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“No, seriously, partner, I could feel the stuff working up to my uterus—”
“… Yosuke.”
“It was like… it was like I was having a G-spot moment, man. Everything was moving through the walls and crawling up to the egg—”
“Yosuke. You don’t have a uterus.”
---
“Uh,” Kanji said.
“Yes?” Naoto replied. Rise was reading a magazine on the bed.
“I… got some bad news,” he mumbled.
“Aww, Kanji-kun,” Rise cooed, and went in for a cuddle. Kanji flinched, and squirmed away.
“Did you make your mother upset?” Naoto said.
“N-no.”
“Yelled at the owner of Aiya’s?”
“Haven’t seen him all week. Damn it, Rise, quit gropin’ me, I ain’t ready yet—”
“… Ran out of black thread?”
Rise, who was working at Kanji’s shirt, had her hands on his stomach. And then her eyes widened. “Kanji-kun,” she said. Kanji wilted, and nodded miserably.
“… I fail to see the logic,” Naoto said. “Did he acquire some particularly strange tattoo?” For good measure, she went to check. Nope. Nothing except smooth skin. … Skin that Rise was rubbing in circles.
“Y-you know how you said I was gaining weight? Well… well it’s ‘cause I’m pregnant, okay. Got buns in the oven. A baker’s dozen, even.”
“…”
Rise was still petting his stomach.
“I told you we should’ve used a condom,” she said.
“But. Biology.”
“Y-y’know when I said that the sex was magical?”
“I… I don’t even have the equipment.”
“Well, I don’t, either,” Rise said. “The strap-on, remember?”
The plastic strap-on. Naoto rubbed her nose in an attempt to make her headache disappear. Disappear far, far away into Kanji’s magical uterus. “It’s a false positive, Kanji.”
“But… but it kicks.”
“False positive,” she repeated firmly, and then went to drown herself in denial.
---
“You know, Kanji-kun’s pregnant.”
That woke Chie up. “What? W-wait, where did you hear—”
“My mother and his mother talk all the time."
“Oh, geeze. Poor Naoto-kun. Poor Rise-chan, too…”
“No, no, he hasn’t been cheating on either of them. It was the strap-on.”
“Oh, that makes—what?”
“I was thinking… maybe we should try, too?”
Fzzt, went Chie’s brain.