moving around."
"We should talk about this."
Yosuke hesitated. "My…what, my dick?" Souji jabbed him again. "Ouch, dammit! Then be specific."
"You're bi, and I’m gay, and we've been making out for three weeks." Souji leaned forward. "That makes us boyfriends."
"Does not." Which was directly opposite of what Yosuke wanted but Souji's logic was dumb. "You have to ask."
"I—oh, right." Souji blushed. "Well, be my boyfriend."
"You know, I kind of imagined this moment to be more romantic. Also, that wasn't asking."
Souji shifted his weight. Yosuke reminded himself to concentrate on the conversation. "So did I." He was quiet for a moment. "I really like you. I thought it was okay if you decided one day you weren't interested in me because I'd have that time we were together to think about, but I'm really glad you stayed with me." He paused for a beat. "Even though you tricked me."
"I didn’t trick—" Yosuke bit his tongue. Souji was trying to make this moment positive and, okay, maybe he been could have been a bit more upfront. "I really like you too, partner." He let go of Souji's wrists and touched his face. "Come down here."
Souji went for a kiss. Yosuke turned his head aside. "Wait, first – go out with me, okay?"
He got a smile against his cheek and a disappointed noise. "I was going to say that."
"Too slow. Now agree so I can kiss you."
"Only if you agree not to stick your tongue in my ear and then kiss me. That's really gross, Yosuke."
"Yeah, yeah, fine."
"Okay, I agree." Souji mirrored the touch on his face. "Now we seal it was it a kiss."
"I swear, you're such a girl sometimes…" But he went along with it because, hell yeah, kissing Souji. Plus, it was a lot better than talking about who tricked who and all that.
What started off slow and sweet quickly dissolved into something more excited and Yosuke suppressed a noise as Souji touched him through his pants.
"You still want that handjob?"
"What, you're still offering?" He started to undo his belt. "Wait, is the door locked?"
"Of course." Souji gave him a withering look. "You want someone to walk in?"
It was hard to tell who wanted his pants off more, him or Souji. No, wait, obviously Souji because while Yosuke was content to unzip and expose only enough of his dick to get the job done – and got embarrassed by the idea of doing even that – Souji kept tugging like he meant to bare Yosuke from the waist down.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Yosuke grabbed his pants. "They don't—dude, really, that low?"
"It'll work better this way." Souji fought him one-handed, an arm shoved between his legs to prevent him from pulling his clothing any higher. "I want to see you."
Yosuke's cock throbbed. "Partner, this is really embarrassing. At least keep them above my knees, okay?"
"You'll be able to move better if they're below."
They compromised, settling on right below, and in return Yosuke pulled Souji down by the neck so he couldn't stare at it. Souji made one of those soft, disappointed noises he was so good at but Yosuke distracted him by kissing his face and made a louder, much less arousing noise himself when Souji's hand touched his dick.
"Faster," Yosuke said almost immediately. Souji's hand was hot and already getting him harder, but if that was the pace he used on himself he had more patience than Yosuke ever would.
"Yeah, yeah—hey, no peeking!"
"Just a quick look…"
Souji's grip was off, sometimes too tight and others too firm, and his hand kept slipping, and Yosuke wasn’t sure if he was supposed to move his hips, which seemed obscene, or stay still, and so he ended up jerking sporadically when he couldn't help it. Once, his knee cracked into Souji's side and Souji started laughing, his grip so weak he might as well have let go.
"You should have taken your pants off," he managed.
Yosuke's face was on fire and in retaliation he did his best to leave marks on Souji's neck. That effort got a few moans and suddenly Souji's hand seemed to be hitting all the right places. Yosuke got half a second of warning out before he came.
"Didn't you know it was coming?" Souji sat up, still on his legs, and wiped his hand on his pants.
"I tried to say something but I was distracted." Yosuke caught his breath and decided to recover before he even thought about cleaning up. He eyed Souji's zipper. "What about you?"
"I got it."
"No, it's okay." Souji licked his lips and smiled nervously, fingers undoing his fly. "I've thought about this."
By this, he meant masturbating in front of Yosuke, who watched speechless as Souji – his quiet leader Souji – made eye contact with him and stroked himself to completion, face red and mouth open. When he shuddered and came, Yosuke felt like doing the same.
"Haha." Souji wiped his hands again. "That—that wasn't too weird, was it?"
"Do it again."
Souji laughed and laid down on him. "I'm tired. I can lie like this for a while, right?"
Yosuke tugged his pants back up to give himself some modesty and, after a thought, did the same for Souji. "Sure."
Souji stretched out on him was just as good as Souji on his legs, and he wrapped an arm around him to keep him close.
"Do you think Chie and Yukiko cuddle afterwards?" Souji asked.
"If you were thinking of them while you were doing that—"
Souji tried to elbow him but the angle was wrong. "You know what I was thinking of, but now you put the thought in my head and I'm curious."
Yosuke considered it. "Probably." He had another thought. "Hey, what if they're not together?"
"Huh." Souji said it like the thought had never occurred to him. "That'd be…"
"Doesn't it seem like it'd be?" Souji looked like he was thinking deeply about it. "Want to call and ask?"
The crazy part was, he seemed serious. Yosuke kissed him until the idea left his head. Somehow, he was sure that even if Souji called, he'd be the one nursing a pair of injured nuts.